To my guest reviewer:

If you're referring to this being similar to Who We Are, you're correct. I will offer the caveat that these two stories are set roughly ten years apart so characters have grown and have in some cases changed because of their experiences. I will also warn that if you are someone who hates spoilers reading some of this may spoil WWA in places. Also, if you're one of my faithful WWA readers and reviewers thank you so much! I should have another WWA Chapter posted later today.

Chapter 4: That Was Then, This Is Now

As she slowly raised her head from her hands Alexis realized that Mark was still sitting two seats over. He glanced over at her and she saw the concern in his eyes. Mark had never loved her, but he had always cared. Even after she ripped out his heart and trampled on it he had cared. It was just what he did, and Alexis knew she should be appreciative but most of the time she just felt guilty.

"I was just about to go through Kensi's backpack and see if she had a paper bag," Mark joked.

"Careful, that might be considered illegal search and seizure," Alexis retorted.

"Well, honestly, I've done worse and if I thought I needed to I'd do it again. It is far better to have your child alive and angry at you for not trusting them than dead because you trusted them when you shouldn't have."

Mark's honesty surprised her, and Alexis spoke without thinking. "I thought Ryan said Kensington never even experimented with drugs." After the words were out Alexis regretted them. She wondered if Mark's wince was because other people about his daughter. She supposed it was also a bit ironic that at one time Mark had known Kristina much better than Sonny did but there had also been times when other people had known Mark's own daughter much better than he did. Was he guilting himself about that?

"She didn't, but in my opinion even experimentation isn't harmless. Experimentation can, and sometimes does, kill," Mark said.

Alexis wondered if he was referring to Hayley Beck's death. She didn't like to think about that because she couldn't imagine the pain Stephanie Beck must have felt to lose a second child. She wondered if she had tried to have her younger daughter, Alexis thought her name was Kerri, encased in bullet proof bubble wrap and kept forever on a leash. Alexis wanted to do that with Kristina and Molly, and she had never buried a child.

There was another reason Alexis didn't like to think about Hayley Beck's death because it required her to really think about how, and why, Hayley's father had died. But Dr. Mark Quartermaine was the last person she wanted to discuss PCPD Officer Brian Beck's death with for numerous reasons. Since she couldn't face most of the reasons, Alexis focused on the fact that Mark's cousin, Jason Morgan, had been tried for the crime.

The trial had gotten national coverage. A double cop homicide, an alleged perpetrator who not only had once been a cop as well but had ties to both the mafia and a Fortune 500 Company were fodder for lots of sensational headlines. Ultimately Diane Miller, a woman both Ned Ashton and Ric Lansing had known in law school, spun reasonable doubt as if her life depended on it and Jason had been acquitted of the murders of Officer Brian Beck and Detective Andy Capelli. Ric had held a press conference after the verdict to pontificate about the travesty of justice that had occurred. He had suggested there had been jury tampering and vowed that his office would find the truth and Jason Morgan would be retried. He waxed on that the process itself was not flawed but that humans were. He closed with an expression of sympathy to Brian Beck's widow and daughters and vowed that he would bring Brian's killer to justice.

When Ric had made the speech in June 2004, Alexis had considered it little more than a pompous political move. It was an election year, as DA's only did two-year terms in Chapparal County then, and Ric needed to shift the blame away from himself. But more than three years later, Alexis knew Ric's role in Brian Beck and Andy Capelli's death, perhaps that had just been a pompous political move too.

"Alexis?" Mark's voice intruded into her thoughts and Alexis realized he had moved over and was sitting beside her. "You don't look so well," he said.

"I'm fine, Mark," Alexis snapped back. She didn't want his sympathy and she didn't deserve his empathy.

Alexis saw the familiar way Mark's eyes raised at her retort. She knew that look too well and knew that he didn't believe her. She cringed as her mind took her back to an earlier time while she had been pregnant with Kristina.

November 24, 1999

Alexis Davis stared up at the ceiling of her hospital room with boredom. "Ned, you hate criminal law. I don't care what Mark guilted you into or why your grandfather seems to feel that supporting your cousin's pregnant wife is worthy of compensation as the ELQ attorney without you actually having to, oh I don't know provide some legal advice to justify that compensation doesn't mean that you're meant to fill in for me at the DA's Office. Now give me back that case file!"

Ned didn't hand over the case file. "I'll have you know that I originally considered criminal law. I clerked for a US attorney the summer in between my second and third years of law school.I'm sure we could work out something with DA Mitchell for me to help you with some research or something," he said.

"Wasn't she your aunt?" Alexis asked.

