The World Of Destiny Island
A/N: Kingdom Hearts is the property of Square-Enix blah, blah blah...
No Ordinary Year is by and copyright Anael, from the Once Upon A Dream album.
No Ordinary Year
Kairi was tired of being a victim.
What did one have to do to not get shot at?
Or kidnapped.
Forget praying for a hero to show up in the nick of time, what she needed was something that told villains: try the damsel down the street.
All these years her attempts to be taken seriously as anything but amusing eye-candy have produced only a reputation for quirky humor and penchant for power tools. What was she doing wrong?
She cleared her thoughts. This wasn't the time to feel sorry for herself, plenty of time for that later, and maybe someone nice and attractive will be around to offer her a shoulder to cry on...
No! That's just the sort of thinking I'm not going to be doing anymore. I'm a capable self-reliant woman now! she thought.
Dad always said that when you're feeling overwhelmed it helps to make a list or two.
Girl Friday's list of current difficulties:
1. Kidnapped by aliens.
2. Island paradise slated for reconstruction, or something.
3. Contractually obligated to serve a potentially evil boss.
4. Lost friends.
5. Made a new friend, not sure about his loyalties or his sanity, lost him too.
6. Kinda hungry.
7. But nauseous.
8. Uncomfortable new footwear raising blisters on ankles.
That neatens things up, Kairi thought.
Things I can do about any of this (as corresponds to the numbered list above):
1. Nothing.
2. Nothing
3. Nothing
4. Nothing
5. Nothing
6. Nothing
7. Uh, it's gonna be something in a minute…
8. Nothing.
God, I 'm depressed, Kairi thought. Maybe I should pray.
This didn't strike her as a satisfying solution. Kairi's own spirituality was rather limited, and why not? Her father was a pure materialist, Mom was a laughable superstitious yahoo, and the only religious authority on the island claimed that if there were gods, they only take an interest in people to screw with them. The hypocrite.
She tried to wrest the memory of her recruitment out of last night's jumble, which only made her head hurt worse than all the loud clanging that came from the escalator they took to the laboratory on the fourth floor. Wherever they were ultimately headed, she hoped it was quiet.
"Watch out for the dinosaur," Frega warned her before ducking nimbly behind a large duct. She followed Frega quietly, unlike old Kairi, who would've frozen and maybe wet herself a little. They waited for the tyrannosaurus to lurch towards the only open doorway in sight.
They walked into the destroyed lab, Frega held his staff at the ready while he scanned corners and empty cages.
"Watch the door," he said. He pulled several instruments from smashed cabinets and put them carefully in his bag.
Her gut finally forced its contents back out the way it came. She didn't think she'd eaten so much...
"Ech! Wax fruit!" Kairi coughed up a chunk of something that appeared to be part of an apple.
"You were extremely drunk," Frega said. "Edward particularly loved your strip tease," he added.
"You're making that up!" she shot back.
"Maybe," he said, and grinned. "Let's go, there's very little time left."
They had to stop twice to allow Kairi to retch and rest, R&R as Frega called it. He led her through many dark corridors, the secret paths of the station.
"There are too many experiments loose on the rest of the floors," he explained. "Too many corpses, it's not a thing a lady should see."
Minutes later they reached a dark room, a dead end. Frega punched a code into the keypad by the door and placed his thumb over the lit pad for scanning.
"Girl Friday," Frega stood in front of a lonely door in a dark room. "Take my hand." He held out his hand palm up. She took his hand.
The world went liquid, she felt herself turn runny…
She shook her head and the illusion went away. He led her out into a brisk nighttime in a land much more arid than her island home. The door slammed shut behind them, and she realized how dark it was in this strange wilderness.
She could hear insects and animals, and certainly there were trees nearby. The place smelled unfamiliar, she dismissed the possibility that they were close to Destiny Island.
"Human eyes are so bad in the dark," Frega said. He pulled her along gently. "There we go. Do you know where we are, Girl Friday?"
"No," she said, "It feels different here."
"We're outside of an old town on the outskirts of Burmecia's farming communities. This used to be called Old Damcya, now even that name isn't on the new maps. Edward loved to come out here when he was a young man– had some girl out here I gather. I hope you like camping."
"No, sir."
"I wasn't asking. But you'll get used to it. The forest is where we all come from, so you'll get used to it. Watch your step."
"Yes, sir."
She felt the difference in the air when they passed beneath the trees of the forest, it got colder. Small shrubs and grasses brushed her legs, and as they worked their way into the undergrowth she was glad to have the long cloak, hat, and boots.
Eventually he did stop. Her eyes were adjusting to the dark, but all she could see was a large shadow looming above them.
