A/N: Thank you everyone for your overwhelming reviews on the latest chapter. I was convinced that you would hate me afterwards, but fortunately, you didn't;) I really hope you'll think of this chapter as exciting, it's the longest chapter in the second half of the story. There's a lot of feelings and stuff and I hope you like it. Also, be kind about any grammatical errors I made, I'm publishing this chapter in a rush because I'm off to a 5 day vacation tomorrow and I didn't want you to have to wait so long for a new one.

If I'm Not In Love

If I'm not in love with you

What is this I'm going through

Tonight

And if my heart is lying then

What should I believe in

Why do I go crazy

Everytime I think about you, baby

Why else do I want you like I do?

If I'm not in love with you

(Faith Hill, If I'm not in love)

"So she's really gone now. Like, completely?" Chris asked the next morning when he and Seth walked over the campus together under Chris' pink umbrella. Normally Seth would have been embarrassed to no end to walk under a pink umbrella, but today was different. He knew he had made the right decision by breaking up with Amy, and his heart felt like flying.

Okay, he still felt a little stupid for his staring-at-Summer-attacks from the day before in the café, but when he had woken up in the morning all he had felt was happiness. He intended to wait for Summer's call today, and then he would ask her out, well, not really out, but he would ask her to go to the movies – as friends. Afterwards he was planning on having some coffee with her, and that would be the perfect moment to tell her what was really going on.

He couldn't wait for it. The mere imagination of telling Summer "I love you" after so many years made him feel idiotically happy.

"Like, completely." Seth replied contenly and rubbed his hands.

"You don't seem to take it that hard, huh?" Chris asked and moved closer to Seth because the rain was intensifiying.

Seth laughed and shook his head. "Wasn't it you that always told me I'm in love with Summer? Wasn't it you who kept saying I'm with the wrong person? Now I'Ve chosen to be with the right one and you don't like it either. Man, you're hard to please."

"That's because I'm a girl at heart." Chris replied and giggled while Seth shook his head.

"Gross."

"What's gross about that? Well, it doesn't matter. This is so exciting! So you're free for Summer now?" Chris said and laid an arm around Seth's shoulders.

With a disgusted look on his face Seth sighed. "Dude, take that arm away from there or something bad might happen."

Grinning broadly, Chris pulled his arm away and sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm just so excited! When are you gonna tell her?"

"That's so none of your business."

"Come oooon. You started it. Now I wanna hear ALL of the details."

Seth smiled and shook his head. "We'll go and see a movie tonight, and afterwards I wanna tell her."

Suddenly, Chris stopped in his tracks and grinned. "I've never seen you so happy. Your eyes are glowing."

Shaking his head, Seth grinned, showing off his dimples. "I've never felt so happy. Dude, I'm not even afraid that she's not gonna want me back. I feel it in my bones that she still loves me."

From Chris' ultra-happy grin Seth knew what was about to follow, and usually, he would have done everything to avert it. But today was different, and so he gladly accepted Chris' hug.

Two guys hugging under a pink umbrella, and Seth Cohen didn't feel embarrassed at all. That was what love made out of you.

"Aww, look who's cuddling!" Jenny's voice interrupted the pseudo-makeout session and Chris backed away from Seth.

"Good to see you too, Jen." Seth said, still not able to stop smiling.

"Thanks Seth. You are the cutest couple."

"Hee, thanks." Chris replied and blushed a little while Seth shook his head.

"In your dreams, woman. We were just celebrating."

"Oh so you already heard? I'm surprised you're taking it so well." Jenny said, not aware that what she was about to say now would ruin Seth's mood for the day completely.

"Heard what?" the two boys asked simultaneously, and Jenny's eyes narrowed.

"That Craig proposed to Summer last night?"

Seth had never believed that your mood could swing from super happy to super depressed in no time, but it was true. Had he felt like smiling forever just a few minutes ago, he now felt as if his heart had been torn apart right in his chest. "Proposal?" he asked, his voice croaky and his eyes wide in shock.

"So you didn't know." Jenny stated and bit her lip. "Craig asked Summer to marry him last night, on Sears Tower."

