Chapter 4: I Can't Keep the Visions Out of my Head.
He was trapped in the vision all over again. Standing upon the Tower of Light, watching as his future self looked maniacally upon his Yuuzhan Vong warriors. Just as before, Ben tried to deny this future, to stop what was to come. This future wasn't in his heart, he did not wish for domination, only to be unnoticed. He had not wanted to be remembered neither in infamy nor in honor, he only wished to do the good that his parents had taught him to seek.
The breeze picked up, and Ben ran across the tower rooftop and away from the darkness that he would become. With a leap, he was over the rooftop and plunging down towards the Yuuzhan Vong, hopefully they would tear him apart as soon as he touched the ground or the impact would snap his spine and kill him just as effectively. Perhaps death was the only way out of this future, the one way to change what was to come. Then he could be amongst his parents, be secure and safe in their embrace.
But just as his body would have impacted with the soft marshy earth of Coruscant, Ben woke with a jerk, robbing him of the opportunity he could only seek in sleep and never could consider in consciousness.
But there had to be another way, he would create another way. Quickly, he leaped from his sleep couch, his blankets tripping him after being entangled around him during his vision. Using the Force, he flung the blankets away from him and trudged into the small chest he used to house the few things he cherished as well as his travel equipment. Tossing the top upward, he reached in and grabbed his satchel. Stuffing his father's Jedi robe into it and some extra tunics, Ben cinched the string closed.
It was only a matter of moments before he was out of his sleep clothes and in a pair of pale tunics and pants. Buckling his utility belt over the folds of his tunic to keep it together, he reached out to the Force and pulled his lightsaber to him. The pillow, the one he had taken from his father's room, was nicely placed inside his trunk.
Looking around his room one last time, he dashed outside and through his father's room, and tripped face-forward right into the stationary Artoo Detoo. "Blast it to Coruscant's seven moons," Ben cursed under his breath as he grabbed his now very painful ankle. He had forgotten that Artoo was stationed there, and had just returned from a maintenance rehaul.
The little droid bleeped at him in stern indignation, not incredibly happy that he had been interrupted in his power-up cycle. Ben was thankful that Threepio had been given to Anakin and was now staying in his room, it would be easier to convince Artoo of his plan and much quieter. Threepio would point out that it was hardly diplomatic for Ben to be leaving in the middle of the night, that it would severely disrupt the workings of the Jedi Temple if they all had to search for him.
"Shh, Artoo," Ben hissed at the protocol droid that was practically like a member of the family, like Uncle Han and Aunt Leia. "I need to get out of here. Get down to father's X-Wing, and I'll be there in a moment. I've got to leave a note for Aunt Leia."
Artoo moaned mournfully at the mention of his deceased owner and Ben could readily understand his feelings, but it wasn't long before Artoo was emitting a string of questions that were hard for Ben to follow. Having grown up with the constant presence of astromech droids he could understand the bleeps and tweets as well as any protocol droid, and although he had often wondered in the past whether he could speak to the droids in the same manner, he had never tried it.
"No, I'm not going to argue this with you. We're going to take a little sabbatical," Ben explained. He didn't have to tell Artoo that he was planning on never returning, and was offering his resignation from the Jedi Order in the holomessage to Aunt Leia.
With much complaining on Artoo's part and begging for silence on Ben's, the young seer finally convinced the cylindrical droid to head down to the docking bay and do what preparations he could do without actually being placed inside the droid housing just behind the X-Wing's cockpit. Which was incredible, considering the high counter-part level that Artoo and his father's X-Wing ran at. Sometimes Ben thought all Artoo had to do was twitter and the X-Wing would respond.
As soon as Artoo rolled out, Ben slouched into the chair that was just before the comm unit console, thanking the Force silently. This was going to be difficult, but perhaps to be the 'Chosen One' meant that he must choose a different life than that of a Jedi. Especially if his visions of darkness continued to thrive in his dreams.
Outlining a message to Aunt Leia, he keyed it in, then pressed it forward. With any luck, no one would notice he was gone until the next morning, when he'd be far away from Coruscant.
Satchel bunched under one arm, Ben did his best to close up the Skywalker quarters before inching out of the door with obvious reluctance. It had been home only because his father had been there, as had all the many places the Skywalkers had relocated to, but he would never have a home again. With a sigh, Ben placed his hand on the doorplate and set it for lock.
His steps were quick and fluid, the heels of his boots not making a sound on the Temple stone, and he was halfway to the docking bay when he ran into trouble. "Jacen," Ben exclaimed upon nearly running into his cousin. This was just his luck, it would have to be one of his family he would run into. "What are you doing up this time of night?" he asked, hoping to stave off any questions as to why he was prowling the Temple corridors in the wee hours of the night.
His bearded cousin bounced a jar of pickled ginroot in his hand. "Tahiri is having one of her obscenely late cravings." Jacen's brandy brown eyes focused on Ben's satchel. "What are you doing out this late?"
"Aunt Leia missed some things when she cleaned out Father's room, I thought I would finish the job," Ben lied, and knew instantly that he was caught. He was a terrible liar, mainly because whenever he did the guilt caused his eyes to shift to a deeper hue of grey.
"May I?" Jacen asked, pointing at Ben's satchel.
