AN: So this chapter is barely over my stated minimum length, but as you've gotten several chapters twice as long recently, I think you'll all survive. Anyway, enjoy!

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Deadly Affection – Reimagined

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters. I just play around with them.

Chapter 16: Small Confessions

Bella PoV

I was staring at my phone as the screen turned black for the umpteenth time. My mind was just running blanks for what I was going to say. The faint sounds of the TV downstairs was the only distraction that my mind knew to try to stop thinking too much about what I wanted to say. The wind whistling gently through the trees outside had already become so familiar that I barely paid attention to it anymore.

I unlocked my phone again and resumed staring at her contact info. Why had she seemed so distraught at lunch? It wasn't as if I was going to chew her out, right? It felt... off. Like the response I thought up, didn't deserve such a reaction from her. Unless there was something else there. I mean, I could understand it if she was into me. But that would just be ridiculous. She had Jasper.

Then again, she did like to tease me whenever she found the opportunity. But that was just who she was, right? Maybe it was because of the way I responded to her at times. When I was overtly, and awkwardly, flirting with her, she thought that was just the way I behaved? So she tried to respond in kind. Trying to match my rhythm. That still doesn't explain the reaction however.

Unless she thought in a roundabout way that I was genuinely angry with her, for trying to play along. But then I'd have to be a raging potato for flirting with her in the first place. Why do people have to be so damn perplexing?

Once again, the screen turned dark in my hands. I wonder what she thought I was doing, if she was looking at me with her visions now. Would she be annoyed with me for being so undetermined? She was probably being bombarded with visions of me changing my mind of what I would say. If she bothered to even look, after how I screwed up earlier. The fact that she hasn't called, or even sent a text, might suggest she doesn't care. Or she was trying to give me time to make up my mind. Arrrgh, I'm making this way to complicated.

A flare of anger finally brought me out of my funk, and I unlocked my phone yet again. This time I hit call though, so that was an improvement. As I put the phone to my ear and heard it ring, I got nervous again. I still had no idea what the hell I was going to say. It vanished with a sigh as she picked up.

''Hey Bella!'' Alice said, sounding as chipper as ever. If I was an overexcited teen, I might have said my heart skipped a beat. Then again, I sort of am. But I knew there was a small hurdle to overcome before we could go back to happy ever after. Leaving little irritations festering wasn't something I was interested in doing.

''Hello Alice.'' I replied, not being quite as joyful as her. I think I heard Emmett in the background, before the sound of the microphone rubbing against clothes. ''Is this a bad time?'' I asked when it stopped.

''No, it's fine. Just had to get out of the house.'' Alice said, and this time the tone was completely different. More serious than I think I've heard her be. Was she hiding this from her family? Did I upset her that much? It made my stomach turn into knots imagining.

''I'm sorry.'' I blurted out, starting to get kind of worried. ''I-..'' I started, before swallowing to relieve the pressure in my throat. I tried again. ''Could we meet? I think it would be best if we had this conversation in person.''

I heard Alice hum for a second, thinking it over. Probably checking what I had decided to say. Sucks that I haven't got a fucking clue myself though. Would it be cheating to ask her to tell me what I was going to say? What would the laws of nature have to say about that I wondered briefly. If free will isn't completely true, is it possible our perception of what makes time-travel supposedly impossible, is flawed? Could she actually tell me what I would say before I knew it myself?

Sheesh, Alice was taking a long time to respond. Was she deliberately trying to make me overthink this?

''Yes.'' Alice answered. That was it. Yes. If I wasn't lying in my bed, I think I might have had an accident. ''Go to the clearing you trained in, I'll be there before long. Ohh and Emmett wanted me to remind you of the rods he gave you.''

Oh right, those. Wait, when did he tell her that?

You know what, I'm not even gonna go there. I've been overthinking things too much today as it is.

''Sure. See you in a bit.'' I replied, and curtly hung up the phone. I was more focused on trying to figure out how to apologize, if that is even what I wanted to do. That cynical part of me was piping up rather loudly, what it thought about thoughts being something to apologize for.

Pocketing my phone, I got up from bed and prepared to head out. I put on my jacket up in my room, and stuffed the metal rods up the sleeve of my right arm to hide them from Charlie. With everything odd going on, there really wasn't much good that could come from him seeing that. And then I headed downstairs.

I wasn't sure how Alice would choose to travel, though my guess would be on foot, as a parked car could be used as evidence to tie her down to being in one spot. Where something nefarious, if spotted by the wrong people, was about to go down. How fast would she be able to run here, I wonder. It took almost twenty minutes by car, but with how fast a vampire could move, and how much more direct the route could be, she could probably beat me to the clearing.

