Chapter 21: Once You Love Sonny Corinthos You Never Stop

Alexis grimaced as she moved slightly, and new pain surged through her head. She had forgotten how much a concussion could hurt. It had almost been a year since her last one. Abby had stayed with her then so that Kristina and Molly would have some illusion of normalcy. She had told Kristina that sometimes adults had sleepovers too.

"What is hurting you?" Sonny asked.

"I'm fine."

"You're in pain. Did they give you something for the pain?"

"No, but I don't need anything for pain. It is just a concussion. I've had concussions before and I survived then, I'm sure I will again."

"When?" Sonny asked.

Which time? Alexis wondered. However, it wasn't really like she wanted to discuss any of those times with Sonny, especially not the most recent example. She really should think more before she opened her mouth. She recalled how she had tried to give Ally that advice when she was trying to prepare her to testify in her custody hearing with Sonny. Ally hadn't exactly heeded it, but Alexis liked to think she was capable of more rational thought. Or sometimes she was.

"Alexis?" Sonny asked.

"I don't really want to talk about this," Alexis said.

"How long have you not been feeling well?"

What happened to discussing this in the morning? Perhaps Sonny knew she wouldn't want to talk about it then, either. What about her fifth amendment privilege? "I'm fine, Sonny!"

"Then why are you passing out at work? Why are you following up with all those doctors? Why are you talking about not letting Trevor take the girls even over your dead body?"

Alexis raised her right index finger into the air. "Objection, argumentative!"

Sonny sighed. "I'm worried about you," he said as he reached out and started to rub the back of her neck. "I don't mean to upset you."

No of course not. But instead of unleashing the retort on the tip of her tongue Alexis found herself overcome with tears. Once she started to cry, she couldn't stop.

XXXXXXXX

Pulling Alexis into his arms was just instinctive for Sonny. He thought it always had been. He had held her when she believed her brother would never accept her. Then he had thought of his own brother whom, in 1998, he had believed was dead. But Ric hadn't been dead. In fact, he had been lurking in the shadows, months away from the beginning of his reign of terror that spanned nearly a decade. So, later, Sonny had held her when his brother, who he couldn't call a brother, had sex with her daughter on their living room floor. But Sam wasn't truly her daughter, she was her niece, so he had tried to hold her after he revealed that truth. Even when she had screamed at him at her sister's funeral, when she had broken down, he had reached for her.

She had turned away then. She had turned to Dr. Mark Quartermaine, her sister's fiancée. Yet, Mark and Kristina would never marry because mob violence had once again ripped the woman, he loved from him. Mark had said as much in his part of Kristina's eulogy before he had spoken of how Kristina's legacy as being the end of the violence and his family's commitment to that goal. Mark had inherited Quartermaine eloquence. It sounded nice, but it just made Sonny feel worse. At the time, he suspected that might have even been Mark's intention.

Edward Quartermaine bought the charred and condemned remains of the warehouse where Kristina had died. His wife and daughter planted a community garden there and added in a few swings for good measure. Apparently, Kristina had loved swings, even in her mid-twenties. It was all very Quartermainely, as Lois would have said. Sonny still averted his eyes every time he passed by.

Sonny pulled Alexis closer to him, wrapped his arms around her more securely as she continued to cry, and wished there was more he could do. "Do you want some aspirin or something?" he finally asked.

"That would help, thank you," Alexis said.

XXXXXXXX

Alexis released a frustrated sigh after Sonny left the room. Sonny was the last person she should be letting comfort her. That always led to dangerous places. Yet, she returned there repeatedly. Why?

Kristina had asked her that. Kristina hadn't understood Sonny's life, or his world. She really hadn't understood her sister's place in it, and the closer she had gotten to the Quartermaines the more that had concerned her. Kristina was compassionate and empathetic. She felt their pain, their longing for Jason, for Carmina, even for more time with Brooke Lynn. Their children that Sonny's world had taken away. Kristina hadn't wanted to lose her sister to that. She hadn't though. Alexis had.

That was ironic. But perhaps the answer to Kristina's question was more ironic. Why? Because she needed him. She shouldn't but she did. In spite of the danger of his world, and life, she felt safe with him.

