Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½™ in any way, shape or form, nor do I own the concept of Red Dwarf™.
Author's Notes: incredible, this story is turning out way more popular than I had ever expected; this might become the spiritual successor to my long-running "Sacrifice ½" story. Anyway, reviewer Shakeval gave me a review in the last chapter that has basically sorted me out for this chapter and chapter 4. However, I ask that you continue voting on the scenarios from the End Author's Notes of chapter 2; the "winner" will become the basis of chapter 5 and possibly a few others after that, though I also ask that you submit your own ideas as to what you want to happen. I apologize for the delay in getting this up, but I had an accident recently and slashed my fingers; they've only just healed enough that I can really type with them.
Chapter 3: Getting To Know Your New Home
Ranma came awake with a considerable degree of confusion. For one thing his father hadn't tossed him out of his futon to commence their "morning sparring". For another he wasn't even in his futon, or even in the Tendo Dojo. He blinked at his surroundings; where was he?
"Good morning Saotome Ranma. I trust you are now recovered from cryogenic stasis?" The smooth, even, mechanical voice that suddenly echoed from all around finally jolted Ranma's brain and reforged the shattered fragments of his memories. Memories of his ambush, of awakening on board this ship and of being told that he and all the others were exiles from Earth poured into his mind, prompting an unconscious moan.
"Are you feeling alright? My records indicate that you, of all people, should be completely purged of cryogen toxins after this period of activation. Perhaps you wish to be directed to the medi-bay?"
"What? No, no, I'm fine. Just, well, it's kinda a bitter pill to swallow, ya know?"
"Yes, the emotional turmoil resulting from such a rejection by your peers must be devastating. Have something to eat; you need the nourishment and it'll take your mind off things."
"Uh… okay." Ranma said, a little disconcerted. He turned his attention away from the ceiling, which he had been staring at for lack of a better place to direct his eyes, and turned towards the strange panel in the wall, above which was installed a small plaque with the words "Food Dispenser" carved into it.
"Now then, how do you work this thing?"
His absent-minded question must have started some program, because a set of lights suddenly flashed into life, giving the panel the appearance of eyes as a buzzing, neutral voice suddenly thrummed into existence.
"Good morning. It is 9:15AM Ship Time. How may this unit assist you?"
Ranma blinked and flinched back, startled despite himself. When the machine failed to attack he cautiously spoke to it again.
"Uh… what precisely are you? What do you do?"
"This unit is Food Dispenser #7349-XC/beta2. This unit's function is to provide food or liquid refreshments as specified by the user, which is you. What is your order?"
"Okay… what can you give me?"
"This unit is capable of producing any foodstuff or beverage that is programmed into its databanks. This unit has been programmed with all commonly known recipes of Earth."
"Alright… in that case, let's try something simple. Um, a bowl of beef ramen?"
The dispenser's lights flashed and flickered for several seconds, accompanied by a humming noise which prompted Ranma to quickly and cautiously back away. Then, the lights stopped and the panel slid open with a faint swishing noise, followed by a soft whirring as a tray jutted out from between the "doors". On the tray, was a bowl of steaming-hot beef ramen, a pair of fresh chopsticks neatly beside it. Ranma carefully picked up the bowl and, as the tray slid back into the panel and the panel slid shut, took a cautious mouthful. And beamed in delight; it was delicious. Seconds later, the bowl was empty and Ranma was looking at the dispenser again. Apparently reacting to Ranma's gaze, it spoke again.
"Now that you have finished your meal you may return your eating materials to this unit, or to any nearby Food Dispenser unit."
It slid out its tray again and Ranma placed the empty bowl and chopsticks back onto the tray, which disappeared again into the panel.
"Um, could I have some more?"
"Naturally. What would you like?"
"Same again please."
The dispenser whirred again and ejected another bowl of beef ramen, which Ranma took with a grin. Maybe living here wouldn't be so bad after all…
Some time later, Ranma's door 'whooshed' open and Ranma emerged, a smile on his face at the rare feeling of having actually eaten until he was full. Now that his hunger was assuaged, it was time to explore.
