Chapter 3: The Consequences of Our Past

When she opened the door to Dr. Raymond's Office Alexis saw a familiar face and cringed. As she hesitated Kristina must have followed her mother's eyes because she pushed past her mother, ran across the waiting room, and catapulted herself into his arms. Alexis winced at the scene. Any other rational mother would lecture their seven-year-old daughter on the impropriety of literally throwing herself at a stranger. Alexis wanted to do that too, but she couldn't.

Dr. Mark Quartermaine might have become a stranger, but he hadn't started out that way, at least not in Kristina's life. He had been the one who brought Kristina home from the hospital while Alexis was still trying to pull things together. She spent more time in the hospital recovering from anemia and exhaustion than her premature daughter spent in the NICU. He had done the two am feedings when Kristina's wails pulled Alexis from her nightmares of the past and the last person in the world, she could face was her own daughter. He had been the first-person Kristina called Dada. Kristina had said Dada weeks before Mama and that had stung. It had been ironic in a way; Kristina had been expressing her resentment at being kept from her father long before she really understood. Alexis had regretted that, but there hadn't been another choice. Or at least she had convinced herself of that in the moment.

Mark looked a bit stunned at the child that had landed in his lap. Yet, he shifted in his chair slightly and seemed to recover. "Hello, Kristina," he said.

Mark spoke very softly. Of course, he always had with Kristina. It was some reverse psychology thing; he thought if he practically whispered, she would stop her tantrum to hear him. It had sounded absurd. Alexis had told him as much. But it had worked.

Mark glanced in Alexis' direction. "So, I guess you still use Dr. Raymond as your dentist," he said.

Alexis nodded. "Kristina likes him."

Kristina shook her head. "I don't like him. You make me come," she said. She shifted on Mark's lap to face him more. "But I would have come today if I had known you were going to be here," she said with a smile.

"It is good to see you again, Kristina. You have gotten so big," Mark said.

"Maybe the next time I have dinner with Grandma you can come," Kristina said.

Mark say anything at first. Eventually he said, "maybe."

Alexis cringed. First, there was the issue that the Honorable Tracy Quartermaine Grabler wasn't Kristina's Grandmother. Even if Kristina had really been Mark's daughter then Tracy would be her father's Godmother. Of course, since both of Kristina's parents' mothers were dead Tracy had assumed the Grandmother role for Kristina just like she had for her son Ned's children. Then there was the issue that Kristina was still so desperate to have Mark in her life. Yet, just like Alexis had made the choices that brought Mark into Kristina's life in the first place, Alexis had made the choices that pulled him out of it instantaneously. That conversation still haunted her over four years later.

September 9, 2003

"I wish you had told me you were going to do this," Dr. Mark Quartermaine said as he stood at the end of Kristina's hospital bed. His tone was full of frustration although his words were barely above a whisper as he didn't want to wake Kristina.

"I was just trying to save my daughter," Alexis said. Mark would never understand but it really was that simple for her.

"I know," Mark said quietly. He exhaled audibly. "Don't give up hope yet. We aren't going to lose her, we'll figure something out. Like Dr. Hogan said random donors are just reality for a lot of kids, even kids with full siblings. We just need to get more people tested and we will find a match for Kristina."

"Sonny wants custody."

"I'm sure he does. Listen, don't worry about that. I'll handle it. Kristina is our daughter…"

Alexis cut him off. "You can't fix this, Mark, so just go. Please, just leave! Even your family fortune and ELQ connections can't make this go away!"

Mark tried to reach for her hand. Alexis pulled away and turned away from him. "Just leave us alone, Mark!"

"Alexis, I understand that you are stressed but lashing out at me is not helping. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to abandon my daughter."

Alexis laughed bitterly. "Well there is your first mistake, Mark. See the problem is she never was yours, Mark. Now, please just leave me alone with my daughter so I can figure this out."

Alexis saw the pain in his eyes. She watched as he gently kissed Kristina's head one final time before he turned and walked out the door.

Alexis had handled it. She and Mark divorced, and she married Ric Lansing. She had done what she needed to, to save her daughter. Only it hadn't. Sonny's illegitimate premature daughter's stem cells saved Kristina's life and Sonny's mercy allowed Alexis to maintain custody. Ric really hadn't done anything except make the situation worse. Alexis hadn't seen that at the time though.

"Kristina Corinthos," Dr. Raymond's dental hygienist called from the edge of the waiting room.

Alexis forced herself to focus on the present rather than her continual nightmares of the past. "Yes," she said then she turned and extend her hand to Kristina. "Come on, Kristina, we don't want to keep Dr. Raymond waiting."

"If I don't have any cavities can we go to dinner with Daddy Mark?" Kristina asked but she made no move to climb down from Mark's lap.