Ironically, it was Anakin who came to his rescue temporarily. "I'd appreciate it if you left my apprentice to me, Jacen,"
What is this, a family reunion in the hallway? Ben thought despairingly. He had hoped to go unnoticed, and here were two members of his family before he even left the Temple grounds.
"He may be your apprentice, Anakin, but that doesn't stop him from being my cousin and therefore my concern," Jacen countered smoothly.
For a long while the two brothers eyed each other, and Ben fleetingly wondered if Jacen knew of the kiss Anakin had given Tahiri. Force knew that the two brothers were not likely to form a mutual admiration society any time soon, and Ben didn't really enjoy looking at the antagonism between the two. He had hoped to be able to help smooth the bumps and ditches that had been created and left in the Yuuzhan Vong war, but he had bigger problems to deal with. Mainly, stopping his vision from coming to fruition.
His heart sank into his stomach at the cutting way Anakin addressed his brother. "He's my cousin as well as my apprentice, and I have complete authority over him."
"He is still in this conversation," Ben interrupted.
He was instantly ignored by the two warring brothers. It was a contest of wills, each hurting in their own way, each wanting to reach out to the other and close the rift between them, each too blasted stubborn to do so. Ben looked down the corridor towards the docking bay, where his destiny was calling him. They wouldn't notice if he left, they were too caught up in proving which brother was right. How easy it would be to just leave them to their petty bickering. However, Ben could not.
"Would you two give it a rest?" Ben suddenly exploded into the conversation. Anakin and Jacen froze in surprise. Ben pointed an accusatory finger at Jacen. "Do you want to wait until Anakin is really dead, evaporated into the Force, and vanished from you forever, to mend this stupid argument?" Ben asked pointedly, but he didn't give Jacen time to answer. He flung his finger in Anakin's direction. "And do you want all your memories of your brother to be the extent of this argument? Cause one day one of you will be very gone, and you will wish that you could have said the things in your heart instead of the hateful words that came from your head."
Stunned beyond speech, the two brothers were motionless for a long moment, and Ben took the advantage of their momentary paralysis to make his retreat. He had given up all hopes of stealth, and just ran with all his might toward the docking bay, holding at bay the tears that threatened to come from his grey-shot eyes.
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Jacen glanced sheepishly at Anakin, but the younger brother ignored the attempt at reconciliation, he was too caught up in stopping Ben from leaving the Temple. Artoo had contacted See-Threepio, and had relayed that Ben was planning on escaping the Temple in the middle of the night. It hadn't taken long for Anakin to guess why his cousin would be sneaking out without telling anyone of his whereabouts. It was a good thing that Artoo's programming had been modified to look out for Ben's safety and not to obey the boy at all costs.
"Listen, Anakin," Jacen started but Anakin cut him off.
"I don't have time for this right now," he said in a snap. His worry for Ben preempting his hopes of ever reconciling with Jacen. He gave his brother a hard look. "Stay out of this."
Jacen looked as though he was going to form a very convincing argument that would eventually stall Anakin from chasing after their retreating cousin, but even as his mustached mouth began to open it closed back up again. "Go after him," Jacen said, with a wave of his hand.
Anakin caught up with Ben just outside of the docking bay. He caught Ben's shoulder and was instantly thrown off. "I have to go, Anakin."
"Ben, what's happened? I don't understand this," Anakin attempted to get his cousin calm by talking to him. Han had always said the best way to deal with people was to talk their ear off, something that had always been difficult for Anakin.
Ben stopped once again and turned to face him. It was the first time that Anakin noticed the gauntness in Ben's features, the evidence of little sustenance and even less sleep, causing his cheeks to sink in just enough to bring the bones out in sharp points. The dark rings that had been noticed early on were darker, and made Ben look like a phantom of himself.
"Dreams, Anakin, always dreams. I can't shake them," Ben said, and there was more than fear in his young voice, there was desolation, as if he was trapped in a cage with no way to escape. The younger Jedi spun on his heel and began his retreat once again.
"Ben Skywalker, stop this instant," Anakin said, now desperate to keep his younger cousin in the Temple where he could find the mental harmony he needed. Of course, Anakin was no different in his instability.
"You're not my father," Ben shot back, his retreat halting several paces away from his cousin, his shoulders hunching as if always in defeat.
Anakin froze too, not wanting to cause Ben to feel any more trapped then he did. "You're right, I'm not your father, but he did entrust you into my care, Ben."
"My father was a coward," Ben said harshly. "He couldn't bear to let me die, so he let the darkness continue."
Anakin's hand flew of its own accord, striking Ben's cheek with such forcefulness that his imprint remained on the boy's thin cheek. There were a lot of things Anakin could take, but such hateful words coming from Luke's own son was not one of them.
"Never talk about your father like that," Anakin hissed.
Ben's eyes were as wide as a Mon Cal's. "He left me to face my destiny alone."
"But you can't run from your destiny, Ben. You are the 'Chosen One'," Anakin tried one last time.
A deep scowl creased the skin between Ben's ruddy brown eyebrows. "I don't want to be the 'Chosen One'. Our Grandfather was the 'Chosen One', and he fell. I'm bound by that fate, Anakin." A ragged breath escaped the young seer. "Don't you understand I'm doing this to protect you and the Order? What I will become is devastating. I refuse to tread that path."
