Chapter 22: If there's a will, there's a way
She knew the moment Seth left the chamber tensed and scowling two days ago that everything was not fine between the pharaoh and the priest. She knew the moment she heard them argue that the priest will not perform the ritual. But despite all these, she knew she couldn't do anything to help them. It was their choice; she had no right to interfere.
"What will happen if the priest refuses to perform the ritual?" Karimu voiced out as the three remaining priests met at the empty throne room. Shadi shook his head, inwardly torn. Part of him was glad that the ritual would not continue. Who wouldn't? He was Atemu's friend, like Isis and Karimu, why will he allow the other to die? Although his sense of responsibility protested, they must do everything to save the people as the High Priests of the land but at the cost of their pharaoh's life? And if this was how he felt, then there's no doubt the pharaoh was experiencing twice or even thrice of what they are undergoing.
Not one dared answer Karimu's question for they all know that the answer does not lie before them. They were all torn, they couldn't decide whether to support the pharaoh or argue. But now what mattered to them most was the eventual destruction of the blooming love the pharaoh and his high priest shared.
Day turned to night but as the three priests went on with the usual tasks of taking care of the kingdom while Atemu and Seth, whom by the way refused to grace anyone with his presence, continued to hide from each other. This cannot continue, they all agreed. The two cousins had the most wonderful relationship and they were happy for their pharaoh after all that he went through. If only they could decide whom to side with?
"My pharaoh," they chorused as Atemu entered the throne room. From that moment on, Isis swore she could feel her heart break. Never, never in her entire life, had she seen the pharaoh reflect his feelings in his alluring eyes. They were dull, lifeless—it was as if his life had just flashed before him.
"Will anyone of you report to me the day's events while I was gone?" the pharaoh asked. No 'Shadi (or Karimu), status report, please.' Just a simple unlikely 'Will anyone of you report…' Whatever happened between the pharaoh and the priest had affected the monarch greatly, it was plain to see.
For the first time in their lives, Shadi and Karimu didn't have the guts to talk to their pharaoh. If only the situation isn't that serious. Isis gave them an accusing look, signaling them to talk but as they opened their mouths, no words came out. They were speechless.
Atemu waited patiently for anyone to utter a single word but not one came. Although it did surprise him, he understood them. They, after all, witnessed what happened in the same room between him and Seth. Was he wrong to choose what is right for his people? How can Seth not understand the responsibility he, as pharaoh, has for the kingdom? But was it also wrong for him to just choose what he wanted? Was it wrong to choose life?
"Excuse me," he said and left the room to hide in the safety of his private chambers. Damn his tears. He was pharaoh, he couldn't risk anyone to spot his weakness or else the entire kingdom will fall. And if it does, it will be his entire fault.
Why can't he be just like everyone else with his or her own private problems to face? Why must he always be the martyr? Does the gods really hate him that much to curse his life?
Maybe Seth did have a point. Did he really want to die and leave his Seth? Was everything that he had said to his cousin a lie? They promised they will always be together no matter what happens and now, will he be breaking his promise?
Love or People? What must he choose? Will he be the pharaoh who will give everything for his people or for once be selfish and satisfy one small need, which is to be with his lover?
Three days, Hasan said. He only had three days before the ritual must be performed. And two days have passed; two useless days have passed without any decision. But it's too hard to choose!
He's going to die, for pity's sake! Why can't he be selfish for once and let the world succumb to whatever fate it has? Why must he die for the people he barely even know and leave the people he loved the most?
'I am fated to love you and you to love me in return'Fate. What if Seth was right? What if fate never existed? What if this was only a cruel and sick joke played on him? And he shamefully fell into this trap.
'A pharaoh is always responsible for his people's welfare. Remember that, Atemu'
His father's wise words. His father, unlike him, so strong and wise. He must be responsible. That's why he was pharaoh. And acting being un-pharaoh like will only disgrace his father.
