Beyond Degrassi: It Still Goes There
A/N: Yeah, took me a long time to get to this chapter and will probably take me a long time to get to the next. Sorry about that, 'Just died in your arms tonight' has kind of been occupying my free time. And my Palex fan art is done too. So yey! Palex!
Part 6: Inhibition: The Thin Red Line Between Love and Hate
Emma rolled over to put her arm around Jay. Her arm fell on the bed. She groggily opened her eyes and looked around the room. Jay was already gone off to work. She stretched and yawned on the bed that was nothing more than a mattress thrown on the floor. She got up and put her pajama pants on. She tossed on a loose spaghetti strap top too. She didn't like walking around the house in her under wear, the way Alex looked at her creeped her out sometimes. Jay told her she was just being paranoid, but she didn't care. She could see something he couldn;t, and she was sure of it. She walked into the kitchen and opened up their fridge, and pulled out the jug of milk.
"G'afternoon, freeloader." Alex said from the kitchen entranceway.
"Quit calling me that." Emma retorted, "Paige doesn't pay for anything either, you know."
"Right, right... but Paige doesn't live here either." Alex countered. Emma glared at her and poured herself a glass of milk. She was over the junk, thanks to Jay and Paige. Just a week ago she had stopped taking the methadone all together. She was doing okay, but Alex sometime pushed her to her limits. Sometime she wanted to go out on the streets and start back up. Sometimes. "I don't see what Jay sees in you."
Emma didn't either. But Jay took care of her. Jay cared about her. "Your one to talk." She laughed, then took a nice long drink of the cold milk. Paige was way too good for Alex, as far as Emma was concerned. Alex just crossed her arms and frowned at her. Emma gave Alex a condescending smile milk mustache and all. The phone ringing broke up their stare down. Alex walked over and answered it.
"Nah, babe. I was just sitting around the house." She said. Emma scoffed. "You don't have class today? Cool, yeah. See ya then love." She hung up the phone and glared at Emma.
"What?" Emma glared back.
"Paige is coming over, so go make yourself scarce." she suggested forcefully.
"Why? Paige likes hanging out with me." Emma said proudly, after all Paige had become Emma's friend, "I bet if I go 'make myself scarce' she'll come get me anyway."
Alex didn't deem that worthy of comment. She started picking up trash, and tidying up. Emma finished her glass of milk, rinsed the glass and did as Alex had asked. She went back into Jay's room, where she would be bored until Paige showed up. About an hour later she heard the front door. There was an exchange of words, and then a knock on her door. Paige was here, and inviting her out already.
"Yeah?" She asked innocently, even though she knew what was coming.
"Paige brought you lunch." Alex mumbled through the door. So Emma came out, and the three of them ate the food Paige brought. Paige was really cheerful, she just aced a really tough exam, and she was completely caught up on her homework., she was almost done with her entire first year of Banting. Only six weeks left she boasted to them. Alex was doing what she typically did while Paige was around. She smiled a lot. She made some jokes, but tried to only make jokes Paige wouldn't get upset at her for making. She never spoke to Emma while Paige was around. After the lunch the three of them watched a movie together, it was some dumb teenage slasher Alex had picked up. After the movie Alex asked Paige if she was ready to go.
"I know I keep putting it off..." Paige responded, "But I still don't know if I can do it. Can we wait a little longer?"
"Oh, come on Paige," Alex groaned, "If you don't want to do it, we won't okay? But no more of this whole unsure thing! Just do or don't"
"I do want to." Paige said, "I do."
"Are you two still talking about those tattoo's?" Emma asked Paige, this conversation was endless. She hadn't heard it for a while though, so she thought maybe they had just gone and done it already. "I thought you went in to get those two weeks ago."
"I kinda chickened out." Paige bit her lip. This didn't surprise Emma, Paige had told her about how she was afraid of needles.
"Kind of? Hah!" Alex laughed, "Let's just forget about it, okay?"
"No, no... I'll go. Let's go." She stood up and walked over to Alex. She kissed her on the cheek then turned to Emma again, "You should come with us. I'll pay for you to get one too, if you want."
Alex gave Emma a dirty look over Paige's shoulder. Emma smiled warmly at Paige, "You know what? I've always wanted a tattoo, I'm in."
Paige giggled and fell back into Alex's arms. She looked up at Alex, who changed her expression from angry to unamused just for Paige's benefit. She was getting really sick of never having any alone time with Paige. They only had the few occasions where Paige spent the night, and even then Paige would just fall asleep as soon as Alex was finally rid of Emma. It was a constant irritation.
