"We'll always be together. I promise. You'll never hurt again." Those words. They sound so familiar. And not just the words the voice as well. For some reason this thought hurts me. I feel as if my heart is being shattered over and over again. It hurts so much.
It's dark here. Wherever here is. I can't see a thing. It's not like it is usually. Where there is a little bit of light. Where you can see shadows and kind of make out what is going on around you. No. I can't see anything. And this makes me hurt more. It's not just my heart this time, it's my whole body.
I try to scream out. I want to scream out. But something stops me. It's that voice. It's repeating the same line over and over but it sounds like it's fading.
It is slowly going away and I am afraid if I make any noise it will leave… I am afraid that it will leave me alone again. Wait… Again? What did I mean by that. Did I know who this was? I try to remember something, anything. But it's blank. Like usual.
The voice gets quieter and quieter and before I can help it I am standing up and walking blindly towards it. I want it to stay. I need it to stay.
My arms are stretched out as far as they can reach. I know, I don't know how I know, but I do. I know that I need to find the speaker of this voice. If I could find it everything would be better. I would be fine.
If I could find the person I wouldn't hurt. My heart would heal and so would my body. The person would keep me safe. And like they promised they wouldn't leave me. They would never leave me.
I stop walking. Why would I think that way? It makes no sense. Why would I care so much about a voice? I don't even know who's voice it is. I don't need a voice to make me feel better. What was I thinking?
I didn't need anyone. I didn't need someone to be with me. I didn't need someone to keep me safe. This person who ever it was, was tricking me. Trying to make me look like an idiot.
The fact that it is pitch black and I know I am alone makes no difference. I just know that I don't need the voice. I don't want it.
The instant I think this the voice hesitates. It is even quieter now. It's almost gone. I choke. The voice is gone. I sit there for a few minutes, hoping, but it doesn't come back. I start shaking my head. And suddenly I am crying. I fall to the ground crying.
This makes no sense! Why does it hurt so much? It's unbearable. Why!
I thought they promised. They promised! I feel betrayal and sadness. It's horrible. I didn't understand why but I suddenly had the terrible feeling that this wasn't new. I felt like they had betrayed me before.
"You promised!" I scream. "You promised me! I thought you saidthat youwould never leave!" I was screaming this over and over. I didn't know who I was yelling at but I knew it was directed at someone.
"You promised. You…" My voice fades. I can't take it anymore. I raise my head and stand up. I start walking again. I am still crying but I don't notice. I can feel it.They're back. They are here. Right in front of me.
I am almost there. Just a few more steps. I am there. I can hear there breathing but I still can't see them. Suddenly as if triggered by my thought light appears. It's bright, and it takes me a minute to adjust but I do.
There they are. The one person I ever trusted. The one person I loved. They are standing in front of me again. Like they never left. I don't know there name still but I remember that I loved them. I remembered that they loved me. Or atleast I thought they had loved me.
He is right in front of me his back facing me. If only he would turn around. If only I could see his face. Then I am certain I would remember there name. If only…
I reach out but right before I touch them I stop. Did I want to do this? Did I want to remember? If I remembered I would know why I felt those terrible feelings. I would know why I felt unbearable sadness. I would know why I cryed at random things. Things that most peoplewould find happy. But I would also know why I loved them. Why I wanted them to always be near me. Could I do this? Could I love someone? Could I remember someone and have it be the same? Could I forgive them? Would I want to forgive them?
I don't know. I don't know. I just didn't know. I make myself reach out more. I want to know. I need to know. I have been forgetting long enough. I have hid long enough. I have to do this. I grab there shoulder and I feel coldness. Terrible cold. It settles deep in my body and I shiver. I clench my eyes shut.
I breathe in deeply and open them again. I turn him and around and……
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beeeep. Bee--
"Stupid alarm."Sora had always hated that thing. For as long ashe could remember. Which wasn't very long. Buthe still hated the thing.
Rolling over inhis bedhe groaned. What was that dream all about?He could remember it perfectly. Even the feelings of pain and coldness.
Slowly hesat up and rubbed his eyes.He remembered thathehad a meeting today withhis shrink. He groaned.She was nice but she would want to know about the dream. Should he tell her? What would she say? Maybe it would be good to tell her. She was the professional. She would know what it meant.
