A/N: This is a long one! I got caught up in it!
Disclaimer: Song is "Somebody Else's Heart" from the Heart Break album!
You think I'd be more resistant
To put myself in this position
Elliot fiddled with the cufflinks on his suit as he leaned against the bar. He'd been so pushy to secure this undercover op and he hadn't really stopped to think about the consequences.
He'd promised everyone he was out of the undercover game: his kids, his mother, his sergeant, his… Olivia. But this was a short sting, nothing like the Albanian disaster of 2021, which they've all pretty much elected to not speak about again.
No, this was a week tops, to bust a new cell of a potentially larger drug smuggling ring with ties to both Greece and Rome. He was supposed to be infiltrating some corporate banking firm as a visitor from the Columbus office. His name was Adam, he was in town to get some files, explore the town, get to know some people from the headquarters. They already knew their target, Kristos Thermopolis, and it just so happened the big man was having a birthday party that evening where a sale was supposed to go down. The only problem? They usually took place at Kristos' afterparties in the back room of the club for the big players and their wives, mistresses, or hookers. There were also rumors of ties to a Greek human trafficking ring that would supply female companionship to those invited who didn't have any.
"I can't do that, Ayanna," he said, when she told him about buddying up to Kristos and getting into the party on his own.
"Why not?" Ayanna said. "You don't have to do anything with the girls and I've already alerted Liv so SVU can start looking into that side of things."
"After the Albanians, I'm not playing around with that kind of crime anymore," he said.
He'd disclosed to Ayanna what happened with Flutura out of fear of blowing his cover. She'd been disappointed in him, but glad he hadn't gotten himself shot and tossed in the river.
"Fine," Ayanna said. "Then what do you suggest?"
"Get somebody to go under with me," he said. "And pose as my whatever."
"Charming as you are, I am not pretending to be your wife," Ayanna said. "And nobody is going to believe Jet is your sugar baby."
"Then get me somebody on loan from somewhere else," Elliot said. "From another department."
"And who might you suggest?" Ayanna said.
"Benson," he said without thinking.
"If you can get her to agree, I'll back it," she said.
It hadn't been that hard to convince her. She'd already heard about the smuggling ring and wanted to get in there and check it out. The coffee and Boston cream donut were probably enough to send it over the edge, and Fin walked into her office in the middle of it remarking how everything was back to the "good old days."
Yeah, it'd been rather easy, and that's what scared Elliot the most.
Yeah, we always go there
Down a road that leads nowhere
Somewhere between lovers and just friends
"How do you want to play it?" Elliot asked her, as they sat down to craft their cover stories.
"I'm definitely not going to pretend to be your hooker," Olivia said with a scoff. "Once in my life was enough for that."
He tried not to let that memory stay in his head too long.
"Well, I don't think Adam is the type of guy to have a mistress," Elliot said. "He's supposed to be pretty clean cut. Good old midwestern guy, does the right thing, that schtick."
"So a choir boy," Olivia said. "Something you used to know all about."
She still really hadn't let the whole Albanian undercover thing go, and he knew it. She'd admitted to him one night after he'd been out and they caught up for dinner, that watching him be Eddie was harder than having him gone for 10 years because at least in those 10 years he probably changed subtly. When he went undercover she said he "went from the man I knew to some scary criminal in just about 10 minutes."
That had scared him, how close he'd been to being somebody else, the things he'd done just to keep that cover afloat, and it was part of the reason he didn't want to do any more lengthy UC stuff with Organized Crime. And, if he was being honest with himself, it was why he wanted her under with him on this job.
"So, you'll be my wife," he said, tentatively, not knowing how she'd react.
"Yes," Olivia said. "What should we call her?"
"Andrea?" Elliot suggested. He didn't know where it came from, just pulled it out of his ass.
"That works," Olivia said. "So if Adam is a choir boy, what's the wife like? A goody two shoes?"
"Nah," Elliot said. "Andrea should be a little edgy, a little tempting. She's the one that brings Adam out of his shell. She's the one who will make him think staying for the afterparty is a good idea because it's their first time in New York City, no kids, just them."
"Oh, so they've got kids," Olivia said with an arched eyebrow.
