Memories

Chapter Five

The night Alex and Andi returned from camp was spent in a typical style for my family. We cooked a homemade pizza, ate it in the living room, and the rest of the family enjoyed a movie while Andi and I curled up on the loveseat and cowered. Alien had never been my favorite movie, and I liked it even less after learning of the Yeerks.

Still, I enjoyed spending the evening with my family. Poking Andi at all the right moments to make her jump and hitting Alex when he did the same to me. Laughing at all of Dad's comments and Mom's attempts to explain them away. Stuffing my face with artichoke-heart pizza. Normal stuff.

In the middle of yet another battle between the alien and the crew of the Nostromo our phone rang. Andi screamed and jabbed me with her elbow, which made me scream and Alex fall off the couch laughing. Mom swatted him with a pillow before getting up to answer the phone.

I watched her progress to the kitchen, wondering if it was for me and somehow knowing that it couldn't be good.

Andi kicked me lightly to get my attention. "Hey, Ju-ju, what wrong?"

"I dunno. What's wrong?"

She rolled her eyes in a typical twelve-year-old way. "You're watching Mom like she's about to receive your death orders."

Alex leaned over the arm of the couch and grinned wickedly. "Or maybe she's waiting for a call from a boy."

I laughed and pushed him back onto the couch, deciding to play off the boy idea since the death-orders one was far too close to the truth. "I have no idea what you're talking about," I proclaimed, letting myself grin a little.

Andi laughed and grinned. "Ju-ju's got a boyfriend," she sang. "Who is it?"

Alex climbed back on the couch arm and perched there, laughing at my apparent discomfort. "It's Tom, right?"

"No."

"Yes it is. Cause you like him and you think he's just soooo hot."

"I do not!" I laughed and pushed him back on the couch. "And those are not proper thought for a twelve-year-old and it's none of your business and...and...oh, just watch the movie."

"Julie," Mom called. "It's for you."

"Is it Tom?" Alex asked.

I smacked him with a pillow on my way to the kitchen. Mom rolled her eyes as she handed me the phone as if to say 'I know. Aren't they a pain?'

"Hello?"

"Julie? It's Jake."

"Oh, hi. What do you need?"

"Nothing." He paused and I could almost see him looking over his shoulder. "We need to talk."

"Now?"

"Can you think of a better time?"

I glanced in the living room at my family. Andi had a blanket over her head and Alex was adding his own sound effects, while Dad used my absence to help himself to some of my artichoke pizza. "I'm kinda trying to spend time with my family. Can't it wait until tomorrow?"

"If you think you'll have time tomorrow."

I sighed and looked in living room again. Mom slapped Dad's hand and made him put my pizza slice back on my plate.

"Alright, fine. Come meet me on the back porch."

I slammed the phone down and glared at it.

"Are you okay, honey?" Mom called.

"Fine. Jake's coming over for a moment. We'll be on the back porch."

Alex's head popped up over the back of the couch and he grinned at me. I cursed silently, realizing how that sounded when taken with our earlier conversation. Since there was no way to fix the situation, I just went to the back porch to sit and wait for Jake.

He didn't keep me waiting long.

"So what did you want," I asked, patting the concrete step next to me as he walked around the corner of the house.

He sat next to me and stretched, reaching his arms back toward the house and his legs out toward the yard. "How are the twins?"

"They're fine. A bit miffed at having to back to school tomorrow, but I don't pity them."

He laughed and watched the backyard, carefully avoiding looking at me. "Didn't they get to miss a week of school to go to that camp thingy?"

"Yeah. The joys of being a super-genius science nerd." I stared at his profile, waiting for him to say something, but he just kept looking at the oak tree. "So, did you really just come over here to ask about the twins? Because you could have done that over the phone."

"Cassie said she offered to help you with the morphing."

"Yeah, she did. It was a nice offer, but I had to get back home." I nodded back toward the house. "You know, family stuff."

Jake sighed and rubbed his neck with one hand. "I know family is important to you, Julie, but this is important, too. When were you planning on practicing? Do you even have anything other than Tobias' hawk?"

I folded my hands in my lap and stared at them guiltily. "No," I whispered.

"When were you planning on acquiring a roach morph? Or any other morphs for that matter?"

I glared at him, put on the defensive by his accusing tone. "I'm going to the Gardens tomorrow, I'll have you know. Cassie and Rachel said I should probably look for something with fire-power and roaches aren't exactly hard to find." In all actuality, I hadn't made any plans for acquiring any morphs, but it sounded like a good plan.