"This is the outer wall of the city. There's going to be some climbing from here on out, but we can sleep safely at the end of it." He pushed her forward until she stumbled and fell against the side of a very steep hill. She scrambled up through the carpet of dead leaves and wished she were back home.
Stupid victim status.
They climbed and climbed, up hills, down hills, over ruins and through clumps of trees so thick that she started to get paranoid. Mom told her about trees that could move and kill people (particularly bad little children who wandered away into areas they weren't supposed to be.)
Stupid forest.
"Almost there, little one," he said, not the least bit out of breath. "And here it is," he said after she ran in to another wall.
Not gonna give him the satisfaction of seeing me suffer, she blinked the tears away and rubbed her head.
"This should keep us safe," he rapped the earth with his staff, the top lit up with several small, multicolored lights. The glow showed her that she had climbed into a circular room, one of which only the jagged stone wall remained. The floor dipped smoothly, like a shallow bowl, but over the centuries it had filled with dead leaves.
"That's weird, nothing grows here," she stated.
"Very observant," Frega said. He sounded slightly surprised. "Nothing will ever grow here, this is where "Death rests her weary foot."" He wandered over to the wall and put his hand on the clean stone surface. "Look closely at this wall. See the texture?"
She looked and looked, but it was too dark to see anything very subtle.
"I can't," she said, taking off one of her gloves. She put her bare fingers against the wall and shivered at the too cold sensation she felt. A moment passed, she dragged her fingers across the surface. The stone wasn't smooth, but the rough little grooves were so tiny that she guessed even in the full light of day the wall looked smooth, no cracks. She detected a gradual tilt inward, so maybe this room was the ruin of a tower with a diminishing circumference at every floor.
"It's a tower," she said.
"It's a fossil," Frega said. "A Lifa tree."
"They're just fairy tales!"
"They're nearly extinct is all, and I'll tell you a secret," he leaned close to her ear and she smelled the patchouli in his clothes. The brims of their hats touched. "The Luna hate these things!" he whispered.
"You're crazy," she pulled away.
"Hm, yeah," he said happily and took his hat off. He sat down in the leaves and started arranging a nest. "We'd better get some sleep. I've got a special assignment for you tomorrow." He patted the ground next to him.
She settled down uneasily as he continued to build a temporary nest out of the leaves.
"This place is too scary to sleep in," she complained.
"I can gaurantee that there's nothing out there worse than me," he said and he grinned hugely, showing off his fangs. He sounded suspiciously nicer, she thought.
She eased herself onto the ground and drifted off to sleep.
The two black mages walked into the country town, heedless of the stares. Not that they weren't welcome, tourists were always welcome in Outer Palmeria, but black mages were an unexpected and curious sight anywhere below the mountains of Mysidia. People had to look, if not for the reputation of the mages, then for the antiquated style of dress they still wore after centuries. The Palmerians smiled and waved to the newcomers.
"Excuse me," one of the mages stopped an older gentleman, who kept flicking his gaze up to the black staff in the mage's hand. "We're antiquarians, it's our hobby. Can you recommend any unusual landmarks, or buildings particularly, of historical significance?"
"Oh, well, certainly," the gentleman settled and began a long-winded lecture about the role of Outer Palmeria in several small wars. Kairi tuned out, and stared at the novelty taffy puller in the candy shop window across the street.
If you'd asked me a few months ago where I saw myself going in the future, I never would've thought I'd be here doing this she thought. Far from home and serving an elf. Focus, Kairi. There's got to be a pay phone around here. That was the first order of business.
Poor Mom, she shouldn't be all alone. She's probably sick with worry!
"Thank you, sir," Frega said.
"Not a'tall, sir. Good day."
"Well, that was easy," Frega said to her. The little glowing spots that were his eyes narrowed. He poked her in the shoulder with his sharp little finger. "Pay attention!"
Just then a gorgeous old jalopy coasted by. The paint was deep purple, with brand-new rims that gleamed like polished silver, and the engine purred like new.
"Oooh! Spinners!" Kairi said. She'd never seen another car up close (the town on Destiny Island had one car, a crappy Edsel that some old resident "donated" for the use of the community.)
"Come on!" Frega pulled her along like a wayward child.
He dragged her all the way to the Outer Palmeria Museum, an old building with actual boards for a sidewalk.
"Just like home," Kairi said.
"Except there aren't any pirates urinating in public or passed out in the alley," Frega mentioned.
"Yeah. Weird."
They entered the museum and met no one, according to the sign on the front desk, the curator was out to lunch.
