Don't ya know

by aprileagle

COMPLETE! Life can be hard. Especially when you are a teenager. When you see strange shadows. When you realize that you are a little bit different from the other girls in your class. When you recognize that you are in love with your best friend...

2. Chapter 1: Just a normal girl

Chapter one: Just a normal girl...

The sun shone from an endless sky. It was incredible hot. Not even the slightest wind puff could be felt. Nevertheless the park was crowded. Many peoples went in the shadows the huge trees spent. They talked and laughed and chatted, didn't even hear the singing of the birds any longer. Gossip was what brought them out of their houses. Gossip, the heath of the summer and the hope to have a little bit fun this afternoon. To go out with their families or their friends. To forget for a little while the stress they normally had at school, at work or at home.

Normally the park was quiet at this time. Most people who came here came in the early morning hours or in the evening – before or after work. Only retired people could spend the whole day near the coast. Feeding the birds, talking to their grandchildren, watching them play, singing a little song for them. But today it was different. Today a big funfair took place here. Here at the outer district of Crystal Tokyo. Little children rode on dozen of roundabouts. On wooden horses. On wooden cars. On wooden bikes. Delicious meals were served all over the place just as nice, cold drinks. Some people tried their luck to get a fish out of the small swimming pools. But most of them failed and the fish jumped happily back from their broken spoons into the shimmering water again. A lot of people wore their traditional clothes: Kimonos and looked really beautiful. More than one family father used the chance to take thousands of photos of his beloved wife and his cute children.

The greatest event of the whole funfair was a big dipper. A really, really big one. You had to squint against the sun to see its top. People screamed out loud when the array of red cars seemed to crash down from the top to the ground – just to be stopped in an arrow bend. There was a long queue in front of the counters and people chatted excitedly while they looked more than once a little bit scared up to the huge dipper.

"Are you really sure that you want to drive it?"

Two girls were standing near the counter. They waited now for almost an hour. A lot of time to listen to the other people's screams. And a lot of time to think of their own destiny in those cars.

"Of course!"

The smaller girl turned to her friend and grinned happily. A white balloon floated over their heads. It looked like a bunny holding some red hearts in its paws. The balloon looked really like kitsch. It hobbled up and down while the girl moved, because it was tied to her right hand.

"Or are you afraid, Taru?" The grin grew wider and two pink plaids flew through the air as the younger girl laughed. "Is my sweet Taru a little coward?"

"Coward?" The taller girl turned around and started to tickle her best friend. Dark eyes sparkled and dark, shoulder long hairs fell into a blushed face as they both danced out of the queue. The smaller girl squeaked and tried to escape. But her best friend was faster.

"Mercy!" she gasped and the string of the balloon was now twisted tightly around her wrist. The balloon danced even crazier in the air and both girls burst out into laughter as some other people stared idly at them.

"Will you behave yourself? You know, I promised your mother to take care for you, little darling." Smirked the taller girl and they both returned into the queue again. They didn't want to lose their positions they fought for during the past hour.

"Tenô Hotaru!" shouted the pink haired girl and tried hard to look shocked. "I am fifteen now. I am old enough to take care for myself!"

Hotaru only chuckled and raised her head again to look for the umpteenth time up to the big dipper. She gulped as the red cars crashed down again and people started again terrified to scream. Then she turned around and saw that Chibiusa looked at the car with the same mixed feelings. She winced slightly as the screaming started again.

"Sure?" whispered Hotaru but her best friend didn't hear her.

Today was Chibiusa's fifteenth birthday and they all decided to celebrate it first at the funfair and later on in the Crystal Palace. Just with her friends and her family. Before the official celebrating would begin tomorrow. An endless celebrating Chibiusa wasn't very keen on. She had to wear her best clothes, a long, white dress she hated the most, and she had to sit down and be quiet the whole time. While different important people would say important speeches she didn't want to hear. And she would get boring presents. Another dress. Or a huge puppet. Although she wasn't a little child any longer. Or - the worst - a diary. Hotaru knew Chibiusa's curious mother and knew that it was senseless to write a diary. And that this wasn't her best friend's style. Whenever Chibiusa had problems or there was something that made her think a lot about she had to talk about. She couldn't keep silent and hide it in a diary. That was simply not her style.

Hope she'll like my present.

Hotaru clenched her hands around her back bag and watched how Chibiusa raised automatically her left hand to stroke some strands behind her ears that escaped her plaids. Braided plaids that laid now over her shoulders and partly covered the picture on her t-shirt. A white t-shirt with a cute horse on top of it. No, not a normal horse, but a Pegasus. A horse with huge wings and a golden horn on its head. Hotaru frowned but didn't want to think of its meaning.

Helios.

She didn't know why but she didn't like that guy. And she didn't like to be remembered that he once had transformed into such a Pegasus and was for a short time Chibiusa's best friend. He and not Hotaru who had been too small that time to remember. But she heard what her parents told about that boy. And the queen, of course.

A slight breeze went through Chibiusa's yellow skirt but she didn't notice it. She was too occupied with all the screaming people up in the small cars.

Little darling.

Hotaru was happy that Chibiusa wanted to go to the funfair - with her. Of course all the others were in the park, too, but every roundabout they had to drive they drove together. The taller girl sighed slightly. She didn't have many friends. Not as many as Chibiusa and she was happy over every minute she could spend with the princess of Crystal Tokyo.

The big dipper stopped and they went nearer to the counter. The next turn and they would be allowed to get into those little cars and up over the park. To scream, too. And hopefully to have a lot of fun.

Hotaru looked around and grinned as she saw a familiar shadow within the mass. A little girl of six years sat on her daddy's shoulders. Her blonde hairs touched her back and her blue eyes shone happily. She had a huge ice cream in her left hand and waved excitedly with her right one at her. Hotaru's smile grew wider and she winked her sister back. Her daddy didn't notice it. She talked to Hotaru's mommy and they both smiled tenderly at each other. Another person with long blonde hairs followed them and talked without any interruption. About twenty feet behind walked a beautiful woman with blue hairs. She held a book in her hands and nodded while her daughter waved her own ice cream and laughed.

My family.

Hotaru sighed slightly.

I love them.

"It's our turn." Whispered Chibiusa and looked suddenly very pale. Hotaru blinked and before she could reply anything she felt how Chibiusa took her hand and they went over to the little cars. The princess's hand was suddenly cold and Chibiusa looked very nervous as she tied her balloon to the handrail to get it back after their ride.

"Everything okay?" asked Hotaru as she climbed next to her best friend on the seat. It was strangely soft and Hotaru gulped as they took on their seatbelts.

"Sure." Answered Chibiusa with a very quiet voice and gulped, too. "I am grown up now. I am fifteen and I am able to drive with that big dipper at last." She said and gulped again. "I am not a little child any longer."

"I know, little darling. You don't have to prove it."

"Not?" Chibiusa turned her head and there was panic in her pink eyes. "Then let's get out!" suddenly she was very busy to unfast her seatbelt. But it couldn't be removed any longer, the big dipper started again. The cars moved and they drove slowly, very slowly upwards.

"Too late." Hotaru took a deep breath and turned her head to see how the queue and all the other people got tinier and tinier.

"I wanna go out..." suddenly Chibiusa wasn't any brave any longer. Suddenly she didn't look like the cheeky hero any longer she had been during the past hour. "I wanna..." she sobbed and looked suddenly again like a small child. Hotaru turned towards her and smiled understanding. She was a little bit pale, too.

"I wanna..."

"Hey, little darling, it'll be fun. Believe me." She whispered and carefully laid her hand over Chibiusa's. The next moment the princess grabbed for it and held it determinedly tight.

"I am fifteen and I am old enough. I am fifteen and I am old enough. I am fifteen and..." started Chibiusa suddenly to talk. Over and over again. Hotaru only grinned and squeezed the hand softly. At that moment they reached the highest point and the cars got faster and faster until they started to fall.