"I'm sure Mark has other things he needs to do," Alexis said. She willed Mark not to speak. She supposed that was unfair. It was very unfair since she had criticized Mark in the past for not being more involved in Kristina's life. Yet, she couldn't face all of the past at once and her conversation with John Quartermaine, ironically Mark's cousin who he considered a brother, was still echoing through her mind. Dinner with Mark and Kensi was just not an option.

Kristina crossed her arms across her little chest. "You always decide everyone has other plans. You decided daddy did too. You just want to ruin all of my fun."

Alexis glanced over at the hygienist who had started to tap her foot impatiently. "Kristina Adele Davis-Corinthos if you have a temper tantrum here then that will tell me you aren't old enough to go out to dinner with your Granpapa alone on Sunday evening. Is that what you hope to accomplish here?"

Kristina didn't answer her. She turned away from her and climbed out of Mark's lap on the other side away from Alexis. Then she marched across the waiting room. "I'm a big girl, I don't need my mother to come back with me," she said.

As Kristina disappeared with the hygienist Alexis sunk down into a chair and buried her head in her hands. Some people just shouldn't be parents and as she sat there, she wasn't sure she wasn't one of them. Her choices certainly hadn't made her daughters' lives easier. That much Alexis was certain of. So many moments forced her to see and face that chilling reality but one moment in particular came back to her. It had been the day of the art show at Kristina's school. It should have been a happy day but as Alexis had driven from the courthouse to St. Catherine's Academy, anything but happy thoughts had filled her head.

April 25, 2007

Alexis pulled into the parking lot at St. Catherine's Academy and parked. Kristina had attended St. Catherine's for only a little over a year as she had initially attended her regular zoned elementary school which was on the Port Charles High School Campus. Sonny had worried that there wasn't sufficient protection at public school and Alexis had caved about halfway through kindergarten and allowed Kristina to transfer. Alexis supposed she should be grateful to Sonny for paying tuition for Kristina to attend a private catholic school but if she had her choice, she would move to the Lilac Park neighborhood and have Kristina attend Lilac Park Elementary. That was where Kristina's psuedo sister Kensington Quartermaine, and her friend and pseudo cousin, Nicole Quartermaine attended. If Kristina had never gotten sick and she had stayed in her marriage of convenience with Dr. Mark Quartermaine it was where Kristina would have attended as well. Perhaps that was why Sonny had been so adamant about private Catholic school.

Alexis was surprised to see Emily Quartermaine get out of the car in the next parking space. She did remember that Kristina had mentioned her art show to Emily when they had run into her at the coffee shop, but Alexis hadn't planned on Emily actually coming.

"Hi Alexis, how is your day going?" Emily asked when she fell in step with her as they walked across the parking lot to the school.

Emily's cheeriness was often more than Alexis could take. Sometimes she wondered if it was just because it reminded her of Emily's cousin Chloe. "I've had better days," Alexis said flatly.

"I'm sorry. I truly don't mean to pry but if there's anything you want to talk about," Emily offered.

"No, but thanks for the offer. Kristina will be thrilled that you came," Alexis said as she adeptly changed the conversation.

"Well I had NRP this morning, but we got out in plenty of time for me to have lunch with Matt and Ellen and still make it here. I was going to bring Nicole but she's at piano lessons this afternoon and then she and grandfather are leaving to go watch Katelyn run at Penn Relays. Mom is on call tonight and dad is tomorrow, so they couldn't make it. I'm taking my ACLS recertification tomorrow or I would have gone with them," Emily explained.

"Well that's nice," Alexis said blandly. She really had no idea what Emily was really talking about.

"Theoretically grandfather is going so someone can chauffeur Kate and Nicole to the pool to get in their morning swim workout. But in reality, Penn Relays is totally his scene," Emily said with a smile.

"I've never been," Alexis said as they walked up the walk, in front of the school.

"I ran there in high school and then college. The atmosphere is amazing; the crowd is electric, so grandfather and his bullhorn level cheering fit right in. I think he wanted to bring Kristina this year actually," Emily said.

"Well there was no way Sonny was letting Edward take his daughter out of state. Maybe she can go to one of Kate's other meets," Alexis suggested.

"Yes, I kind of figured that. Just remember we all love Kristina even if she isn't Mark's biological child," Emily said following Alexis into the school.

"I know, and I appreciate the way that you all have been considerate of Kristina's feelings. I only wish Mark could be so considerate. I know he isn't really Kristina's father but since I made the mistake of keeping that secret for almost four years I understand why Kristina formed a bond. I suppose it's really all my fault. But I can't make Mark see that he's not just punishing me he's punishing Kristina and she's just a scared little girl," Alexis said as tears formed in her eyes.