Though Ranma had no way of knowing it, he wasn't the only Nerimite exploring their new home. Ryoga was also up and about, though he was also –as always- completely lost; his personal scuzz-bot had apparently wandered off in the night and now he couldn't find it.
"Gah! Where is it? How could something like that just disappear- it isn't like it could get up and walk away!"
"Actually, it could and it clearly did." Came the computer's voice.
"…Shut up." Was Ryoga's witty reply. The computer sighed, and a person smarter than Ryoga probably would have wondered how that was possible.
"If you just keep going straight, there's a cluster of scuzz-bots. One of them is the unit I assigned to you."
Ryoga instantly started running, only to screech to a halt roughly thirty seconds later. There, standing in a small group and doing absolutely nothing, were four scuzz-bots. Ryoga stepped into their midst and paused, trying to figure out which was which as Tatewaki and Kodachi came walking up.
"Um… is this my scuzz-bot?"
"No, that's your scuzz-bot. This is my scuzz-bot."
"No, I think it's mine."
"One side plebeians, this scuzz-bot is in truth the rightful property of the Blue Thunder!"
As the teens began to argue, the computer sighed.
"Note to self: give each assigned scuzz-bot a particular paintjob."
Roughly an hour of exploration later, Ranma finally encountered someone; none other than Akane Tendo.
"Yo Akane, where did you come from?"
"I'm… not too sure. I've been walking for almost an hour."
"Yeah, this place is huge. Pity we don't have a map or anything like that."
"What do you need a map for? You can simply call out to me." Came the computer's voice.
"You mean you can help us find our way around?" asked Akane in a disbelieving tone.
"Uh huh. I can also tell you the exact location of the other occupants of this ship."
"Prove it. Where's Ukyo?"
"Kuonji Ukyo is currently moving through corridor 7G in Sector Gimmel. Next question?"
"Where are the Kunos?"
"Since when do you care about the Kunos Ranma?"
"I don't, I want to know where they are so that I can stay aware from them."
"Kuno Tatewaki is currently haunting the multiplex cinema in Sector Vegas, watching the Seven Samurai. Kuno Kodachi is in the gym in the same sector. Before you follow up, Shan Pu is in her quarters listening to a soundtrack of traditional Joketsuzoku music and Mu Tsu is in a tutorage chamber."
"Okay, so where's Ryoga?"
"Hibiki Ryoga is currently… stuck in one of the aft torpedo tubes? How the heck did he get in there? Oh well, do you wish me to jettison him?"
"No! I mean, hmm… actually…"
"Ranma!" Akane shrieked in shock. When he didn't even flicker in his contemplations she quickly drew her trusty mallet from subspace, which definitely caught Ranma's attention.
"I was just kidding Akane, it was just a joke!" he babbled, waving his hands frantically to try and appease her- in vain. She smirked sightly as she dispatched her hammer before spinning on her heel and walking away, a haughty sniff and the words "some joke" trailing behind her. The computer heaved a sigh, one of sufficient tone it conveyed that, were it possible to do so, it would have sweatdropped at Ranma and Akane's actions.
"What have I gotten myself into? The programmer was right; I should have been an automatic coffee machine."
After Ranma regained consciousness, the computer decided that the best way to keep fights to a minimum was to distract the Nerimites. First of all, he invited Ranma (read: conjured a horde of scuzz-bots and had them drag him through the ship) to the ship's dojo.
"So this is the dojo, is it? I gotta say, it don't look like much." Said Ranma, looking rather disdainfully at the large, empty room. His ruminations were disrupted by the smooth, even tones of the computer.
"I assure you, this dojo is well stocked. It is equipped with, among other things, voice-activated environmental recreation units and gravity modulation."
"Huh?"
"Basically, you can increase or decrease the gravity levels of this chamber with a voice command."
"What good would that do? And what are those enviro-thingamabobs?"
"The primary usage for gravity modulation is to train under conditions of increased gravity. Due to the greater pull, far more effort must be expended to achieve the desired results, thus heightening the development of musculature. The environmental recreation units utilise hard-light holograms to replicate various forms of environment so as to aid in specialised training. For example; spring forest."