The tattoo thing was important to her though. It was a symbol of how in love they were. It was something akin to getting married, but without as much hassle, the way she saw it. It was a serious commitment. And they finally did it, Paige and Alex got tattoo's with each other's name in them. Alex had Paige tattooed on her arm, with a tribal band coming out from it. Paige had Alex put on her left shoulder blade, just the name. Emma didn't actually stay for a tattoo; before her turn was up she had taken off. She had only come along to upset Alex, the fun in that only lasted so long.
At Jay's work...
Jay was sitting leaned back in his chair with his feet propped up on his desk. It was a dull security job. He was suppose to sit in this little hut all day and get the names of people entering the complex. It was a storage complex, nothing exciting at all. Today he was called in for the swing shift, he preferred the night shift. They were closed for the night shift, that meant all the time in the world to sleep.
A sexy little surprise dropped by to see him though, and that made the swing shift perfectly alright this day. Of course, he didn't really like the idea of her wandering around town. He didn't exactly trust her to not find a dealer. "Hey babe, what you doing here?" He greeted with a flirty smile.
"Thought I'd come see what you did all day." Emma traced her finger along the glass window of the hut, then leaned at the door frame gazing in at him.
"Unfortunately all the excitement has already passed for the day." He joked, "I just finished filling out all the police reports, and mopping up the blood."
"Oh?" She played along with it, "How many people did you have to shoot down today?"
"Must have been near twenty guys." He raised the number by one every time they did this. "I'm gonna need some serious stress relief when I get home. You there for me babe?"
"Oh I'll be there." She said, her mood dropping, "Alex is driving me nuts. Can we please get our own place?"
"What did she do now?" Jay frowned, "She's always complaining about you, too. You're my two favorite girls in the whole world, babe, why can't you just get along? Eh?"
Emma sighed heavily, "Have you tried asking her that? She's the one giving me attitude you know?"
"I hardly see her, man. We work complete opposite shifts, you know that. Just tell her Jay said to be nice, okay?" He walked over and put his hands on her waist, "And if she doesn't believe you I'll come home and kick her ass for you alright?"
"Really?" Emma said with more excitement than she meant to.
"No." He said, "But I'll tell her myself, or whatever, and that's almost like kicking her ass."
"Well.. I guess..." Emma rolled her eyes. She didn't think Alex would listen to either of them. She had it out for Emma, and for no reason at all.
"Well, you know the drill. Can't be seen here with me, I'll loose the job." He gave her a quick kiss, "Go on home and wait for me, deal?"
She lingered in his arms as long as she could. She needed the physical touch. It kept her mind off of the drugs she didn't have. She wished he could be home always, then she'd never miss the drugs at all. Jay was like her new drug.
Later that night evening...
"C'mon Paige..." Alex said as she walked in the door, "Just stay the night. Please?"
"Don't do that to me Alex. You know I want to, but I have to go." Paige responded with that hurt in her voice. Emma was used to hearing this fight. Alex never wanted Paige to go home. Paige sometimes gave in, sometimes she left anyway. Alex always had a fit of anger after Paige said no. Tonight was going to be a great night to tell Alex 'Jay said to be nice.' Hah.
"You don't have to go." Alex retorted angrily, "Earlier today you were going on and on about how caught up you were. That meant extra time with me, right? Right?"
"I've been with you all day!" Paige was getting angry too now. As expected. The fights were always the same. "I got your name very painfully scratched into my shoulder with a sharp metal needle. What more do you want from me?"
"I want you to stay!"
"Look. I'm leaving. I was going to stay for a while, but now I know this just isn't going to end." Paige hugged Alex goodbye, but Alex refused to let go.
"Why can't you stay? Why are you rushing off to your dumb dormitory anyway? Isn't it better here with me?" She was guilt tripping again. She hated when she started guilt tripping. Tonight she really, really wanted Paige though. She desperately wanted her girlfriend in her arms. She wanted to wake up with her. She loved that more than anything in the world. Why did Paige have to be so difficult? Paige was prying herself out of Alex's grip. It was further proof of how unwanted she was, at least as she was feeling right then.
"Good night." Paige said with her own anger smoldering in her tone. She pushed Alex off completely, "I'll call you when I get out of class tomorrow"
"Fine. Whatever." Alex scowled. She walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer. Paige scowled back, not liking that Alex always had to 'drink' her sorrow away. It was way too dramatic. Alex opened the beer and chugged it just to piss Paige off. It worked, Paige slammed the door on her way out.
