Andi tried several times to wake me on Saturday. I passed close to consciousness each time she ran into my room, turning on lights and opening the blinds and yelling for me to get up. But each time, just as I became aware enough to feel the dull ache of sore muscles, I decided it wasn't time to wake up yet and simply rolled over again. On her last, and finally successful, attempt she managed to pull me completely out of my bed. I fell and hit my head sharply on the floor, screeching in surprise.

"Ow! Andi, what are you doing?" My head started pounding and I decided I didn't really want to yell at my sister again.

"Come on, Julie. You're the last one up. Again."

My mind was still groggy, so it took a few moments to process what she was saying. Something tickled at the back of my mind. Something important, but that I didn't want to remember. "It's Saturday," I mumbled slowly. "Why do I have to get up at all?"

"We're going to the zoo." When I just looked up at her blankly, still sitting on the floor, she threw up her hands and sighed dramatically. "I told you last week, remember? We're all going to the zoo. Mom even made it into one our 'family outings,' so you can't back out."

I groaned and held my throbbing head in my hands. I wondered briefly why my head ached. Why my whole body ached. It was unusual for me to be sore; I spent most of my time sitting at my computer.

Morphing. I was sore from all the morphing we'd done the previous night. As soon as I realized that, images of the battle flooded into my mind, making me even sorrier that I'd bothered to get up.

Andi took the pillow off my bed and batted me lightly on the head with it. "Come on. We're not all that-"

"Cut it out, Andi," I snapped, grabbing the pillow away from her. I was still sitting on the floor where I'd fallen; I clutched the pillow and pulled up my knees, curling around it. "Just leave me alone."

Surprised by my sudden outburst, Andi just stood there and looked at me.

"I mean it. Get out!" Screaming just made my head hurt more, so I buried my face in the pillow, not bothering to see if she left or not. A few seconds later I heard my door close, but I wasn't really thinking about that. My mind was focused on thoughts of the previous night.

I could picture the two Hork-Bajir I'd killed. Most of the rest of the evening was a blur. The events had happened so fast that the timing in my memory was distorted, the sequence confused. Actions that I knew must have taken a few seconds seemed burned into my memory as having lasted hours, while others were passed over without a second thought. I remembered my claws descending on the second Hork-Bajir, ready to gut him, and in my mind's eye those claws took forever to hit. I remembered Jake disappearing through the trap door, but that must have happened first. No, before that we were in the lobby, vandalizing the place. And then the attack, and the battle, and the killing. I'd called the first one carrion. Just to ease my own conscience. A living, breathing, sentient creature was not road-kill, no matter how I felt. I'd wanted to feed on him. Or her. The thought made me nauseous.

I clutched the pillow tighter to my mid-section and rocked back and forth, swallowing to keep the bile down as image after image entered my mind, each one more distorted than the last. Tearing out that creature's throat must have taken less than a second. So why did I see it in such perfect detail, again and again, in slow motion?

And now they wanted me to go to the zoo? To stand by and watch the very Komodo I'd morphed the night before laze about in the morning sun? To act as if nothing were wrong? I couldn't do it. I couldn't. Not to keep my family ignorant and therefore safe. Not even to save the world. It simply wasn't going to happen.

Someone knocked softly on my door and then entered when I didn't answer. I didn't look up, but I could tell it was Mom when she sat on the bed and put a comforting hand on my shoulder. I didn't quite trust myself to talk, afraid that I might throw up or cry. Or both.

"Are you okay honey?"

I shook my head, still not willing to look up. Thoughts and images raced though my head. I must have been an emotional battleground. Not that I can remember anything other than what I thought. I thought about the battle. I thought about my mother. About my sister and brother and father. About what would happen to all of them if I failed, as it seemed I was destined to do. And the more I thought the more my stomach turned, trying to get rid of whatever I'd eaten the day before.

Mom rubbed my back gently, obviously worried. "Honey, what's wrong?"

I opened my mouth, ready to tell her some lie about a bad dream and being tired, that I'd be fine after I woke up and moved around a bit, but what came out instead was, "I'm going to be sick."

I lurched out of my sitting position and reached for the trashcan beside my desk. I didn't quite make it and about half of what came up made a lovely mess on my carpet.

I clutched the trashcan much as I had the pillow while Mom held my hair back. Dry heaves kept my there long after my stomach was empty until, at last, I calmed down enough to stop the physical reaction. Mom babbled on and on about how I was sick and shouldn't be staying up so late and how I should take better care of myself and that she was going to get me some water and would I be okay for a few moments?

I listened without really hearing her and nodded at all the right times and moved to my bed as soon as she was gone, far too exhausted to even think too much about the battle. Though a few images were still burned into my mind, it seemed that after the initial shock they didn't want to torment me quite so violently.

