Chapter 19: My Soliloquy Is Not a Swan Song!

When he returned to his own bedroom, Sonny saw that Alexis had emerged from under his down comforter. However, she had also fallen asleep. Sonny set the alarm on his cell phone and had been about to turn out the lights, but he found himself just standing there and watching her sleep. She looked tense even when she slept; her jaw was completely rigid and taut. He didn't remember that during the brief period they had been together. Maybe she had picked that up during her cohabitation with Mark. Or maybe that was just another complication of her time with Ric.

Sonny reached down and readjusted the covers around her as thoughts continued to swirl in his head. When Kristina had told him that she wished Alexis had never divorced Mark his heart had ached. Perhaps that was just selfish though. Perhaps it was very selfish if he considered that if Mark and Alexis had stayed together Kristina would have never lived with Ric. That alone would have to be an improvement for everyone.

Sonny leaned down and gently pressed his lips to Alexis's forehead. "I can't let you push me away this time, Alexis. I convinced myself it was for the best before but maybe that was just my guilt talking. I never wanted your sister to die, she was never acceptable collateral damage either. We have to work together and be honest with each other, Alexis. We have to do it for Kristina and Molly if we can't do it for ourselves," he said.

Sonny readjusted the covers a final time. Somehow it was easier to talk to her when she wasn't actually listening. Alexis would call his words a soliloquy, but Sonny was afraid that, in spite of what he truly wanted, they were a swan song. Ric's swan song hadn't impressed her. She had never told him that, after all, grand jury proceedings were supposed to be secret. Grand jury proceedings actually had become secret again after Ric was out of the DA's Office. He had overheard her discussing it with Baldwin when he had gone to see Kristina.

It had been three weeks after the night Kristina had watched Sam shoot Diego and Ric shoot Jason and she still hadn't spoken. Apparently after running out of Dr. Baldwin's office the day before she also hadn't done anything but huddle in her bed wrapped up in some orange blanket. Sonny figured the orange blanket was her magic afghan, but he hadn't known that at the time. Then he had just been responding to Alexis's desperate pleas that he do something so she wouldn't have to let Dr. Baldwin readmit Kristina to the hospital.

At the time, Sonny had been a little surprised that Alexis had called him. For a moment he wondered if perhaps, in spite of everything that had happened, she was able to see that he really was trying to do the right thing for Kristina. He was. Then he grasped reality and decided that Alexis was probably just so desperate to keep Kristina home where she felt safe that she would try anything. He remembered how adamant she had been that Kristina not be admitted initially.

November 17, 2006

Sonny didn't say a word, as he passed her the coffee as they stood in the waiting area outside the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit at Port Charles General Hospital. He could tell it was going to be a long night.

Alexis took the Styrofoam cup and took a gulp. "Blech, this is almost as bad as the stuff at the PCPD. I thought Mark was going to convince the board to renew the contract with Uncommon Grounds. Clearly, he needs to get on that. I should call him," Alexis ranted.

Call him to tell him to work on coffee or call him to tell him about Kristina, Sonny wondered but he didn't ask. There was so much they needed to talk about, Kristina, Ric's arrest, Sam. Sonny was afraid to broach any of those topics.

"Have there been any updates on Jason yet?" Alexis asked.

"Dr. Quartermaine is still in the OR."

"Alan? Isn't it a conflict of interest or something for him to operate on his own nephew?"

"He was the only trauma surgeon in house and they almost lost him twice in the ER I don't think anyone cared about that," Sonny said. He certainly didn't!

A petite blonde woman dressed in scrubs and a long white coat came towards them. Sonny recognized her instantly, he had once considered her brother a brother, much like Jason had become. Stone had died, he clung to the hope that Jason would not.

"Mr. Corinthos, Ms. Davis, I'm Dr. Gina Williams-Addison. I'm one of the PICU attendings and I'm taking care of your daughter, Kristina," she said as she joined them.

"Is this all really necessary?" Alexis asked.

Sonny wrapped an arm around Alexis's shoulders. "Lex, let her finish."

