Chapter one:

... Never Strikes Twice

It began a normal, peaceful day in Runescape. I was just about to embark on another slayer task, this time werewolves, and was in the chicken yard across from Lumbridge collecting arrow feathers. Then, within the same second, three things happened.

First, I heard this huge explosion, louder than anything I'd ever heard before - and that includes explosive potions, cannons and most spells. Then, I saw the entire Lumbridge castle begin to tumble. As I stared unbelievingly at the castle's destruction, I felt tremors from the earth beneath my feet. These tremors grew as the castle slowly and painstakingly collapsed.

For only a few seconds I stood and stared, before I remembered my duty as a Legend of Runescape. I raced towards the castle, which was still falling.

I had taken only a few steps before I realized that, if any invader was attacking, I wouldn't be much help with only a short oak bow and bronze arrows. I changed direction and arrived at the gates to Al Kharid.

Without stopping to explain to the guards, I vaulted over the fence and sped onwards to the bank. I stored all my ranger equipment, and withdrew my full rune amour, and my prized possession: the abyssal whip. For good luck, I donned my lucky team-9 cape. Even with over 50kg worth of amour, I was still able to jog the distance to Lumbridge castle.

As I approached, I remembered my glory amulet. "No! I'm still wearing Lord Iowerth's crystal pendant that I had on when I was killing chickens! It won't help protect me at all!" I decided that I didn't have time to return to the bank, so I left the green necklace on. So little did I know about that pendant...

I arrived at the place where Lumbridge castle used to be, and immediately began searching the rubble for survivors. I was searching the rocks directly beneath what had been the duke's bedroom, when I heard a disturbance behind me.

I whirled around, and saw Hans pulling himself out of the rubble. I walked up to him. "Hans, are you OK?" No answer. "Hans?" Hans had fully pulled himself out of the rubble now, and was standing. But something was wrong. "Hans?" I yelled, beginning to panic now. Still no answer. He just stood there, staring at his feet. I grabbed his head and made him face me. What I saw terrified me. He looked more dead than the soulless adventures lost in the underground pass. And on his forehead was branded a large N. I was confused. What did 'N' stand for? Noob? How could noobs do this? It didn't make sense.

Then I heard another explosion, from somewhere close by. There was no mistaking this sound: it was a dwarf multicannon. I wildly looked around, and saw a cannon set up in the ruins surrounding the HAM trapdoor. I looked closer, and saw people standing behind the cannon. Lots of people. Lots of people wielding wooden shields and bronze swords.

One of the noobs walked a short distance from the rest, and pointed straight at me. With a wild yell the noobs charged down the slope towards the ruins of Lumbridge. I stood my ground, and made ready to defend the ruins and myself.

I heard something speed past me and hit the ruined wall I was standing against. The sound it made reminded me horribly of a daganoth's slimy foot hitting bare rock. I had enough time to realize what it really sounded like, when another missile splashed into the rocks near my feet. "Oh " I exclaimed. Standing on top of a tree stump, was a mage preparing his next water strike. I wished I still had my ranging gear. He threw it. I moved to dodge it, but some noobs ran at me and shoved me back into it's path. The strike splashed on my rune amour. I fell and knew no more...

I came to with my head reeling. As I got up, I examined my surroundings and remembered what had happened so far. I tried to think where the noobs would go next, and the answer was obvious. Port Sarim.

With no guards whatsoever and a good rune shop and battleaxe shop, it was a perfect target. I set off at a run for Port Sarim. I approached it very soon, and at once saw that I was too late.

The prison had been smashed, along with the bar and shops. That dumb respawnable goblin Wormbrain was out of jail, and was walking around the deserted town. His head was down, and he seemed to have no clear idea of where he was going. A quick look at his forehead confirmed my worst fears. The noobs had struck again.

Ok, so Port Sarim was gone. Now what? Varrock of course. The noobs so far have got runes and battleaxes – but no swords, daggers, plate bodies or elemental staffs. Remembering the last water strike that had hit me, I charged northwards past Draynor mansion.

The further north I went, I heard the sounds of fighting. The best sound was the unmistakable "YEEEAAAARRRGGGGHHH" that every good barbarian yells before combat. In the barbarian village, the war was raging. The barbarians were giving the noobs a hard time, what's more they seemed to be enjoying it. From what the noobs were wearing and wielding, I gathered that they had stormed varrock already, and taken staffs, swords and plates. The good news was that none of them were wearing Peska's helmets.

I ran east a short way until I saw the smoking ruins of Varrock. As there was no point staying here, I returned to the barbarian village and tried to aid the barbarians. But for all their strength, they were actually quite stupid. I had just handed a level 11 noob a free ticket to lumbridge, when I felt a crushing blow glance off my rune armor.

Spinning around, I was faced with a barbarian, who was raising his axe for another hit. "Hey I'm on your side!" I shouted in his face. The reply was clear, "Sorry mate, but Gunthor said the enemy was anyone who isn't a barbarian, and I don't think you are one."

So what could I do? I killed him and figured that they didn't need my help here, so I left for Falador. The white knights should at least have some warning. I arrived at Falador from the north, and was faced by a positive wall of guards. They had organized themselves standing shoulder to shoulder right in the gateway, and totally refused to let me past.