''I'm going out.'' I announced as I reached the bottom of the stairs. I felt my gaze locking in on the door as I walked. I didn't want to have to lie to Charlie again.

''Sure Bella. Be careful.'' Charlie responded without looking my way. The apathy of his words made me flinch, knowing I had no one to blame but myself for that. The distant tone he had used since Billy was here was really starting to worry me. And he hadn't really been talkative at dinner either. I would have to talk to him about what that old coot had said at a later date, but right now I had more urgent matters to attend.

''I will.'' I said quietly, mostly to myself as I walked out the door. Thoughts were buzzing in my mind as I walked up into the forest. Should I take her ability into account to the reality of our situation? Does the fact that she can see what I intend to say, even if I change my mind before I say it, trump the fact that I didn't actually say it? Is the fact that she can see it enough to make it real?

Or is it something that she should just have to learn to live with? Even thinking that made me grow frustrated with myself. Yes, it was something unique to her, but that doesn't mean it wasn't real to her. I just had to learn to not decide to speak what I'm thinking immediately. Perhaps that could also help me learn to control my recent bout of brazen decisions, like how I handled the shifters. Which only really worked out in the end, thanks to a certain pixie.

And I found her sitting with her legs crossed on the rock like last time, with her back to me. I could see that she smiled briefly as I sat down in the crater that I made back then. She didn't make a move, or even a sound, as I did.

''So...'' I started, trying desperately to get my mind to work with me here. I knew what I had to do, but I still had no idea how. Maybe it was a little bit too quick for this meeting.

''Yes.'' Alice responded, without the open ending hanging in the air. ''I'm sorry.'' She continued with a huff, bending down to rest her elbows on her knees, her chin leaning on folded hands. I was confused as to the turn-around, but before I got to voice it, she continued.

''I've seen you beating yourself up about it, even though you did nothing wrong.'' There was a sadness to her tone as she spoke that made me flinch. ''I've had to deal with this at times, with my curse being what it is. It's not right that you have to feel guilty for something you didn't say.''

It seems I was still underestimating this little pixie. I really must be naive. ''I didn't, that is true. But I was still so prepared to be nasty to you, for simply asking me a question. So much so, that you could see it.'' I said quietly, nervously fiddling with the cuff of my jacket. ''I didn't say it out loud, but it was still real to you. And because of that, I feel guilty. So, I'm sorry.''

The wind whistling through the treetops was only interrupted once Alice started laughing. The clear, chime like tone being depreciated by the fact that her smile didn't reach her eyes. It was fake, which was underpinned by the abrupt end of her laugh.

''Well I suppose that means we're at sort of an impasse. I don't want to make you feel like you can't think critically of me, or my whole family for that matter. I know how it feels like having to watch what you're thinking. And I don't want to make you feel like you have to do that around me.'' Alice said in a quiet response. Her gaze was drawn up, as the stars started to make their presence known in night sky. I felt stupid for not realizing just how constricting that must feel.

''Thanks.'' I replied, not really sure how to respond to that. It was nice to know where she stood on the matter at least. ''I will try to make an effort not to... decide, to be an asshat with every whim.'' I almost wanted to say that I blame the mental effects of whatever was happening to me. But I didn't want to make it seem like I was just making excuses. That, and I still didn't want her to know how fucked up my mind was. Which is what actually got me into this mess to begin with, so that hope can probably take a running leap off a cliff.

''Just out of curiosity, what did you see me tell you?'' I asked after a few seconds of silence. Her brows furrowing in confusion made me elaborate quickly. ''It's just that, you seemed to react so negatively. And I don't remember much apart from this unnatural anger of mine.'' Alice seemed to draw into herself as I spoke. I felt troubled as I saw the her flinch from remembering whatever it was. What the hell could I have said to illicit that from her even now? I felt a burning pressure in my chest as I grew angry with myself for causing this.

''I think it would be best to forget it.'' Alice answered a little too quickly for my liking. She knew I would ask. And that meant pushing it wouldn't be any good. Which also told me something about how bad it was. That only served to make me even more concerned.

''Surely you can see the loop this puts us in?'' I replied, and got a soft sigh as an immediate response. She folded her hands in front of her, and starting fidgeting. If I didn't know she was a bad-ass vampire, I think I could have mistaken her for being vulnerable in that moment. To my surprise, the cynical part of me didn't refute that thought. In fact, it was oddly quiet in my mind right now. Other than the dread at getting to know what Alice had seen me say.