"... am fifteen and I am ooooooooolllllldddddddddddddd..." Chibiusa's scream could be heard all over the park. But it wasn't louder than the screams of the people sitting behind them. Hotaru took another deep breath as the ground came nearer and nearer. Quicker and quicker. But not because of the high speed. Not because of her own fears. And surely not because of the seatbelt tightened around her body. She gasped for breath as Chibiusa wrapped her arms around her and squeezed her very hard. As if she wanted to strangulate her. Still the princess screamed but got quieter as the cars slowed down a little bit. Until she saw the looping.

"Taruuuuuuuuu!" Chibiusa held her tighter as the cars made their way, now faster again, up again and soon they stood on their heads and the whole world swirled around. Hotaru didn't scream. She didn't make any other sound. She only embraced her little darling, too and smiled. Suddenly she wished that this drive would never end. Although Chibiusa would have surely disagreed.

"Wanna oooouuuuuutttt!" Another looping and again the whole world turned upside down. Hotaru froze as she felt the strange feeling again. She turned her head and the whole world seemed to have stopped. Chibiusa still screamed and Hotaru could still hear the other people shouting. She could still feel the cars moving. But it all was unreal with a sudden. Hotaru turned her head and saw a familiar shadow standing next to great dipper. Right beside the balloon still floating in the air.

Nani?

Hotaru frowned but the next moment the shadow was gone and the cold disappeared from her body.

What does that mean?

Suddenly the tall girl was shaking and felt very, very sick. It was seldom that she saw this shadow and mostly nasty things happened afterwards. Sometimes she was able to prevent them. But only sometimes.

"Thanks goddess, it stopped!" Chibiusa freed herself out of Hotaru's embracement and stumbled out of the car. She almost kneeled down and kissed the earth. But a slight groaning held her back. Let her remember that she wasn't all alone at the funfair. She turned around and saw Hotaru still sitting in the car. She looked very, very pale and trembled. She had wrapped her arms around her own waist and stared with a terrified look in her eyes at her own feet.

"Taru?" Chibiusa was by her side the next moment and shook her. "Taru?" Her best friend blinked and raised her head. Chibiusa gulped as she saw tears shinning in dark eyes. "Taru? Everything okay?" she asked and helped her out. Hotaru looked scared around but calmed herself down as she saw that the shadow disappeared between the people, or even better, into nothing again.

Nothing will happen. It was alone this time.

Hotaru still shivered and didn't realize that a warm hand took her cold one and that she was guided away from the big dipper.

There were no persons next to it. No one I knew. No one at all.

Hotaru took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment.

"Taru?" the high voice brought her back from her dark thoughts. "Taru, I am so sorry. It's all my fault. Gomen, Taru, I shouldn't have taken you on the big dipper. I knew that you was afraid and... to be honest... I was afraid, too. It was foolish and..." Hotaru raised her head and saw tears sparkling in pink eyes. Chibiusa looked really desperate and the balloon over her head seemed to float quieter and slower than normal. It seemed to look very sad, too.

"... it's all my fault and I shouldn't have..."

"Hush, little darling." Hotaru managed to smile although she felt really miserable. After all this was her best friend's birthday and they wanted to celebrate it today. This was not a day of moaning. It wasn't a day of being sad and thinking of the unsteady future and that someone might die. Of the strange shadow she always saw whenever something really bad was going to happen.

"But I am old enough to think and..." sobbed Chibiusa and Hotaru squeezed the little hand that still laid trustfully in her icy one.

"Do you want an ice cream?"

Chibiusa looked up and her whole face brightened up. She wiped away her tears and nodded. Again happy.

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"Why don't I get my present today?" Chibiusa looked up to the dark sky, holding a huge teddy bear tight in her arms. She had seen it some hours ago and it took Hotaru all her skills of throwing the balls against heavy tins to win it. The princess had been out of her mind because of joy and carried the teddy bear now proudly around.

"I already got my presents from my parents this morning and when I look at the bags your daddy has in her Ferrari I am sure that they'll have something for me, too." Chibiusa's smile froze in astonishment as the firework exploded in the dark sky. It was almost midnight and they all stayed at the funfair to see the firework. Hotaru looked around and saw her parents standing near. Miyuki, her little sister, slept deep and tight on her daddy's back. She was simply too young to stay up so long. Her mother stepped nearer and kissed her wife tenderly. Hotaru smiled loving. Then she glanced over at another sleepy girl. Mayumi yawned deeply and held her mother's hand. It was too dark to read, so doctor Ami didn't read any longer. She looked with the same astonished expression on her face up to the endless sky. She surely knew everything about fireworks. What they were made of. How they worked. That this wasn't a miracle. But nevertheless she let herself being taken away by the magic of this moment. Mayumi raised her other hand and grabbed for the sleeve of a long, glittering dress. The famous singer Minako looked shortly down and smiled loving down at her best friend's daughter before she took the tiny hand into her own one, too.

My family.

Hotaru heard tender giggle and looked into the other direction. Between all those people stood the king and the queen of Crystal Tokyo. Like two shinning stars in the darkness. Their people adored them and although they wanted to be treated just like normal people when they were outside the palace they automatically got a better place to watch the firework. People greeted them and more than once queen Usagi got a present from a happy smiling woman or a cute little child. Her husband had wrapped her arms around her and whispered into her ear. She giggled and messed his hairs before they watched the firework, too.

I love them.

Hotaru looked again around but she couldn't see the others. They weren't gone yet. But there were so many people in the park that the tall girl missed them.

"I mean... did you forget my birthday? I would understand that..." said Chibiusa still staring at the red and silver rockets exploding and forming sparkling flowers.

I'd never forget your birthday, little darling.

"No." Laughed Hotaru and stepped a little bit nearer. It got colder after sundown and the grass beneath her feet was now wet. Hotaru could feel Chibiusa's warm body right next to her own one. "I want to celebrate your birthday at home. Next weekend. Maybe you can ask you parents if you could stay..."

Chibiusa turned around for a brief moment and grinned. Then she nodded understanding.

"Of course they'll allow it. As long as they'll never find out that you own the biggest horror video collection one could ever imagine." She giggled and squeezed the teddy again. "That'll be great." Suddenly Chibiusa was excited and could hardly wait until the next weekend. She loved it to stay for a night at her best friend's house. It was always so lively there. Most of her aunts were there. Almost all the time. Hotaru's parents once told them whenever they had a problem or simply needed a place to go they could come to them. So Minako who already recorded a CD with Haruka and Michiru and even with Sejya was there whenever she wasn't on tour. And of course Mayumi spent almost all her time there. Whenever her mother was in the hospital and Minako not around. She was Hotaru's sister's best friend and they both behaved like sisters. Chibiusa grinned as she remembered how Sejya was there the last time, too. And how Haruka and he argued again. It had been funny because they never really argued with each other. They didn't hurt each other, just teased each other around. Until a giggling Michiru told them to be quiet and to take care for the children.

It's more lively there as in the palace.

Of course the Crystal palace was a loud place, too. With Usagi being the queen it couldn't be quiet. But there was the etiquette and a lot of people Chibiusa hardly knew or didn't want to know. Some political people. Important but boring. Her aunts were there, too, but it was simply another feeling being at Hotaru's house. There was no one who said what to do. How to do it. How to sit. How to eat. How to breath. That was why Chibiusa's parents often flew from the Crystal palace, too and then Haruka declared giggling that she was happy that they had such a big house.

"Will I get my present then?" asked Chibiusa innocently and her eyes grew wide as sparkling light fell down like a waterfall. It simply looked beautiful and she let out a small sigh as another rocket exploded. It looked for some seconds like a huge swan. In a lake. The princess shivered slightly and held her teddy automatically tighter.

"Guess." Hotaru's voice was low and a little bit shaky. "But only if you had enough time to unwrap all those presents you got from your parents and the rest of Japan."

Hope you'll like it.

Hotaru took a deep breath and stepped even closer to her trembling princess. Chibiusa only wore her t-shirt and the skirt. But she had no pullover. Not even sockets. It was midnight and although it was a hot summer the air was colder now.

Her present wasn't as big as the other she got today. It fitted into a very small box and Hotaru was still unsure if it was the right decision. If she shouldn't buy a CD or a book Chibiusa wanted and forget about the little box.

I have it for over four years now.