"Perfect, I only want to show you one little thing," Frega stalked into the one of the tiny rooms stuffed with dusty artifacts. Kairi paused at the dried up mummy on the table and walked fearfully around it.
"See this stone," he pointed into a drawer full of rocks. "This large one."
She leaned over the collection and pointed to the flat stone with the blocks of small writing.
"This one?"
"Yes, the rosetta stone. Study it, remember where it is and what it looks like."
"That shouldn't be hard," Kairi said. It stuck out among the bits of elf shot and broken figurines.
"Good. You're going to steal it tonight. Let's go." He whirled around and stalked out of the museum.
"Wait. What?
"Can't you just buy the thing? You're company's super rich!" she called as she followed him down the street.
"I like getting things for free," he said.
"ButI don't want to be a thief!" Several people turned to stare. Frega stopped.
"Don't raise your voice to me," he ordered.
"Yes, sir," she said through gritted teeth.
"It's not your place to question me," he said. "If you want to be my student, you must remember that!"
"I never asked to be your... student?"
"Now. We've got some time to waste before nightfall, and I want to look at some old buildings."
"Aw, man," Kairi moaned. "Could we get back to the student thing?"
"Stop complaining. It's unattractive." He waggled a finger at her.
"Let me see that contract a minute," she said; and he was probably waiting for this moment. He whipped that contract right out of his jacket and handed it to her. "Ha! Big mistake!" she said and she ripped the offending document right in half…
"Good," Frega snatched one half of the document out of her hand. The torn edge flattened out and the two halves of the contract grew into two separate and complete contracts. "Keep your copy with you, you also signed a nondisclosure agreement and we don't want to leave company secrets lying around."
"Arrgh!" Kairi yelled. She heard Frega laugh softly.
"Delightful," he said. "Come along, we've got a ninth-century foyer to look at."
"Those little brats! They totaled my beautiful Shiva!" Cid kicked at the remains of the gummi ship in the parking lot. Leon walked among the rubble with a large wad of duct tape in his hand.
"Cid? Remember when we crashed on that planet of crab-people and you said you'd fixed everything and not to worry about it?"
Cid took a calming drag on his cigarette and drew out the next sentence.
"Yeah?"
"I was just wondering if that had anything to do with the miles and miles of duct tape I found beneath the, um, well…"
"What? You got something against duct tape?"
"No, it's just… was the entire ship held together with nothing but duct tape?"
Cid's eyes shifted back and forth.
"Could be," he said. "What's your point?"
"Cid, that crash happened several months ago. We've been traveling around on a wing and a prayer, and duct tape?"
"You saying you don't trust me?"
"Of course not! I'm just saying that I find it a little disturbing that we've entrusted our lives to duct tape!"
"You're a mechanic all of a sudden? What do you have against duct tape?"
"Didn't this disaster prove–"
"It didn't prove a goddamn thing! Now go sulk somewhere and let me do what I do best. Keerist! You're young and you think you know everything." Cid muttered. Leon slunk off to think (definitely not to sulk! No way!)
Meanwhile, the girls were flirting with the bounty hunter.
"How much?" Yuffie said.
"Each," Seifer said coolly.
"They're criminals?" Aerith said doubtfully, "I mean, aside from the petty theft."
"I'm not at liberty to say," he brushed his hair back, "But it's pretty bad, if what the Luna tell me is true. Don't worry, ladies."
"I'm not." She wasn't falling for anything from this guy.
"They won't escape me, or justice, for long."
"Capturing children, hmm," Aerith said. "Good luck with that."
"We should team up!" Yuffie said quite unexpectedly.
"What?" Seifer said.
"What?" Aerith added.
"Scuse us," Yuffie told Seifer and she dragged Aerith away. "We should totally help this guy out. We could get a cut of the profits!"
"We're not hard up for cash," Aerith pointed out.
"Well," Yuffie shuffled her feet, "He's also kinda hot!"
"Oh... Oh. I see." Yuffie blushed and grinned. "I thought you and Leon…"
"Ugh! Mr. I'm-too-deep-and-mysterious-too-care? Please. He had his chance." Aerith looked at her skeptically. "And," Yuffie continued, "If it just happens to make him a little jealous…"
The unholy giggle of conspiring women made all the men in the parking lot shiver.
The Altoona lazily circled through the clear sky of the unknown planet. It settled in the sands of a pristine beach of white sand and crystal clear water. The gangplank thunked into the sand, gallons of water sluiced out of the hold and onto the beach.
Zidane, Mog, Chappu, Lilo, Stitch, and Wakka wandered out into the sun, drenched.
"I don't understand it," Mog said, plopping down into the sand, "There's no visible damage to any of the systems, or the engine… Where could all that water have come from? Lousy prototype ship..."