Sears Tower. Could this man get any cheesier?

Summer was engaged. She would marry another man. She didn't love him. She probably had stopped loving him that long time ago when they had decided to go their separate ways in Freshman year.

The realization of that hit Seth like a sledge hammer, and all of a sudden, he felt the urge to run and sort out his thoughts. And he knew exactly where he would go.

Without looking at Jenny or Chris Seth started to walk away, slowly at first until he was jogging slightly towards the elevated train station.

"Seth! Where are you going?" Chris yelled after him, but he didn't feel like turning around. It seemed like the world hated him right now, and he definitely hated the world. And whoever was living on it.

Sighing, Jenny watched as Seth ran away and shook her head. "I'm just so stupid." She said.

"Let's just say it wasn't your smartest move." Chris stated and shook his head for emphasize.

"I should have known that he didn't know. He looked way too happy when I bumped into you."

Chris looked on the ground and hesitated for a moment. "He broke up with Amy to confess Summer his love. We finally got him where we wanted him…"

"…and now he feels like everything's ruined." Jenny completed the sentence and stomped her foot. "Silly!" she yelled at herself. "Chris, she hasn't even answered yet. She isn't sure if she really wants to marry Craig! There's still a chance for those two!"

Chris' eyes widened in surprise. "She hasn't answered yet? Jenny, why haven't you said that earlier?"

Blushing, Jenny shrugged. "He was too busy planning his escape from us." She said, looking into the direction where Seth had disappeared. "We need to fix this! I gotta call Summer."

"What? Why?"

"Because she's the only person that'll get through to him right now. He'll listen only to her."

"You're right." Chris said and jumped up and down a little from excitement. Maybe things weren't completely lost yet.

Taking another sip of her orange juice, Summer headed for the phone that was impatiently ringing on the living room table. Cursing because she almost spilled the juice over the couch she picked the phone up.

"Hello?"

"Summer, you gotta talk to Seth."

"Hey Jen, nice to hear from you."

"You two are so similar it's disgusting."

Summer smiled. "Okay, so what's wrong?"

Jenny sighed. "Seth's wrong. I guess he didn't take the news about your engagement pretty well."

Frowning, Summer sat down on the couch, putting her orange juice next to her on the side table. "What do you mean?"

"I sort of spilled the news to him and he ran away. Angry or something."

For a short moment, Summer's mind began to race about what might have been going through Seth's head when he had heard about her pseudo-engagement, and she was pretty sure that he hadn't been happy about it. "And what am I gonna do about that?"

"Go and talk to him! He'll open up only to you, you know that!" Jenny hissed and Summer sighed. She knew her best friend was right about that, Seth never opened up to anyone except to her. And she couldn't help but feel slightly worried about Seth now, and she wouldn't just sit in her apartment and ignore the strange feeling in her chest.

"Okay, I will. And I also know where to find him." Summer said and Jenny sighed from relief.

"Thanks Sum."

Frowning, Summer smiled. "No problem, so I'll talk to you-" Beep Beep Beep. Jenny had hung up before Summer could finish her sentence, and she shook her head. Whatever it was that was wrong with Seth, it seemed to be urgent.

"So she's going?" Chris asked, rubbing his hands together to warm them a little.

"Yes, she is. Let's just hope they'll figure this out now." Jenny replied and leant onto Chris' side.

If someone deserved to be happy together, it were Seth and Summer – now Seth and Summer just needed to figure this out.

He was just so predictable. Every of his actions and every of his reactions had become predictable to Summer over the years, and it kept scaring her over and over again that she knew him so well.

And when Chris and Jenny had told her to better go check on Seth she knew what this all was about. He had found out about the engagement – the engagement that wasn't an engagement yet – and now he was brooding and being angry at the world for God knew what reason.

Summer walked quickly towards the shore of Lake Michigan, right up to his favorite spot of the beach, and just like she had predicted it, he stood there, hands in his pockets, staring out in onto the lake that was highlighted with decent sparks of the lights from the skyscrapers right next to the shore.

