By headupintheclouds
"How has he changed?" Lily asked defensively.
"Loads of ways!" replied Remus, exasperated, throwing his arms up in a helpless motion.
Lily looked apologetic, but shrugged miserably.
"Loads of ways. Think about it," Remus alleged.
"He hasn't," Lily denied, but her face was thoughtful.
"You can't mean that honestly!" Remus raged.
"I don't know what you mean," Lily said brokenly.
"Well maybe you should think on it. Good night," Remus sighed.
Lily stepped forward, engulfing Remus, wrapping her long, thin arms around him, against her wishes. Forcing herself, she reached up, closing her eyes, and tilting her chin up. She waited for the feel of his lips on hers.
Remus, appalled not only by the forwardness of this action, but also the fact that he knew she was lying to herself.
"Don't do this to yourself, Lils," he said gruffly, pushing her off and looking her straight in her now-opened eyes.
"James won't hurt you," he whispered, then disappeared before she could be sure he'd spoken.
Sinking down the wall, Lily wondered how she could have pushed Remus like that. How could she have even pretended to think of him that way?
She started to chew on her thumb nail nervously, considering Remus' words. She ran through the sequence of events with Potter since the start of term, and although she didn't think he'd changed much, she could see how Remus could be led to believe so.
In fact, James hadn't asked her out in a while. This thought hit her, causing her to bite her own nail so hard that it started to bleed, although she hardly noticed.
A guilty feeling arose in the pit of her stomach, and she pulled herself up.
The next morning, Lily didn't bother to haul herself from her bed, feeling vaguely nauseous and her head aching. Glancing at the clock, she realized it was nearly ten, and she'd missed almost two lessons, but this thought didn't speed her up.
Laying back into the hollow of her pillows, she listened hard, and she heard a hazy thump next door, followed by what she supposed was vulgar language. James hadn't gone down to classes either.
Springing up suddenly, Lily hopped over compiled clothing, and reached her desk. Pulling out a fresh leaf of parchment, she sat down, her eye brows furrowing. A thought came to her, and she snatched her quill, dipped it in ink, then brought it to hover over the parchment.
Deciding that those words were to forward, she lifted the quill, and watched as a drop of ink that had dropped from her quill spread out, sinking into the think parchment.
Another thought pounced on her, and she jumped into a writing permission, before she decided that these words were too unkind.
Many, many possible openers later, she settled on two words, words who fit her feelings completely, exactly, and surprisingly. They were cliché, over-used, and so typical, but she couldn't think of any other way to communicate her feelings.
Carefully bending over her parchment, she nibbled her lip as she scrawled,
I'm sorry.
Feeling unexpectedly giddy, she folded the parchment, creating a crisp crease right through her freshly penned words, and quietly stole down the hall, slipping the parchment under James' closed door.
She heard a flourish of movement, and hurried back to her room.
The door safely closed behind her, she leaned on it to catch her breath, and realized how childish it must seem to him.
Why do I care what he thinks suddenly? She asked herself, but deep inside, looking back upon it, she thought she knew. She thought she always knew, but at the time, the reason seemed to foreign and unfathomable that it didn't even occur to her.
She sprawled on her bed, wondering when she would be answered, and what that answer might conceive of. She heard a door softly opening, and she began to tremble.
Sneaking over to her door, she eagerly awaited a reply, and hope sprang up in her heart. She listened, no sound unnoticed.
Another door, the one across the Common Room, opened and closed, and her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. Angrily, she opened her door and stepped into the Common Room.
Fury filled her. How could he? She seethed. I go to all sorts of lengths to find the right words, and he leaves!
Fuming, she surveyed the room quickly, hoping that perhaps he'd left a note here, but she was disappointed, so she returned to her room and spread out on the bed.
Little more than an hour later, the Common Room portrait door opened again, and she heard a pair of feet enter. Hope rose in her, despite herself, and Lily tiptoed over to her door, hoping that perhaps he might have written a response during his outing.
A neatly folded parchment slid under her door, and Lily snatched it up hungrily.
She waited as steps returned to James' room, and the door opened and closed again. Then, with a whisper-shout of glee, she sprang onto her bed, and opened the parchment slowly, savoring the suspense.
Her eyes were not greeted by the familiar, messy scrawl that belonged to James, but to a host of different writing slants. She recognized the cozy, formal writing that was the only remainder of the pureblood upbringing Sirius had, the barely legible markings of Peter, and the neatly rounded, tidy hand writing that belonged to Remus.
Sirius' message was brief but pointed:
Go. To. Hell.
Lily bit her lip at that, and she could just imagine James recounting the tale to him, and his outrage at her sudden regret. Peter's message was much more timid, but held much the same meaning:
You're a bit too late. Better luck next time.
Only Remus had bothered to write something worth reading, and although it held little advice, Lily snatched at it.
You're going to have to more than that. Much more. I'm surprised at you, being the overachiever that you are. Try harder.
Lily's heart sank as she tried to think of something to win James over, while trying to ignore the irony of the situation: her, Lily Evans, chasing after James Potter, and him turning her down.
A/N: I'm sorry; I've been awful, absolutely dreadful, I wouldn't be surprised if you all wanted to have me publicly beheaded! However, I ask that you don't. Oh, and last time, somebody said I kept doing things everyone expected, so I'd like to thank… checks Jami, and I'll try to work on that. :)
Oh, and the word count for the story was 1,042. My main goal is to keep them over 1,000. If I shoot much higher, I might compromise quality, and a thousand words is really as much as a person can write in one sitting without becoming insane. Speaking of, I nearly am, so see you all later.