''Let's just say it went along the lines of me being a pretentious little-person, that had no right to meddle in your life. In not as nice a wording.'' Alice said after deliberating for a few more seconds. I felt a pit in my stomach gnawing as the immediate shock of it wore off. And it didn't get better as I realized how censored that probably was.

''Please. I need to know every word.'' I pleaded, desperate to know what it was so I could take it back. Or at least apologize. I felt my muscles lock up as I tensed at the edge of the rock I was sitting on.

''You better think again, if you believe I'm here for your pleasure you fucking midget. Clairvoyant or not, don't pretend to understand my motivations.'' Alice intoned, and I could imagine hearing myself say the words. I shot up from my seat and turned to look at her back. She was frozen in place, still as a statue.

''I'm so fucking sorry! Crap, how could I even think of saying that? What the fuck is wrong with me.'' I most likely shouted as I paced from side to side, feeling the gnawing in my stomach grow more and more painful. ''I don't think of you as a midget! I mean, yeah, you're a little short, but I don't think any less of you for that. I wouldn't have you any other way!'' I blurted out as a pressure was building in the back of my mind. It didn't feel the same as it used to. It was just a cold, steady pressure compared to the tingling heat I usually felt.

''And you've probably already saved my life with the shifters, and I owe you for that. So who am I to think you can't have a say in my life.'' It sort of clicked for me in my mind, that what I had thought of as my cynical 'side' was nothing more than my base impulses. My own 'beast', as Rosalie put it. ''Please, you have to believe me.'' I begged quietly, my feet stopping as I looked at Alice.

I saw her tilt her head to the side, her eyes flicking around the forest floor. Maybe she was considering something, or remembering, but I couldn't tell. All I know is she did that for a while before she voiced a response.

''I know this is all so sudden for you. Maybe I shouldn't be so forward with you. Let you have some space to grow into this whole thing.'' Alice said, and once again left me a little stumped. I was trying to apologize, so what was this about? How would taking things slower help with this? Had they been any slower, the shifters would have taken chunks out of me. Or was she thinking of our friendship?

Alice startled me as she stood up and looked in my direction with a small smile. ''I do believe you Bella.'' She assured me, before looking to the ground. She seemed... Pleased? And perhaps guilty. She had seen this play out as well. And most of my responses were reactionary, so she wouldn't have had a hard time of it. Yet she let it play out.

I felt my cheeks blush from embarrassment at being played again. And while I felt a little indignant about it, I had caused this. ''Did it at least help ease your worries?'' I asked her with a teasing smile. She had the decency to look sheepish, before we both burst out into giggles. I got a little worried as the new cold pressure started spreading out to my extremities, but it wasn't as great as to pop my cloak, so I disregarded it.

''Seriously though. No takesie-backsies. We're best friends now, so deal with it.'' I said, putting my hands to my hips to display my stubbornness on the matter. I earned a crushing hug from the tiny imp before she started spinning us around in circles while laughing. It was still kinda off-putting to see her strength in action, but I supposed that would fade over time.

Just as I started getting dizzy from being spun around by the cute vampire, she put me back down to the ground. I noticed her pupils were more dilated than usual again. Must be the proximity to a source of blood.

''Wouldn't dream of it.'' Alice said with a brilliant smile. ''So, now that the hard part's over. What do you want to do?'' She asked with a genuine smile.

''Well... I do believe it's my turn to ask a question?'' I asked her tentatively, not sure if she wanted to continue our little game. Now that we were alone, it seemed like a good time for the question I thought up earlier. Though I felt a little hesitation, as it was quite personal. Her expression became marred by a frown, before she sighed.

''I see. You are correct to assume that I usually put on a front for my family. Stuff gets boring when you know someone for so long, that you know how they will react to most situations. That, and my visions just compound the issue, I guess.'' Alice explained, her eyes locking with mine. I didn't see any resentment in her honey colored eyes, only patient understanding. ''I usually try to make a game out of it. See if I can make them surprise me with their reactions. Though I haven't had to do that since you showed up.'' Her smile returned with a force that made me look away.

Somewhere deep in my gut an unfamiliar feeling bloomed. I was happy, but it was more than that. I tried to focus more on it, to understand it. Only for my stomach to groan loudly, to which I looked horrified back at Alice, who only proceeded to laugh into the evening sky.

''How is that even possible. I just ate!'' I bemoaned as I buried my face into my hands, trying to hide my blush. It felt like I could eat dinner over again. What is this thing doing to me? I didn't even spend any energy. It could barely be called a short hike to get here.

''See, that is why we're the best of friends. You never cease to surprise me!'' Alice said with joy. There was no anger in me this time, unlike the last. I guess knowing that I bring some relief to her existence helped in that.