"Yeah, three of them, two boys and a girl," he said. "Oldest is in college, youngest was a surprise."
"Pretty big surprise given how old they are," Olivia said with a smirk.
It'd all been so easy crafting their personas, slipping back into their banter, stealing elements from their real lives to make the covers easier to remember.
They were going to play it that she flew out for the weekend to spend it in New York City together for the first time, and their first vacation alone since their youngest son was born 11 years ago. He'd go to the party alone and she'd meet him there after checking into the hotel and "freshening up." They'd gotten a room for the night to get ready and use as a cover if necessary.
He'd left her there about an hour ago. She'd been in the bathroom doing her hair and makeup when he was heading out.
"Hey, I'm going down," he said, rapping lightly on the bathroom door. "Jet's going to get my mic hooked up then she'll be up to get yours."
He hadn't expected her to open the door, clad in just her silk robe with her hair done but only foundation on her face.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" she asked, holding her hand out and opening it so he could see three things sitting in her palm. Two wedding bands and an engagement ring.
"Right," he said, reaching to pick up his band, but stopped himself before reaching for hers.
She scrunched up her face when he motioned for her to give him her left hand. She complied and he slowly slid the band down her ring finger, followed by the engagement ring. He felt her pulse quicken under his fingers, but he knew his own did the same. She was still holding his band, so she took his left hand and slipped it on his recently bare ring finger, and despite how he thought it might feel to wear a ring again after what happened to Kathy, nothing made him happier than what was going on right now.
"I'll see you down there," he whispered, sliding his hand from her grasp slowly so their fingers touched as long as possible.
He had to take a couple of deep breaths before meeting Jet in the second hotel room all set up as a coms station.
Even after 23 years, they still played with the lines of friends or just a little bit more. And now, with fewer barriers, it was getting harder and harder for him not to cross it and never go back.
Saw you parked outside the party
I knew you'd be by the bar
Olivia took a deep breath and she approached the club. She saw Elliot's "rental car" parked on the street. It was part of his cover, the good choir boy from the midwest who got punked into getting a rental car when he could have taken a cab through New York City. But it was also part of their getaway plan in case something went wrong.
Not that she anticipated anything going wrong with the buy, or even getting intel on the trafficking ring. No, what she was more worried about was things going south with Elliot.
They'd barely been on speaking terms for months, and after he got out of the Albanian UC operation things had gotten a little better. They tried to meet up for dinner when they could. She stopped by to check in on Eli and Bernie from time to time, really just to make sure neither of them were up to things they shouldn't be when Elliot wasn't paying attention.
But things were still strained, and tonight they weren't just going to have to pretend they were partners, or coworkers, or heck two people who even liked each other. No, they were going to have to sell themselves as husband and wife. It wasn't the first time, and who knows if it would be the last, but she was terrified they wouldn't be able to sell it like they used to.
Back then, she could anticipate every move he'd make before he made it. He could sense her thoughts before she made a decision. They had been in sync, connected. She didn't know if they were still those same people anymore.
She took another breath and closed her eyes and tried to imagine what he was doing inside the club right now. What would the Elliot she remembered, the man she used to know inside and out, be doing if he was waiting for her to come to an old UC operation.
He'd be standing at the bar, fidgeting with something. His back to a wall, getting the lay of the land, watching the door for her like a hawk. Probably trying to figure out which men would hit on her when she walked through the door. The thought made her smile and she looked down to take a stalk of her outfit once more. Her mic was in the pendant that fell just above her cleavage line. The red dress was more revealing than anything she'd worn since Lewis, and she'd taken extra time and bought special makeup to cover those remaining scars that would be visible otherwise. She didn't know if she was ready to walk into all of this, but she no longer had a choice, and made her way to the front doors.
I wish there was a heart I could borrow just 'til tomorrow
'Cause this is always how it starts
The club was closed for the private event, but Andrea's name was on the guest list, and with that Olivia had her access. She let her eyes adjust to the dimly lit room, with some jazz singer crooning in the background. She let her eyes do a sweep for him, until they landed on the bar at the back of the room. And there he was, playing with his cufflinks, perched on a stool, staring right back at her. He smiled when he saw her, then his brow got terse when she walked by a table of men who were blatantly staring at her ass.
