Thank you to everyone still reading. I've enjoyed reading all the reviews. It's been not so fun watching Sonny's current storyline unfold, knowing no other character knows his better than Alexis. Yet, they never have scenes together. :/ I'm not following extremely closely to the way things unfolded for Alexis on screen. Thanks again, Amanda. PS PerchancetoDream owns all the rights to Sonny calling Alexis Sonny and the chin quiver (well perchance and Nancy). If you haven't read, Crossing the Line ... you owe it to yourself. It's the best Sexis story ever. :)
"You never cease to surprise me." Sonny said softly, shaking his head, and laughing to himself.
"In a good way?" She asked, her eyes closed, her head resting on the edge of the clawfoot tub.
"Most of the time."
"Yes, well … You never cease to surprise me either. Feel free to enter." She said as she glanced over at him leaning against the door frame.
"In a good way?" He pulled a stool over and sat behind her, lifting up her hair, and massaging the tension he knew he would feel in her shoulders.
"Mmmm … remains to be seen. Johnny? I mean I feel like I've stepped into some alternative universe. Or maybe I've passed over to the other side, hanging out with ghosts …"
"It is part of what's hurting you. Isn't it, Alexis? All the ghosts still haunting you?" He kissed the top of her head and watched as she clasped and unclasped the edge of the tub trying to stop her hands from trembling.
"Sonny?" She felt silly even asking, but she needed to hear it out loud. "Ju - Julian, is still dead? Right?"
He stopped the motion of his fingers on her skin for a moment. "Absolutely. That bastard went straight to hell. He's not coming back. But outwardly he sighed "I watched him die. He will not be hurting you again."
She nodded, letting out the breath she'd been holding.
"Why was Johnny here?"
"I asked him to bring some food, clothes, and ummm … some information."
"Popcorn?"
"Yes."
She smiled, her eyes closing again.
"You're not going to ask me to explain how he's alive? Why he's here when no one knows I'm alive? Uh, why he's still been tailing you … occasionally?"
"Not yet."
"Whhhhhhy?" He drew the word out.
"Because you didn't ask me why I'm laying in an empty tub, still wrapped in your robe, with this blanket from the bed over me – just thinking."
"Well, the bed would have been more comfortable. To each his-her own …"
"I didn't want to be in the water."
"Because?"
"I've been drowning in enough liquid lately."
"And?"
"I was alone." She whispered, and he felt her sink. He pulled his hands from beneath the robe and climbed in opposite of her, taking both shaking hands in his. She opened her eyes and looked deep into his gaze, watching as he pulled his legs up so they both fit in the tub.
"Lex, did it bother you that when you came downstairs Johnny was here?"
She swallowed and smiled, but he felt the anxiety through his tight grasp on her hands. "Not Johnny, specifically."
"But you were bothered?"
"Disappointed?" She offered. "This is going to sound dumb …"
He interrupted her quickly. "I've thought a lot of things about you over the years, my friend. Never have I thought you sounded dumb."
"It's just that I felt secure in this bubble. The truth is I have needed time with someone who can understand, uniquely …" She shook her head. "Not someone. Just you. Actually. I was waiting to talk to you. If you wouldn't have shown up here I might have kept it inside forever. In which case, I will definitely lose the battle to ever be sober. I - I needed you. I was afraid the bubble had been breached. Popped. If Johnny was here, it wasn't just you and me." She stopped to breathe. All on her own "I'm just going to say it. For once, I'm going to say what I need. I need it to be just you and me."
He felt it in the air. After all these years, she was scared of him rejecting her again. This time, he knew, it could be life or death, not just a broken heart. Two.
Alexis looked down, but he tugged slightly on her arms. "I need that, too." He smiled at her. "I promise you. In fact, I instructed Johnny that no one was to know that I am alive or back in town. No one." He finished slowly and with intent.
"Carly will kill me, you know. She will murder me slowly for knowing you're alive and keeping it from her . . . and - and your family."
"If you haven't killed each other by now …" She pushed at her with his foot.
"It's not funny."
"Alexis, how many times do I have to tell you, you are also my family. Besides, I think Carly has her mind on other things right now. Other people."
She lifted her eyebrow. "We'll be coming back to that." What about Kristina?"
"No one. Hey, it's time we put you first. Okay? Let me do that for you. Please?"
She smiled. "Well, when you ask so nicely …" Thank you, she mouthed.
He nodded.
"Tell me." He insisted. "You've been dancing around it long enough."
She sat up straight, pulling her knees underneath her chin. "I have been having flashbacks." She took a deep breath and blew the words out. "It's why I fell on the steps, it's why I didn't want to be alone in the water … at all really …"
"So, you pushed everyone that cares about you away?"
"Not everyone."
"You didn't know I was alive."
"That's why I've been drinking."
He knew it. He knew it wasn't Julian or Neal.
"It's how I hurt my arm. I can't sleep without the alcohol because the memories come in my dreams. They hit me unexpectedly and sometimes, just in the quiet, when I'm awake." She pulled herself out of the tub, and he went to steady her as she swayed. She was able to steady herself – this time. "It all started because of that damned knife. I should have never let it stay in the house. If it wouldn't have been in the house, there never would have been the chance of him later holding it against my throat. I never remembered everything about my childhood. The night he held the dagger Helena slit my mother's throat with … to-to my neck, and told me he was going to make sure I died the same way …"
It was all Sonny could do to hold in his anger. He showed up at the docks that night and helped keep Julian from killing her. She took that same knife symbolized the biggest pain in her life, using it to save his life in return. She never told him what that son of bitch had said to her. He couldn't imagine what it was like to be taken back to that moment.
