Beta-read by mirxae

Izuku never thought of himself as a miserable person. Sure, his hopes and dreams had been crushed into fine powder, immolated, and pissed on at the ripe age of four by his Quirkless genetics, his classmates and even a few teachers regularly mocked him for his condition, and people he never knew gave him pitying or hostile looks the moment they realized he couldn't shoot fireballs out of his pinkies, but he still had Mei and her inventions, his mom, and his hero notes.

But now? Mei was still unconscious, his mother was in elementary school, and his hero notes were more water than paper at this point.

And as if that wasn't enough, he had skipped dinner, stayed awake the entire night between the rambunctious snoring of the crew crammed into the sleeping quarters and his own anxious thoughts, then also skipped breakfast because he couldn't find his way back to the mess hall. In short, Izuku was dead tired, almost hungry enough to beg a random, potentially dangerous stranger for food, and hopelessly lost in both space and time.

Izuku, master of denial regarding his misery, had firmly passed that first stage, lacked the energy or the spine for anger, had no one to bargain with, and moved into a three bedroom suburban home with a thirty year mortgage smack dab in the heart of depression town, with half a lifetime of debt to pay off.

Izuku stared off the ship's railing. The sun shone brightly in the sky, and a gentle breeze carried a refreshing scent of ocean spray and rich seaweed, but Izuku's eyes only saw sights from home. His mother's face. A bowl of katsudon. Even Bakugo.

"Ugh, just looking at him is making me feel bummed out. Shouldn't we just leave him alone?"

The words washed over Izuku, and he didn't pay them any mind. He kept staring out, even as a shadow passed over him, until a finger prodded him in the shoulder.

Izuku turned and looked, and saw just two fingers hovering in midair. They grabbed his nose and twisted, just hard enough to make Izuku feel a twinge of pain.

"Gotcha!" Buggy shouted as his fingers reattached themselves to his hand. "Ah, that one's a classic."

Izuku gave the cabin boy a cursory glance and went back to staring at the waves. Buggy's detached head floated in front of him and shouted, "Hey! I'm talking to you!"

Izuku didn't even twitch. Buggy's head floated off, and he whispered, "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

Seconds later, Buggy tapped him on the shoulder. This time, the fingers had an entire body attached to them. "So, uh, what's got you so down?" Buggy asked.

Izuku sighed and said, "I wish I could go home."

"Well, what's stopping you? Just get a ship and sail there."

"It doesn't even exist yet."

Buggy went cross-eyed before snapping his fingers. "Ah, right, you came from the future. Uh… have you tried stabbing someone? That always makes me feel better." At Izuku's terrified expression, Buggy panicked and added, "I'd let you borrow one of my knives, just… don't get too much blood on it, okay?"

Izuku stood as petrified as a statue. After a few silent seconds, Buggy gave him a puzzled frown and poked him on the forehead. Izuku was halfway over the railing before two sets of hands pulled him back up.

"Easy Buggy," Shanks said. "Crocus will use your head for a bedpan if you toss him in a second time."

"What did I do?" Buggy complained. "I barely even touched him!"

"Why don't we try this again, okay?" Shanks grabbed Izuku by the shoulders and moved him away from the railing. "Sorry about that. I sent Buggy over first because I thought it would be funny. And it was."

"Fuck you Shanks!"

"Out in the open? With all the crew to see? At least buy me dinner first!"

The few pirates in earshot roared with laughter, while both Buggy and Izuku turned as red as the clown cabin boy's nose.

"Anyways," Shanks said, "You're trying to get home, right? Where are you from?"

"Musutafu."

"Huh. I've never heard of that island. Well, what's it like? How big is your village?"

Izuku found himself describing his hometown. As he described concrete roads and buildings hundreds of feet high, both sides became more and more confused.

"Now I know you're making things up!" Buggy shouted. "Ships that can fly in the air?"

"Why not?" Shanks retorted. "We know Sky Islands are a thing. Why wouldn't someone make a ship that can fly? Bet you could fly over the Red Line, or even the Calm Belt!"

"That's just crazy talk! It's one thing to coat a ship and have it float up, but to actually sail? You'd be blown wherever the wind took you!"

Shanks laughed and said, "Wouldn't that be amazing?"

