Chapter 1:I Feel Cold
iHe was at the highest point of Coruscant, at the Tower of Light in the newly constructed Jedi Temple. Dusk was falling and it cut through the evening mist in rays of aggravated reds and violent violets. The air was cooled causing his breath to come in white puffs of condensed air that dissipated quickly. Below, the golden leaves of Fasha trees rustled, a cool breeze flittering through them, and stinging flying insects buzzed around in ever swaying patterns.
In the failing light the mist thickened, swirling around his compact frame and masking anything further than a few kilometers. Giving the whole atmosphere around him a surreal feel. One quick glance around him and he determined he was not alone. Another man stood on top of the Temple, the mist causing him to be cast into darkness and his gaze centered on the forest below with rapt attention.
Ben Skywalker walked to the edge and looked down through the gathering mist and saw
legions upon legions of Yuuzhan Vong circling the circumference of the Temple. His breath caught in his chest on a gasp and he suddenly remembered that this was a dream. No, not just a dream but a vision, a vision of his future.
"I refute this," he suddenly yelled. "I deny this." He would not become what this future held, he would not be the man he saw, taller, slightly more built, that was staring avidly at his Vong warriors.
Ben ran up to that man, his future self, and pointed a finger into the face that had aged by years but still held the tell-tale signs of his heritage. "I am not you," he was nearly screaming now. He threw his head upwards. "This is not my future." Ben's green-blue eyes, now shot with grey, were
avid. "I refute you."
But there was nothing to stop the progression of the future, Ben knew that he was bound to this fate as his parents had been bound to theirs. He had not been able to stop his mother's or his father's death and was now doomed to forever know the future but helpless to change it.
The man in his dream, himself only older, laughed maniacally and smiled wickedly at Ben. "You cannot refute me nor deny me. I am a part of you."
No, this darkness had nothing to do with him. He was the son of Luke and Mara Skywalker, two of the greatest Jedi in the history of the Jedi Order. bDad, help me. Please./b But Luke wasn't there, he had gone to join the Force and Mara. Unreachable, and thus unable to save his son from the fate that was promised.
"We are one," the elder version of Ben said, gripping his hand in an aggressive fist as if he controlled the very air and not just the swarming Yuuzhan Vong.
Ben shook his head, backing up from the darker version of himself, turning around and running with everything that he had. So determined was he that Ben did not stop when he came to the edge of the Temple, but hurled himself over, falling through the mist and into the Yuuzhan Vong below.
The ground was rushing up and he was about to join his parents..... /b
Ben sprung up from his bed in his quarters at the Jedi Temple, sweat pouring down his
body and he trembled with the ominous taint that still clung to him from his dream/vision. His blankets had slid off from his simple bed as he had twisted in the midst of the vision.
He and his father had worked so that he could be able to stop the visions, but when in sleep it was nearly impossible to stop them from coming. Since the death of his father these visions/dreams of his dark future had become a nightly occurrence keeping Ben from the oblivion sleep could provide him.
Rubbing sleep from his eyes, Ben stepped out of his bed and padded through his father''s
empty bedroom and into the small kitchenette right next to the main entry room. He swiped a container from one of the cupboards and began to prepare a kettle of water for some soothing hot tea. It was the only thing that came the closest to relaxing him enough to return to a dreamless sleep.
The Skywalker quarters were inordinately quiet. Always before when Ben had woken
from his visions, he had been able to hear the soft, even breathing of his father in the next room; now there was only eery silence. It was difficult to come to terms with, that no matter what his future held there would never again be the sound of his father and mother in the next room. He was alone to carry the Skywalker name, and that filled him with fear. The only people to pick
him up if he fell had been taken away from him.
Shuddering, Ben poured him a vessel of tea and came to sit on the couch, curling his legs under him in a meditative position. Bellalt had been saved, he was grateful for the many Yuuzhan Vong and other species of this galaxy that had been spared the devastation that the Dark Lord Nefarion
had plotted. But for Ben it had cost dearly; his father's life. He knew that he should release the anger and hatred he felt towards the Sith, those feelings would surely lead him down the path he most desired to stay away from. Try as he might, however, the feelings would not leave him. His parents had been stolen from him, taken by grasping people who only sought to further their own
status.
