Just a one-shot based a little on my emotions, then magnified and changed to Sammy's world. This is this first Sam one-shot I've done where I've really gone into detail about his emotions. Please review and tell me if you like it.

To Understand

He just wanted someone to understand. Year after year he begged for a life.

Year after year he was met with glares. He couldn't understand it, he couldn't understand them. But he did what they wished. Every day.

He sat alone, tears brimming under his eyes. He wanted someone to understand.

A dog walked past, shortly followed by its owner. They didn't understand. That was thing, no one understands me.

He wrapped his arms around himself trying to remember a time when one person understood.

But all he could remember was orders; all he knew was the harsh tone he got when he wasn't strong enough.

He used to come back from hunts and stay up until he had done his homework. He used to research his projects while finding ghosts.

He worked so hard to get that A+. He tried so hard to get that same smile Dean got when he got the ghost.

He stayed up late every night; he poured his heart into it, because he wanted someone to say. "Well done."

Because he wanted to be hugged. Because he wanted to laugh with his family, rather than die with them.

They got mad when he was afraid. They couldn't understand that he needed someone to hold him. They couldn't understand the loneliness he felt, like a rock sat on his heart, making it beat lower and lower. And whenever he thought of his happiness, like his heart, being crushed under the dead weight of resentment, of fear, of confusion he cried.

And when they told him to suck it up he fumed. He screamed, he raged, he yelled. He did it because he didn't know what to do.

He didn't know that he could say, he didn't know how to make them see what he felt.

Because he didn't know what he felt. All he knew was that he needed a hand to wrap around his, that he needed tears to fall with his.

He knew he needed someone to care for him like he was a person, not a hunter, not a liability, not a researcher, not a mixture of them all. He just wanted to be him.

Maybe that's why he ran. It was like being stuck in a storm drain, like having the walls of everything he knew slowly close around him and until he became so hurt that he didn't see the light from the end, all he saw was enveloping darkness, walls everywhere.

But one day, someone did help him see that light. The way out, and he escaped.

He ran from it and he didn't let anything hold him back. Because all those years in the storm drain, watching the walls close in on him made him afraid.

He did was his family always did. He ran from his problems and he made a new name for himself, he made a new life for himself.

And as he sits here a part of him misses that storm drain, a part of him regrets leaving it. Because it was shelter from the rain, it was safety.

It was home.

Now he wishes someone did understand why he left. Because if they did, maybe they could tell him why he did.

Maybe they could tell him why he wants to go back so much.

Maybe they could tell him why he doesn't go back.

But maybe he knows the answer, because he isn't his father, and he isn't Dean. He is too stubborn to go back, too restless to stay.

He just wants someone to understand that he wants to be Sam. Just Sam.

That he wants to be back home, but he wants to be Sam there too.

But a part of him understands, as long as he stays here, he isn't either.

And as long as he's at home, he wants to be here.

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Did you like it? Please tell me your thoughts!