April. A very successful and romantic camping trip p.1

Raven surveyed the folded clothes and assorted items spread out on her bed. Dick had given them all a list –well, he'd texted it to the others and given it to her in a piece of paper- of things they should take on the trip, but something within her rebelled against packing so heavily.

She had never packed a bag before, she realized; any time she'd had to move, her mother had packed for her. But once she had gathered most of what the list said, she'd taken a look at the quantity of it, and decided Nope. She had no experience with luggage, but she did trust her instincts. So she took out the insect repellant and added an extra towel; took out the flashlight and added a book; she left out pots and pans and cooking utensils, all the medicine, the extra socks and underwear, and the plastic bags and shampoo. Her instincts had never led her astray before.

A knock came at her door, slow and deliberate.

"Come in," said Raven. She had known Azar was in the apartment. A while ago her mother had opened the hallway door, and then Raven had heard chairs being drawn, and the cupboard doors open and close. Arella only ever entertained Azar in their apartment for any long period of time.

The elderly woman entered. As every time she saw her, Raven was put at ease by the peace that emanated from Azar. She was a thin woman, pale and white-haired, wearing a loose white dress. When she smiled, the corners of her mouth settled in wrinkles. Raven found herself easily smiling back. Most of the time she felt out of place in Azarath. But she never felt out of place around Azar.

"Are you all ready?" Azar asked.

"Almost," Raven replied. "Thank you for convincing my mom to let me go."

"Arella worries about you, Raven. But I know how important the work of this Club is to you. And your Club is important to the world."

Raven looked away, embarrassed. "I mean, we haven't actually gotten anything done since we decided to do this."

The five of them had been talking about it the other day. Nothing they had done after rescuing the SAT exams had felt right. That was why, when Dick had come up with this mission, they had all jumped on board.

"You will get there," Azar responded, unaffected by Raven's pessimism, as always. "Hard work is always rewarded, one way or another."

Raven eyed her tentatively. "I know Azarath is more about reaching peace in isolation, not really doing stuff to affect the world."

"Azarath precepts advocates for purity and detachment from society, yes. But, Raven, your mother found meaning in Azarath. It does not mean you have to as well."

"…Are you disappointed? That I'm not following the Azarath ways?"

It was the first time Raven dared ask her; it had been on her mind for a while.

The people in Azarath kept themselves pure through strict mental control and detachment from the world. They kept their thoughts and their spirits high and magnanimous in a way that had never clicked for Raven. But in the Club she'd seen a path for her: if she did good things, if didn't matter what her thoughts were, it didn't matter what she was like inside: she was still putting out good in the world.

Azar pushed Raven's hair behind her ear affectionately. "My dear, you are making good. You have conquered your nature and forged your own way, separate from your heredity. You've found purpose in something that makes sense to you, and you've found a group of people to share it with. How could I be disappointed?"

Raven breathed, and let the words fill her with relief and approval.

A rustling noise made them turn towards the window. By now it was familiar, but Raven couldn't get used to it. In another moment, Gar had climbed into her room.

"Speak of the devil," muttered Raven.

Gar did a double-take when he saw Azar. "Oh. Hi," he said, scratching his hair. "Sorry, uh… Rae told me I could climb in if the window was open."

"What I said was that if you couldn't refrain from climbing up here, that at least you respected when the window was closed," stated Raven.

Azar was smiling. "Which one is he?"

"Gar. The annoying one," said Raven. Then she told Gar, "This is Azar, our leader."

"It is nice to meet you," Azar told Gar, who grinned at her in response. She turned to leave, saying, "I'll leave you to it. Oh, when are you returning, Raven?" she asked as an afterthought.

Raven thought about it. "Maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after. Depends on what we find in the lake."

Azar nodded. "I see. I will keep Arella calm if you are out longer," she said, almost conspirational. "Do good work," Azar told both of them.

