(I'm sorry for the long wait, I've been super busy but I'm never gonna stop writing. It's kinda therapeutic and I enjoy it. So you don't have to worry about me not completing this or any other story, I also have some on the back burner!)

The brunette stared at the apartment door in front of him, his talk with Zane fresh in his mind. He spilled everything, the guilt he felt over Haou's death, the crush he developed on the man who loved his twin. He didn't hold anything back especially the kiss he had received that morning. It was a true mess; Jaden ruffled his hair with a groan. Everything was getting complicated and Zane suggested he should move himself to a hotel but part of him couldn't leave just yet.

With a deep breath he entered the apartment only to be greeted by bright green eyes right in front of him. It took Jesse a second to realize he was standing way to close, the bluenette took a step back. Jaden slinked around him with a small nervous smile on his lips.

"Why were you standing by the door?"

Jesse's eyes widened a bit "Well, um I was in the kitchen and when I looked out the window I saw you walk up" Green eyes darted down to the floor as his cheeks flushed pink "You took so long to come in I got worried."

A smile tugged at the Rockstar's lips "I'm fine, thanks for worrying though."

The bluenette's eyes lit up making those green orbs look like emeralds. Jaden felt his heart skip a small beat as his cheeks flushed. They stood there just staring at each other in awkward silence till a rapid beating broke their attention. The Norwegian rushed into the kitchen muttering unfamiliar words under his breath. The brunette tilted his head slightly curious to what his new companion was doing.

"I made dinner" Jesse put a large soup pot in the middle of the dining room table.

Jaden's head tilted slightly as he looked out the window, he was shocked by how dark it was. Had he truly not noticed time slip by that fast? He turned back to Jesse who was already shouting for his brother to come join them. He didn't know if he could handle being around Mamoru but knowing Jesse was there made his anxiety settle a bit.

"I'll go put my stuff away real quick" Jaden shrugged off his coat.

He received a nod as a answer as the table was set. Moving down the small hallway he stopped part the way. Mamoru was in front of him looking awful, he had bags under his eyes and he looked panicked.

"Can I talk to you real quick?"

Jaden was really against the idea at first but he couldn't bring himself to say no. the brunette nodded and they both moved into the guest room. Mamoru was silent at first which made the other uncomfortable. Being in his line of work Jaden was used to awkward situations, so he handled like he would the others. Mustering up some fake confidence he swung his jacket over the desk chair. He then hopped up sitting on the elevated bed and with a deadpanned face, he met the blonde's glance.

Mamoru flinched with that dead look he truly was identical to Haou but he guessed this was just a front Jaden was using to protect himself. He couldn't blame the kid; he had acted in appropriately twice. He felt terrible for the brunette being in this situation.

"About this morning" Mamoru's voice was strained "I'm sorry."

Jaden clenched his hands slightly hoping it would go unnoticed "Why?"

Mamoru's lifted his head quickly not truly sure if the waver he heard in the other's voice was real or not.

"Excuse m-"

"Why did you do it?!" Jaden realized he said that louder than he wanted.

Mamoru rubbed his face with his hands and sighed "You and your brother truly are identical."

The brunette twitched, he hated people saying that no matter if he was mad at his brother or not.

"I thought you were Haou" Mamoru looked away "I'm sorry"

"He's been gone for a year!" the anger was starting to rise in the twin.

"I know, I just can't seem to get him out of my head"

Why did it hurt to hear that? He was happy some one was around to love his brother even if he was angry at him. So why did Mamoru's devotion to him hurt so much? Maybe it's because deep down he wished some one would look at him like that. He's never had a true relationship, anyone who he dated ending up using him cause he was famous but his brother had a taste of something real.

He shook his head, that couldn't have been it he never really cared for that kind of feeling before. He looked over at the blonde, in the time of knowing him could Jaden have developed feelings for him? But that was wrong, Mamoru belonged to Haou. The brunette bit his lip feeling the anxiety rise, he needed to be alone.

"Can you leave me alone for a bit?"

Mamoru was sure now; he heard the broken waver of the others voice. His dual-colored eyes glanced over at the boy to see panic rising. He stepped forward wanting to help but when the boy flinched away he decided against it. Giving up he left Jaden alone in the room.

