It was Saturday, the day where everyone has the day off to do whatnot.

RICK held a large cheesy-looking laser gun in his hand. On the side of the gun was a small keyboard and screen, it looked rather technical, and strange. "Look at this sweet gun! It let's you make anyone do anything!"

Most of the army just walked away, uninterested, except for Canas and Kent.

Kent took a look at RICK, "How'd you get out of jail, RICK?"

RICK laughed, "Ah ha ha! I had a few friends who were willing to lend a hand, same cool peeps who gave me this laser gun!"

Kent raised an eyebrow, "Where's Karel?"

RICK looked depressed, "Oh, well, he wasn't as lucky. They sent him to a metal institution, I'd rescue him, but I think it's for the best. I mean, he kept on muttering all this crap about how Jaffar was some sinister alien cow, planning taking over the world by making everyone lactose intolerant, so that he can save his cow brothers and sisters."

Jaffar walked by, but abruptly stopped. He turned a corner and listened to RICK and Kent's conversation eagerly.

RICK chuckled, "That's lame because, people still eat hamburgers, and the cows will still be eaten."

Jaffar narrowed his eyes, "Damn…" he muttered.

Kent laughed, "Is that so? What other nonsense did he say?"

RICK continued, "Oh, he said that somehow he switched brains with Jaffar for a day, and saw all of his 'evil plans' He said that Jaffar had a whole other life with his other alien cow friends, and the reason why he doesn't speak much is, the whole time he's talking he's resisting the temptation to eat your hair."

Canas put hands on his hair protectively and laughed along with RICK and Kent.

Kent asked, "Does Jaffar have an alien cow name? Is Jaffar just a fake name?"

RICK said, "Oh, yeah, he said Jaffar's real name was Melody Moo-Moo! What a stupid name!"

Kent cackled, "Yeah, that's SO RETARDED!"

Canas giggled, "That's SO LAME! WHAT A STUPID NAME!"

Jaffar suddenly exploded, he turned the corner so that he was completely visibly in front of them, and "It's a beautiful name! My mother gave me that name—I mean, I wish my mother gave me that—it's a great name—and I will stop the hamburgers from being—SHUT UP!"

RICK, Canas, and Kent stood perfectly still, eyes so wide, pupils shrunken in shock.

Jaffar stormed off, leaving them completely speechless.

Canas changed the subject, "So what can your gun do RICK?"

RICK laughed, "Ah ha ha! It can make anyone do anything, watch in amazement and utter shock! Eliwood!"

Eliwood stopped walking and scoffed, "What do you want?"

RICK typed something strange on the keyboard of the gun and fired it at Eliwood, "EAT DIRT ELIWOOD! EAT IT!"

Eliwood suddenly began eating large amounts of dirt, scooping and scooping, all into his mouth.

RICK laughed maniacally, "EAT IT ALL!"

Eliwood screamed, "OWaCK! GWACK," in reply.

Kent patted RICK on the back, "Very interesting gun RICK, we can play some serious truth or dare with this thing."

Canas smirked, "Yes, let us go out and ninja in the night!"

Kent said, "You must start our quest…"

RICK grinned, "It's baad-aaass."

-----

Pent looked at Erk, "Okay, Erk, truth or dare?"

Erk scowled, "Dare, do your worst. I still don't understand how I'm still living anyway…"

Pent giggled, "I dare you to… EAT YOURSELF!"

Erk stood up in protest, "I refuse!" Pent typed the code in the keyboard and shot it at Erk, who instantly turned into a banana.

Colm stared, "How the hell?"

Pent cocked his head, "I typed 'eat yourself'. How did that—"

RICK scratched his head, "Oh, I forgot, you can't kill anybody, it automatically turns them into a fruit, I'm in the mood for a banana—"

Hector put a hand over RICK's mouth, "Have a heart, feed it to Eliwood, he's still been eating dirt this whole time."

RICK chuckled, "If I had a heart, I wouldn't be your tactician! Bwa ha ha!"

Lyn stood up as if felt insulted by RICK's comment. Lyn snatched the gun from Pent, shot it at Hector, who the KO'd RICK with a giant steel hammer.

Colm screeched, "What the heck!"

Hector shrugged, "What the heck," he took the gun from Lyn and fired it a Colm. At first nothing happened until Hector started making odd moaning and howling noises. At first his moaning sounded like a dying moose, but then came out in a more, "AAUUUOOO!"

Colm screamed and ran off screen, chased by a group of Manatees.

Karla grabbed the gun from Hector and shot Bartre. Nothing seemed to happen, until Bartre stood up straight and said intelligently, "E equals Mc squared."

Karla smiled for what seemed to everyone else as the first time in this young sword-weilders life, and she jumped into Baryre's arms exclaiming, "Take me away baby!"

Everyone was sucked into a violet-colored vortex, and was floating around helplessly.Chairs andother furniture began swiliring around at fast speeds. Hectorwas on a table, clinging to it for life.

Florina screamed, "Bartre was never supposed to be smart! That's not possible!"

Everyone screamed as various amounts began changing and mutating. Serra tranformed into a fish and everyone was completely disturbed, except for the Erk banana who smiled.

Florina grabbed the gun and blasted Bartre back to stupidity, everything went back to normal and they landed back inside their tent.

Karla scowled, "Ruin my dream why don't you?"

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, then went on as if everything was dandy, and that thety didn't just almost destroy the whole fabric of reality.

Farina grabbed the gun from her sister she shot it at Hector, who was teleported into another dimension. "That's for judging how much I was worth!" she yelled after him.

Everyone stole the gun from somebody and the madness only calmed for a moment when everyone lost their opposable thumbs or the ability to pick up a gun.

