I keep forgetting to upload them chapters!
When Onya woke up the next morning, she was in a bed that wasn't hers. It was her first thought, and she straightened up immediately, sitting dazedly. A woman lay beside her, her back to her, just as naked as Onya was, as she soon noticed.
Wormana didn't feel shame, and yet Onya found herself scrambling for her clothes, trying to make as little noise as possible to escape as quickly as possible, her boots and coat in hand.
Outside, the sun was rising behind the white clouds of winter, the inhabitants of Polis were gradually resuming their habits, going about their business as if the party of the previous day was only a distant memory.
Onya was familiar with the notion of 'walk of shame', she had seen many of her men come out of a barrack that was not theirs after a drunken evening, she herself had been entitled to it, although a little more discreetly. And yet, Onya, hastily lacing her boots, thought those days were behind her.
She had the impression that her skull was compressed in an iron vise, all the sounds resounded in her mind like an echo, Onya found herself covering her ears, grimacing in pain.
"Anya!"
Onya was tempted to turn around and pretend she never existed. Her idea of hole seemed very welcoming, especially when she saw Kassi running towards her, fresh as a flower.
"What?" Onya muttered, pulling her hood over her face so she wouldn't have to meet her gaze.
Yesterday was a mistake. A big mistake that she would never make again. She was going to forget all her feelings for Natshangada. In fact, she didn't have feelings. She never had and never would. She was Wormana Onya kom Trikru, and no one could upset her.
"You okay, dude?" Kassi asked, fists on the hips. "Didn't see you last night, and you didn't come home after the party. Wait… Were you… Were you doing the nasty?"
Onya grimaced. By dint of rubbing shoulders with this idiot, she no longer even needed to wonder what she was saying when she used her Sky jargon.
Kassi giggled like a child.
"Damn, girl! You got some game! Who was it?"
Onya groaned, pulling her hood over her face.
"What do you want?"
Kassi seemed to regain her seriousness.
"Something's wrong with Lexa."
Immediately, Onya threw her hood back, ceasing to avoid her gaze.
"What do you mean?"
"She's locked herself in her room and she doesn't make a sound. Gustus tried to chase me away but I lost him in the tower, but even then, she didn't come out," Kassi explained. "I even started singing the French national anthem and she didn't yell at me to leave."
"Did you open the door?"
Kassi shook her head.
"I still got some respect. But I don't know what to do. Do we go at it with a ram?"
Onya sighed, thinking at full speed. Something was wrong, something was definitely wrong.
"And… And you weren't here, and so I didn't know what else to do, and-"
"What day is it?" Onya asked.
"Uuuuh, I've got no idea. All I know is that we must be in December or January, I think."
"Why?"
"Because yesterday was the winter solstice."
So that was it. Everything made sense, all of a sudden.
"Come on, let's go see her," Kassi said, starting to walk in the direction of the tower.
Onya caught her by the arm.
"We are doing no such thing. Today is not the day."
"Why?"
Onya hesitated and sighed.
"It's been three years since someone she cared about died. Or well, since she learned about her death."
Kassi's face darkened.
"Crap."
"You said it."
Onya wanted to turn on her heels and disappear, no doubt to fetch a shovel but she found herself staring as Natshanagada's reflection passed over her face.
"Anya."
"No," Onya immediately replied, shaking her head.
"Who else is gonna do it?"
"No. Heda is Heda, she has her duty."
"Grief is not a duty," Kassi replied, frowning.
"Love is weakness," Onya retorted through gritted teeth.
Kassi shrugged, gazing into Onya's eyes.
"Maybe. But isn't it worth it?"
Onya seriously wondered what would have happened if she had kissed her, right now.
She buried her face in her hands, groaned.
"Okay, but how are we supposed to do it?"
"You go to Lexa, I get the booze."
"What? No-"
"Not for you, you drunk asshole, for her and I," she said, rolling her eyes. "Come on, and take of our girl."
And she took off running.
Onya had no choice but to head for the tower, running her hand through her tangled hair. She took the elevator to the top of the tower, not having the courage to face the stairs.
When she arrived in front of Heda's room, she found its door unguarded. Kassi hadn't lied when she had said she lost Gostos in the tower. Onya cleared her throat, uneasy.
"Leksa, it's Onya."
No answer. Wishing she hadn't agreed to this, Onya turned the handle and stuck her head inside.
Leksa was sitting on a sofa, dressed in her simple shirt and pants. her gaze was troubled, his face pale without her war paint.
"Oh, good, you're alive."
"Get out."
"I'm sorry, this is not going to happen," Onya grimaced, entering the room and closing the door behind her.
"Get out, right now!" Leksa replied in a sharp voice, the one that normally made the most rebellious of her warriors obey.
"Again, I apologize, but I can't. I promised I wouldn't leave your side."
Leksa sat up, raising her chin.
"As your Commander, I relieve you of your promise and order you to get out!"
"And as your friend, I am going to politely decline," Onya replied, sitting down on the floor, leaning against the wall.
There was a moment of silence where Onya wondered if she was going to draw her sword to cut off her head, as she had taught her.