She quickened her pace to him and he opened his arms to hug her, like any husband would after being away from his wife for a week.
"Baby, I missed you," he said, pulling her close. He smelled like she remembered, his old cologne and aftershave mixed with beer, the way he used to smell when he'd hold a cab door open for her after a night of drinks with the guys.
"I missed you too," she said, slipping into her role as Andrea, but meaning the words as Olivia. She had missed him, the man she remembered. It's funny how he had to become another character to be the person she remembered. But she knew herself, Olivia would have once wore dresses like this for dates (though maybe not in red), she would have gotten fancied up to go out on the town and be fun loving and carefree if given the chance.
"Whoa Walker," a man said, coming up to them from the right. "You didn't tell me your wife was such a smoke show."
She recognized the man, Kristos himself, no doubt keeping an eye on the new guy to see if he was worthy of making it to the afterparty. She knew just by that comment they were already on the radar. She felt Elliot's arm go protectively to her waist and squeeze her hip.
"Always wondered why somebody as beautiful as her would hang around with a guy like me," he said. "But I guess I'm just lucky."
"We're both lucky," she said, putting her hand over his and rubbing his knuckles.
They weren't Elliot and Olivia anymore. They were Adam and Andrea, and they loved each other. But it was just a role, just an act. And Olivia had to keep reminding herself of that fact.
So tonight, gonna kiss you with my lips
Gonna hold you in my arms
Throw shadows in the dark
"You know, if you want to keep her around," Kristos said. "You could give her a proper welcome."
Elliot tilted his head and raised his eyebrows but didn't seem to follow what Kristos meant.
"You didn't even kiss her when she came in man," Kristos said, pushing Elliot in the shoulder. "Your woman flew across the country to see you, she deserves a little action."
"I'm not really big on PDA," Elliot said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. It was good for the act, the choir boy not wanting to make out with his hot wife in the bar.
"I mean, if you're not going to greet her right man, then I surely will," Kristos said, reaching for Olivia's hand.
Elliot tightened his grip further on her hip and pulled her closer to him. She'd seen that look before, aimed at her dates, perps, and anyone who ever came near his daughters. Possiveness, with a twinge of jealousy, added for her benefit. She had to diffuse the situation before he blew their cover.
"Aw hon," she said, trailing a finger along his jawline. "He's just kidding."
"No, I'm not," Kristos said, motioning the bartender for another bourbon. "You look phenomenal and somebody should be kissing you in that dress tonight."
"Is that so?" she asked, leaning more of her weight against Elliot's thigh.
Before she really knew what was happening, Elliot had spun her around, bent her backwards like they were reenacting the VJ-Day kiss in Times Square. His mouth was on hers before she could even register it. She didn't think their first kiss would come undercover, well, at least not now. Maybe back in 2008 or something. And she couldn't even enjoy it because they had an audience and her mind was racing a hundred miles a minute.
"Satisfied?" he said as he pulled back, addressing Kristos.
"Very," she murmured on instinct, adjusting her hair.
She caught him blushing out of the corner of her eye.
"A round for them on me," Kristos said to the bartender, before turning with a smirk and walking away.
I'll let you in against my better judgement
Wishing I could love you, love you, love you
With somebody else's heart
Somebody else's heart, somebody else's heart
He expected her to drop her voice and give him a stern warning, maybe kick him under the bar where nobody else can see. He knows kissing her at all, much less kissing her like that was probably more than she bargained for going undercover with him. In all the times they've had to do this over the years, things never really went beyond a little flirtatious touching, and maybe wearing a few less pieces of clothing than anticipated.
But she looked calm, dare he say, happy, about it?
That was probably just her cover, right? She was Andrea Walker, a midwestern wife with a wild side, living it up in New York City. He desperately wanted to pretend it was Olivia, that excited to be kissing him for the first time.
He'd been so lost in thought that he hadn't realized he was still holding her so close to him.
"As fun as that was, babe," she said. "If you don't let me move I can't get to my drink."