Buggy fumbled for an answer, but was saved from responding by Izuku's grumbling stomach. Shanks looked Izuku over and asked, "Did you get breakfast?"

Izuku timidly shook his head. Shanks dug into the back pocket of his shorts and pulled out a lumpy biscuit. "Here. I'll just filch another one from the pantry."

Izuku warily examined the dubious pastry, but his stomach vetoed his brain. He took a cautious nibble of the tacky, dry biscuit. It made his mouth sore by simply chewing on it and it had less flavor than a saltine cracker, but he greedily ate the whole thing.

"There, feel better?" Shanks asked. "I find food always helps."

"I - I guess so. Thanks."

Simply being reminded of his misery was enough to turn Izuku's thoughts back to his lost home. Sensing the change in mood, Shanks asked, "Want to climb up to the crow's nest? I bet we'll spot the next island soon."

"Where are we going?" Izuku asked.

"No idea! There's eleven different routes we can take coming off Reverse Mountain, and it's random which one we get. Have you seen a Log Pose before?"

When Izuku shook his head, Shanks dragged him off to the helm. The helmsman swiped at Shanks, but the cabin boy gave the scarred, grizzled man a cheeky grin as he swiped a glass orb off the helm. Izuku peered at the Log Pose curiously and said, "There aren't any directions on this."

"You just follow the needle." Shanks twisted it around, showing how the needle always pointed straight ahead. "The magnetic field's all screwed up in the Grand Line, and each island has its own pull. The needle points towards one, then resets when we spend enough time on it. The only other way to find an island is to use an Eternal Pose, which always points towards a specific island."

"You can't find islands on a map?" Izuku asked.

Both Shanks and Buggy laughed at that. "People have tried mapping them," Buggy said, "But no one's ever been able to do it. Some say the islands move. Others claim it's a curse over the entire Grand Line, messing with peoples' heads while they try charting islands. The sea will turn you around without you even knowing it." Buggy looked at the Log Pose and said, "See? We're going the wrong way now."

"Give that back!" the helmsman roared, and he slammed Buggy on top of the head. The ship swung around as the grumbling helmsman wrenched the wheel aside.

"And that's why you never sail without a log pose," Shanks said. "So, race you up to the crow's nest?"

Shanks hauled himself up a rope before Izuku could blink. Buggy shouted after him, "Hey! Wait 'til I'm ready, you cheater!" His body flew up in the air, leaving his boots behind. Izuku stared up at the two of them as they flew up the ship's mast, then examined the mast. Rungs were cut into the side, and Izuku slowly climbed his way up them. His arms were burning and he had blisters forming on his palms by the time he made it to the top.

"Well, looks like you beat Buggy up here!"

"What! No he didn't! I was up here first, you liar!"

The wind nearly blew their words away, it blew so strongly against the sails. The rocking of the ship, just a subtle shifting under his feet at deck level, felt far stronger in the tiny platform atop the mast. Izuku clung to the side until his knuckles turned white.

"Your feet are still on the deck," Shanks pointed out. "That means even the landlubber beat you up here."

"Up yours, Shanks. Most of me is up here, that's got to count for something!"

Izuku looked down and saw Buggy's disembodied feet angrily stamping on the deck. Izuku asked, "Can't you carry your own feet?"

"I've tried," Buggy grumbled. "It's like trying to lift yourself up in a bucket. No matter how hard I pull, I can't get my feet in the air."

Izuku leaned over the side of the crow's nest. "Ah, so your body's mass resides in your feet, while the individual pieces have zero mass, but then how do they move? And wouldn't the wind blow them around? Actually, since they have zero mass, they wouldn't accelerate when force is applied. But then, how can you apply force with your disembodied limbs if they have zero mass? Does that mean it's actually spatial distortion? That would explain why I don't see internal organs."

As Izuku muttered to himself, Shanks and Buggy exchanged looks. "Do you have any idea what he's saying?" Shanks asked.

"Not a clue. Should I try poking him?"

Shanks eyed the low sides of the crow's nest and the long drop to the deck. "Only if you feel like swabbing him off the deck."

"I mean… it would be funny."

Shanks gave him a flat look, and Buggy raised his hands. "Alright, sheesh, you don't have to take it so seriously."

