Chapter 23: Denial

October 20, 2007

As he walked into the kitchen Sonny hit shuffle on Anthony's ipod. They said you were supposed to listen to the music your kids did and read the books they read so you knew what they were being exposed to. Anthony claimed he didn't read so Sonny supposed that left music. So, every time Anthony forgot his ipod Sonny listened to it. After the first time he had been reluctant to give it back. Then Brooklyn had shown him how you could erase songs and admitted that her own mother would have probably erased half of the songs on Anthony's ipod.

Anthony never said anything when he got his ipod back with half of it's content missing so Sonny liked to believe that Anthony l didn't really like those songs either and had downloaded them by mistake. Yeah, he probably lived in denial. That was probably another reason he really needed to figure out how to make some major changes in his life.

As he mixed pancake batter Sonny realized that shuffle was an inefficient strategy to find the songs he needed to remove. So far nothing he had heard was anything he wanted Michael listening to, but he also had no idea what the names of the songs were. He would have to get Brooklyn to show him how to show the song list or whatever it was called, maybe after Morgan's soccer game.

As Sonny started to pour pancake batter another song started to play. Unlike everything before, it was vaguely familiar, although Sonny didn't recall the name. Somehow the rhythm reminded him of the beach in Puerto Rico, or maybe it was more the sense he had gotten when he had been there with Alexis in 1999.

When you walked up behind me and covered my eyes
And whispered in my ear, guess who
I rattled off names like I really didn't know
But all along I knew it was you

And, the longer we talked, the more we laughed
And wondered why we didn't last
It had been a long time, but later last night
Baby, we caught up real fast

And maybe it's a little too early
To know if this is gonna work
All I know is you're sure looking
Good in my shirt
That's right
You look good in my shirt

Well now I'm not saying that we solved overnight
Every way that we went wrong
Oh, but what I'm seeing I'd sure love seeing
Every morning from now on

And maybe it's a little too early
To know if this is gonna work
All I know is you're sure looking
Good in my shirt

C'mon now
Aww that's right
Oh you look so fine

And maybe it's a little too early
To know if this is gonna work
All I know is you're sure looking
Good in my shirt

And maybe it's a little too early
To know if this is gonna work
All I know is you're sure looking
Good in my shirt
You look good in my shirt
You look good in my shirt

When the song ended Sonny cued back to the beginning and listened to it again. Maybe it was too early, but he wanted to believe that he and Alexis had torn down a few walls the night before. It was probably denial to believe that they were back together. Perhaps it was denial to believe that they had ever truly been together in the first place. Sonny supposed Alexis would dispute they had been. Yet he had to wonder if that was because she hadn't felt the same connection he did, or if it was because he had betrayed her, and that connection, after Ally's first suicide attempt.

May 21, 1999

"So, I went to see Ally today," Sonny said. He had tried to toss the words out nonchalantly, but he suspected he had failed.

Alexis looked up from her linguini with clam sauce. "I thought she was in Shady Brook?"

"She is but Jason said she wanted to see me," Sonny said. His words were punctuated with a sigh. He knew where his obligations lay, but his heart still pushed him in a different direction.

Alexis didn't say anything. She twirled some more linguini around her fork but didn't bring another bite to her mouth.

Sonny took and released another deep breath as he grabbed his chin in contemplation. "Apparently she was here the night she tried to kill herself," he admitted.

"I thought she was in Jason's penthouse? Mark told Kristina that Emily let herself in to retrieve a left behind sweater and found Ally passed out on the couch. She called 911 perhaps just in the knick of time," Alexis said.

"She went there after she saw us together," Sonny said as he gripped his chin and sighed again. "I guess she hadn't expected that."

Alexis took another bite of her food but didn't comment.

Sonny released a deeper sigh. "Ally wants us to try to work things out," he said.

"I wasn't aware that you and Ally were an us," Alexis said.

"You knew we were together last fall. Ally was carrying my child until Ric pushed her down the stairs at that Gala for the Stone Cates Wing."

"I thought Ally fell. Did you see Ric push her? You really should be careful about flinging around these allegations without much substance behind them. You could open yourself up to a suit for defamation," Alexis said pointedly.

Perhaps Ally had fallen, but Sonny didn't really believe that. His mother had "fallen" down a lot of stairs, and in every case Trevor or Deke had been involved.

"Ric Lansing is a sociopath! Did you know he was at Shady Brook visiting Ally?"

Alexis made a face Sonny couldn't quite read. Or maybe he just didn't want to.

"I guess Ally must be feeling better if she is able to entertain half of Port Charles from her asylum," Alexis said.

"She doesn't realize that Ric is the last person she should be with!"

Alexis raised an eyebrow. "Who Ally dates is your concern because?"

Sonny supposed the truth was that it was his concern because he didn't want to see another child grow up with an abusive stepfather the way he had. He and Ally had lived together while she had been carrying his child. He had planned to adopt her first son. All of that had ended when Ric had pushed her down the stairs and then he saw her turning to Ric, just as his mother had repeatedly returned to Deke. "Someone has to think of her child. I told Ally she and Tony could stay here for a while when she is ready to be released from Shady Brook," Sonny finally said.

"You did what?" Alexis asked.

"I told Ally she could stay here," Sonny repeated.

"Sometimes I can't believe you!"

Sonny supposed sometimes he couldn't believe himself. He had attempted to take Ally back to help her but, if he was honest, he suspected he had hurt much more than he had helped. He had wanted to save her son from having an evil stepfather. That might sound noble but in the end Kristina and Molly were subjected to the evil stepfather he had rescued Tony from.

Perhaps it was hard for Alexis to trust him because he had sacrificed her for Ally. Ally would always be the mother of his sons and he would always want her to be safe because of that fact. He would always have some obligation to Ally, and he thought that was appropriate. But Alexis was the mother of his daughters and Alexis was the one he loved.

Alexis had asked him the night before how she had married Ric. He supposed she would have said it was a rhetorical question, they were kind of her trademark after all. However, even if she had wanted an answer, he wasn't sure he would have been able to admit it. She had married Ric because he had passed her over for a woman, he wasn't sure he had ever truly loved. From there, what Alexis would have called, a snowball effect of epic proportions had ensued. Perhaps it was too late to repair the damage, but Sonny couldn't believe that. Perhaps that was just more denial.