"Right," he said, letting her out of his grasp so she could grab the glass of rose on the bar, but she didn't go too far away. She scooted a stool closer to him, held her glass with her left, and held his left hand with her right. She leaned in close, and they talked about things that Andrea and Adam should be talking about.
"How's our boy doing in school this week?" Elliot asked, hoping she'd give him some more details about Noah as part of the cover.
"He's good. Got an A on his math test yesterday," she said. "But he's missing Dad being around a little extra this week. Just his yearly holiday blues sinking in."
Elliot couldn't help but wonder if she really was talking about Noah, if he got sad about not being able to see his father around the holidays. Elliot still didn't know who he was or where he was. Olivia hadn't shared any further details about her relationships while he was gone, but truthfully, when had she had the time?
"How about our big boy?" Olivia asked. "He talked to you lately?"
Eli had been having a rough time. He kept complaining he felt like he was under the North Korean watch and how much he hated living in New York. He knew it was teenage angst and missing his mother and too much change, but it was hard to see his once happy, thriving son turn into a moody teenager right before his eyes.
"Yelling at me is more like it," he said. "You know how it is at that age."
"He loves you," she said. "There are just some things it's easier to talk to Mom about. I'll see if I can get him to open up to me."
Did she mean she'd really talk to Eli? She'd step in to help him in all the places and things Kathy knew more about than he did?
"And our girl?" Olivia asked. "Has she called since you've been here?"
Olivia probably meant Kathleen if they were really talking about the kids. She was the most upset that he'd agreed to go back undercover, even just for a week.
"She did," he said. "She's just been worried about me. Big city and all, everything being so new. I don't know when she became the parent and I became the kid again."
"They grow up and you don't even realize it," she said, taking another sip of her rose.
Elliot took another swig of his beer. He couldn't tell how honest they were being about real life and how much was an act, but he decided to take his chances.
"I've missed them a lot," he said. "But I've missed you more. All that time away, it was longer than I expected. And I don't wanna do something like this again."
He could see the recognition passing along her face, like she was trying to determine how much of the confession was Adam and how much was Elliot.
"Babe, it's only been a week," Olivia said. "I know you'll always come back to me. Nothing's strong enough to keep us apart."
Well I wish I could feel the falling
But someone else could hit the ground
They'd been at it at the bar for about two hours, talking in veiled conversation that was part truth, part cover. A number of the guys from the office had been over to greet Elliot and they'd all looked her over like a steak in the butcher's glass case, and she was starting to wonder if there was a drug buy at all or if they were looking to make her their next trafficking sale.
Finally, Kristos came back over, and Olivia felt Elliot reaching for her again. He'd never been this touchy with her, even on previous assignments. She didn't want to think too much of it, because she was supposed to be a smaller town girl in the big city, so it wouldn't come off looking strange to the businessmen. But she wondered what exactly it was that was driving the clinginess. She was still a cop and she'd fended off much worse without him by her side.
Truthfully, she didn't want to get this close to him physically because it was hard to separate her character from her own feelings. But she was sure he was just playing the part. Even when she was asking him cryptic questions about the kids, she couldn't tell if he was really telling her about Eli and Kathleen or not.
"Adam," Kristos said, addressing Elliot. "We're wrapping up here. You and your wife feel like coming to the afterparty upstairs in the VIP rooms."
Showtime, Olivia thought. This was the part they'd talked through the most, how they should handle things with him being more resistant and her wanting to experience city nightlife.
"Man Kristos," Elliot said. "I mean, my wife just got in. She's probably tired, and wants to go back to the hotel."
Kristos looked her up and down, and it felt a little uncomfortable, so she slid away from Elliot to stand behind him. She normally wouldn't be so bold with him, but after his little performance earlier, all bets were off. She ran her hands along his shoulders and down his biceps, and she felt him shiver. Then she slid her hands and arms around his neck, down to his chest, and leaned in so they were cheek to cheek.
"Babe, as much as I can't wait to get you back to the hotel, we have all weekend," she said. "Maybe we could cut loose a little here? See how they party up in New York?"
"Sweetheart, are you sure?" he said. "I'm sure the guys will understand."
"I want to," she said. "It's been a long time since I've been able to be a woman first, and a mother second."