''So, my turn to ask.'' Alice said as I looked back up to her. For a few seconds she seemed to deliberate on something, biting her lower lip. ''With everything that's changed for you, and with how it turned out with my family. What's the thing you are most concerned for in the future?'' Her question surprised me, as it was not something I had considered yet.

There was no immediate plan, other than finish school here in Forks. I hadn't really thought of it further, which scared me. Again, her eyes showed patience. Perhaps some eagerness, if I wasn't mistaken. And it made me want to be as open with her as she was with me.

''Well I haven't made any plans. Since this thing started, it's just been one hit after another. I've been too focused on making it through the moment to figure out where I want to go.'' I started rambling, but I denied myself the embarrassment from knowing that I was doing that. Better get it all out first. ''I don't know if I can ever live a normal life, once school is finished. If I'm even able to hide my abilities, out there in the human world.'' At this point I was mostly just thinking out loud, when Alice's quiet laughter interrupted me.

''I'm sorry. I guess I didn't word my question properly. I meant more along the lines of; what do you fear the most?'' Alice hastily explained. The Swan curse struck again as I felt heat blooming in my face. How could I... You know what, fuck it. Honest mistake. Moving on.

''Why do you torment me so?'' I asked with a sigh. ''So. What do I fear. Well there's the shifters, they don't seem that nice.'' I considered adding something about vampires eating my ass, but that joke probably wouldn't go over well right now. Then I found my answer in what I didn't actually want her to know. But I wanted to open. Genuine. I blame hundred year old role models.

''I think what I fear the most, is what this power is doing to me. The things I can't see.'' I answered. It made the mood turn somber as Alice just hummed in response, her eyes flitting around the clearing. It would no doubt be the point of future questions, but not right now.

''Hey, you want to test those rods Emmett gave you?'' Alice said, effectively changing the subject. I would have to remember that it was my turn to ask a question for later.

I ended up having to take off my jacket to get them out. Feeling out my reserves, and taking a quick note of my current state of mind, I figured I could probably try to do what Emmett asked. So instead of getting undressed, I just rolled up my sweater to my elbow.

''What, no show today?'' Alice asked with a smirk. It was obviously a joke, but still I felt my cheeks heat up. I just shook my head while laughing it off. ''Aww, shucks.'' She said, doing her best to look like she was pouting. It just made me blush harder.

I placed two of the rods on my jacket as I held the last one in my left hand. Electing to keep my second sight off to reduce distractions, I tried to focus solely on letting my cloak appear in a single place. It felt odd at first. Like a solid stream of calm, yet persistent force pushing through every nerve in my body, slowly moving towards my left palm.

As it moved, I felt strength even greater than what I think was usual, pulse in the affected muscles. And when it reached my palm, the metal made some weird squeaking noise. But try as I might, my cloak didn't flare up. It almost felt like I didn't reach the limit to force the cloak to appear.

The sound of a sharp intake of air from Alice drew my attention, and I saw her eyes flutter briefly. It even looked like she almost stumbled, as she took half a step towards me. Did she have a vision of something? Were we in danger?

''Alice? Is everything alright?'' I asked her urgently, but she did not respond. It took a few seconds before she straightened up and looked at me though hooded eyes. To my shock there was barely even a hint of honey at the very edge of her iris, the pupils being extremely dilated.

Her jaw clenched tightly, before she looked away. Having let my senses flood the area to look for threats, I noticed she had stopped breathing. ''It's nothing. Keep going.'' Alice said through gritted teeth. Her body stilled completely, making her look like a fancy statue placed randomly in the forest. I wonder what she must have seen for her to have this reaction? But I figured she wouldn't want to talk about it, so I ignored the odd occurrence. We weren't in any immediate danger as far as I could tell, but I still chose to keep my second sight active going forwards.

The odd feeling had disappeared, replaced by the normal rush of energy tingling down my spine, and into my hand. In an attempt to copy the effects of the first time I tried this, I started chanting 'destroy' in my mind. To my great delight, it worked this time. The cloak emerged like smoke from just below my wrist, engulfing my hand and part of the rod. I could immediately see pockmarks appear in the metal, and before long it was absolutely covered in them. It was fascinating to see the metal just... degrade at such a rapid pace.

Sucking the cloak back into my body, with some effort, I placed it down on my jacket. That's when I noticed indentations that matched my grip, effectively making a mold of my hand. That was odd. I don't think I gripped it that tightly. Perhaps I underestimated the durability of the rod.

Alice picked up the rod from my jacket and looked at it without a word. And then she just walked away from me a few steps, staring intently at the object. What surprised me more was that she brought it up to her face and seemed to smell it. I swear that little imp would remain a mystery to me to the day I bite the dust. Whatever. I had more rods to test out.

