Chapter 27: Love, Love, Love
Kristina smiled as another thought occurred to her. If Daddy Mark became her godfather, then maybe she would get to light the advent candle again. It was supposed to be the youngest child and she had gotten to with Daddy Mark before everything turned bad. Nicole had really been the youngest then, but she had just been a baby and couldn't light the candle even with help. Then the next year she was in the hospital for Christmas and then Daddy Ric never wanted to go to Trinity Episcopal, the church the Quartermaines went to. Actually, Daddy Ric never wanted to go to church at all. So occasionally her mom let her go to church with her real dad, but Daddy Ric always got angry when she called him that. But he was, or at least that was what her mother had said and why she had divorced Daddy Mark. But that had never made any sense to Kristina. If she had to divorce Daddy Mark because he wasn't her real dad then why had she needed to marry Daddy Ric? He wasn't her real dad either.
After her mother divorced Daddy Ric then sometimes, she would let Kristina go to church with her Grandma. She had promised Kristina could go to light the advent candle on the second Sunday of Advent. Her once almost sister Kensington, was going to read the scripture and Nicole couldn't do it because she was going to play some piano thing with her mom while they were lighting the candles.
Sometimes Kristina wondered if her mom tried to forget things on purpose. Daddy Ric had said that once, but it had been something about her real dad and that had made her mother cry. Kristina didn't like it when Daddy Ric made her mother cry. Daddy Mark had never done that. So, Kristina had never asked her mother if she really did that. She had just gotten up really early on that Sunday and been all ready for church even before Molly's cries woke their mother up. Then her mother hadn't been able to forget so she had to take them.
December 10, 2006
The sanctuary at Trinity Episcopal smelled like pine and Kristina decided that the wreaths and garlands must be real. She liked the smell of pine and the tree that Viola had put up just smelled a little like moth balls which wasn't really the same, or very nice, as far as Kristina was concerned. Her daddy had promised he would get a real tree at his house and that she and Brooklyn could decorate it on Christmas Eve with Molly because her brothers were going to Hawaii with their mom and Jax.
Jax had been married to Aunt Courtney but then Aunt Courtney had gone to heaven. Or that was what her dad had said. Kristina remembered she had asked if Aunt Courtney and Aunt Kristina were together. Her father had never answered that. He never wanted to talk about Aunt Kristina. Actually no one except for daddy Mark would ever tell her about Aunt Kristina.
Kristina felt her mother nudge her towards a pew in the back of the church. She wanted to protest that she wanted to sit with Grandma or Daddy Mark, but the words weren't there so instead she just ran up the church aisle where the Quartermaines were taking up two entire rows of pews. Silently she climbed into Daddy Mark's lap like she used to when she was younger. Kristina saw the way he had looked at her Grandma warily when she plopped into his lap, but he didn't tell her she had to move and when she laid her head against his chest he did gently pat her back.
So, Kristina had gotten to light the advent candles and later, perhaps because she had fallen asleep on Daddy Mark's lap and her mother hadn't wanted to wake her, they had gone to brunch at Aunt Monica and Uncle Alan's house.
December 10, 2006
Kristina awoke as she felt the car stop. She peeked out one eye and saw the familiar large brick colonial of her Aunt Monica's house. She smiled and then let her eye droop closed again.
"If she is still asleep, I'll get her, Alexis," she heard Daddy Mark say after she heard a door opening.
Kristina didn't open her eyes. She remembered how Daddy Mark used to carry her inside when she was younger. Back when she had been allowed to just call him Daddy not Daddy Mark. Back before there were bad ladies, and when she had only seen a gun on television.
"Thank you. She hasn't been sleeping well," she heard her mother say. Her voice faded a little as if she had moved over to the other side of the car to unfasten Molly from her car seat.
"What did Dr. Baldwin say?" she heard Daddy Mark ask as she felt him reach down and undo the seat belt that ran through the booster seat.
"I'll explain later," her mother said. Kristina knew that meant she didn't want her to possibly hear. Kristina wanted to hear though; she didn't want to be without words forever.
