Author's Note: The poll is still up for the next film. Keep those votes coming and choose carefully. And the 1-year anniversary for this story is almost here as well :)
And once again, PLEASE send your recommendations via PM, NOT in the review section.
Review Responses
backlash5: It should be on my profile. If not, I can show you the voting options and you can give me your vote. I'll add it to the results.
MarioCatjr: I'm unsure if I should even allow Adrien to witness Tyrian's reveal. Poor kid would be traumatized for life.
Komod0-Sensei: Indeed. I hate to admit it, but the Toon patrol was right to arrest Benny for driving like a maniac.
Sectrooper: Try the voting poll again. If it still doesn't show up, I'll add your vote for you.
Inspiration: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit story for entertainment purposes only. "RWBY" is the property of director and animator Monty Oum (RIP) and production company Rooster Teeth, and "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" is the property of director Robert Zemeckis and production companies Touchstone Pictures, Amblin Entertainment, and Silver Screen Partners and distributed by Buena Vista Pictures.
At a Vale movie theater, a viewing of a toon Jaune was shown on the big screen. He was a lanky, yellow skinned dog like animal with buck teeth and wearing gym clothes. He collapsed with exhaustion onto the floor.
"Ah. Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" the film's narrator said.
"What the hell?!" Jaune exclaimed in embarrassment.
Everyone burst out laughing at Jaune's counterpart while the blonde knight facepalmed with a groan.
Nora and Ren laughed as well but then regretted it and patted their leader on the back.
The audience howled with laughter. Among the spectators was Ozpin. He giggled at the movie with a box of popcorn in his hand.
"Hoo hooo! Hooo hoo hoo!" Ozpin chortled. "Boy, did you see that? Nobody takes a wallop like Jaune! What timing! What finesse! What a genius! Hooo hoo!"
Jaune threw up his hands. "Oh come on!" he said in outrage.
"He's right, though," Ren comforted. "Your aura reserves are quite high, Jaune."
"Yeah! Fearless leader can shrug off anything," Nora praised Jaune.
Qrow was sitting behind Ozpin. He stood up, grabbed the rabbit by the ears and pulled him over to the seat next to him.
"We're supposed to be hiding. What's wrong with you?" he chided and smacked Ozpin upside the head.
"Hey! Be nice to him, Uncle Qrow!" Ruby scolded.
Ozpin rubbed his head. "What's wrong with you? You're the only person in this theatre that isn't laughing! Is there nothing that can permeate your impervious puss?" he said while spraying spit, which Qrow wiped off.
"Say it don't spray it," Qrow said in annoyance.
"But he's got a point, Qrow," Taiyang said. "A graveyard is cheerier than you."
"You know I've got my reasons," Qrow retorted, referring to Raven's death.
"Hey Qrow!" Ozpin said before pulling a funny face. Pl-pl-pl-pl-pl!"
However, Qrow simply stared at Ozpin, completely unamused.
"Boy, nothing," Ozpin observed with a hand to his chin.
Adrien giggled at Ozpin's funny face, as did Saphron and Terra in adoration of their son.
"Too bad Qrow doesn't appreciate humor much anymore," Maria commented sadly.
"What could have possibly happened to you to turn you into such a sourpuss?" Ozpin asked.
"You wanna know?" Qrow asked, Ozpin nodded. "I'll tell you. A toon killed my sister."
"A toon?! No!" Ozpin gasped in disbelief.
"Yeah, so can you blame me?" Qrow said defensively.
"Maybe we'll finally hear what happened to Raven," Taiyang guessed, dreading the story Qrow's counterpart was about to tell.
"That's right. A toon. We were investigating the robbery of the first national bank of Toontown. Back in those days me and Raven liked working in Toontown. Thought it was a lot of laughs," Qrow began as he took out his scotch bottle. "Anyway, this guy got away with a zillion lien."
"A zillion isn't a real number," Weiss noted.
"I think it's just to emphasize he got away with a lot of money," Blake reasoned as she sipped a soda.
"We trailed him down to a little dive down in Yahtzel Street. Went in. Only he got the drop on us. Literally. Dropped a piano on us from fifteen stories. Broke my arm. Raven never made it," Qrow went on, his tone becoming sad.
Taiyang and Qrow looked heartbroken and lowered their heads in respect.
Yang began to tear up again. Again, she wished her real mother was more like her counterpart in the viewing.
Ruby frowned as she noticed Yang's sorrow and put a hand on her arm in comfort.
A few other people in the audience sniffled or wiped away tears. Even Winter looked remorseful.
"I never did find out who that guy was. All I remember was him standing over me laughing...with those burning red eyes...and that high squeaky voice. He disappeared into Toontown after that," Qrow finished his story.
Taiyang clenched his fists. "Meaning he got away," he said angrily.
"So, he's probably still out there somewhere," Oscar added with a hint of worry.
"And who knows what he might be up to," Ozpin concluded, having a strange feeling the murderous toon might show up again.
Ozpin burst in tears. "No wonder you hate me! If a toon killed my sister, I'd hate me too," he wept.
"Come on. Don't cry. I don't hate you," Qrow assured as he put his bottle away.
"Don't kid, us. I admit, you have your reasons, but you still have been quite nasty towards toons," Winter criticized.
"Oh, come on. I wasn't that bad," Qrow said defensively.
"Yes, you do!" Ozpin tearfully shot back.