Hotaru sighed again and forced herself to look from her best friend's back up to the sparkling sky. More and more flowers exploded and the people gasped for breath as they formed now a grown. And a moon. To symbolise the kingdom of Japan. The Crystal kingdom. And its rulers.

I should tell her. I should simply tell her how I feel.

Hotaru gulped and saw now a big bird on the sky. It looked like an eagle. With strong wings. Simply flying through the air.

She's now fifteen. She will understand.

Although Hotaru had little hope that Chibiusa would return her feelings.

Or shall I wait for another year?

She sighed again and winced as a warm body was suddenly leant against her own one. Slowly she lowered her head and looked into sparkling pink eyes. They were now deeper in the night. And darker.

"That's a great firework, Taru." Whispered Chibiusa and watched again the exploding sky. Hotaru wrapped her arms around her best friend and felt the fur of the teddy bear. She smiled and simply leaned her head against Chibiusa's to see a huge rose made out of thousands of red rockets floating over their heads. There were more "ahs" and "ohs" in the mass. Hotaru smiled and closed her eyes as she felt Chibiusa's warm hands on her own ones.

"Hai, it's great, little darling." Whispered the tall girl and enjoyed every second. Wanting desperately to stop time. To stand here forever. With her best friend. With her little darling. With the princess of Crystal Tokyo who meant everything to her.

I want so badly to tell you that I love you, little darling.

"Hai, it is."

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"... and so the hero took the sword and..."

Hotaru browsed in her book and looked bored at the ancient pictures in it. Japanese history. With Tamamodo-sama. It was incredible that someone could take something that happened a long time ago to a single person so seriously. Hotaru lowered her head and looked silently around. Her classmates seemed to be as bored as she was and more than one pair of eyes watched desperately at their watches. Counting the minutes that remained until school would finish today. Again the sun was shinning and it promised to be another hot day. Hotaru turned another page and smiled. She didn't see the old samurai standing on a hill, a sword in his hands. She saw her best friend who agreed this morning laughing to go with her to the beach. Hotaru loved the water and the endless sea. And there was nothing nicer in her life than being at the beach, walking along the sand, feeling the warm water on her feet - together with an always talking Chibiusa by her side.

"... and then the old man turned around and said to..."

No one really listened. Normally Hotaru was more active in their lessons. Normally she listened. But normally they had better teachers and a more interesting subjects.

Something hit her head and crumbled paper fell in her book. Hotaru heard the laughter but didn't turn around to look who threw the paper. It was obviously that it had been Akane who sat at the wall. Hotaru herself sat near the opened window and enjoyed the breeze playing with her black hairs. Mostly she wore dark clothes because she liked them best. But today she only sweated and wanted to get into the pleasant water of the ocean.

Hotaru opened the crumbled paper and her face was emotionless as she threw it to the ground. She was sure that it had been Akane. A cute girl with red hairs who didn't like her. Since the first day they went to school Akane hated her. For something Hotaru couldn't remember to have done.

Witch.

Only one single word was written with a neat writing on the blank paper. Hotaru sighed slightly and turned another paper around. She didn't understand why some girls of her class hated her that much. More than once they had tried to attack her. With mug. With dirt. Even with stones. They argued with her and let no chance out to humiliate her - in front of the teacher if they could.

Witch.

Hotaru turned another page without really looking at her book any longer. She was calmer than all the other girls. She liked dark, inconspicuous clothes. She was intelligent and one of the class's best pupils. She liked it to read books and to listen to music. And she never talked about cute boys. Hotaru knew that she was different. She saw things her classmates would never see. Shadows walking around. She could do things other couldn't. Once, it had been in her first year at school, another girl fell from a tree and injured her leg. It bleed a lot and the girl cried. Hotaru who had thought that this power was normal, went over to the crying girl and laid her hands on her knee. The pain went away. Just like the wound. But what remained was the hate in the girl's eyes. The lack of trust. And the fear. Since that day Akane fell off the tree she was Hotaru's worst enemy. She often called her witch and tried to hurt her. There were some other people around Akane who hated Hotaru, too.

"You're just a bloody..." whispered Akane so loud that everyone could hear it. Only the teacher seemed to be deaf. She kept reading and reading and didn't look away from the book she was holding.

"Oh, shut up, Akane and read!" snapped another girl who sat right behind Hotaru and looked again at her watch. Akane went red but kept silent. Hotaru only smiled a little bit and turned another page in boredom.

The red haired girl hated her. Just like the club around her. But there were some other people in class left who had a little bit more intelligence. They didn't talk very much to her and surely they weren't people Hotaru would call good friends, but they accepted her the way she was and left her in peace. She had no problem to find a partner for a physical test among them and when they had to do a dialogue in English two or three girls always wanted to be her partner because she could speak the foreign language very well.

No wonder, I visited so many other countries to together with mommy and daddy...

Hotaru put her book away and took a pencil to play with it. She turned her head and looked out of the window. Soft wind played with the leaves of the trees and thin clouds floated over the blue sky.

I don't need them. I don't need friends. As long as I have my little darling.

She smiled and winced madly as someone tipped her shoulder. She spun around and stared confused at the teacher who looked strict at her.

"Tenô-san, I just asked you what the hero did then." Her eyes sparkled and the book trembled in her hands as she walked towards Hotaru who started to sweat. She didn't listen the whole hour and didn't even have the slightest idea which hero her teacher was talking about.

"Well..." said Hotaru and Akane's ugly laughter filled the classroom for some seconds. "Guess you don't even know it." She shouted and pointed at Hotaru who looked angrily back.

"Do you know it, Tsuraga-san?" Now the teacher turned towards Akane who got very pale with a sudden and looked the same helpless.

At that moment the school clock started to ring and rescued them all.

"And don't forget to read chapter six and seven until the next lesson." Shouted the teacher while people hurried out of the room. It had been their last lesson and they all had other things in mind than reading a stupid book over the past. Written by an even stupider author.

Hotaru put her things carefully into her bag and glanced for some seconds at her apple. Before she cleaned it on the sleeve of her uniform. She saw at the rims of her eyes that Akane passed by. She heard how she growled a hateful "witch" but she pretended not to hear it.

Quickly the room emptied and slowly Hotaru left it, too. She bit into her apple and pulled one letter out of her skirt pockets. It was slightly crumbled. There were three letters she had discovered this morning in the mailbox before she got to school. Three letters that could decide over her destiny. She was very good at school. The best of her class. Maybe the best pupil at the whole school. At least in the subjects that were interesting for her: Such as languages, maths, physics and biology. She used to do a lot of sports, too, but now she wasn't allowed to take part at that lesson any longer.

Tokyo.

Because she was so good at biology her headmaster had asked her if she didn't want to send an application for a school year at another school. At a school preparing very good pupils for university. To become a very good student. And - as in Hotaru's case - to become a very good doctor. Just like aunt Ami already was. That was Hotaru's dream after all her hopes being the champion in racing a car or jumping into the water died away two years ago.

Kyoto.

Hotaru was now sixteen and a half year old. One year at that special school and one year back at her normal school to finish it and she would go to a real university. First she hadn't been sure if she should really ask for a place there. They only took really good pupils and it was very hard to learn there. Her daddy only asked her if she wanted it. If she really wanted to go to such a school. Haruka didn't doubt that they would take her daughter. She told Hotaru that she could go to such a school if she really wanted it. She shouldn't think about the high school money they would have to pay for her visit there. They could afford it.

America.

Hotaru wrote to three private schools. Her teacher gave her the addresses. One was in the centre of Crystal Tokyo, another one in Kyoto. That was a little bit away from her home but it was still in Japan. The last school was far away. Over the ocean. In another land. On another continent. America. She didn't know why she wrote them, too. Maybe because she had doubted that anyone would take her. That she was still too bad for a private school. But as she ripped them open while she waited the first lesson to begin she had to see that they all wanted her. That she was accepted. In Tokyo as in Kyoto as in America. They congratulated her to her good choice and that they needed the answer within the next week because the new school year would start the next months. That would mean less vacations for Hotaru but she knew that it would be worth it.

Now I only have to decide for which one.

