A/N: This is the first "new" chapter! Thought I could get it done before work but that didn't happen. So a little intro about this collection, every oneshot is going to be based on a Lady A song. Semi stole this idea from JoyfulHeartEO who has a Taylor Swift collection (which is fabulous by the way and you should go check it out if you haven't yet). A lot of the Lady A songs really fit some aspect of the EO partnership/relationship vibe, so instead of posting a million single oneshots I thought I'd just collect them all here. Each chapter is the name of the song, this one being "Be Patient With My Love" from the Ocean album.

Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine, song isn't mine, I just live in fictional worlds (or parallel universes).

Mighta done it this time

Mighta drank too much wine

Mighta said somethin' that

I just can't take back

There were many things Elliot could have been thinking about tonight in the back seat of Bell's SUV. She and Jet chatted in the front seat about some TV show he'd never heard of, but he wasn't interested in trying to figure it out.

All he could think about was that night a month ago when he showed up at Olivia's front door, high on God knows what. It wasn't so much the being drugged that made him wince (though it was embarrassing, and an experience he never really wanted to feel again) nor the fact that he showed up randomly at her door (how many times had he done THAT since he'd known her?). No, it was more the fact that he possibly screwed up any chance they had at repairing their relationship when he dropped the truth bomb.

Kathy dictated the letter.

The letter he gave to Olivia when he came back from Rome.

The letter he was never supposed to be around to see the blowback from because he and his wife were supposed to have their asses back on a plane to Italy the morning after he gave it to her.

He'd heard the quote "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." And though there'd been plenty of times that phrase applied to his life, it never seemed quite as cruel as when he had to stick around and see how Olivia absorbed the letter. The letter she thought he wrote.

He couldn't take those words, Kathy's words, back now. He couldn't take back that she knew the truth. Couldn't take back the last 10 years of silence, or a reconnection only to leave again to show up at the worst times.

His father always told him he was a screw up. Said it repeatedly for years until the day he died. Made the point forceful with metal and leather from time to time. Being a screw up was something he'd internalized from a young age, but it'd never felt more true than in this last year.

Always push till you cry

And I just don't know why

Tell me there's a way to turn around

On this way to goodbye

He could still picture her face the night after the sex trafficking bust at the party. He hadn't expected her to be in his apartment (though it wasn't like she didn't have the resources to find out where he lived). He surely didn't expect her to be so chummy with his mother (what was that about?). But he'd insisted he'd walk her out, like the old days.

Her face was so full of words and yet so cryptic as she told him she wanted him to come home. To not let his Eddie Wagner persona take over. He knew she'd been undercover, knew colleagues who had been under for extended periods of time. Maybe she could see something he couldn't.

Every time he parted from her anymore it felt like the chasm between them grew. He wondered how much longer she would keep coming around. Keep rescuing him.

He remembered something he said to her during the Gitano case: "I need to know you can do your job and not wait for me to come to your rescue." That's all but a laugh now considering he'd been the one practically beaking his cover, repeatedly, and she had to be the one to come to the rescue.

Oh, how the times had changed.

'Cause I'm comin' back

Back to my senses

I'm comin' back

Like holy redemption

"Welcome home, Detective Stabler," Bell said as she pulled up to his building.

"Your real phone is clean," Jet said, handing it to him over the back of her seat. "I'll get rid of all the burners tomorrow."

"And you're due for a meeting with IAB at 9 to debrief the takedown tonight," Bell said.

"I'll be there," he said, opening his door and stepping out onto the sidewalk.

"And shave that ridiculous thing off your face," Jet yelled out the window as they pulled away from the curb, causing him to laugh.

He really liked his new squad. Bell had become like a sister to him, Jet like a daughter. He cared about them and it made him feel good that they seemed to care about him too. It'd been hard to remember that people did after everything he'd been through.

He hadn't been expecting all of his kids and his mother to be piled into the living room and shouting "surprise" when he got home either. Kathleen was the first to reach his side and hug him, with Lizzie and Maureen close behind. His mother was in the kitchen cutting a cake, and his boys waved awkwardly from the couch.

"We missed you, Daddy," Kathleen said.

"It wasn't like we didn't see him every day though," Bernie yelled from the kitchen. "Playing it a little bit fast and loose while being undercover, weren't you, son?"