"No, I don't," Qrow repeated.
"You do hate me. Otherwise you wouldn't have yanked my ears all those times."
"Yeah, that wasn't very nice of you, Uncle Qrow," Ruby scolded while wagging her finger, much to Qrow's irritation.
"Yeah. Just ask Velvet," Blake added, remembering when Cardin did the same to the rabbit Faunus back at Beacon.
"Well, I'm sorry I yanked your ears," Qrow apologized.
Ozpin brightened up suddenly. "All the times you yanked my ears?
"All the times I yanked your ears," Qrow said.
"Apology accepted," Ozpin chirped as he extended his hand. "Put'er there, pal. I feel better."
Ozpin firmly shook Qrow's hand.
"Awww, their friends," Ruby cooed with her hands clasped together.
"I wouldn't quite say friends, but Qrow's definitely warming up to Ozpin," Weiss pitched in.
"He's improved since the start of the film," Glynda added as she sipped her wine glass.
The film switched to another segment. Ozpin hopped down to the edge of the row of seats to watch.
"Jeepers, another stupid newsreel. I hate the news," Ozpin said with disappointment.
"I don't blame him. The news is usually depressing," Jaune said in agreement.
"Yeah. Whenever the paper comes, all I do is read the comics," Ruby noted.
"I just check my stocks and read the sports section," Taiyang said.
"Fashion section," Weiss and Yang said together.
Just then, Winter entered the theater in the background and sat down next to Qrow.
"You got all my stuff?" Qrow asked.
"Yes," Winter confirmed. "They're packed up in the car outside. Would've been here after you called but I had to shake the weasels."
"Yeah. I'm sorry about the trouble in the bar."
"You should be. Now I'm on the run from Tyrian too," Winter reprimanded Qrow
"Hey, don't pin that on me, Ice Queen. It was your idea to put Ozpin in the secret room," Qrow shot back.
Winter stood up angrily. "Stop calling me that, you-"
"Can it! Both of you," Maria shouted, feeling like she was scolding a couple of children.
"Hell. Stuffing olives for a living wasn't for me anyway," Winter assured.
"Winter. You oughta find yourself a good man," Qrow recommended.
"But I already have a good man," Winter said softly.
"Good is a strong word. Even tolerable is pushing it a little," Winter commented while glaring at Qrow.
"Like your such a prize," Qrow muttered under his breath.
Winter and Qrow locked eyes. Their lips inched closer.
"Oh, please no!" Qrow begged with a facepalm.
"Eek!" Winter as she averted her eyes
"Awww, I think it's very sweet," Saphron cooed while Terra nodded in agreement.
An offscreen sigh interrupted their kiss. They glanced over and saw Ozpin staring at them with hearts in his eyes and his ears forming the shape of a heart.
"Pl-pl-pl-lease. Don't mind me," Ozpin said dreamily.
"Thank Oum," Qrow and Winter both said with relief, then exchanged befuddled glances.
"Jinx!" Yang called out with a laugh.
"You better get going Qrow," Winter suggested.
Qrow and Winter rose from their seats while Ozpin ran up the stairs and unhooked the velvet rope leading out of the theater.
"I'm glad Teddy's not here to see me running away with my tail between my legs," Qrow said gloomily.
"It's not so bad. Once you get used to it," Ozpin consoled.
"He can't give up now," Ruby said. "Not after coming this far."
Meanwhile, the newsreel continued with it's latest story.
"Hollywood, Vale. Cloverleaf Dust was on the move this week, acquiring two Hollywood institutions...'...the Vale Redcar Trolley Line and the venerated Schnee Cartoon Studios. Here Jacques Schnee is seen clinching a deal with Cloverleaf's bankers and executives in one of the biggest real estate deals in Valean history."
"Schnee and Cloverleaf are working together to take over Toontown?" Blake asked.
"But who's in charge of Cloverleaf?" Oscar asked the big question.
"Good question. We'll just have to wait and see," Ozpin replied.
Qrow backtracked into the theater. Onscreen, he saw Jacques Schnee shaking a man's hand with a big grin on his face and a check in the other hand.
"That's it! That's the connection!" Qrow said in realization.
"So, Schnee can supply some answers," Kali noted.
"And Qrow can finally gonna crack the case," Ghira added.
Qrow pulled into Schnee Cartoons studio lot in his blue two-door sedan. Ozpin was with him.
"Let's forget it. There's nobody here," Ozpin said hastily.
"Is that it or are you scared?" Qrow asked skeptically.
"Pl-pl-pl-ease! Me scared? Don't be ridiculous," Ozpin denied as he got out of the car, then immediately after his teeth started chattering.
"Oh no. Of course not. He's the bravest Toon there is," Qrow snarked as he sipped his flask.
"Don't be a jerk, Qrow," Taiyang scolded.
"When you called Schnee you told him you had the will, but you don't. When he finds out he's going to be mad. He might try to kill ya!" Ozpin warned as he hugged a nearby wall.
Qrow gazed up towards Jacques' office, unperturbed.
"Ozpin has a point. Qrow had better be ready in case Schnee turns hostile,"
"I can handle a Hollywood cream puff. I just don't want the odds to change. You cover my back," Qrow ordered.
"Yeah. Uncle Qrow is a hardened detective. He can handle Jacques without a problem," Yang said with confidence.
"Assuming Jacques cooperates without a fight," Weiss countered, sipping a cup of lemon tea.