A sob broke from the brunette's neck, he didn't understand himself. Why should he care how Mamoru felt for his brother? The blonde was kind and smart, his smile warm and in a year of texts and calls he has gotten to know him so well. Jaden never found it hard to click with people he reminded himself of that, this was nothing new. Yet he couldn't help but feel that the blonde was different.

Even if he accepted he had feelings for him the thought of Haou came back to him. No matter how messy their relationship was he could never feel right, it would feel like betraying his brother and he would never want to do that. Plus he would be nothing more than a replacement and that hurt the most.

Back in high school his friends would often get the two of them confused. Syrus would always run up to Haou for help thinking he was Jaden. Alexis would subtly try to flirt with him, which Jaden wouldn't of know she had a crush on him if it wasn't for Haou. Chazz would pick fights with his twin, Haou hated being called a slacker. Atticus would try to get Haou to sing with him and that always ended in the twins fighting.

The only friends he had that never confused them was Tyranno and Syrus' older brother Zane. Then again those two were some of the smartest kids in school.

"Why should I care about how Haou would have felt he's gone" He ran his fingers through his hair.

His mind filled with all the memories of Haou yelling at him for his dreams. He called them pointless and a waste of time, he even told Jaden he wasn't good enough. He called him a bum and a slacker; he treated his twin like a loser so why should he care?

Brown orbs drifted to the box that sat next to the bed full of letters, the letters Haou meant to send to apologize to him. There was one letter sitting on the top that the Brunette never opened. Reaching out he grasped the envelope and ripped it open. Haou always used fancy cursive writing, much different to Jaden's chicken scratch.

Jaden,

I'm terrible at opening up, you know that better than others. i wrote what felt like a million letters with half baked apologies and flimsy excuses but I never sent them. We've lost so much time, I never wanted to be so separated from you. The day of graduation, our biggest fight… I'm sorry I never should have lashed out at you. When I saw you crying I wanted to kill myself especially since I promised to always protect you.

You were never a loser; you deserve all the happiness of the world and I was just being cruel. Your not smart but your kind and confident and those were things I wasn't. you made friends so easily were I couldn't stand others; you were so much better than me. I tried to kill your dream because I was scared, I wanted you to get everything in the world and music can be so difficult.

That doesn't excuse all the things I said, I love you singing. I love the energy you put into every performance and interview. I love that you can dance like no one is watching. I love the stupid little thing you would do so people didn't confuse us, like putting highlights in your hair or getting piercings.

I know I'm not gonna send this letter to you but it will be the last I write. The concert your having in our hometown for the holidays, I'm gonna be there. I'm going to apologize to you in person. I got you a gift and I hope you'll accept it, I wanna be close again.

Jaden's eyes widen, every time he starts to think Haou was terrible he finds something new to change his mind. He smiled to himself, he needed to stop doubling back. Haou cared about him, Mamoru made sure he knew that. Hell his twin died trying to see him in concert and repair their relationship.

That thought made the brunette freeze, he completely forgot why Haou had crashed in the first place. It was for him, he acted stupid to see Jaden, it was his fault his twin was gone.

It was his fault Mamoru lost the love of his life.

It was his fault he no longer had his brother.

It was his fault his parents lost a son.

It was all his fault.

The panic was back as his mind assaulted him, his legs pulled close to his chest as his fingers laced into his hair. There was no escape now from the thoughts that came up.

After all he was the asshole, was he looking for a reason to hate Haou after seeing how much his twin actually cared? Did he want Haou to be the permanent Villain in his mind? That wasn't fair especially since it was his fault Haou died.

A sob broke from the brunette, he didn't even notice another individual enter his room. A small clank hit the nightstand as a bowl of what smelled like stew filled the room. A strong hand then rubbed the brunettes back slowly trying to calm him. Jaden turned his head to the side to glance up only to be greeted by Jesse's worried face. The bluenette reached forward with his free hand and wiped away the tears from his brown eyes.

"Want to talk about it?"

Jaden debated it for a second but since he couldn't bother his manager again he moved to sit up. He slid over a bit so Jesse could sit next to him on the bed. With a small smile the Norwegian hoped up and sat down then continued to rub the others back.