As usual in spring, the wind blew through Summer's hair and messed it all up, but she didn't care. It was rainy and windy and nobody would care right now. Sighing, she walked up to Seth, stopping when she was only a few steps behind him.

Crossing her arms in front of her chest to shelter herself from the cold wind, she sighed. "I love it when the city lights reflect on the lake." She said and watched how Seth turned around, a questioning look on his face. Summer walked up to Seth until she stood right next to him, staring out at the lake as well. "It seems so peaceful, you know."

"What are you doing here? Aren't you cold?" Seth asked without looking at her. He just turned his head away again and kept his gaze fixed on the sparkling water of Lake Michigan.

Summer's heart fell a little because of the emotionless welcome Seth had just given her.

"No, I'm fine. I figured you'd be here." She replied and looked him in the eyes. "I wanted to talk to you."

Sighing, Seth closed his eyes for a short moment, and when he opened them again he returned the look she gave him. "If you wanna talk about your engagement... I already heard that." He said and looked away again.

Summer shook her head and moved closer to Seth so that their bodies were only inches apart now. Seth had to fight the urge to push her away from him, because having the girl he loved so close to him while knowing he had just lost her to some blond advertisement business guy was slowly driving him insane.

"You know?" Summer asked, although she already had guessed that Chris and Jenny hadn't been able to shut up and let herself handle this.

Seth only nodded for an answer.

Summer bit her lip and frowned. Why the hell was Seth so cold and rejective to her? Had she done anything wrong? "Cuz, well, you know, I didn't wanna tell you and probably overwhelm you with it or something."

Seth let out a bitter laugh. "As if it would matter now."

Summer frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you're gonna marry him, so what does it matter now? I don't need to explain this to you." Seth snapped and shook his head. He hated to be so mean and rejective to Summer, but he just couldn't help himself. When he had heard that Summer might say yes to someone else than him, someone she wasn't even happy with, his heart had been shattered into pieces, and being angry at her was his usual reaction to a huge thing like that.

Summer pressed her lips tightly together, trying to suppress her own fury that was rising inside of her. She hadn't done anything wrong, and she didn't understand why Seth was acting the way he was acting right now. "I think you do." She said and nodded. "Explain."

Seth closed his eyes for a short moment and faced her again after he had opened them. "No, Summer, I don't. Because everything I wanna say right now is falling outta place cuz you're marrying him. It doesn't matter anymore what I think."

Frowning, Summer let the words he had just told her sink in. Had Jenny told him that she had said "yes" to Craig? Well, she obviously had, because why would Seth assume just like that that she was marrying Craig? She blinked twice and shook her head slightly. "I haven't given him an answer yet."

Now Seth was frowning as well, confused. "You haven't? Why?" he asked and blinked, hope rising again inside his heart. Maybe she hadn't given Craig an answer because she had finally realized that she only loved him? That their relationship was far from over?

But just as quickly as Seth's hopes had been inflamed, as quickly they were destroyed again by Summer's reply.

"I needed time to think. You know this is like huge and I don't wanna make the wrong decision." She said and sighed, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden.

"So what do you want from me now? My blessing?" The moment he had said it Seth knew that he shouldn't have, but he just couldn't help himself. If Summer didn't want to be with him, or confess her love to him, why had she come to search and talk to him in the first place? The last thing he wanted to discuss with her now was whether the ring Craig was about to give her would be good enough to build a life upon or not.

Instead of answering, Summer busied herself with studying her shoes. She had a strange feeling inside of her that made her throat go dry and her heart race in an abnormal speed, and she didn't dare to think about where it came from and why it was there.

After a few seconds without a reply from her Seth let out a bitter laugh. He had sworn to himself that he wouldn't interfere if she really wanted to marry Craig, but now that she was unsure he just needed to talk her out of it, and lead her towards the right decision. "You know what, go ahead. If you wanna ruin your life, go ahead." Surprised at the harshness of his words, Seth took a step back and shook his head. He hadn't meant for the words to sound so mean, but his defence mechanism couldn't make him tell her those things in a nicer way.