And as usual, instead of finding answers to his questions, Atemu has once again added a new dilemma to his unsolvable problem. The pharaoh closed his eyes as the breeze passed through him, as if giving him comfort, as if urging him to take a break and relax. But he couldn't. Everyone's fate depended on him. The gods chose him—
The gods. How he despised them now. After all that he went through, this is his reward. They really had an odd sense of humor. And if you asked him, it sucked. He had lost everyone that was close to him except Seth and his High Priests. The gods had struck everyone else dead and now they want to make his and Seth's life miserable. It's so damn unfair!
Tears were already flowing freely on his face as bottled up frustration and anger and desperation and confusion were released. What was wrong in him loving someone? Why of all times must he die when he had already found the person who will cherish him? Why him? What did they want from him?
He was wrong. Of course Seth was merely reacting. Because of his rash decision, he had lost the only person he loved the most. He had lost his cousin because of this sick joke the gods were playing.
How he wanted to turn back time and pretend nothing like this will ever happen. How he wished he still had his Seth.
For some unknown reasons, Seth was beyond angry. He was furious at something he couldn't point at. Was he angry with his cousin? Was he angry with the gods who continued playing with Atemu's life? Who exactly was he angry with?
His chest ached, it constricted painfully. It hurts; it hurts to know that Atemu must die from his own hands. Had he reacted rashly? How can he understand? Did Atemu even know what he's asking him to do? Atemu wanted him to kill him, for pity's sake! How exactly will he understand that?
Atemu's death will result in the life of many. Some who deserved to die, some who deserved to be punished. Someone as pure as him will die for those who must be punished. What kind of prank is this?
He wanted to cry. He wanted to release all his frustration. He can't deny the fact that the only thing that can save them now was Atemu's death. He cannot deny that for he knew deep inside that there's no other way. But he also knew that no matter how he tried to think rationally, he couldn't accept the fact that he will lose his Atemu.
He wanted to shout at the gods, who if he didn't know better, were probably laughing their heads off as they watched them like characters of some stereotyped drama. Were they just puppets? There's no such thing as fate but even though he continued denying it, why can he still feel that somehow, in the next lifetime perhaps, things will change?
Seth breathed deeply to calm himself. They had avoided each other for two days already. Maybe that was more than enough for Atemu to see reason.
"You know that it is his responsibility to make sure of your safety, Seth."
Seth turned around to see the deceased high priest standing proudly behind him with the usual stern gaze fixed on him.
"Shut up, Mahado. Everyone has limitations, including him," he argued. Mahado shook his head and silently chuckled to himself.
"Seriously, Seth, do you think he has a choice?"
The words, for the first time, hit the other priest hard. Of course he doesn't have a choice. His actions must always guarantee the safety of his people. He never had a choice.
"Yes," he answered instead.
"I know when you're lying," Mahado said, "He is pharaoh, you must always remember that he still has duties to perform to his people. I know you know that."
"How can you accept this easily!" Seth exclaimed, "How can you accept that he has to die when you also love him! This is just an act of stupidity and I can't believe of all people, you will be the first person I'll meet who accepts his decision."
Mahado waited patiently for the other to stop, at the same time spotting the pharaoh in the balcony of his chambers. He could see tear tracks from his position. He sighed and caught the other priest's attention.
"Look at him, Seth," he started, forcing the other to look at their oblivious (and crying) pharaoh. He heard the other silently gasp, "So what if he's in the balcony?" Seth asked, hiding the guilt he felt.
"You're making things complicated. He's miserable; I know you can see it. Of course you don't want him to die. If I had the power to prevent it to happen, then this will not happen. But now, you must accept that he has no decision to make. He needs you, we can all see that, and knowing that you refuse to give him the support he needs from you, it hurts him even more," Mahado pointed out.