"Well, how can I say no to that?" Elliot said, turning his head so he could kiss her on the cheek.
"Great," Kristos said, motioning for them to follow. "Come with me."
Elliot put his hands over hers as he slid off the bar stool, and then interlaced his fingers with hers on one hand and they followed Kristos up the steps.
The intimacy was too much, and she knew she was going to have a hard time in her dreams this evening figuring out what was fact and what was fiction.
I wanna feel the buzz of getting closer without the hangover
But I could use another round
Elliot had nearly embarrassed himself a myriad of times this evening. He knows she felt him shiver when she started running her hands all over his body, but it was an involuntary reaction. She'd fixed his cuts, and checked him for bruises, and hauled his butt off the ground more times than he could count, but the only other time she'd ever touched him anywhere near like that they had a gun pointed at them and he couldn't even register it was happening. But tonight he was all too aware. Every part of him.
And what was going on up in the VIP room was not going to make it any easier. He felt her hand squeeze his as soon as they stepped through the doorway. There were a few of the other couples there lounging on couches, but there were also plenty of probably underage girls milling about with drinks, and trays, and other various things that girls that young shouldn't even know what they are. He knew the hand squeeze was to let him know that they'd made it, that they were going to be able to make the bust, and she was just itching to get on with it. Being undercover with Albanians had been hard for him, especially after he realized about the trafficking ring, but he had to let parts of that go to stay focused on the real prize, and for her, busting that was the real prize, and she wasn't just going to sit by very long and let any of these girls get violated on her watch.
He squeezed back, hoping she'd get the hint that she couldn't give herself away just yet. They could bring everybody down if they just kept their cool.
"So our afterparties are pretty chill," Kristos said. "Since you brought a lady, you might not need one, but if you're into that sort of thing, everybody here is very… open. We also got bottle service on the house. Pick a seat, get as comfortable as you'd like. There's no boundaries here."
Kosta gestured to two people going at it on one of the couches, and he could tell that the girl was probably one of the trafficked girls, and his eyes darted to Liv. She'd turned away, and he knew it was hurting her that she couldn't just go break it up.
Elliot's eyes darted around the room quickly, looking for somewhere they could sit and observe without being too conspicuous.
"C'mon baby, let's go sit down," he said, really not loud enough for anyone else to hear, but it was good to stay in character.
He tugged her along to the unoccupied armchair at the back of the room, it had the perfect vantage point, but it was really only built for one. So he sat, and pulled her into his lap, and kept the mantra in his head of Munch in a bikini to keep from embarrassing himself further.
When she was sufficiently settled in his lap, she leaned in so it looked like she was kissing his neck, but she really whispered in his ear.
"El, he was raping her," Olivia said, her voice choked with emotion. "We have to call it now."
He tilted his head so it looked like he was nibbling her ear, but whispered back.
"We can't yet," he said. "We have to wait for them to make us a sale and then Bell and Fin can bust in."
"But she's going to be traumatized," Olivia whispered back.
"I know," he said. "I'm sorry. You gotta know this still affects me. But if we can do this, she will just be one. Not one of many. I know one is still more than enough, but you gotta stick with me, and stick to the plan."
A young woman approached them, and they both looked up at her.
"Sorry to interrupt," she said in a Greek accent. "Do you need a menu for the evening?"
She produced a tablet and Elliot accepted.
"Order now, pay before you leave," she said, before walking to the next set of people rolling around on a piece of furniture.
Olivia shifted around in his lap to look at the menu too. As Elliot browsed the two column list, he quickly figured out that the food names were the names of the trafficked girls, and the items in the other column were the street names for a variety of the new drugs the Greeks had been pushing.
"Got it," he whispered to Liv. "After delivery we can go."
The woman came back for their "order," and Olivia was the one to place it.
"We'll have two orders of Solidify and Jasmine," she said, bouncing her foot against her other ankle, causing her thigh to rub his crotch, and the Munch in a bikini image was only taking him so far.
"That'll be 30, and about 45 minutes," the woman said.
"45 minutes?" he rasped into her ear. "What are we supposed to do for 45 minutes."
Looking around the room, he wasn't totally sure how he felt about the answer.