She would talk to her parents but she already knew that she would stay in Tokyo. With her family and with her friends. With her best friend.

"Taru!"

Hotaru smiled and put the envelope away. She turned around and looked into a redden face. The princess panted and held her heavy school bag in her hands. She didn't have that many books for school in it, but a lot of mangas and other stuff she thought she needed at school - especially in the breaks.

"Taru..." she gasped and stopped next to her.

Normally Chibiusa as the princess of Crystal Tokyo would get her own private lessons at home. At the Crystal palace. From private teachers. But her parents decided against. They both remembered their youth and how funny school had been. Especially Usagi remembered her school time - together with Rei, Minako, Ami and Makoto. She didn't want that her daughter missed that time and so they sent her to a public school.

"Gomen that I am late, but I couldn't find my pencil..." panted Chibiusa and shortly winked at some girls who were at the other side of the school yard. They winked back, happily smiling and finally left the school. "... and then my rubber..."

Chibiusa found easily friends. She was outgoing and even if she did something wrong no one could be angry with her. And she was the princess of Crystal Tokyo. No one would argue with her. Sometimes Chibiusa was sad about that fact. That some people were only kind to her because she was the princess, the future ruler of Crystal Japan. But whenever she saw her best friend she knew that there were also people who liked her for what she really was. For her person, not for a title.

"... and I got a phone call from home..." again Chibiusa panted and calmed herself slowly down. She reached inside her bag and drank some gulps of her coke bottle. Hotaru only shook her head as Chibiusa offered her the drink. So Chibiusa only shrugged her shoulders and emptied the bottle. "There's something up at home and I should come right back after school. Gomen, Taru, I wanted to go swimming with you, really, but.. well.. you know... politics..." Chibiusa made a depressed face and her long pink hairs she had bound to one plaid jumped over her shoulders as she shook her head. "Surely I have to sit down and be quiet the whole afternoon inside the palace while an old, boring president of China or so who wants to talk to my parents..."

China has an emperor. For ten years now, little darling.

But Hotaru would have never corrected her best friend. She knew how little Chibiusa knew about politics and knew that her own mother, queen Usagi, knew even less. But she was always friendly to the great men and women around her table and while her husband solved problems with the lands Usagi solved trouble with the family or the friends of the important persons.

"Imagine, Taru... the sun is shinning and I have to sit inside that palace..." Chibiusa sighed deeply and looked now really sad. And a little bit angry. Then she shrugged her shoulders. "Guess I should hurry up. The taxi is surely waiting for me." Chibiusa took her bag and together they hurried towards the exit. "Do you wanna use the taxi, too? My parents pay it anyway."

"No, arigato, little darling." Smiled Hotaru and saw the taxi already standing there. Suddenly she felt disappointed. She had been happy and excited the whole morning to go swimming with Chibiusa. And now she would go home instead. Making her homework and trying to think again over the letters she received. Because going alone to the beach, that wasn't the same. It wasn't funny. She wanted her best friend being with her at the beach or she wouldn't go there at all.

"Gomen, Taru, but I have to go now." Shortly they squeezed their hands. Then Chibiusa ran towards the cab and jumped into it. With beating her head and cursing heavily. Hotaru giggled although she felt suddenly very alone. She waved her hand a little bit while the taxi drove away and disappeared behind the next bend.

"See ya later, little darling."

She turned around and walked slowly away. Automatically she reached inside her other pocket and put the headphones over her ears. Soon tender music filled her ears and she hummed silently to the melody in her mind. It was a violin accompanied by a piano. She knew the music. She had heard it all of her life. She grew up with it. Her parent's music.

Mommy. Daddy.

She looked into the shop windows without really seeing the shimmering products behind. She didn't see her own face reflected in the window's glass. She only saw her parents. Her secret heroes. Okay, there were times she wanted to shoot them up to the moon, too. But mostly she adored them. How they loved each other. How they were always so nice and kind to all those crazy aunts and uncles. How they cared for their children.

Hotaru gulped while she crossed the road together with a lot of other people.

She would never forget that day she found out that she was adopted. That her mother died during her birth and that her real father died because of an accident when she was still a baby. That Haruka and Michiru simply took her into her house and made it a home for her. That they adopted her and took care for her as if she was her real daughter.

My dear daddy...

Hotaru found out about it by chance. She discovered an old photo of a loving smiling man with white hairs. Who held a little child in his arms - Hotaru at the age of two months. On the backside was written with a strange writing Hotaru didn't now: My daughter, Tomoe Hotaru.

My dear mommy...

That had been the time when Michiru lost her child and the doctors declared her that she was too weak to carry a child. That her body simply refused it. At that moment Hotaru, who had silently asked herself why her mommy wasn't able to get children when she already got her, understood. She only looked at the picture and understood.

I love you.

Haruka didn't have to ask what happened as she saw the picture in Hotaru's lap when she returned that evening. Michiru had been on tour to recover from the loss of her child and by that time it had been Haruka who went more often to the hospital - in secret. She didn't want to concern her wife if the second attempt to get a child together would fail, too.

I love you so much.

Hotaru would never forget how her daddy took her in her arms that evening and comforted her. How she told her the story about her real father and why Michiru and she had decided to raise Hotaru. There had been a strange look in her daddy's eyes and for the first time Hotaru could remember she saw tears shinning in them. But the voice had been very clear as Haruka said determinedly that her Himme-chan would be her daughter forever. That it didn't matter to her if Michiru or she had given birth to her, but that she loved her the way only a daddy could love her. That this love would never change and that she belonged to the Tenô family. Not only by her adopted name.

Arigato.

Hotaru smiled and her fingers played with the string of her headphones. Her mommy told her the same when she came back some weeks later. And the longer Hotaru watched Minako playing loving and teasing with Mayumi she understood what her daddy had meant that evening. That blood didn't matter. That all that made a real family were feelings. Deep feelings. Love.

Witch!

She heard the angry voice very quiet through her music and didn't turn around. She knew that Akane stood somewhere near. Maybe on the other side of the road. Surely she was shopping with her so called friends and discovered her while leaving one shop.

Whore!

But she didn't let herself being provoked by them. Only once she lost her temper and almost broke Akane's right arm. She almost got expelled from school and her parents were very concerned. But they had been more concerned about her daughter than about Akane as the headmaster told Hotaru later. The old lady still smiled whenever she talked about how her daddy came into the room and declared the headmaster with a loud, raging voice that no one was allowed to call her daughter a witch. That it wasn't Hotaru's fault. That the other girl was too mean and simply too stupid. Her mommy had calmed her down with one look and a gentle touch. The headmaster laughed when she told Hotaru that it wasn't really her fault. That she simply inherited her daddy's hot temper.

Can't you hear me?

No, she couldn't. She never wanted to hear Akane's high, squeaking voice again. Hardly anyone knew that her daddy was a woman. Just like her mommy. Hotaru knew what it meant. To be a lesbian. That a normal family looked more like Chibiusa's family: A real father, a mother and a child. But she loved her parents and it didn't matter to her whether they were two women or a man and a woman. The older she got the more she understood them. And she loved them. Deeply. Nothing could destroy that love to her parents. And the longer she lived together with Ami, Minako and Mayumi, the better she got to know uncle Sejya and the more she learned about her classmates' parents she knew that "normal" was just a small word that could fill millions of meanings.

But for Akane everything about her seemed to be not normal. Her healing powers, even if they were tiny. Her ignorance towards the cutest boys. Her good grates. Everything that seemed to be a little bit different from Akane's way of life was pervert for the red haired girl. And so was Hotaru. And almost half of the rest of the class.

Hey, you silly...

Just once when there had been another season of the formula one Akane who disliked cars a lot since one killed her beloved cat, told Hotaru that her daddy was stupid. That driving around in a big car was stupid. That her daddy could kill an innocent pet, too. That her daddy was a murderer. First Hotaru tried to explain her that there were no animals on the race track. And that it was a sport and Akane didn't have to like it. But that a lot of people liked it. Just like foot ball. Or swimming. Or riding. But that moment Akane called Hotaru's beloved daddy a killer she simply snapped. Hotaru beat her and soon Akane sat there on the dirty ground and cried loudly that her nose was bleeding.

