I Shall Believe

Part One

I Do Believe…

Meredith stood between them. She knew what they both wanted, but she couldn't make that decision now. It was this realization she made... Finn would be obligation. Derek would be...Derek. Finn had become her Addison. But she couldn't think about that now. She could still smell Derek all around her. Finn didn't stand a chance if she made this decision now but the thing that was stopping her kept replaying over and over in her head; "He's married. He chose her." She looked at Finn one last time and felt something...but she couldn't decide what. She wouldn't look at Derek, because she knew what she'd feel. Instead she closed her eyes, tried to think of something else and said out loud -

"Izzie," was all she could bring herself to say.

She whipped around and ran out of the automatic doors that she had been through so many times. This time was different...this time, they meant something. They meant running away. She didn't have a choice.

Lay a whisper on my pillow,
leave the winter on the ground.
I wake up lonely, there's air of silence
in the bedroom and all around.
Touch me now, I close my eyes and dream away.

It must have been love but it's over now.
It must have been good but I lost it somehow.
It must have been love but it's over now.
From the moment we touched 'til the time had run out.

Make-believing we're together,
that I'm sheltered by your heart.
But in and outside, I've turned to water
like a teardrop in your palm.
And it's a hard winter's day, I dream away.

It must have been love but it's over now.
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without.
It must have been love but it's over now.
It's where the water flows,
it's where the wind blows.

It must have been love, but it's over now.
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow.
It must have been love, but it's over now.
From the moment we touched, 'til the time I ran out.
It must have been love, but it's over now.
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow.
It must have been love, but it's over now.
From the moment we touched, 'til the time I ran out.
It's where the water flows,
It's where the wind blows.
It must have been love, but it's over now.
It must have been love...
But it's over now.

Meredith drove herself home. She sat in the front seat of her Jeep Cherokee and just stared into nothing. But it wasn't the nothing she had hoped for. It was HIM. HE meant so much to her, that he had become the peace she looked for when she was lost. This wasn't the time for that. She opened her car door and moved quickly towards the house. The walk felt so long. She wanted to be making it with HIM.

...Focus, Meredith. Izzie's needs you right now.

She walked in the front door and saw Alex standing in the kitchen sitting at the table with his face buried in his hands.

He deserves that.

She realized what she was saying...

You're not mad at him... shut up.

She walked into the kitchen. She stood across the room from him.

"How is she?" she asked him.

He pulled his head up and stood up.

"She's losing it."

"That's allowed. It's normal... not that this situation is anything remotely normal, but..."

"Yeah..."

"I should go see her."

"George is with her... I was but I..."

"Yeah..." Meredith replied.

He turned away, ashamed of himself for something and angry at himself for feeling ashamed. Meredith turned back down the hall, slowly paced up the the stairs and cracked Izzie's bedroom door. George was sitting up, Izzie's head was on his chest. Izzie wasn't crying, she was just still. Meredith decided not to interupt... she didn't know what to say anyways. She headed towards her room then realized her cell phone was ringing. She recognized the number on the display. It was Finn. She stared at it then pressed a button she couldn't really believe she was pressing. She ignored his call. As she did, she looked up at her bed... all she could think about was HIM and the memories that were all over this house. Suddenly she felt herself running. She ran down the stairs, out the door, and into her car. She drove... she didn't just drive, she raced. She didn't know where to... well, she did. But she wasn't going to let herself really KNOW it. Her mind would give her hell if she stopped for the slightest second and ignored her heart.

Derek walked out of the hospital door. Addison was ten feet ahead of him. She felt a tear rolling down her cheek. He stopped in front of the hospital door and looked back, stewing over everything that had occured. He felt like throwing up. But his heart was full and he felt light.

She wore faded jeans and soft black leather
She had eyes so blue they looked like weather
When she needed me I wasn't around
That's the way it goe s, it'll all work out

There were times apart, there were times together
I was pledged to her for worse or better
When it mattered most I let her down
That's the way it goes, it'll all work out

It'll all work out eventually
Better off with him than here with me

It'll all work out eventually
Maybe better with him than here with me

Now the wind is high and the rain is heavy
And the water's rising in the levee
Still I think of her when the sun go es down
It never goes away, but it all works out

"I know what you did, Derek."

He shook his head and tried his hardest to erase HER from his mind.

"What?"

"How stupid do you think I am? HOW STUPID ARE YOU? Did you think I'd miss it somehow?"

"What are you talking about?"

"YOU SLEPT WITH HER, DEREK!"

He stood in silence... he hadn't even had time to think about it yet and she had already figured it out.

"Addison, I'm..."

She interrupted him.

"Stop, Derek. You're not sorry, and I'm sick of hearing you put yourself on repeat and not meaning a SINGLE thing you say to me."

"I tried..."

"No, you didn't. But I should have known before I even came The way you wouldn't take my calls... I told myself it was just because you were still mad."

"I was..."

"No, you weren't. It was because of HER."

"I just... We were over. I didn't think... I thought you would have moved on."
"I had. But for some reason, I felt like I should have been with you."
"Wait...what?"

"I thought I should be with you."
"No, what do you mean you HAD moved on?"

She stood there without a word... Addison had forgotten that he didn't know that she and Mark had been more than just a fling.

"All this time...all the accusations from you, all the guilt, all the explanations. You had done the SAME DAMN THING!"

Addison took in what her husband was saying. She had known it would come sooner or later. She looked down to the ground then back at him. Something had changed. He had gone from heartbroken that Meredith had left without him to angry with his wife and now to...

"Why are you smiling?"

"Addison, I can't live like this. I tried... you were my family and I had decided that I HAD to try again. I did that and look what happened."

"Derek...I'm sorry I came back."

He looked at his wife and walked to her and kissed her on the forehead. He gave her a look that said everything. She smiled at him, felt another tear roll down her cheek, and took a step back from him.

"So this is it... again," Derek said.

"Yeah, it is. It's really real this time... and this is the last time." Replied his once and former wife with a deep exhale.

"God, I hope so." He smirked at her a little and then went back to his wounded puppy, brooding woodsman look.

She half smiled and laughed a little.

"So, where do you go from here?"

"I just don't know..." Derek said, the longing in his voice was unmistakeable.

"You're a liar. You do know... you've known since you ended it with HER last time. Go get her."

"I can't. I've hurt her so much... I've let her down time and time again... I broke her heart."

"She loves you, Derek. You're both just as bad as each other... just go."

"I don't even know what I'd say... I can't go right now, Izzie needs her. I have to figure out what to say, what to do... try and find a way to make things right."

"Well then, you go home and sleep."

"What about you? Where are you going?"

"The Alexis has a spa. Goodbye trailer, hello spa."

With that, she turned from her husband and got in her car. She pulled out and headed for her new life. Suddenly, she thought of Mark. Derek then went towards his car, before he got in, he took a deep breath. He knew what he needed to do... he just didn't know how to do it. He knew that for now, all he could to do was get home.

FIN!

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