Qrow ascended a staircase into the studio. "If you hear or see anything beep the horn twice," he instructed Ozpin.
"Yeah. That's it. Beep the horn twice. Cover your back. Boy, I'm ready. Dukes set, eyes peeled, ears to the ground," Ozpin boasted.
From a doorway, a frying pan was held above Ozpin's head.
"Look out, Ozpin!" Nora cried out.
"Oh, great. Here we go," Yang sighed as things already started going wrong.
"Why, nobody gets the drop on Ozpin Rabbit!" he boasted.
The unseen assailant bonked Ozpin on the head, knocking him out cold. He was then dragged through the doorway.
Glynda shook her head. "Until now," she muttered at how quickly Ozpin was taken out.
"Now he's out of the picture," Maria noted.
"Uncle Qrow is on his own," Ruby fretted.
Inside his office, Jacques Schnee turned on a lamp. He had a golden gun in his hand as his gaze swept the room nervously. He tucked the gun into his pocket.
"Typical for a rich, greedy bastard to have a golden gun," Taiyang sneered at the screen.
"I think it's just gold-plated," Winter corrected. "But you have a good point."
Qrow snuck in through a secret door behind Schnee. He tapped Jacques on the shoulder, startling the executive into spinning around.
"What's up Doc?" Qrow greeted.
"Pretty jumpy, isn't he?" Nora commented as she ate a pancake snack.
"Yes, but what for?" Ren questioned.
"There could be rival businessmen after Port's will and he wants to be on guard," Weiss presumed.
"Branwen! What are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack?!" Jacques shouted.
"You need a heart before you can have an attack," Qrow quipped.
Everyone laughed at Qrow's quip. Even Weiss and Winter joined in at their father's expense.
"Buuuuurn!" Yang hollered.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Jacques brushed off Qrow's quip. "You got the will?
Sure," Qrow answered, briefly showing Port's will. "I got the will. Question is do you have the way? Cause I can tell you now, it ain't gonna come cheap."
Qrow wandered over to Jacques' liquor table.
"Can't you refrain from drinking until after the case is solved!" Glynda rebuked Qrow.
"Oh, get off my back already," Qrow retorted sharply.
"You've got a lot of brass coming up here by yourself," Jacques snarled.
"Who said I was here by myself?" Qrow shot back.
"Whoever knocked out Ozpin," Blake said flatly.
Back outside, Ozpin was thrown unconscious into the trunk of a car by Glynda. She put the frying pan in her purse and glanced up at Jacque's office, spotting Qrow's shadow through the blinds.
"Ms. Goodwitch?!" Ruby said in disbelief
Qrow narrowed his eyes. "What's she up to?" he questioned suspiciously.
"Well...maybe it's to keep him out of harm's way," Glynda said tentatively, although she began to fear for the worst.
Nora gasped. "You don't think she and Jacques have been working together all along?" she asked in a shaky voice.
"Okay, hardcase. How much?" Jacques asked impatiently.
"Give a girl a chance to think. Let's see," Qrow replied as he sipped a glass of whiskey. "Your take is three and a half million lien."
Jacque pulled his gun. "Let me see that will," he demanded.
"Uh-oh," Ruby muttered with worry.
Winter groaned. "You turned your back on him for a drink, and now he's going to take the will," she criticized Qrow.
"I told ya, I got it," Qrow said calmly with a shrug.
Jacques spun Qrow around and smacked the glass out of his hand. "I wanna see it now!" he shouted as he snatched the will from inside Qrow's coat.
Jacques read the will. "How do I love thee, Let me count the ways?"
While Jacques was distracted, Qrow reached behind him and grabbed a seltzer bottle from the liquor table.
"I'm not gonna give up that easily," Qrow said smugly.
"This supposed to be a joke?!" Jacque asked angrily as he stuffed the will into Branwen's belt.
"No! This is!" Qrow replied as he sprays seltzer into Jacque's eyes before knocking him down with a right hook.
"Nice job turning the tables," Taiyang complimented his brother-in-law.
Qrow snatched up the golden gun and pointed it at Jacques. "Get up," he ordered.
"What are ya gonna do to me Branwen?" Jacques whimpered as he got his feet.
"He's not so tough without his gun, is he?" Yang commented with a smirk.
"That's how he'd be in real life," Weiss agreed with a smirk of her own.
Qrow grabbed Jacques by his necktie. "I'm going to listen to you spin the Cloverleaf scenario," Qrow replied, tossing the gun away. "The story of greed, sex and murder. And the parts that I don't like, I'm going to edit out."
Qrow dragged Jacques over to an editing machine.
"Ooooh, this is gonna be good," Nora anticipated.
"You've got it all wrong. I'm a cartoon maker not a murderer!" Jacques cried in denial of the accusations.
"Everybody's got to have a hobby," Qrow countered.
Qrow stuck Schnee's necktie into the editing machine and switched it on, dragging Schnee's face closer to the machines spinning metal wheel.
"Geez, Uncle Qrow. Don't you think that's a little excessive?" Ruby asked.
"Hell no! That scumbag dragged me into this mess in the first place with that photo job," Qrow disagreed.
"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" Jacques begged, and Qrow turned off the machine. "The truth is I had a chance to sell my studio, but Cloverleaf wouldn't buy my property unless Port sold them his. The stubborn bastard wouldn't sell, so I was going to blackmail Port with pictures of him and the rabbit's wife. Blackmail, that's all."
