Chapter 30: Onward Through the Fog?

October 21, 2007

Dr. Lois Cerullo smiled at the irony that she had just let herself into her brother's penthouse and made her way into the kitchen where his former sister-in-law, who also happened to be Lois's daughter's former stepmother was attempting to feed her niece, who technically held no biological connection to her and much less than a fifty percent biological connection to her brother, breakfast.

"Oh, look, Molly, it's your lucky morning! Aunt Lois is here, and she is going to make you an edible breakfast." Carly Benson Ashton Durant said.

Lois laughed as she pulled a carton of eggs and some milk from her brother's refrigerator. "How about some scrambled eggs?" she asked.

"Yeah, I never absorbed Ned's omelet skills by osmosis or something during our marriage," Carly said.

"Technically, I didn't either. I made omelets for Brooklyn's last little sleepover. All her friends were raving, meanwhile Brookie is like they're good mom. I guess someone has raised her well because she didn't voice aloud that her daddy's are better. I'm making scrambled eggs which might be a tossup. I really might just like Ned's better because that means I didn't have to make them," Lois said as she pulled down a bowl from the cupboard.

"Michael likes your scrambled eggs better!" Carly said.

Lois smiled as she cracked eggs into the bowl. "Aww, I love him!" she said. She did for so many reasons besides that he appreciated her scrambled eggs.

"So, do you want to take him and go meet your husband and daughters for church and I'll stay here with Molly and Miss Sleep Until Noon Kristina. Or do you want to trade places and I'll brave church with the Qs?"

Lois laughed as she whisked the eggs and milk with a fork. "Does this also obligate me to attend Quartermaine Family Brunch?" she asked.

"I think it's a package deal. Or at least I have never been able to convince Edward of the contrary. Of course, if you take him there is always the possibility that you could get paged and escape back to the hospital," Carly said.

Lois laughed. "Technically Robin is on call after 8 AM but she refuses to cover PICU so I guess it could happen. I hope not though, I think Patrick worked any miracles that were possible last night and early this morning. It truly is in God's hands now," she said. She saw the way that Carly's face contorted at the mention of Robin's name. She decided she wasn't going there as she started to pour her egg mixture into the pan.

"I'm sorry, that was insensitive of me to say. I would be seriously losing it if Michael was in the PICU. It was bad enough when he had the stem cell transplant," Carly said.

"Yeah, it's hard to see your kid struggle and suffer even if you realize that it is the only option and it could bring them a chance at a whole new life; like it did for Michael," Lois said. Yet, as she said the words she thought of Brooklyn. She really needed to let Ned in on what had happened, and she really couldn't face that.

"I hope it will for your patient as well," Carly said.

"Yeah, me too, but unfortunately I think they have a much more uphill battle than Michael did, even before you guys realized that Charlotte was going to be a match," Lois said. Once the words were out and she saw Carly's face she realized that as much as it was helpful for Ned to hear Carmina and Charlotte's names it was perhaps as hard for Carly to hear Charlotte's as it was for her to hear Carmina's. That was never something she and Carly had specifically discussed. Maybe they should.

"I'm sorry, Carly," Lois said as she extended an arm out to the woman, she truly had come to consider a friend.

Carly hugged her. "I know Ned and all of the Quartermaines think it is healthy to say her name and I know that it has been eight years and they're probably right, but I say that name and I see her lying on her little belly playing with those ducks she loved, and I just lose it."

Lois gulped and stirred at the eggs for a moment to regain some composure. "I won't say the Quartermaines and Ned are wrong but I think we all grieve differently and I probably would have similar reaction to you saying Carmina's name and that is after eleven years so I should be more careful about this, at least for you," she said.

Carly nodded silently.

"I thought I smelled scrambled eggs! But these are the best scrambled eggs ever!" Michael Edward Ashton said as he came bounding into the kitchen. He was all dressed for church in khaki pants, a blue shirt and tie.

Lois laughed. "I aim to please!" she said as she emptied the entire pan of eggs onto a platter. "I'm going to set some aside for Molly to cool and then you can help yourself."

"Thanks Lois! Mom, you need to go get ready because we can't be late today because I am an acolyte," Michael said as he pulled a plate down from the cupboard.