Daddy Mark carried her into Aunt Monica's house and laid her down on the couch somewhere. Kristina thought it wasn't the living room maybe it was the den. Supposedly that was one of Uncle Alan's favorite rooms or something. Kristina didn't completely understand that. She shivered a little as Daddy Mark worked her arms out of the sleeves of her coat. She supposed her mother must have noticed that because she heard her gasp.
"It is a little chilly in here. Monica and Alan have this new zone control heating system. I'll make sure this zone is adjusted," Daddy Mark said as he laid something that felt like a blanket over her.
"She wasn't staying warm before either. Maybe she does need to go back to the hospital. I panicked before when Sonny insisted but maybe he was right," her mother said.
"What do you mean? When was she in the hospital?"
"Before, she had to stay in the hospital, in the PICU because she was too cold. I don't know, Mark, this is all just too much," her mother said.
Kristina heard the concern in her mother's voice. She sat up and opened her eyes.
Daddy Mark smiled down at her. "You're awake, Kensi and Nicole are in the kitchen helping Monica make hot apple cider. Would you like to help with that?"
Kristina reached for his hand and let him lead her from the room. She knew he probably just wanted the chance to get her mom to tell him the things she wouldn't in front of her but if he didn't love her, like Cousin Emily had promised he did, then he wouldn't care. Plus, maybe he would be able to help her. He was a doctor after all!
Kristina did believe that Daddy Mark had tried to help her. He had carried her out to the car after brunch because it had started to snow again, and she hadn't worn boots. He hadn't even grumbled about her mother being inept for not having her dressed appropriately. Daddy Ric would have done that, but Daddy Mark was way different from Daddy Ric.
Daddy Mark had also invited Kristina to go to church with the Quartermaines on Christmas Eve. Her mother had said they couldn't because they already had plans with her father. They had, but Kristina had sort of wished she could have gone to church with the Quartermaines instead. She hadn't said that, because she didn't have words, and because she didn't want to hurt her father's feelings.
On Christmas Eve they went to her father's penthouse to decorate the tree. Her mother had said they could spend the night with her father and at first that had almost sounded better than just church with the Quartermaines. Then they had gotten to her daddy's and she had heard her father talking to her special friends Max and Johnny about making sure everything was secure. She had remembered how Daddy Ric had shot Jason and all the blood. She had wondered if she needed to figure out how to hide from Daddy Ric. She had wondered if she would have to teach Molly how to hide. But Molly was just a baby, she was even younger than Morgan had been when the bad lady who was Daddy Ric's friend had taken them before.
December 24, 2006
Overwhelmed, Kristina snuck away to her room. She piled the pillows around her in a sort of fortress which made her feel safer. She knew Anthony would say that she was stupid for thinking that. Anthony told her she was stupid a lot, basically any time she didn't agree with him. Kristina had wanted to tell Anthony he was stupid, but her Grandma didn't like it when she used that word, so she had told Anthony that no one knew everything. He had laughed at that, and it hadn't been the good kind of laughter.
Kristina was kind of glad that Anthony and Morgan were going to Hawaii for Christmas. She would miss Morgan, but she liked the idea of Christmas with just her, her mother, Molly, and her dad. Sometimes she wondered if things would have been different if her mommy had married her real daddy when she had divorced Daddy Mark. Maybe things would have been ok then.
Kristina heard the door open and turned to see her godsister, Brooklyn and her father standing there.
"Brooklyn brought you an extra present, Krissy. Wasn't that nice of her?" her father asked.
Kristina forced a smile. She knew her father loved Brooklyn and he had told her that Brooklyn had loved her so much that she had tried to help save her when she had been sick. But Brooklyn hadn't been able to.
"I brought you a sock Monkey," Brooklyn said as she took a few steps closer to Kristina's bed.
"I'm going to go get the rest of the ornaments out of the attic and then we can finish the tree," her father said and then he left her alone, alone with Brooklyn.