Seth grunted, "What's your point? Are you saying that I can't have a say in this matter? You're forgetting I'm his lover. I have every right to react. Not to mention I have to kill him. You take my place and you'll know what I feel," he answered as he prepared to leave but Mahado stopped him.
"He doesn't need another guardian, Seth. He already has me and Hasan," Mahado paused, satisfied to see Seth stop, "What he needs is your love. And love isn't always about protection. What he needs now is a person who will remain by his side and if you're asking me, right now, he's all alone." And then Mahado was gone, leaving Seth to make a decision.
Atemu didn't move nor did he react when he heard the door close. He felt numb. He couldn't think. It was as if his tears had somehow clouded his mind. Everything was blurry to him. How can he be so stupid? He always believed in the power of friendship and cooperation but now, he was wrong.
When the time comes, you'll end up counting on the only person who can understand you: yourself. He knew that. Now. He was alone. Who would care anyway if he dies? He will just be another pharaoh to add to the list of the deceased pharaohs of the kingdom. No one cares if he died because of others.
Atemu gasped in surprise, his eyes widening in slight panic and terror when two arms snaked around his waist and pulled him towards the owner. "I'm sorry," he heard the other whisper but he didn't answer. What is he going to answer? 'I forgive you?'
Seth frowned, feeling the other tense up and remain silent. "I'm sorry, Atemu, I really am. Please forgive me," he tried again. The pharaoh felt new tears appear as his heart broke. He didn't know why exactly. It was just an illusion. Seth wasn't really in his chamber and embracing him. He wasn't really placing a kiss on his hair and wiping his tears. It was a figment of his imagination. A hallucination, perhaps.
He closed his eyes, "Go away. You're just a dream, go away," he murmured. Seth turned the other around so that they could meet face-to-face, "I'm real, Atemu, open your eyes," he answered.
Atemu shook his head, "You're just an illusion. Go away and leave me be!" he answered, "Why must you always find a way to hurt me further?"
"Atemu, open your eyes!" Seth ordered. It hurts to hear the other say that. But the other still refused.
"You will not order me around. You're a hallucination!" Atemu argued. Suddenly, lips crashed into his and he opened his eyes in shock, breaking the kiss abruptly as he took a step back.
"S-Seth!" he cried, torn whether to act as if nothing happened, relieved or something. The priest pulled the other into an embrace, glad that the other no longer thought of him as an illusion.
"I'm sorry, Seth," Atemu whispered, "I should have considered how you will feel. I just want you to know that I'm not going to continue the ritual," he said, burying his head in the other's chest.
Seth grasped the other's chin and forced him to meet his gaze, "No, you will do no such thing," he said, seeing the confusion in the other's eyes, he added, "I understand now. I should be supporting you, Atemu, not leaving you. You're the pharaoh, it is what you're expected to do and I just want you to know that I accept that."
Atemu didn't know whether to be glad, relieved or gloomy. All he knew was that he was overwhelmed by the fact that Seth was here. He embraced the other, "I promise we will be together," he whispered, "Perhaps in another lifetime," he added.
"I don't care as long as I get to spend my life with you," Seth answered, claiming the other's lips in the sweetest of kisses.
Later that night, Seth stared his love's sleeping form, admiring the other. They will meet again, Atemu had promised him that they will meet again. And he believed that. There will be no turning back now, he mused. They only have one day left before the ritual.
He swore he would do everything to make the other happy even if they only have one day. Anything less is not accepted. Kissing the other lightly first, he smiled and drifted to sleep. He have to remember to thank Mahado when he has the time.
A/N: Nope, I don't have any idea why the title's like that. Finally! I know I kept you waiting. I'm really sorry about that. Man, I never thought school could be this hectic! Guess how many chapters left? I think you guys already have the idea. Anyway, was it good? Don't forget to drop a word or two. Seriously, I would really like to hear from you.
Oh yeah, I would also like to thank the following:
Aura Serene
Yami Val
Cherry fantasy
Toxic Hathor
You guys are the best!