"So, I guess the coin flip got decided. You should go and take Michael since he is acolyting. I'll stay here with Molly and Kristina," Lois said. She sent Carly an empathetic look with her words.

Carly just rolled her eyes as she made her way out of the kitchen.

XXXXXXXX

Sonny watched Alexis sleep. The fact that she was finally able to sleep was encouraging. It was definitely better than watching her sit bolt upright and gasp for air. That was what she had been doing in the ER after he had finally convinced her to let him take her back to the hospital. She had fought that at first. She was stubborn that way. Yet, as he reached down and brushed some auburn hair from her face, he knew it wasn't just that.

She still didn't trust him. That realization, or perhaps acceptance, was sobering and painful. Sonny supposed it begged another question. Had she ever trusted him? He wanted to believe she had, back when things had been good between them. When she had been his attorney, when Kristina had been conceived. Before he ruined it all. She had trusted him then, hadn't she? He wanted, no he needed, to believe she had. That gave him hope that perhaps he could find a way back to that place. Perhaps they could find a way back to that place.

He wasn't sure how they had gotten so far from there. Perhaps the simple answer was that he had chosen Ally. Except, honestly, Sonny thought he had really chosen Anthony. Ally and Ric seemed like a train wreck waiting for somewhere to derail. So, he had swooped in and saved Ally from the carnage, or maybe he had. He wasn't sure their three marriages had done her any favors, not really. He wanted to think that they had done Anthony favors. Anthony had always been happy when they had gotten back together. Except maybe the best thing he could have done for Anthony would have been to ensure no one ever knew he wasn't really Jason's son.

He hadn't expected Robin to reveal that truth, but maybe he should have. She had told him she felt like she was losing Jason to Ally. He assured her that Jason loved her, but maybe that had been his big mistake because the more he thought about all of that the more he questioned if that had been true. He had wanted it to be true, but maybe he had been in denial. That seemed to be a common theme for his life. Even so, he hadn't recognized Robin's desperation. Miguel had said people lied out of desperation, but it was the truth that Robin had turned to in her desperation. It was hard to fault that on principle. Or it was hard for him to fault that without being more of a hypocrite than he already was. So, he hadn't.

Instead, he had helped Ally do damage control. Eventually he bribed Anthony's biological father, Detective Marcus Taggert, to allow him to adopt Anthony in 2001. He had wanted to acknowledge that Anthony was his son, just like his brother Morgan who Ally had given birth to a few months earlier. Perhaps that was the problem, because perhaps Anthony really was meant to be Jason's son. The problem was that there wasn't really any way to fix it. It wasn't like he could give Anthony back, not after he became Daddy and Jason was Uncle Jason. It also wasn't like he could have given Jason Sam's baby in trade. Ally had accused him of that. But it hadn't been that way. He had just wanted to do the right thing, for Jason, for Sam. He had believed Jason loved Sam, maybe Jason even had although so much of what had happened after that called that into question. Sometimes Sonny liked to think that if baby Lila had lived that everything would have been ok. Jason would have been a good dad. Maybe things with Sam would have worked out differently. Maybe they would have stayed together. Maybe Sam wouldn't have lied about being Alexis's daughter or slept with Ric. Maybe he was just trying to avoid thinking about how much he had messed things up with Alexis. He probably was.

The hardest part was realizing that Alexis still didn't trust him. She didn't trust him to not take her daughters away. Sonny wanted to see Molly and Kristina as their daughters. He wanted Alexis to believe that he would never do anything to hurt them. He wanted Alexis to believe he knew that keeping them from their mother would hurt them. He had never doubted that. It was why he had only gone to court to ensure that he had a place in Kristina's life. He had never tried to take her from her mother.

Ric had originally filed for sole custody. Sole custody for a man who had slept with a woman he thought was his stepdaughter on his living room floor. Sole custody for a man who was more of a criminal than the people he sent away for twenty-five to life. Sonny had vowed that would never happen, and it hadn't. Officially Ric had decided to go along with social worker's recommendation that granted Alexis primary custody and Ric visitation. That was a little more generous than Sonny thought Ric deserved but it was convenient even if it did paint Ric in a more favorable light. Maybe Alexis even believed that Ric had been overcome in the moment to do the right thing. She had always been able to see any good there possibly was to see where Ric was concerned. Like she had with him, before he had ruined it all.

