Chapter 8: Just Breathe

As she huffed and puffed into a paper bag, Alexis had an eerie suspicion her life might be past the point of return. Might be? she chided herself internally. Her lips felt numb and the room was spinning. Somehow paper bags were more effective when Sonny was holding them. Maybe that was why Mark had been so wary of them as a great strategy. Or maybe it had been because Mark seemed to have infinite trust in his cousin, Dr. Monica Quartermaine, and who advocated something called diaphragmatic breathing which sounded ridiculous. Mark trying to teach her how to do it had been even more ridiculous.

October 2, 1999

"Try to think about filling your lungs from the bottom up," Dr. Mark Quartermaine whispered as he readjusted the pillow, so it was under shoulders as well as her head.

"What?!" Alexis gasped.

Mark laid a hand across her chest. "The trick is breathing with your diaphragm not your upper body. I'm going to help you and you can do this. You want to expand your abdomen when you take a breath."

It was a nice thought, Alexis supposed even if it sounded almost as hokey as Feng Shui. Feng Shui made her think of Kristina though which just made it even harder to breathe.

Mark had eventually given up on his attempts to teach her tranquility, or even diaphragmatic breathing. He had discovered that the secret to the paper bag trick was early initiation. He had started carrying paper bags with him everywhere even though he still thought that things would be better if she could just learn diaphragmatic breathing. Perhaps he was right, and it would have been easier to learn how to breathe with her diaphragm if she had practiced when she wasn't stressed. She had laughed at the suggestion because she hadn't wanted to admit she didn't know what it was like to not be stressed. She certainly hadn't at any time during the pregnancy but honestly, she wasn't sure she had at any time in the past year.

That was probably a bigger problem Alexis decided as she slumped back in her chair as her arms got heavier and it was harder to hang onto the stupid paper bag. She needed to get a grip, on the paper bag, on her life, on something. She needed to do something other than watch the room spin and remember the past with Sonny Corinthos and Dr. Mark Quartermaine.

Neither of them loved her and she had never loved Mark so why was she even letting herself go there? Maybe she really was neurotic?As Alexis contemplated that last question everything faded to black.

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Sonny closed his phone with a bad feeling. Normally Alexis would at least take his calls even if she came up with an excuse to hang up only seconds after. Or maybe it wasn't an excuse, she was a busy woman, but if he was honest, he thought it was probably an excuse. He tried to reassure himself that she was in a meeting, or sick of renegotiating the great child exchange as she had put it earlier, whatever that meant. Yet, he still felt uneasy. Anyway, it was almost four so he figured she should be done with her meetings if Baldwin wasn't working her too hard. He probably was, that was probably it, Sonny tried to reassure himself. He wasn't reassured though as he guided both daughters through the mall.

"Can we go to the movies?" Kristina asked.

"We can go pick one out after dinner," Sonny said as he continued walking.

"But I want to see The Game Plan and it is only in theaters," Kristina said.

Sonny hadn't heard of that movie and had a sinking suspicion it was probably one Alexis had already vetoed. He had already messed up with "Bridge to Terrabithia" somehow. Although he still wasn't sure why Alexis had vetoed that one. Brooke had wanted to see it over the summer, and it had said ages seven and up on the review for parents he had read. So, he had taken Brooke and Kristina and it had been a disaster. Brooke had cried, or more aptly sobbed and Lois had been on call and at the hospital pushing TPA or something equally critical, so he hadn't had a choice but to call Ned. Kristina had launched into a tantrum because they hadn't stopped to get ice cream on the way home, or maybe because Ned had been focused on Brooke. After all of that, Alexis informed him that Bridge to Terrabitha was on the Kristina may not see movie list but then kept forgetting to give him a copy of the list so he could pick more appropriate movies in the future.

"So, what did your mom say about seeing this the Game Plan?" Sonny asked.

"She didn't say I couldn't," Kristina said.

"Did she say you could?" Sonny asked as they reached the entrance to the mall and he started to pick up Molly.

Kristina slowly stuck out her bottom lip. "I bet Daddy Mark would let me see it," she said.

"Well, Mark isn't your father," Sonny said. Except it was more complicated than that. Kristina had thought Mark was her father for the first almost four years of her life and then she saw Ric more than him for another almost three years.

Kristina didn't say anything more. She silently climbed up into his SUV as he fastened Molly back into her car seat. She was still pouting when he pulled out of the parking lot. Yeah that was something else he probably needed to address, Mark. He fit in there somewhere maybe after addressing Kristina's tantrums and Brooke's grief over her best friend's death. Or maybe Mark and Ned were supposed to be part of him addressing those things, but he wasn't quite sure he could go there.

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Kyle Durant tossed a few shadow files into his briefcase and closed the top. He had been halfway to the elevator when he realized that if Scott and Abby had already left for the day it was probably his responsibility to make sure Alexis didn't work until midnight as he knew she had done before on Friday nights when Sonny had her daughters.

As he doubled back, Kyle figured he could legitimately pry Alexis away with an offer of dinner. He figured he could even make it believable that she was doing him a favor to dine with him since his girlfriend, Faith, was visiting her cousin who was in the hospital, hopefully not having a baby anytime soon since she was only thirty weeks or something. That might go over better since Alexis hated anything that even resembled a hint of pity. In reality he didn't pity her. He just recognized that life was hard sometimes, and he could see how hers was specifically. Even so, lately he had noticed that she was even more on edge than before. He hadn't pried the information out of her earlier, and doing that over dinner wasn't his goal, but he was concerned.

When he initially poked his head into Alexis' office, Kyle smiled that her desk chair was empty. She had left before 4:30 on a Friday afternoon. That was a definite accomplishment. He reached over to toss the remains of the popcorn he had left earlier and noticed the figure lying on the floor. As he dropped his briefcase and knelt beside her, he was slightly reassured to see the rise of her chest. Breathing was good, he thought as he felt a pulse in her neck and reached for his cell phone to call for help.