The Many Loves and Rivals of Ranma Saotome

by

triviatrap 1982

(I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, Ranma 1/2, or Inuyasha...just own my thoughts and my originial characters)

The first day of school, it's normally a universally happy time for some kids...unfortunately, it was a rough time for others. Take Ranma Saotome, age 16. He went to Jusenkyo with his irresponsible father and got drowned in the spring of drowned girl. Add in the fact that he has fiancees that are constantly trying to get with him then you have a recipie for disaster. Though, quite a few kids moved away, new students came in. The first group were somthing that Ranma could get along with.

'Man I wish I had a girl who would actually listen to me,' Ranma thought to himself.

"Ranma...you're not thinking about those floozies are you?" a pissed off Akane pressed.

"None of your business!" Ranma said. "Besides, why would I think about an uncute tomboy like you?"

"JERK!" Akane snapped as she nearly took his head off. That is...she hated when she was called an uncute tomboy by Ranma. She also has a beef with him for seeing her in the nude (even though she walked in on him). Though, three boys walked in, and two of whom were very pissed off.

"SHUT IT, DRAGON BREATH!", the first boy spat to a brown haired...cerlean blue-eyed terror.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT YOU DOG?", the said boy spat at the blonde haired, and very pissed off second.

"Listen you two, this isn't Domino!", a third, red and blonde porcupine head snapped, and the two quited down.

"So...you must me the new students here," Ranma said.

"Yep! Let us introduce ourselves, I'm Yugi Moto," the porcupine-head said.

"I'm Joey Wheeler...and the Jerk, is Seto Kaiba."

"Just shut up!" Kaiba Snapped.

"I'm Ranma Saotome," he said shaking all of their hands.

"Damn, you practice martial arts?" Joey asked.

"Yep, Anything Goes Martial Arts," Ranma answered

Seto Kaiba tried to take a shot at Ranma who blocked it easily. "To slow!" Ranma said.

Then, the three took their seats...however, there were three new students who came in...two beautiful, black-haired girls,...and a boy who looked like he was a pervert. Though, he had a very red hand mark on his face which told the entire story.

"Miroku, you pervert!" Sango and Kagome snapped.

"Well, it's not my fault I like pretty women," Miroku answered.

"Feh! GO SIT DOWN!" Kagome ordered, as he went.

Then after all that was over, a new teacher came in, and her name was Ishizu Ishtar. She's of Egyptian decent, and she was tall, dark, and pretty. She came in wearing a conservative dress, and she let her long hair flow down. She, then took her seat behind the desk, and the perverts croweded to the front of the room...nearly all of the boys, and half of the girls.

"Well, now, I see you're ready to learn," Ishizu said. "let's learn shall we?"

'I hope Mr. Tendo didn't do anything stupid,' Ranma thought to himself.

'I hope that Genma didn't do anything stupid,' Akane thought to herself.

"Ok, where were you at with your lesson?" Ishizu asked.

The perverts in the front ended up plowing though their homework to go to the point to where Ishizu would teach therm. After class, and when lunchtime came, Ranma went to go and get himself some octopus puffs (his favorite snack). After school, however, after Ishizu graded her papers for the day, she went to the gym to go and work out. That is, she and a bunch of other teachers got together to play basketball. After however, she was in the locker room changing...a creepy, perverted, nasty, stinky old goat.

"Ah! Egyptian silk, pretty!" The said demon of perversion said with a sigh.

"GET OFF ME YOU MONSTER!" Ishizu barked as she KO'd the pervert out of the women's locker room.

"Hey, now, a feisty one," he said as he popped her bra and ran off with it...and all of Ishizu's spares. However, this didn't go unnoticed all of the girls who came in with her were ready to beat him down...including one Tendo by the name of Akane.

"Happosai..." Akane said with the look of murder in her eyes. "...you will die for messing with my teacher."

"Well, well, if it isn't Akane..." Happosai stopped and realized one of the two lifted bras was missing. "Can we talk?"

