"I think I have a job for Kassy."
Onya raised an eyebrow. That was new.
Her mother had left after a few days, leaving the child with a nanny before he was able to train with the other Natblidas. She hadn't looked at her daughter, who was relieved of that.
Leksa sat quietly on a couch, a cup of tea in front of her. Onya had been invited to join her, Leksa had thus requested her presence, without however ordering it.
"Careful, I might think you like her."
"Look who's talking," Leksa whispered into her cup, but Onya heard her anyway.
Onya didn't usually respond to such an insinuation, but lately there had been so many of them that she had no choice but to defend herself.
"I am not in love with the Skaigada."
"I never said 'in love'. I said that, perhaps, you might like her a little bit."
Onya let out a mocking sneer.
"Please, have you met her? She talks too much, she is annoying, reckless, thoughtless, careless, disobedient—"
"Funny," Leksa added under her breath.
"Yeah, funn—"
Onya stopped before she could admit anything that might cost her, ignoring Leksa's teasing smile.
"No. She is an outsider, she is from the Sky. Nobody likes people from the Sky."
"Mostly because they are all dead."
"Leksa, I am being serious."
"I know you are. You always are. Which is why I think it is not a bad thing. Say what you want," she added, interrupting Onya in her protests, "it doesn't matter. Whatever you choose to do, you have my blessing."
Onya rolled her eyes with a growl of annoyance, amusing Leksa.
"Are you going to tell me why you asked for my presence?"
"Oh, right. As I said, I have a new job for Kassy."
Onya raised an eyebrow.
"How did Titus take it?"
Leksa seemed to hold back very hard from rolling her eyes, her slender fingers circling her goblet.
"As well as Titus can take anything. He offered to have her executed first thing in the morning, but I refused. I think she can still be useful to us, and to the future."
She took another sip of tea.
"I want her to teach the Natblidas about Skaikru."
Onya opened her mouth, closed it. Leksa simply watched her with her green eyes, waiting for her reaction.
"Are you serious?"
Leksa raised an eyebrow at her tone, and Onya immediately realized that she had just disrespected her.
"I'm sorry. Are you being serious, Leksa?"
"I thought you'd be pleased," Leksa replied, frowning in surprise. "She mentioned that she misses teaching, there's nothing better than teaching the future Heda."
"Leksa," Onya whispered. "I know Kassy, and she is going to get attached to them."
"And so? I don't see the problem."
"Skaikru doesn't have a conclave."
Leksa suddenly seemed to realize what was going on, her mouth opened to form an 'o'.
"Oh."
"Yes, oh. After your death, she will have to watch the kids she learned to love kill each other. It'll break her heart."
Leksa licked her lips, looking like she was thinking hard.
"We seem to have a bit of a problem here."
"There isn't. Don't let her teach to the Natblidas."
"If I die, another will take my place. They might be as tolerant as I am."
And suddenly, light dawned on Onya's mind.
"You want the Natblidas to get attached to her."
Leksa nodded.
"We both value her, and I can say I guess neither of us wish to see her dead. I cannot force the Natblidas to protect her, it would be against the title of Heda. But if they are taught to love her, they'll have a hard time killing her. Maybe it could save her life."
"Just like it could destroy it."
Leksa shrugged.
"There are less chances that she will die in one way."
Onya bit her lip.
"If I do this, and if she learns the kids are doomed, she'll hate me forever."
"Then it's either watching her die, or being hated by her to keep her safe. The choice is yours."
And Onya knew it was. Both were bad choices, but she had to make the less bad one.
Onya knocked on Natshana's bedroom door, but all she heard was a muffled voice.
"Go away."
"It's me."
"I know."
Onya opened the door anyway and poked her head into the room. Kassy was curled up under her blanket, only a wispy tuft of hair escaping from it.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Liar."
"Go float yourself, Anya."
Onya didn't even try to ask what she was talking about, she knew she wouldn't get an answer.
"Is this about Vega?"
Silence.
"Yeah… I guess it brought up memories."
"Bad memories?"
"'Worth it' memories."