"So, he had a business opportunity and resorted to extreme measures," Kali realized.
"But if he's telling the truth, then he didn't kill Port. Or frame Ozpin for that matter," Ghira added.
"So who did?" Blake asked the big question on everyone's minds.
Unbeknownst to the two men, an unseen assailant poked a silver, long barreled, revolver through the blinds from outside.
"They've got company," Jaune pointed out.
"But who is it. Ms. Goodwitch?" Saphron guessed, hoping she was wrong.
"What?! No! It...it can't be! Glynda denied loudly.
"I've been around toons all my life. I didn't want to see them destroyed," Jacques insisted in a strained voice.
"So, he's got some standards after all," Winter said in surprise.
"That only makes him slightly better than the real Jacques," Weiss added.
"Toons destroyed? Why?" Qrow questioned
"If I tell ya I'm a dead man," Jacques refused.
"Huh? What does he mean by that?" Jaune wondered.
"Maybe whoever runs Cloverleaf killed Port and threatened Jacques into going along with the entire scheme," Weiss theorized while sipping a glass of water.
"You're a dead man if you don't tell me," Qrow shot back, turning the machine back on.
Jacque's face was dragged mere inches from the machine's spinning wheel.
"Normally, I disapprove of police brutality. But in his case, I'll make an exception," Glynda remarked.
"So do I," Ghira added, not being a big fan of the Jacques Schnee.
"Unless Port's will shows by midnight tonight Toontown's going to be land for the-" Jacques choked out before being cut off.
At that moment Qrow spotted the reflection of the assailant's gun in one of the pictures frames on the wall. He then turned around a spotted the revolver and immediately dove for cover. The gun fired and hit Jacques in the back twice, killing him.
Weiss and Winter were briefly shocked to see their father killed but it subsided quickly.
"I'd be lying if I said I'd shed any tears for him," Winter said, while Weiss nodded.
"But what was he saying about Toontown? It was going to be land for whom?" Nora questioned with perturbation.
Qrow rolled across the floor and took cover behind a chair as the assailant fired at him a few more times, but luckily missed.
Qrow peaked over the chair with the golden gun in hand. He shot a glance at Jacques, hanging dead from the projector machine. He then rushed over to the window and peaked out. He spotted Glynda Rabbit fleeing the scene.
Everyone gasped at the apparent revelation that Glynda was the villain.
Ruby stared wide eyed. "I can't believe it," she whispered.
"This whole thing was her idea to take over Toontown?" Terra growled, making Adrien look a little scared.
"And faked her love for Ozpin to manipulate Qrow," Saphron added angrily.
"Glynda...how could you?" Ozpin whispered internally, feeling the same heart-wrenching pain of betrayal when Salem turned evil.
Glynda could only gape in shock and horror at her counterpart's villainy. She hung her head in shame.
Qrow exited the building and descended the staircase just in time to see a yellow car speed off.
"Ozpin!" he shouted, thinking the rabbit had chickened out and ditched him.
"Now where's she going with Ozpin?" Ghira asked aloud.
"Oum only knows," Kali replied.
"Then Qrow has to stop her before she gets away," Ozpin commented, worried for his counterpart.
Qrow hopped into his car and peeled out.
Glynda sped out of the studio, narrowly missing another car and a streetcar. Qrow followed shortly after, his car tires squealing as he sped down the road after her.
"Great. Another car chase," Weiss sighed.
"At least Benny isn't involved this time," Terra said.
Glynda made a turn past a road sign with the multicolored letters spelling 'Toon Town'. She entered a long, dark tunnel.
Qrow hit the brakes just outside the mouth of the tunnel. He climbed out of the car and gazed at the tunnel, hesitant to enter.
"I can't blame you for wanting to stay out of Toontown," Taiyang said in understanding.
"For all I know the toon that killed Raven is still lurking in there," Qrow added.
"That's a scary thought," Nora said with a shiver.
As Qrow stared at the tunnel, he was suddenly filled with a new resolve. He tossed his gun onto the car seat next to him and opened a bag. Inside was a heavy caliber Toon gun. Qrow took it out and admired it.
"Nice revolver," Ruby praised Qrow's weapon onscreen.
"But why not use Jacques' gun?" Jaune asked as he ate a handful of popcorn.
"I suppose that particular gun is stronger and more effective against toons," Ren assumed with a shrug.
"Or he just wants to catch up on old times," Maria weighed in.
Next, Qrow lifted up a flap in the bag to reveal six Toon bullets snoring. They woke up as Qrow opened the flap.
"What in Sam Hill?" one of the bullets said in confusion.
"Qrow Branwen!" a second said happily.
"Well, you're a sight for sore eyes," a third added.
"I ain't seen you for nigh onto five years!" the first bullet said.
"Wait... he's kept that revolver in there for five years?" Oscar questioned.
"That must have been especially boring for the bullets," Ozpin commented.
"Where've you been?" the second bullet asked.
"Drunk," Qrow answered simply. "Feeling frisky tonight fellas?"
The bullets became overjoyed and eager for some action.
"Yeah!"
"Let's go."
"Yahoo!"
The bullets hopped into the revolver themselves.
Feeling his strength returning, Qrow was about to take a swig from a bottle of scotch. Then he paused and gazed at the liquor. He then slowly poured it out onto the street.