"No," Akane said as Ishizu got dressed, this time, ready to kill him.

"I think I left the water running at home!" he said quickly and he bolted...though everybody, including Ishizu was chasing after him.

Meanwhile, Yugi, Joey, and Ranma were outside talking about his misfortunes...though Kabia just sat and listened. Ranma went on how his father dragged him to China, and took them to Jusenkyo, and well...the rest his history. Though, Yugi and Joey understood...because wierd things had happened to them...and with that millineum puzzle around his neck...even wierder.

"That sucks!" Joey said. "If you need somebody to fuck your father up, then I can easily have it arranged."

"Enough," Kaiba said. "It's all a trick."

"You know, Kaiba, you can start saying things other than that," both Yugi, and Joey said.

"Hey, step behind that tree," Ranma said, as he instinctively knew what was going to happen.

"Yugi, face your fears like a man!" Kaiba snapped.

"Yeah, then why are you hiding with me?" Yugi asked.

"Hm...good question."

"Well, your friend Joey, has a lot of balls," Ranma said.

"Shit for brains, but he has balls," Kaiba said.

"Normally, I'd defend him...but this time, Kaiba, you're right," Yugi said.

Then, Happosai, and the crew of angry women came though, happosai thought he could get Joey into trouble...but unfortunately, he jumped out of the way so that he couldnt' toss his bra on him...or so he thought. As soon as he came down, he saw Ishizu's bra in his back pocket. Then, he was sourrounded by a mob of angery women...except for Ishizu, who knew better.

"So, you're a pervert!" Akane accused.

"Calm yourself," Ishizu ordered.

"Why should I?" Akane asked.

"Because Happosai did the same thing he does to me...he sliped the panties in his back pocket so that Joey'd take the wrath," Ranma answered.

"WHO ASKED YOU, RANMA!" Akane snapped.

"I SAID CALM DOWN!" Ishizu barked and Akane instantly backed off.

"Miss Ishtar, did that sinky old goat get to you?" Ranma asked.

"The one you seek, has vanished," Ishizu said. "Now everbody, as you were."

Most of the girls dispersed, and Joey got his life saved by Ishizu. He was happy as Yugi and Kabia came out in stared at him like he just did something so very wrong. However, Joey was happy that he didn't get any broken bones, he couldn't duel under those circumstances. Later on, as they all went home, Kaiba followed Akane and Ranma..and well, this exchange suprised him...and to make matters worse, three other girls came out of nowhere. To add insult to injury, his rivals also came from nowhere.

"Ranma! PREPARE TO DIE!" a kid with a bandana said, as he was charging at him with a bamboo umbrella.

"RANMA YOUR LIFE ENDS HERE!" a black-haired boy said as he charged with a wooden Kendo sword.

"RANMA STAY AWAY FROM SHAMPOO!" another black-haired boy yelled, though he was looking at Akane.

"So...this is what he has to go through everyday huh?" Kaiba asked himself as he stayed back...then, Joey saw the entire thing and decided that he needed a good fight.

"Yo! Your beef with Ranma is also a beef with me," Joey said as he cracked his knuckles.

"What you!" the enemy combatants cried.

"What's the matter, Kuno, Mousse, and Ryoga, afraid you'll lose?" Ranma teased.

"Ranma, Joey, quit!" Akane said...but failed.

"THEN PREPARE TO DIE!" The three idiots said as they charged them.

"He got no chance," Kaiba said of Joey's situation.

When it was all said and done, the three idiots were beaten up very badly. That is, Joey and Ranma didn't even give them a chance to make their first move. Something that definately impressed, Kaiba, Ranma, and Akane. Once Ranma and Joey were done...The finacee brigade showed up and tried to make things a bit worse.

"Ranma go on date with, Shampoo?", the purple-haired amazon asked.

"Ranma-honey, come on you got to choose your fiancee!" Ukyo said.

'Damn, that's a big spatula!' Joey thought as he backed out of the way...quickly.

