Chapter 31: The Darkness Becomes Her

Alexis opened her eyes and then shut them quickly. The shades were up and the bright sun only made her head throb. Perhaps she had been wrong about the morning after being the worst, perhaps it was really the morning after the morning after.

"Lex?" Sonny's voice broke into her thoughts.

He had stayed. Alexis wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Actually, she was sure it wasn't a good thing because the last thing she should be doing was depending on a man she might be charged with prosecuting next year or even next month. Even if somehow, Diane Miller managed to keep Sonny out of the courtroom there was Ally. Sure, she was convinced that Jax was her whole world at the moment, but that would change. Jax would eventually tire of Ally's manipulations and if that didn't happen Ally would be sure to mess things up herself. Eventually Ally would find her way back to Sonny's bed. She always did. Alexis knew she was only fooling herself if she believed that wouldn't happen, or if she deluded herself that Sonny might turn Ally away. Yeah, that might happen, yeah right!

"Alexis, are you awake?" Sonny repeated.

"You should probably go back to the girls," Alexis said without opening her eyes.

"I checked in with Lois. They're fine. Kristina is working on a new world record for Sunday morning sleeping in and Molly is helping her make ravioli."

"This is another great example of why I do not want Lois raising my daughters! Who lets a two-year-old play with a can opener? Strike that, she isn't even two yet!"

"Lex, relax, any ravioli Lois is making won't be coming out of a can."

Right, because Lois isn't culinarily challenged. How could I forget? "That isn't the point!" Alexis asserted. She sat up in bed and winced as the room seemed to spin. She waited for Sonny to call her on it, because in truth it was exactly the point. Yet, he didn't say anything. He just sighed and then a few moments of silence passed.

"I told her she should bring the girls to visit once Kristina wakes up and has breakfast. Kristina will be concerned, and I think she needs to see that you're alright. I guess Lois was planning to come visit Keesha anyway. Brooklyn said that she and AJ had the baby. He's in the NICU but I guess he's doing as well as could be expected," Sonny said.

"She had the baby on Friday. Scott already told me. Perhaps you should have asked me before you just decided what was best for my daughters."

"I'm sorry. I just knew that once Kristina was awake, she would know something had happened. If you don't want to see her, I'll call Lois back, but I think she is just going to imagine that things are much worse than they are then. I can't see how that will be helpful," Sonny said.

On one level Alexis suspected he was probably right. On another level it would be much easier if Sonny could just tell them she had needed to go into work or something and that they were going to stay an extra night because she had a big case. Kristina would believe that. Or at least she would if Sonny told her because she believed anything her father said. Alexis couldn't remember if there had really been a time when Kristina had believed her unconditionally. She had reserved that degree of trust for Mark while they had been married and even now Alexis suspected that her own daughter probably trusted Mark more than her. Perhaps that was deserved. Perhaps…

"So, do you want me to call Lois?" Sonny asked.

"What I want you to do is to go home and tell Kristina that I had to work, and she can stay an extra night because I have a big case in the morning. That's what I want you to do!"

"Lex, I'd do pretty much anything for you, but I'm not going to lie to our daughter. I'm sorry."

Alexis rolled her eyes in frustration. "How positively noble of you!" she screamed. Screaming didn't really make her feel better though. Actually, it made her feel a lot worse as her chest got tighter and she started to cough. In that moment, as she leaned forward and gasped, she really regretted screaming at Sonny. She really, really regretted the whole situation as he raised the head of the bed and tried to guide her head back towards the pillows.

"Come on, just lay back and try to relax. Kristina is going to be fine," Sonny said.

Relax? How am I supposed to relax if I can't breathe? Alexis debated internally but she eventually allowed herself to collapse back against the pillows. She decided Sonny must have also hit the call bell when Liz Spencer appeared. That sounded like a better presumption than that her wheezing had carried all the way out to the nurse's station.

"I'll call the RT for an early treatment and let Dr. Hunter know that his idea to space to Q3 hours wasn't exactly the best idea he's had all morning. Unfortunately for other patients, I'm quite sure it also wasn't the worst idea he's had all morning either," Liz said before she turned and sauntered back out of the room.

Soon one of the respiratory therapists ambled in and hooked up that contraption that looked like a peace pipe of some sort. Alexis might have laughed at the absurdity of the thought and perhaps even her situation, but she just didn't have the ability. As she started to breathe in the mist she felt Sonny reach for and squeeze her hand. She could feel her heart racing, from the medicine she was sure, but she was a bit more able to get air in without coughing.

"That's better, much better," Sonny spoke softly as he gently rubbed her shoulders with his free hand.

Better? Hardly! Alexis thought. She didn't have the energy to challenge Sonny's optimistic assertion. She didn't even have the energy to pull away although perhaps that last part wasn't completely true. As sick and wrong as her rational mind was sure it must be, and it really was sure, once again she felt safe in Sonny's arms.

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Sonny watched as the albuterol mist seemed to relax the cough. Alexis looked tired and fragile but no longer quite so distressed. He supposed he would have to take that. "You're going to be ok, Alexis. You're doing a lot better now," he said.

Alexis turned her head slightly to meet his eyes. She gave him a washed out smile that seemed to convey just how weak she must feel. Her hand shook as she held the t-piece with the medicine in it.

Sonny reached out and took it from her fingers. "Is it better if I hold it?"

Alexis nodded.

"You're going to be ok, Lex. Just relax and breathe."

Sonny knew she had to be exhausted if she was letting him help her. Helpless wasn't in her vocabulary. She had told him that before, more than once actually. But then she had let him help her. She had let him hold her. Perhaps she had just been desperate then but at the time he had wanted to believe they had a connection. He still wanted to believe they had a connection. He regretted upsetting her in principle and certainly in the moment. He gave her hand another squeeze and watched her eyes droop closed. "You just rest, sweetheart. Don't worry about Kristina, I'll make sure she understands that mommy will be ok. You're going to be ok, Alexis, just rest."

She had to be ok. She had to be!