"Going to the Gardens? Were you planning on just walking into the cages, or acquiring something from the petting zoo?"

I fumed, furious that he was right and had caught me in a less-than-intelligent moment. "Okay, so maybe I hadn't thought that far ahead. I'm still new at this you know."

"I do know. Which is why I think it's important for you to get together with Cassie and practice. She's the best morpher out of all of us."

"How can you have a 'best morpher'? Either you turn into an animal or you don't."

"Well, if you'd taken her offer you might've found out."

I looked up from my hands. Jake was staring at me instead of the oak and his expression was somewhere between furious and disappointed.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't totally ignore my family and spend all my time practicing to be a freak."

"Well you should be. This isn't a game, Julie, this is life and death we're dealing with."

I tried to match his glare with one of my own, but it didn't quite work. I knew he was right, even if I didn't want to admit it.

"Fine. I'm sorry. I made a mistake. What do I do now?"

Jake sighed heavily and turned back to the yard. "Nothing. It's too late to do anything tonight. But find some time to get a roach and practice morphing. And if you can, get Tobias to take you to the Garden after they close."

"Why after they close?"

He smiled. "It's a bit easier to get in after-hours."

It took a few moments of staring at him to understand what he was saying. "You sneak in using morphs?"

"Well, we can't exactly walk in and ask to pet all the lions and tigers and bears."

"Oh my."

He grinned a bit, as if just humoring me and stood to leave. "Did you get that history paper done?"

I stared at him for a full half a minute with my mouth wide open in shock. "Oh, shit, that's due tomorrow, isn't it?"

"I'll take that as a 'no.'"

I jumped up from my seat and hurried back to the house. "Bye. See you at school," I called before rushing inside.

He just grinned and shook his head and walked away.

It took until the wee hours of the morning to finish the paper, but I did get it done. After turning in the finished product at the beginning of history class, I made my way to the back of the room, put my head on my desk, and decided to sleep through class. Fortunately, I wasn't the only one dead-tired and my teacher decided to give us a break and let us 'self-study.'

My other classes didn't go so well, and by the time I reached study hall, I was thinking longingly of the couches in the library and wondering if the librarians would let me sleep there.

Cassie intercepted me on my way to a couch and guided me to a table. "Hey, Julie. I was wondering if you could help me with something."

Tired as I was, I recognized an attempt at 'secret code' when I saw one. "Okay, sure. As long as it's not biology. I'm not doing so hot in that class."

"I was thinking more along the lines history. Jake says you're really good at that."

I caught the slight stress on Jake's name and took that to mean that she'd talked to him. We found a secluded corner and pulled out our books and spread out our homework and looked for all the world like we were studying. But what we talked about had little to do with history.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come over after school today and try out a roach morph. Maybe pick up some of the other things we've got in the barn."

"Like what?"

"Well, a wolf for starters. We've got a female in there right now." Cassie nodded and bent over her paper to write and answer, keeping up the appearance of two students studying.

I pointed to her answer. "The Korean War ended with an armistice, not a peace treaty."

"Oh, right." She erased her answer and re-wrote it. "Anyway, if you want to come over, you're more than welcome to."

"Um...sure. I guess so."

I didn't know what else to say, so we just went through the motions of reading, silently waiting for the other to say something.

"Jake said you two talked last night."

"Yeah, he came over for a little bit."

Cassie put her pencil down for a moment, pausing the charade, and gave me a concerned look. "I know it's hard, suddenly having to juggle all this with school and family and stuff. If you ever need someone to talk to-"

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm fine."

She picked up her pencil again and looked down at her paper, still obviously concerned. "Alright then. But we're all here for you if you change your mind."

I frowned and thumbed through my book. Was it really so obvious that I was struggling after one day? And why? Because I'd had to turn down one offer of help? I didn't want to be a burden to these people; they had enough troubles of their own. Besides, if Cassie and Jake and Marco could juggle everything, then so could I.

Of course, if I wanted to carry my own weight, then I'd have to learn how to morph. Which meant practicing with Cassie, even though all I wanted to do was sleep.

I sighed and put down my book. "So. Are we going to your house right after school?"

Cassie smiled and looked up from her paper. "Sure."

Roaches were not as easy to find as I'd thought, even in a barn. We had to call on Tobias and his superior eyesight to finally find one crawling around under the cages.

"Okay, Julie," Cassie said soothingly, holding the roach in one hand. "Just concentrate on acquiring the roach. Don't think about anything else. Do you remember how?"