There was a round of applause at Qrow finally kicking his drinking habit.
"He's finally realized that booze has brought him nothing but misery since he lost Raven," Ghira pointed out.
"Indeed. You can't just drown out the pain of the past," Kali added with a nod.
"He shouldn't drink and drive anyway," Glynda finished.
He threw the bottle into the air and shot a toon bullet at it. The bullet whooped like a native and shattered the bottle with a tomahawk.
Qrow then hopped into the car and drove straight down the tunnel towards Toontown.
"Atta boy, Qrow!" Taiyang cheered.
"Go get her!" Yang added with a fist pump.
"We're finally gonna see Toontown!" Nora cheered as she pumped her fists in excitement.
At the end of the long, dark tunnel was a pair of bright red curtains. They lifted to reveal Toontown in all its wacky glory.
It was daytime and the road changed to a dirt one. A bright, sun with a buck-toothed face rose up over the horizon and began singing. He was joined in by anthropogenic trees lining the road that made funny faces at Qrow as he drove.
"Smile, Darn ya smile."
"You know this whole world is a great world after all."
Qrow gaped at the sheer madness of Toontown, wondering how his counterpart never went insane from working there.
Everyone else laughed, smiled, or bobbed their heads to the amusing but heartwarming song.
Ruby, Nora, and Adrien were especially delighted by the little musical as they clapped their hands to the beat.
Qrow squinted his eyes against the bright sunlight. He looked from left to right, seeing hundreds of toons frolicking across the countryside and singing along with the sun.
"Smile, Darn ya smile."
"And right away watch Lady Luck pay you a call."
"This is kinda trippy," Qrow remarked, reminded of drinking an especially strong cocktail at a party years ago.
"It may be charming and humorous, but I can't imagine being struck in Toontown for too long without losing my mind," Weiss remarked.
"I can. I'd be right at home with them," Nora disagreed with a goofy grin as she continued bouncing to the music.
"Things are never black as they are painted."
"Time for you and joy to get antiquated."
"Make life worthwhile."
"So, Smile, darn you smile!"
"Meaning, don't let depression consume you and live life while you still can," Maria roughly translated the lyrics.
"Wise words to live by," Ghira agreed with Maria.
"Well, I just kicked my drinking habit. That's a good start," Qrow praised himself.
As Qrow drove along three hummingbirds appeared in front of the windshield.
"Hi Qrow!" the hummingbirds chorused.
The hummingbirds zipped around Qrow a few times, repeating "Hi Qrow!" several more times.
"Go away, will ya!" Qrow grumbled at the birds onscreen.
"Bye Qrow!" they said through the rear window as Qrow turned to look at them.
"Watch the road, Qrow!" Taiyang warned, but it was too late.
Suddenly, Qrow crashed his car. He poked his head out noticed it was Glynda's car, which had crashed into toon truck carrying Port gag products.
"Damn birds made me crash my car!" Qrow complained.
"Looks like you're hoofing it now," Yang said.
"Well, at least he got there in one piece," Taiyang noted.
Qrow got out of his wrecked vehicle with a sigh. All around him, Toontown was bustling with its animated residents.
"This is so cool!" Nora said with exuberance.
"I know! Even the buildings are living toons!" Ruby beamed.
"Toontown!" Adrien babbled with joy, eliciting 'awwws' from every female audience member.
"That's right, Adrien," Terra cooed as she ruffled her son's hair.
Qrow looked inside Glynda's wrecked car, but there was no sign of her. He then banged his head on the window frame, creating a flock of toon birds hatch out above his head.
"Get outta here!" Qrow shooed the birds away.
"No, no, no, Uncle Qrow. Not birds, stars," Yang giggled, referencing Oobleck at the start of the movie.
Everyone else laughed at Yang's callback while Qrow sighed.
Qrow looked up a tall building and spotted Glynda's shadow through a window.
Qrow entered the building a pressed the call button for the elevator. The lift descended, hitting the the ground so hard it shook whole building. The doors opened, revealing Zwei was the lift man. He wore a bellhop outfit and walked upright.
"Going up, sir," Zwei said in a dull monotone.
"Is that Zwei?" Taiyang asked in surprise.
"D'aaaw! He looks so cute in that little outfit," Ruby cooed at her beloved dog's counterpart.
"I know!" Weiss agreed in adoration, her hands to her cheeks.
Zwei tilted his head curiously at his onscreen counterpart.
Qrow stepped onto the elevator and fell about two feet down to the floor. "Yaaaaaghh!"
Qrow looked up at Zwei, who was standing on a wooden box. "Mind the step, sir," the dog said.
"Oh, now he tells me," Qrow groused while everyone else laughed at the scene.
Annoyed, Qrow stood up while Zwei shut the elevator.
"Hold on, sir," Zwei warned.
The lift shot up with so much velocity that it squashed Qrow flat to the floor like a pancake.
The audience laughed even louder while Qrow scowled at the screen.
"How did that not kill him?" Jaune asked in surprise.
"I suppose toon physics apply to humans as long as they're in Toontown," Maria assumed.
"Lucky for me," Qrow said with relief.
"But...what about Raven?" Taiyang asked in a somber voice.
"Well...the killer could have used a real piano instead of a live one," Blake theorized, trying not to sound callous.
Then, the lift then stopped so suddenly so that Qrow was launched upward into the padded roof of the elevator. "Aaaaah!"
