Chapter 10

Derek leaned in and kissed Meredith gently. Meredith didn't kiss him back. Her heart was racing a million miles per hour.

I shouldn't be doing this! her conscience was screaming.

But this feels so good! her heart said.

She doesn't want this, thought Derek sadly as he began to pull away…

"Now we really do need to talk about this," panted Matthew as he and Addison lay in an on call room together. Addison nodded in agreement, as her common sense started kick in.

I am so freaking stupid! What was i thinking!

Addison got off the bed and started searching for her clothes.

"Addison, we seriously have to talk about this. You just had sex with me,"

"Fine lets talk about this," Addison said as she put her scrub shirt back on.

"Where do we go from here? You say you're not ready for a relationship yet you keep kissing me and just then you took it further then that. I just need to know whether you're ready for this and what you want to do,"

Addison sat on the edge of the bed, thinking about his questions. What did she want? She definitely did not want to sabotage her career. It was the only thing she had left.

"I don't know, honestly. I wish i could tell you an answer, but the truth is i don't know what i want. I don't want my career or yours to go down the tube because of this. What i said to you in the bar is still true, but i guess i might be considering your offer. Its either that i might be falling for you or that you're the guy i am screwing to get over my husband. Sorry, i mean ex-husband. The thing is i don't know which answer it is,"

"Look, Addison i understand that you just divorced your husband of eleven years and i understand that is hard. But you can't just leave my hanging. I need to know an answer. I need to know whether this is worth putting my career on the line for," Matthew replied sincerely. Addison winced when she realised that what she was doing with Matthew could break her career.

"I need to think about this," Addison sighed as she walked out of the on-call room. She walked out of the hospital and towards her car. She sat in the drivers seat and rested her head on the steering wheel.

Is love worth risking my career? Addison asked herself.

Just as Derek was about to pull away Meredith wrapped her, arms around his neck and began to kiss him passionately. Meredith didn't know whether she should be doing what she was doing, but it seemed right. She finally pulled away, gasping for air.

"You know, you can't just waltz back into my life and i can't just come back into yours. There are complications you know. For example, i live in New York and you live in Seattle," Meredith stated.

"Oh, i almost forgot, you live here in New York with that mean, cranky Doctor Anderson and i live in Seattle where your real home is with all of your friends and a resident who was actually nice to you," Derek replied, smirking.

"I can't just leave here, Derek,"

"Its not as if they will miss you that much, you've only been here for like a month!" Derek exclaimed.

"Uh hello, i have friends here you know,"

"Yeah, but if i recall correctly, you didn't have much of a problem leaving your friends in Seattle behind,"

Meredith hung her head sadly, he was right. She just packed up and left her life in Seattle. She just deserted her friends. But how could she make things right?

"What if the SGH doesn't want me back?" asked Meredith.

"They will be thrilled to have you back," Derek replied, raising her head with his hand so she was looking in the eye, " You could call Richard now if you like,"

Meredith smiled as Derek reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. However, she shook her head sadly.

Izzie sat on the couch of Meredith' s house, eating a fresh batch of chocolate cupcakes. She was watching on of Ellis Grey's surgical tapes. A tear ran down her cheek as she remember the good times that all of them had watching those tapes. They used to order pizza, drink beer and eat popcorn. Every so often they would all groan as the gore became a bit too overwhelming. Sometimes Derek would come around and Meredith would snuggle in to him happily. But that was no more. Meredith was on the other side of the country now and she wasn't coming back. Suddenly the door burst open and Christina ran inside.

"OH MY GOD! YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST FOUND OUT!"

Izzie looked up at her wearily, " What?"

"Mcdreamy hasn't been away for a week sick, he's been in New York. HE'S GONE AFTER MER!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?" shrieked Izzie, suddenly fully alert.

"YEAH! THE CHIEF BLURTED IT BACK OUT TO BURKE!"

"Oh my god! What if he finds her! We have to help her! We have to tell her!" Izzie exclaimed.

"Uh, earth to Izzie, Derek going after Mer is a good thing. He might bring her back!"

"But she doesn't want to be found!"

"Oh come on, she so does. She's probably been waiting for Mcdreamy to show up,"

"Mcdreamy is pretty romantic. I mean going all the way across the country and all,"

"Don't get all romantic on me; Burke's making me soft enough as it is,"

Izzie just laughed happily.

Addison sat in her car, still thinking about what choice she would make. Matthew was sweet, cute and kind. He would never hurt her or cheat on her. He was practically the perfect boyfriend. But it was so soon after Derek. Was she just screwing Matthew to get over him?

"I can't leave," Meredith sighed sadly.

"You mean you can't or you won't?"

"I can't,"

Thank you for all your reviews! I didn't get as much as i usually get so that is half the reason why i have taken so long to update! I told you i was serious when i said that how fast i update is up to you. Speaking of which, it still is up to you. If you want me to continue, please review!