"From a medical standpoint the main concern right now is Kristina's temperature. We're working on rewarming strategies now and things seem to be improving. We will monitor her very closely tonight and if things are better in the morning and her temperature is normal, we can try to transfer her to the regular pediatric floor as early as tomorrow afternoon."

"So, we can't take her home?" Alexis asked.

"Not tonight, but you can come back and see her now and one of you can stay with her tonight."

"She's scared, she needs to be home where she feels safe," Alexis said.

"I'm concerned that if you take Kristina home now before we get her temperature back to normal complications may occur. I know Dr. Baldwin saw Kristina briefly in the ER and she agreed with us taking care of her tonight in the PICU and she will see her again first thing in the morning," Dr. Williams said.

"Why don't we go back and see her, Alexis? I can stay with her if you need to get home to Molly."

"I don't love Molly more than Kristina!"

"No, of course not. But Molly is only a baby and I thought Viola couldn't stay nights anymore because her dad was sick," Sonny said.

"Ric said I loved Kristina more than Molly," Alexis said.

"Well, consider the source. You're a good mother, you love both of your daughters equally," Sonny said and then he realized that he had slipped up. Alexis didn't realize Sam was not her daughter and he didn't think that the PICU at PCGH was the place to tell her that information. Maybe there wasn't a place to tell her that information, but Sonny felt she needed to know.

Alexis didn't question him. Sonny suspected that was just evidence that she was concerned about Kristina and overwhelmed. He could understand that.

"I can take you to Kristina. The IV fluids are mostly to help with rewarming, but we also want to make sure she stays hydrated and has a steady supply of glucose because both of those are important for her brain to function well and it will just be harder for her to process the trauma if we don't ensure that. The puffy looking blanket is for warming. It may look scary, but it really isn't."

Sonny remembered how small Kristina had looked and the way she hadn't really looked at them. Not even when he had stroked her hair or when Alexis had broken down and cried. In the morning, when her temperature was normal, the doctors had let Alexis take her home. They had made arrangements for her to follow up with Dr. Baldwin and, as he had wheeled his daughter to Alexis's car, Sonny had wanted to believe that would work.

Yet, three weeks later things seemed to be even worse if that was possible. He had been scared as he drove out to Candlewick Park where Alexis had bought a townhouse after she moved out of Ric's house. If Alexis couldn't get through to Kristina, he wasn't sure why she expected he would be able to. He was afraid he couldn't. He hadn't listened to Alexis and Scott's conversation to obtain privileged information. He had listened to Alexis and Scott's conversation because he had stood outside Alexis's door for at least fifteen minutes working up his nerve to knock and face what his world had done to his daughter. What he had done to his daughter.

Eventually, he had found the courage to lift the brass knocker on the door. Alexis had pulled it open instantly which he supposed shouldn't have surprised him since she must have been near the door for him to hear her words so clearly. Yet, in the moment he had really needed a few more minutes to collect himself. Perhaps Alexis had too. Neither of them had got them.

December 5, 2006

"Sonny," Alexis gasped as she clung to her front door as if that was keeping her upright.

Sonny shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather coat uncomfortably. "Uh, you asked me to come over, to see Kristina," he mumbled.

"Right, right, of course," Alexis said as she turned away from him to face Scott Baldwin who was watching the whole scene with a coffee mug in his hand. "Scott, you should go, or you will be late for that hearing. Thank you for taking care of it for me, and for the coffee," she said.

"I hope Kristina feels better," Scott said as he set the coffee mug down on the table, picked up his briefcase and winter coat from a nearby chair and started towards the door with a stern glance in Sonny's direction.

"What was Baldwin doing here?" Sonny asked after Alexis had shut the door behind him.

"He is handling my cases this morning. He just stopped by to pick up the files."

Sonny shrugged his shoulders. "So where is Kristina?" he asked.

"In her room she ran there as soon as we came home yesterday. I couldn't even get her to come out for dinner last night. Dr. Baldwin said if we couldn't get her to at least eat and drink she would have to hospitalize her."