You...

That had been now four years ago. When they both had been twelve. It had been the climax of their hate. They both got punished and after Hotaru spent some months in hospital two years ago she knew that she wouldn't triumph over the red haired girl again. That it was better to ignore her and to simply walk away. As she wanted to do this time.

I should make my homework and try to tidy up my room.

Although Chibiusa's room was the same chaos Hotaru didn't want her best friend to stumble over her dirty clothes when she would come this Friday to spend the night there. Watching horror movies and eating crisps. And giggling the whole evening.

Hopefully she'll be giggling.

Hotaru sighed deeply and doubted again if her plan was indeed so good. She stopped and now rock music filled her ears. A tender voice filled her ears, singing of a lost love. Of someone he loved and who simply walked away. It was uncle Sejya's voice. It was one of his greatest successes.

She likes this chocolate, too.

Hotaru put some strands of her black hairs behind her ears and looked through the shop window down at different kinds of chocolates. Being made in different forms and colours. They simply looked delicious and Hotaru who didn't have anything to eat but her apple for lunch felt how her stomach started to hurt.

How much money do I have...

Hotaru searched for her purse in her bag and counted the coins. Chibiusa was always bust. Whenever she got pocket money she spent it the next day. Or at least until the next weekend. It had been her luck that her mother paid the whole funfair, all those drives on the roundabouts and the big dipper, all those ice creams and chocolate and many tickets. Hotaru giggled at the memory how Chibiusa often stood in front of manga store and was very sad because she didn't have enough money for the newest manga or a cute figure of the newest top anime. Often Hotaru bought them secretly and to see Chibiusa's surprised face was it worth.

A satisfied smile appeared on Hotaru's face as she saw that the money in her little purse was enough to buy a very cute chocolate figure. The shouting outside her headphones died away, Akane seemed to be gone. Surly she got bored and went away.

Then let's buy...

Hotaru stopped at the moment as she felt the familiar cold she hated so much raising inside her body. A big lump suddenly laid in her stomach and she felt very ill. Cold sweat covered her pale face and slowly, very slowly she raised her head. And stared at the shadow who grinned at her in the window.

No...

Hotaru gasped hard for breath as she saw that the shadow wasn't alone this time. This time there were two persons next to it. It held their hands and nodded towards them. Understanding..

No...

Hotaru's eyes grew wide but she didn't recognize them. There were two persons standing next to the shadow Hotaru hated and feared the most in her life. A beautiful woman with long, bright blue hairs and a long, light blue dress. She looked not older than thirty five. The man next to her had laid his hands on her shoulders and looked loving down at her. His hairs were nearly white, but he wasn't a day older than she was. His dark eyes sparkled and they kissed. Not being aware of the shadow standing next to them.

"No!" screamed Hotaru and ripped the headphones from her head. She knocked at the window pane to get through. To save the strangers she had never seen before in her life. Two persons she knew would die within the next hours. Maybe even minutes? She didn't know. She didn't think. She only knocked at the glass. Tears streaming over her face. Her whole body trembled and she felt so sick that she wanted to throw up her breakfast.

"No..." she sobbed and shook her head fiercely. "Please..."

At that moment the door was pushed open and a thick man with pink red head stood right next to her.

"What do you do with my shop's window?" he asked with a dangerous quiet voice and looked very angry down at her.

Hotaru blinked and looked terrified at him. Feeling how much her hands hurt.

"Stay away from my window, girl. Do you have an idea how much that costs!" Now the man was shouting at her but she didn't hear him. She only shook her head again and looked back into the window. But all she could see was the chocolate lying there. There was no shadow any longer. No loving couple being unaware of their dark future.

"No..." gasped Hotaru but was pushed away by the man as she tried to touch the window again. He shouted again at her but still she didn't hear him.

I am too late.

She knew that there was no hope for the couple when the shadow was gone.

No...

Her crying increased and without looking at the fat man again she took her bag into her trembling hands and ran away. Simply ran away. Wishing to be as fast as she had been just two years ago. But even then she hadn't been able to escape the nightmares that were haunting her down - even at day.

No...

There had never been the slightest chance to escape the shadow. And this time, there wasn't even the slightest chance to help. That was even worse.

dbdbdb

It was almost dusk when she reached the light house by the sea. Her home. Since she could remember. A slight smile formed on her pale face and she stopped for a moment to watch it. It stood right at the beach, surrounded by a green oasis. Her mommy planted lots of trees and since her auntie Mako came to them time by time the flowers bloomed. Rare roses and other flowers in all colours Hotaru could imagine. In summer it was a real paradise and Hotaru knew why auntie Ami learned there for her exams. It was calm there and no one disturbed her thoughts. The road near the house was bending. Hardly a car passed by. They lived outside Crystal Tokyo. About ten miles away from the big city that couldn't be seen from here.

Hotaru listened for some seconds to the soft voice in her head, then she put her headphones away and held her bag tighter. It didn't matter to her to walk all this way. She knew she could have called a taxi, too. Her parents would have paid it. Especially after what happened just two years ago. Normally she took the bus and in the morning her daddy or someone else of her big, crazy family drove her to school. Hotaru loved the days she was woken up by an excited Chibiusa whose father would bring them to school. Although she liked it also a lot to race with her daddy and with her silver Ferrari along the road. As long as her mommy didn't to know it.

For another while Hotaru stood there and watched the sea. Saw the waves crashing at the sand. She loved the sea. Since her birth she had lived near the water and she couldn't imagine a day to live without it. Her mommy learned her to love the water and it became a part of her, too. Just like the wind playing with her shoulder long hairs. Hotaru automatically raised her hands and put the strands behind her ears. It took her some hours to walk from the city to her home and she had to think a lot during that time. Again and again she saw the couple before her eyes. Saw again the shadow in the shop window. In another mirror she hated. She couldn't simply cover with a blanket or a towel. Or smash. Or throw away. There was no mirror in her own room and she covered the one in her bathroom. But whenever she was with Chibiusa she had to face them. Whenever she saw into a shop window, into the clear water, sometimes even in other people's eyes she feared to see the shadow again. She never told anyone about it. Not even her parents. She didn't know how they would react. If they would think that she went made. That she saw illusions. That she was afraid of a ghost. She was now sixteen and a half. Too old to believe in monsters.

Witch

Again she heard Akane's voice in her mind. Suddenly she wondered if the red haired girl was right. If she really was a witch. If she really was abnormal when she saw things no one else seemed to see. Or even to feel.

Daddy never asked further when I suddenly started to cry.

Hotaru took a deep breath. Whenever she looked frightened and tried desperately to get to a special person her parents never asked further but helped her to get there. Her daddy didn't ask her why she knew that uncle Sejya tried to commit suicide over six years ago. Haruka was simply relieved that they could hinder that tragedy. But there had been something in dark green eyes Hotaru couldn't define when she looked at her after the ambulance came and brought Sejya into the hospital. Hotaru didn't like that look. Maybe her father didn't even notice it but Hotaru had seen the fear there. She didn't want that anyone was afraid of her. Nor did she want to lose her parents. Her big, lively family who meant everything to her.

I don't wanna lose little darling.

A window was opened and the tall girl heard the familiar piano playing. It brought her back from her sad thoughts and she smiled loving as she heard how the playing stopped and someone cursed slightly.

Surely she's making a new song.

Hotaru's grin grew wider as the melody started again. This time a little bit different. It was a soft melody. But the same time it was a little bit sad. A professional woman voice accompanied the playing. It sounded right. Hotaru shivered, because she loved it to hear her auntie Mina sing. She was a great singer and everyone liked it to listen to her. She went on tour together with Hotaru's parents for several times and even with uncle Sejya. She couldn't play an instrument and she hardly wrote any song of her own, but her voice was a donation from god as Ami sometimes said with a blushed face. The people were bewitched by her voice and famous musicians wrote songs for her. Only for her. So that she should sing them.

This time daddy's the new victim.