When she'd left, Gar turned to Raven. "Wow, you told her the truth? Dude, your cult leader's so cool. I had to lie to my mom to get her to let me go." He sat on Raven's bed. "I told her we were doing a Biology project."

"Azarath is not a cult," Raven said. It wasn't the first time she'd had to tell him that. "Did she believe you?"

"Or she pretended to, so Steve would let me go."

"How did it get past an actual member of faculty that no subject requires us to go on a road trip for independent study?"

Gar shrugged. "Anyway, I just came to see if you needed help packing." And he proved that statement by laying on her bed next to her luggage. His shirt rose a little when he threw his arms behind his head, baring a stretch of tanned skin on his stomach. He had to notice that, right? Raven couldn't think he didn't. It had to be a show of forced carefreeness that he didn't move to fix it.

Raven moved her eyes to his face when she went to stand over him. It got his attention—his eyes snapped open.

"Have you noticed that I have you guys take your shoes off whenever you come over," she said, "and now, because you insist on climbing through my window, you're wearing shoes in my bedroom?"

Gar froze, grinned sheepishly, took off his shoes and jumped to go and leave them under the window sill.

He hung out with her for a while, fluttering about the room and talking his head off, and not helping her pack in any way. Raven simply packed around him, watching where he was out of the corner of her eye.

Of all her new friends, Gar was the one she could never relax around. He was always so aware of people, always looking to put on a show; and he was always on her face in particular, pushing her to her limits and then watching for her reaction. She had told him he was funny once, when she was feeling nice, and it had been the worst mistake of her life; he wouldn't let her forget it, no matter how much she tried to deny it had ever happened.

For someone like Raven, who had been raised in restraint and asceticism, someone like him would always be puzzling. She had no idea what went through his mind as he jumped around, at home in the spotlight, exposing his every thought and feeling. He was so out of control, he made her feel out of control.

Everyone else toed an invisible line around Raven; they seemed to instinctively know she valued her space, and they respected that. Gar stomped all over the line like it didn't exist. And since Raven had to push him back, and enforce the line over and over, she was always on edge around him. There was no telling when he would hug her from behind, or snake an arm over her shoulders, or when she would turn around and find his grinning face way too close to hers. No one else did that; she was eternally flabbergasted that he even dared, and she had a feeling the others were too.

When Gar got bored, he left. That was his way: he entered her day like a hurricane and left just as suddenly. There was a much appreciated silence afterwards. Whenever Gar left anyplace, the silence seemed to be extra-silence.

The morning of the trip, Raven left her room and dropped her bag in a chair by the door. It was still dark outside, earlier than when she normally got up for school.

As soon as she entered the kitchen area, she could tell her mother had worked herself into a state of nerves. Arella fluttered about the kitchen, making ten moves where she'd normally make one in the process of checking the idlis being cooked in the steamer and setting the table.

Raven braced herself.

As she was mid-idli, it came.

"I don't know about this trip, Raven," Arella said.

Raven resisted the urge to roll her eyes. It was just like her mother to ignore a situation for days and then freak out at the last possible minute. Arella wanted Raven to have friends—in theory. But when the moment came to actually let her do stuff, she balked.

"You already said yes, mom. Remember?" Raven responded, not looking at her.

Arella sighed and fell in silence. After a few moments, she insisted. "Do you have to go? I mean do they need you specifically?"

"Yes," Raven stated. I like to think so, she thought.

"But why do you need to go outside of town?"

"Because that's where the lake is," said Raven. "Mom, normal people go camping. Azar told you, it's good for me to…-"

"Yes I know, but Azar is not your mother," said Arella, and those words made Raven's mouth clamp shut. It was unusual that Arella asserted this. Usually she preferred to let Azar make the tough calls. "I already hate that you come home late every day because of this Club," Arella went on. "And now this camping thing, in the woods, with God knows who…" she trailed off.

"You've met my friends."

"I haven't met their parents," Arella pointed out suddenly, as if it had just occurred to her.

"You've never met anyone's parents," Raven snapped.

