Disclaimer: I sadly do not own the rights to any title, characters and/or themes to Star Trek or Gilmore Girls.
Author's Note: This Hallmark-esq Christmas story was inspired by the song Underneath the Tree by Kelly Clarkson and takes place after S7, but before Generations. I'm not classifying this as a crossover since none of the characters make an appearance, but Gilmore Girls fans will appreciate a few references. I hope you enjoy!
Also, the sequel to Fracture is almost finished as well! Keep an eye out for that one in the new year, it's entitled Closure.
December 22, 2370
Taking a slow, deep breath, she lifted a trembling finger up to the small door chime, determined to actually ring it this time…her third try. Hesitating, she sighed and rolled back on her heels, moving away from the door once again. Another failed attempt. Why was this so hard?
Come on, Beverly, you can do it. Just ring the bell.
Pushing the annoying little voice in her head aside, she continued to anxiously pace the hallway outside of Jean-Luc's quarters trying to work out as much nervous energy as possible. Never in her life had she been more thankful for carpeting. If not for the added cushion her continuous footfalls back-and-forth surely would have been overheard by the occupant inside. She placed a hand over her stomach, which was currently twisted in one large knot, and took another deep breath, trying to quiet her mind and nerves simultaneously.
It had now been a few weeks since she first intended to speak with him. Originally, she pushed the conversation aside as there was plenty of time and plenty of things to do around Sickbay that she convinced herself were more important. Turns out, they weren't. Now, with everyone leaving for shore leave over the next couple of days, she was out of time and out of excuses. It was now or never, and – despite her fears – never was a frightening thought.
Clearing her throat she faced the door, holding her head high as she smoothed a few non-existent wrinkles from her uniform and, without allowing fear to take over once again, she reached out to ring the chime. She heard it sound though the door, immediately followed by the low baritone of Jean-Luc's voice granting her entrance which caused her stomach to flip as the doors swished open.
Okay, this is the part where you step into the room and ask him to spend the holidays with you.
"Beverly! What a nice surprise." He was fully relaxed, a state she loved to see him in, but rarely had the opportunity to witness. After a moment, he walked over to the door he smiled widely at her. "Aren't you going to come in?"
Nodding, she took a few hesitant steps into the room. "Yes, of course." Looking around the room she noticed he had been pulling various items together, placing them in random piles throughout the room. Her heart panged as she realized he was packing. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I can come back later…" She gestured towards the door as her voice trailed off, but he shook his head and smiled.
"No, no. Please stay. I could use a break and I must say you a very welcomed distraction. Tea?"
"Yes, please." As he made his way to the replicator, she took a moment to study him. He was already out of uniform, wearing dark pants and the sage colored shirt she loved as it caused the green flecks in his hazel eyes to pop. Glancing around the room she noticed he had stacked a decent number of hardcover books on his desk, she assumed to bring with him on the trip. Reaching out she pulled the top one from the pile, unprepared for the weight of it. "Really, Jean-Luc. You're going to lug a copy of The Iliad with you?"
Her comment caught him off-guard, and he laughed in surprise. "You know I enjoy a little light ready when on holiday."
"Light reading? Jean-Luc this copy is over five hundred pages, not to mention it weighs a ton. It would be better used as a doorstop." Smirking, she carefully placed the antique tome back on the stack and caught his eye as he casually made his way to her. He chuckled as he handed her a steaming mug of Earl Grey.
"I can always count on you to make me laugh. Thank you." She matched his smile and held his gaze, enjoying the sparkle in his eye that always made an appearance when they fell into a comfortable banter. He continued staring at her and she wondered what thoughts were circling around his mind. Clearing his throat, he shifted his gaze down to his drink. "So, what brings you to my quarters. Is everything alright?"
Gesturing towards his couch he invited her to sit, and she silently accepted the invitation by following him to the familiar destination. He sat next to her and memories of their conversation after Kesprytt rushed into her mind. She mentally kicked the regretful thoughts away and shook her head. "Everything is fine. I just stopped by to see if you had officially decided to spend Christmas in La Barre, but I can see from the packing that you've been doing you decided to go after all."
Smiling, he leaned back against the cushion, bringing an ankle up to rest on the opposite leg. "Rene would not take no for an answer, and honestly the thought of Marie's home cooking was simply too hard to resist."
"I can imagine. You raved about it for months after your last trip home. I gained ten pounds just hearing you talk about her magnificent culinary skills." He laughed again and she allowed herself to laugh as well, enjoying these rare moments with him.
"Besides, a certain Doctor I know would have frowned at the idea of not taking a proper holiday. As I believe you said, these opportunities don't come around for us too often."
"You're right, I did, and they don't. It's nice to know you do listen to me once in a while. Vacations are good for you, Jean-Luc, and after everything we've been through lately…this one is very much deserved."
"Are you still heading to San Francisco?" He quirked an eyebrow at her as he took a sip of tea.
She nodded, taking a sip of the fragrant tea to give herself a moment to think of a good, valid reason why she was going there if he asked. Confessing she wanted a familiar, comfortable place off-ship to be alone with him to try and repair their friendship – or even better, rekindle the spark between them that she had extinguished so many months ago – just didn't seem appropriate. What if he no longer wanted to explore their feelings? What if she was never able to get over her fear of losing him? She needed to figure out where they both stood before baring her soul to him. Their relationship – whatever that currently meant – seemed to be hanging on by a single, unraveling thread.
He sat up suddenly, eyes wide as he set his mug on the low table in front of them. Turning towards her, he reached out to lightly touch her knee. "Hey, why don't you…"
"LaForge to Captain Picard."
The unexpected sound of Geordi's voice startled them both, eliciting smiles from each of them as he answered the interrupting call.
"Go ahead, Mr. LaForge."