Hotaru grinned and walked slowly over to the light house. She listened to the words and frowned. Somehow they didn't fit perfectly to the music. Somehow they were too bright, too happy. About a woman loving a man. Hotaru heard again and again the beginning of the new song and heard the sadness.

I won't tell them, will I?

The tall girl wondered while she opened the door that leaded through the garden right into the kitchen. Once she told her daddy that the lyrics weren't right and so she spent the next weeks of thinking of another one. It had been one of Minako's greatest songs but it had been hard work for Hotaru and she didn't know if she could concentrate the next weeks. When she had to decide if she wanted to go to such a private school. When she wanted to think what she should say Chibiusa the next weekend. When she still doubted if it was really a good idea to give her best friend the gift she bought a long time ago.

I'll never know it when I am a coward.

Hotaru sighed slightly and screamed as a little monster jumped right into her arms. Her school bag fell unseen on the ground and laughing Hotaru swirled her little sister around. Miyuki squeaked with happiness and her deep blue eyes sparkled. Her long blonde hairs flew through the air as Hotaru played plane with her. Automatically the little girl spread her arms and laughed even more.

Yuki-chan.

Hotaru's little sister was now six years old. A wanted child. A miracle for all of them. Modern medicine was now able to give two women their own child. Something Hotaru understood a long time later. She only knew that her parents went to hospital to get an own child. She knew that her mommy would get a big belly and that in that hospital they would get her new sister. Hotaru never wanted a brother and the whole time she insisted of getting a cute little sister. Just the way she had told auntie Ami when she was around in the light house with a big belly. And a book in her hands. It was a wonder that Ami's daughter wasn't the same crazy about books as she was. But Hotaru had the feeling that the reason for that was wild Minako.

My sweet little sis.

Hotaru would never forget the fear she felt when they found her mommy on the ground of the bathroom. Bleeding. Sobbing that she lost her child. She went into hospital for the next weeks and was very pale when she returned. Just like her daddy. They both were as silent as Hotaru had never seen them before and after a while Michiru declared that she wanted to go on tour – alone. That she needed time to understand. And after she promised Hotaru that she would return soon the tall girl let her go, too.

Our little tornado.

During the time Michiru was on tour Haruka went to the hospital again. Very often and she even HHerspent a whole week there. Auntie Ami and Minako took care for the ten year Hotaru in the meantime and tried to cheer her up. But she was only happy again when her daddy returned. A little bit exhausted, a little bit pale. Then everything got normal again. Only that her daddy felt sick. She got a flu and Hotaru remembered a time that the first thing that woke her up in the morning was the bang of the bathroom door. Then a long time nothing and then another bang when her daddy left it again. Her mommy returned and they were a happy family again. Hotaru clinched on them that time and didn't want them let ago. She was only ten years then and she needed her parents very much. Even now she needed them a lot.

Our little miracle.

It had been Christmas when Haruka gave her Michiru a small present. It had been light and Hotaru who didn't know what it contained had been very curious. Mostly she knew what her daddy would give her mommy. That was always the big secret between them. But this year she hadn't known about this small present. She remembered too well how Michiru opened it and held a tiny pyjama in her suddenly shaking hands. How tears shimmered in beautiful blue eyes and how she burst into tears as Haruka only nodded. She took her wife in her arms and rocked her. With a shaky voice Hotaru had never heard before in her life she said to the others who stood around looking very curiously that they would get a child, that Haruka was pregnant. Still now Hotaru grinned whenever she remembered the happiest and the same time the craziest Christmas she ever celebrated together with her big family. Michiru asked the whole evening for about thousands of times if it was really true and Haruka answered the same often with a tender hai and a loving kiss. The whole Sailor team had been excited that evening and congratulated them and all crazy aunts couldn't await to see the little one. At that moment Haruka went into their sleeping room and returned with a little black and white picture of the ultra sound. She showed it to them and for the very first time in her whole life Hotaru saw her daddy cry. Some tears escaped her dark green eyes and she sobbed helplessly. But it were tears of joy.

Hotaru swirled around with her little sister and finally gave her a loving kiss on her cheeks. The little girl beamed up at her and started excitedly to babble.

During the coming months after that crazy Christmas Haruka slowed down. She drove the Ferrari more seldom and for the first time since the past fifteen years she didn't take part in the Grand Prix of Japan. For the first time another one had the chance to win it. Her belly grew during the coming months just like Ami's three years before. And in the end of spring she had to go to the hospital. At the beginning of June Tenô Miyuki was born. A little girl that looked like her parents. Proud parents. And a proud big sister.

"I've finally found it." Mayumi ran into the kitchen, holding a card play triumphantly over her head. "It was under your bed, Yuki-chan." The blue haired girl grinned. "Hello, Hotaru-chan."

"Hello, May-chan." Greeted Hotaru back and let her little sister down again. Mayumi was now nine years old and the protector of Miyuki. She loved the little girl as if she was her sister and whenever Ami or Minako didn't have time to take care for her, Mayumi was here as well. She was very intelligent and almost as wild as Yuki-chan. And she was the only one who could play for hours the same card play with the little girl – and let her win. Haruka didn't have enough patience and Michiru couldn't lose without the little girl noticing it. But May-chan could.

"Mommy prepared supper." Yuki-chan took her bigger sister's hand and pulled her over to the hot oven. It smelled delicious and Hotaru saw the Lasagne inside the oven. "And I am hungry." The little girl giggled, then she ran over to her best friend and took away the card play. "Let's go to my room." She said and they both disappeared giggling.

Hotaru grabbed her bag again and made her way upstairs. To her own room. But she stopped at the opened door. For some moments she watched her daddy sitting at the black piano and playing the soft melody in thoughts. Minako looked into some sheets of papers and looked very critical.

"Something is missing..." she whispered while Haruka broke her play and corrected some notes. Hotaru didn't move. She loved it to see her daddy playing the instrument. Again the tall blonde started again to play and this time the melody sounded even sadder. It touched Hotaru's heart and suddenly she heard a soft voice whispering different words in her mind. Words that simply seemed to fit to the melody.

It's not a...

There was suddenly a wrong note and Hotaru winced hard. She opened her eyes again and saw how her daddy scribbled again on the sheet laying on the black wood.

"Hi, Hotaru-chan." Grinned Minako who discovered her finally. Haruka raised surprised her eyebrows and a loving smile appeared on her face as she saw her daughter.

"Hello, Himme-chan." She said and stood up to come over to her. "Didn't hear you come. How was school today? And where's Chibiusa? Didn't she want to eat supper here, too?"

Himme-chan.

Hotaru smiled automatically back and put her bag down. That had always been her nickname her parents called her since she could remember. Even now when she was sixteen, almost seventeen. Almost an adult. Hotaru was sure that her parents would always call her this way. Even when she was an old woman. A mommy herself. Maybe even a grandmother. She would always stay the little Himme-chan.

Somehow that thought was nice. Hai, she would grow up. She would leave this house one day and live her own life. But it was good to know that she would always be her parent's daughter. That there was always a place she could turn to – no matter what would happen. Even when she was thirty five.

Just like my daddy can turn to my granny.

"School was fine. Do you know the book about that stupid samurai who saved whole Japan 500 years ago? We have to read it now." She grinned as she saw an expression on her daddy's face she had made when she opened the book for the first time. "Ask you mommy. She liked Japan history a little bit more than I." They both grinned understanding. "I only liked his horse."

"Hai, it was so fat and lazy."

Hotaru went over to the piano and glanced at the notes.

"Chibiusa had a phone call at school and had to return to the palace. Surely some politics."

"Poor girl."

Haruka stepped next to her daughter and stared at the notes, too. With the same thinking expression on her face.

"Hai."

Hotaru took the sheet in right hand and played with her left one some notes. She learned to play the piano, too. Her mommy insisted that she had to learn an instrument, too, and because she had always adored to hear her daddy's piano play, she decided for the black instrument. Yuki-chan was still too young but she liked to knock on every pot she found in the kitchen with a lot of fun. Maybe she would become a drummer one day.

"It sounds good..." whispered the red haired girl and frowned. "But something is missing..." she felt her daddy's hands on her shoulders and looked shortly into green eyes.