As soon as she said it she wished she could take it back. Raven had only meant to remark this was new for both of them—she'd never had friends, so of course Arella could never have met their parents. But once it was out it she realized it had sounded more like an accusation. I see you, Arella must have heard, Don't pretend to be a mom with rules. We both know you're making things up as you go. And it had clearly struck Arella as the latter.

She froze like she'd been struck, dropped her gaze, and began to tear up. Raven began to regret every harsh word she'd ever said to her.

Arella stood suddenly and went to the counter, opened cupboards and gathered some herbs jars, as if to make chai. Raven had stopped eating a while ago. Then Arella stood still, hands on the counter. She turned around.

"You don't need to rub it in my face, you know. I know that I'm bad at this. That I don't know how to parent."

Then the dam broke. Arella leaned back on the counter and cried. Raven abandoned her breakfast and went to hug her. She slid down to the floor as her mother did.

Raven held Arella tight. When she was little, she used to imagine she could take her mother's suffering for herself, and that thought always came back when they were in this type of situation. The more Arella cried, the harder and drier Raven felt inside. It had always been like that. Raven partly owed it to Azarath's emphasis on emotional suppression, also to years of Bala Vihar classes at the temple instilling in her values of discipline and self-control; but on top of that, maybe the most important part of it, it had always been second nature for Raven to neutralize her own emotions so as not to upset her mother, who was so fragile to begin with.

"You are a good mom," Raven told her mother.

It was mostly a lie, but the truth wasn't welcome where it would only hurt.

They sat there a while. Raven cradled her mother's head, shaking alongside her as sobs racked her body, until they subsided.

Then Arella sighed and moved away; Raven broke the embrace. Arella looked at Raven almost apologetically. "I don't like the boy to girl ratio of this trip."

Raven closed her eyes, and covered her face with her hands. "Mom."

Arella was having none of it. She took Raven's hands from over her eyes and secured her chin. "Raven, men are nice and trustworthy, until they're not. You know this, right?"

Raven gazed at her mother, because she had to; otherwise Arella would keep trying to make her point until Raven showed she was listening. But she thought, Where are all your Azarath ideals on cleansing yourself of your past now, when you're attaching yourself to what your trauma taught you?

"We're all friends," she muttered back.

"Alright," Arella said diplomatically. She let go of Raven's chin and smiled dotingly. "Alright. You should go on the trip."

Yeah, after you already ruined it for me, Raven thought resentfully.

Nevertheless, her friends came to pick her up fifteen minutes after that. Raven loaded her bag in Vic's trunk and Arella waved from the doorway as they drove off, like a normal parent. Like nothing had ever happened.

The sun was a mere orange line in the horizon when they set off, and the general mood in the car was excitement.

They had been hearing the rumors for days. The big lake south of town had turned to ice overnight—this being an area that never saw any bodies of water freeze in the winter, let alone in April. The five of them had sat on the issue at first. They had talked about it, debating over whether they should go or not. Whether this wasn't beyond their pay grade.

Odd things happened regularly in Jump City. Sometimes a seemingly innocuous thing was part of a big supervillain ploy. Citizens tended to err in the side of caution and avoid anything remotely out of place as a result; the whole town was avoiding that lake right now. But then, they reasoned, this was just a lake freezing over—the problem could have been filed under weather issues. And if it was a supernatural, villain-related happening, how come the Titans had let it go on for so long?

So when days passed and the Titans didn't stir from the Tower, Dick decided it was probably nothing, so they might as well check it out, if only to come back and meet the rumors with an explanation of what was going on. He'd submitted it to a vote –he was trying to be better leader, after Kori's talk down had chewed out his head and put it back on the right way- and they had unanimously decided to check it out. Specifically, Gar had jumped on the table as soon as the words 'road trip' had been uttered.

"We have to go. Monday's a holiday, and Vic can finally drive without an adult in the passenger seat. It's sign!"