"And if you leave and the dreams persist, Ben?" Anakin questioned, suddenly frightened by what lengths Ben would go to stop his dreams. Would the young Jedi take his life?
The boy swallowed hard. "I will do whatever is necessary to protect the Order and what remains of my family. Even if that means protecting them from myself."
Anakin started forward again. "Ben, don't do this," he pleaded.
"I'm sorry, Anakin, but I have no choice," the boy muttered.
Abruptly, Ben's arm shot out and Anakin was flown through the air against the corridor wall. Anakin reached out to the Force and tried to peel away the invisible vice-like fingers of Ben's Force grip, but try as he might he could not prevail. He had only caught a flicker of the power Ben could hold and he was reminded of the attack he had made on Ben before he had known who his cousin was. How easily Ben had thrown off the energy above Coruscant's atmosphere.
"This isn't the solution," Anakin cried to Ben.
"It's the only one I have left," Ben countered and pushed his hand to the doorplate. Anakin caught Artoo trundling around an old style X-Wing twittering impatiently as the door rose open. "Goodbye, Anakin. I will always remember you." And a vision of Ben and Anakin standing next to one another entered the older Jedi's mind, as if Ben wanted to leave an imprint to remember him by. It was more than Anakin's heart could take, Ben saying his last goodbyes as if the Force was already calling to him.
The door hissed closed, and a moment later, a blue hued blade cut through the circuitry of the docking bay door plate. Jacen came running into the corridor, his brandy brown eyes widening in surprise as he spotted Anakin hanging literally in the air, just as the engines of an X-Wing roared to life.
"Stop him," Anakin called down to his brother, now thankful for Jacen's interfering presence.
With an effort, Jacen tore his gaze from his floating brother and jogged over to the door. Helplessly he looked at the mesh of melted wire and turned back to Anakin "I'm not sure I'll be able to rig this," he explained.
Anakin sighed, he should have known better. Jacen's ability in the Force had never given him much of an edge in the mechanical aspect as it did with Anakin and Jaina; his older brother was better with the many different living beings that could inhabit a planet, from the tiniest of stinging gnats to the largest of Rancors.
"Do your best," Anakin urged him on.
With a stiff nod, Jacen settled on the doorplate. Hoping that Ben was too distracted to keep a strong grip on him, Anakin once again attempted to peel Ben's mental fingers from him like an unyielding glove. Whether because he was more prepared for the strength of Ben's connection to the Force, or because Ben was busy with other things, Anakin succeeded this time.
He fell to the floor, using the Force to cushion the blow to his feet from the stone Temple floor and he turned the fall into a roll, coming up on his feet instantly. He joined Jacen at the docking bay door, and peered into the mesh of charred wiring. Ben was good, he had managed to melt all the necessary wiring Anakin would have needed to open the door the conventional way. However, Anakin wasn't in the mood for conventional. Reaching at his belt, he pulled his lightsaber and thumbed it on, violet light slinked out from the pommel and Anakin dug the concentrated energy blade into the metal doors.
It wasn't long before Anakin heard the pitch of another lightsaber, and a green light came to merge with Anakin's violet one. Together he and Jacen cut a whole through the door, kicking the now useless metal aside, and leaping through the gap. However, they didn't go any further then that. They saw Ben's X-wing rising up into the dark sky's of Coruscant, the top of Artoo's silver and blue head twirling around as he called to them.
Jacen was instantly on his comlink. "Temple space control, this is Jedi Master Jacen Solo, there is a lone XJ type X-Wing making way to the atmosphere, I want a designation of its trajectory."
"Yes, sir. Do you want a squad to follow it?" the traffic controller asked. Jacen turned to Anakin questioningly.
It was a good question. They could follow Ben and just report on the boy's location, but if Ben were to discover their presence, and it was very likely he would, the boy would feel more like that trapped patra cat. Anakin shook his head. "He's scared, Jacen. He's seen some pretty terrible stuff lately and it's not just the death of his parents." If anything could be any more terrible than that. "I'll find him with the trajectory."
To Anakin's surprise, Jacen just nodded, and turned back to relay the orders to the traffic controller. Jacen and the air controller were just mumbles in Anakin's ear. He had failed to keep Ben safe. He had an overwhelming feeling that if he didn't find Ben soon, the boy's life could be forfeit.
"We're going to have to talk to the Council," Jacen interrupted his thoughts.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. I suppose we will," Anakin said, absently rubbing his head where Ben's Force-push had knocked it into the wall.
Jacen scrutinized him. "Are you alright?"
"I didn't know he could do that," Anakin whispered.
"It's amazing you were even able to undo his web, Anakin. Ben's power can't be charted, he holds back on it most of the time, because it is dangerous, but he's not afraid to use it if need be," Jacen explained. The bearded Jedi shook his head. "I don't know how the Council will react to this."
"Why?" Anakin blinked.
Jacen shrugged. "It's always struck me that the Council did not trust Ben fully outside of Luke's instruction. You've heard about all the trips he's taken?" Anakin nodded. "Look at it from their point of view, some of them are old enough to remember the devastation our grandfather wrecked as Darth Vader. Uncle Luke they had no problem with, he started the Order, basically taught them the light of the Force, but Ben... Ben could be a danger in his recklessness."