Onya nodded, but Kassy didn't even see her. So she left the room, closing the door behind her.
When Onya returned, night was beginning to fall outside. Natshana was still wrapped in her blankets, but this time Onya could hear her steady breathing and the little snores she let out.
Onya crossed the room and crouched in front of the bed, her hand reaching for the pile of blankets. It reminded her of the way her father tried to wake her mother, when he was still alive. She put her hand on the blanket, shaking the pile a little.
A growl was heard, Kassy's head appeared. She blinked, squinting at Onya's face.
"Hey! Watcha doin'?"
"Are you feeling better?"
"Meh. A little bit."
She rolled onto her side, trying to get out of her blanket as Onya sat on the edge of the bed.
"I have something for you."
"Is it a puppy? I hope it's a puppy."
Onya didn't know what a puppy was, so she just reached into her coat pocket for an object, which she handed to Natshana. It was a black slate, which looked like it had been used before. Onya didn't place much importance on the Old World, but she knew it was a passion of Kassy.
She took the black plate in her hands, fingers brushing it in confusion.
"Uh… Thanks? What is it?"
Onya rolled her eyes, finding a chalk in her pocket and she drew a line on the slate. Natshana's eyes sparkled with excitement.
"A slate! Thank you!"
She grabbed the chalk in her hand, flashed a huge smile at Onya, then leaned the slate on her arm to start tracing on the surface.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm drawing you."
"Please don't. I saw how you drew Linkon. I don't deserve that."
Kassy chuckled, turning the slate over to show her work to Onya, who squinted to see better.
"Why is my head shaped like a heart?"
"Because I love you."
Onya remained frozen on the spot, her heart pounding in her chest. Her throat was knotted, her hair stood on end, and she hesitated between crying or running away. Natshana, who had started erasing her drawing, looked up with a smile.
"Don't freak out."
"I'm not."
She absolutely was.
Natshana chuckled, a funny little crystal laugh.
"Don't worry, I loved and I love a lot of people. My mom, my kid, of course, and Raven, and my students, and my friends, hell, I even loved Bellamy! I love Oxana and I love Lexa and I love Tris and I love Lincoln and I love you too. People say that it's hard to say 'I love you', I'm a mother, I know it's the easiest and most beautiful words in the world."
Onya remained silent as Kassy turned back to her slate, wiping away the chalk with her sleeve.
"Do you regret? Loving people, I mean."
"Oh God, no. People say that love is pain, but fuck it's good," Natshana replied with a strange sad smile on her face. "I don't regret having and loving my daughter, it made my life so beautiful, I can't even tell you how much. I'm the person I am today because I had her. Maybe I'm broken, maybe I'll always be sad and dark, but I know I was bright when she was there. And fuck, it was worth it."
Silence. Night was falling outside, and even though Onya couldn't see the sky, she knew it.
"You could never be dark."
Kassy chuckled.
"I know. I'm the whitest girl on the side of this Earth."
"No, I mean… You're shining."
She hesitated for a long moment.
"Do you know why I don't entirely disagree with your nickname?"
"Because technically, I do come from the sky."
"Because you shine. Like a little star."
Kassy gave her a funny, almost shy smile, and Onya wondered for a few seconds how it would feel to kiss her right now.
She cleared her throat.
"I didn't give you this for nothing, you know."
"And here I thought you liked me," Kassy sighed.
"You're taking back your old job."
Kassy looked up so quickly that Onya wondered if she hadn't hurt herself.
"Tomorrow, you'll start teaching the Natblidas about Skaikru."
For a few seconds, Natshana remained motionless, silent, then she let out a cry:
"Oh my God, oh my God, ohmyGodohmyGod!"
And she literally threw herself on Onya to hug her, tipping her backwards on the mattress. Onya found herself half crushed by the weight of the young woman who was hugging her tightly enough to break her bones.
Then Natshana was gone, Onya sat up, dumbfounded, to find her hopping from one end of the room to the other, her slate in her hands.
"I have so much to prepare! I have so much work to do! Oh my God! I have to prepare everything!"
And Onya watched her run around, her cheeks burning.