"Well, that's done now," Elliot said, holding tight to his girls.

"Promise?" Kathleen asked.

"Yeah, I promise," he said.

This felt right. This was who Elliot Stabler was. A son and a father. A protector, not a gangster.

They ate their cake and sat around and told stories from when the kids were little. It was the first time they'd talked about Kathy without someone crying. It was hard, but it was right.

After the older kids left and Eli was in bed, Elliot sat on the couch and scrubbed a hand over his face.

"You really should get rid of that thing," his mother said. "It's not you at all."

"It wasn't supposed to be me, Mama," he said.

"But you're back," she said. "And you don't need it anymore."

"You're right," he said.

"On second thought, that's the second time you've told me that since you grew the thing, so maybe you should keep it just a while longer," Bernie said.

Elliot groaned.

"I'm just kidding," she said. "Maybe it's time to shave it off and then go tell your partner you're home for good."

"My partner dropped me off, Mama," Elliot said. "She knows I'm home. She knows the operation's over."

"Your new partner is lovely, son," Bernie said. "But I think you know who I really mean.

Olivia. It was always Olivia.

"She's waited long enough," Bernie said. "Don't you think?"

Elliot didn't have any choice but to agree.

I'm comin' back to the man that I was

So, please don't give up

Be patient with my love

That's how he found himself at Olivia's door an hour and a half later. He didn't know what was with him lately and the midnight arrivals with no phone calls. It'd become his thing. And not that he didn't like seeing Olivia any chance he could get, he was hoping for maybe a few chances to spend time together in the daylight soon.

He knocked quietly on the door. From the street he could tell there was still a light on in her living room, and he hoped that meant she was awake.

He heard light footsteps and then the door chain.

"Elliot?" she asked, almost confused.

"Surprise," he deadpanned. "I know you weren't expecting me in the middle of the night."

"When do I ever?" she said with a small smirk. "Something's different."

"That a joke, Captain?" he said, returning her playful tone.

"You look like you have all your faculties this evening," Olivia said, crossing her arms and leaning against the doorframe. "So what do you need?"

"Wanted to tell you in person that the operation is over," he said. "Eddie Ashes is officially dead and buried."

"Don't you mean cremated?" Olivia joked. "I think that would be more his style."

"Either way, Liv," Elliot said seriously. "He's gone."

"That may be true," Olivia said. "But his actions have consequences."

"Can I come in?" Elliot asked, knowing he had no right.

Olivia looked over her shoulder, down at her PJs, something he'd been seeing her in more frequently and not hating. He loved dressed-down Liv. Of course, who was he kidding. He loved badass policewoman Liv, and mom Liv, and partner Liv, and undercover Liv. He loved every version of her.

"Noah's asleep," she said. "Think you can keep it down this time?"

"Copy that," he said, crossing the threshold.

No, I never fight fair

But I'm tryin', I swear

Old habits don't break

I heard someone say

"So what's the ulterior motive?" Liv asked as she settled into one end of the couch while he opted for the other, avoiding the chair, which reminded him too much of the last time he was here.

"No ulterior motive," he said. "We arrested everyone this evening. Then I went home, saw my family, and then I wanted to see you."

"Sometimes, even when we really want something we don't get it," Olivia said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Elliot asked.

"There were plenty of times I wanted to see you over the past 10 years," Olivia said. "But I couldn't just come traipsing through your front door in the middle of the night because you disappeared. I couldn't even call you because you changed your phone number. Yet here we are, me letting you walk all over everything like I always do. I feel like the same stupid girl I was back when we were partners."

Her words were a lot to process for Elliot. They reminded him what a jerk he had been over the course of their friendship, if he could even still call it that. But what could she possibly mean about being some stupid girl? She was one of the smartest women he'd ever met.

"I don't get it Liv," he said. "When have you ever been stupid?"

"I've always let you do whatever you want, whenever you want. In our friendship, in our partnership," Olivia said. "I always acted like some ridiculous high school girl falling over the captain of the football team even though he was married to the cheerleader. I've grown so much in 10 years Elliot, so why am I still running behind you, trying to catch the pieces where they fall. Letting you stomp back in over everything I've made here for myself?"

He wanted to yell. He could feel some vile words on the tip of his tongue, but he stopped himself. What good would it do? Especially, after all this time being back when he'd been more honest with her, she was finally starting to open up.