"You can finish it, if you like. Minako and I don't know what we should change and the lyrics won't fit." Haruka sat down again and nodded as the blonde singer gave her another sheet of paper.

"Let's practice this one."

Haruka only nodded and soon another soft melody filled the air. Hotaru put the sheet of paper away and sat down on the ground to listen to the nice music. To watch her daddy playing and her auntie singing. The light of the setting sun filled the room and covered it with a pleasant warm light of gold and dark red.

I love you so much.

Hotaru winced as suddenly two arms embraced her. She looked over her shoulder and saw directly into shinning blue eyes. Her mommy smiled loving at her and squeezed her gently while Haruka and Minako seemed to be lost in their world of music.

"Was school fine or do I have to punish anyone?" whispered Michiru and felt how Hotaru crept deeper into her embracement.

"Nope, mommy. Everything fine." Hotaru knew that her mommy meant Akane. After the argument with Akane's parents and the headmaster the tall girl knew that her parents only wanted to protect her. If she'd ever come home with a blue eye or a broken arm they would talk another very, very serious word with Akane's parents. At least Michiru would talk while trying to hold Haruka back to beat Akane's ignorant, arrogant, fat father down who called her bad names.

"You got the letters this morning, didn't you?"

"Hai."

Hotaru didn't ask why her mother knew that. Her mother knew a lot and more than once she surprised her with that.

"And?" There was a smile in Michiru's voice and Hotaru suspected that her mother already knew the answer. That she couldn't imagine that any school didn't want her smart daughter.

"They all want me." Hotaru felt how her mommy squeezed her a little bit tighter and gave her a kiss on her cheek.

"That's fine, princess." She whispered. "Did you already..."

At that moment the door bell rang. Haruka broke her play and Minako sang for some seconds all alone until she noticed that the piano was missing.

"We'll talk later, honey." Michiru got to her feet and smiled over to her wife. Then she walked upstairs to open the door. Soon there was the scream of a little baby crying hungry. Minako's eyes started to sparkle and the next moment she was out of the room and they could hear her jumping down the staircase.

Haruka frowned. Then she took another sheet of paper and started to play. Hotaru heard the well known voice upstairs and grinned. She came to her feet and sat down next to her daddy. Then she accompanied her and they played the song with four hands.

"And it's really okay that you'll watch over him this night?" Hotaru raised her head and looked over to the opened door while her hands automatically kept stroking the keys. There stood a beautiful woman with long, red hairs. She held a bundle in her arms. A little boy of hardly six months. She wore a long, white dress and looked like an angel.

"Of course, Kakyuu." Smiled Michiru who followed her to show her the room where the cradle stood. Minako was right behind the red haired woman and looked with stars sparkling in her blue eyes over the shoulder to catch a look of the cute baby. "Today is your third anniversary. Go out and have some fun."

"Hello, Hotaru-chan."

"Hello, auntie Kakyuu."

They shortly winked at each other. Haruka shortly looked up and greeted the red haired woman with a smile. Her face froze as she saw the young man stumbling behind the women.

"Hi, tomboy."

"Hi, baka."

Haruka turned again towards the piano and continued to play. She pretended not to see how Michiru took the little baby in her arms and went over to the guest room where a cradle stood. She pretended not to hear how Sejya and Kakyuu thanked them again and again that they would baby sit the little one. She pretended not to listen to them going back to the front door and leaving the light house by the sea. At the moment the car drove away Haruka broke the piano play and went over to the window. When she saw how the car disappeared in the darkness, she left the room and went over to the guest room.

Hotaru and Michiru shortly exchanged glances and giggled. They both knew that Haruka was crazy about the little one. That she liked Sejya and Kakyuu a lot. But that she'd rather eaten her tongue than admitting it.

She's very stubborn.

Hotaru went downstairs into the kitchen to help auntie Minako to set the table. Michiru thought for a moment and sneaked then nearer to the guest room door. She leaned against the door and watched how her wife went on her knees next to the cradle. How she took the little boy carefully in her arms and rocked him. He was now sleeping after his mother fed him again.

He looks cute.

Haruka remembered too well how shocked they all had been after Sejya tried to commit suicide. Usagi had been the most frightened of them all. Afraid that he would do such a stupid mistake again. So she took all her powers and called the rest of the Three Lights and princess Kakyuu. She explained them what happened and only two months later Kakyuu returned to earth. Suddenly on a cold winter's night she knocked at their door and asked if they needed her help.

"Hey, you little one? Sleepy?" teased Haruka the little boy and grinned as he only yawned tiredly.

She would never forget the stunned look on Sejya's face as he came to the light house by the sea. To ask Minako if she was ready to come with him to record the new CD. But it hadn't been Minako who opened the door for him. It had been Kakyuu. A friendly princess who declared him that she got bored on her home planet. That Setsuna and Yaten and Tahiki would take good care for it. That she missed the earth and the crazy Sailor Team. And that she had missed him, too.

"What a big mouth." The little boy yawned again and Haruka laid him carefully back into the cradle.

Since that day Sejya and Kakyuu had been inseparable. Half a year later they decided to marry and since Haruka's and Michiru's wedding there hadn't been such a great party. Minako did her very best with the show and Makoto did magic with her cooking skills.

"Here's your little bunny." Haruka reached over to the couch and pulled the toy out of the bag. The baby yawned again and held the red bunny tight in his tiny arms.

It was now six months ago that this little boy was born. Haruka had to grin as she thought of Sejya as becoming daddy. He had always been crazy but these months after he got to know that his wife was pregnant he got worse. Although Haruka had believed that this couldn't be possible. That Sejya couldn't be more nervous than he had always been. But he could. He forgot his lyrics on an important concert and simply couldn't shut up any longer. He babbled the whole time excitedly. Only Kakyuu could calm him down sometimes. But she wasn't always around and soon Haruka and he were arguing worse than ever before.

Tamahoe.

Finally the little boy was born and Sejya calmed down a little bit. He was very proud of his wife and almost broke Haruka's arm as she looked at the baby and asked him why it wasn't a girl. It should have been a joke because it was the first boy born in the Sailor Team. Hotaru, Chibiusa, Mayumi and Miyuki were all girls. Only Kakyuu's high laughter rescued Haruka of being killed by a raging Sejya.

Tami-chan.

The little boy was safe here and he seemed to feel it. He yawned again, grabbing his bunny tighter and finally falling asleep. Haruka leaned forward and covered his small body with a soft blanket.

I am very happy that they're all fine.

Haruka rose and shortly frowned as she saw her wife leaning against the door frame.

"You do really hate Sejya." Grinned Michiru and embraced her lover to kiss her tenderly. To mess her blonde hairs. To look directly into shinning green eyes. Haruka chuckled and pulled her closer.

"Of course I do."

They both smiled tenderly at each other before they kissed again.

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It was late in the evening. Hotaru sat on her soft bed and looked tiredly into her school books. She didn't want to read about the samurai, but she knew that she wouldn't find any time of learning when Chibiusa would be here the next weekend.

"May-chan... gimme the towel... and come back into the tube..."

Hotaru giggled as she heard Minako's loud voice shouting desperate through the whole house. Her daughter laughed happily and Hotaru soon heard fast steps running down the staircase. Somewhere near Miyuki giggled, too. She went to bed an hour ago but of course she couldn't sleep when there was still so much action going on.

They ate their supper and played another game. Minako tried hard to win but failed and comforted herself with a chocolate she had to share with the others who looked suddenly very pleading at her.

Hotaru put the book away and sighed deeply. She looked over to her desk, knowing what the drawers hide. Chibiusa's present. She simply couldn't concentrate on her homework. Not as long as her thoughts drifted always away. To the next weekend.

Someone knocked at the door and Hotaru winced a little bit. The door was opened and she saw how her mommy came in. She still wore her summer dress and looked a little bit tired, too.

"Gomen, honey, that I didn't have the time to talk to you." She said while she sat down next to her daughter on the big bed. She stroke loving through dark strands and stared for some seconds at the book.

"That's with the heroic samurai and his lazy but very nice horse, isn't it?" she asked and giggled as Hotaru rolled her eyes.