Not ten minutes later the phone rang. Alex answered hoping it was Paige, but it wasn't. It wasn;t even for for her at all. She called Emma out of Jay's room. Emma hung up the phone feeling as frustrated as Alex. She went to the fridge and got out a beer too.
"Hey, those aren't yours." Alex snapped. Emma reached in and pulled out another. She tossed it to Alex, who had finished hers.
"They aren't yours either." Emma responded snidely, "And I'm sure he won't mind if his two favorite girls in the world down them together."
Alex opened her beer and gave Emma a suspicious look "What'd he call to say?"
"He's going to be on shift until six am." She said with spite, "The other guy called in. And now I get to spend this wonderful night with you."
"Well at least he has a good reason to not be here." Alex mumbled, "Paige just ditched me. She didn't even need to go home."
Suddenly, it was like they had something to talk about. Two beers later it was almost like they were friends. Friends that hated each other, but still friends. By the end of the case, they were very close friends. As in, Emma was straddling Alex on the couch and they were totally making out friends.
Alex pushed Emma to the floor suddenly and sat up straight, "Wah am I friggin doin?" She asked herself, more than Emma, "Am in ruv... paige..." Emma climbed back on top of her and kissed her again. She let Emma lead the way, let Emma seduce her.
Around dawn she woke up with Emma wrapped around her. She was naked, her sheets were in a disarray. Her head was spinning, she felt sick. Flashes of the drunken night burned in her mind. She wished she could say she had blacked out. Would she be able to pretend it never happened? She couldn't tell Paige. She could never tell Paige. And Jay...
Jay was due home any minute. She jumped frantically out of her own bed and pulled Emma out using the sheet that was wrapped around her. Emma woke up mid fall and barely caught herself as she slammed onto the hard floor. She smiled up at Alex, she was still very drunk.
"Go to your bed... er... no... take a shower." Alex was freaking out. She fucked up. She fucked up bad. If Paige or Jay ever found out. They couldn't, they just simply couldn't. She helped Emma stand up.
"Calm down." Emma told her. Alex was hurting her arm the way she was tugging her toward the bathroom. "I can do it, okay? Back off."
So Alex shoved her in the bathroom. She hurried back into her room and threw on some clothes. Just as her shirt made it over her head she heard the front door. Her head was spinning, and he limps felt heavy. This was way too much pressure in the fucking morning. If Paige had just stayed the god damn night... She punched a wall. It wasn't Paige's fault, it was her own. She was the screw up, not Paige.
"Alex?" Jay called out when he heard the punch to the wall, "You're awake?"
"Yeah..." Alex forced herself to walk out to greet him, "I've got to be at work in a few hours."
"Yeah, at eleven. It's six thirty." He told her. She was acting strange, he thought she seemed edgy "Are you okay?"
"I had a fight with Paige last night." She said quickly.
"Oh." Jay frowned, "I'm sorry. That sucks" He didn't know what else to say about that. Paige and Alex were Paige and Alex. They seemed to have cat fights every couple of weeks. They were always right back together though.
"Yeah... you know what? It's early, and I have a really bad hang over." She told Jay, backing back into her room, "I'm going to get some more sleep."
"One thing, Lex," He said, he looked tired. Working that 16 hour shift had done it's damage, "Just real quick. Um, could you give Emma a little bit more patience? I know you guys have your differences, but I love you both. You're my best friend, she's my girl. Think you could handle that?"
"Oh yeah." Alex nodded, "I think we've got that under control. We had ah... heart to heart last night. Yeah. Sleep would be good, for both of us. So uh, yeah." She closed her door.
She fell down onto her bed and stared at the ceiling. She was a bad girlfriend. She was a horrible girlfriend. She didn't deserve Paige, everyone was right. Paige was such a good girlfriend, she always had been. Alex listened as the shower shut off. She listened to Jay and Emma's voice carrying through the walls. Emma was flirting with him. By the fact that they had sex shortly after she got out of the shower, Alex supposed Emma was going to keep her mouth shut too. At least around Jay she would. Alex hoped to god Emma wouldn't use this against her with Paige. She couldn't let Paige find out. Paige was her life. Paige was like the sun in her miscible world, she was the whole reason to wake up in the morning. She was the reason to smile. Now Emma could ruin everything. Alex couldn't sleep a wink, no matter how tired and wrecked she felt.