Hey guys! This is just a short interlude. But don´t worry, the real action will start soon :) Enjoy!
Dear diary,
The last days have been one big catastrophe. The plan had been to free Katherine and, in this way, free us from Damon as well. It had been an easy plan. Open the tomb, go in, get her out and close the tomb again. It should have worked, it really should, but somehow - at some point - it all went to hell. It all started when Damon chose to misuse my trust. I still can´t believe he had the nerve to compel me! In this moment, I had this nagging feeling deep inside of me that it would be wiser to simply go home and forget all about Katherine. But since Damon had the power compel me, it was too late to stop him. Right before leaving the Boarding House, Damon told me he could now make me comply if he chose to. And, in a way, this sentence had kept me going the whole evening. When Damon told me to go inside the tomb with him, I complied because I was so afraid that he would compel me otherwise. In this way, at least, I had some kind of control. I could still make my own decisions. It was not much, but it was something. Or this was, what I was telling myself while I followed him into the dark tomb. Even now, days later, I still have problems to talk about what I saw in there. Undead corpses, their eyes as red as blood, hunting me… hunting me! It feels like a horror I will never be able to forget.
But this was not the worst of all. The real problems arose with the realization that Katherine wasn´t in the tomb, had never been. She had been rescued back in 1864, before she was ever in there. And even though she had been free this whole time, she had never contacted Damon. Needless to say, he was heartbroken after this revelation. He was standing at the entrance of the tomb, and his eyes were just empty. He had been lost. Alone. And I couldn´t help but feel bad for him. In this moment, I even forgot that he had compelled me. Stefan never understood why I hugged Damon in this moment. Maybe I don´t really understand it myself. I just had this intense urge to relieve his pain. I still remember this moment when I looked into his eyes afterwards. I expected to see pain… but this wasn´t the case. He simply looked cold, like a lake glazed over with shilling ice. I remember that, for a second, I feared that Damon might be gone. That all that was left of him was an empty shell. But then he blinked, and the moment was over. He continued staring at me, for maybe 5 seconds before he moved, faster than my eyes could follow. And then he was gone, leaving behind nothing but this cold which had crept inside my soul.
Honestly, you would think that this was enough drama for a few weeks, but everything got even worse. The magic had taken a toll on Bonnie´s grandma. She went to sleep and never woke up again. It broke my heart to see how devasted Bonnie was. And the knowledge that Stefan and I had played a big part in the events that led to her death, made it even worse. I did everything I could to be there for Bonnie. But even though she didn´t blame me for what happened, she blamed Stefan and Damon. Right now, she isn´t really talking to me because I still have contact with both. It feels off not to be able to talk to her. There are so many things I would like to tell her. Maybe it would be easier to cope with all this craziness if I had my best friend by my side…
Speaking of craziness… Two days after we opened the tomb, we learned of another big catastrophe that had happened. Somehow all the vampires from this tomb had managed to escape. And they were angry. Really angry. They kidnapped Stefan. And Damon and I had to team up to free him. It was a close call, but we managed. Unfortunately, Stefan had been weak when we freed him. He had needed blood, so I offered him mine. It was the only possibility there was. The only way to save him. Anyway, I feel as if the prize has been very high. Ever since he had drunken my blood, he has changed. I know he is standing on the brink of sanity, just an inch away from losing himself to his bloodlust. And I want to help him, I really do… but I just don´t know how.
Right now, without Stefan and Bonnie, I really feel alone. I wish I could talk to someone. I wish I could admit to someone how afraid I really am… Because no matter how hard I try to forget it, I still know that I am in deep shit. And it all goes down to him. Damon hasn´t mentioned what happened between us in his parlor again. In fact, after we tried to free Katherine, he hasn´t spoken of it once, has acted as if this had never happened. But I remember. I remember that he compelled me. I remember that I will be forced to take off my necklace, the moment he orders me to do it. I remember… and I am afraid. Somehow, in this moment, I have seen a part of Damon that was darker than I would have expected. I´m convinced that there is some good in him as well, but unfortunately, I have realized now, that the bad in him is present as well. Especially after he had heard of Katherine´s betrayal. I feel like something has changed within him… and I don´t really know what to expect of him now. I hate the way he is looking at me recently, with such a hunger… as if he wanted to devour me. It feels as if something has snapped.
And now all rules are off.