"Yeah." I squirmed and glared at the roach in disgust. Up close, the thing was even worse than I'd imagined.

Don't forget, you're saving the world here, Julie, I told myself as I carefully laid the tip of one finger on the roach's back. It felt like a stone, or any other hard surface, and I tried to concentrate on that, instead of the fact that I'd be turning into the thing in a few minutes. His legs stopped motoring in thin air and his antenna dropped a little, something Cassie assured me was a 'good sign.'

"Okay, fine. I'm done." I pulled my finger back and wiped it on the leg of my jeans, shuddering as she dropped the bug to the floor and we watched it scurry away. "Now what?"

"You've got your morphing suit, right?"

"My who?"

Cassie glanced up at Tobias, who was sitting in the rafters looking as amused as a red-tailed hawk could look. "Maybe you should leave for this part."

(Sure thing,)- he replied. -(I'd probably get in trouble for staying.)-

"Wait, why does he have to leave?"

"Um, well, you see...it's a little difficult to learn how to morph clothes. It takes a few tries to do it correctly and, well, I don't think you'd want Tobias around to watch that part."

"Oh right."

(Hey, Tobias doesn't want to be around to watch that either. No offence.)-

"None taken."

(Do you still want to go to the Gardens tonight?)-

I glared up at the ceiling. "Jake talked to you, too?"

(Why? Something wrong with that?)-

I heard the defensive edge in his voice and decided to drop the subject. I didn't like the fact that they were all talking about me behind my back, but there was no point in getting mad about it. "No. Sorry. Are you still offering to take me?"

(Sure. I'll swing by around nine.)-

"Fine." I nodded and pretended to interested in my feet until he flew out the open loft door. Cassie was looking at me with that concerned expression again, so I put on a brave face. "So, what's all this about a morphing suit?"

Cassie found an extra leotard for me to use and explained how to morph. I tried it first with the roach morph, but as soon as I saw two enormous roach legs burst from my abdomen, I started screaming and lost concentration. Cassie was by my side in an instant, trying to talk me out of my hysterical state. After a great deal of coaxing, I finally managed to demorph.

"Well, that didn't go so well," she commented as she helped me over to a bale of hay.

"Ya think?" I collapsed gratefully and held my hands over my stomach, constantly feeling to make sure there wasn't anything extra there.

Cassie chewed thoughtfully on her bottom lip as she watched me draw my knees up to my chest and shiver. "Perhaps we should start with something you're more familiar with. Let you morph the hawk a couple of times and get the hang of morphing clothes."

"Sure," I said, too shaken to put up much of a fight. "Whatever you say."

I stood up and noticed the damage done to my borrowed leotard. Two jagged holes had appeared right where my roach legs had been minutes before. I groaned and covered them with my hands.

"Don't worry about it," she told me. "It's an extra. And you can still use it to practice. Now, come over here and try morphing the hawk."

We spent about half an hour morphing and demorphing in her barn until I managed to morph the leotard without destroying it. Cassie then led me around the barn, letting me acquire a wolf and great horned owl and practice them. She was about to suggest the cockroach morph again when we heard the sound of a truck pulling up to the house outside. Hurriedly, I dressed in my normal clothes and left before her dad could find us in the barn and start asking questions. Before I left Cassie made me promise to practice the roach more at home. I shuddered at the idea, but agreed none the less.

And I did. After rushing through my homework I locked my door and turned out the lights and morphed the cockroach. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the sensation of falling and tried not to imagine how I looked as extra legs grew from my middle and my skin became a hard, brown exoskeleton. By the time my eyelids disappeared my eyesight was so poor it didn't matter.

In just under two minutes I had changed into a roach sitting in the middle of my darkened room. I felt the roach mind surface, much as I had with the hawk and the wolf. The roach was waiting; edgy and a little nervous and waiting for something to happen.

This isn't so bad, I thought, crawling over to inspect my shoe. My antenna waved around wildly, smelling the sole. After a few minutes of getting used to walking on six legs and smelling things, I decided I'd done my duty and demorphed, noticing that I felt a bit more comfortable with the idea of going from human to insect and back again. Not comfortable enough to do it with the lights on, but enough that I didn't go to pieces at the clear sight of my giant, sectioned underbelly.

I ignored my shaking hands, dressed again over the morphing suit I'd picked out for myself and looked at the clock. 8:30. Enough time to do a bit of reading for Wednesday's test before Tobias showed up.

I settled onto my bed with my English book open in my lap and promptly fell asleep.