Sonny knew the truth though. He knew that Ric hadn't protested the social worker's recommendation because he stood too much to lose by doing that. Sonny knew because he was the one who would have enforced the consequences.

September 7, 2006

Gravel crunched under his SUV tires as Sonny made his way up the driveway to the lakehouse. Ric had bought the place in Brethen, on the west bank of the Charles River, after he married Alexis. Sonny had heard Alexis telling Viola how Ric had bought the house for them for a fresh start for their new family. It sounded good, except Sonny had heard the uncertainty wavering in her voice.

As he pulled up in front of the house Sonny finally saw what he had never noticed before, or perhaps never let himself notice. The entryway and breezeway were basically identical to house Trevor had owned on Martha's Vineyard. The house where his mother had believed her son had died. As he stepped down from his SUV Sonny wondered if that was really where it had all fallen apart. He had only been four, and he hadn't really understood. Now, years later, he was going to protect Alexis from the son of the man who had put the vacant look in his mother's eyes. There was some definite irony, Sonny thought with a wry chuckle.

Sonny had been about to reach for the screen door that led into the lakehouse when it opened, and Detective Cruz Rodriguez stepped out.

Cruz looked far from amused as he turned back to face Ric. "I'm a cop not your personal messenger service so you can file those papers with Judge Ward yourself."

"You work for me, Rodriguez, so you're going to do as you're told, or I'll have you back walking a beat in the warehouse district."

"I work for the people of Chapparal County and I doubt they have any more interest in your domestic disputes than I do. In the future, I think any meetings for court preparation should take place in your office in the courthouse. Have a nice day!"

Cruz didn't say anything more as he made his way over to the other SUV parked in the gravel driveway and got inside.

Sonny waited for him to start his truck before he got opened the lakehouse door and stepped inside. He would handle things with Ric, but he didn't need an audience.

"If you've come to try to fight Alexis's battles again, you're wasting your time. I'm not backing down on the custody issue. I'm not leaving my daughter with a woman who will always favor her older sister," Ric said as Sonny closed the door.

Sonny decided that trying to understand what irrational tangent Ric was rambling on would just waste time. He winced a little at his phrasing. He was quite sure he had picked it up from Alexis. Only she had been talking about his wife Ally. Ally was still his wife; they were just a bit estranged at the moment and she was living with Jasper Jacks. He really didn't want to think about that, so Sonny just reached into his left inner breast pocket and depressed play on the micro cassette recorder.

Suddenly Ric's voice boomed through the room. "There is no way that you turned up any evidence that would have cleared Jason of the Capelli and Beck murders. All of that evidence was destroyed two years ago. Trust me, I know, I'm the one who did it!"

Sonny smiled as Ric lunged at him grabbing for the recorder. He took a calm step back and then slowly pulled the recorder out of his pocket and handed it over. "What happened to asking nicely, Richard? Don't worry that is only a copy, and if Alexis loses custody of Molly then a copy of that tape will be going to the state bar, the Justice Department, and WLPC. It's your choice, choose wisely," he said.

As he opened the lakehouse door Sonny felt an overwhelming sense of calm. Maybe Dr. Baldwin was onto something with that Trileptal and lamictal combination.

He had backed Ric into a corner and Ric had caved. He had taken the loss and tried to salvage what was left of his career as District Attorney. But then that had come crashing down too. Yet, Sonny couldn't find any sympathy for his mother's younger son. Ric had made his own bed. It had been about time he was forced to lie in it.

Alexis shivered in her sleep and Sonny reached for the blanket the nurse had left on the chair and spread it out over her. He smiled as she seemed to settle at the added warmth. He would like to think it was his touch but that would probably be pushing it. He wondered if he told Alexis about what he had done a year ago if she would thank him or help Scott charge him with extortion. He had told her he trusted her, perhaps it was time to really come clean. Perhaps then she might start to believe that he would really do anything for their daughters, or for her.