"Well, yes, she still is my aunt. You met Abby at your wedding remember Riley, the ring bearer, that is her youngest son with my Uncle John."

Alexis did remember Abigail Donely Quartermaine, she was a little hard to forget. She was all polished and perfect with her perfect husband and two perfect little boys. Alexis was sure she hadn't used guilt to trap John in a marriage of convenience like she had done to Mark. "I don't need either of your help!"

Somehow the outburst led Ned to release the file. He laid it gently on the table by her bed. He communicated something with his cousin without words and took a few more steps back. "Message received but I meant it, if you change your mind, we're family now, Alexis, and I want to help," he said. Then he turned and slipped out the door of her hospital room.

That was an improvement, but Alexis saw the way Mark's eyes raised at her outburst. He was just too polite to call her on it. She didn't need his help, yet she had basically demanded he claim her child as his. She just hadn't realized the full consequences of her demand. She hadn't realized her attempt to save her child would kill her sister. "I'm sorry," was all Alexis managed to get out before the tears came back.

"Hey, it was a horrible accident but it's not your fault," Mark said as he sat down on the edge of the bed, took her into his arms, and started to rub her back.

As his hands glided across her back Alexis wondered if he really believed his own words. Did he really not believe that her actions had killed her sister? Or was he just concerned that if she got too upset the contractions might start again. He worried that work was too stressful, and stress was bad for the baby, but Dr. Mark Quartermaine wasn't a stupid man. He had to know that just remembering what had happened in July was more stressful than any case she might be assigned by the DA's Office.

"I don't blame you, Alexis," Mark whispered as he released her.

Maybe he really didn't, but that didn't mean it wasn't her fault. Alexis heard the soft squeak of the door opening and turned to see her obstetrician, Dr. Meadows.

Mark glanced across the room with concern. "Is something wrong?"

"Actually, I come bringing good news. You know I told you we would only continue the drugs to stop your labor for forty-eight hours and now that you've gone more than another twenty four hours without any contractions since we've stopped the medicine I should be able to discharge you in the morning. You will be able to have Thanksgiving dinner with your family after all," Dr. Meadows said. She finished with a smile, obviously unaware of exactly what she was suggesting.

"That's great! Isn't that great, Alexis? Aunt Lila will be so thrilled," Mark said

Alexis looked at her husband as if he had really lost it. She didn't think it was coincidental at all that her pre-term labor had started during one of those blasted Quartermaine Sunday Brunches. Was Mark insane? If Sunday brunch could induce preterm labor Thanksgiving dinner would probably bring precipitous delivery or something. He wanted her to resign from the DA's Office but family dinners with his family were ok? That wasn't even halfway logical. Or maybe she had really lost it. The Quartermaines were loud and opinionated but she could see they did love Mark. They had loved her sister too, probably because Mark loved her. They probably even thought they loved her. Yet, their love just stressed Alexis and made her feel like even more of a fraud. She wasn't really pregnant with the newest Quartermaine heir. "I can't wait," Alexis finally managed weakly.

So, she had gone to Thanksgiving dinner at Alan and Monica's mansion, and listened to their traditional singing grace about gathering together. That part had been painful because she was quite sure that the Lord wouldn't bless any of the choices she had made in the preceding year. Dessert had been more painful, Lila had made the Key Lime Pie that Mark had assured her was Alexis' favorite. Alexis did like Key Lime Pie and Lila's pie was good, but she hadn't been able to enjoy it. The Quartermaines had presumed that of course since Mark loved her and knew everything about her he would know what kind of pie she liked. But he didn't and honestly hadn't. However, Mark was savvy. He knew of all his family's welcoming tactics. He had asked all the right questions and committed the information to memory.

"I'm sorry about Kristina. I'm sure the past year hasn't been very easy for her," Mark said.

Alexis laughed bitterly. "That is an understatement," she said.

"Kids can be resilient with the right support though. I do believe that. I have to, I guess I can't face the other alternative," Mark said.

Alexis knew that his words outwardly referred to his daughter Kensi , but he was including Kristina in the context. He did care about her, and Alexis felt ashamed for doubting if he did before. "I would let you see Kristina," she said.

"I know, but Kristina has two parents and I think that they both need to be comfortable with the people in her life. Maybe what I'm doing isn't right either but as things are right now the risk of me being in her life seem to exceed the benefits," Mark said.

"We're talking about a seven-year-old not having an informed consent conversation for an experimental procedure," Alexis said.

"For the record, my risk-benefit analysis was for Kristina's purposes. I miss her, I still think of her often, but having a relationship with me isn't worth her sacrificing her relationship with her father."