"Can't we just explain to them that he's leaving because he thinks he is protecting them and the Order?" Anakin argued, never thinking that Ben could possibly be a threat. Visions or no visions, Anakin was not about to believe that the kind heart he had so easily connected with in his cousin could ever become what Ben had foreseen.
"We'd have to reveal the fact that Ben is a seer, Anakin. Uncle Luke did not want that," Jacen countered.
Anakin couldn't argue with his brother. Luke had not wanted his son exploited and studied until Ben could actually control his visions and until they learned more about them. Anakin had been trying to pick up where Luke had left off, but Ben had been lax in his efforts, lost in the perceived haplessness of his life.
Dreams, Anakin, always dreams. I can't shake them. How often had the Force plagued Ben with the imminence of his darkness?
"Why would the Force make him see such things, Jacen?" Anakin asked, thankful temporarily for the presence of his older brother.
"The Force does not always make its will known. Perhaps Ben will be able to decipher what the Force wants with him," Jacen answered.
Anakin nodded. "Why do I have a bad feeling about this?"
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Ben felt terrible about holding Anakin against his will, but he knew that if he had let his cousin go, Anakin would have stopped him from leaving and then Ben would destroy the Order as he would destroy himself. A shudder racked his thinning frame. He hoped with leaving the Order he would no longer be plagued by visions of darkness.
His cheek where Anakin had struck him stung, but Ben was not angry at his cousin. He had spoken wrongly of his father, the words spilling from a deep desire to have Luke back and an anger at the man for leaving him in the first place. Artoo twittered behind him, admitting that he had been the one to inform Anakin of his vacating the Temple.
Traitorous droid, Ben thought in a lame attempt at humor. "It's alright, Artoo, I probably would have done the same if the roles had been switched."
The droid emitted a series of beeps and clicks which Ben easily interpreted without the need of his father's X-wing. He didn't answer the droid right away. He didn't actually know where he could go. The whole galaxy was at his disposal, and yet Ben was crippled with indecision.
Anakin would be on his tail, possibly Jacen and Jaina with him; where would be the first place they would look for him? Flipping several switches on his console, he accessed his star charts, visuals of star constellations zooming in view. Opening himself to the Force, Ben kept a tight grip on his control, and let the energy field's guidance pick the correct system he should go to.
Opening eyes he hadn't realized he had closed, a smile flittered upon his face and realized how perfect the planet was. He could easily hide out there without anyone the wiser, and Naboo was on the way so he could keep his promise to the Gungans and make a visit at the same time.
"Set course for Naboo, Artoo," Ben said, feeling somewhat lighter than before.
The droid trumpeted at the final response. "You know the planet?" Artoo tooted that he did. "How?" The droid's response this time was much more confused. Artoo answered that he didn't know how, his binary brain just told him he did. To Ben's knowledge Luke hadn't brought Artoo to Naboo when he had gone to retrieve his son, and he couldn't remember Luke ever mentioning being there before, although he too had felt connected to the planet. Perhaps there was something of a mystery to solve on Naboo.
Leaning back into the pilot's seat, Ben ran a gloved hand over the armrest. The leather was worn and would have been cracked if Luke hadn't taken such meticulous care of his fighter. On the overhead dash was Luke's black glove that he sometimes wore when he was feeling his prosthetic hand or in memory of the day he had lost it.
Ben's heart strained with missing his father, but it was also bittersweet. He could remember as a child helping his father maintain the X-wing, watching his father as he explained how to keep the intake valves clean, and checking coolant and other necessary fluids. The time Luke and Mara had taken for making up the tie they had missed when he had been little. Their understanding when he did not quickly take to his parents.
The emptiness was a constant ache inside of him. He missed his father's gentle but stern nature, his mother's quick wit and willingness to show him the wonders of the galaxy. He had quickly become enamored with his parents, the way they had tried to make up for their absence during the Yuuzhan Vong war, and the whirlwind his first few weeks with his parents steadily there were.
He ran a hand through his hair, ruddy brown hair that fell just below his collar. He couldn't keep thinking about the past, it hurt to much and reminded him of what he was missing now. Many times he reminded himself that 'There was no death. Only the Force.' But the Force continually made him revisit his failures, and experience those that were to come. To many the Force was a gift; to Ben Skywalker it was a curse and a responsibility.
Taught by his parents and many other Jedi Masters, Ben took his responsibility seriously. He would not have left the Order if he had felt that there were any way he would not become what he had foreseen. So many times he had hoped to change what was to come, to alter what the Force showed him, and every time he had failed.
Then there was the 'Chosen One' prophecy to bring balance. There was a question whether Ben was really the 'Chosen One' in his mind, if not in the rest of the Order. He couldn't help but think that Anakin was the real one to bring balance, having been saved from death. Ben was the one who would bring the imbalance.
Stop it, he admonished himself. You will stop the darkness before it comes. Perhaps to bring balance means that you must join Dad and Mom.
It was one of the biggest taboos in the Jedi Order. Such a self-sacrifice could be construed as suicide, and that was against the will of the Force. If Ben had to sacrifice his life to keep himself from destroying the galaxy, would that be akin to suicide? He didn't know, but he would stop it from happening, no matter what the cost.
