Chapter 3: The Death of Kate (written on June 18th, 2021)

An hour passed since I talked to Sasha, and I was still processing what she told me. Despite the fact that Sasha always kept to herself, I continuously held the belief that it wasn't her true self. There was seldom happiness, but her demeanor suggested she was someone who used to experience happiness. For as long as I could remember, she longed and longed and yearned and yearned until it became a practice as common as breathing. I could sense that her special one constantly occupied and overwhelmed her mind. Every few nights when I'd spot her staring at the moon, I could imagine the torture, the feeling of being agonizingly incomplete. The distance was killing her. But while Sasha's body language resonated with me, it wasn't as effective towards our de facto leader, Hutch, who had had enough of hearing her beloved's name be carried over multiple weeks. Hutch's mission was to move on, to create a new pack like our ancestors did in Jasper. While Jasmine, in her classic carefree fashion, obliviously agreed with all of Hutch's decisions, Sasha became defiant over time as the rift between her and Hutch grew. It worried me. I didn't want the only wolves I knew to butt heads. I couldn't take the drama, but if Sasha intended to leave soon, I couldn't stop her. Though her absence would be problematic to our survival, she was mature enough to make the choice. I just hoped it was worth it. I empathized, for I also wondered where I truly belonged.

I rested at my favorite spot on the sloping riverbank. Normally I'd be more enthusiastic when I fished. Instead, I simply basked with a few of my front toes submerged. I suspected a short nap would ease my own mind, but an approaching Alpha neutered my ambitions. It was Hutch, seeking a talk.

"I see you're trying to get more food."

"This is like the only thing I'm good at," I replied forlornly.

"You're good at being nice. You're the most polite wolf I know. Ever since the accident, I never heard you curse."

"What's the point? So wolves can curse back just to start an argument? No thanks. That's probably why you and Sasha keep fighting."

"Probably," he said sarcastically. "You know, tomorrow's the first day of winter. I'll be training Jessie and Jordan, those two rascals. I'm hoping to put their energy into good use."

"Nice. And I assume Jasmine'll train Jamie?"

"Yes."

"Nice."

"Hey, um... what do you think of this place? The place where we live?"

"Uh, it's alright. The mountain's cool. It's very quiet, but I mean... it's probably more boring than I'd like it to be." I saw Hutch stare at the ground. There was a long pause. Then he asked me something that I didn't anticipate from him.

"Well... what if I let you go...?"

"What?" I was in disbelief that the Alpha actually said that. Instantly, my drowsiness evaporated.

"What if I let you go on your own?"

"I... I don't know what to say... Is that what you want?"

"Of course not. You'll always be one of my closest friends. I love you, Kate... but since the meeting this morning, I've realized that we haven't been fair to you. I haven't been fair to you." Tears began sliding down his cheeks. This was the most emotional I've ever seen him be. "Let's face it. It's been about nine months. With your memory, nothing has improved. You're not the one that I know... but I love you, and that's why I think it may be best to let you go." My heart raced. I never thought I'd have such an opportunity.

"Wha... What do you mean? I can just leave you guys?" He then nodded with his eyes closed.

"I think it's unethical to force you to be with us because of your past self. Your past self no longer exists. I thought you would know who you were eventually but, like Sasha, I need to accept reality. If you're a totally new individual, you must decide your own way. We shouldn't force anyone to be something they're not, and you're not Kate. I deeply apologize if I ever made you feel that you never had options."

I sighed heavily. I decided to be as honest as I could.

"Look, our circumstance was the result of terrible events... I'm very grateful to all of you for getting me this far... But I will admit that... I've always felt out of place... despite how much I keep convincing myself that I have an obligation to stay. It seemed you guys really missed the old me, and I thought it would selfish to rob you all of the reminder. You're probably right. Kate is dead. And it does feel wrong to essentially use her corpse around her friends and family that I don't know."

"My thoughts exactly. And don't worry about being selfish. We're the selfish ones. We kept you as if we owned you, but the living outweigh the deceased."

"But what about Jenny? She's still quite attached to me."

"Like you said, Kate is dead. There was a time when I was around Jenny's age that I had to bury my own parents. And Jenny is an Omega, so... it's gonna be hard for her no matter what happens to you... By the way, it's better to go now while all of this is fresh on your mind otherwise you'll never leave."

"True," I admitted before taking a deep breath. I closed my eyes tightly. "I can do this. I can do it," I whispered to myself. "This is my life. I'm a free wolf." Indeed, for the first time since my rebirth, I felt free. A weight I wasn't aware of was lifted from my shoulders. There was no longer the looming pressure of expectation. I could be whatever I wanted. I could go wherever I want to go. The sky was the limit.

I reopened my eyes and smiled uncontrollably. "Thank you..." Hutch responded with a graceful nod that showcased his nobility.

Suddenly, I felt a small pinch on one of my submerged toes. Hutch noticed it in the water.

"Looks like you got something!" he remarked. "I think it's a bull trout."

"Might as well get a parting gift," I replied after standing up.

While the fish was distracted, I swung my other paw through the water. My claws caught the fish's scales, which sent the fish flying. I intended to grab it with my muzzle before it landed back into the water, so I spread my jaws apart. However, because of my rushed maneuver, I didn't take into consideration the possibility that the fish would land in my mouth headfirst. The whole thing slipped into my throat, which blocked my trachea. I immediately started choking! Using my paws, I repeatedly rubbed the front of my neck in an attempt to swallow, but the fact that the tailfin protruding from my mouth was still visible to my view quickly told me it was futile. That's when Hutch jumped into action. He got on top of my back, grabbed my waist with his forearms, and squeezed hard. The compressed air inside me then forced the fish out. It managed to return to the river and flee the scene... which I was thankful for... because a few seconds after lunch left, something extremely powerful took over me and Hutch... something primitive...

The squeezing of my abdomen made me instinctively moan, and I lowered my upper body as I lifted my tail up high. I was preparing myself, and Hutch knew exactly what to do. His member entered the correct hole, and he thrust his waist into my butt. And he kept thrusting, making my moans louder until they morphed into yells. A minute into our business, we approached the climax. A wave of warmth caused me to feel jittery. My back legs became numb. My brain was overtaken by a sensation of pleasure like no other. It was otherworldly.

Once the sensation subsided, I attempted to move forward, but I realized I was taking the other wolf with me. We were stuck together, and this would last for ten minutes. Over the course of that time, we panted. I at least was in utter shock at what just occurred. I didn't know I was capable of succumbing to lust in this way. It was as if I was desperate for it all along. Had the previous Kate been a virgin? I was surprised at how unashamed I was. It was like my body was telling me that I needed it...

After separation, Hutch dismounted me, and I could finally face him. The dark grey wolf looked just as shocked as I was, but he seemed to have some embarrassment.

"Oh, gosh... Oh, my gosh... Please tell me I didn't rape you..."

"No!" I assured. "No... I... I liked it... That was umm... lovely." I didn't know what else to do during the awkward moment, so I leaped over the small stream and took one look at Hutch who struggled to form a smile. "Umm... I'll see you around... I think..." Hutch gulped before responding.

"Yeah... See you around... umm..."

"Katie," I finished for him.

"Yeah... Katie. That works."

"You did say you wanted a line of succession. Heh, heh." I tried to make a joke to break the awkwardness but it failed. "Bye, Hutch..."

"Rest in peace, Kate," he replied in a bittersweet tone.

I smiled for a brief moment before hurrying through the bushes and jogging out of his sight.