Chapter 18

So now I think that I could love you back
And I hope its not too late
'Cause you're so attractive
And the way you move
I won't close my eyes —Flowers in Your Hair, The Lumineers

Jacob

Being with Bella at the bonfire was a miracle. I was damn near positive she hated me. Just a few days before Emmett left for his football camp, she gave me that impression loud and clear.

Emmett and I had been sitting at the kitchen table, munching on Tabasco-doused Doritos, talking about the upcoming boxing match our team was hosting in La Push. It disappointed him that they scheduled the match for the weekend of his football camp. He loved boxing, but not as much as he loved football. When there was a conflict between them, football won.

"It sucks I have to miss it," he said as Bella strolled in to get herself a glass of water. "Bella will take my place and cheer for you though, won't you, Bella?"

She peered over her shoulder and gave him a wicked, dirty look. She said nothing, but her expression shouted the words. "Shut up, Emmett! I hate Jake."

I laughed. It was the easiest way to cover the uncomfortable feelings racing through me. She took it for teasing, banged the kitchen cupboard shut, and stomped out of the room. In front of Emmett, I'd shrugged it off. What else could I do? But in reality, she made me feel like shit. Unbelievable hopelessness came over me, and I decided it time to call it a day and move on. I couldn't figure out what I did to upset her so much. I just attempted to free us from Emmett's intrusiveness, to ask her out. She avoided being alone with me ever since.

Seth's friend method appeared a hell of a lot better to me at that point. I raged with envy whenever I watched him and Bella waltz out the door together, all comfy-cozy, or heard them laughing at some hush-hush, between-the-two-of-them joke while they sat in Bella's private hideaway in the corner behind her house.

I'd never pegged myself as a guy with a glutton for punishment. But I spent more time than ever at her house. No matter how much she ignored me or how much it hurt. I didn't even know how I managed another go. She was with me though, sitting beside me in the tepid, moist sand and appearing content.

Our interactions were a little quiet. But it was better than I expected from the day, and I was feeling good about it. A little edgy, but more enthusiastic for the simple opportunity to—if nothing else—repair whatever damage I'd done to our friendship. But deep down, I wanted much more. Deep down, I was hoping, wishing, praying, begging the universe to let our spur-of-the-moment alone time end beyond friendship.

She shivered as the wind blew around us.

Glancing back at the sultry, orange glimmer of the cheery fire, I realized just how far away from it we hiked. Everyone was making strange faces at us when we first arrived; I was afraid Bella would make me take her home. I told her it was because she was the Sheriff's daughter, which was true mostly, I assumed, except I knew some of those girls, and they were staring at her because of me.

I thought it best to walk away before someone drank enough to come up and say something nobody wanted to hear. I was finally with Bella, and I was determined not to let anything, or anyone, screw it up. But, by the same token, I wasn't about to let Bella freeze.

She refused going back to the fire, so I asked her, in my own way, if I could put my arm around her. By the way she eyeballed me, I had zero idea of what her response might be. Her expression suggested she was pleasantly surprised or possibly offended. My heart froze while I waited to find out the accurate conclusion.

A hint of excitement brightened her features. Relief poured through me at the sight of her beautiful eyes lighting up. I attempted to control my enthusiasm as I placed my arm around her. But thoughts of her lips on mine had consumed me for far too long to allow this golden opportunity to pass me by, and as soon as I perceived her soft, goose-bumpy skin beneath my arm and my fingertips, and the light pressure of her slight figure pressed up against the side of my chest, I couldn't resist kissing her. My pent up desire had been building long enough as it was.

Gently touching the lower portion of her cheek, I guided her face toward mine. She lifted her head, her eyes traveling up but only as far as my lips, giving me the impression she wanted to kiss me, too. I placed my mouth over her soft lips and gave her a very attentive, lingering kiss, relishing the sweet taste of the coconut-flavored lip balm she wore, as her arm tightened around me and her hand clutched on to my shirt.

Intent to explore her eyes afterward, I released her lips. Words of "I love you" not quite to the tip of my tongue but looping around in my mind.

She turned her head away in a daze, bordering on a blush. Then, dropping her hand from my back, she angled her body out of my arm and tensed, causing me to wonder if I had misread her willingness. And as much as I'd enjoyed her quick, eager response, her actions afterward left me confused. Doubt that she didn't want to be with me the way I wanted to be with her, jabbed at my self-confidence, and in reluctance, I let my arm slip down from around her and shifted with my own uneasiness.