"Old habits, Liv," he said. "I guess that goes to show that you never knew though."

"Never knew how much I really cared about you," he said.

Ooh, yeah, I could use some Jesus

A little more prayer

But if I could make it to the middle

Could you meet me there?

"I thought what we had wasn't real, Elliot," she said.

"Those were Kathy's words," Elliot said.

"She didn't just make that up," Olivia said. "Every lie even has a kernel of truth."

"Yeah, the truth that her husband was more in love with you than he was with her," Elliot blurted and saw the color drain from her face.

"You don't know how many times I went to Sunday confession and told my priest that I coveted my partner, again," Elliot said. "God, Father Hogan even came up to me after the funeral and asked if you were the partner I'd been confessing to him about for however many years."

She tried to interrupt but he put his hand up so she'd let him continue.

"You don't know how many times in Italy I prayed for you, out loud," Elliot said. "When I thought Kathy wasn't around but a few times she walked into the room and caught me. You have no idea how hard it was to continue choosing my marriage vows when the woman I wanted was an ocean away? And how much harder it was to choose them when she was right across a desk?"

"So I'm the bad guy here?" Olivia asked. "I'm the temptress who pulled you away from your wife and your family. How's that supposed to make me feel?"

"That's not what I'm saying," Elliot said. "What I am saying is that you said you felt like you had some high school crush, but I was head over heels for you and apparently you never knew."

"I didn't," Olivia said. "Even the few times that I thought, maybe you could be, I always talked myself out of it."

"Because you're not some temptress who was trying to pull me away from my family," he said. "Liv, I'm trying here. I'm trying so hard to tell you how I feel, how I've always felt. I'm just trying to make it to the middle. And now that I'm back from being undercover, do you think you could meet me there?"

"I don't know, Elliot," she said. "I don't feel like I know you at all anymore. Drugs, sleeping with sex traffickers, burglaries, arson. On top of all this 'I love you' stuff. This isn't the man I remember."

'Cause I'm comin' back

Back to my senses

I'm comin' back

Like holy redemption

"I won't ask how you know all that," Elliot said. "Because it's probably better you don't tell me. But I'm still here Liv. I'm still your partner for better or worse."

"You haven't acted like it for a long time," she said. "You knew everything about me, for years. And now, you don't know me either."

"But I want to," he said. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I need it. I need it to become me again."

"It's going to take a lot more than my forgiveness and a razor to help you stop being Eddie Wagner," Olivia said.

"It might, but I'm trying," he said. "I'm here for my penance. Whatever you can give me, I can take it."

"This isn't about some punishment," she said. "This is about you showing up and staying. Showing up and being honest. Showing up and letting me in instead of thinking your protecting me by keeping me in the dark."

"Maybe we need couples therapy," he said as a joke.

"My shrink would love that," she said, unable to stop the laugh that escaped her lips.

"You see a shrink?" Elliot asked.

"There's a lot you don't know about me anymore," Olivia said.

Something in the air changed, and he knew he needed to make some kind of move. Something bigger than just the back and forth they'd been spewing. So he slid closer to her on the couch.

"Maybe it's time we fixed that," he whispered before laying his lips on hers.

I'm comin' back to the man that I was

So, please don't give up

Oh, be patient with my love

The connection was instant. The minute their lips met something inside Elliot clicked, like fitting the last puzzle piece in place or the stiff cogs on a machine coming to life after years of sitting idle.

This was who he was. Elliot Stabler: son, father, and in love with Olivia Benson.

When they pulled back, her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were wet and he could tell she wouldn't dare cry in front of him, not now.

"I've put you through a lot," Elliot said. "But if you can be patient with me, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."

"I want to believe you, El," she said. "But it's hard."

"Please don't give up on me," he said. "Knowing that you're here, that you're safe, that you're who you are is what gets me through on the tough days. And I want to be that same thing for you. So can you please, please be patient with me?"

She didn't speak for a long time, but eventually raised her hand to his jaw like she did the night they discovered Eli was stealing his mother's pills.

"I'll try," she said.

"That's all I can ask," Elliot said, kissing her once more and pulling her to his chest, sighing.

For the first time in a long time, he felt like things may finally be okay again.

'Cause I'm comin' back to love

I'm comin' back to love

Oh, I'm comin' back to who I was

So, just be patient with my love