"They started that night. After I got home …"
"I knew I should've taken you home myself … I never would have left you …"
She shook her head. She knew if he stopped her she might not be able to continue.
"At first, the dream was just a replaying of Julian holding the knife to my throat, but in the dream you didn't get there in time. The blood gurgled in my throat, and I tried to cry out. I ended up bleeding to death in your arms." He put his hands over his face trying to push away the image. "The scene quickly changes into my mother, me putting her head in my lap when I can't wake her, and my hands covered in her blood. I'm screaming. And right before I wake up … two strong hands pull me away." Sonny looks up to see tears streaming quietly down her face.
"Was it one of Helena's men taking you away?"
She shook her head. "No,"
"Alexis are the flashbacks you have when you're awake, are they about Helena killing your mother, too?"
"No."
He got out of the tub and moved closer to her.
"Hey, you waited on me. I'm here now if you want me to know."
She turned away from him, shaking with the force of the memories, "They're of my father. Mm-mikos. The man with the strong hands. The hands he used to hit my mother."
It was as if someone had come behind him and knocked the breath right out of him. Deke. Sonny shook his head trying in vain to rid his mind of that moment – the first time he saw his stepfather backhand his beautiful mother across her face. His lungs burned as he pushed the air out, "Alexis." No. No. No. Not Alexis, too. They shared so many of their hurts. She had been wronged in so many ways growing up. Sonny, were you abused? This is the one thing he would have gladly carried alone. He wasn't surprised that the alcohol had been a smokescreen. He'd known Alexis Davis a long time, longer than his romantic relationship with Carly. He had shared a drink with her many times – champagne when she moved into the penthouse, rum in Puerto Rico, and more than once he'd handed her a shot to temper her nerves. There was never a glimpse of anything unhealthy. Maybe because he'd given her a safe place to reveal the things that had scared her in the dark, to share her emotions. She had done the same thing for him. So, what changed? When had she started numbing her fears instead of facing them? He understood drinking to shut down nightmares. How could there have possibly been more pain hidden deep in her subconscious? Was there more she was trying to erase with the clear sting of liquid?
"Lexis, honey," he placed his hand gently on her back. She had turned away from him again. "It's okay." He shook his head fiercely. "It's not okay, but I'm here. I know," he whispered as he wiped at. "I know." He pulled her forehead against his, kissing the trailing tears on her cheeks.
"He. Hurt. Her." She confessed to him on the swell of a moan, preceding a chin quiver that threatened to tear him to shreds. "He hurt the only person that ever loved me without conditions. I wanted - I wanted him to love us. He was so angry. She - she just wanted him to choose - choose our family. He hi - hit my mother. I couldn't do – do anything. Sonny, I couldn't protect her. I couldn't make him stay. I -" She grabbed a handful of his shirt and attempted to stifle a sob. "I - need a drink. Just a small glass of - of anything. Please … I can't - I can't keep watching it over and over … Where's my purse?" She pulled away. He tried to hold her to him, but she caught him off guard by jerking away with all the strength she had left and rushing out of the bathroom. He hadn't seen a purse since he'd been in the penthouse, wasn't even sure she remembered it when she'd driven over, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let her get to it before him. He hurried after her.
"No. It's not the answer." He yelled right before she reached the top of the stairs she'd fallen on earlier. He was slightly more scared of her falling down the stairs than her reaching for a purse that apparently had more alcohol. "Alexis," he said forcefully, reaching out for the woman he would never push away again. "Let the record show, this time I wasn't the one who walked away." To his surprise she stayed, still, frozen – He turned her around and she reached for him.
"I don't want to drink," she whispered. "Please, please help me quit remembering."
Relief swept over Sonny as he heard her voice those words, as quiet as they may have been. "I don't want you to drink either." Unfortunately, he knew that the only way to keep her from reaching for something else that would hurt her was to help her to face her demons. He would stay in this penthouse and he would help her face the pain, sit in it with her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he lifted her into his arms as she began to cry. "Hey, hold tight. I've got you. I know where you are. I'm going to help you."
"So sorry. So - so sorry." He heard her as she sob against his ear. She was shivering even in the warmth of the room and he sat with her in the chair next to the fireplace in the master bedroom. Sonny settled Alexis across his lap as she continued to hide her face in his neck, wetting his skin. He held tightly to her hand.
"Lexis? Honey, can you breathe a little for me?"
"I'm so sorry. So, sorry."
"Alexis," he drew out her name in an effort to calm her and bring focus. "Please, don't be sorry."
"Deke."
Deke? He thought, leaning his head against hers.
"I'm so sorry." She repeated. She was thinking of him even lost in her own pain. Damn her. She had always put his feelings before her own. Kristina's. Molly's. Sam's.
"Hey, hey … it's okay. If I had to go through the things I did then to be here for you now …" He took a deep breath, lifting her chin so that her eyes would meet his, and a tear fell down his own cheek as he asked,
"Honey, did he hit you, too?"