Chapter 3

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

"2 AM (Breathe)", Anna Nalick

"Oh, good, there you are," Calleigh said as she found Alexx in the lounge.

"Were you looking for me, honey? What's wrong?" Alexx asked, looking up from her book.

"Nothing, it's just that Tim's not sleeping and he's all upset and irritable and he's going to make me crazy and I don't know what to do about it," she said in a rush as she slumped down in the chair across from Alexx.

"Ah," Alexx said. "I'd wondered. He's avoiding me."

"Of course he is. He doesn't want anyone to worry about him. He says he's done this before, but that doesn't exactly increase my confidence level here. He does really, really stupid things when he's tired, Alexx. I mean, seriously stupid. It's like the reasoning part of his brain shuts down. He goes riding late at night. He runs away from home, for God's sake- the time he left New York? He hadn't slept in days. It's a miracle he didn't kill himself before he got out of the city," she said. "And I don't know if I can stop him."

"He listens to you, Calleigh, even when it seems like he doesn't," Alexx assured her. "Really. He probably listens to you more than the rest of us."

"Yeah, I'm not sure that's comforting, either," she sighed. "He's doing that thing again, where you can just see his brain spinning behind his eyes. I hadn't noticed that wasn't happening until it started up again this week. And he's so restless. He's never still as it is, but it's even worse now."

"Has he talked to his doctor about this?" Alexx asked.

"Not yet, he says," Calleigh replied, closing her eyes.

"Is he going to?" Alexx asked.

"I don't know. I suggested that it might be a good idea, but I'm trying to be good about letting him deal with this the way he wants to. Because otherwise, I'd have called Andy about two days ago." She opened her eyes and looked at Alexx. "I like Andy, I really do. He's usually very good with Tim and he doesn't let him get away with stuff. But I think he underestimated Tim's capacity for understatement with this one. You really have to take anything Tim says about himself and magnify it by at least a factor of two in order to know what he's really saying. I think in this case, it needed a factor of, like, 10, and Andy missed that. Because if he says it won't be that bad, you really have to know it's going to be awful."

"Right," Alexx said. "I agree."

"So maybe there should have been some more instructions involved or something. I don't know. This was probably going to happen anyway, but that doesn't make it easier, you know?" She ran her hands through her hair. "And I'm not getting enough sleep, either, because I keep waking up to see if he's come to bed or not."

"Sweetie, he's going to be ok. If you believe that, he'll believe that, and that will help," Alexx said.

"Right," Calleigh sighed.

"Maybe you ought to take a breather," Alexx suggested.

"What do you mean?" Calleigh asked.

"Stay over with me tonight or something," Alexx replied.

Calleigh shook her head. "Oh, no. No, no. That would just freak him out more. No, I'm not going to leave him to do this alone."

"Ok, honey, but I think if you get some rest, that's going to help the situation," Alexx said.

"I know. I'm trying. Who knows, maybe he'll have finally reached the meltdown point tonight and he'll pass out on the couch. Wouldn't that be nice?" she sighed.

"It would," Alexx agreed.

"It's the pattern, you know," Calleigh mused. "He doesn't sleep much or at all for days and then he collapses. I had just hoped to avoid it, I guess."

"Probably unavoidable, anymore," Alexx said.

"More than likely," Calleigh sighed. She looked at her watch. "All right. I have to get back to work. Thanks, Alexx."

"Anytime, baby. You let me know if I can do anything for you," Alexx said.

"I will. Thanks," Calleigh said, getting up and walking out of the room. Alexx was right. She had to trust that it would be ok. But it was getting harder and harder to trust in that.