He wasn't alone as he might imagine. His aunt Leia and uncle Han had offered all their support and love, along with his cousins and their families, namely Anakin who himself was feeling the weight of loneliness since his rebirth from the Yuuzhan Vong ioombassl/i. Yet, Ben could not take their proffered hands. What if he did and he took them all down with him?
He shook his head. No, he wouldn't allow himself to do that. He would leave before he
became a danger to his family and the Order as a whole.
Ben swallowed the last of his now cold tea and slammed the vessel in his crossed legs.
Sleep, it beckoned to him. A chance for the release of reality and a chance to face his innermost fears. In some ways it filled him with hope, that oblivion was a possibility. Knowing he would be little good in his early morning exercises unless he caught a few hours of sleep, Ben rinsed his vessel and cleaned up the mess he had made in the small kitchenette.
Passing his father's bedroom he felt an unaccustomed urge, a desire he had not indulged himself in since he was very little. Crawling onto his father's bunk he slinked under the covers, cuddling against the pillow that seemed to still carry that warmth of his father. The spicy smell of
chocolate and the cool ting of bantha milk tickled his nostrils, soothing him more then the herbal mixture he had just sipped at.
When the Yuuzhan Vong war had come to its end and Ben was once again safe to be with
his two warrior parents, being alone in his own room had frightened him. Many a night he had snuck into his parents bed and nestled between the two of them, breathing in each of their scents. Mara the bitter-sweet smell of Titania flowers and his father's sweat musk. It had always made him feel safe.
After Mara died, Ben had asked his father for her pillow and Luke had given it to him
freely. Ben had clung to it for months before he realized that her scent and sense had evaporated from the object. But for now, in his father's bed, he felt that sense of safety return. As his eyes drooped and his mind slipped into that semi-consciousness known as sleep, in the safety of his father's bed, the nightmare visions disappeared.
Leia Solo had woken early, determined to clean up the rest of her brother's things. A job she knew Ben had been avoiding and one she had taken upon herself, saving her nephew from the experience he was so desperately avoiding. Her twin brother's passing had affected everyone in the Temple, but none more so then Ben. The once bright, unwavering boy had grown even more withdrawn and reclusive. Oh, he still carried on with his classes, both the ones he taught in his father's absence and the ones that would help him to advance to his knighthood. More then once one of the Jedi Masters had approached her saying that Ben was still keeping up but they worried about his attention.
The instant urge to snap at them for the insensitivity had been repressed as quickly as it came, Leia forcing her diplomatic smile in its place. What did these people expect from her nephew? Instant acceptance of becoming an orphan right in front of his eyes? She herself still reeled every time she dwelled on the thoughts that she would never see her dear brother again. Although they had not grown up together, their connection in the Force had been strong and true; when that had suddenly been ripped away it had left Leia feeling as though she was only half of who she was.
Han was little better. There were times she had witnessed him walking up and down the
spot where the Council had erected a memorial for Luke, his eyes dazzled by glints of tears. For Han his friends were his life, he had proved that countless times, beginning with the time he had come back to face the Death Star because he could not leave Luke to challenge it alone. When
Chewie died it had left Han feeling like the shell of the man he once been before; Leia had been strong for him then. But now with Luke's passing, she was at a loss to help her family, because she was lost in the same swirl of emotion.
The funeral pyre they had set for Luke had been a tremendous event, every Jedi available
swarming to the new Temple to pay homage to their Jedi Master. Since there had been no body to release to the Force, Ben had selected one of his father's Jedi robes and had placed it across the pyre before bringing the flaming torch to spark the timbers. Ben had performed the ritual Jedi
ceremony with a stone face, never cracking the deadpan facade he had built around him. For the rest of the memorial, Ben had stood with his hands clasped in front of him next to Anakin. Both boys had suffered so much and they seemed to take solace in one another's company, but Leia wondered how long that would last before Ben pushed even Anakin out.
