Aurora Whisperwind: Okay… so I read more mind-scarring Mary-sues today, really, I couldn't resist updating.

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of its characters. I do own the bloody wench Mitzu though.

Warnings: I'm really not trying to hurt anyone writing this. This is a parody.

The Kenshin-gumi gaped at the new arrivals, as the book continued, "AND AS PUNISHMENT, YOU WILL READ AGAIN!" Hiko Seijuro, Saitoh Hajime and Seta Soujiro blinked up at them. The book finished ranting, then flew into Sano's hands and opened up the first page.

"Shishou?" Kenshin yelped.

"Soujiro?" Sano raised his eyebrow at the kid as the boy smiled his usual smile, except now there was some real feeling in it.

"Saitoh?" Kaoru and Yahiko growled at the cop who glared back and started to look for a cigarette.

"What just happened?" Soujiro asked, as Saitoh and Kenshin started a glaring match, and Hiko looked as inscrutable as usual. They blinked at him, and Tae explained gently. Gently. It was just a story. Not the manifestation of evil. Kaoru and Yahiko though, had the same thoughts in their heads; this was the boy who was Shishio's right hand? He was just that, a boy.

"Ok then" Sano soothed the book, as he threw warning glances at everyone not to insult it. "What?" Hiko asked, "You're going to read that book?" Kenshin interjected before anyone slandered the book, "Well, you were teleported here for some strange reason after all… so listen to it" Saitoh let out a puff, "I guess we have no choice" Soujiro nodded brightly, "Okay"

"Hem hem" Kaoru cleared her throat, "as you guys are new, we vote that one of you should read now and we want you, Saitoh" she handed it to him with a barely concealed smirk. Oh that nasty cop was going to die, and soon. He looked at her strangely, shrugged and reached for the book as the other's settled in to listen.

Fifteen minutes later.

Saitoh was spluttering at the book as Kenshin made frantic hand gestures at him not to swear, Hiko was laughing quietly, Soujiro looked a little confused, the rest were ogling at the sight of Hiko laughing. "Calm down" Kenshin thundered now, hitting Saitoh on the head "now continue" Saitoh gave him a death-glare, Kenshin stood his ground, and finally Saitoh gave in and sighed.

One day when the moon was shining, and the garss shimmrd in the lite of Mitzu, Hijkata came upto her wth a meesage. She was orderd to go and kill batttosai. He was a ruthliss killer, but she woz not afraid. Saitoh and Okita had already tryd and failed.

Saitoh looked up, puffing with rage at the white faced Kenshin who whimpered- "Was I so ruthless?" Saitoh sighed. "No you were not ruthless, happy now?" Hiko smirked, "I sense worse times ahead" Soujiro giggled, but it sounded insane. "Continue" Kaoru commanded the wolf, who threw her a dirty look and gave the book to Soujiro, "You read" the Tenken nodded nervously, and took it.

"oh you will go and fite him alone my luv? what will we do if sumthin happens to u?" Okita askd her. "I well be fin, but I'm cannit be ur luv, ur lik my brethor. But I mist tell you, we hav a babi together. He woz born yesterday. "here" she gav him a pretty boy, "Wot shoud we call him?" he was confuzzed so she sad "He will grew up to be a gud swordsmin. how abot Soujiro?"

"but if we hav a clihde, then u must luv me" Souji said saldy. "I'm sorry, but no" Mitzu said. "u hav t.b and will die soon. I'm so surry!" "Oh" said Okita and died. "I can't kip tis childe… he'll die, I know, I'll give him away to Seta Furishi! So tis boy's name is now Seta Soujiro!"

Soujiro dropped the book in shock, and sank down onto the ground, pale and shaking. "The boy needs therapy" Sano observed, as Hiko nodded, not laughing any more. "You know, you do look a lot like Okita, and your names- Souji, Soujiro, very identical, don't you think? How I wish he was here to see you!" Saitoh drawled, quite enjoying the situation.

"You called?" came a cheerful voice, coming from somewhere near Sano's arm. "AAARGH! GHOST!" the said street fighter yelled, leaping away from his place, as Kaoru and Yahiko screamed as well, Kenshin tried to calm them down, and Hiko looked amused again. "Oh I'm sorry" the floating, transparent long-haired young man said warmly, but Sano was gone.

"Okita, what the hell are you doing here?" Saitoh asked, as the said ghost waved to everyone. "I was always somewhere near…" Okita replied "all you had to do was call me! And now you did! So tell me all your names, the one's I don't know" they smiled weakly at him, and introduced themselves. 'What a total charmer' Tae thought wistfully, 'too bad he's dead'

"So you're Battousai's master, and you're his girl, and you are her student, who was that guy that ran?" Okita asked, counting them off his fingers, "Sano" they chorused, "And that leaves you" he grinned at the still pale Soujiro, "who are you? We look so-" Okita stopped speaking when Soujiro buried his face in his arms with a whimper and Saitoh burst out "He's your son!"

There was silence in the Kamiya dojo.

The old woman who lived next door was quite startled to hear none of the usual noises.

"DIE YOU EVIL GHOST" Sano burst into the room with a bunch of charms, and threw them at the frozen Okita. They went straight through him. "I HAVE A SON? A SON?" The ceiling shook again, as the new father went into a hysterical fit. Hiko was the one who put his foot down and slapped the raving young man, "Hey I could touch you! What kind of a ghost are you?" he asked. "Oh that" Okita sulked, rubbing his red cheek, "well, I'm a special kind of ghost. I asked someone for, um, something and- you slap hard! That was so mean!" he accused, tears beginning to shine in those childish eyes. "stop whining there was nothing else we could do to stop you yelling" Hiko reasoned.

"Ano…" Kenshin said, "maybe we should-" Saitoh interrupted with a "You're right, Battousai. Okita! Read! It's an interesting account of our lives!" he threw the book to the still-transparent arms of the ghost. "Okay"

A while later, he was having another fit while Hiko, Kenshin, Kaoru, Yahiko and Sano grabbed him to make sure he didn't rip the book apart, finally knocking him unconscious. They glared at the infernal book. It was so much trouble!

Poor Sou-chan! I'm so nasty to him! Anyways, read and review!