Kristina took the sock monkey that Brooklyn was extending warily. She thought Morgan had one sort of like it. She thought she had been scared of Morgan's when Anthony had made it roar. Monkeys didn't roar, or at least in the stories Daddy Mark had read her about Curious George they hadn't. She missed those stories almost as much as she missed Daddy Mark.
"He's cool, isn't he? My Aunt Olivia makes them for the kids at Maimonides every Christmas. I did the eyes and mouth this year, so Aunt Olivia let me make a few extra for my friends and some to send to the children at Mommy's hospital," Brooklyn said as she sat down on Kristina's bed.
"You don't have to say thank you. I understand that talking is overrated sometimes. Especially if the grownups don't always listen anyway," Brooklyn added.
Kristina wondered if Brooklyn's mommy ever forgot things on purpose. Brooklyn's mom was married to her dad, so she bet that made everything a lot easier. She had asked her mother once about that and she had remembered that she had forgotten they needed milk from the store. Except they hadn't because Kristina knew that Viola had bought a new carton the day before.
"But, you know, if there was ever anything really important you could tell me, and I think I could help you make your dad listen. I don't mind, I mean maybe I kind of owe you that because Uncle Sonny has helped my mom listen some. He can be good that way, and, Kristina, he really loves you. Are you cold?" Brooklyn asked.
Kristina nodded and started to reach for her magic afghan.
Brooklyn unfolded it the rest of the way for her. "This must be one of Grandma's afghans. These are the best!. They're so warm; I like to use them under the quilts," she said.
Kristina nodded again.
"Are you scared? "
Kristina nodded again.
"I understand. Sometimes people do things that aren't right and it's really hard to not give in and do things that aren't right yourself. But it's important and you have your dad and Uncle Sonny would protect you from anything."
Kristina wondered about that.
"Do you want to hear a song? I guess it's one my dad wrote for me. Aunt Brenda told me about it and Uncle Miguel helped me download it for my I-pod two summers ago when I was afraid, I would be an orphan. I always listen to it when I'm upset, and it makes me feel better. Don't tell anyone but I think it is definitely better than Michael or Lila's songs.
Kristina looked at Brooklyn intently. Apparently, her father, Ned, had written a song for each of his children. Her mother never sang, her father didn't either. If she slept over with Nicole, her father, Kristina's Uncle Alan, would sing to them when he tucked them in. Cousin Emily would too. Kristina nodded her head again.
"You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
You're gonna cry, but know that that's okay
Sometimes life's not fair, but if you hang in there
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe that things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You're gonna be," Brooklyn sang.
Kristina knew that song. Daddy Mark had sung it to her. It had been one of her favorites. "I was afraid when I saw the gun," Kristina said. She saw the surprise on Brooklyn's face and the words surprised her as well. She had words!
"I understand. Honestly, you should be afraid of guns because they can kill people. They certainly are not toys! But you're safe here and hopefully the bad people will eventually all go away," Brooklyn said. She opened her arms and Kristina fell into them and for a few moments when Brooklyn held her, she decided that maybe God sisters were not overrated.
They had gone downstairs to finish decorating the tree, then Aunt Lois had returned from the hospital and after some hot cocoa she had taken Brooklyn and Lila with her to the Christmas Eve Service at Trinity Episcopal. Kristina had tried to ask her mother if she could go with them, but her mother hadn't answered her and then they had left. Her mom's boss's daughter Serena had explained that avoiding questions was a common defense tactic. Kristina hadn't completely understood that, at least not at first. Then there was the day her mother basically dragged her away from Daddy Mark. That had been a definite low point of life.
May 5, 2007
"I'm starving!" Kristina Davis-Corinthos announced as she followed her mother out of the bank onto the sidewalk along Division Street. She hated Saturdays on weekends they didn't spend with her father since all they did was follow her mother around on various errands.
Her mother navigated Molly's stroller around a couple kissing in the middle of the sidewalk with a disapproving glance before turning to face her daughter. "You can't possibly be starving. We just had breakfast!" she said.
"That was hours ago," Kristina whined.