It hit Leia how much Luke had been the glue for their family, keeping them together
through the worst of times and guiding them through the best.
Coming to her brother's memorial, Leia was struck by how well the Jedi carvers had been
able to capture Luke's likeness in the same stone the Temple had been constructed out of. Luke would have laughed at the thought, but Leia knew that the memorial helped a lot of people cope with the death of the Jedi Master. Behind the statue flashing in subdued colors were the many exploits that Luke had been a part of as well as the medal Leia herself had placed over his head. It seemed forever ago and yet just yesterday that it had happened.
From down the hall Leia was distracted from her scrutiny by the most beautiful girl she
had ever seen. Never to be called tall, as Leia was herself, the girl held herself in such a manner that it appeared as though she were. Her hair was the dark chestnut of Noral wood and her eyes even darker. She had skin the color of ivory and it went even paler as she spotted Leia.
"Padami?" the girl asked, staring at Leia as if she were a ghost.
"I'm sorry," Leia said gently, seeing that the girl was obviously distraught.
The words, however, snapped the girl out of her reverie and she shook her head. "Forgive me, I thought you were someone else."
Leia blinked. She couldn't remember the last time she had been taken for someone else. She
would have thought that she and her family had been photographed enough times that everyone knew the Skywalker/Solos as well as their own family members. A thought struck her as Leia studied the girl.
"You're Anakin's student, Analsa, aren't you?" she asked. Confused by the girl's quick reversals.
The dark haired beauty nodded. "Sort of, I suppose. I haven't actually been apprenticed
yet."
"Anakin speaks highly of your skills," Leia offered.
The girl cocked a sculpted eyebrow. "Does he?"
Why did Leia get the feeling she was exchanging a conversation with one of the skilled diplomats and not a budding student at the Temple? Perhaps it was the evasive way the girl answered every question as if she were afraid to reveal too much of herself. The way Anakin spoke of her she was an incredibly talented young woman in the Force and Leia had suspected that Anakin's feelings had begun to switch from Tahiri to the younger woman. Of course that could be Leia's wishful thinking for her youngest son. She knew that Jacen and Tahiri's relationship bothered Anakin no end and that the two brothers had not spoken much in the time since Anakin's return. She just wished for everything to work out for itself in a very unrealistic way.
"I am sorry about your brother's passing," Analsa said in a fluid sympathy that lacked the awkwardness that all the other beings who had come to offer Leia their condolences had possessed. "He was an incredible man."
Leia felt the shadow fall over her heart once again. "Yes, he was. The best I have ever known."
Memories had been flooding over her lately. The first time she had met her brother
aboard the Death Star. How bravely he had come to her rescue, not really knowing what he was doing but going on his instincts in the Force and his desire to do good. Those awful times when they had hopped from system to system barely ahead of the Empire and the times they were not. Bespin, when he had left his Jedi training to come to her and Han's rescue, and in turn she had heard him call to her. The moment he had made the confession of their heritage. She had always
loved him, even as that wet behind the ears farm boy who had so many high ideals that her often jaded grasp on the universe had reeled at the thoughts he had produced. His quiet strength and sorrow when he had returned from facing their father and all the many trials he had been called to endure.
Leia felt the press of tears sting her eyes and she turned briefly from the dark haired
beauty. "Sometimes it is still too hard to believe."
Analsa nodded with her practiced sympathy. "I understand, Jedi Organa Solo."
"You lost family in the Yuuzhan Vong war didn't you?" Leia asked.
"Yes, my parents were killed when I was very young when the Yuuzhan Vong occupied
Bimmissari," the girl answered evenly.
Leia thought that the girl sounded far too like her own nephew, who had lost so much so
quickly. "I'm sorry to hear that."
"I don't even remember them," Analsa offered offhandedly, now showing the pain inside her
without actually knowing it.