Emily led her over to some chairs in the lobby and guided her to a chair. "We all make kind of naïve choices sometimes, Alexis. The problem is we can't go back and have a redo. I think Mark is still grieving his losses. I'm not excusing his behavior but I'm praying that he'll find the strength to let Kristina back in some time," Emily said.

"Kristina didn't die though, he doesn't have to grieve anything," Alexis said.

"His relationship with Kristina changed and, well, Mark isn't the best at handling change from my experience," Emily said.

"But that doesn't make it any easier for Kristina. Three years later she still does grieve what she lost. Perhaps it would be easier for her to take if Mark had died, but she still sees him around town sometimes so she knows he still exists. I'm sorry that came out all wrong," Alexis said.

"No, I kind of understand, I mean not about Mark dying, but how his absence just rubs more salt in the wound," Emily said.

"Exactly, I just wanted something so much better for Kristina than the dysfunctional family I grew up in. But I ruined it I fathered a child with a wonderful man who just happened to also be a criminal. I was afraid, so I lied and denounced her true father. Then as if ruining one child wasn't enough I married a truly evil man and had a child with him," Alexis said as her words were replaced by sobs.

"Alexis, you didn't know what Ric was really like when you married him. A lot of people were surprised by who he really was. You have two beautiful little girls and they have a lot of people in their lives who love them and a mom who would go to the ends of the Earth for either of them. They're going to come out on the other side," Emily said.

Emily's words jolted her back to reality and Alexis was immediately embarrassed by her breakdown. Emily would claim they were family, and perhaps in some sense they were. Emily had dated Alexis' nephew and Alexis had married her cousin. But explaining that marriage was nothing she could do.

Alexis dabbed at her eyes with some Kleenex from her purse and attempted to regain composure. "We better get to the gym for Kristina's art show. I'm not sure if Sonny was going to be able to make it and if Kristina is there without anyone then she won't handle that well," Alexis said as she stood.

"Well I mentioned it to grandfather. I think he was going to try to stop by in between meetings," Emily said.

When they entered the gym, they saw Kristina standing with Sonny. Alexis ignored the fact that Max and Milo were attempting to blend in with the crowd. Kristina laughed at something Sonny had said and he scooped her up into his arms. As they turned around Kristina caught sight of her mother and Emily. Sonny put her down and she ran to them. Emily and Alexis both took an arm and they all rejoined Sonny.

"Guess what Mommy? Granpapa came!" Kristina squealed. Granpapa was what Kristina had called Edward when she was younger and couldn't get out great grandfather. The name had stuck though, and Kristina's Christmas gifts had still carried tags proclaiming they were from Granpapa four months earlier.

"Unfortunately, Eddie couldn't stay long. He had a meeting to get to. He sends his regards," Sonny informed her.

"Well that's nice that your grandfather was able to see your art. Did he and your father manage to play nicely?" Alexis asked.

"You don't think Eddie and I can just have a nice conversation? Do you think I am a ruffian?" Sonny asked before he flashed Alexis a dimpled smile.

"Well the last time that you and Edward were together Kristina put you both in time out," Alexis pointed out.

"Well Eddie got longer than I did," Sonny said indignantly.

Kristina giggled.

"Well the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends only one minute per year of age," Emily said with a laugh. Her laugh faded a little as she saw Nikolas Cassidine entering the gym.

Kristina noticed Nikolas too and squealed with pleasure. "You came!" she said as Nikolas joined them.

"Of course, I did, I told you I would," Nikolas began. "You are looking beautiful as always, Emily," he added.

Emily blushed a little at the praise. "Thank you, Nikolas," she said. Then she turned to Kristina and bent down. "So, would you like to give me the guided tour and show me your art?" she asked.

"Yes!" Kristina said as she happily took Emily's hand and started across the gym.

After they left, Nikolas continued to glance longingly. "Emily is so great with kids. She is going to be such a great pediatrician. I have always said that."

Alexis decided not to point out to her nephew that he had been the one trying to talk Emily out of going off to medical school at Columbia and felt it would have been better for her to have joined Elizabeth in the nursing program at PCU.

"You don't think she will be?" Nikolas challenged his aunt and Sonny.

"I'm sure Emily will be very talented as a pediatrician she's smart and she cares that's a big part of it I would think," Sonny agreed.

"Well I know she is going to be wonderful. As I was telling Alan PCGH is fortunate to have her. I am just glad she has come back home, and we have another chance to make our relationship work," Nikolas said.

"Well I agree that Emily will become an asset to PCGH but, Nikolas, darling, she's engaged to marry Patrick," Alexis said.

"Engagements don't always lead to weddings, Alexis. Dr. Drake does not love and cherish her the way I could," Nikolas said.

