Chapter 7

No, you never make it easy
Know it's hard to be strong
But all in good time
I can wait -Waiting, Jake Bugg & Noah Cyrus

Bella

When Jake came over to say goodbye, I couldn't look at him. I assumed the time we'd shared at the theater was just the beginning, and hanging out with him afterward made my heart leap with joy. But he devastated me when he didn't call or come around after that, especially because we'd held hands. I wouldn't let him know I cared about that, though. Perhaps holding hands was only holding hands to him, nothing more. And If he wanted to act like nothing happened, so would I.

Though his disappearance hurt me, it was nothing like the pain I felt from knowing I couldn't see him anymore. I had looked forward to seeing Jacob Black every single day for the past two years. That was the true reason I wouldn't face him. I thought if I did, he'd see how much I cared about him. How much I would miss him. How much I wanted to cry. In all reality, I was afraid I would cry and everyone else would see it, too.

I kept my head down, pretending to be reading a magazine and half heartedly listened to their cheerful conversations. They were all oblivious that, for me, it was the end of the world.

Everyone was wondering about the campus life, the rules, and the ways to keep in touch. I was wondering if he'd find a serious girlfriend and fall in love like Emmett did. Would he turn to someone when he got lonesome for home?

My ears tuned in when Jacob said, "I suppose we could take a cell phone, if anyone has the money for one. I'll try to call you guys when I can, though."

"Jake will be back before we know it," Mom said. "And you could always write to each other."

Emmett and Jake smirked, making not-faces.

She caught it. "Why? Am I missing something? What's wrong with writing?"

"Writing's for wusses," Emmett said. "Girls and wusses."

"Is that a weird rule I don't know about? Guys can't write to guys. That's a stupid rule. Can they at least write to girls?" she asked, looking over at me.

"Why would we want to? That's what texts and emails are for," Emmett said.

"Emails!" She said it as if a light bulb had lit up in her head. "I forgot about those."

"It's the same with computers," Jake said, "too hard to monitor who kids are chatting with. They have a computer lab and we could take laptops if we have one but we're only supposed to use them for schoolwork. So, they say. I think we can email. Quil says they get around some rules all the time."

"Sounds like it sucks," Jasper said.

Jake shrugged. "It must not. Everyone decides to go back."

"I can see why," Emmett said. "All those girls and no parents. I can guess what rules they're getting around."

"Emmett!" Mom said in a raspy voice. She changed her voice back to normal. "Well, there it is. Jake will call and email when he can. And, like I said. You can always keep in touch the old-fashioned way, eh, Jake?"

With a teasing expression, Emmett asked, "Who did you promise that to?"

Jake responded in a flat tone, appearing not to notice the razzing. "Ah... I'm not pen-pal material. I uh... promised no one anything."

His eyes met mine. Sadness, anger, and confusion coiled inside of my heart and mind. What's that supposed to mean? I wouldn't wait around to find out. I stood up, clenching the magazine, and strolled out the back door.

I dragged a lawn chair to the corner nook behind the house to hide from everyone. I wasn't out there long when the sound of Jacob's deep voice interrupted my useless reading. "So, Bella..."

Hardening my expression to mask my sadness, I lifted my head.

"Um... I'm taking off now."

The awkwardness I feared would surface after the movie was as uncomfortable as I'd imagined it to be. I didn't know if I should hug him goodbye or not. If it were Emmett, Jasper, or Seth leaving, I'd hug them. It was remarkable how much confusion and change a couple of hours of handholding brought. In hesitation, I rose to my feet. "Okay. Have a safe trip, and I hope you like your new school."

He took a fast, lengthy stride toward me. "Look, Bella, I'm sorry I didn't come over. I should have. I wish I did."

An abundance of relief seemed to wash over me. I didn't realize how much I needed his apology until he gave it. "That's okay. I'm sure you had a good reason."

Glancing to the side, he gulped. "I had a reason." He pushed his fingers through his short, black hair in apprehension before turning back to me.

Whatever the reason, he was struggling with telling me about it. I hated to see him stressed. "I told you it's all right, Jacob. Just forget about it." I tried to reassure him with a smile.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded.

His posture loosened a little and he sighed and said, "Okay. I'll see you on Christmas vacation." He attempted to grin and awkwardly slumped to hug me.

I reached my arms around his neck but stiffened with surprise to feel the tickle of soft lips press against my cheek. Bliss warmed every inch of me and my lips spread across my face, giving him a huge, excited smile.

He enjoyed my reaction, because he returned a smile just as revealing as mine. He said another goodbye, then left. I drifted into the house and up to my room, ecstatic for the first several minutes afterwards. But that soon changed to miserable once I realized he had gone.