"Your floor, sir," Zwei announced as he looked up at Qrow.
Qrow came tumbling out of the lift. Zwei poked his head out of the lift before the doors closed.
"Have a good day, sir," Zwei said while Qrow glared at him.
The elevator departed, as Qrow peaked through the keyhole on Glynda's door. He spotted her inside with some underwear in her hands.
"Peeping Tom," Glynda hissed at Qrow.
"Gotcha," Qrow whispered as he opened the door.
"Don't you ever knock!" Winter rebuked Qrow.
"Not when you're suspected of double homicide," Qrow shot back.
"That remains to be seen," Maria said, not entirely convinced that Glynda was the culprit.
"Glynda" turned her head toward Qrow, her hair concealing her face. Then the hair morphed into an unkempt style, revealing an ugly, lankyy hag with, rotten crooked teeth, sagging breasts, and freckles.
"A man!" the hag said with hearts in her eyes.
Nora, Ruby, Jaune, and Adrien all screamed at the sight of the hag while everyone else recoiled in surprise.
"Yikes!" Taiyang and Ghira said together.
"Who the hell is that?!" Qrow holding a trembling finger towards the screen.
"It sure as hell isn't Ms. Goodwitch!" Yang said while shaking her head in horror.
The hag sprinted towards Qrow, her lips puckered and smacking for a kiss.
Horrified, Qrow slammed the door shut, and Lena's lips impaled the door, still smacking.
Lena kicked down the door with a crash. "Yoo-hoo! Lover boy! It's Lena Hyena!" she hollered.
"Oh hell no!" Qrow whispered in terror.
"That's what you get for being a pervert," Glynda said smugly.
Qrow fled to the men's bathroom, missing the 'Out of Order' sign on the doorknob. Inside, he felt the wind blow, and he looked down in puzzlement.
"Arrrrggghh!" Qrow screamed in horror as there was no floor as he hung briefly in mid-air thousands of feet above the ground.
"Oh, for Monty's sake! Can't anything go right for me!" Qrow shouted in exasperation.
"I hope not," Winter giggled under her breath.
"Oh no!" Qrow whimpered before beginning to fall, grabbing his hat.
After falling a few dozen floors, Qrow managed to grab hold of a flag pole.
"Nice to see your still hanging in there, buddy," Taiyang joked, eliciting groans from the audience except for Yang.
"Oh, shut up!" Qrow grumbled.
A little bird nest was perched on the flag pole. Out of it hopped May Marigold, a tiny toon bird with blue feathers.
May waddled over to Qrow's hands. "Oh look! Piggies!"
"Hi May," Qrow greeted.
"Wait...what does she mean piggies?" Nora questioned.
"I have a feeling it isn't good," Ren answered.
May began removing Qrow's grasp one finger at a time. "This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home," she said.
"No!" Qrow begged.
"Hey! What the hell are you doing?!" Qrow yelled at the screen.
"Nope. Definitely not good," Ren said.
"This little piggy had roast beef," May went on plucking Qrow's fingers. "And this little pig had..."
Qrow's last finger was unclasped, and he was sent falling again. "Aaaaaaarrghhh!"
"Uh oh! Ran outta piggies!" May said nonchalantly.
"That wasn't very nice," Ruby said with a pout.
"Oh, he'll be fine. Toon physics after all," Winter said with a wave and shot a smirk at Qrow.
As Qrow fell, Velvet Bunny and Coco Mouse appeared next to him wearing goggles and parachutes strapped to their backs.
"Eh, what's up, Doc?" Velvet asked as she munched on a carrot. "Jumping without a parachute? Kinda dangerous, ain't it?"
"Look. It's Coco and Velvet," Ruby pointed out with a smile.
"Too bad they're not here to watch this," Blake said, missing the two since Beacon.
"Yeah. They would have loved to see themselves as toons," Yang added as she sipped a soda.
"Yeah," Qrow said nervously.
"Yeah. Ha! You could get killed," Coco giggled.
"Really? No shit?" Qrow deadpanned.
"You girls got a spare?" Qrow asked desperately.
"Uh, Velvet does," Coco said, pointing at her partner.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. But I don't think you want it," Velvet said doubtfully.
"I do! I do! Give it to me!" Qrow begged.
"For the love of Oum, give it to me!" Qrow yelled.
"Gee. Ha ha. Better let him have it, Velvet," Coco said with a giggle.
"O.K. Doc. Whatever you say. Here's the spare," Velvet said as she handed Qrow a brown bag.
"Thank you," Qrow thanked as he pulled the release cord, only to reveal a tire with the word spare written on it. "Aw no! Aaaaarrrgghh!"
Everyone burst out laughing at Velvet's gag while Qrow sputtered indignantly.
"Oh come on! That's not funny!" Qrow complained.
"You're right. It was hilarious!" Taiyang said as he panted from laughing.
Qrow continued plummeting towards the ground past the two toons.
"Aw. Poor fella," Coco said sympathetically.
"Yeah. Ain't I a stinker?" Velvet chuckled.
"She's really different from our Velvet," Jaune remarked, surprised by the rabbit faunus' prankster nature.
"Qrow sure must be tired of all the by toon insanity by now," Yang joked, eliciting groans from everyone except for Taiyang.
"And we're all tired of your ridiculous puns," Weiss said, while Yang just stuck her tongue at the heiress.
Qrow was just about to hit the road when Lena caught him in her arms.
