I know I say this every time but thank you so so much for your lovely reviews. They really mean a lot to me, and it's so nice to know that people are enjoying reading it as much I enjoyed writing it. Thank you!
"You gotta make choices, be wrong or right. Sometimes you gotta sacrifice the things you like."
"Where is she? What's wrong with her?" Rose demanded as soon as she came within earshot of Jackie. She looked into the room her mum was sitting outside. There was a window and she could see a doctor examining Tala. She looked so small and fragile. She'd let her down, again; she hadn't been there when she needed her mum. Instead she'd been messing around with some bloke she should have put out of her mind a long time ago, just like he'd put her out of his.
"The doctor's just checking her over," Jackie explained. She put an arm around her daughter. "She'll be fine, Rose. Have you been crying?"
Rose wiped a mascara stain away with her hand. "No, I was just…" She shrugged. "What do they think is wrong with her?"
"They haven't said," Jackie replied. "Listen, Howard's just gone to get us some drinks. Do you want one?"
"No." Rose shook her head.
"I'd love a cup of tea," the Doctor said.
Jackie suddenly realised he was there and erupted into action. "What's he doing here? You've got a nerve if you think…"
"Mum!" Rose warned her. "Can I… can we go in?"
Jackie looked from her daughter to him. "You can, sweetheart. But do you really want him?"
"Yes Mum." Rose nodded. "He knows." She looked at him. He was gazing through the window, his eyes not moving from her tiny body. He'd been virtually silent on the taxi ride over. The taxi driver, Dave as he had informed them within seconds of them getting in, had regaled Rose with stories of his own two kids' hospital adventures. She was sure that he was just trying to help, but she really didn't want to hear about the million and one ways children could get injured or ill. Still, he'd undercharged them, accepting her meagre fiver without any hassle.
"That's fine, love," he said as he shoved it into his pocket. "Now don't you worry, she'll be fine."
Now the Doctor was completely absorbed in Tala; he looked like he did when he saw something particularly wonderful up on some far away planet. In awe. Rose reached out and tugged on his jacket sleeve gingerly.
"Are you coming?"
He turned to look at her, looking surprised that she'd spoken. He'd obviously been a long way away. It took him a moment to respond.
"Oh, right," he said finally. "Um… do you think that would… I mean…" He scratched the back of his neck anxiously. "What I mean is…" He hesitated. "Yeah. Sure I'm coming."
He followed her into the room where a doctor was just finishing some routine examinations. He was marking things down on a sheet of paper as they entered.
"Ah, you must be Miss Tyler," he said, smiling briefly. He looked the Doctor up and down. "And you are…?"
"A friend," Rose said quickly, feeling herself flush bright red for an instant. "We were out for dinner. How's Tala?"
"She's fine," the doctor insisted. "Her temperature's coming down now, and all her responses are normal. We'll just keep her in over night to check her." He finished making notes. "Honestly, she's fine," he smiled and squeezed Rose's shoulder. "If you need anything, just call for the nurse." He walked out leaving the two of them alone.
Rose was completely absorbed in Tala for several minutes, forgetting that the Doctor was even on the same planet let alone in the same room. That momentarily hurt the Doctor; once upon a time he'd been the most important thing in her world. She'd have died for him. She almost did. Now he was just another person, totally eclipsed by this baby. He couldn't hold it against her for long though.
After checking Tala over, as if the doctors didn't know what they were looking for, Rose turned back to him.
"Well," she said awkwardly, biting her lip. "Do you want to meet her?"
He nodded and stepped forwards. Rose picked up Tala carefully and turned towards him.
"This is Tala," she said softly, unable to resist kissing her daughter's head gently and burying her nose in her delicious baby smell. "Tala… this is the Doctor." Her eyes flicked upwards to meet his momentarily. Luckily he didn't appear too bothered that she hadn't introduced him as Tala's father.
The Doctor's face broke out in a broad smile as he looked at Tala. He offered her his finger, which she caught at tightly and giggled slightly.
"She likes you," Rose said, unsure whether to be pleased at that or not. Part of her wanted to tell her daughter off. For God's sake, Tala, one smile from an attractive man and you're putty in his hands! Still, like mother like daughter.
"I like her," the Doctor replied, still grinning. "She's lovely, Rose." He hesitated. "Can I… can I hold her?"
Rose hesitated too. It was so simple, just to hand Tala over, but it was so much more than that. It would mean acceptance of him being back and being a part of Tala's life. She just didn't know if she was ready for that. She pulled a face. "I don't know, she's a bit funny with strangers…"
"I'm not a stranger," the Doctor said. "I'm her dad."
The door opened and they both turned to look.
"Is she okay?" Jackie came into the room, carrying a cup of coffee. A man followed. Jackie gave the Doctor a fierce glare before proceeding to check Tala over herself.
"She's fine, Mum," Rose replied. "Hi Howard." She looked at the Doctor. "Doctor, this is…"
"Howard!" The Doctor launched himself towards the other man, who looked taken aback. He was more than a little relieved when this stranger simply offered his hand to shake. "I wore your dressing gown once! You like apples!"
Howard looked at both Jackie and Rose. Jackie finally spoke.
"Didn't I say he was strange?"