When I woke Tuesday morning I felt as if someone had hammered me with a semi. I turned away from the sunlight streaming in my window, covered my head with my pillow and groaned.

"Wake up, you." Andi threw a shoe at me, but I merely groaned again. She decided to take more drastic measures and snatched my pillow away from me. "Come on, Julie. You're going to be late!"

"What time is it?" I croaked.

"Six o'clock."

"Plenty of time." I pulled the covers over my head.

She yanked them off the bed. "Get. Up."

I considered getting up, if only to throw her out of the room, but even the thought took too much effort. Andi decide to help me out and pulled on one arm until I nearly fell out of the bed.

"Alright, alright," I said, jerking my arm free and sitting up. "Why the hell are you such a morning person?"

"Someone here has to be. Now get up and get ready for school."

I just yawned and stretched, scratching the top of my head. "Whatever."

After she left I pulled myself out of bed and realized I'd fallen asleep in my clothes, including my newly appointed 'morphing suit,' but I hadn't gone to the Gardens. Immediately I felt guilty for having fallen asleep, but there was nothing I could do besides dress, go to school, and hope Jake didn't get too mad. At least I'd acquired the cockroach for that night.

I didn't see any of the other Animorphs at school. They tried not to hang out as a group, although I had no idea why. What was so strange about a bunch of teens forming a group in a social setting as volatile as high school?

When Cassie met me in study hall I was expecting a lecture about missing out on the Gardens trip, but she simply handed me a note with a time and place scrawled on it. 8:00, QuckStop by the theatre. I nodded, then folded up the note and stuck it in my biology book and went on with my homework. I didn't do very well, since every few moments thoughts of turning into a roach invaded my mind. I wondered how I'd avoid being stepped on. How I'd handle morphing a roach in broad daylight around the others. And of course, I wondered about Marco's prophecy that they'd be 'doing something that could get us killed.'

When the last bell rang I heaved a sigh, put away my half-finished homework and followed the crowd outside. I had nearly four hours to kill until the mission and somehow I doubted I'd get much homework done. I was too worried about possibly getting killed.

Instead of taking the bus home, I decided to walk, hoping it would calm me down. About halfway there I decided I didn't really want to go home and stopped at a playground, sitting on the swing set and watching the kids play. It was a peaceful setting, with the kids running and shouting and the mothers gossiping and a few middle school kids grouped in one corner trying to look cool and a lone hawk wheeling through the sky.

I did a double take and looked at the hawk again, wondering if it was Tobias. Knowing from experience how good those eyes were, I dug through my bag until I found my writing journal and opened it to a blank page.

Tobias?

I sat on the swing set for a few minutes, hoping he would answer. Eventually the hawk flew closer to our little park and settled in a tree behind me.

(Hey, Julie.)-

I stared at the page for a while, trying to put my feelings into thoughts, but I couldn't quite do it.

Sorry I skipped out last night, I wrote instead.

(Don't worry about it. You looked exhausted.)-

I was.

(Are you ready for tonight?)-

No.

The sound of his soft laughter in my head made me smile at my journal, but something was still bothering me.

You didn't tell the others?

(About what?)-

Last night.

(No. There's no need to. We'll go another night. Besides, yesterday was busy enough for you.)-

His words didn't quite comfort me, but I scrawled a quick Thanks anyway.

(So who are Nina and Thom?)-

I blushed furiously and slammed my journal shut, stuffing it back into my bag. Nina and Thom were two characters from my story. A story I'd never shared with anyone but Paul. So he must have read it in my journal. I seriously considered giving him the finger, but there were too many small children with their mothers around.

Tobias just laughed. Not a malicious laugh, but still a laugh. -(I'll see you tonight, Julie.)- He flew away, leaving me scowling at me shoes.

I must have been an emotional roller coaster those last few hours before going to the QuickStop. I must have been terrified and angry and hurt and lonely and a million other things that don't make the least bit of sense. But all I remember, all the Ellimist could show me, is a few hours of sitting on a swing set, watching the children play.

I barely spent any time at the house, stopping by there just long enough to drop off my bag and tell Mom I was going to a movie with Paul. I told the lie without blinking and she accepted it in the same manner. I ran into Alex on the way out the door and gave him a quick hug, wondering if I'd ever get a chance to do so again.

The QuickStop was an old gas station that had gone out of business recently and was fast becoming a favorite hangout for the local bad-kid wannabes. Fortunately, it was in the soon-to-be parking lot of the new theatre and scheduled to be torn down. The neighborhood would be safe from bored gangs. Just in time for the invading aliens.