"My man!" she as she planted a big sloppy kiss onto Qrow, much to his disgust.
"Oh Monty! Not her again!" Qrow said in terror, being reminded of a crazy ex he once had during his Beacon days.
Taiyang shook his head. "Not your day, is it, man?" he asked with a hint of pity.
The kiss sent Qrow tumbling down the road.
Qrow looked up to see Lena stampeding towards him at full speed at the sound of an oncoming train.
"Come to Lena!" she hollered lustfully.
Adrien whimpered and covered his eyes in fear of Lena.
"She's almost as scary as Tyrian," Nora commented with a shudder.
"I second that notion," Ruby agreed while staring wide-eyed at the screen.
Qrow looked down at the road and got an idea. He picked up the white line painted on it, tore it in half, and laid the loose end it against a nearby brick wall. Lena followed the line around and smashed herself into the wall, knocking herself out.
"Toons. Gets 'em every time,"
Yang, Nora, Jaune and Ruby all laughed at the classic toon gag.
"Very clever. Drawing on his experience working with toons," Ghira complimented.
"Yeah. Nice thinking, Qrow," Taiyang said.
"I guess working in Toontown has it's perks after all," Qrow admitted.
Qrow then heard footsteps in a nearby alleyway and entered it with his gun at the ready. It was very dark and gloomy. Qrow cast a shadow over the wall besides him.
"Achoo!" Qrow sneezed.
"Gesundheit!" Qrow's shadow said.
"Thank you," Qrow thanked before doing a double-take.
Yang laughed. "Even his shadow is a toon," she said.
"All right. Enough of these shenanigans," Qrow said impatiently. "Where's Glynda?"
Behind Qrow, Glynda appeared and aimed her gun at him. "Branwen!" she called.
Qrow heard her and slowly turned around with his hands raised.
"Oh no," Ruby whispered.
"There she is," Ren said dully in response to Qrow's question.
"She got the drop on him," Kali said with worry.
"I always knew I'd get it in Toontown," Qrow said calmly, resigned to his fate.
Then, the shadow of a gun pointing crept across the wall right behind Qrow from the direction opposite to Glynda.
"Huh? Who's that?" Nora questioned.
Ren examined the shadow closely. "It looks like..." he began before his eyes widened in realization.
"Behind you!" Glynda warned as she fired.
Qrow spun around just in time to see Glynda's bullet hit the assailant's gun, knocking him down and causing him to drop his weapon.
"Sh-she saved him?!" Saphron said in disbelief.
"What the hell is going on?" Qrow asked in puzzlement.
Spinning back around, Qrow pointed his gun at Glynda. "Drop it, lady!" he ordered.
Glynda complied and raised her hands. "I just saved your life, and you still don't trust me?"
"I couldn't have said it better myself," Glynda agreed with her counterpart while glaring at Qrow.
"I don't trust anybody or anything!" Qrow stated loudly.
"Not even your own eyes?" Glynda asked as she pointed at the silver revolver on the ground. "That's the gun that killed Jacques Schnee and Tyrian pulled the trigger."
"What?!" half the audience gasped at the revelation.
"Tyrian is behind all of this?!" Ruby said angrily.
"That asshole killed Mr. Port and framed Ozpin?!" Nora added with equal anger.
"We should have known," Weiss said while shaking her head.
"Tyrian?!" Qrow said in disbelief.
"I followed him to the studio, but I was too late to stop him," Glynda explained with grief.
"That's right!" Tyrian admitted as he ran off. "You'll never stop me! You're dead. You're all dead!"
"Looking back at it, it's not that surprising," Maria said, looking back on all the facts.
"You're right. The outfit, the Dip, his hatred of Toons, and fixation on killing Ozpin," Ren listed the number of reasons Tyrian would turn out to be the villain.
"I figured he was just a self-righteous court official who was on a wild goose chase," Winter commented.
"Tyrian!" Branwen shouted as he fired three times with his Toon gun.
However, before the Toon bullets could hit Tyrian, he disappeared down an alley. The bullets grinded to a halt.
"Which way'd he go?" the first bullet asked in confusion.
"Well, I don't know.
A third bullet pointed the wrong way. "He went that way."
The bullets zipped off in the wrong direction.
"What are they, blind? He was right there!" Nora shouted.
"Well, they weren't much help," Winter muttered.
"Stupid bumpkin bullets. I should have used a real gun," Qrow criticized his counterpart.
"Dum dums," Qrow said as he threw the gun away.
"Come on!" Glynda said as she led Qrow out of the alley.
The duo arrived at Glynda's car. The trunk was open and empty.
"Oh no! Where's Ozpin?" Glynda asked with worry.
"Ozpin? He chickened out on me back at the studio," Qrow claimed.
"No, he didn't. I hit him on the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk. So he wouldn't get hurt," Glynda explained.
"So, I was correct," Glynda said with a smirk while Qrow huffed.
Qrow pursed his lips in thought. "Makes perfect sense," he admitted.
"That does make sense. He would have messed things up, otherwise," Qrow said, earning glares from much of the audience.
"We're obviously not going anywhere in my car. Let's take yours," Glynda suggested.
Screeching tires could be heard in the distance. Qrow looked down the road. He saw swerving tire marks lead off into the distance past burst fire hydrants and toppled street lamps.
"I've got a feeling someone already did," Qrow said, gesturing to the chaos Ozpin left behind.