He stood up and walked to his bathroom. His apartment was bare. He had no posters on the wall. Nothing. All that was in his bedroom was his bed, a dresser, and a table. It was like that through his whole apartment. He told him self to make it feel more like home. It was just… He couldn't remember what home felt like. And no matter what he tried he couldn't remember.
After taking a quick shower he threw on some jeans and a shirt. It was a plain black shirt but it worked. Black matched everything, right?
He grabbed some money and his cell off his dresser. Then he was off. He didn't have a car so he was stuck walking. He didn't really mind though. Checking his cell he saw it was 8:37. That gave him about 20 minutes to get to the office. He could make it in 10.
He slowed his pace so that he wasn't waiting to long in the office. His days were usually like this. At least his Sundays were.
Every Sunday he got up at 8 A.M. He would get ready then he would walk to the psychiatrists office. He had been doing this for the last 3 months. It also happened tobe a fact thathis last three months were all he remembered.
He had been found lying on the sidewalk outside of a department store when an old lady had called the cops. They had called an ambulance and he woke up a week later in the hospital. This wouldn't have been to odd except for he remembered nothing about his past.
He remembered his name, how old he was, when his birthday was. He remembered all of that. He just didn't remember anything he had ever done. He didn't remember any of his friends. Or anything. When they had looked him up in their database they couldn't figure anything out except for the fact that he lived almost1000 miles away. He had no clue why he was in the town he was in and neither did anyone else. Some people had thought that he should try to go home and see if that jogged his memory. But every time someone mentioned that he politely told them no he didn't want to go home.
He didn't know why he didn't want to go home. He just knew he didn't. He knew that even if he did gothere would be nothing for him there. There would only be sadness. And more pain. He told this to his shrink that the hospital had gotten for him to help him remember. She had told him that if he felt this then it was probably true. She also told him if he didn't want to go there he didn't have to. Even if it might help him remember.
He stopped and looked up. He was here already. It seems that he walked faster when lost in thoughts. That was all he had so at least he had something to be lost in. Since he didn't have the memories.
He walked through the doors like always and took the elevator to the 5th floor. Like always. He was doing this out of routine. He was so used to it.
When he exited the elevator he talked to the secretary for a few minutes and then sat down. He sat there with his eyes shut not thinking about anything until they told him that his shrink would see him. He walked inside the room and shut the door quietly. He liked this room. It was cozy not like other rooms in the hospital. This one had a family air to it. It didn't make you feel that since you were there you were obviously crazy.
"So, Sora, how have you been this week?" Sora smiled. They had agreed to first name terms when he first started coming. He didn't feel right with all of the formal stuff.
"There's nothing new, Kairi. It's the same as always. Well mostly the same." Here Sora hesitated. Should he tell her? She might just write it off as nothing. And this scared him for some reason.
"What happened, Sora?" Sora looked her in the eyes and sighed. She wouldn't say that. She would understand. She would explain it. "I… I had a dream." She frowned. "A dream? What kind of dream?"
"An odd dream." Sora knew she wanted him to go on when she didn't speak. So he did. He told her the whole dream. Starting at the beginning when it was pitch black and ending with him waking up right before he saw the face.
He told her about his feelings. Of sadness of betrayal. Of wanting to know the truth but being afraid. He told her about deciding he needed to know but when he finally decided this it was taken away.
When he finished he waited, and waited, and waited. But she just sat there thinking. She didn't say anything for 10 minutes and when she spoke what she said confused Sora. It frightened him as well.
Well, that's it. I had some serious problems finishing this. I couldn't figure out how to end it. I hope I didn't do to bad.
Well, R&R if you want me to continue. And if you have criticisms you can tell me them. In fact I would really appreciate it.
Oh. I guess I have to do that whole disclaimer again. I don't own anything I mentioned so screw you if you actually think I do or if you actually think you can try and sue.
Hey! That rhymed. Don't be to hard on me please. This is really my first attempt at something like this. So please review. Wouldn't you want people to review if you wrote a story?
(And yes. That last line was a sad attempt to make you feel guilty and review. Heheh.)