"I stand alone, I fall alone."
He was trapped in the vision all over again. Standing upon the Tower of Light, watching as his future self looked maniacally upon his Yuuzhan Vong warriors. Just as before, Ben tried to deny this future, to stop what was to come. This future wasn't in his heart, he did not wish for domination, only to be unnoticed. He had not wanted to be remembered neither in infamy nor in honor, he only wished to do the good that his parents had taught him to seek.
The breeze picked up, and Ben ran across the tower rooftop and away from the darkness that he would become. With a leap, he was over the rooftop and plunging down towards the Yuuzhan Vong, hopefully they would tear him apart as soon as he touched the ground or the impact would snap his spine and kill him just as effectively. Perhaps death was the only way out of this future, the one way to change what was to come. Then he could be amongst his parents, be secure and safe in their embrace.
But just as his body would have impacted with the soft marshy earth of Coruscant, Ben woke with a jerk, robbing him of the opportunity he could only seek in sleep and never could consider in consciousness.
But there had to be another way, he would create another way. Quickly, he leaped from his sleep couch, his blankets tripping him after being entangled around him during his vision. Using the Force, he flung the blankets away from him and trudged into the small chest he used to house the few things he cherished as well as his travel equipment. Tossing the top upward, he reached in and grabbed his satchel. Stuffing his father's Jedi robe into it and some extra tunics, Ben cinched the string closed.
It was only a matter of moments before he was out of his sleep clothes and in a pair of pale tunics and pants. Buckling his utility belt over the folds of his tunic to keep it together, he reached out to the Force and pulled his lightsaber to him. The pillow, the one he had taken from his father's room, was nicely placed inside his trunk.
Looking around his room one last time, he dashed outside and through his father's room, and tripped face-forward right into the stationary Artoo Detoo. "Blast it to Coruscant's seven moons," Ben cursed under his breath as he grabbed his now very painful ankle. He had forgotten that Artoo was stationed there, and had just returned from a maintenance rehaul.
The little droid bleeped at him in stern indignation, not incredibly happy that he had been interrupted in his power-up cycle. Ben was thankful that Threepio had been given to Anakin and was now staying in his room, it would be easier to convince Artoo of his plan and much quieter. Threepio would point out that it was hardly diplomatic for Ben to be leaving in the middle of the night, that it would severely disrupt the workings of the Jedi Temple if they all had to search for him.
"Shh, Artoo," Ben hissed at the protocol droid that was practically like a member of the family, like Uncle Han and Aunt Leia. "I need to get out of here. Get down to father's X-Wing, and I'll be there in a moment. I've got to leave a note for Aunt Leia."
Artoo moaned mournfully at the mention of his deceased owner and Ben could readily understand his feelings, but it wasn't long before Artoo was emitting a string of questions that were hard for Ben to follow. Having grown up with the constant presence of astromech droids he could understand the bleeps and tweets as well as any protocol droid, and although he had often wondered in the past whether he could speak to the droids in the same manner, he had never tried it.
"No, I'm not going to argue this with you. We're going to take a little sabbatical," Ben explained. He didn't have to tell Artoo that he was planning on never returning, and was offering his resignation from the Jedi Order in the holomessage to Aunt Leia.
With much complaining on Artoo's part and begging for silence on Ben's, the young seer finally convinced the cylindrical droid to head down to the docking bay and do what preparations he could do without actually being placed inside the droid housing just behind the X-Wing's cockpit. Which was incredible, considering the high counter-part level that Artoo and his father's X-Wing ran at. Sometimes Ben thought all Artoo had to do was twitter and the X-Wing would respond.
As soon as Artoo rolled out, Ben slouched into the chair that was just before the comm unit console, thanking the Force silently. This was going to be difficult, but perhaps to be the 'Chosen One' meant that he must choose a different life than that of a Jedi. Especially if his visions of darkness continued to thrive in his dreams.
Outlining a message to Aunt Leia, he keyed it in, then pressed it forward. With any luck, no one would notice he was gone until the next morning, when he'd be far away from Coruscant.
Satchel bunched under one arm, Ben did his best to close up the Skywalker quarters before inching out of the door with obvious reluctance. It had been home only because his father had been there, as had all the many places the Skywalkers had relocated to, but he would never have a home again. With a sigh, Ben placed his hand on the doorplate and set it for lock.
His steps were quick and fluid, the heels of his boots not making a sound on the Temple stone, and he was halfway to the docking bay when he ran into trouble. "Jacen," Ben exclaimed upon nearly running into his cousin. This was just his luck, it would have to be one of his family he would run into. "What are you doing up this time of night?" he asked, hoping to stave off any questions as to why he was prowling the Temple corridors in the wee hours of the night.
His bearded cousin bounced a jar of pickled ginroot in his hand. "Tahiri is having one of her obscenely late cravings." Jacen's brandy brown eyes focused on Ben's satchel. "What are you doing out this late?"
"Aunt Leia missed some things when she cleaned out Father's room, I thought I would finish the job," Ben lied, and knew instantly that he was caught. He was a terrible liar, mainly because whenever he did the guilt caused his eyes to shift to a deeper hue of grey.
"May I?" Jacen asked, pointing at Ben's satchel.