She stared out over the ocean, blackened to the point of invisibility, for a little too long without uttering a sound. I focused on her creamy-pale shoulder. Her silence was driving me crazy, making me desperate to know what was going on inside her head. Did she feel nothing from our kiss? Or did she wish I was someone else? What am I doing wrong? Furrowing my brows, I leaned over to get a better view of her face, which she seemed to be hiding from me all of a sudden.

"How come you've been so mad at me all this time, anyway?" I asked, grasping for some insight.

"Me?" she said, in a tone halfway between asking a question and making a contradiction. She turned, tilting her head, and a tress of her hair, nudged by the breeze, slipped to the front side of her neck, shielding more of her expression from me. "You're the one that's been mad at me, Jacob." She pushed the tress behind her ear, and it blew right back again.

"Mad at you? For what?"

"I don't know..." She hesitated... "The drive, maybe?"

"Nah, you were already mad at me way before that day. Forever, it seems like."

"I wasn't." She fidgeted and cleared her throat. "I just didn't want things to be weird with us anymore. I... I don't want it to be that way anymore, Jake." Her face drifted back toward me, her eyes focusing down then lifting to meet mine, a serious pleading in them.

I didn't believe I ever acted weird to her. But hell, if that was the only hesitation she had? I fell into the warm chocolate of her eyes, guided her hair out of the way, and kissed her again, longer than the first. This time, when our lips separated, there was no mistaking her sigh of pleasure.

"All right, then. No more acting weird around each other."

"Promise it won't be awkward after tonight," she said, with a doubtful wilting of her mouth.

"Okay. It won't. But you have to promise me you'll quit acting bashful." We knew each other for too many years and too well for that.

She rolled her eyes, and sounding pouty, said, "I'm not acting bashful."

"Uh huh," I said, in a yeah right tone.

She chuckled, folding her arms around herself again. I rubbed her arms a few times before resting mine over hers to keep her warm. Her body, snug in my arms, had me feeling all kinds of happiness.

One more intruding question, though, weighed heavy on my mind. "So... what about Emmett?"

I had already leaped past the point of no return and was probably about to lose my best friend because of it. A certain amount of guilt swelled inside of me from not giving his boundary the slightest consideration when I crossed it. I wasn't the one who would have to live in the same house with him and his angry opposition, though. I worried how much influence he'd end up having over Bella once he found out about us.

Bella leaned to the right, turning to see my face, chewing on her lip as we stared at each other. Then she did a little shrug of her shoulders. "He doesn't tell me everything."

But I knew we had to tell him if I wanted to see her again that way, and I did. "We don't have to tell him if you don't want to, Bella. But he's bound to find out."

She didn't respond right away, then she said, "Not necessarily. He doesn't have to... if..." She quieted for a second. "Unless we're... I mean, is this?" She waved her fingertips between the two of us.

I realized what she was getting at. She wanted to know whether our being together would be more than just a onetime deal. "I hope so. What about you? Do you want to go out with me, Bella?"

Her face lit up like she just won the lottery. And to be honest, I felt the same way. I just asked the girl of my dreams out, and she said yes. Granted, it was a nonverbal nod, but it was still yes.

Strands of her chestnut hair blew against the skin of my neck and face as she stretched herself tall, lifting her mouth to meet mine and starting the best kiss of the night, so far. "Who's acting bashful?" she asked, grinning.

It was still early, and the night was getting better by the minute. We decided we should keep "us" a secret from everyone until we told Emmett first, figuring it best for him to hear it from the two of us together. I also needed time to come up with a way to break the news to Seth. It occurred to me that it would be a far more difficult situation to encounter, given the torch he carried for Bella and the fact he'd carried it for just about as long as I carried mine.

A deep, hefty voice hollered through the darkness. "Jacob!"

Now what?

Bella turned to me in concern.

"That's Sam," I said. Alarmed by his tone, I hopped to my feet. I reached for Bella's hands, pulled her up, and we headed toward his voice.

Four shadows came into view. As the gap closed between them and us, I noticed it was five shadows; Quil, Embry, some girl, Sam, and Leah. Sam was hanging onto Leah, practically dragging her along with him.

I picked up my pace, lengthening my strides. The closer I got to them, the more I realized Leah was drunk.