"Wow… Look at this place," Chappu stared out at the sea.
"Paradise," Zidane said. "Hey, Mog, do we have any beach chairs?"
"Aw, great idea!" Chappu said.
"Wait a sec," Wakka said, "we can't afford to take a break– we've got maniacs on our trail and a universe to get back to."
"Now why the heck would I have lawn chairs in the ship?" Mog asked the young thieves before turning on Wakka. "And you? You should relax. We've got light-years between us, and by the time they even get their ship back off the ground they'll have forgotten us. We could be anywhere."
"How long do you think it'll take 'em to get their ship back together?" Chappu asked.
"I'm not sure," Mog said. "I'm unfamiliar with that type of vessel.
"However. We should let the Altoona dry out before we seal ourselves in it again. You do not want to be stuck in an airtight vessel with a mildew problem, believe me. But first, all that adrenaline has taxed by poor widdle body, I'm gonna nap. Hakuna Matata ever'body," Mog fell onto his back and began to snore.
And so the crew spent a couple of days on the mysterious beach, sleeping, dancing, swimming, and playing blitzball.
"Okay, you little monster," Wakka growled at Stitch. Chappu watched the one-on-one game sleepily, while Zidane and Mog were learning some new dance moves from Lilo. "We settle this today."
Wakka crouched warily and waited for Stitch to try and throw the ball past him into his goal. No one had yet succeeded in breaking past his defense. "Let's see what you got! You're exhausted, far from your goal, and you've got to break past me, the greatest blitzball player in the tri-island district since Rev LeGrande– we're going to state! We're–"
"Oh, brother…" Stitch said. He lobbed the ball directly into Wakka's stomach. The Captain fell on his face and lay very still.
"Is he breathing?" Chappu asked when his brother didn't move for a full three minutes. He and Stitch rolled Wakka onto his back.
"Okay?" Stitch asked worriedly and poked him.
"Hair o' the dog!" Chappu yelled and kicked his brother in the stomach.
No response.
"Er, maybe I shouldna done that," Chappu said.
Lilo noticed what was going on and ran up to them.
"Quick! Somebody do CPR!" she said.
"CP-what?" Chappu said. "Look, it's okay, see? He's breathing. Phew!"
"CPR," she said, "You know, cardio pulmonary resuscitation." Chappu blinked.
"Gah?"
"Must... kill... brother..." Wakka groaned.
"What would you do if he didn't start breathing?" she asked.
"I don't know," Chappu said. "But Wakka's not the dying type. He's the toughest guy I know. His skull is solid rock." He rapped his knuckles on Wakka's head.
"Killll..." Wakka groaned.
"I don't know..." Lilo squinted at him. "Does anybody know anything about first aid?"
Wakka laid in the sand and listened to the younger members of his crew talk.
He began to have doubts about the success of his college career.
And he wondered if his crew respected him much.
Lilo shook him.
"Wakka? Are you alright?"
"Yeah. What is it, kiddo?" he asked.
"I was just wondering... what's that?" she pointed toward the beach.
A steel grey fin no bigger than a foot high zigzagged through the sand. It left a trail that indicated it was steadily making its way up the beach to the crew.
"Oh... more weirdness, how interesting," he said calmly, not wanting to upset the little girl. "Why don't you and Stitch and Chappu run into the ship now? You hear me, Chappu?"
"Yeah, okay," Chappu said absently.
"Come on, we have to get back into the ship," Lilo tugged at the boy's arm.
"What? What for?"
"Mog, Zidane!" Wakka yelled.
"Sand shark!" Mog screamed and pointed at the fin.
"Nobody panic!" Wakka said with as much authority as he could manage.
"Sand shark?" Chappu broke free from Lilo and turned to stare at the alien creature.
Another steel grey fin wove through the sand between the group and the ship.
"Well, Cap, what do we do?" Chappu asked him.
The two creatures heaved out of the sand, their bodies less sharklike and more wormlike. They threw a shower of dirt and grit over the area.
"Everybody run!" Wakka said. He grabbed Lilo and dove for the stand of palms to the right, thinking that perhaps the trees would impede the progress of the creatures.
Two shots rang out, clear above the grinding hiss of sand. Wakka dropped Lilo instantly and screamed.
"I've been shot!"
"Where?" Lilo asked, but Wakka would only repeat himself. It felt like he was watching himself act under the impulses of someone else. He wanted to take over again and get his crew to safety, but he couldn't get up.
He saw the creatures, mechanical and freakish with their disproportionately large jaws tower above them. Lilo wrapped her arms around him as one of the "sharks" angled toward them.