Her mother glanced down at her watch. "It was exactly one hour and fifteen minutes ago."
Kristina shook her head. "I hate it when you tell me how I should feel!"
It was almost like she hadn't said anything because her mother certainly didn't acknowledge her words. Instead, she said, "Here, take my hand we have to cross the street."
Kristina crossed her arms across her body and turned away from her mother.
"Kristina Adela Davis-Corinthos, this is not the time for a tantrum if you want us to make it to Lacey's birthday party. Now, take my hand so we can cross the street. I need to pick up some files from the PCPD before we go return your library books."
Kristina contemplated her options. Her mother probably would really make her miss Lacey's party just to prove a point. Or that would be how she would explain it later. Sometimes Kristina wanted to tell her mom that she wasn't an opponent in court she was her daughter. She didn't have to prove points. She didn't say any of that though and after stealing her eyes for a few more moments she did take her mother's hand.
"Can we go to Pancake Heaven after you pick up your files?" Kristina asked as her mother navigated Molly's stroller up over the curb on the opposite side of the street.
"You mean may we, but, no, Pancake Heaven is on the other side of the street. I am not crossing Division Street a third and fourth time with a stroller," her mother said as she started around to the back of the PCPD where there was a ground level entrance.
Kristina rolled her eyes. "If you had listened to me when I said I was hungry before you wouldn't have to. Daddy always feeds me when I'm hungry. He says it is cruel to make a child go hungry."
Kristina heard her mother sigh and wondered if she had pushed things too far. She really was hungry though; she might have had breakfast only an hour ago but it had only been juice and a granola bar. When she slept over at Nicole's house Nicole's mom or dad always at least made them oatmeal with nuts and sometimes eggs or something. Her daddy made pancakes. It wasn't her fault her mother couldn't cook, and Viola couldn't work weekends. Kristina looked down at the ground in frustration but when she looked up again, she smiled because she saw Daddy Mark coming across the parking lot with an armful of teddy bears.
For a moment Kristina forgot about the gnawing hunger pit in the bottom of her stomach as she ran across the parking lot to Daddy Mark. "Are all of these for me?" she asked excitedly.
"Actually, they are for the PCPD safe hugs program, but you can pick one to keep, and one for Molly," Daddy Mark said.
"Dad, I hope you had your keys because when I closed the back door it locked," a familiar voice said behind them.
"That's fine, honey," Daddy Mark said.
Kristina seethed with envy that Kensington got to call Daddy Mark, just plain old dad. It must be nice!
"Oh, hi, Kristina!" Kensington Quartermaine said.
"Hi," Kristina said flatly. On some level, she knew it was wrong to hate Kensington just because she got to keep Daddy Mark. But she kind of did! It only got worse though. When she watched Daddy Mark adjust the load of teddy bears so he could wrap an arm around Kensington, Kristina felt physical pain.
There was so much Kristina had wanted to say but she had never gotten the chance because her mother had herded her into the car before she could. Her mother had insisted that they had to keep going with their errands or she would be late for Lacey's birthday party. Kristina had wanted to scream that if she had to choose between Daddy Mark and Lacey, she would choose Daddy Mark but he and Kensi had already disappeared into the PCPD by the time her mother pulled out of the parking lot.
Her mother didn't understand that. After that it seemed like they saw Kensi almost everywhere and Daddy Mark was always with her. Kensi always called him dad too, just plain dad. Kristina tried to remember that Kensi had shared her toys and even let her climb into her bed on the nights that she had bad dreams and Daddy Mark was at the hospital. For years Daddy Mark had told her that Kensi loved her, and Kristina wanted to believe that and wanted to love Kensington, but it was hard to share Daddy Mark with Kensi even if he had really been Kensi's daddy first. Kristina wanted to believe that if Daddy Mark became her godfather sort of like her father was Brooklyn's then maybe it would be ok. Maybe the sharing would work better and maybe she wouldn't feel like everyone loved Kensington, or Brooklyn more. Because she did feel that way sometimes.