Author's note:Okay, So I've had this idea rolling around in my mind since the end of 'Losing my Religion'. I just wanna say that while I am a MerDer fan (sorry guys)-I still like Addy.So basically-here's the story:
Set the day after the prom, from Addison's point of view. She doesn't yet know about Derek and Meredith's 'escape'. Other character's POV's may be mixed in the story, like Derek or even Callie for instance (I know some people don't like her, but she still plays an integral part.After all, she's the one who 'found' Derek and Meredith, right?)
I don't own Grey's...the characters are from the mind of the brilliant Shonda Rhimes...If I do create Characters (i.e. patients)-that's pretty much the only thing I'll 'create'.
------------------------------
I hear them before I see them. They're talking again. I should turn around and take another route, but still I continue.
"Addison."He says, somewhat surprised.
"You left early this morning...is something wrong?"I ask, nearly afraid of the answer. His eyes look tired, obviously from the shock of the night before. The death of Denny took an unexpected toll on everyone. I only hope that he's 'talking' to Meredith again for Izzie's sake-but my gut tells me otherwise.
"I had an emergency surgery.I tried to wake you."Derek insists.
Meredith seems fidgety, almost afraid of being there. "I'll see you later."She says, walking away.
"Is everything okay?"I ask after she leaves.
"Why wouldn't it be?"He retorts, almost sarcastically. Something feels different. I can't place it, but something about Derek has changed. Dismissing it, I figure I should get to my office-patients, you know.
"Look...I have to get to my office.Can we talk?"
He frowns, seemingly contemplating my offer. "Lunch."He says, as if that would solve everything.
I smile, nodding. "Lunch.Lunch is good.I'll see you then."I say before walking off.
Before long, my walk is interrupted. "Doctor Shephard."I hear someone say.
Turning around, I see Doctor Torres. "Yes?"
She seems nervous, almost afraid to meet with my eyes. "I need a consult on my case."
It seems a little odd, but intrigued, I let her continue.
"My patient-I was planning for a surgery.Well, she just discovered that she was pregnant.I was...hoping you could examine her...tell me if it would be safe to perform the surgery."
"Okay.Tell her to come see me later today."I say, somewhat relieved. Anything to take my mind off the day, off of everything that has been happening. Instead of going to my office like I had said, I go to visit Preston.
I'm not at all surprised to see Cristina Yang asleep in the chair beside the bed, wearing the same dress she had the night before. She looks tired, withdrawn. Preston is sleeping, a crease in his forehead interrupting his otherwise peaceful form.
I decide that it would be best if I left when I hear movement from inside the room. "Addison..."
"Preston."I say, not sure what else there is to say. My only thought in coming was the hopes of seeing a friend. Now that I'm here I wonder if I'd been better off staying away. He's Derek's patient, and chances are he'll show up soon.
He looks over to see Cristina asleep in the chair. "She...never left."He says, almost surprised.
"She loves you."
The words seem to comfort him a little until I see him lift his hand, shaking a little. "Does Derek know?" The question seems like a natural thing to ask. "Your hand-it shouldn't be shaking like that, should it?"
Preston looks away, ignoring the problem that he knows is there. "Have you seen Doctor Stevens?Cristina-she's worried about her."
I shrug, not really sure where the intern is. "No.I'm afraid I don't."I say, feeling somewhat awkward. "I should go.I'm glad you're..."
Realizing how awkward what I would have said would have been, I wince.
"It's fine, Addison.Take care of yourself."
Leaving his room, I laugh. Take care of yourself. If only it were that easy.
-------------------
My morning was almost free, something I hadn't expected. I had a patient postpone an appointment-something came up she had said.
And so I went to the on call room. My office was too cluttered at the moment to sit and think. So I went to the on call room, expecting to be alone. That is until I hear sobbing coming from one of the beds.
Leaning down, I see Izzie Stevens-curled up, crying.
"Doctor Stevens?"I call.
"I'm not a doctor."She says through sobs. "I tried to come in today.I thought I could handle coming back...after Denny. But I can't.I-"She stops speaking, as if she's becoming aware of the fact that I'm there.
Wiping frantically at her tears, she sits up. "I should...leave."
"No."I say, afraid to see her leave. "You can stay here until you've calmed down."
"Then what?"Izzie asks. Staring straight ahead, her eyes are blood shot. I silently wonder if she had any sleep the night before. Knowing the answer, I sigh.