Ironically, it was Anakin who came to his rescue temporarily. "I'd appreciate it if you left my apprentice to me, Jacen,"
What is this, a family reunion in the hallway? Ben thought despairingly. He had hoped to go unnoticed, and here were two members of his family before he even left the Temple grounds.
"He may be your apprentice, Anakin, but that doesn't stop him from being my cousin and therefore my concern," Jacen countered smoothly.
For a long while the two brothers eyed each other, and Ben fleetingly wondered if Jacen knew of the kiss Anakin had given Tahiri. Force knew that the two brothers were not likely to form a mutual admiration society any time soon, and Ben didn't really enjoy looking at the antagonism between the two. He had hoped to be able to help smooth the bumps and ditches that had been created and left in the Yuuzhan Vong war, but he had bigger problems to deal with. Mainly, stopping his vision from coming to fruition.
His heart sank into his stomach at the cutting way Anakin addressed his brother. "He's my cousin as well as my apprentice, and I have complete authority over him."
"He is still in this conversation," Ben interrupted.
He was instantly ignored by the two warring brothers. It was a contest of wills, each hurting in their own way, each wanting to reach out to the other and close the rift between them, each too blasted stubborn to do so. Ben looked down the corridor towards the docking bay, where his destiny was calling him. They wouldn't notice if he left, they were too caught up in proving which brother was right. How easy it would be to just leave them to their petty bickering. However, Ben could not.
"Would you two give it a rest?" Ben suddenly exploded into the conversation. Anakin and Jacen froze in surprise. Ben pointed an accusatory finger at Jacen. "Do you want to wait until Anakin is really dead, evaporated into the Force, and vanished from you forever, to mend this stupid argument?" Ben asked pointedly, but he didn't give Jacen time to answer. He flung his finger in Anakin's direction. "And do you want all your memories of your brother to be the extent of this argument? Cause one day one of you will be very gone, and you will wish that you could have said the things in your heart instead of the hateful words that came from your head."
Stunned beyond speech, the two brothers were motionless for a long moment, and Ben took the advantage of their momentary paralysis to make his retreat. He had given up all hopes of stealth, and just ran with all his might toward the docking bay, holding at bay the tears that threatened to come from his grey-shot eyes.
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Jacen glanced sheepishly at Anakin, but the younger brother ignored the attempt at reconciliation, he was too caught up in stopping Ben from leaving the Temple. Artoo had contacted See-Threepio, and had relayed that Ben was planning on escaping the Temple in the middle of the night. It hadn't taken long for Anakin to guess why his cousin would be sneaking out without telling anyone of his whereabouts. It was a good thing that Artoo's programming had been modified to look out for Ben's safety and not to obey the boy at all costs.
"Listen, Anakin," Jacen started but Anakin cut him off.
"I don't have time for this right now," he said in a snap. His worry for Ben preempting his hopes of ever reconciling with Jacen. He gave his brother a hard look. "Stay out of this."
Jacen looked as though he was going to form a very convincing argument that would eventually stall Anakin from chasing after their retreating cousin, but even as his mustached mouth began to open it closed back up again. "Go after him," Jacen said, with a wave of his hand.
Anakin caught up with Ben just outside of the docking bay. He caught Ben's shoulder and was instantly thrown off. "I have to go, Anakin."
"Ben, what's happened? I don't understand this," Anakin attempted to get his cousin calm by talking to him. Han had always said the best way to deal with people was to talk their ear off, something that had always been difficult for Anakin.
Ben stopped once again and turned to face him. It was the first time that Anakin noticed the gauntness in Ben's features, the evidence of little sustenance and even less sleep, causing his cheeks to sink in just enough to bring the bones out in sharp points. The dark rings that had been noticed early on were darker, and made Ben look like a phantom of himself.
"Dreams, Anakin, always dreams. I can't shake them," Ben said, and there was more than fear in his young voice, there was desolation, as if he was trapped in a cage with no way to escape. The younger Jedi spun on his heel and began his retreat once again.
"Ben Skywalker, stop this instant," Anakin said, now desperate to keep his younger cousin in the Temple where he could find the mental harmony he needed. Of course, Anakin was no different in his instability.
"You're not my father," Ben shot back, his retreat halting several paces away from his cousin, his shoulders hunching as if always in defeat.
Anakin froze too, not wanting to cause Ben to feel any more trapped then he did. "You're right, I'm not your father, but he did entrust you into my care, Ben."
"My father was a coward," Ben said harshly. "He couldn't bear to let me die, so he let the darkness continue."
Anakin's hand flew of its own accord, striking Ben's cheek with such forcefulness that his imprint remained on the boy's thin cheek. There were a lot of things Anakin could take, but such hateful words coming from Luke's own son was not one of them.
"Never talk about your father like that," Anakin hissed.
Ben's eyes were as wide as a Mon Cal's. "He left me to face my destiny alone."
"But you can't run from your destiny, Ben. You are the 'Chosen One'," Anakin tried one last time.
A deep scowl creased the skin between Ben's ruddy brown eyebrows. "I don't want to be the 'Chosen One'. Our Grandfather was the 'Chosen One', and he fell. I'm bound by that fate, Anakin." A ragged breath escaped the young seer. "Don't you understand I'm doing this to protect you and the Order? What I will become is devastating. I refuse to tread that path."