Howard nodded. "Um, so, is Tala okay then, Rose?"
"I think so." Rose nodded. "They're just going to keep her in over night." She smoothed the few hairs on her daughter's head down. "Mum, can you just watch her for a bit?" she asked, handing her over to Jackie.
"What?" Jackie frowned, taking her grand-daughter. "Well, where are you going?"
"I'm just going to get a drink," Rose explained, catching the Doctor's eye.
"Well, Howard can do that." Jackie gestured to her boyfriend.
"No, it's fine," Rose insisted. "We've got stuff to talk about."
Howard nodded. "There's a machine just down the corridor. We'll come and get you if you're needed."
"Thanks." Rose smiled and led the way out of the room. Before the door had even closed she could hear her mum snapping at Howard.
"Howard! You could have got her a drink at least!"
"She wanted to go herself! I think they need to talk anyway." The door closed behind them. Rose let out a long sigh.
"Are you okay?" the Doctor asked, looking down at her.
Rose nodded. "Yeah, fine. Let's get a drink."
"So how old is she?"
"Three months." Rose took a sip of the coffee she'd got from the machine and struggled to swallow. This was even worse than the black stuff she'd made on board the TARDIS on those nights when she didn't want to sleep. She couldn't resist adding, "Obviously."
The Doctor nodded. "Yeah, I suppose that would make sense. Did you…did you know when…?"
"No, Doctor." Rose shook her head. "I had no idea when you dumped me back here."
He looked slightly hurt. "It wasn't exactly like that, Rose."
"Then what was it like?"
"You know."
"No I don't." Rose looked at him. "So explain."
The Doctor shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Well, it's just… being a Time Lord isn't all easy you know, Rose, it's a big responsibility. There's the universe to think of and then…"
"Yeah, yeah. That old excuse." Rose was being slightly more rude than she'd intended to be, but she was finding it quite liberating. Anyway, she'd learnt it all from him.
"It's not an excuse, Rose. It's the truth." He rubbed his eyes, trying to find the right words. "It's like… everything I do has consequences, but I still have to make choices. I never know what the consequences will be until I make that choice. And they could be catastrophic, Rose, they could be like Armageddon, end of the world, death-to-all, plain bad. But they seem like the right idea at the time."
Rose shrugged. "That's the same for most people."
"No it's not!" He gritted his teeth, trying not to lose his temper with her. "Rose, if you make a bad choice, who does it affect? You, and maybe your mum-"
"And Tala," Rose interrupted, glaring at him.
He lost some of his aggression. "Well, yeah, I guess. But imagine if the choice you made impacted on the whole world, the whole universe, the whole of space and time…" He tailed off. "But you know all this."
Rose shook her head. The Doctor frowned.
"The letter. I said all this in the letter."
"What letter?"
"The letter!" he stressed. "The one I wrote you, the one I left in your diary… Rose, tell me you read the letter."
Rose shook her head. "I… I don't know what you're talking about. What letter?"
"Oh God!" the Doctor exclaimed loudly and walked away from her distractedly. She could hear him muttering words under his breath. Galifreyan cursings no doubt. After a while, he came back.
"When I… went away," he said awkwardly. "I left you a letter in your diary to explain things. Did you not read it?"
"I didn't know it existed until about five minutes ago," Rose pointed out. "So no, I didn't read it."
"Oh Rose!" He'd gone a very pale colour. "Rose, I'm so sorry, I… I thought you'd definitely look in your diary, you're always writing things in there!"
"Yeah, well, I didn't really feel like reading it after you'd gone. It hurt too much."
The Doctor suddenly crouched down in front of her and took her hands, forcing her to drop her half-empty coffee cup on the floor. "Rose, I'm so so sorry. No wonder you hate me! I mean, even with the letter you'd probably hate me, but without it…"
"What's so special about this letter?" Rose asked.
The Doctor paused. "I think you ought to read it for yourself," he said finally. "I just… oh Rose, I didn't mean to hurt you like this, it's just sometimes… you can't have everything you want. Sometimes you have to give up what you want, what you like, what you…" He stood up again and stared out of the window for a few minutes. When he spoke again his tone had changed and so had his topic. "So… Tala's a nice name."
"It means…"
"Wolf. Yeah, I know." He give her a weak smile. "I had some Red Indian friends back in the day."
"Quelle surprise." Rose managed to work up enough humour to tease him. "My mum thought I was crazy calling her that. Tala Tyler."
He grinned. "Well, that is a bit cruel! So, how much Galifreyan is she?" he asked. "Has she got two-?"
"Just the one," Rose replied abruptly. "Thank God. Imagine explaining that to the doctors!"
"It would be a bit awkward," this Doctor agreed. "So no other signs of her being a Time Lady then?"
"Not as yet." Rose shook her head. "She hasn't regenerated as yet. But she is only three months old. Though she is a bit advanced for her age. She's been sleeping through the night for ages!"
The Doctor grinned broadly. "That's my girl!"
There was a long awkward pause. Then Rose stood up.
"We better get back to her," she said, putting her cup in the bin. "She'll wonder where we've gone."
Lyrics from "Born to Try" by Delta Goodrem... yeah, I was listening to the album when the idea came into my head!