I decided to go by foot and saw Tobias circling overhead in the darkening sky as I approached.

Jake and the others were gathered behind the building, out of sight from the street and all except Ax were stripped down to their morphing outfits already. Hurriedly, I stepped out of my shoes and outer clothes and added them to the pile, blushing and avoiding eye contact the whole time. But when I finally had to stand before the group in my black leggings and green one-piece swimsuit, the only comment I got was from Marco.

"Well, at least she has more fashion sense than Cassie."

I looked at Cassie, who was wearing black on black, and was about to ask what he meant when Jake cut me off.

"Okay," he said, signaling to Tobias. "We're all here."

(There's no one coming for about a mile, and they look like they've both got...other places to go.)-

"All right, everyone ready?"

I wanted to say no, but instead asked, "What are we looking for?"

"Anything. An office. How they're connected to the pool. Anything that might be useful."

"Right, well, that was all helpful and specific."

Jake ignored my comment, but Marco didn't. "You know, she's right. We don't even know what we're looking for. We're going in there blind, without a clue, hoping that we stumble on something useful and don't get stepped on."

Rachel leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Here it comes."

"This is insane. Not the kind of insane, oh-sweet-heavens-I'm-going-to-die insane that we're used to, but it's still insane."

"Well, it's official," Rachel said, clapping her hands together. "We can get started now."

Everyone laughed a bit, slightly nervous, but I just stood there, confused. Until I saw Ax go from blue fuzz to dun-brown armor. I bit down on my lip quickly to keep from screaming and turned around to morph so I wouldn't have to watch the others.

When we were done, we were just six little brown bugs, ready to scamper across the broken concrete. Tobias stayed hawk long enough to guide us the hundred feet it took to get to the half finished theatre.

It was amazing to go speeding along that close to the ground. Like being strapped to the bottom of a race car, despite the fact that I was going no faster than a human could walk. We reached the building in about ten minutes and Tobias, after one last quick look around, morphed to roach and joined us.

We slipped under the door and came into a room with sawdust all over the floor. The sawdust was really all we could see from our vantage point on the floor.

(Any idea where we are?)- Marco asked.

(The lobby, of course,)- Rachel countered. -(Haven't you ever been in a theatre before?)-

(Head to the right,)- Jake said. -(Erek said we might find the offices over there.)-

Erek's guess was good and after a few minutes of searching, we found a series of temporary walls that were easy to squeeze under. Inside were rooms that were much smaller and had less sawdust on the floor.

(Hey, I see a desk,)- Cassie called.

After that, we split up, searching each of the three offices, but didn't find anything useful until Jake gave in and allowed Ax to demorph and hack into one of the computers. He kept up a running commentary of all the files he found, most of which were on finance. I wanted to get a look at those and find out how the Yeerks got their funding.

(See if you can find anything that looks like a schedule,)- Marco suggested before I could decide whether or not to speak up.

(There's one here, but it doesn't seem to have anything unusual.)-

(Was it locked? They probably have one for public eyes and one that's hidden.)-

Between Ax and Marco, they managed to find everything the Yeerks wanted to keep hidden, including a building schedule for the entire project. The connection to the Yeerk pool would be a series of tunnels leading to each movie screen. The tunnels had already been dug by Taxxons and entrances were hidden under the floor, waiting for the screens to be built.

They were eerily silent after learning that bit of information. I wondered, briefly, what the Yeerk pool was like.

(Ax, see if you can find anything else on there.)-

(I'm looking Prince Jake, but-)-

Everyone tensed up when Ax stopped speaking. -(What is it?)-

(I thought I heard something. I'm going to morph back now, Price Jake.)-

(Good idea.)-

I picked up vibrations from the floor. The roach in me became even more nervous and jumpy.

(Someone's outside,)- Tobias observed.

(Ax, are you done morphing?)- Jake asked. -(We need to get out of here.)-

Before Ax could answer, the person outside opened the door and turned on the light. The roach went out of control.

Light! Light! Run! Hide! Where? Away from the light!

My tiny roach legs powered so fast I ran over another roach in my way. I couldn't stop it. I tried to stop, to get control but my body wouldn't respond to anything but the roach's fear and the need to be away from the light and vibrations.

Light! Footsteps! Run! Hide!

(Julie, what are you doing?)-

Even Jake's voice in my mind couldn't do anything to stop me. I ran for the wall, leaving behind the other Animorphs with Ax half-morphed behind the table.