Alexis had forgotten how methodical and logical Mark tended to be. It was his physician side but it seemed to spill over into his personal life too often.

"It isn't that I didn't love Kristina enough to fight Sonny. It is that, when I really thought about it, I realized that Kristina needed her father, and that wasn't me."

"Mark, I'm sorry…"

Mark interrupted her. "You were correct though. My mother always said we didn't get to define God's plan only follow it. Now, I'm not completely sure I always see everything that happens as God's plan. There is a place for free will and the reality that we're all pretty imperfect most of the time. But I do think that Kristina knowing her father loves her doesn't go against God's plan."

"Did Ned apologize to Sonny and let him see Brooke because he thought it would convince him to offer you a similar deal where Kristina was concerned?" Alexis asked.

"I wouldn't ask Ned to use his daughter that way, not even for Kristina. I think Ned accepted that Brooke had strongly attached and bonded to Sonny and that severing any attachment, even one he had reservations about, would hurt her. None of the past year has been very easy for her either. Then there is the issue that Brooklyn has two parents and her mother considers Sonny Corinthos a brother."

Alexis was sure it hadn't been. She was saved from further comment though when Kensington returned to the waiting room.

"Ok, so no cavities, my wisdom teeth seem to be ok, and we're going to be late to meet everyone, so I told Dr. Raymond if you had other questions you would call him in the morning or something," Kensington said as she reached for her backpack and slung it over her left shoulder.

Mark turned to Alexis. "If you need something you can always call me. Within reason I'll go along with whatever Sonny comes up with," he said.

Alexis caught the wary glance that crossed Kensington's face.

"Go along with whatever Sonny comes up with about what?" Kensington asked.

Alexis wondered if Mark had ever explained to his daughter about all the details of their marriage. With a shudder she wondered if Lois or even worse Carly had.

"This is about Kristina, right?" Kensington asked when neither of them answered her original question.

"Kristina might come and have dinner with us some night," Mark said.

"That would be ok, she likes artichokes too. We could make that salad I like, and you could eat around the artichokes," Kensi suggested.

"Maybe we could," Mark said. However, Alexis noted that he didn't sound much more convinced than he had when talking to Kristina earlier. She suspected that had very little to do with his distaste for artichokes.

XXXXXXXX

After Mark and his daughter had departed, Alexis continued to agonize over the path she had taken. She recalled the night that she had gone to see Mark at the hospital and coerced him to claim her child. Perhaps subconsciously she had known that her actions would unleash a trail of death and destruction and that was why the entire exchange was seared into her memory.

June 22, 1999

Alexis Davis was a woman on a mission as she took the South elevator to the fourth floor. She knew what she was about to do was not without consequences, but she couldn't even begin to think of them.

As she stepped off the elevator she turned left and started down the hall to the Medical Director's Office. She had been there several times on official hospital business and once when Kristina had arranged for them to all go to dinner together. Fortunately, Kristina would be out of town until Thursday. She had gone with Edward Quartermaine to some meeting in DC. Kristina's trip had dictated the timeframe for Alexis' plan.

When she reached Mark's office, she saw that, as expected his secretary had already left for the afternoon. Yet, Mark still appeared hard at work. That was hardly a surprise, old habits died hard and with Kristina out of town there was no incentive for him to change. Alexis rapped lightly on Ned's open door and waited for him to look up.

"Alexis, hi, I need to pick up my daughter soon, but I do want to sit down with you and prepare for the next site visit of course. Perhaps we can find some time tomorrow," Dr. Mark Quartermaine suggested once he looked up.

"I think the site visit is the least of both of our concerns," Alexis said.

Alexis wasn't sure exactly what emotion was flashing in Marks eyes, perhaps fear. "I'm not sure I understand," Mark said after a long pause.

"I have a proposition for you," Alexis said. She chided herself internally once the words were out. Mark was going to think she was hitting on him and that was clearly not her intention. Her intention was probably worse, but she wasn't trying to seduce her sister's fiancé, or at least not into bed.

Mark appeared more uncomfortable as she stepped into his office, then closed, and locked, the door. As Alexis sat down in the chair opposite his desk Mark pulled his own chair back from the desk. In that moment, Alexis felt a little remorse. What she was about to do was probably going to ruin her sister's relationship, yet, she couldn't change course.

"I can't believe your coming to me but I guess you can tell Sonny that those piers that weren't for sale when he sent Jason to do his bidding with Ned still aren't for sale," Mark said.