"It wasn't my idea," added Onya.
"You don't say," muttered Leksa.
"But it doesn't mean I don't agree with it," Onya added. "Grief is too heavy to be carried alone, Leksa. I learned that the hard way."
"I am not your brother."
It stung. It really did. And Leksa seemed to regret it immediately, pursing her lips.
Onya shook her head, taking a deep breath.
"No. You're my sister. And I won't let grief take you away from me too."
Silence. Leksa watched her without a word, and Onya did not hide from her gaze. She meant what she had said, and she wouldn't apologize for loving her. For loving anyone else.
After long agonizing minutes, Leksa heaved a sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"By the flame, what has she done to us?"
"No one ever taught us how to grow up. Before her."
Silence again.
It was this moment that Kassi chose to kick down the door, appearing with her hands full of liquor bottles.
"FBI OPEN UP!"
Leksa did not even react, while Kassi closed the door with difficulty with her foot.
"Did you rob the kitchen?"
"Hell yeah, I did! Leksa, you gonna have to arrest me for armed robbery."
"What was the weapon?" Onya asked.
"Charisma. I know you don't use it often, but you should, it could help with the party-pooper thing," Kassi replied, laying the bottles on the bed, bouncing them off the mattress.
Leksa got up to silently inspect the cargo, as if refusing to aknowledge why they were there.
"I even got some of those," Kassi said, pulling a tissue bag from her pocket. "Jobi nuts, baby!"
Onya snatched it from her hands, stuffing it into her pocket.
"Oh come on!" Kassi shouted.
"No. This is where I draw the line. You can get drunk, but no… Hallucinosomething nuts."
"See? This is why we call you a party pooper!"
"Who's we?"
Leksa lifted her hand which was holding a bottle by the neck, Kassi clinked bottles against hers, and Onya rolled her eyes, reseating herself on the floor.
This was going to be something.
Onya had stopped counting how many bottles they had emptied, contenting herself with watching them chatter, louder and louder. After a while they had started dancing, and now they were twirling around giggling, each holding a bottle.
Onya would have lied by claiming that the scene was not hilarious.
Leska chuckled as she sat down on the furs that covered her bed, Kassi whirled around several more times before sitting up too, spilling droplets in her path.
Onya pretended to applaud.
"What did you think?" Kassi asked.
"Impressive," Onya commented. "You didn't step on each other's feet."
"Well, your room's pretty big, uh, Lexa?" Kassi replied. "Should have told me. I would have given you more candles."
And they started laughing like children again, leaning against each other as Onya rolled her eyes in amusement.
"Let's play a game," Kassi decided. "It's a game I call 'Who's got it worse?'. Raven and I used to play that all the time."
"What's that?"
"Raven's my sister, she's-"
"No," Leksa resumed. "What's the game?"
"Oh. Well, it's very simple. You tell the worst thing that has happened to you, no one judges, and the one who has a worse experience wins. Let me start."
She licked her lips, half leaning on her bottle.
"I had a buddy named Eric Jackson, used to call him Jackity-Jake, but anyways, we would pretend that we were dating, because we were both gay."
"What does it have to do with being happy?" Leksa asked innocently.
Kassi started laughing, but Onya didn't understand why.
"It's not gay as happy. Gay means homosexual. I'm gay because I am a woman only attracted to woman and Eric-boy is gay because he is a man only attracted to men."
"I'm gay," Leksa announced.
"I know, baby."
Leksa was really drunk.
"Anyways, we had to pretend to be dating, not because being gay is not accepted or anything, it's accepted, but we constantly live in hyper-survival, so why waste precious resources on people that are not going to procreate? He's doctor, and I'm a teacher, so we had to survive somehow. You know, everyone accepts gay people, but unconsciously, they won't put their lives before yours. That's fucked up," she said before bringing the neck of her bottle to her lips.
Then she laughed, shaking with a hiccup, as if there was nothing more hilarious than this story. Leksa giggled behind her hand.
"Your turn," Kassi announced.
"I…I got the title of Heda because all the other Natblidas were dead."
And they both burst out laughing, leaning against each other, their bottles in their hands. Onya felt a chill creep up her spine.
Kassi turned to her.
"What about you?"
Onya hesitated for a long moment, then shrugged.
"When I was a kid, I gave a stuffed animal to my brother. When I found his body, he had it in his pocket."
"It's awful!" Kassi exclaimed between bursts of laughter.
"I used to love someone, Kostya. Azegda took her, tortured her, cut off her head and sent it to my bedside!" exclaimed Leksa.
By now, Kassi and Leksa were both rolling on the bed, shaking with peals of laughter.
"Wait! Wait, wait, wait. I got a better one."
She chuckled as she leaned over to Leksa, who sneered after her, bottle in hand.
"My own father… Hic! My own father…"
She leaned over a little more to start whispering:
"He killed both my mother…"
Onya felt her blood freeze in her veins.
"… And my daughter."
And Leksa and Kassi burst out laughing, spilling drops of alcohol on the furs, while Onya stood still, frozen in horror.