They were saved from further comment on Nikolas' pipe dreams when his cell phone began to ring. "I better take this, it might be a hospital emergency," Nikolas said, and he stepped away from them to take the call.

Alexis inhaled deeply and then exhaled. "I thought he was finally starting to accept Emily's impending marriage I guess I was wrong."

"Well sometimes it's hard to give up your soul mate," Sonny said.

"I don't really see that Emily is Nikolas' soul mate. I think it's more of a crutch for Nikolas to avoid other relationships," Alexis said.

"Perhaps," Sonny said noncommittally.

"Anyway, enough about Nikolas, seriously, please tell me that Edward is actually unharmed at his meeting," she joked.

"Trust me, Lex, he's fine. He came, he admired Kristina's art. He mentioned that Alan and Monica have opened the pool and invited Kristina and Molly over to swim. I pointed out that Kristina and Molly were not born with fins like Nicole and Katelyn seem to have been. He pointed out that Alan, Monica, and Emily are all doctors and Katelyn is now a certified lifeguard. Then he realized he had a meeting at three, so he said goodbye to Kristina and left. Actually, probably about ten minutes before you and Emily walked in," Sonny said smiling.

"Wait so you and Edward had a civil conversation. What is the world coming to?" Alexis joked.

"You're telling me, Ashton actually apologized to me this morning," Sonny said.

"Ned apologized? For what?" Alexis asked uneasily.

"Well basically he said he could accept that I loved Brooke and he'd try to not interfere in our relationship as long as I didn't put her in danger," Sonny said.

Alexis was afraid to ask how, or why, Sonny and Ned had even crossed paths on a random Wednesday morning in April.

"I guess it wasn't a hospital emergency," Alexis observed when Nikolas rejoined them.

"No, it was Liz. She seems to forget that I am not Lucky's keeper," Nikolas said a little miffed.

Alexis had no interest in staying on the topic of Lucky especially since he currently had more criminal charges pending. "Are you still going to that risk management seminar this weekend?" she asked an attempt at topic change.

"Yes, I fly out Friday morning, I may invite Emily," Nikolas said.

Alexis didn't get the chance to remind him that Emily was probably too busy planning her wedding to Patrick to go on vacation with him because Kristina and Emily appeared at their side.

"I had a lot of fun, Kristina, but I have a few errands to take care of before dinner so I'm going to go," Emily said as she embraced the little girl.

"Thank you for coming, ok who wants the next tour?" Kristina asked gleefully.

"Why don't you let Nikolas go next?" Alexis suggested. Nikolas scowled at his aunt but didn't want to disappoint his cousin, so he did go with Kristina who skipped off and happily dragged him along.

"Nice save there, counselor," Sonny said after Nikolas was out of earshot.

"Well I figured Emily deserved a smooth exit," Alexis quipped.

"Speaking of exits, what are your plans after this is over?" Sonny asked.

Alexis wavered was he going to invite her to dinner? She supposed it made sense and Kristina would love it if the three of them had dinner together, but Alexis knew that if she did that she was unwrapping her heart again and that scared her.

"I have a lot of work to do tonight," Alexis said.

"I was just asking because Kristina has been missing Mike, so I was thinking maybe we could all have dinner tonight, the five of us," Sonny suggested.

"Five?"

"You, me, Mike, Kristina and Molly. Anyway, you have to eat at some point, right?" Sonny said. He smiled and flashed his should be illegal dimples.

"Well I suppose you're right I do need to eat, and Kristina has been clamoring for lasagna since the last time she was at your house. I can barely boil water, so you know I can't make that and the stuff from a box doesn't fool her," Alexis said.

"I could make some and you could put it in the freezer and just pull it out to bake, you could do that," Sonny suggested.

"Thank you but tonight Kristina can have both her lasagna and her daddy which is what I think she wanted anyway," Alexis said.

"You know how important she is to me," Sonny said.

"Yes, I do, and I'm sorry that you missed out on the first almost four years of her life. I've been thinking, she's really old enough now that she could spend the night at your house one extra night a week. I wanted to ask you about it though before I told Kristina," Alexis said.

"I would love that, Lex, thanks!" Sonny said as he picked Alexis up in the excitement.

The truth was that Alexis still shuddered when she thought about her conversation with Emily from six months earlier. However, she did think that Kristina and Sonny's relationship had only deepened over the same period. That was positive. Kristina felt mostly secure in her father's love. Yet, she still hadn't let go of Mark completely. Alexis could see that as much as she had tried to ignore it. She had faced Sonny for Kristina maybe she had to face Mark too. Facing Mark should be easier, she had never loved him. Yet, it was much harder because facing Mark required her to really face all the pieces of her past and her relationship with Sonny, not just the ones she could handle. That was what she wasn't sure she could do. But maybe she had to do it for both Kristinas.