Vic was happily driving the car right now. Raven noticed a change in his attitude recently—normally he would have grumbled about the mission, fought Dick on whether or not this was their territory, and brought it back around to whether they should be doing this missions thing at all. Lately, though, it seemed like something had clicked for him, and he'd decided he was all in with the Club.

Raven felt she understood all of her new friends quite well by now. Sometimes, Vic's reactions puzzled her, but she could always think on it and trace it back to the fact that they had met him in a weird time of his life, when he was adapting to his new life and body. She felt like he'd been calibrating himself back and forth all year, and now he had finally reached a balance.

Dick had also made sense for her since they had learned about Rex. Before, when Dick had spurred them to make the Club into a place for doing good deeds, Raven had seen him as an almost mythological being: a person who did the right thing for no reason other than it was the right thing. Now she saw the cracks in him, she saw a struggle –that there was an atoning laced with the idealism-, and she trusted him all the more for it.

And where Raven had once thought Kori's bubbly and overt nature would always clash with hers, now Raven realized they were more alike than she'd given the other girl credit for; Kori was simply in tune with her emotions, and the same could be said for Raven. Kori was the only person none of them had ever bickered with, and Raven saw it was because Kori neutralized ill feelings and gave back understanding and insight where others would put forth anger. Raven felt comfortable with Kori, and thought Kori trusted her back.

Gar suddenly cried out along with the music's lyrics, apparently just to startle everyone.

Raven felt she understood all her new friends more now… Except him. She would never understand Gar.

As Dick and Vic laughingly shouted at Gar to calm down, Raven turned to look out the window, and wondered just what she'd entailed herself in. She had no clue what camping was like, and she hadn't thought much about it until now.

When she'd said she wanted to go on this trip, she'd found easygoingness in Azar, which didn't challenge her, and fearful resistance in her mom, for which she had to be assertive and fight back—and at no point had she had even considered how she felt about going. It was strange for her not to think things through extensively, but her life went much faster now: things happened before she could overthink and meditate on them. She had simply come because her friends were coming, and she trusted her friends. How impossible that idea would have been a year ago.

A half hour into the trip, the initial wide-eyed enthusiasm gave way to ordinary road-weary annoyances. The sun, higher in the sky, warmed the car a little too much. Kori's hair kept getting in Raven's face, the music Vic had put on since the beginning of the trip began to grate on her nerves, and Gar was being Gar. Right now he was drumming his hands on the back of the driver seat, making Vic's back vibrate, and both Vic and Dick were seething in the front.

"Just turn off the music," Dick told Vic.

Both Gar and Vic protested. "What? No!" cried Gar, at the same time Vic said, "No way! I'm not going this whole way without some buffer sound!"

"At least put something more chill," Dick, taking out his phone.

"Touch the aux cord and you're dead," Vic warned him.

Raven took off her sweater and put it in her bag. She'd already taken off the jacket she'd come out with, when the morning had been chilly. She didn't quite regret her jeans and boots—it looked like it would be a hot day, but she didn't know what she'd find in the wilderness. Kori had come out with shorts and a halter top, but Kori was seemingly impervious to cold. Also, Kori seemed to Raven like the type of creature who would just as soon prance into the woods like a fairy and miraculously not come back with redbug bites.

Right now, she was looking out of Raven's window, so Raven could appreciate her dimply smile and how the early morning light made her golden-brown skin glow and her green eyes stand out. Raven thought, not for the first time, how Kori was the single most beautiful person she'd ever seen. She wondered if the other girl knew she was physically perfect; she wondered how that must feel.

There was abrupt silence as Dick unplugged Vic's phone from the aux cord.

"What the hell do you think you're doing," Vic stated, his voice dark and dangerous. He tried to catch the cord from Dick with his right hand.

"I need to listen to something that doesn't make my head explode," said Dick, holding the cord far away from Vic.

"You dare! Change my music! In my car!" Vic shouted, and soon his and Dick's argument became an incomprehensible but familiar confusion.

Kori sighed. "It makes me so sad when they argue. I had hoped this trip would be… congenial."