A shout from above them startled Izuku out of his ramblings. "Hey!" Luffy shouted. "I think I see an island from up here!"

Izuku looked up. Luffy was wound atop the very peak of the mast like a rubber band. Floating next to him, the pirate with wind powers held a hand over his eyes.

"Nicely spotted. You kids better get down, cause this'll get ugly."

Buggy swallowed, while Shanks' eyes glittered with excitement. "Do we get to go along this time?"

Buggy gave Shanks a look of betrayal while the other pirate gave a nod. "Don't get too far ahead of the others and pick your fights. I'll have our new doctor tie you to your beds if you get so much as a scratch."

"Hey, I wanna come too!" Luffy shouted. "Those islands are shaped like meatballs! I bet there's meat!"

"Take it up with the captain." The lookout pirate drifted down, and the wind left with him.

Shanks slid down a rope, while Luffy and Buggy simply jumped off the crow's nest. By the time Izuku made it back down the rungs, the crew had gathered, swords and axes in hand, in front of Gold Roger.

"Ready the cannons!" Roger shouted. "We'll soften the place up a bit before going in for the kill."

"Are they really Rock Pirates?" one asked. "I thought you wiped them all out!"

"Their captain's gone, and most of their best split off like Whitebeard, but there's still some holdouts flying their flag." Roger gave them all a manic grin and asked, "I'm up for burning another Rock Pirate flag. How about you boys?"

A resounding cheer answered him, and the pirates ran for their battle stations. Some loaded cannons and aimed them out the starboard, while others readied boarding planks and grappling hooks.

Izuku threaded his way through the crowd until he came up to Gold Roger. Once the pirate captain turned towards him, Izuku asked, "Are we getting dropped off at this island?"

Gold Roger guffawed and said, "Here? I'm not that heartless. Whiskey Peaks is an old pirate haven. You'd be lucky to make it off that rock with your friend. Besides, she's not even awake yet."

Izuku peered out towards that island. "So, those pirates… are they villains?"

"Yes." Roger had a grave look on his face. "Any chance you've heard of the Rock Pirates in your future?"

"Nope."

"Good." Gold Roger drew his sword and smiled at the distant islands. "Why don't you stay with your friend? You can help keep her safe while we take care of these assholes."

Izuku nodded gratefully and ran for the only room he could consistently find on the ship. Crocus nearly shoved him out of the room, but the doctor tsked and sat back down when Izuku explained.

"If you're stuck with me, then you could at least grind up some poultices. We'll need them after this fight."

Crocus pointed, and Izuku opened the cabinets. Fresh and dried herbs were crammed in bundles, alongside jars of oil and fat. Izuku pulled out one bundle and examined the thick, broad leaves in his hands.

"This is aloe vera, right? Is this for burns?"

Crocus raised an eyebrow. "You know a thing or two about medicine?"

"A - a bit…" Izuku trailed off. "I got into a lot of scrapes when I was younger. I was clumsy."

Crocus' eyes narrowed, and he stood next to Izuku's shoulder as he crushed leaf after leaf into a stone mortar. "Grind in some turmeric."

"Prevents infection," Izuku said as he added in a dash of yellow powder.

"Good. It's not the best, but it keeps well on voyages."

A thunderous boom shook the walls. Izuku flinched at the sound. He tensed up as the cannon shots continued.

"Focus," Crocus said. "Now, finely mince some Tear Balm."

Izuku paused. "I haven't heard that one before."

"Best herb to have in an apothecary. Acts as a performance enhancer for everything else in the mixture. Always mix it in after the main ingredients, but before any filler."

Under Crocus' guidance, Izuku pulled out a handful of light, airy grass, pale blue and silky smooth against his fingers. The moment he took a knife to it, beads of resin welled up around the cuts, and the grass seemed to shrink in on itself.

"Quickly now," Crocus said hurriedly. "Don't let it disappear on you."

Izuku made some hasty cuts, and the Tear Balm practically melted. The resin left behind formed a soft, gelatinous blob on the counter that jiggled at the slightest touch.

"Always make sure your hands are clean when handling Tear Balm," Crocus warned. "It enhances everything, including contaminants. You could poison someone with a pinch of iron powder if you're not careful."