"What's on your mind?"

"I killed him" Jaden whimpered "It's my fault Haou died."

"It's not your fault Jay, it was his choice to drive in that weather."

"But if I had reached out to him sooner, he wouldn't have had to" Jaden argued.

"That's not a guarantee, Haou was stubborn" Jesse smiled "He probably would have gone no matter what."

"I could have talked him out of it" He mumbled.

"Have you ever successfully talked him out of something?"

Thinking back on it, Jaden was never able to convince Haou not to do something. They were both stubborn in nature, they got it from their father.

"Your right" Jaden pouted.

"But that's not all that's bothering you" Jesse had hit the nail on the head.

Jaden didn't know how much he could tell Jesse but he felt he could tell him anything. There could be a line that he would cross but he needed some one other than his own head to talk to.

"I don't understand my feelings" he started slowly "I'm happy my brother had some one as nice as Mamoru in his life."

Jesse just nodded following along for the time being, Jaden on the other hand was struggling.

"For some reason when Mamoru gets me confused with Haou" Jaden took a deep breath "It hurts, I mean I've never been a fan of us being confused but this feels different."

This took the Norwegian back a bit but he wanted to help the brunette so he kept his mouth shut.

"We've texted and called each other quite frequently in the past year" Jaden smiled "I've gotten to know him so well."

"You developed feeling for him" Jesse guessed he was right by the way Jaden flinched.

"He only loves Haou, I know that but after that one night stand I figured maybe he could grow to love me"

This was the first the bluenette heard of the one night stand, he was shocked his brother would do something like that. It was out of character, Mamoru was never comfortable with intimacy and it took a while to get close to him. He was more of a romantic so one night stands were never a thing for him.

"But I hate that idea because it's either I'm a replacement or I'm stealing him from Haou" Jaden sighed "I kept trying to make Haou to be a Villain in my mind to justify my actions."

"But you realize he loved you so you can't demonetize him"

Jaden nodded slightly, tears threatening to spill over again "I don't want to hate him again, he doesn't deserve that." Jaden wiped his tears "I thought I was pass this."

Jesse soaked in all the information, unconsciously he wrapped both arms around the brunette. He pulled him into a tight hug as the rock star cried. He's been a fan of the musician ever since he debuted. So he followed a lot of the media, he thought back to all the relationships he's been in. each one was always greatly published and each one burned up in flames.

The famous male never had luck in love, even went so far as to cover it up by saying he never genuinely cared for those kind of feelings in interviews. Jesse could always see the pain in those chocolate orbs.

"Jay maybe your jealous" He rubbed the boy's back "Mamoru and Haou had something you could never understand."

Curious the brunette lifted his head, tears still in his eyes as he looked into Jesse's emerald orbs "What do you mean?"

"Maybe it's not that you genuinely love my brother but more along the lines is you want what your brother had" Jesse hummed in thought "Maybe that year of getting closer your mind warped into thinking that this could be the real thing."

"Why would you think that?" Jaden narrowed his eyes at the male.

"your past and the fact to try so hard to forget that Haou cared about you" Jesse looked down at the confused boy "Jay I think you need help recovering from more than losing your brother."

Jaden's eyes widen, he never thought he had that big of a problem with how he handled things.

"You push things down and don't deal with them, you much rather pretend your ok than bother others with your problems."

Jaden couldn't argue with that one, he's always been like that. He always pretended he was fine, he never wanted Haou or his friends to worry.

"Are you a psychologist?"

"I have a minor in it" Jesse grinned "I wanna help you but you have to be willing to let me."

Jaden thought it over, Zane did say he should do whatever he could to help himself. His manager had that annoying ability of always being right. If Jesse was offering to help him sort out his shit than he should do it.

"Ok Jess, help me out" Jaden pulled away "I need to fix myself and get back to my own life."

The bluenette smiled, Jaden had the most magnetic personality he's known that from seeing him in concerts but feeling it in person was different. Reaching towards the nightstand he picked up the bowl of stew and held it out to his new friend.

"You haven't eaten yet."

As if on cue Jaden's stomach growled making both boys laugh, The panic subsided and Jesse stayed by Jaden's side that night.