So tonight, I'm gonna kiss you with my lips
Gonna hold you in my arms
Throw shadows in the dark
Olivia couldn't believe they'd have to wait 45 minutes to call in Fin and Ayanna. There were so many young girls here. How many of them could be raped on her watch, in her presence, in that time. It was eating her alive. She knew Elliot was right, even if she didn't like it, that bringing down the entire operation and having a few victims was better than letting these people continue to traffic anything and everything they wanted through New York City. Then how many victims would they have?
"What are we supposed to do for 45 minutes," echoed in her head.
She needed a distraction, and she looked around the room and quickly realized that aside from the men she assumed were the guards of this little operation, they were the only two not engaging in any kinds of extracurricular activities. She knew it was a terrible idea, but she had to get her mind off those girls, and she knew exactly what would do it.
Olivia leaned forward from where she'd been reclining against Elliot's left arm and the side of the chair. He'd been looking across the room, away from her, so she put her hand up to his cheek and turned his head towards her, so he was finally looking right at her. His blue eyes were steely, with a little bit of fear in them, like he knew what was coming. Slowly, she leaned forward, and before she could talk herself out of it, she pushed her lips to his for the second time this evening.
She shifted her weight so she was straddling him, and slid her hands over his shoulders again. He acted instinctively, winding his hands and arms around her back, partly so she wouldn't lose her balance on the small chair, partly to literally have her back because she was vulnerable now, facing away from the crowd. Hands started to roam, but she didn't know who went first. Hers trailed down his chest, his found her ass. She had to keep reminding herself this was just for show, and it wasn't real.
He eventually broke away from her mouth and trailed kisses down the column of her neck to her cleavage and back up again. It felt too personal, too intimate, so she pushed his head back into the chair, and dropped her hands to his hips, leaning down to give his neck the same treatment he'd given hers. What she didn't expect was when she found one particularly sensitive spot he would breathe out, "Jesus, Liv, there."
I'll let you in against my better judgement
Wishing I could love you, love you, love you
With somebody else's heart
Somebody else's heart, somebody else's heart
With somebody else's heart
Oh shit. Those were the only words running through his mind on a continuous loop, for multiple reasons.
For one, he wasn't as focused as he should be and that could compromise the operation. For another, he was taking advantage of her while she was just playing a role. For a third, he called her by her real name, possibly jeopardizing their cover and letting her know that he wasn't playing his role as well as he should.
She'd detached herself from his neck pretty quickly after he said it, but there was no time to talk, no time to try again, because by some miracle, their delivery was ready early, and a young woman named Jasmine came to lounge by their seat, carrying a bag, likely filled with their drugs.
Olivia shifted in his arms again so they could both look at the girl.
"Can we pay now so we don't forget later?" Elliot asked the girl who nodded. She probably couldn't speak a word of English.
Olivia was the one to reach into his back pocket and retrieve his wallet and shell out the money, which Jasmine walked away to put in a safe after handing Elliot the bag. He unrolled it and looked inside, then let Olivia peak inside.
"Wow, look at that loot," she said, speaking almost directly into her necklace.
And within seconds, the team busted through the door.
"NYPD, everybody on the ground, show us your hands," Ayanna yelled.
Chaos ensued, and Elliot grabbed his gun from his concealed holster and Liv grabbed hers from somewhere under her dress that he didn't want to think about right now, and they took off, helping the force cuff each and every last scumbag and get all the girls to safety.
After everybody was rounded up, the two of them sat slumped back against the couch.
"You two did good," Ayanna said. "We got them all, and they're already tripping over themselves to rat each other out. Go on back to the hotel and get your stuff. The room is paid for the night if one of you wants to stay and have a little break from home. I'll see you Monday, Stabler, and hopefully you soon, Liv."
"Thanks, Ayanna," Olivia said.
"I'm heading out too," Fin said. "You need anything before I go?"
"No, go home and see Phoebe." Olivia said.
"And Jayden," Fin said. "We got him this weekend."
"Oh that's great," Olivia said. "If you guys want to go to the park or something, you know how much Noah loves playing older cousin."