"Sir, I'm very sorry to bother you, but we are having a major issue with the upgrade to the warp core. Are you able to come down to Engineering?"
Jean-Luc shot her a regretful smile. "Of course. I'll be down momentarily." Ending the communication, he sighed as he clapped his hands on his knees. "My apologies, Beverly, but it seems duty calls."
Suddenly nervous, she stood and fell in step next to him as he led her back to the door. Turning, she caught his eye and gave him a slight smile, wondering if she should still chance asking him to join her for the holidays, even if only for a day or two. Her gaze shifted to his lips and the thought of leaning in to touch his arm or caress his cheek unexpectedly flitted through her mind. It seems she never knew how to act around him anymore. Her nerves were constantly on edge, and she longed for the days before Kesprytt when she wasn't afraid, when it was easy to just be herself around him.
Realizing she still had her tea clasped firming in her hands, she gently reached out to return the mug. "Thank you for the tea, Jean-Luc."
He took a step closer towards her, not saying a word but making an effort to keep eye contact. His low voice seemed to draw out even slower as he leaned in towards her. "Merry Christmas, Beverly."
And just like that it was back. The feeling of an instant, palpable electricity flowing through the air between them. The familiar jolt and subsequent tingle that started in her heart and spread into every pore of her body was a feeling she didn't realize she had been craving. These moments were now all too far apart. Deciding it was worth taking a small risk, she allowed herself to let go of her current fears and step forward to close the small gap between them. Placing her hands lightly on his firm chest, she kissed the corner of his mouth, lingering just a little longer than she should have.
Licking her lips, she tasted the bergamot from the tea as her teeth grazed her bottom lip. Fear bubbled up within her once again, and she knew she wasn't going to have the courage to ask him. Catching his eye, she smiled sweetly. "Merry Christmas to you to too, Jean-Luc. I hope you have a wonderful holiday."
Turning she walked quickly through the door, her heart racing as she made the short walk back to her quarters, where she finally allowed the tears of regret to fall as the doors swished closed behind her.
"What do you mean you aren't doing anything for Christmas?" Deanna Troi looked at her best friend in utter disbelief. They were sitting at a small table in the corner of Ten Forward after their last shift of the year, enjoying the fruity cranberry-red holiday drinks Guinan had masterfully crafted. She wasn't positive what was in them, but she was sure she was starting to feel their effects.
Beverly shrugged. "When we had time, Wesley and I would visit Nana on Caldos for the holidays. Now she's gone, and Wesley is off galivanting around the Universe with the Traveler."
"Are you going to stay on the ship?" The Enterprise had returned to orbit around Earth, and most of the crew had been making plans to take shore leave to enjoy the holiday, herself included.
"Oh, no." Deanna smiled gratefully as her friend spoke. She was excited to hear she had plans after all. "I'm going to my apartment in San Francisco to enjoy some much-needed down time."
Deanna frowned. "Alone?"
Beverly chuckled. "Yes, Deanna. Who else would be coming with me?" Catching her eye, Deanna thought she saw a quick glint of sadness, but it passed as swiftly as it had come.
"Just curious." Taking a long sip of her drink she thought of a certain Captain who should be going with her but bit her tongue. Those two had been driving her crazy for the past seven years. She had thought for sure they would have become closer after their adventure on Kesprytt earlier in the year – or after Beverly's startling departure to Caldos after her grandmother's passing – but here they were, still dancing around their true feelings for one another. "You shouldn't be alone on Christmas."
Sighing, Beverly looked longingly out the viewpoint over Deanna's shoulder. "Earlier today I thought perhaps Jea – " Shaking the thought from her head, she started over. "I'll be fine, trust me. I'm no stranger to being alone." The unexpected wave of unhappiness that wrapped around her mind at Beverly's words was suffocating. It radiated throughout her head and down through her chest into her stomach, where it settled heavily. Deanna's heart sank at the realization her friend was so miserable. Beverly didn't let her walls down often, but when she did it was always very telling, especially to an empath. "What about you? Where are you off to?" Beverly tucked a strand of her long auburn hair behind her ear as she caught Deanna's eye.
Tucking Beverly's slip of tongue in her mind to explore later, she finished off the fruity drink, giving herself a moment to compose her emotions. "Will and I are going to a small bed and breakfast in Connecticut. A friend of mine who recently retired from the Academy just renovated it this past year and she invited us to stay for the holidays." Suddenly, an idea popped into Deanna's mind and her dark eyes lit up. "Beverly, you should come with us!"
The incredulous look her friend shot her from across the table was accompanied by Beverly's signature eyebrow raise. "Deanna. The last thing I want to do for Christmas is be a third wheel to you and Will. I appreciate your offer, but I'll pass."
Deanna understood – she truly did – but she also knew it wasn't healthy for Beverly to be alone, whether Beverly fully realized that or not. The question was, how to convince Beverly that in a manner that would make it seems as though it was Beverly's idea to accept the invitation.
"Oh no, you wouldn't be a third wheel. Trust me. Part of the reason we are going is to help finalize the renovations so the inn can open by spring. There will be a few other friends staying there as well and most of them are traveling alone. My friend, Dana, is treating this as sort of a dry run for the official opening." Deanna flagged over the waiter to order them another round of drinks.
"What, no chocolate sundae?"
"Don't try to change the subject, Beverly. You forget your talking to the ships counselor – I know that move." She winked and reached across the table to take her friend's hand. "Will you at least promise me you'll think about it? I feel it would be good for you to get out and experience something new. It's been a hard year. I think a little snow and hot chocolate by a warm fire would do wonders for you."
Sighing, Beverly squeezed her hand in return, acknowledging the sincerity of her friend's words. "I promise I will think about it, but honestly I can't imagine there is anything you could say that would make me agree to go with you."