'Damn, that Ranma's in it...deep,' Kaiba thought as he stayed a safe distance.

"Ranma, darling, I haven't fufilled my womanly duties to you," Kodachi said as they edged closer..but Shampoo always got the hug off of him.

"RANMA YOU JERK!" Akane snapped as she blasted him clear into the stratusphere.

'Damn, I'm glad I'm not him, Akane's to viloent for me!' both Joey and Kaiba thought as they scattered.

Well, they both headed over to the Tendo house, where Ranma landed in the koi pond...and turned into Ranma-chan. Either way, this was one unhappy pig-tailed martial artist.

"Damn, Akane!" Ranma-chan snapped. "That un-cute tomboy has nothing better to do than to get on my nerves!"

"RANMA YOU CAN'T CHOOSE YOUR..." Genma started to say...but got cut off by an elbow to his gut.

"Hello!" Kaiba said.

"Ah, Seto, Joey, so nice to see you here." Ranma said as she got out of those wet clothes.

"You're...not.." Kaiba started.

"She is," Joey said. "Had you paid attention, hot water turns her back to him."

"You believe that?" Kaiba asked.

"Who wouldn't?" Came the tone of the middle tendo daughter, as she doused Ranma-chan with hot water.

"DAMN IT'S NO TRICK!" Kaiba said excitedly as he saw a little bit more of boy-type Ranma than he needed to see.

"I'll be down...I'm going to take a bath," Ranma said as he went to the bath, which was on the first floor.

Then, later on after everything was set, Genma decided that he needed witnesses to tell Ranma, he had more suitors. This was going to wear on Ranma's nerves really quickly. Though, when Ranma was finished with his bath...he knew that Genma was up to something...and well, it never went Ranma's way. Then, the two girls that just came to Furinkan came by. Sango and Kagome looked at Ranma...who looked at Genma...and then three other girls that Kaiba and Joey knew were there.

"What's going on, pops?" Ranma asked.

"Kaiba...I hope that old man got life insurance," Joey whispered to his friend.

"Why do you say that?" Kaiba asked.

"Because, Ranma's about to kill him, that's why," Joey answered.

"Ranma, my boy," Genma started, as Akane, Ukyo, Shampoo, Kodachi, Kuno, Mousse, and Ryoga came in. "I have some news for you."

"It had better be good," Ranma said cracking his knuckles. "If it ain't, say your prayers old man."

"It's good, boy!" Genma snapped. "You see these five girls here?"

"Yeah, what about them?"

"They're your newest fiancees!" Genma announced.

"WHAT, THE FUCK!" the entire room shouted...well except for Kasumi, Nabiki, and Soun.

"Well, Ranma...for 5,000 yen, I can help rid you of your problem," Nabiki said.

"Oh my," Kasumi just said softly.

"SAOTOME! HOW COULD YOU!" Soun snapped, then started crying...he did this regularly.

"Ranma..." Akane said, as she out of nowhere took out a mallet, "...prepare to die."

"Now wait a minute!" Ranma snapped. "I did not ask for no fiancee and I sure as shootin' never will!"

"YOU JERK!" Akane yelled as she aimed for the poor, pig-tailed martial artist.

"So, Ranma," Joey started, "so should me and Kaiba help you...or shall we let you do the dirty work."

"Joey...thanks for the offer, but the old man is my job," Ranma said.

"Well, teach the old fool a lesson...and yes Ranma...you're going to have a few more rivals," Kaiba said.

After that, Ranma beat the shit out of Genma again...though Happosai showed up and groped on Sango's ass. Miroku wasn't there, so there was one other explaination. That is, the old lecher had to die.

"Ah, such a nice firm bottom!" Happosai said as he continued to grope.

"Oh, I'm glad you feel that way old man," Sango said with a smile on her face. "Because, that'll be the last thing you feel on God's green earth if you don't get off, now!"

"I DON'T WANT TO! I DON'T WANT TO!" Happosai whined as he didn't want to let go.