"And if you leave and the dreams persist, Ben?" Anakin questioned, suddenly frightened by what lengths Ben would go to stop his dreams. Would the young Jedi take his life?
The boy swallowed hard. "I will do whatever is necessary to protect the Order and what remains of my family. Even if that means protecting them from myself."
Anakin started forward again. "Ben, don't do this," he pleaded.
"I'm sorry, Anakin, but I have no choice," the boy muttered.
Abruptly, Ben's arm shot out and Anakin was flown through the air against the corridor wall. Anakin reached out to the Force and tried to peel away the invisible vice-like fingers of Ben's Force grip, but try as he might he could not prevail. He had only caught a flicker of the power Ben could hold and he was reminded of the attack he had made on Ben before he had known who his cousin was. How easily Ben had thrown off the energy above Coruscant's atmosphere.
"This isn't the solution," Anakin cried to Ben.
"It's the only one I have left," Ben countered and pushed his hand to the doorplate. Anakin caught Artoo trundling around an old style X-Wing twittering impatiently as the door rose open. "Goodbye, Anakin. I will always remember you." And a vision of Ben and Anakin standing next to one another entered the older Jedi's mind, as if Ben wanted to leave an imprint to remember him by. It was more than Anakin's heart could take, Ben saying his last goodbyes as if the Force was already calling to him.
The door hissed closed, and a moment later, a blue hued blade cut through the circuitry of the docking bay door plate. Jacen came running into the corridor, his brandy brown eyes widening in surprise as he spotted Anakin hanging literally in the air, just as the engines of an X-Wing roared to life.
"Stop him," Anakin called down to his brother, now thankful for Jacen's interfering presence.
With an effort, Jacen tore his gaze from his floating brother and jogged over to the door. Helplessly he looked at the mesh of melted wire and turned back to Anakin "I'm not sure I'll be able to rig this," he explained.
Anakin sighed, he should have known better. Jacen's ability in the Force had never given him much of an edge in the mechanical aspect as it did with Anakin and Jaina; his older brother was better with the many different living beings that could inhabit a planet, from the tiniest of stinging gnats to the largest of Rancors.
"Do your best," Anakin urged him on.
With a stiff nod, Jacen settled on the doorplate. Hoping that Ben was too distracted to keep a strong grip on him, Anakin once again attempted to peel Ben's mental fingers from him like an unyielding glove. Whether because he was more prepared for the strength of Ben's connection to the Force, or because Ben was busy with other things, Anakin succeeded this time.
He fell to the floor, using the Force to cushion the blow to his feet from the stone Temple floor and he turned the fall into a roll, coming up on his feet instantly. He joined Jacen at the docking bay door, and peered into the mesh of charred wiring. Ben was good, he had managed to melt all the necessary wiring Anakin would have needed to open the door the conventional way. However, Anakin wasn't in the mood for conventional. Reaching at his belt, he pulled his lightsaber and thumbed it on, violet light slinked out from the pommel and Anakin dug the concentrated energy blade into the metal doors.
It wasn't long before Anakin heard the pitch of another lightsaber, and a green light came to merge with Anakin's violet one. Together he and Jacen cut a whole through the door, kicking the now useless metal aside, and leaping through the gap. However, they didn't go any further then that. They saw Ben's X-wing rising up into the dark sky's of Coruscant, the top of Artoo's silver and blue head twirling around as he called to them.
Jacen was instantly on his comlink. "Temple space control, this is Jedi Master Jacen Solo, there is a lone XJ type X-Wing making way to the atmosphere, I want a designation of its trajectory."
"Yes, sir. Do you want a squad to follow it?" the traffic controller asked. Jacen turned to Anakin questioningly.
It was a good question. They could follow Ben and just report on the boy's location, but if Ben were to discover their presence, and it was very likely he would, the boy would feel more like that trapped patra cat. Anakin shook his head. "He's scared, Jacen. He's seen some pretty terrible stuff lately and it's not just the death of his parents." If anything could be any more terrible than that. "I'll find him with the trajectory."
To Anakin's surprise, Jacen just nodded, and turned back to relay the orders to the traffic controller. Jacen and the air controller were just mumbles in Anakin's ear. He had failed to keep Ben safe. He had an overwhelming feeling that if he didn't find Ben soon, the boy's life could be forfeit.
"We're going to have to talk to the Council," Jacen interrupted his thoughts.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. I suppose we will," Anakin said, absently rubbing his head where Ben's Force-push had knocked it into the wall.
Jacen scrutinized him. "Are you alright?"
"I didn't know he could do that," Anakin whispered.
"It's amazing you were even able to undo his web, Anakin. Ben's power can't be charted, he holds back on it most of the time, because it is dangerous, but he's not afraid to use it if need be," Jacen explained. The bearded Jedi shook his head. "I don't know how the Council will react to this."
"Why?" Anakin blinked.
Jacen shrugged. "It's always struck me that the Council did not trust Ben fully outside of Luke's instruction. You've heard about all the trips he's taken?" Anakin nodded. "Look at it from their point of view, some of them are old enough to remember the devastation our grandfather wrecked as Darth Vader. Uncle Luke they had no problem with, he started the Order, basically taught them the light of the Force, but Ben... Ben could be a danger in his recklessness."