The words had no sooner slipped into the air than the room began to shimmer, changing before Ranma's eyes so that the sterile white emptiness was replaced with green. The temperature altered to a slight increase in warmth and the stereotypical sounds of a forest began filtering into the chamber as trees literally shot up from the ground. Roughly a heartbeat later, Ranma was standing in the middle of what was, to all intents and purposes, a genuine forest.
"Woah." Ranma couldn't help it; it simply slipped out. The computer chuckled lightly before speaking again.
"In addition, the dojo can also recreate specific opponents that have been pre-programmed into the system. For example; rabid grizzly bear."
Ranma blinked; had he really heard the computer say what he thought it had said? A sudden warm breeze on the back of his neck alerted him before a bestial roar confirmed that, yes; the computer had indeed sicced a rabid grizzly on him. Well-honed instincts instantly decided his course of action, sending Ranma cannoning forwards as a deadly set of claws arced through the air where he had been. Ranma caught himself with a single hand to the floor/ground, spinning himself around in mid air so that he landed on his feet facing the drooling brute. As it bellowed and charged forward, he charged to meet it, a grin on his face.
"Man, now this is a dojo!"
Meanwhile, elsewhere, Ukyo was wandering casually through the many corridors and passageways of her new home, idly taking in the scenery as she went. She walked straight past yet another chamber, then stopped and backtracked to confirm that yes, it was indeed occupied, by none other than Mousse, who was sitting at a desk wearing a pair of headphones. Her curiosity piqued, she called out to him.
"Hey Mousse, whatcha doing?" asked Ukyo. For a second she thought the Chinese boy hadn't heard her, a valid thought considering the headphones covering his ears and the industrious way he was scribbling away with what were essentially an electronic pen and paper. However, after several seconds, he pressed a button on the table, slid back his headphones and looked up at her.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"I asked what you were doing. You were pretty focused there."
"Oh! I was studying."
"Studying? You mean like schoolwork? Why would you need to study?"
Mousse snorted before retorting to Ukyo's words, seemingly offended.
"Just because I come from Joketsuzoku doesn't mean I'm an idiot! If you must know I was studying astro-navigation."
Ukyo blinked in confusion at Mousse's answer.
"Astro-navigation? You mean like driving? As in, driving a spaceship?"
"Yes."
The blank, even tone with which he said it and neutrally serious expression on his face killed off any reply Ukyo could have thought. After several minutes of rather uncomfortable silence, Mousse returned to his studies as Ukyo wandered off, shaking her head as she went. Mousse, flying a spaceship? As if!
Okay, finally got this done. Typing is a lot slower when you basically can only use one hand. I sure hope this chapter was all right, I feel that I wasn't up to my usual standards writing this. Anyway, I got a couple of requests I'd like input on, as well as asking you to continue "voting" for those scenarios from the last chapter.
Firstly, I'd like you to suggest a name for the computer (gives him a bit more of a personality) and suggest paintjobs for the "assigned" scuzz-bots (that is, the ones that have been specifically assigned to the Nerimites). Secondly, I need to figure out which of the Nerimites will become the new pilot/navigation officer (I know I had Mousse studying for that in this chapter, but that was mostly for comedy) and the new science officer. Please tell me who you think would be best. Finally, I have another potential scenario to use; so I'm asking if you want me to use it or not.
Basically, the Nerimites "pick-up" an alien girl, who comes from a species that has strength/endurance equal to Ryoga's, as well as Ryoga's sense of direction. When she finds out Ryoga is on the ship, she flips out. Turns out her father crashed on earth prior to her and Ryoga's births, and he made a deal with Ryoga's father that their children would get married. So now Ryoga has to try and persuade an amorous alien girl to leave him alone, not easy considering Akane, Ranma and Kuno are trying to persuade him to go with the girl while Shampoo, Mousse, Kodachi and Ukyo are trying to "persuade" her to leave him alone.
If you want me to use this scenario, then I need the following bits of advice:
-Name for the girl and her species.
-Appearance of the girl; other than the fact she's what the TFOS game would describe as a Very-Near Human (like most of the E.T. characters from Urusei Yatsura), I got nothing on her
-Whether you want her and Ryoga to get together or not
-Whether you want her to stay on the Blue Giant or leave back into space