The last part defied logic. Alexis couldn't explain it, but it was why she had almost told him that she was pregnant with his child. She had needed would have been messy; he had let Ally and Anthony move in after Ally returned from Shady Brook after her suicide attempt. But messy she would have dealt with. Then Ally and Anthony were with him when he was ambushed by Sorel's men. That wasn't just messy that was too much like her childhood. She had wanted something better for her child. She wanted her child to be raised away from the violence she had never escaped. So, she had gone to Mark.

Mark had agreed to help her. Not immediately, but she had pushed until he saw things her way. Or perhaps he was just too tortured by the memories of his own daughter's death to do anything but agree.

June 23, 1999

"Good morning! You definitely look like you can use this," Alexis said as she extended a cup of coffee when Dr. Mark Quartermaine opened his front door.

"I don't drink Corinthos-Morgan," Mark said. He didn't take the coffee, but he did step aside and let her step into his home.

"Are you sure? I bought it out of habit but I'm trying to avoid caffeine. Seriously, you don't look well, is something wrong?"

"I didn't sleep well last night," Mark said without meeting her eyes. He opened the briefcase that was sitting on his coffee table and rooted around in it for a few moments. He retrieved a bottle of pills and slid one into his mouth.

Alexis wondered if she was truly as evil as Helena. Essentially, she was emotionally blackmailing him with memories of his daughter's death. She had gone too far and was too desperate to stop though. "So, have you given any more thought to my proposition?"

Mark didn't answer her. He went into the bathroom where Alexis was quite sure he threw up. She tried to tell herself that he got Cluster Headaches and that wasn't her fault, but she suspected that the particular headache she was witnessing was at least to a large extent her fault.

Eventually Mark returned and sunk down onto his couch with his head in his hands. "You're right, Alexis, I can't imagine making anyone else lose a child. If you can't come up with anything else I'll claim your child. But I won't lie to your sister so if we do this we do it with full disclosure to your sister that part is non-negotiable. I also get to determine how, and when, we tell my family."

"Are you going to tell them the baby isn't yours?"

"That would seem to defeat the purpose wouldn't it?" Mark asked.

"Fine then I get to determine how and when we tell Kristina," Alexis said.

As she sat on Mark's couch Alexis had believed she would find a way to make her sister understand why they had to do it her way. But in the end, she hadn't. Perhaps that should have told her something.

Alexis wasn't proud of any of that, but she had been desperate. Then Kristina died. Everything changed then. No one, except for Mark and her dead sister, had known she was pregnant when she had called out Sonny and Jason and their life of violence at Kristina's Memorial Service. When she had collapsed everyone had presumed that she was just overcome with grief.

She had married Mark roughly a month after her sister's death. In retrospect, Alexis couldn't imagine how his family hadn't thought they were insane. Or perhaps it hadn't seemed so off since Mark was a widower with a small child. It was almost expected that he remarry; although generally it would be expected that he remarry someone with maternal capabilities. Plus, they announced they were expecting a child about a month after returning from their honeymoon. Although all the Quartermaines talked about how it must have been some honeymoon, Alexis suspected they had truly believed that Mark had felt obligated to marry her after he got her pregnant.

Alexis was ok with that belief because it kept them from wondering if it was really Mark who had gotten her pregnant. Then Sonny died. Everything changed then.

October 8, 1999

"Are you sure about this?" Dr. Mark Quartermaine asked as he parked in the lot behind St. Timothy's.

"I have to say goodbye. I don't expect you to understand and I know I stood up in front of everyone and denounced him and his world for killing Kristina. I want my daughter to be safe, I know she wouldn't be with him, but I can't hate Sonny."

"When Lois was married to Ned, she once explained that once you love Sonny Corinthos you never stop. Maybe that's true. I suppose, since I've never loved Sonny Corinthos, maybe I just wouldn't understand."

"You don't have to come with me, Mark."

"It's ok, I want to make sure you're ok, and I guess, in spite of my own feelings, I can see how this is a tragedy for those who loved him, Lois, Brooklyn, and Jason especially."