Leia just agreed, knowing how the younger woman felt. She had only faint memories of
her mother, and of her father... well, they were the experiences nightmares were made of. Her brother had been her one link to what her father might have been had he not let the Dark Side take him over.
After an awkward moment of silence, Analsa cleared her throat. "If you will excuse me
Jedi Organa Solo, I have an instructional in a few moments."
"Of course, Analsa. It was nice to meet you," Leia said, nodding in agreement.
"As it was you," Analsa said, bowing as was customary of the students now when addressing a Master. Leia was hardly a Master but everyone treated her as such, now more so than before. The girl trotted off passing Luke's memorial solemnly before quickening her pace.
Leia watched after her, wondering who this young woman was that had Anakin in wonder
of her abilities and perhaps even slightly smitten with. Leia was sure that Anakin would
vehemently deny it if she mentioned it, but Leia could not help but want to keep a closer eye on Analsa Vinn.
Walking up to the memorial she kissed her fingers and brought them to Luke's stone
sculpted cheek. "I miss you Luke," she whispered.
There was no response, as she had expected but not as she had hoped. She and Luke had
always been able to reach each other no matter the distance but now the length was too all-encompassing.
Once again donning her resolve to finish packing Luke's things, she hurried to the
Skywalker quarters. She knocked softly, with no response. Ben must already have gone to his classes. Pressing her hand to the reader plate the door slid open and she entered the small quarters that had been just like all the others in the Jedi Order. Many had thought that Luke should have had a better set of rooms, but Luke had strongly disagreed and had finally compromised by adding an office to his small rooms. Luke had never wanted to be more than the Jedi farm boy he was.
Pushing the wooden door open to Luke's bedroom she found that it was occupied by a sleeping Ben Skywalker. Her young nephew's longish hair was disheveled and damp from sleeping, in his compact form he clutched his father's pillow close to him, bringing to mind the young boy who not so long ago had also lost his mother. So often, the youngest Skywalker held himself with such dignity and self-confidence for a sixteen year old that many neglected to notice the soft boyish features that were telling of his youth.
Reposed in sleep he looked more the boy than the near man he was. In a few days he would be seventeen, a few years younger then she and Luke when they had been thrown into the
whirlwind of the Rebellion against the Empire. She wanted so much to let him sleep knowing full well how difficult any sort of rest had been for him, but he would be upset if he missed the three-year-old's class that he taught while they were searching for a replacement for Luke.
Sitting softly onto the bed, she reached out and nudged her sleeping nephew both physically and with the Force. Instantly, Ben's eyes shot open, the blue-green irises roving over the room to finally set on Leia. He groaned. "What time is it?"
"Oh seven hundred, Skywalker," she said in a tone she had once heard in the voice of General Madine.
He rubbed at his eyes in the most endearing fashion but Leia kept in her fond smile, not
wanting to embarrass her nephew in such a vulnerable time as the first moments of
consciousness. Ben did not like to be fondled over.
"Good, I'm not late," he looked around as if confused as to how he had gotten in his father's room. "Thanks for coming to wake me, Aunt Leia, but what brings you here?"
"I thought I'd finish packing your father's things," she answered brushing at a stray lock of ruddy hair that was dangling between his eyebrows.
To her surprise Ben actually leaned into the touch as if needing the close physical contact. But the pressure left so quickly that she began to think she had imagined it. "I see," he whispered.
"Ben, it has to be done," she said sternly but gently.
"I know. I just... miss him. Both of them," the youngest Skywalker said.
Leia smiled at him. "We both do." She gave her brother's room a once-over. "Is there
anything you want me to keep for you?"
Ben shook his head. "I've already taken everything I want and this," he said bunching the pillow he was still clutching into his arms.
"Have you decided whether you're going to stay here or move to a new set of quarters?" Leia asked carefully, knowing that Ben had never had a permanent home and that this small room had been the closest thing to it in a long time.
He shrugged, doing his best nonchalant impression. "I'm not sure. I was hoping to talk Anakin into coming to live here."