Izuku scooped the gel into the mortar and mashed it gently into the aloe vera. A potent whiff of turmeric drifted from the pestle once he stopped.

"Wait until the gel loses its luster, then mix in some tallow. We'll coat bandages in it once they get back."

After two minutes, the shiny patches of the paste lost their luster. Izuku opened a jar and mixed it in.

"Won't adding fat make the paste weaker?" Izuku asked.

"It does. That's why we used Tear Balm first."

Crocus brought out a fresh jar, and Izuku carefully pushed the cream inside. Another cabinet held wound strips of linen, and while they weren't as stringy and tough as gauze, Izuku fell into the familiar habit of cutting out bandages.

"You know," Crocus said, "You'd make a half-decent doctor if you put your mind to it."

"Um, thanks." Izuku blushed under the compliment and searched for something to say. "Is Mei going to be okay?"

Crocus let out a deep sigh as he cut another strip. "Kid, when was the last time she got some sleep?"

"At least a week, why?"

"Yep, that would do it." Crocus glanced at Izuku's stricken face and said, "Don't get so worked up. She's sleeping. She'll probably wake up in a day or two."

"Oh. Thanks, for… you know…"

"You can thank me by cutting more bandages. Better to have them ready before pirates are bleeding all over the place."

A loud thump came from the door. Crocus grumbled as he got out of his chair.

"Someone better be dying out there!" Crocus shouted as he flung open the door. A grinning, unkempt man holding a club over his head greeted him.

"There sure is," the pirate cheerfully replied. "You are!"

The club fell. Crocus let out a pained grunt and fell sideways onto a bed. The pirate sauntered in, followed by a lanky, sallow man with a hook nose and a short woman with a dagger in each hand.

"Rats, no treasure," a pirate groused. His eyes slid over to Mei, and he grinned. "But Sleeping Beauty over there might do. Help me with her, will you?"

As they approached Mei, Izuku snapped out of his terror. He grabbed the mortar off the counter and hurled it at them. The stone bounced off a pirate's head.

"K-k-keep your hands off her!" Izuku stammered.

The pirate rubbed the spot where the stone had struck him. "Little kids shouldn't throw things at people. That kinda hurt, ya know."

The other pirates cackled at his insult. Izuku flinched as the club whistled through the air in front of him. He hunted for anything else to defend himself with. His eyes went to the knife, with beads of Tear Balm still coating on the blade, but the pirate knocked it aside with a lazy flick of his club.

Out of any other options, Izuku raised his fists and inched forward. The pirate grinned down at him and asked, "We're really doing this? Don't say I didn't warn you."

Before his fear could get the better of him, Izuku let out a yell and charged forward. He barely started swinging his fist when the club slammed him into the shoulder and flung him into a cabinet. The wood splintered against his back, and he landed on bundles of leaves. A shard of wood dug into his back, scraping against a rib, and Izuku screamed.

"Why don't you lie down? I'm sure your doctor can fix you right up."

Another pirate stage whispered, "Didn't you knock their doctor on the head."

"Whoops, I guess you're right! Silly me!"

As the pirates laughed at him, Izuku brushed away tears. His eyes stung, far more than the tears should have, and he saw a string of dried peppers hanging over him. His hand clenched and closed around a tuft of Tear Balm. A wild, desperate idea struck him. In one hand, he mashed the peppers together. In the other, he crushed the grass until beads of resin welled up between his fingers. He combined the crushed herbs together, then wrenched open a jar and tossed it inside.

After a quick shake, he opened the jar and stood up. The pirates, halfway out the door with Mei, paused to look at him. With a wild shout, Izuku hurled the oil at them. He aimed for their eyes, but the oil never made it that high. It splashed all over their chest and arms.

"Hah!" The pirates lowered Mei and brandished their weapons. "You got guts, kid, but you really should've stayed down."

One of the pirates looked down at their hands. "Hey guys, what was that stuff? My hand's itching."

The others looked down at themselves. Wherever the oil touched them, their skin quickly turned red. As the blotches darkened, the pirates fidgeted and tried scraping it off.

"Augh, get it off, get it off!"

"Water! Get some water!"

