Chapter 6

All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

"Unwell," matchbox twenty

The nurse was still sitting in the chair. Things were hazy, but he was awake again. He'd been drifting in and out, and not sure what was going on.

"Is Calleigh here?" he asked. He had the feeling he'd been asking, and should know the answer, but he wasn't sure.

"She's in the waiting room. She's fine," the nurse replied. He couldn't remember her name.

"Oh," he said. He looked down at the IV in his hand. "What's in there?" he asked, nodding towards bag hanging from the pole.

"Just saline and electrolytes. You were dehydrated," she explained.

"Oh," he replied again. He listened to the noise outside of the room. "It's pretty busy in here," he commented.

"A little, yes," the nurse said, nodding.

"And you're with me," he said, wondering at that. It would seem that she would have better things to do.

"I'm here with you,' she replied, smiling a little. "It's all right."

He looked down at his arm. The cut was covered by a bandage- it hadn't been stitched up yet. It didn't hurt, exactly. But he was kind of not entirely coherent, so it was entirely possible it did hurt, and he just didn't know it. He wasn't sure he liked the disconnected way he was feeling. Somehow it was different from just being tired.

There was a knock at the door, and Andy poked his head into the room. "Hi, I'm Dr. McCall. Tim's one of my patients. Could I have a moment with him, please?"

"Certainly," the nurse said, standing up. "If you need anything, the call button is right there," she told Tim, pointing out the button.

"Thanks," Andy said, coming in and taking the chair the nurse vacated. He waited for her to leave and close the door before saying, "So. Mind telling me what happened?"

Tim frowned. "I don't know, exactly."

"Try that again," Andy said, raising his eyebrows. "You went to work this morning. What happened then?"

"H sent me home," Tim said, his eyes narrowing as he tried to remember. "I got angry. I was just really, I don't know, frustrated."

"So you got angry and went home. And what were you thinking when you got there?" Andy said.

"Just that I wanted to pound something. I don't know." He shook his head. It all seemed very distant and vague.

"How'd you cut yourself?" Andy asked.

Tim shook his head again. "I didn't know I was doing it."

"What were you doing with the knife in the first place?" Andy raised an eyebrow at him.

"Making mashed potatoes," Tim replied.

Andy closed his eyes and shook his head. "Why were you…no, never mind."

"Calleigh gets the same look on her face," Tim remarked, half-fascinated.

Andy laughed. "Oh, I'm sure she does."

"Where is she?" he asked.

"In the waiting room," Andy said.

"Can I see her?" he asked.

"Maybe in a minute," Andy said. "Tell me more about the knife."

"What do you want to know?" Tim asked. "It's a knife." He was starting to wake up a bit, somehow. And he really didn't understand why everyone was asking so many questions. He was angry. He tried to make mashed potatoes. The knife must have slipped. He didn't know how it had happened, just that it did happen.

"Did you intend to use it to cut yourself?" Andy asked.

Realization dawned suddenly. "Oh…oh!" he said, eyes widening. "You think…I…no, no, I didn't mean to do it."

"But you don't know how it happened?" Andy asked.

"The knife must have slipped," he said, shaking his head.

Andy studied him for a long moment. "All right," he said finally. "Can I see the cut?"

Tim shrugged and held his arm out. Andy gently peeled back the bandage. "Looks like it hurt."

"Not really," Tim said.

"Ok," Andy said, putting the bandage back to rights. "How do you feel now? Are you still angry?"

"No. Tired. Scared, a bit," he said, looking back at the cut on his arm.

"Do you feel like you want to hurt yourself?" Andy asked.

"No," he said. "Calleigh's going to kill me."

"You scared her, that's for sure," Andy said. "You scared me, too. And probably everyone else."

"I didn't mean to," he said, contritely. "I'm sorry."

"I know," Andy said. "I believe you didn't intend to do this. But it doesn't look very good, you understand."

"Yes," he said.

"All right. Do you feel safe about going home?" Andy asked.

"I think so," he said. "I don't want to stay here."

"Ok," Andy said. "I think I can get you out of here. But someone's going to be with you at all times. And you're seeing me every day for the next week. I think we're putting you back on the Ambien, too."

"Right," Tim said.

"And I'm sorry, too," Andy said.

"What for?" Tim asked.

"I should have told you to go ahead and take the meds last night, instead of saying you should try and tough it out one more night. You tried to tell me you were in trouble and I didn't hear you," Andy explained.

"I didn't know this was going to happen," Tim said. "How could you have known if I didn't know?"

"All right," Andy said. "But it's my job to know."

Tim shrugged. "It's ok."

"I am going to go talk to Calleigh. I'll be back in a little while," Andy said.

"Can you get her back here?" Tim asked.

"I don't know. I'll see," Andy said.

"Please?" he asked.

"I'll see," Andy said. "I'll be back in awhile. Behave yourself."

"Ok," Tim said.

The nurse was back within thirty seconds. He understood why, now. He dimly remembered telling Calleigh a long time ago that if he was going to kill himself, he'd have done it by now. Maybe he'd been wrong. That was a scary thought.

"Do you think you can walk down the hall to the suture room?" the nurse asked him.

"Yeah," he said, sitting up carefully. He was dizzy, a bit, but not so much that he couldn't walk. He'd felt worse before.

"Ok," she said, cheerfully. "Carefully, now."

He sat quietly, staring at the wall, while the resident stitched up his arm. He didn't want to watch.

"All right," Andy said, coming into the room as the resident finished up. "I'm getting you out of here. I think what you need more than anything is a good amount of sleep and I think you'll get that better at home. Let's get you cleaned up and ready to go."

"Ok," Tim said, following him unsteadily back to the room he'd been in. "Where's my shirt?" he asked, frowning.

"It's in here," the nurse said, handing him a bag. "I think it's probably a lost cause. Here, you can just wear this," she said, handing him a scrub top. He shrugged into it while Andy signed some papers.

"Sign here," Andy said, handing him the clipboard.

He glanced at the paper and scrawled his signature at the bottom. "Aren't there instructions?" he asked, blinking.

"I gave them to Calleigh," Andy said.

"Oh," he said. That was probably just as well, because he probably wouldn't remember them anyway. "Ok, then."

"Ready?" Andy asked.

"Sure," he said.

They walked out into the waiting room, where Tim was instantly plastered with a giant hug from Calleigh. "Oh my God, oh my God," she whispered over and over again.

He put his arms around her. "Shh," he whispered, leaning his cheek on the top of her head. He couldn't tell if she was shivering or if he was shaking. Maybe they both were.

"Calleigh, honey, you've got to let him go if we're going to get out of here," Alexx's voice said gently.

She pulled away and looked up at him, eyes full of terror. "Ok?" she asked.

"I think so," he said, his stomach clenching at the thought that he was the reason for her fear.

"Ok," she said softly. "I need to go back to work and get my things and I need to go to the drugstore and get some peroxide and your meds filled. Alexx will take you home, ok?"

He blinked at her. "Ok," he said, uncertainly.

"All right, then. I'll see you in a little while," she said, letting him go. He watched her walk out with Horatio and frowned.

"Let's get you home, baby," Alexx said, gently, touching his arm.

"Right. Ok," he said, letting her lead him out of the hospital. There's consequences to actions, Timothy, he thought. And some of them you might not like.