This was a surprise to Leia. Anakin hadn't mentioned anything about Ben wanting him to
stay at the Skywalker residence. "Have you discussed this with Anakin?"
"Not yet," Ben admitted.
"Ben give it time, you don't have to decide everything all in one week. Take the time you need to mourn then move on," Leia instructed.
"Time, the ever elusive quality," Ben retorted snidely. "If only I didn't know what time would bring," he said wistful.
Leia shivered at the desolation in Ben. He was too young to sound so jaded and lost. "Get ready for your class," she said, shoving him slightly off the bed.
He smiled at her attempt. Although not nearly as tall as Anakin, Ben was compact and strong, making it incredibly difficult for her to 'push' her nephew around. "Such violence, Aunt Leia," he teased. "Whatever happened to your diplomatic flair?"
She was glad that her little attack had done its job, lightening Ben's mood. The boy would be alright if he gave himself what he needed, but so often the Skywalker men let themselves go beyond their abilities.
Ben danced away from her with the grace of his training and exited into his room to
change and freshen up. Almost immediately she felt his mood return back to its proverbial rain cloud that had followed him since the attack on Bellalt. iOh, Luke, why you? We need you so desperately./i
Ben hurried to his class, munching on the nutrient bar he had grabbed before dashing out of his quarters. He had not wanted to be there when Aunt Leia cleared out the rest of his father's things, it was too much of a finality that Ben could not take. Before, he could almost hope that it had all been a terrible dream and he would wake up one morning and his father would be there with a
hot cup of chocolate in one hand and studying a datapad in the other. Once his father's things were gone then the illusion would be disrupted.
It was one of the reasons he wanted to stay in the assigned Skywalker quarters and ask
Anakin to come live with him. The slight stability his own room afforded him would be
wonderful next to starting again in a new area of the Temple. Still he doubted that anyone would try to push him out and for the first time he was grateful for the respect he was paid due to his lineage.
Reaching his class, he found twelve three-year-olds of varying species waiting patiently, or as patiently as three-year-olds could, in meditative positions. He spotted the dark haired, green eyed, Tadeo, Jaina's son, who not surprisingly was having the most difficult time in displaying his
patience. The little boy bounced and waved when he saw Ben walk in and Ben had to repress his delighted smile at seeing the little boy. He couldn't show favoritism in a teaching situation and he had to let Tad know that. It was one of the lessons he had learned early on in his parents' classes.
Besides, Tad would need his full concentration if he was going to learn the exercise Ben had planned for them today. He had gone before the Council petitioning for allowance to teach the younger students to sense the Yuuzhan Vong in the Force. If the newest students were apt to learn, then it would go to show that the younger ones would be even more open to the new ability. Anakin, who had also taken Luke's nine-year-old class, was doing the same this morning.
"Good morning," he said.
"Good morning, Apprentice Skywalker," the three-year-olds cheered in unison.
Ben had done his best to pour out all of his negative feelings before he came into each
and every one of his classes. He did not want the children affected by him, when they had all felt the disturbance of his father's death. Just because he kept reliving it didn't mean that they had to as well.
Coming to the floor in a crossed-legged position he motioned for them to do the same as well; a twi'lek girl came to one side of him while on the other side was a domed head Bith boy who Ben had heard played as well as Firgin Dan. Tadeo was next to the twi'lek girl and he was doing his best not to chatter to the other kids. Ben sent a burst of reassurance in the Force. He may not be
able to give Tadeo an outward show of favoritism but the little boy was still a part of his family.
Tad shot him a wide grin and then settled down next to the twi'lek girl.
Ben turned to his class. "Today I'm going to teach you how to sense the Yuuzhan Vong
through the Force," he announced, knowing that their attentiveness was only a sometime thing.
Instantly a little girl with tight ringlets and a pixie like face raised her hand. "Yes, Gillie," Ben said, expecting what was to come and not needing his ability as a seer.