"Dr.Burke was looking for you...Cristina was in his room. Maybe seeing him would-"
"Cheer me up?There's no cheering to do, Addison.Denny's gone...I killed him.I'm not a surgeon.End of the story."
"Then why did you come here?Why are you waiting in the on call room?"I ask, wanting to help her.
She shakes her head, almost as if she doesn't know the answer herself. "I don't know what to do."
"Izzie-"I say, thinking carefully. "You can't quit being a surgeon.I've seen you work...you're excellent at it.Just because-"
"Just because I killed the love of my life-that doesn't mean I should stop working?"
I'm not sure where to take this. She's clearly upset, and so far it doesn't seem that I'm helping much. "Look-do you want me to page someone for you?Alex is my intern today...maybe he could take you home to rest for a while?"
Izzie seems to like the idea, but still seems overly distracted. ''I need to see Doctor Burke first.He-He asked to see me."
Standing back up, she shakily heads for the door.
---------------------------------
Lunch came before I had time to realize. Sitting alone in the cafeteria, I think about yesterday. How much everything has changed. The glitter, the ballons, the lights-they're all gone. But the strange sadness they all left behind-I can't figure out why.
Derek hasn't come in yet and for that I'm almost greatful. When we got home last night, he seemed shaky, he'd barely say a word to me. Then he just climbed in bed, trying to fall asleep. I woke up at three that morning to find him wide awake.
I don't see how he could have trouble sleeping. He wasn't the one who had been shot, or who had had their supposed fiance' die before their eyes. But still-he was Derek.
Glancing up from my tray, I see him coming towards me. The second we lock eyes, he plasters a smile on his face as if to say "everything's fine."-I know that's a lie.
"Hey."
"Hi."I say, wondering where to take this.
After a few minutes of just sitting there, neither of us seems sure of anything to say. "Derek-"
"Addison...I'm sorry I left this morning. Without leaving a note, I mean.Okay?"
"Okay."Seems to be the only thing I can say to him.
Sighing, he sits back-just staring at his food.
"Something's wrong."
He looks up at me, almost accusingly. "I didn't..."He stops, sighing.
"I'm not accusing you of anything. All I said was that something was wrong.You know it, too.So..."
"So..."Derek says as he takes the first bite of his food.
"Are we okay?"
He shrugs, as if to say 'why not?'.
"I'm being serious, here. Last night you seemed distracted...this morning you leave without saying good bye-''
"I told you I tried to wake you up."
Sighing, I know something's wrong now. I'm almost certain. I'm about to say something when Meredith walks up to our table.
"Addison..."She says, nervous. Looking over at Derek, I notice he seems to tense up.
"Yes?"
"I..."She pauses, as if she's considering what to say. "Thank you...for talking to Izzie.I didn't even know she was here.I know that's kind of...bad. But-Thank You."
Smiling, I have to admit that it's nice-having an actual conversation with her. But as she's speaking, I can't help but notice-she doesn't look me in the eye.
"It's no problem.She needed someone to talk to."I say, not sure how she'll react.
"Anyway-she's been through a lot and I just...Thank You."She says, walking away.
A sigh is heard from Derek's side of the table.
"I thought you two weren't arguing anymore."I say.
"We're not-we're all friends, remember?"
"Right."I say, my gut telling me otherwise. I decide to leave that topic alone when yet another person comes up to the table-Callie Torres.
"Doctor Shephard."She says.
I begin to stand, thinking it's about the patient she spoke with me about this morning, but instead, she interjects.
"No.I meant...you."She says, pointing to Derek. "I need to speak with you."Callie says, somewhat embarassed. "I'm sorry, I just need-"
"It's okay."I say smiling, but silently wondering what she would have to speak to him about. 'It's a hospital' I think. But what are the chances her patient needs brain surgery?
"I'm sorry."Derek says, as if it would help. Shakily, he stands. "I'll see you at home." Kissing me on the cheek, he leaves. An act that to anyone else would seem sweet-but something's off.
Shaking the thoughts from my head, I return to my salad. Sitting alone again, I know it'll be a matter of time before rumors start to arise. The only problem with that?-Looking over at the table where Bailey's interns sit...I get a feeling they already have.
--------------------------
Okay, so I know it's different-and it's actually not how I originally planned. Originally, it was going to be a one piece fic. However, there's more now. So-should I continue? R&R, please!