"Did something happen yesterday with Dr. Baldwin?"

"We never actually saw her; Kristina ran out of the waiting room. She was upset and crying so we rescheduled for Monday, I thought maybe she would calm down by then. She has in a way, but she is even more withdrawn. I put juice and cookies in her room last night and she didn't even touch them."

For the first time Sonny didn't even feel the need to point out how much unrefined sugar was probably in that snack. Or that just because it said juice on the label didn't mean it didn't have a lot of artificial colorings, flavorings, and extra sugar too.

"I had to wait until she was asleep to get her into her pajamas," Alexis added.

"Is she still asleep?" Sonny asked.

"No, she is awake, but she is just cowering in that afghan she likes. I even offered to make pancakes for breakfast, and she wouldn't get up."

Without meaning to Sonny raised both eyebrows at the idea of Alexis making pancakes.

"I meant the kind from the freezer that go in the microwave, Sonny," Alexis said quickly.

Sonny decided not to point out that those wouldn't exactly inspire him to get out of bed either. "You talked to Dr. Baldwin this morning?"

"Yes, she said if we couldn't get her to eat breakfast that Monica is on service for pediatrics this week and she would ask her to admit her for an IV, so she doesn't get dehydrated."

"How convenient," Sonny said.

"Well, it's better than having to go to the ER."

"Maybe," Sonny said as he shoved his hands back in his pockets.

"You were the one who wanted her in the hospital before," Alexis said pointedly as they walked down the hall to Kristina's room.

"She had cold exposure and was in shock then, Alexis. She needed to be in the PICU at least overnight so they could keep her warm," Sonny said. He wondered if Alexis hadn't wanted her daughter admitted because the PICU at PCGH looked a lot like a bigger version of their stem cell unit where Kristina had been when she had been so sick three years earlier. He knew that time still haunted him.

Sonny opened his daughter's bedroom door with a sense of overwhelming dread. Unfortunately, the uneasiness in the pit of his stomach only intensified when he saw her curled up in a ball in the far corner of her bed. When he sat down on the edge of her bed, she curled herself up even more tightly. "Kristina, I would never hurt you," he said.

He didn't want to hurt her. He had never wanted to hurt her mother either, but he had and perhaps his world had already damaged them both irreparably. He was afraid of that. "I love you, Kristina. I won't let anyone hurt you."

Eventually, he had lured Kristina out of her room for pancakes. Perhaps it had been the pancakes, he had thought that at the time, because he knew it hadn't been his words. Alexis would always be better at that part than he would. With new insight, he realized that it had probably just been that he hadn't tried to take away the precious magic afghan. Alexis had tried to pull it back to get to her daughter, and Kristina had just clung to it more desperately.

Sonny wondered if Alexis had realized her error at the time. He actually hadn't. It was also a little ironic because he could believe that if he had realized the significance of the orange blanket, he probably would have been even more determined to take it away than Alexis. He supposed it was fortunate that he hadn't realized the blanket was Kristina's connection to Mark when he would have probably been selfish and self-centered enough to want to sever that connection.

As he sat down on his temporary bed, Sonny wondered if Kristina had been clinging to Mark as much as the safety of Mark's world. Hospitals didn't blow up like Corinthos-Morgan warehouses did. He had tried to justify that; it hadn't been his fault. He had tried to pretend that he was taking reasonable precautions with Kristina's safety. He had internally argued that no one was completely safe. Even Mark wasn't completely safe, his first wife had died in his arms. No one could keep their children completely safe. It sounded good. Or it had, but Sonny knew it wasn't good enough. He had to do better. He had to truly leave the mafia and it's associated violence behind.

He had let himself acknowledge that before. He had even made some efforts in those directions. But he hadn't found a way. Perhaps he hadn't really wanted to find a way. Perhaps it wasn't about what he wanted. Perhaps it was about what his kids needed. Perhaps it was time to make sure his soliloquy wasn't a swan song. Perhaps he was the only one who could.