One pirate wiped at their forehead. Their face turned red wherever their fingers passed. "It's in my eyes! My fucking eyes!"

Izuku felt his own hands stinging and saw his palms changing color. Hyperventilating as the pain seared its way up his arms, Izuku groped through the herbs until he found aloe vera. He crushed it in his hands, mixing it with the Tear Balm still coating his fingers, and felt near-instant relief.

The pirates proved less fortunate. Blisters formed where the oil had touched them, while red patches spread through contact across their body. One pirate howled and threw themselves overboard as their eyes turned red, while another tried rubbing the oil off, only spreading it further in the process.

The third pirate, however, had eyes only for Izuku. He smashed a bedpost with his club and sauntered towards Izuku. "You little shit. Y'know, I was going to let you sit there and watch us carry off your little lady friend, but now, I'm going to crack your skull like an egg and scramble everything inside."

As Izuku saw the club rise high over him, he could only stare. Every part of him screamed to roll out of the way, to keep fighting, but Izuku knew he couldn't. He was Quirkless. Weak. Even being clever with the peppers didn't do anything.

"Gum gum… pistol!"

A shout from outside the cabin made the pirate look. A fist stretched into the room and clocked him in the face. Seconds later, Luffy wandered in. He nudged the unconscious pirate with his foot.

"Eh… do I have to drop you off at a marine base?" Luffy asked. "I don't feel like doing that again."

Izuku shakily rose to his feet. "N-no, um, that's fine. Thanks."

"Sure! Now, give me meat! Shishishi!"

The other pirate shook himself and let out a yell as he charged Luffy. Luffy bent in half sideways, tripped the man with his outstretched leg, then punched him so hard in the back he flew overboard.

"You're not meat, silly!"

With a groan, Crocus stirred in the bed. He sat up and rubbed at his bleeding temple. "That's what I get for sailing aboard a pirate ship. Stupid Roger."

"Y-your'e alive!"

"Yes I'm alive!" Crocus snapped. "It'd take more than a love tap on my head to put me under. Now, clean up this mess you made. And if you get that cursed chili oil of yours anywhere near me, I'm making you lick it up. Got it?"

By the time Izuku finished cleaning up, Whiskey Peaks was merrily burning, and the Roger pirates hauled sacks of money and barrels of alcohol onto the ship. The wounded trailed into the room, and Crocus pressed Izuku into service, tying bandages and scrubbing wounds, even stitching an arm under the doctor's watchful eye. Hours later, Izuku was covered in blood, dead on his feet, and itching like mad from a speck of oil he had missed.

Roger strode into the room and gave everyone inside a once-over. He smiled at Izuku and said, "Heard you fended off a few pirates. Nice work."

"I-I didn't do anything, not really," Izuku protested. "Luffy's the one that beat them up."

"I dunno, I'd fear your chili oil of doom a lot more than a fist to the face." Gold Roger chuckled and said, "You did well for your first time."

"But I didn't do enough!" Izuku shouted. "I just sat there and watched while he was going to kill me!"

Gold Roger shrugged. "Well, you're still alive. Just don't do that next time and you'll be fine."

The pirate captain turned away. Izuku hesitated, then reached out and grabbed his coat. "I - I want to learn how to protect people! So… please teach me!"

Gold Roger glanced back. "You sure you want to? It won't be easy."

"I'll do whatever it takes!"

After a short pause, as if listening to something only he could hear, he said, "You and Luffy can train with Rayleigh then."

Izuku stood for a moment in disbelief as the captain left. Then he pumped a fist. Hope bloomed inside of him. Roger didn't think he was crazy! He said he could do it… right?

Crocus whacked him on the back of the head. "Are you going to help me clean up or not?"

A/N: does anyone else find the cursed chili oil objectively terrifying, or is that just me?

Didn't get this posted yesterday due to an upset stomach. Feeling much better today, thankfully.

Took a trip to the Rockies for my sister's wedding. As it was an outdoor wedding, it rained. Mere sprinkles, sure, but still rain. Still a nice relaxing vacation though.

Life's still a bit crazy, but things should be calming down this month. It'll be another month before another chapter, but by then, I might be able to sustain a biweekly update schedule.

In the meantime, enjoy this chapter!