"This is just how they communicate," said Raven.

"Yeah, they don't mean anything by it anymore, Kori," echoed Gar.

Like he hadn't been the indirect cause of the argument in the first place, thought Raven.

"What is the reason," Dick was asking Vic, "that I can't have a single go with my music!?"

"Because driver chooses the music! Everyone knows that!"

Vic's statement was met with an eruption of protests, even from Kori, who had been hoping to share her own music with the group, and even from Raven, because she just wasn't fond of the idea of listening to electro-house and Synth-pop for the rest of high school.

"Okay, okay, okay," went Vic, admitting defeat, "here's an idea. Each trip, a different person gets to choose the music. 'Kay?"

"And who'd get to go next?" asked Dick.

Vic said, "Uh… Let's make it alphabetic. Well, I'm the last letter. So if it starts again…" he trailed off, and then grumbled, "…Gar's next." He really hadn't thought that one through.

"Sweet!" said Gar.

There were groans of anticipated dread.

"I think I'd rather Vic kept choosing," said Raven.

"Hey, I have great taste in music!" protested Gar.

The statement would need to be proven or disproven on the trip back.

Halfway through the trip, Kori gave out some candy she'd brought. It was a brand Raven had never seen, and the wrappers had crappy knock-knock jokes on the inside. Raven's was piña colada flavored. They were delicious. She wished she knew where Kori found half the stuff she sprung on them.

"I am so excited to see a frozen lake again!" Kori gushed. "I have bought a new pair ice shoes."

"Snow shoes," corrected Vic.

"Actually, she means ice skates," said Raven, who had seen them.

"Oh," said Vic. "Well, you'll have fun then."

Dick addressed the whole car, "You guys, remember we're there to find out why the lake's freezing over. This is a mission, not a road trip."

"It's both a mission and a road trip," said Vic. "We agreed to check this out to protect the town or whatever, but it doesn't mean we can't still have fun."

"Yeah, Dick," said Gar, sticking his head in the space between the front seats. "You suit yourself. I'm gonna take the chance to play on the lake. Who else has never seen a frozen lake?" Silence. "Oh, come on! Am I the only one?"

Raven sighed. "Me neither," she said reluctantly.

Gar reached across from Kori in the middle seat to grab both of Raven's hands. "Rae, it's gonna be awesome!"

"It's just ice," Raven said, shoving him off. "And how would you know?"

Kori turned to her with a smile. "It is the awesome."

Gar went, "Ha!" and stuck his tongue out at Raven.

Raven turned to the window again. This was going to be a long trip.

Yep, my proposal IS that, in a world where Raven doesn't have emotion-based powers to keep under control, her incentive for keeping her emotions in check is largely a byproduct of an emotionally immature mother and a resulting parentification.

PenJunior: I'm always happy to read your reviews! (And as a rule the longer the review the better!) 'Shipping and sailing and drowning' whoa, I love that, it's very accurate ^^. Mmm, I can confirm Wally will appear eventually, but it's gonna be a while! Just like in the show, he's gonna be a late arrival. I'll also confirm Trigon will make an entry, sooner rather than later.

Funny you should mention Gar's jokes specifically :) You'll see why! (But hey now, my son is more than dudes and pranks and jokes. In fact, this month is gonna touch on that too.) Also, his weird bits of magic are gonna come in Year 2, and that's all I'm gonna say about that! ;)

I did hope both the haunted house and the snapshot of Raven's magic would establish the story's brand of magic realism, thank you for saying that! That's really helpful!

Sad to hear you didn't like my Red X, but oh well. You can't please everyone. X) I think I get why, in the show he's a cool mystery and here I made him like, more real and saddled with mundane problems, and very known to Dick. Keep being honest, though, I appreciate that!

It took longer than I care to admit to understand why you were talking about trigonometry lol. I don't hate the idea though! So when I start talking about the gang taking trigonometry… beware… Trigon is near ^^ As always thank you so much for reviewing!