So now what? They apparently knew of the danger already, and seemed to be handling it quite well. Then the thought struck me. How could I have forgotten? If the noobs get the monastery, then they will have a good alter, and noobs with prayer are harder than noobs without.

I arrived at the monastery to find that the monks there had put aside all ideas of peace and were thrashing the living heck out of the noobs. Leading them was a warrior, wearing full adamant amour. Getting closer I discovered that it was actually my Saradomin-loving friend, Alkir.

Ok, so everything seemed to be alright here – but so far no sign of the cannon or the noob leader himself. I walked back the barbarian village, not too worried about the fate of Runescape now that everything was basically under control. But as I neared the village, I could hear something was wrong. There were no more barbarian warcries! I crept closer, and saw a familiar hooded figure. It was the Mysterious Old Man that had given me a strange box once.

He was standing in front of a barbarian warrior, which four noobs were trying hard to control. He touched the barbarian's forehead with his finger, and traced their mark on it. The barbarian relaxed. His head hung down. He wandered off, obviously in the same trance that wormbrain and Hans were in. Only then I noticed that the whole village was like that. Except Gunthor, I couldn't see him anywhere…

It was only now that I saw the extreme seriousness of the situation. If the noobs had a guy who could put people in listless trances then… "This is bad", I thought. "Real bad" But the noobs were moving on west. What lies to the west? Falador and Taverly. Falador looked alright for defense, but Taverly is just a bunch of peaceful, nature-loving white guys. On my way to Taverly, I remembered Alkir. "He isn't my only high level friend! I have more!"

Unfortunately, all my friends were offline somewhere, except one. Kryarn's a dumb noob, (and proud of it) just a very strong one (level 79). So I tried to explain everything in one go: "low levels are taking over! There in Taverly now basically! You gotta help!" And the answer came;

"Why you only got noobs taking over? You notta noob. But ill help ya take over, sure."

"NO! IM TRYING 2 STOP THEM!"

"Oh righty. Can I watch?" Dam him, I can just hear the slow drawl he talks like. "Well sure u can watch, but bring yor amour and weapons" "OK k, coming."

When I arrived in Taverly, I immediately went to my druid friends Kaquemeex, Jatix and Sanfew. I quickly explained the situation, but they simply didn't believe me. "If what you are saying is true, then the balance of Guthix would be disrupted. Our God would not allow that to happen." I walked back to the gateway between Taverly and Asgarnia.

I stood there and waited. "Hiya Zana! Sup?" The voice came from behind me. I turned and saw Kryarn with no amour or weapons whatsoever. "I thought I told you to bring FULL amour!" I yelled at him. "Why?" He replied. I began to speak, but was interrupted by a low, awed "Whoa". Kryarn was facing the road to Falador, his face lit with delight.

"Wow, Zanathir dude! You got a real noob army here! I mean, it's the real under 10 noobs! The hardcore, goblin slaying noobs!" Well of all the reactions I had been expecting…

"Kry, I don't think you understand. These guys have trampled Varrock and they've got a cannon and Mysterious ol…" He interrupted me there.

"A cannon? Where'd they get that from?"

"Uh...' Good question. Where did level 30- noobs get a cannon from? When they're like 800k each? 'ok... I dunno where they got a cannon from, but they got one anyway. And they also got a mysterious old man that puts people into trances so they're not really human anymore." Lame explanation, but I think he got the idea cause he nodded.

"But... this don't make sense. How could noobs take over Runescape? How did they get a mysterious old man and a cannon? How could they get pas..."

"I DON'T KNOW!" I literally screamed at him. He stopped talking, and just looked at me, slightly open-mouthed.

"BUT THEY JUST ARE AND WE GOTTA STOP THEM!"

A slight pause. "ohkay..." coming from Kryarn, "But... I still wanna know answers."

Grrrrrrrr...
I was just about to yell back when I heard Kryarn yell, "HEY!" And saw him race past me towards the first of the noobs entering the gate. After a moments comprehension, I saw that the noob was unmercifully beating up the boy who's ball I had returned once. At least, he was beating up the boy. But now, he was soaring threw the air back the way he came, right back over the wall.

"Good throw Kryarn!" I yelled. He wasn't listening. Instead, he was attacking the noobs with his hands and feet. They surrounded him...

Noobs were flying everywhere. I was kept busy just killing the ones that Kryarn threw. I watched him battle his way to the gate. He grabbed both gates and shoved them closed. They shut with a resounding clang. Kryarn braced himself and held the gate shut while the noobs tried to push it open again.

I ran around and killed the noobs still on this side of the gate. I was just finishing off the last one right beneath the wall when I heard something that made my blood run cold for only a moment... The sound of a blast spell being created. And it was coming from directly above me.

I spun around, and looked up at the wall just in time to see a mage wearing an assortment of robes (nothing mystic), and creating a fire blast. I stared for like less than half a second. But that was enough. The mage threw his spell, and the fire blast hit me hard in the chest. My blood went from cold ice to liquid fire. I felt the spell hurl me backwards, and for the second time that day, everything swirled and went black...

A/N: This is only the first chapter. Please review and let me know if I should write more.