Summer swallowed and looked up again, immediately feeling hurt as soon as the words had been spoken. "What does getting married have to do with ruining my life?"

Sighing, Seth shook his head and pushed his hands further in his pockets, building a wall of defence in front of him. "Getting married doesn't ruin your life." He said and shrugged. "Marrying the wrong man, that is."

Now that was enough. Summer had tried to accept Seth's strange behavior, because she always was, but what right did he have to tell her that Craig was the wrong man for her? "So you wanna say what? That Craig isn't good enough for me?" she asked and crossed her arms in front of her chest, her face showing nothing but anger now. She didn't even care that she had been having the exact same thoughts, it was just her pride that told her to fight Seth instead of admitting he was right.

Seth stared at her, his gaze intense and sending shivers down Summer's spine. His eyes were widened twice their normal size as he was desperately trying to tell her that marrying Craig wasn't the right thing to do. "Summer, he doesn't care about you." He pointed out. "He leaves you alone half the year. Do you really think this is gonna change when you marry him?"

Summer gasped and felt a rage blackout coming up from deep inside of her, and she did her best to suppress it, at least for the moment. "He cares for me when I need him!" she yelled, totally infuriated now. "And you definitely shouldn't be the one to judge, with your 'party-is-more-important-than-my-boyfriend-ex-girlfriend.'"

She shook her head. "Besides, it would be like..." she paused a short moment before she spilled the big secret, the one Craig had been telling her today at breakfast. "He would get a new job, in a higher position... he wouldn't need to travel anymore."

Surprisingly to himself, Seth felt his body calming down and he took his hands out of his pockets to run them through his hair. "No need to travel, huh? So he would just stay here in Chicago, by your side, and play picture-perfect-husband?" Seth cleared his throat, hating it that the hurt was clearly hearable in his voice.

"Um…" Summer paused and took a deep breath, tracing the inner sides of her teeth with her tongue. She counted to three until she was sure that the rage blackout was about to stay where it was supposed to right now – inside of her. "The job would be in Atlanta, where his family's from. We'd make a whole new start."

Seth swallowed. Things were getting better and better, in an ironical way, of course, and the more the conversation went on, the more determined Summer seemed to marry her boyfriend of three years. And even though it hurt him like hell Seth hadn't missed the spark of hope in Summer's eyes when she had told him that Craig and her would be moving to Atlanta to make a new start. She actually seemed to be looking forward to not have to watch Craig leaving every couple of days.

"Atlanta?" he asked, trying to steady his voice.

"Yes, Atlanta." Summer replied and blinked back the look confusion that had been coming to her eyes.

"As in Atlanta, Georgia. Host of the Olympics in 1996?" Seth decided to do the thing he was best in – making fun out of a situation that was breaking his heart and made him so angry at the same time.

Summer nodded shyly. "Yes, that Atlanta."

And just as she expected that Seth was about to tell her what was really bothering him about the fact that she would marry Craig, Seth turned on his defence mode again, pushing his hands in his pockets and taking a few steps back. "Well then that's great. Hope you make your choice soon so I can go and pick out some sweet wedding gift for you and your future husband." Seth snapped and walked away without looking back.

Summer had had her chance to tell him what she felt about him, or Craig or God knows who, but she had preferred to chat with him about her future happy married life, and Seth just wasn't able to bear that. He couldn't stay in that place a single minute longer, and so he had walked away. He didn't want to show Summer his feelings if she cleary didn't return them, and he would be the last person to destroy a happy relationship.

Summer had wanted to call out after Seth, but as she opened her mouth nothing came out. When she had come here a few mintues ago she had been convinced to know everything about Seth, about his moods and his reactions, but he had never acted like that, mean, accusing and hurt at the same time, and Summer really didn't know where to put that. Well, in a way, she knew completely why Seth was reacting that way… she had seen the way he had been looking at her, she had felt the special way when he touched her… and she had known from the very first moment he had told her that he had broken up with Amy why he had chosen to be single again.

