Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½™ in any way, shape or form, nor do I own the concept of Red Dwarf™.
Author's Notes: you know, this chapter almost didn't come out. I simply didn't think that enough people were reading this story to make it worth the time and effort. Remember; I rely on reviews to tell me whether or not my writings are being read- insufficient reviews means I'll stop writing. This is not a threat, this is not blackmail, and it is not intended to come off as such. It's just a statement.
Finally, just something I need to clear up: in regards to the "Alien Hitchhiker" storyline, don't suggest characters from other series, please. I know what I want for her personality and background; I just need advice on what she looks like. Besides which, I really want to try and avoid crossovers with this storyline- I recall some reviewers said that Sacrifice ½ went downhill after I crossed it over with the Slayers.
Oh, and before I forget, one more thing I seem to need to remind you all of: my writings take place SOLELY in the anime universe. That means no failed wedding, no Saffron, no Musk, no Umisenken. Just seems I need to point that out.
Chapter 5: Oh Ye of Fickle Faith, Part 2
"Access denied."
"Why you! How dare you refuse entry to the Black Rose of Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics! I demand that you let me in at once!"
"Access denied." The computer replied as Kodachi fumed in rage, even going so far as to sulkily kick the bottom of the door, which still refused to open. She glared at it, too distracted to notice as the wheezing, grime-covered Ryoga pushed out a grill and squeezed himself through the square opening from one of the ventilation shafts, unfortunately failing to notice he was in the roof until he was far enough out of the shaft that gravity succeeded in pulling him to the floor. Once his legs toppled over from their position above his head, he pulled himself to his feet, absently rubbing the bruise from where he had landed on his face.
"Hey Kodachi. What's wrong?" he asked, more out of instinctual habit than any actual desire to speak to the Kuno girl. Kodachi blinked twice, first when she recognized he was present and a second time when she took in his appearance. She shook her head and resumed glaring at the door whilst speaking to Ryoga in an absent-minded tone of voice.
"This wretched machine refuses to grant me entrance into this chamber. How dare it resist the will of Kodachi 'The Black Rose' Kuno!" A bead of nervous sweat trickled down Ryoga's neck as he watched Kodachi began raging again.
"Just what is that room anyway?" He didn't realise he'd spoken aloud until the computer answered him.
"This chamber contains the chemistry laboratory."
Ryoga blinked twice in confusion, then his eyes widened as he mentally completed the equation of Kodachi plus chemicals. Quickly he tried to come up with something to distract her- nobody in their right mind wanted Kodachi let loose with who-knew-what chemicals.
"Say, where's Ranma? I haven't seen him for a while?" He chose not to mention that he hadn't seen Ranma because he'd been hiking through the engines for at least half of the last two weeks. He unconsciously scratched a peeling burn-scab, the result of being too close when some unknown –to him anyway- gadget had started spewing flames. Kodachi started to walk away, apparently losing interest with the content of the chemistry laboratory and not wanting to be around Ryoga. As she left, she casually spoke aloud, uncaring whether or not Ryoga heard her.
"Ranma went out in a spaceship with that foreign peasant Shampoo, supposedly taking some sort of test. We don't know where they are or what they're doing though." Ryoga's jaw dropped and he stared after her in shock.
"And you're okay with that?"
"Why would I be worried? I mean; it's not like anything could be wrong…"
Electrical fires buzzed and crackled as Shampoo heaved aside a chunk of debris with a soft grunt. Ranma emerged from the inner chambers of the demolished ship with what he managed to salvage of the emergency supplies, shaking his head as he came into the pale sunlight.
"It was a miracle we survived that crash."
"Miracle nothing. You two are truly skilled pilots. You will receive full licenses when we return to the Blue Giant." Spoke the computer from a comm-watch now strapped to Ranma's wrist; the crash had evidentially knocked a few circuits loose, and the distance probably wasn't helping, as the computer's voice was now very erratic, constantly jumping in tone and pitch and occasionally skipping through words, with the annoying crackle of static overlaying everything. Shampoo snorted at its words.
"If we such good pilots, then why we crash?"
"Accidents happen… not to mention that the crash wasn't your fault. Someone deliberately interfered with the ship's systems; they wanted us to crash."
"Whoever 'they' are…" said Ranma, staring at the alien vista now stretching before his eyes. Shampoo, giving up her evidentially futile search for further supplies, joined him at staring at the vast jungle and towering spires of bizarrely moulded stone before them. After a few seconds spent in equal parts wondering about the future and simply enjoying being in Ranma's company without any of the usual chaos, Shampoo spoke up.
"So now what we do?"
"The ship's a wreck, and the comm-systems look to be fried –that's really more your department than mine anyway- so we don't have much choice. We start walking and see if we can find whoever the hell made us crash. Maybe they'll have a ship we can take, or a communications array."
"And if they don't?"
"At least we can kick the snot out of them for dragging us here."
Shampoo nodded at the irrefutable veracity of that statement, then followed Ranma as he started walking. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to them and in complete ignorance of the nightmarish situation (nightmarish by their reckonings anyway) Ranma and Shampoo were experiencing; the other Nerimites were engaged in a life-and-death struggle of a completely different sort…
"I'll take three cards."