"Yeah and I'm grateful for it," Fin said. "Saves my knees. I'll text you. Night guys."
"See ya," Elliot said as Fin walked away. He turned around before he ducked out the door.
"By the way," Fin said. "That lipstick is really your shade, Stabler."
Then he grinned and walked out, and Olivia put her head in her hands.
"So, should we go pick up our stuff?" Elliot said.
"Yes, please," she answered.
I wish there was a heart I could borrow just 'til tomorrow
The walk back to the hotel was awkward. They left more space than necessary between them on the sidewalk and stood on the complete opposite ends of the elevator. Elliot even waited until she was in the room a few minutes before following in behind her.
By the time he got in there, she'd already undone her hair, taken the heels off and was removing her jewelry. She slipped off the earrings and removed the listening device necklace, but she couldn't bring herself to take the rings off just yet.
Elliot was bouncing from foot to foot at the end of the bed and it was making her jumpy.
"If you have something to say please just say it before you give me a panic attack," she said.
"I'm sorry I let things go so far tonight," Elliot said. "I hope you didn't feel uncomfortable or unsafe or anything."
Even in his worst moments, where she wasn't sure if she trusted Elliot, like with the Navarro case. Even when he showed up to her house drugged and pawing at her, she never felt unsafe with him. Never.
"No more than I have on any other UC operation," she said. "We did what we had to do to blend in."
"But I could have scaled it back," he said. "Waited for more permission."
"Relax, Elliot," she said. "Adam and Andrea really like each other. Pretty evident if they had a surprise kid in their 40s."
She knew how that probably sounded when it came out. Elliot and Kathy had a surprise kid in their 40s. Of course, she'd always assumed they were in love, too. Though at the time of conception they'd been separated.
"So that was all Adam and Andrea?" he said. "None of it was Elliot and Olivia?"
She was stuck. Should she lie and keep things status quo, or tell him that she didn't feel much like Andrea when she was straddling his lap and sucking on his neck.
"Right," she said. "All our Columbus choir boy and his sexually frustrated wife."
"So, to be clear, Elliot and Olivia have never kissed," Elliot said.
"Right," she answered.
She knew it was probably setting things back years, but he wasn't ready yet. She didn't know if she was ready yet or if she ever would be. She was just finally starting to get him back, she couldn't risk jeopardizing the little bit of progress they made because she got carried away undercover.
But Elliot didn't look upset at all. In fact he looked glad as he cleared the side of the bed and walked toward her until he was standing close enough for their chests to touch.
"Good," he said, his voice dropping an octave, and her stomach plummeted right with it.
So tonight, gonna kiss you with my lips
Gonna hold you in my arms
Throw shadows in the dark
He knew she knew he wasn't playing the role of Adam tonight. And he could see it in her eyes, both now and at the club, that there never was an Andrea either. He made a decision, and he sure as hell hoped getting this close to her wasn't the wrong one.
"Yeah, it's good," she replied. "Because Elliot and Olivia can stay friends and nothing changes between them."
"Not exactly why I thought it was good, Liv," he said, reaching out and brushing a stray curl behind her ear. "I think it's good because I never wanted our first kiss to be in some bar as a show for some disgusting piece of trash. I always thought our first kiss would go a little more like this."
And then, he dipped his head and placed a soft, sweet kiss to her mouth, cradling the back of her head and reaching down to connect their other hands, and place them right over his heart.
When he pulled back her eyes were a little glassy, and he couldn't really read what she was thinking.
"And since Adam and Andrea went a little farther than they should have in a club, but not Elliot and Olivia," he said. "There won't be any pressure if I ask you to stay here with me tonight, order a bunch of room service the department has to pay for, and rent some really ridiculous movie to fall asleep to."
"El we shouldn't," she said.
"We won't," he said. "Because Adam and Andrea had been married a long time, they needed a little spice in their lives. But Elliot and Olivia have been friends for a long time, and I wouldn't even dream of doing any more than pigging out and holding you while you sleep until we've gone on a couple proper dates, and I've gotten the green light from your bodyguard, Noah. I mean, not that he'd know exactly what he'd be green lighting, not for a few years anyway. But you get what I mean."