Alexis supposed that Mark's guess wasn't so off the wall. She largely believed that ELQ had bought Donely Shipping a few years earlier to prevent Sonny Corinthos from doing the same. ELQ Enterprises did have a shipping division which had started as a way to export steel made from their Kemp Falls Granite Quarry. Their steel mill and their shipping hub were in Hampton Bays in the rural Northwest tip of the county. Theoretically ELQ wanted to be able to ship medical supplies on the Charles River and therefore wanted access to the Port Charles Harbor. Buying Sean Donely's old shipping company had given them, Sonny Corinthos free, access to the harbor. Alexis also knew that Sonny largely wanted Donely Shipping as an ego thing. He wanted to finally win against Edward Quartermaine. "Sonny is only part of the reason I came today. You aren't going to want to say yes to this. I shouldn't even ask; but you're the only person I can count on to help me, " Alexis said.

"Help you with what?"

"I'm pregnant," Alexis blurted.

"Well congratulations! Kristina didn't mention that."

"I haven't told her yet. I thought maybe we could tell her together."

Mark looked perplexed. "You want me to help you tell your sister that you're pregnant. I think you're making this harder than it has to be, Alexis. You're an adult, and your sister isn't going to judge your choices."

"You don't understand, Mark."

"You're right, I don't," Mark said but then his expression changed. He gasped and took a deep breath before he exhaled very slowly. "You're pregnant with Sonny's child,"Mark said. It was a statement not a question.

Alexis nodded.

"Well, that complicates things. If you want me to put in a good word with my godmother, she's attempted to cite people for contempt for less. However, he's not exactly on her list of favorite people. Actually, he might even be on her list of least favorite people. Lois and Ned are doing better with coparenting but sometimes I think she blames him for Lois not letting Brooke see them those first two years."

"That isn't what you Tracy Quartermaine-Grabler really blames Sonny Corinthos for and you know that, Mark, even if you won't let yourself say the words aloud."

"You mean the stuff with Jason. Well I guess Jason is an adult, or maybe he is. I don't know, sometimes I wonder about that."

"I'm not talking about Jason. I'm talking about the daughter Ned and Lois lost, I'm talking about the daughter you lost," Alexis said.

Mark dropped his head into his hands. It had almost a year, for him at least. However, he still looked so broken that Alexis almost regretted her words; but only almost. Her words hit well below the belt, she knew that. Heck, she had intended that. She wouldn't let her child become a casualty of Sonny's world like Lily Corinthos, Lois Ashton, Ally Rescott Spencer, and Beth Quartermaine had.

Mark didn't ask her how she knew. Alexis wasn't sure if he was too overwhelmed to wonder, or even care, or if he just attributed it to her Cassadine heritage. She allowed the silence to linger for just a moment more before she spoke. "I'm sure you would have done anything to save your daughter's life, so you can understand what I must do for my own child's life. Sonny can never have any idea that this is his child."

"Well, speaking from experience I'm not sure that growing up without a father is the way to go either. But I have no right to judge I suppose," Mark said.

"What if there was a way that my child could grow up with a different father?" Alexis asked.

Mark looked at her carefully for a moment. "You can't be suggesting," he began then stopped.

"You're the only person who could understand. Sonny's world took your child away. Don't make me pay that same price."

"One child can never replace another," Mark said.

"No, but we could make this work," Alexis said. They could. They would have to.

"Alexis, this is crazy."

"It's crazy enough that it will work."

"You want me to claim your child while I'm engaged to your sister."

"Kristina will understand, eventually," Alexis said. She would have to.

Kristina had understood, but she hadn't agreed. Kristina's efforts to tell Sonny the truth had ultimately led to her death, only a few weeks later, when Luis Alcazar blew up Sonny's warehouse. A favorite phrase of PCPD Chief John Quartermaine's ran through Alexis' head. You don't have to pull the trigger to be a murderer.

Every time she heard those words Alexis reflected that she could blame Luis Alcazar, Sonny Corinthos, or Roy DeLucca but she was the one who had made the choices that put her sister in harm's way. One desperate choice and one coerced choice had unleashed a path of death and destruction. Often Alexis still wondered how things would have been different if she had never gone to Mark in the first place.

Mark hadn't been her first thought, Jax had been. She had thought he was her friend then, perhaps he even had been. In the end she had decided to honor that friendship and not mess up his attempts to reconcile with Brenda. She had told herself that at least. Kristina had challenged that; Kristina had said that she hadn't chosen Jax because she didn't want to push Brenda back into Sonny's arms. Admitting that Kristina had been right only made Alexis feel like more of a murderess.