"Can't we just explain to them that he's leaving because he thinks he is protecting them and the Order?" Anakin argued, never thinking that Ben could possibly be a threat. Visions or no visions, Anakin was not about to believe that the kind heart he had so easily connected with in his cousin could ever become what Ben had foreseen.
"We'd have to reveal the fact that Ben is a seer, Anakin. Uncle Luke did not want that," Jacen countered.
Anakin couldn't argue with his brother. Luke had not wanted his son exploited and studied until Ben could actually control his visions and until they learned more about them. Anakin had been trying to pick up where Luke had left off, but Ben had been lax in his efforts, lost in the perceived haplessness of his life.
Dreams, Anakin, always dreams. I can't shake them. How often had the Force plagued Ben with the imminence of his darkness?
"Why would the Force make him see such things, Jacen?" Anakin asked, thankful temporarily for the presence of his older brother.
"The Force does not always make its will known. Perhaps Ben will be able to decipher what the Force wants with him," Jacen answered.
Anakin nodded. "Why do I have a bad feeling about this?"
[/hr]
Ben felt terrible about holding Anakin against his will, but he knew that if he had let his cousin go, Anakin would have stopped him from leaving and then Ben would destroy the Order as he would destroy himself. A shudder racked his thinning frame. He hoped with leaving the Order he would no longer be plagued by visions of darkness.
His cheek where Anakin had struck him stung, but Ben was not angry at his cousin. He had spoken wrongly of his father, the words spilling from a deep desire to have Luke back and an anger at the man for leaving him in the first place. Artoo twittered behind him, admitting that he had been the one to inform Anakin of his vacating the Temple.
Traitorous droid, Ben thought in a lame attempt at humor. "It's alright, Artoo, I probably would have done the same if the roles had been switched."
The droid emitted a series of beeps and clicks which Ben easily interpreted without the need of his father's X-wing. He didn't answer the droid right away. He didn't actually know where he could go. The whole galaxy was at his disposal, and yet Ben was crippled with indecision.
Anakin would be on his tail, possibly Jacen and Jaina with him; where would be the first place they would look for him? Flipping several switches on his console, he accessed his star charts, visuals of star constellations zooming in view. Opening himself to the Force, Ben kept a tight grip on his control, and let the energy field's guidance pick the correct system he should go to.
Opening eyes he hadn't realized he had closed, a smile flittered upon his face and realized how perfect the planet was. He could easily hide out there without anyone the wiser, and Naboo was on the way so he could keep his promise to the Gungans and make a visit at the same time.
"Set course for Naboo, Artoo," Ben said, feeling somewhat lighter than before.
The droid trumpeted at the final response. "You know the planet?" Artoo tooted that he did. "How?" The droid's response this time was much more confused. Artoo answered that he didn't know how, his binary brain just told him he did. To Ben's knowledge Luke hadn't brought Artoo to Naboo when he had gone to retrieve his son, and he couldn't remember Luke ever mentioning being there before, although he too had felt connected to the planet. Perhaps there was something of a mystery to solve on Naboo.
Leaning back into the pilot's seat, Ben ran a gloved hand over the armrest. The leather was worn and would have been cracked if Luke hadn't taken such meticulous care of his fighter. On the overhead dash was Luke's black glove that he sometimes wore when he was feeling his prosthetic hand or in memory of the day he had lost it.
Ben's heart strained with missing his father, but it was also bittersweet. He could remember as a child helping his father maintain the X-wing, watching his father as he explained how to keep the intake valves clean, and checking coolant and other necessary fluids. The time Luke and Mara had taken for making up the tie they had missed when he had been little. Their understanding when he did not quickly take to his parents.
The emptiness was a constant ache inside of him. He missed his father's gentle but stern nature, his mother's quick wit and willingness to show him the wonders of the galaxy. He had quickly become enamored with his parents, the way they had tried to make up for their absence during the Yuuzhan Vong war, and the whirlwind his first few weeks with his parents steadily there were.
He ran a hand through his hair, ruddy brown hair that fell just below his collar. He couldn't keep thinking about the past, it hurt to much and reminded him of what he was missing now. Many times he reminded himself that 'There was no death. Only the Force.' But the Force continually made him revisit his failures, and experience those that were to come. To many the Force was a gift; to Ben Skywalker it was a curse and a responsibility.
Taught by his parents and many other Jedi Masters, Ben took his responsibility seriously. He would not have left the Order if he had felt that there were any way he would not become what he had foreseen. So many times he had hoped to change what was to come, to alter what the Force showed him, and every time he had failed.
Then there was the 'Chosen One' prophecy to bring balance. There was a question whether Ben was really the 'Chosen One' in his mind, if not in the rest of the Order. He couldn't help but think that Anakin was the real one to bring balance, having been saved from death. Ben was the one who would bring the imbalance.
Stop it, he admonished himself. You will stop the darkness before it comes. Perhaps to bring balance means that you must join Dad and Mom.
It was one of the biggest taboos in the Jedi Order. Such a self-sacrifice could be construed as suicide, and that was against the will of the Force. If Ben had to sacrifice his life to keep himself from destroying the galaxy, would that be akin to suicide? He didn't know, but he would stop it from happening, no matter what the cost.
"I stand alone, I fall alone."