OWL POST

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and have nothing to do with it.

Notes: God, I haven't posted anything new for ages! I really like this fic, and I'm gonna do a couple of chapters until the identity of Madame Vulture is revealed.

Please review!

Dear Madame Vulture,

I had the dream again last night. I just don't understand it.

What is happening to me!

This time it was different though. I think this illness is getting worse. It must be. I just can't get that wretched bastard out of my head! It's driving me insane!

This time, it was more… intense. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I just can't help it. This morning I felt like killing myself, just so I wouldn't wake up.

We were in the Room of Requirement, the same room where the secret Dumbledore's Army meeting were happening last year. It began with a group of us, like usual. We all seemed to be friends, but I kept noticing him looking at me in that delectable way of his. And so I kept looking back, blushing. I never blush. That goes to show the true extent of this… illness.

Anyway, the rest of our friends disappeared and we were left alone. He was talking like he craved me. I knew I craved him. One thing led to another and we were suddenly having mind-blowing sex on the sofa.

Afterwards, neither of us wanted to let go, both of us just lying together.

And then I woke up, and now all I can think about is that arrogant moron.

It can't go on like this. But how can I make it stop? I can't believe I'm in love with Harry Potter.

I hate my life.

Draco Malfoy

Draco,

This has been going on for quite some time, now. When you first wrote to me, I thought it was just a crush, but I think you need to try and take a hold of the situation. Are you sure you haven't been put under some kind of spell?

Madame Vulture

Dear Madame Vulture,

I just want to make clear that writing to you is completely out of shear desperation. I can scarcely believe that I have lowered myself to this level, but I have no idea what to do. Plans A, B and right through to Z have failed miserably and now I need your help.

I can't believe I'm about to divulge this to you, I don't even know who you are! Although, nobody seems to, which makes your identity the longest running secret in Hogwarts history.

Anyway, I digress, the heart of the matter is this: about a month ago, I was sat alone in my office, marking papers when I heard an unfamiliar sound. Being of curious nature, and with five glasses of whiskey as my courage, I stepped out to investigate.

A minutes walk down the corridor, I came across an obscure muggle object that was playing some kind of muggle music out of two little pods on string. I took it back into my office to inspect it and after a great deal of time and whiskey, I found that the two little pods were to place in ones ear.

After hearing the first few songs, I became infected with the mesmerising lyrics, 'My loneliness is killing me, I must confess, I still believe…' but now it's become an obsession. I find myself teaching classes humming along to such songs as 'The Heart Will Go On', 'Papa Don't Preach' and 'I Will Survive,' which I find particularly empowering.

What should I do? If anyone were to find out, I could never show my face again.

Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Minerva,

I'm glad you felt you could turn to me, and rest assured, no being at Hogwarts will ever learn my true identity. I think it's important to remember that your infatuation is not hurting anyone but yourself and so only you can gain from giving it up. Perhaps you could send it me? I must admit I am intrigued to discover how a muggle object could work in the grounds.

Here is what we'll do, Minerva: send me the object when you receive this reply and I shall return it to you should you write to me three more times, asking for it back.

Only then will you learn how to function without this addiction.

Madame Vulture

Dear Madame Vulture,

It's me again! The advise you gave me on that red lipstick really worked, thank you!

But, I'm writing about something way more serious now: there's a guy in Ravenclaw that Parvati really likes called Terry Boot and I figure that going out with him will be the perfect way to get back at her for doing better in that Divination exam.

Typical Parvati, she still won't admit to copying me on question 14.

Anyway, what do you suggest?

Your Biggest Fan,

Lavender Brown

Lavender,

Do you really think that this is the way to get back at Parvati? I mean, you two have been friends since like, forever, it would be a shame to through the relationship away just because of a silly little test. Maybe its time for you to be the biggest person and forgive Parvati?

P.S. A little bird tells me that Terry Boot is more of a Unicorn that a Hippogriff, if you catch my drift?

Madame Vulture

Dear Madame Vulture,

Is it true that the second floor girls bathroom is haunted?

Yours, Colin Creevey

Colin,

Yes,

Madame Vulture