"Ooh, a risk-taker are we Ukyo?" chuckled Mousse as he slid the cards across to her. Not even looking up from her contemplation, Ukyo simply added the cards to the bunch she already had, studying her new hand with fierce intensity as Kuno and Akane did the same. Kodachi and Ryoga, who'd only just come onto the scene, blinked at the sight of the Nerima Wrecking Crew playing poker. As they watched, cards were dealt and rejected and chips were slid across the table to join the growing pile in the center. The players didn't seem to notice Kodachi and Ryoga's presence, until she coughed loudly and deliberately. Then Kuno's (still-bandaged) head lifted from his study of his cards.
"Oh, greetings sister. And to you to Fanged Wanderer. Do you wish to join in this most excellent game of chance and pit your luck against that of the Blue Thunder?"
Ryoga blinked as he tried to figure out precisely what Kuno had just said, whilst Kodachi immediately seated herself at the table, Ryoga slowly following her example.
On the planetoid, Ranma and Shampoo charged headlong as, mere inches behind them, a massive swarm of small, green, fuzzy, monkey-like things came in their wake, snapping and snarling. They would have almost been cute, if not for the plethora of huge fangs lining their gaping maws and their three-inch long talons. Squeaking with bloodlust, they chased Ranma and Shampoo through the jungle, until the martial artists found themselves faced with a mountain too steep for them to climb. As the fuzzy hordes closed in around them, they turned their backs to the wall, determined to take as many of these repugnant creatures with them as possible.
Just when they'd thought their final hour had come though, a glowing orb of sparkling golden light suddenly fell from the air into the midst of the shrieking monkey-kin, exploding with sufficient force to vaporise at least a third of the abominations. As Ranma and Shampoo blinked in shock, twin beams of crimson energy lanced down from above, striking creature after creature and burning them all to ash and cinders. Within seconds the creatures that had been about to eat Ranma and Shampoo were either dead or fleeing back into the jungle. They blinked, but they weren't out of the woods yet. Two thin blue tentacles dropped from the sky now, coiling around their limbs and entwining about their torsos too fast for either Ranma or Shampoo to react before they pulled them into the air.
Seconds later, they were at the top of the mountain, staring as their saviour retracted the tentacles –in actuality, two of his right hand's fingers- which he had used to bring them to him. They had never seen anything like him in their lives, and they had seen a lot of strange things before. In appearance, he was a muscular male humanoid, wearing nothing but a sort of loincloth made from rags, with dark blue skin. Scattered across his body were strange, pulsating mouth-like orifices, which opened and closed in a semi-rhythm. His hair consisted of a mass of fleshy tentacles, vaguely reminiscent of a tree's branches, whilst his long toes resembled tree-roots. He smirked at them as they stared at him, trying to figure out what to say. After all, he had just saved them, and he was an actual alien- shouldn't they try to make a good impression?
"Greetings. My congratulations on making it this far; most who crash on this wretched mudball of a planet don't survive half as long as you have."
Ranma and Shampoo started; sure, they did it all the time on TV, but what were the odds of an alien lifeform actually speaking a human language? The creature could evidentially interpret the looks on their faces, as it spoke again.
"The ability to speak any form of spoken language in the universe is one of my special gifts. I am Judogwi; who are you?"
"I am Ranma, and this is Shampoo. Where are we?"
"If this filthy world has a name, I haven't discovered it yet. You may not realise it, but you are quite fortunate to have found me. Until now, I have been the only one to survive here."
"Yeah, those freaky monkey-things looked real dangerous."
"The Chituri? They are pests, compared to some of the other lifeforms that haunt this place. The worst are the Magtheries; the local equivalent of sentient lifeforms. They are brutal, primitive and superstitious creatures, who see it as their sacred duty to hunt down all who crash here and sacrifice them to their 'god'."
"You seem to know an awful lot about the way things are here." Said Ranma in a suspicious tone. Judogwi snorted disdainfully.
"And so I should. I have been trapped here for the best part of two centuries."
"Two hundred years!"
"Yes. I, like you, once travelled the cosmos, but then I made the unfortunate mistake of drawing near this planet. You see, the Magtheries god possesses some strange technology that affects interplanetary flight; nothing can fly near this world without being dragged inescapably to its surface. Throughout my entrapment, I have attempted to penetrate his defences so that I could put an end to him and escape this horrible place. But, until now, my efforts have been in vain. However, you two seem to possess considerable fighting skills yourself. Perhaps you will consider forming an alliance with me to discover a way to escape?"
You didn't need to be a rocket scientist to figure out Ranma and Shampoo's reaction.
To Be Continued…
Okay, sorry to drag this out into a three-parter, but this chapter's taken long enough to get out, plus there's something I need to ask. In case it isn't obvious, Judogwi is a martial artist of the DBZ style, and I was wondering if maybe I should have him teach the NWC -or at least Ranma and Shampoo- some of his own "super-martial arts tricks"? If so, should he do so whilst they're stuck on the planet or should he "move in" to the Blue Giant and teach them there?
On a final note, Judgowi's name and appearance are "borrowed" from that of the villain of an obscure OAV I happen to own. Can anyone guess what that OAV is?