Alexis hadn't even thought of Brooklyn. She vaguely remembered her from a few years ago when she had first come to Port Charles and Ned and Lois had still been married. She had attended her second birthday party because Edward Quartermaine had been passing invitations out at the hospital board meeting. Stefan had felt it was important that the Cassadine family be represented but felt he himself had better things to do than play tiddly winks. So, that had left Alexis. "Do you think Lois will bring her to the funeral?" she finally asked.

"I don't know. I know Ned and Carly were going to come to support Jason, and I guess Lois. Brooklyn isn't that much older than Kensington so maybe it is better if she just hangs onto her happy memories and doesn't have to see him in a box," Mark said.

Alexis heard his voice break. She knew he was back in July 1998 when he had buried his first wife, Elizabeth Kensington Quartermaine. Their daughter Kensington had been barely two then.

Moments later, when she stepped into St. Timothy's Church, the first-person Alexis saw was Ally Rescott Alden Bowman. She supposed that figured. Dressed in black with her eyes red rimmed, Ally looked every bit the grieving widow even if she and Sonny hadn't actually been married.

Somewhat surprisingly Ally was flanked by Brenda Barrett, and another woman with dark hair who after a moment's deliberation Alexis realized had to be the former Lois Ashton who had somehow become Dr. Lois Cerullo.

While Alexis stood uncomfortably, Ned Ashton entered the church with his wife Carly Benson Ashton.

Ned stepped forward and hugged Brenda. He whispered something Alexis couldn't quite hear and then kissed her cheek before he stepped back. He turned towards the woman on her right. "Lois, I'm very sorry for your loss. I tried to call to see if we could help with Brooklyn in any way," Ned said.

"I know, I got your message, but I was on call last night and Brookie was with Ma and I have it covered but thank you, really," Lois said. She didn't meet Ned's eyes. She turned instead to Ally. "Ally, I'm going to call to check on the kids before the service starts why don't you come with me?" she asked.

After Lois and Ally left, Ned turned back to Brenda. "Is Brooke ok?"

"Gloria, Olivia, and Max took her, Dante, and Anthony to the Island. After the Funeral Lois and Ally are going to spend some time with them and tell them about Sonny," Brenda explained.

"She is voluntarily spending time with Ally," Alexis said.

"I've been told that when you become a mother you learn to make sacrifices for children. I suppose I wouldn't know. Perhaps you will learn that soon. I better find Jax before something else happens," Brenda said.

"Did Brenda just defend Ally?" Alexis asked.

"She has a point, I'm sure on some level this is a loss for Anthony," Ned said.

Alexis raised an eyebrow with skepticism. "Which is why the Quartermaines were trying to get Jason to challenge the adoption?"

"I'm sure Jason taking a less active role when Ally and Anthony moved in with Sonny was a loss too. Children need some consistency. Revolving door dads are never a good thing. I couldn't see it at the time but I think that was a lot of why my mother never seriously dated anyone until after I went away to boarding school," Ned said

"So how would you feel if Lois remarried? Would you try to take Brooklyn back?" Alexis asked.

"Lois is a good mother and I'm sure she would use great caution with that. I don't think that would be a problem whether she remarries or doesn't," Ned said.

Carly rolled her eyes. "Good grief! A man is dead, Alexis, and you are one of the most judgmental harpies I have ever met. Mark, you know I love you and Kensi, but please can you just keep your wife away from me," she ranted before she turned and made her way to a pew.

Ned followed his wife.

"Alexis, I know you are upset, but this really isn't the time for any of this," Mark said before he ushered her to a pew carefully on the other side of the church from where Ned and Carly had seated themselves.

Yes, Alexis supposed revolving door dads weren't a good thing. It was too bad that was what she had ended up giving Kristina. She hadn't meant for it to be that way. Perhaps Ally would say the same thing she realized with a pang.

"You really shouldn't take these on an empty stomach," Sonny said as he came back into the bedroom with the bottle of aspirin and a glass of water.

Alexis tried to push the idea of her and Ally having common ground to the back of her mind as she flashed Sonny another not amused expression.

"You're not a fan of milk so I thought maybe some ice cream would go over better," Sonny said as he pulled a pint of Ben & Jerry's and two spoons from behind his back.