Mom brought my water and tucked me back into bed, telling me to stay there. Dad came in and helped clean the carpet while they talked about what to do. When I realized they were considering canceling the trip to stay home with me, I perked up enough to talk them out of it. The last thing I wanted was my family hovering over me all day. It took about ten solid minutes of telling them I'd be fine to convince them, but they finally left and I drifted back to sleep.

The phone woke me. I heard it ringing, but decided to ignore it. After a few rings it kicked over to the machine but the person called right back. By the third call I decided I should get up and see who wanted to contact me so desperately.

It was Jake.

"Hey Julie. What are you doing?"

"I was sleeping," I answered shortly. Yawning, clutching a blanket around me with one hand and the phone in the other, I made my way from the kitchen to the living room. "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to see if you wanted to get together today."

"Stuff it, Jake. Tom's not there or you wouldn't have called three times in a row."

He paused and I couldn't tell if he was angry or not by my attitude. I realized belatedly that it didn't really matter if Tom were there or not, that speaking freely over an unsecured line was risky, but I didn't apologize.

"We're meeting up with Cassie around two. You can come if you like." And then he hung up without saying goodbye.

Again, I couldn't tell if he was angry, disappointed, or just tired. I sighed, thinking that he was much easier to deal with in person when I could gauge his mood.

I leaned my head back on the couch and closed my eyes and sighed again. The last thing I wanted to do was face the others and talk about the battle, but I couldn't really see any way out of it. Besides just blowing them off and staying home. The idea was a bit tempting, but I just shook my head and scolded myself for thinking it. The situation was already bad enough; there was no reason to go and make it worse by acting like even more of a coward.

I stared at the phone and hugged my blanket closer to me. Would coward really be such a bad thing? Especially if 'brave' made you wake up sick every morning. But I had been sick that morning and I was starving. I decided to eat lunch and worry about being a coward later. It wasn't an issue I was likely to forget if I took a few minutes to eat first.

I opted for simplicity and made Spagettioes. As I watched the bowl turn round and round through the door of the microwave, my mind wandered back to the battle. Back to the two creatures I'd killed. Back to the fight. To the way Jake and Marco jumped right into the battle while I was stuck at the door just watching. Just watching. The way they'd run to the battle from the lobby. Rachel's cry. They're here.

It hit me. I guess it should have been obvious before. I guess it shouldn't have been too big a deal. But I still hadn't realized it until that moment. They were expecting a fight. I went into that theatre expecting to do some damage to the building, but not much else. Sure, I knew it was dangerous. The same way you know sneaking out at night is dangerous because your parents could come in at any minuet and find you gone. Worse, sure, but it was the same kind of worry. I might have known that our mission could have turned into a battle, but somehow it just didn't figure into my thinking.

But it did for them. They knew, before we ever set foot, paw, or claw in that theatre that it would turn into a fight. They expected it. They were waiting for it. They were prepared for it. Because they were used to it. They were experienced. And I wasn't.

They had to have known I wouldn't have expected it. As far as I knew we were going into a relatively safe mission. They hadn't warned me. They'd thrown me into my first life-or-death fight with no warning at all!

I fumed, staring at the microwave long after it was done cooking. It took me a while to realize the thing was beeping at me. I was so distracted by my thoughts that I burned my hands on the bowl, spilled some on the floor, and barked my shins against the kitchen table. I didn't care. I wasn't even hungry anymore, but I knew I needed something after that morning so I ate it anyway.

My family returned as I was cleaning up and Mom immediately started fussing over me. I told her I was fine, just a bit tired, but she gave me a disbelieving look. You'd think, being a nurse, she'd be able to tell a healthy person from a sick one. I guess she's seen so much of the latter group, however, that it's made her paranoid.

"Are you sure you're okay, sweetie?" She asked again.

"I'm fine, Mom. It must have just been something I ate."

I started to leave the kitchen, but she caught me as I passed and pressed her cheek against my forehead, then kissed me. "Well, you don't feel like you have a temperature."

"Because I don't. I'm perfectly fine. Let go."

Something in my voice must have been too harsh or too angry because she released me but continued to give me a concerned look. I ignored her and stalked into the living room, throwing myself down on the couch.

Andi came and sat by my head, where there was still some room. "You should have come. It's was great. There was this snake handler guy at the reptile house that was letting everyone play with the snakes."

I grunted and reached for the remote.

"Hey, what's with you?"

"I'm sick, okay? Just leave me alone."

"But you just said you were fine."

"Then I'm sick of you," I snapped and threw the remote back on the coffee table without turning on the TV. Before she could say anything I jumped up off the couch and stormed up the stairs and into my room.

One there I fell onto my bed and grabbed a pillow, taking what comfort I could from hugging it. I had to get out of the house, now that my family was back in it. I couldn't stay and let them become even more suspicious, because I really couldn't stay and act like everything was normal. Suddenly going to the meeting and being with people who knew what I was going through didn't seem like such a bad idea.