He'd been hoping that he could spend more time getting Myrna to divulge more details about his wild weekend or at least get those photographs away from her, but no. Here he was trying to catch up with a bumbling, ethically challenged salesman in order to save his life.
Why the hell has their luck been so bad anyway? Alright, maybe depending upon pirate-driven transportation should be a form of gambling, but the trip should've been straightforward. It's as though the gods have taken an interest in him again.
"Never a good thing," he muttered.
After looking through several cars and turning up no clues he decided to try going the other direction, towards the engine. He ran into Shadow outside of their compartment.
"Any luck?" Shadow asked, and Baralai could swear he heard a snicker in that inquiry. He ignored Shadow and continued towards the front, until he realized that he didn't see Interceptor anywhere.
"Myrna?" he went back and knocked on the bathroom door. It was empty, and no one was in the compartment either. At least she felt better. There was only one way she could've gone. He continued toward the engine.
He found her in the dining car.
"What are you doing?" he asked. She somehow talked the cook into letting her have her way in the kitchen.
"I'm making the world's largest sandwich." She laid a line of rolls along the length of the counter. "The trick to making a giant, continuous sandwich," she said, with a manic gleam in her eye, "is to make sure that there's a slice of meat or a thick leaf of lettuce or baby spinach, something, between the rolls. That way you can use more than one roll and claim it's the same sandwich!"
"Okay. Why?"
"For love, Baralai. Love. Food is love, and I love everybody on this train. Right down to the last foul-smelling hobo. They're all mine, and I'm their Sandwich Queen." She clasped her hands and beamed.
"I think you should go lay down," he said, her eyes looked a little off.
"Hey," the cook popped up from behind the counter, "let the lady finish her masterpiece."
Goliath smacked his lips.
"I don't see how you can still be hungry after all you've eaten," he said, and held up the sleeve of his tattered surcoat. Myrna pulled out a knife.
"Pardon me Marco," she said to the cook. In a fluid stroke she sliced through the lined rolls, precisely through the center and without missing a single one.
"That's a sharp knife, Madam," the cook commented.
"I noticed your set needed a little sharpening," Myrna said while she twirled the end of the blade against her thumb, "I could come back later and–"
The cook didn't know what to say. He stuttered, shuffled his feet and blushed.
"That wasn't a propisition," Baralai said to help the guy out. The cook laughed and took refuge in the kitchen to recover his wits.
"Have you seen the tea vendor," Baralai asked.
"Nope," Myrna threw a layer of cheeses onto the open rolls and hummed merrily.
"Where's–" Interceptor nosed his crotch again before he could finish his question. "Now stop that!" he pushed the dog away. "I don't know what that's supposed to tell you that you don't already know!"
A loud noise surprised them.
"Sounded like it came from the engine," Myrna said without looking up from her sandwich.
"Just… stay here," Baralai ordered her.
He put Goliath on the counter and ran out of the dining car.
"EEEEK!" Fester squealed. He fell out of the baggage compartment he'd been cowering in and landed at Baralai's feet.
"Finally," Baralai sighed, "A clue." He dragged the gibbering man to his feet. "Give me that bottle."
"But did you hear that noise?" Fester whined. "There's something on top of the train!"
"Of course there's something on the train!" Baralai said. "And it's probably a monster too, the way things have… been… going…?" He caught sight of an undulating tentacle feeling its way along the outside of the train windows and leaving a slimy film over the glass.
"Well dammit!" he let Fester go. Yes, now that Fester stopped squealing and whining he could hear something massive moving around on the roof. He had to do something about this. But first...
"Gimme that bottle, or I'll kill you and take it from your corpse!" Fester burst into fresh squeals of terror and curled up on the floor. It made the Praetor embarrassed just to watch, and he was actually starting to feel a little bad about threatening the man.
"There's a monster on the roof," Shadow seemed to slip out of the air itself to tell him this news in his deadpan voice.
"You're kidding," Baralai said in his own deadpan.
"I'll kill it," Shadow said, "Just don't forget to tell the Mayor to add that to her tally."
"Tally?"
"I want to keep an accurate count of the monsters I'm getting paid to kill."
"You're getting paid? The Mayor told me that you agreed to accompany us for a split of the profits, nothing about getting paid!"
"The Mayor says a lot of things, I gather," Shadow said. "But I don't do anything for free." With that Shadow threw another smoke bomb and disappeared.
"You're lucky," Baralai said to Fester, "He was going to kill you."
"Still am," Shadow replied from nowhere.
"Save me!" Fester clung to Baralai's leg. "Please! I don't deserve to die! I'll give you the product for free! All you want, just save me."
To Be Continued