But Seth had never talked bad about Craig, especially not so bad as he had a few minutes earlier. He might have been right when he had said that Craig wasn't there for her all the time, but after all, Craig was a good boyfriend who really loved her and had just some problems to show that.

The longer Summer thought about Craig and the conversation or fight or whatever that had just been with Seth, the more determined her answer to Craig's question became.

And even though it was late Summer broke off in a jog to the elevated train station.

She needed to tell Craig her decision now.

The next morning, a very weary and sad Seth entered Chris' little diner, slumping down on one of the benches. He threw his arms on the table, resting his forehead on them, recalling the fight he had had with Summer the night before. He didn't even know why he had been so angry at her, it wasn't her fault that he hadn't told her his real feelings. How could he ever expect her to come back to him if she didn't know what he really felt about her?

But on the other hand, for the glimpse of a moment, Summer had actually seemed happy with the news of her possible engagement, and the last thing Seth wanted to do was to destroy any of Summer's happiness. He just loved her too much for that.

Seth didn't even notice that Chris had sat down next to him, putting a cup of coffee in front of his face. Only when he smelled the brown liquid Seth looked up and faced Chris who gave him a sympathetic look.

"So you already know." He said and shoved the cup closer to Seth who took it in both of his hands, lifting it up to his mouth.

Seth nodded, biting the insides of his cheeks. He took a sip of the coffee, letting its comfortable warmth fill his body. After nights like the one he just had, when he hadn't been sleeping for more than one hour he was always cold, and the hot coffee was just what he needed right now.

Chris reached over the table and placed a hand on Seth's bare arm, lowering his gaze. "Have you at least told her? You know, what we discussed yesterday in the afternoon."

Taking another sip, Seth shook his head, staring on the table, his eyes not willing to move. "We talked. And had a fight."

Chris took his hand back and sighed, shaking his head. "You guys are so disfunctional." He stated and rolled his eyes.

Seth put the coffee mug down angrily and leant his upper body on the table edge. "What was I supposed to do? Hurt her and tell her to leave him for me? For a short moment she actually seemed to be happy about it."

Chris stared at Seth with his eyes wide open. "In a nutshell, you should've." He sighed again. "Look, Seth, how can she ever realize that she wants to be with you if you don't tell her that you want to be with her too?"

Seth preferred not to answer and to take another sip of his coffee instead.

Chris went on. "And how can she ever leave Craig and undo the engagement if she doesn't know that YOU are the one who wants to marry her?"

"She doesn't need to undo their engagement." Seth mumbled and busied himself with the half empty cup in his hands.

Chris blinked twice and frowned. "What do you mean?"

"She hasn't even answered yet." Seth looked up again and saw how Chris' eyes widened a little more.

Chris reached out over the table again, this time grabbing Seth's arm harder and shaking it as if he wanted to wake him up from a deep sleep. "What do you mean, she hasn't even answered yet?"

Seth shrugged. "Am I talking Chinese or what? She hasn't even answered as in no "oh yes, of course I will marry you" or "leave me alone, why would I wanna marry you" kind of way."

Chris shook his head, trying to figure out what this information meant for Seth's and his mission to win Summer back. Jenny had called him last night, totally devastated about Seth and Summer's fight, and he assumed the fight had been that bad because Summer had already accepted Craig's proposal. Okay, Jenny had told him something else, but honestly, how reliable was Jenny when it came to giving good information? Chris shook his head. He had never been that confused in his entire life.

Seth cleared his throat. "She's just told him that she needs time to think and decide."

Chris gasped and clapped his hands, squeaking a little. "Darling, this is PERFECT!" he yelled and turned a bright shade of red when he realized that everyone in his little diner had their attention focused on Seth and him all of a sudden.

Seth ignored the other people's glances and just went on with the conversation. "And why is this perfect?"

Chris cleared his throat and leant a little over the table to keep their talk more private this time. "Seth, you need to tell her! It's not too late yet!"

Shaking his head firmly, Seth shoved the coffee mug to and fro between his hands on the table. "I'm not gonna destroy a happy relationship."