I checked the clock on my bedside table. One-thirty. If I left right away I could catch the bus and make it on time. I changed quickly, grabbed Jake's library books, and ran back down the stairs.

"Mom, I'm going out!"

"Oh, no you're not."

I stopped with my hand on the door. Mom never stopped me from going out; what was wrong this time?

"Why not?"

She came out of the kitchen, where she'd been yelling from, with a very motherly look on her face. A look that was somewhere between angry, concerned, 'what the hell do you think you're doing?'

"'Why not?' You're ill! You need to stay home and rest."

I sighed. On any other day, especially a school day, I would have loved this attitude in her. But I had my excuse ready. "I won't be gone long, I promise. I've just got to take Jake's books back the library. They're already over-due." I jiggled my arm-load of books to bring her attention to them.

She just held out her hands. "I'll take them."

I was not to be deterred. I put on a slightly pleading look, careful not to overdo it. "Please, Mom?" Luckily, it wasn't uncommon in our family for me to take books back to the library, if only so I'd have an excuse to go and browse the fiction section.

She glared at me. In a very loving way.

"I'm feeling much better, I promise. And I won't stay out long."

"Okay," she relented. "But be home in an hour."

"Two."

"An hour," she repeated in a very firm voice.

I knew better than to press the matter. But I still made sure to act disappointed. "Fine," I grumbled, and disappeared out the door.

Taking the books along as an excuse meant I really had to return them to the library and run in to check out a book. I grabbed the first thing off the New Releases shelf and ran back to the bus station, but I was still late getting to Cassie's house.

I bypassed the house and went straight to the barn. Everyone but Ax was gathered there and they all looked up when I entered, slightly out of breath.

"Sorry I'm late, but I can only stay for an hour 'cuase Mom thinks I went to the library," I explained in a rush.

Jake just nodded, looking slightly surprised. Like he hadn't quite expected me to show up. I remembered my anger from earlier that day but firmly reminded myself that I wasn't allowed to blow up at Jake. My family was one thing, and it was bad enough to get mad at them, but these people had my life in their hands. Whether I knew it or not.

Marco scooted over as if to make room for me on the bale of hay, even though there were three bales sitting next to each other and plenty of room. But it was a nice gesture, meant to make me feel more welcome, so I sat next to him without commenting.

"So," I said after I'd settled down. They were all looking at me like I'd interrupted something and they were waiting for me to leave so they could get on with talking about it. I guess, on some level, it was true.

"So," Jake agreed. Then he cleared is throat. "We were talking about last night."

"Do we already know what happened?"

"Sort of. They managed to get a bunch of the building cleaned up and blamed the rest on vandals this morning."

"But they still failed the inspection," Rachel put in.

Jake just shook his head. "That won't stop them."

"Did we really expect it to?" I asked. "I thought last night was just a bluff. A scare tactic."

"It was," Marco said. "And they're going to call our bluff. They don't think there's anything we can really do. They're probably right."

We were quiet for a moment until I remembered something. "Hey, if they did fail that inspection, maybe they'll loose some investors."

The others just looked at me.

"What? The Yeerks aren't funding this thing on their own, are they?"

Jake shrugged. It was obvious none of them had thought about it before. "I'm sure they could be if they wanted."

Now that I was thinking about it, an idea was forming in my head. I still had no idea how to it would work, but if there were some way make them loose monetary support, maybe we could get them to shut down. Money makes the world go round, after all. The Yeerks couldn't change that just yet.

But Jake pressed on before I could say anything. "Look, there may still be a way to do this. Last night..." He glanced at Cassie, who just nodded. She knew what he was about to propose, but she didn't look happy about it. "Last night when we were under the theater, we noticed something."

"It's unfinished," Cassie continued. "There's just a big open space with a few supports."

"Hold on," Marco cut in. "Are you about to suggest that we collapse the building?"

"Al right." Rachel looked positively ecstatic at the idea. Even I perked up a bit. It was a much better idea than our last one, which was just cause and mess, cross our fingers, and hope.

"Basically," Jake answered Marco.

"While we're still under it?"

Jake shrugged again. "Well, we haven't worked out all the details yet."

"We'll get crushed! Squished. Splat. Ku-put, no more Animorphs. How are we supposed to survive dropping a building on our own heads?" He paused, as if waiting for an answer, but pressed on before anyone could say anything. "And for that matter, how do you propose we do this? Up to standard or not, if those supports can keep the building up, how are we going to knock them down with something that can still fit through that trap-door?"

At this, I swear, Jake actually grinned. "I thought we'd use the bulldozers."

Marco stopped midway through preparing his next rant. "They have bulldozers?"

"Little ones. And earthmovers and trucks and forklifts and just about anything else you could want."

Marco thought about this for a moment. A grin to match Jake's appeared on his face. "Well, maybe we could make this work."

I could see the entire group become more excited the more the idea was thrown around.

"Just for the record, though, I still think this is insane."