"See, I told you," Qrow said, gesturing towards the screen.
"Probably for the best, seeing that Tyrian is running around Toontown," Maria added.
"From the looks of it I'd say it was Ozpin," Glynda deducted. "My honey bunny was never very good behind the wheel."
"A better lover than a driver huh?" Qrow
"You'd better believe it buster," Glynda while jabbing her finger.
Many of the audience members snickered at Glynda's line.
"That means he's really good in the sack," Taiyang remarked.
"Dad!" Ruby chided her father.
A police siren could be heard, and the Toon Patrol's van came skidding around the corner in the background.
"Uh oh! It's the weasels," Glynda said. "This way, we'll take Gingerbread Lane."
Qrow grabbed Glynda's arm. "No wait! No, no. Gingerbread Lane's this way," he corrected as he stuck out his thumb.
As if from nowhere, Benny the cab appeared in front of Qrow and Glynda. In the background, the Toon patrol floored down the road towards them.
"So, Branwen. You call a cab or what?" Benny asked.
"Wow. He wasn't kidding about just sticking out his thumb for a ride," Maria said in an impressed tone.
"Oh, come on! Not that reckless jerk again," Saphron complained, remembering Benny's horrible driving skills.
"They don't have any other options," Terra informed her wife.
"Hubba, hubba, hubba," Benny cat called to Glynda as he opened door for her. "Allow me, madam."
Benny sped off, narrowly dodging the Weasel's van.
Benny sped down the tunnel leading out of Toontown.
"So how long have you known it was Tyrian?" Qrow asked.
"Before poor Peter Port was killed, he confided in me that Tyrian wanted to get his hands on Toontown, and he wouldn't stop at anything," Glynda explained.
"But why would Tyrian want Toontown in the first place?" Kali questioned as she ate a tuna sandwich.
"I don't know. But, he did say Toontown was under his legal jurisdiction," Ren reminded. "So, in the event of Port's death, Tyrian would probably own Toontown."
"Unless, of course, Port's will proclaims otherwise," Weiss said, wondering who was running Cloverleaf.
"So, he gave you the will for safe keeping?" Qrow assumed.
"That's what he told me, except when I opened the envelope there was only a blank piece of paper inside," Glynda revealed.
"Huh! A joker till the end," Qrow scoffed, not particularly surprised.
"Wait a second? Does that mean there is no will?" Ruby said in confusion.
"But it was visible in Port's pocket from that photograph that Qrow took," Blake reminded, equally puzzled.
"So, where the hell is it?!" Qrow questioned, frustrated by all of Port's hijinks.
"So where to already?" Benny asked impatiently. "My meter's running."
"I have to find my darling husband. I'm so worried about him," Glynda fretted with a hand to her face.
"Awwww, that's so sweet," Kali cooed with a hand to her chest.
"She truly does love Ozpin," Saphron added, relieved that Glynda Rabbit was a good person after all.
"Seriously? What do you see in that guy?" Qrow asked incredulously.
"He makes me laugh," Glynda answered simply.
"That's a great quality for anyone to have," Yang stated, always admiring a good sense of humor.
"And any toon that makes someone laugh is grade-A marriage material," Maria added with smile.
"So, I was faithful to Ozpin all along," Glynda said, relieved that her counterpart wasn't the villain.
As the trio exited the tunnel, Tyrian could be seen standing on the side of the road. He kicked over a barrel of Dip, spilling it across the road.
Benny couldn't stop in time. He drove across the Dip and it popped his tires.
"Aaaaahhh! I've been dipped!" Benny cried out in pain as he spun out of control and crashed into a lamppost.
"Thank goodness it was only his tires," Kali said with relief, not wanting to see another Toon get dipped.
"Even so, that must hurt like hell," Ghira said with a wince. "Like being burnt with acid."
Branwen and Glynda were sent flying out of the cab while Benny passed out from the impact.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Tyrian mockingly clicked his tongue as he stood over the duo. "What an unfortunate accident. Nothing more treacherous than a slippery road and especially when driving in a maniacal Toon vehicle."
"You bastard! I hope you get yours," Nora snarled at the screen.
"Me too," Ruby said venomously.
Everyone was taken aback by the two girl's unusual hatred, especially Taiyang and Ren.
Glynda glared up at Tyrian while the weasels arrived from the tunnel and pulled up across the street.
"Good work, Judge," Smart-Ass praised Tyrian.
"Don't just stand there. Help them," Tyrian instructed the weasels with a chilling grin.
Unbeknownst to Tyrian, Benny regained consciousness and overheard him speaking.
"At least Benny's still all right," Jaune said.
"Maybe he can still help somehow," Oscar added hopefully.
"Or Ozpin will show up to save the day," Saphron said hopefully.
"Put them in my car. I think they'll enjoy attending the ribbon cutting at the Port factory," Tyrian said ominously.
"Come on, you mugs!" Smart-Ass instructed his goons.
"At least they haven't got the will," Ruby said, trying to sound optimistic.
"Assuming there even is a will," Ozpin said. "Because if there isn't, Toontown is as good as Tyrian's."
Author's Note- Well, the finale to this adaptation is nearly here. As well as the horrible reveal of Judge Tyrian's identity. The audience is going to be scarred for life, as many of you undoubtedly were.
I also published this chapter in a bit of a rush because I had things to take care of this morning. If there's any spelling or grammar errors, let me know.