"Moma says that you can't feel the Yuuzhan Vong in the Force," the little girl informed
her instructor.
Up until a little while ago, Gillie's mother would have been right. But Anakin's return
had not only brought joy and happiness to his family but the ability to sense the previously vacuumed Yuuzhan Vong in the Force. Anakin had gained the skill while on Myrkr when his body had been shutting down and his essence returning to the Force. However, the part that made up Anakin Solo had returned to his body shortly after and had been sustained inside the living tissues of an ioombassl/i, literally a rebirth for the Jedi Knight. Ben had gained the skill in a less trumped-up way, instead he had gained it after being poisoned by an Yuuzhan Vong amphistaff. To draw out the poison with the Force he had linked with Anakin, in the process gaining his cousin's ability to sense the Yuuzhan Vong with the Force.
It had been proven teachable to those who need not have a life threatening experience to learn the technique, with the first student, besides Anakin and Ben, being Analsa Vinn. Ben had explained to the Council that if he started with the younger students, and Anakin the older, in no time they could have the whole Temple trained. Ben had yet to see anything immediate in the Force that would require such a technique, considering the Yuuzhan Vong had lived amongst the natives of this galaxy for more than fifteen years, save for his dark vision of himself. In a way he was hoping to head off himself if he did become what he feared. A countermeasure to his own approaching evil.
Sighing, he turned to the young girl. "Gillie, your mother was right. For a long while we could not sense the Yuuzhan Vong but now me and Jedi Anakin Solo can." The girl's already round eyes turned into credit chits. "And I hope to be able to teach you and the rest of the class to do so
as well."
Murmurs began to break out amongst the young ones and Ben fervently wished once again for
his father to return. Surely, Luke could have handled all this much better than Ben, Luke's kind patience could soothe the babble of twelve three-year-olds. But Luke wasn't here, and Ben would have to get used to that.
He motioned at the door, where he had met Dorsca Cherrz before coming in. The Force-
sensitive Yuuzhan Vong walked in, the claws of his unbooted feet clicking softly on the tile. While most of the children looked scandalized, Tad was totally captivated. Once the boy had his attention on something it was difficult to divert it.
Ben stood up and smiled at Cherrz, one of the few Yuuzhan Vong warriors who had seemed
like a Jedi to Ben as soon as the two of them had met. Cherrz held himself with a calm
confidence, his demeanor and outlook so much already like a Jedi's that Ben was amazed that no one had noticed it before. He had instantly felt a bond to the older Yuuzhan Vong and Ben had been grateful that he had agreed to come to Ben's class considering, what he was planning on doing to the being.
"This is my friend, Dorsca Cherrz," he introduced his young students to the Vong Jedi.
"Hello Dorsca Cherrz," the three-year-olds crowed.
Cherrz looked to Ben in surprise. "They have grown used to Yuuzhan Vong being in their midst, domain Cherrz," Ben assured him, still using the proper name of his friend, knowing that it was preferred among the Vong species.
"Oh," Cherrz said, nodding his head thoughtfully.
"I thank you again domain Cherrz for your help with this demonstration," Ben said.
Cherrz turned to him. "You said it would be necessary to show the children, I am willing
to assist."
Cherrz had been the only person not to change his demeanor towards Ben since Luke's death, and although Ben did not know if it were purposeful or not, he enjoyed the respite from the sympathetic looks he got from all. "Still, I appreciate it. I suspect you're not quite sure what you got yourself into."
"I trust you Ben Skywalker," Cherrz assured him.
"Good," Ben said, and abruptly lifted his hand, calling on the Force to raise the Yuuzhan Vong from the ground a few centimeters.
To Ben's immense pleasure, Cherrz did not react to Ben's Force manipulations, but looked calmly down at his levitating feet. Ben repressed a grin as he sent the Yuuzhan Vong several centimeters higher into the air and froze him there. "Now I know a lot of you can't lift objects yet, but I need you to concentrate along my path, trace the waves of the Force through me," Ben instructed. "Gillie you first."