The Erk banana screamed as a shrunken Guy monkey tried to pick him up. Erk hopped away quickly though, and an octopus Oswin turned Guy into a lemon kieshe.

Around Erk, the whole Fire Emblem army had been turned into something strange. Sain, Rath, and Mathew had been turned into babies.

Rath screamed and started crying, "No! Must I go through puberty again?"

Erika had Wallace's foot permanently stuck in her mouth. "Wampo, wah wah wah!" She said angrily.

Her brother Ephraim, who was now half of a biscuit translated, "She said, 'This tastes horrible!' and if you wish understand how horrible it tastes takea large piece ofpaper and write 'horrible' in big letters, then bold it, make it in all capitalize letters, and underline it, then circle it… Argh! I can't take it! She thinks it's so horrible that she's only got a fat old guys foot in her mouth—I'm half a biscuit! Half, Erika you bitch! That fat monkey ate my legs! Somebody shoot me! The pain, the anxiety! Don't you talk to me about pain!"

When he said, fat monkey, he pointed to a large gorilla holding a small girl. The gorilla was Jaffar, the girl, Nino. The Gorrila Jaffar climbed the now skyscraper Mryhh.

Three jet planes flewfilled with Lute, Lowen, and Kyle. The flew around Jaffar and shot missiles at him, while he protected Nino in his hand.

Jaffar lept up and smashed the second jet plane out of the air. Lowen screamed as the plane fell out of the ari, spinning out of control before he crashed.

The plane shot Jaffar one last time, hard in the back and Jaffar set Nino down before falling into a puddle of saliva, which used to be Wil.

The now slug-Renault slithered over and muttered, "So it was Beauty that killed the beast…" his eyes glittered and he said it as intelligent-sounding as he could.

A raven-Raven cawed, "No, you dumbass, I think it was the freakin' airplanes!"

The slug Renault smiled, "Yes, now my friend, let us fly."

Raven raised an eyebrow, "What, friend, I barely know you."

Renault leapt onto Raven. Raven cawed in protest, "Get off! I'm not taking you anywhere!"

Renault pointed ahead, "There's your sister off, with some guy!"

Raven flew off with Renault on his back, "Hold on tight old man!"

Nils walked around crying, his underwear had been pulled up to his armpits and refused to go down, "What could be worst that this!" he cried.

A lot of annoyed yells came from the rest of the army. Ephraim especially, "I'm half of a fuckin' biscuit!"

Lucius screamed, "I'm Rath's diaper!"

The whole army silenced, and then nodded. "That's pretty bad." They all muttered.

Lucius smiled, "Well I guess it's not the worst, since it would be great if I were master Raven's diaper."

Everyone silenced again, but then concerned muttering began.

Lucius turned red, "Oh my, did I day that out loud?"

------

Eliwood stopped eating dirt when all he found was air. He looked around him and found that he was indeed, in China.

Eliwood also noticed that he was about four times his regular size. Eliwood groaned, the relief of not eating dirt was there, and the taste of eating dirt remained. His stomach ached. He blubbered over to a Chinese lady and asked, "Do you have any.. ugh… Pepto Bismal?"

The old lady poked his beer belly and remarked, "人，不是您小猪! 并且我认为他们说美国人是公正超重，我的善良!"

(Ephraim translated, "This lady says, 'Man, aren't you a porker! And I thought they said that people from America were just overweight! My goodness!"

And then Eliwood stared as she walked off, feeling sorry for himself. "Well, Eliwood, you just got turned fat; I mean you were already ugly! I hate you! I'm half of a biscuit!" Ephraim shook his fist at Eliwood angrily.

Suddenly, Ephraim narrowed his little biscuit eyes and felt him being lifted up. His biscuit body then began orbiting around fat-ass Eliwood.

"Aww… fuck you. I HATE YOU!" Ephraim hissed and screamed as he continued orbiting.)

-----

Olivia walked into the tent with her hands on her hips. She turned around, then back again and saw puddles of crap, spit, and gross liquids. She saw strange animals of all kinds and some things she could not describe. Some of the army had been turned into children, babies, and old men. However, she couldn't really see anyoneshe instantly recongnizedfrom the Fire Emblem army.

She called, "RICK? What happened?" she picked up every strange creature, looked at every strange object/animal/puddle of something-ness, until she found a small, cross-eyed bulldog with a name tag that said 'RICK' in all capital letters.

Olivia picked the puppy up, "RICK? Is that you?"

The RICK puppy didn't answer but tried to lick the peanut butter off the tip of his nose. However, the peanut butter was screaming, and was really Kent.

Olivia sighed, "RICK, I told you to use the gun carefully. I'm very disappointed in you."

Olivia paused, "RICK? Can you hear me?"

The puppy nodded and said, "Yes, but I'm too busy resisting the temptation to lick my balls to answer."

Olivia grimaced, "Ah, well, I'm taking the gun from you, since neither you nor your army could be responsible."

As Olivia walked out with the gun slung across her shoulder she laughed manically. All the other inanimate objects, didn't notice, nor the animals, nor RICK, who was too busy fulfilling that urge.

END OF CHAPTER 5

Jaffar hastily stirred a concoction labeled 'Lactose prototype one'. He turned behind him, "Oh, you're still here, aye?" He hid the potion quickly, spilling some and knocking over a lot of stuff in the process.

-Massive sound of glass breaking-

Jaffar laughed uneasily, "Eh, heh, heh… Umm… Anyways, the next chapter will be about some of the characters turning into kids and going to school."

Jaffar paused, looking as though he was thinking about something. Whatever he was thinking about, right then, he decided apparently, it was a good idea.

"YOU WILL STOP EATING MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS!" he screamed and ran off.

Jaffar returned laughing uneasily again, as he grabbed the 'Lactose prototype one' and ran off again, knocking over even more glass jars and such.