I briefly noted to myself how different I was thinking in the moment, before disregarding that as well.

The second try I barely had to think the word in my mind, before the cloak reappeared around my left fist, and the darker metal that was in my hand reacted much in the same way as the first. The only difference was that this survived a little longer before it was completely covered. Maybe as long as fifteen seconds compared the the first one that took five. I also noted a lack of indentations in this rod as I placed it down, so it seemed to have that advantage as well.

I picked up the last one that looked more like the proper steel color that I imagined when picturing metal. At least compared to the first one that looked shiny, like chrome. And this time the cloak surrounded my hand as soon as I had cleared my jacket. I actually had to jerk my hand away from it to avoid singing it.

It seemed like we'd found a winner, as the pockmarks didn't even start appearing until after the first almost twenty seconds. Even holding it for a minute straight, it wasn't halfway to covered in them, like the others. Just for fun, I tried to grip it a little tighter than last time. There was no sign of damage from that as I powered back down and put on my jacket again.

Alice seemed to have figured out whatever it was that had occupied her, as she walked back to me. I held the rods out to her, one in each hand, and indicated to the one that had the least damage. ''This one seems to hold up the best.'' I told her, giving both to her.

She took them without issue and placed them in her pocket, before locking eyes with me again. Her pupils still weren't down to their regular size, but it seemed to be getting there. Perhaps she had a vision of her family out hunting something? Who knows.

''I'll tell Emmett when I get home. I have to go though, something's come up.'' Alice said and I immediately felt a little annoyed, knowing she was hiding something. Maybe it had something to do with the shifters, but even then, why not tell me?

''Sure thing. See you at school tomorrow?'' I asked, doing my best to hide my disappointment with cutting our time short. It didn't seem to work, as she gave me an apologetic smile in return.

''I'll be the first face you'll see.'' She answered, tapping her temple. Then she waved her goodbyes before she ran out of the clearing at vampire speeds, barely even a blur to my non-powered eyes.

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Alice was true to her word, as she stood by the entrance to the parking lot the next morning, waving like a crazy person as I entered. I was not above admitting to the fact that it kind of made my day. That, and the way she skipped over to my car with a huge smile on her face, the honey colored eyes shining as bright as ever.

After a silly greeting and a blush on my part, we resumed with the questions. She even tried to ask one first, though I reminded her it was my turn. The classes seemed to fly by, as I was thinking more about what to ask her next, than I did on the subjects in question. Lunch was a high point, as everyone at the table participated in some broader questions. Though that was probably only because Edward didn't show up. He was still in class after lunch, but he didn't reply to any of my prods this time either.

The rest of the week went mostly like that, and while some part of me regretted pushing the humans away as much as I did, I still tried to be cordial with them. Jessica didn't like that much though, and took to ignoring me as much as she could. Thankfully Angela wasn't like that.

As the weekend approached, I had to turn down offers to hang out at the Cullen mansion. I still felt a little apprehensive about going over there when Edward acted the way he did. And even though Alice probably knew I was overexaggerating when I claimed to want to hang out with Charlie, she didn't make a fuzz about it.

Dad seemed to relax some more as I spent some time with him, suffering through a whole match one evening. He didn't share what he and Billy had talked about when I gently prodded him on the matter, but I guess that was to be expected. He was probably still upset about the whole thing.

I also spent some time trying to control how my cloak emerged up in my clearing. A few hours of forcing it to appear mid-punch or kick, and a whole lot of broken bones later, I felt somewhat confident about it. At least that I could control it enough to not ruin all my clothes if I got jumped by Rosalie again.

Audrey seemed a little reserved when I called her in the evening. Though that was probably because I was shutting down most of the conversations that involved the vampires that now permeated most everything in my daily life. She did tell me that there was someone that caught her attention recently, but wouldn't divulge any specifics on whoever that person was. Followed by a very sudden goodbye. She didn't even wait for me to respond before she shut off the call.

When monday came I resumed barraging Alice with questions, though by now they had devolved into the more generic ones. She made no mention of it, as she played along with similar ones herself. One thing did change that day, as Edwards was suddenly present at lunch again. He didn't answer any questions, but still, it was an improvement. And by wednesday he even acknowledged my existence in biology. Though that was probably because we had a project that required two people, and he didn't want to bother with any humans.

I joked with him regarding that, which got a brief chuckle out of him. That's when he started opening up again, slowly.

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AN: I'm sorry if this feels rushed at parts. I struggled with some of it, and I've had several things on my mind the last few weeks. Still, I hope you all enjoyed it!