"NO BODY CARES WHAT YOU WANT YOU OLD PERVERT!" Kagome snapped as she punched him dead in his face.

"Now you've done it!" Happosai said. He got the trademark anime glint in his eye, and that meant something was going to go down. Happosai wasn't your everyday pervert...he's addicted to women's undergarments and feeling them up whenever he could. Though, today, nobody was in the mood. Then a green-haired boy came, and he was very pissed.

"Which one of you is Happosai!" He demanded.

"There the pigtailed one!" Happosai said out of desparation...and the boy believed him.

"YOU MOLESTED MY OLDER SISTER YOU LETCH!" he snapped.

"Marik...is that you?" Joey asked.

"Yeah, why you ask?" Marik answered back.

"Because, that pig-tailed one is Ranma Saotome...that old fool down there, is the pervert."

"Thanks, Joey, I nearly had a lapse of Judgement."

"No problem, man!" Joey said.

Then, Marik let his dark side out...and it never was pretty.

"IF YOU WANT TO LIVE YOU WILL STAY AWAY FROM MY FAMILY!"

Then, Happosai made himself look very fucking big...though, Marik knew what to do, he did the same thing. Happosai accepted defeat and he went about his business. He went on his panty raids so that he could at least do something...perverted. Back at the problem at hand...What the hell was Ranma going to do, how was he going to deal with all of these fiancees? Well, Ranma has to get himself out of this situation and fast. Though, the three new girls took a liking to Ranma very quickly...all of whom Joey recognized.

"Serenity? Tea? Mai?" Joey asked in suprise.

"Yeah, Joey?" Tea answered.

"You're so fucked, all five of you,

"Oh, boy...explain yourself," Mai said as she bruhed back some blonde hair.

"See that man in those glasses..." Joey pointed to one dead Genma.

"Oh, that, you see Genma made a promise to...damn," Mai said as she relaized what Joey meant.

"Great, if he chooses Serenity, you'll be Ranma's brother-in-law." Tea said.

"Damn," Serenity said. "I have a feeling that we aren't the only ones who he's going to run away from."

"I see," Mai said as she noted Shampoo and Ukyo were about to have a bitch fight, as shampoo started to whip out her mases.

"Calm down now," Nabiki said. "I'm sure that for a nominal fee, I'll help figure all this out."

"Well, it's worth 10,000 yen" Ranma said as he went to get his money...and everybody else ponied up.

"Great," Nabiki said. "how about this, lucky Ranma here gets to date each of you individually, and after he gets to choose,"

"Sounds fair," Ranma said.

"However, Akane, you may not date with him first, or crash his other dates or you'll forfeit your shot."

"Sounds good to me, who'd date that pervert," Akane said.

"For everybody else, I'll put your names in a hat, and I'll draw it."

Nabiki did just that. With Akane, automatically placed as Ranma's last date, the drawing started. After a few minutes the results were very interesting. It happened as followed:

1. Tea

2. Ukyo

3. Sango

4. Kodachi

5. Serenity.

6. Kagome

7. Shampoo

8. Mai

9. Akane (who would had been last anyway)

"Now this is the order that has come up," Nabiki said. "I'll fine everybody in this room 1,000 yen if they interfere with a date."

"Double dates are legal right?" Joey asked.

"Yes, but you still must not interfere, or you'll be paying big time," Nabiki said.

"Then start paying up now, Kuno and Ryoga," Kaiba said.

"Why should..." Kuno started but was cut off by Ryoga and his bamboo umbrella.

"It's for the best," Ryoga said.

"Fine," Kuno said and quieted down.

"Ranma...get some rest, Friday is your first day with Tea," Nabiki ordered. "For the rest of you, be patient, you have a lot riding on this.

Now it was set, Ranma Saotome was forced to go on a date with each of the fiancees rather he wanted too or not. Though the good news is that, now he can keep all the other joker's away from him. Unfortunately nobody told Mousse the news and he was going to make an ass of himself. Well, these are the many loves and rivals of Ranma Saotome.