Chris rolled his eyes and threw his head back theatrically. "Oh. My. Gosh, would you please stop acting like a martyr? You LOVE her!"

"I do." Seth replied and lowered his gaze. "Always have. Always will."

Now Chris stood up to join Seth on his side of the table. He laid an arm around Seth's shoulders and smiled at him encouragingly. "So, why would you bother about some other guy? It can't hurt to tell her."

"Dude, take your arm away from there." Seth said, shooting Chris a disgusted look.

Smiling innocently, Chris took his arm back and rested his hands in his lap. "Arm's gone." He said. "So, did you hear what I just said? You NEED to tell her! It's your duty."

Seth frowned and moved a little away from Chris. "And why would this be my duty?"

Chris shook his head, almost desperate that Seth was so slow off the mark. "If you don't tell her now you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life! You're gonna be sitting in your rocking chair, stroking one of your five cats, and you're gonna be wondering how your life might have been if you had told her that you loved her and wanted to be with her instead of keeping your sorry little mouth shut."

Raising his eyebrows, Seth blinked and opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. The very colorful image that Chris had just drawn, of him living alone with five cats as an old man, still mourning over the loss of Summer had been too much to find a response to. "You're right." He said in a low voice, and Chris grinned, clapping his hands.

"Yaaay! So you're gonna tell her?"

Seth nodded, all of a sudden totally convinced that Summer needed to know about his feelings. The little trip into his future had surely done its duty to encourage him. "Sure I will. I mean, I can at least try, right? I've got nothing to lose." Seth replied, and for the first time in days a smile formed on his lips. He had almost forgot how good a simple thing like a smile felt, and he knew he needed to go and confess his love to Summer right now.

Grabbing his sweater, Seth shoved Chris out of the bench and ran a hand through his hair.

Chris grinned broadly, very proud of himself and how his convincing techniques worked, and he tried very hard to suppress a hug that was forming inside of him.

"She's gonna take me back, man." Seth said with so much belief that let any other reaction from Summer out of question.

Now this was too much. Chris jumped and hugged Seth tightly, squeaking like a little girl. "I'm so excited!" he yelled and cleared his throat after he had realized that Seth probably wasn't enjoying his little love hug as much as he should, and he pushed Seth away from him. "I mean… course she's gonna take you back, dude." Chris said in a sad attempt to mimick a very masculine, cool man, and Seth had to smile.

He shook his head and grinned. "You're crazy."

Chris nodded and grinned from one ear to the other. "I know-" The sound of his cell phone interrupted him, and he pulled the phone out of his jeans pocket, his excitement rising a little more when he saw that the caller was Jenny. He held out his forefinger to Seth and motioned him to wait until he finished the call.

"Hey Jen baby, how are you?" he chimed into the receiver, and Seth shook his head again. Nothing was more exciting than Chris being excited.

"You talked to her? What did she say?"

The word "her" caught Seth's attention immediately since this word left the only conclusion that Chris and Jenny were talking about Summer. He took a few steps closer to Chris in the hope to hear something the two of them were talking about.

"She made a decision?" Chris asked, his eyes wide.

Seth felt how his heart started to beat faster every second, pumping adrenaline through his veins. Silently he prayed that Jenny would tell Chris now that Summer had said "no" to Craig, and that he only needed to walk up to her, tell her he loved her, and she would be his again.

His heart almost stopped beating when Chris' smile faded all of a sudden, and a small "oh" escaped his mouth.

A few seconds later, Chris hung up and shook his head, looking down on the floor.

Biting the insides of his cheeks, Seth needed to fight tears as all of the hopes he had had before had just been shattered by a single gaze Chris was wearing now.

And it was almost redundant that Chris told him what Jenny had said, because Seth already knew.

Chris sighed. "She said yes."

Please please please don't hate me now! If you know me and my other stories you should also know how this story's gonna end. I wrote in the beginning that it is a Seth and Summer story and I wrote that for a reason. So please keep that in mind as the story continues. There are four chapters left now.

Next chapter: It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing - Seth finally confesses his feelings to Summer... butis it too late for them?