It was the part about Noah where he saw her resolve completely crack.
"Italy turned you into a smooth talker," she said, half smiling.
She turned around and pulled her hair to the side, revealing her dress zipper.
"Help me get out of this thing so I can get into sweats and we can have an old fashioned junk food night," she said.
His fingers gently tugged the metal down, over the curve of her butt until the two sides were split open, and he noticed the scar in the shape of a house key right at the small of her back. When she turned around, she must have seen the perplexity on his face, and it didn't register to her right away why he looked like that. But then her hand flew to her back and she went pale.
"Olivia," he said through a shaky voice. "How'd you get that?"
"I don't want to ruin the evening," she said.
"You won't," he said.
"Oh, trust me," she said. "It will."
"How about we change," he said. "You can have the bathroom. And then when we're done, if you decide to tell me, I'll listen. If not, I'll pretend I didn't see it."
She nodded and grabbed her things and ran into the bathroom, and he wondered if he inadvertently ruined what they could have had before it even began.
I'll let you in against my better judgement
Wishing I could love you, love you, love you
With somebody else's heart
Somebody else's heart, somebody else's heart
Olivia was stalling in the bathroom. She'd been surprised by the sweet and gentle kiss, touched by the fact that Elliot, while clearly thinking what they had done tonight at the club wasn't just for the cover, had bigger plans for treating her like a lady and getting to know Noah before taking things any further.
But now that he'd seen one of her scars, and asked about what happened, all bets were off.
She couldn't not tell him, but she secretly wished he never had to know.
She looked at herself in the mirror, and it was no longer Andrea Walker staring back. It was Olivia Benson, flawed, scarred and all. And she knew if she was ever going to have a real relationship with Elliot, he had to see her for who she truly was, not the woman he left 10 years ago who had a completely different heart.
She slowly scrubbed off all the makeup she'd used to hide her visible scars and redressed in her sweatpants and a tank top before joining Elliot in the bedroom. He was in a t-shirt and sweatpants, had brought up the movie menu on the TV and was scrolling the room service menu on his phone.
"I'm thinking whatever we get to eat we end it with this chocolate mousse pie," Elliot said.
"El, put down the phone and look at me," she said, knowing exactly what he'd see when he did.
She saw his eyes scan her arms and chest, then search her eyes for an answer.
"I don't want to get into everything tonight and ruin what's probably going to be a fun evening," she said. "But here's the short version. I have a lot more scars now, physically and emotionally, than when you left. Many have healed, but some of the emotional ones still hurt from time to time and that's how I knew about your PTSD."
"Please tell me what happened," he said, looking like he wanted to reach for her but he wasn't sure if he should, so she reached for his arm.
"Another night," she said. "Something bad happened about two years after you left, but I survived. It was the hardest thing I ever endured and it was the lowest place in my life. But I came back from it, survived, and found my purpose again when I found Noah. And I'm here with you now. That's all you need to know for tonight."
"What do you mean you found Noah?" he said.
"He's adopted, El," she said. "You didn't know that."
"I mean, he looks like you, minus the eyes," he said.
"What can I say," she said. "I never could say no to a handsome man with blue eyes."
She saw the double meaning register on his face.
"Now, I think you said something about chocolate mousse pie?" she said, lifting his arm around her shoulders and snuggling into his chest to get a better look at the food menu.
She was thankful he didn't bring up the scars, or Noah's adoption, again. They had an amazing night talking, laughing, making fun of the stupid movie, and falling asleep under some thick hotel comforters.
When Olivia woke in the morning, she wasn't surprised, nor sorry to have his left arm wrapped around her waist and her head snuggled into the crook of his neck. Her hand was splayed across his chest, over his heart. As she blinked awake, she noticed she never took off the fake wedding band and engagement ring. She lifted her arm and peaked down to see his hand and noticed he hadn't taken his band off either.
She smiled, realizing that it didn't matter who they were, or who they were pretending to be. Maybe, all along, they were supposed to find their way back to each other, just like this.
With somebody else's heart
A/N: I got this idea at work today, and it just wouldn't leave me alone. Can canon please let them go undercover together again just for a smidge? Just to indulge us? I love your reviews!