"Hai. Our teacher is really mad now. We have to read it and to write a test about it... some when." She sighed and covered the book with a pillow so that she didn't have to see it any longer.

"May I see your letters?" Michiru asked and leaned back on the wall. For some moments she studied the letters and then beamed at her daughter. "I told you that they all want you. Such a smart girl." She grinned and stroke again through dark hairs. Hotaru felt how she blushed.

"It's your decision if you go to such a private school for a year and it's your decision where you go to." Said Michiru after a long while she looked at her daughter in silence. "Don't think about money, Himme-chan, we can afford it. Just think about you and if you want it." Michiru leaned over and took her daughter for some moments in her soft arms. "Of course we want you near us. Tokyo would be fine. But if you want to go to Kyoto, we support you, Himme-chan. You know that, don't you?"

"Hai." Answered Hotaru and felt suddenly a lump in her throat.

They always supported me. Even when I threw the basket ball through the palace's window the last year.

"You still have a week. Think it over, Himme-chan." Shortly Michiru looked with a very serious expression in her eyes down at her daughter. "If you want to talk about anything, you can always come to us."

"Hai..."

I love Chibiusa, the future queen of Crystal Tokyo.

I see that shadow in almost every mirror.

I see people dying.

"I know, mommy." Hotaru gulped and squeezed her mommy again. She knew that her parents would listen. That they would maybe understand her. But she couldn't talk to them. Not about those topics she didn't really understand herself.

"The good night, honey. And don't read too long. Tomorrow's another day at school."

"Don't worry, mommy, guess I had enough of that samurai."

They both grinned at each other. Then Michiru sneaked again out of the room and the screaming of Minako and May-chan got for some moments a little bit louder.

Thanks for your offer.

Hotaru closed her eyes and leaned again back against the soft pillows. She pulled her headphones over her ears and listened to soft music.

But there're some things I have to handle alone.

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It was dark when she woke up. Hotaru yawned and rubbed her tired eyes. Shortly she looked at her alarm clock and knew that it was past three in the morning. She yawned again and tried to turn around and to sleep again. They had Japanese grammar the first lesson and she didn't want to fall asleep while their strict teacher wanted them to learn more about their alleged beautiful native language.

That moment she heard the slight sob again. She raised her head and listened carefully. There was someone outside. Someone who tried to be calm but stumbled several times. The sobbing increased and Hotaru slipped out of her bed. Carefully she opened the door and stared in the darkness outside her room.

Nani?

She saw the shadow simply standing there. Staring on her hands and trying to cry without making too much noise.

Auntie Ami?

Hotaru frowned and wanted to go over to her. To ask her what was wrong as she saw how another door was opened and a shadow crept through the darkness.

"Ami-chan?"

It took Hotaru some seconds to recognize that it had been Minako who spoke.

"Everything okay, little one?"

Ami looked up and cried even harder. Minako simply embraced her and held her tight.

"It's the little boy, isn't it? The one who had cancer?" gulped Minako and tried to calm the young doctor down. "How was the operation, Ami-chan?"

"It didn't work." Sobbed Ami and Hotaru felt suddenly deep sorrow inside herself. She had heard about the little boy of seven years who had cancer. They tried everything to save her. Different therapies, different operations. They all hoped that he would make it. That he would survive it. But the longer Hotaru heard aunt Ami's desperate sobs she knew that the little boy wouldn't experience his eighth birthday.

"There's nothing we can do any longer. He won't... won't..." Ami gulped and choked. Minako stoke calming through blue hairs. "He won't survive the next weekend..." The young doctor sobbed even harder. It was the first time in her career that she couldn't save a life. That she lost against the time. Against death. That she had to let go. To give up. "I... I don't know how... how I shall tell it... his parents... they were so full of hope... and... and... I don't... I can't..." stammered Ami and cried even louder. Minako simply held her tight and comforted her the best she could.

"You did your best, Ami-chan. You can't change destiny." She whispered. "Without you he would died months ago. Remember, you made him laugh and happy."

More crying. Hotaru gulped and grabbed hard for the door's frame. Suddenly she felt very sick and weak. Tears shimmered in her eyes, too. She got to know the little boy, too. She visited the hospital together with her parents. It had been carnival and they all wore costumes. The little boy decided for a huge, white mouse and he looked really cute. He got sweets and the whole day his eyes sparkled of joy.

For a long time Ami simply cried and Minako said some more comforting words. Hotaru didn't dare to move. She simply stood there. Thinking. Shaking. And a little bit crying, too.

"Come, let's go to bed. You had a long day, little one." Said Minako after another long time and tried to pull Ami towards her room. The young doctor stiffed and shook her head.

"I wanna go in my own room." She declared with a husky voice and wiped some tears away from her face. Her whole body trembled and she looked like a little misery.

For some seconds there was dead silence between them. Then Minako took a deep breath.

"I promised you once to be a good friend for you. To be always be there for you whenever you need me and to take care for your daughter."

"Hai..."

"I'll keep that promise, Ami-chan. I would never hurt you. Nor would I touch you." Minako suddenly grinned and it looked very strange although normally she grinned the whole day. "Don't be such a coward. It's just me, the good ole Minako. And in your conditions right now I won't let you sleep alone. Who knows what crazy ideas are in your mind. You know what Sejya almost did..."

Ami sighed deeply. Then she nodded.

"Okay, you won." She whispered and some seconds later the door closed silently behind them. Hotaru stood there for another long while and stared in the empty darkness. Then she turned around and walked slowly back to her bed. She covered herself with her blankets and stared with wide eyes at the ceiling. Soon the sun started to raise. Coloured light of a new born day filled her room. Of another hot summer day. But somehow Hotaru couldn't stop freezing. The rest of the night she had to think of the poor little boy who would never celebrate his birthday or Christmas together with his parents. She thought of Ami and Minako and their really strange relationship. She thought of Chibiusa and the present she got for her. And she thought about the shadow and all those people she had seen in the mirror, too.

At the time her alarm clock rang she was already fully dressed and had read the silly book for three times. To distract her thoughts. But it simply didn't work.

Hotaru looked for some seconds at the still closed door the she turned around and hurried along the corridor. To wake May-chan up. She had to go to school, too. To help her mommy making breakfast. To behave happy as always.

Although she felt very sad inside. Sad and strangely empty.

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She raised her hands and tied her dark hairs together in her neck. Some strands escaped again and she stroke them with an impatient gesture behind her ears. Then she grabbed her school bag again and hurried up. She had rolled up the sleeves of her school uniform's blouse and the first two buttons were opened to let her breathe easier. She lifted her long skirt a little bit so that it was easier for her to run in the noon's heat. Her sandals clapped as she ran through the huge portal that leaded inside the Crystal palace. Her sockets were inside her school bag. It was simply too hot to wear them any longer. Her face was redden but her dark eyes sparkled excitedly.

The guards bowed quickly as she hurried by. She smiled at them and shortly waved at them. They all knew her. The best friend of the young princess. Somehow she seemed to belong to the Crystal palace. To queen Usagi. To the whole family.

How late...

Shortly Hotaru looked at her watch and hurried even more. She wanted to meet Chibiusa here at one o clock. Now it was past two. She was too late. But she really forgot their last lesson. It only took part once a month and so she almost missed it. But a nice girl sitting in front of her reminded her to stay when she started to pack her bag and was about to leave earlier. Hotaru was very thankful because otherwise she would have been in great trouble.

Too late!

Hotaru ran along the light corridors. The pillars were made of white marble and the sun shone through huge windows, lightened up the whole palace. It was surrounded by a big garden. All trees were green and she could hear the royal birds singing outside.

Surely little darling will be angry.

The princess spent the last days at the palace. She didn't return to school and there seemed to be really important visitors this time. Hotaru had been a little bit sad when she waited two days in vain for her best friend. The more she was happy when Chibiusa called her up the last evening and told her that she was allowed to leave the palace the next day. That they should go swimming together as they had planned earlier this week. And that she had to tell her something important.

Something important?

Hotaru didn't know what Chibiusa meant. But for the princess everything was important. What dress she should wear on her official birthday celebration. Which book she should read for school they were allowed to chose on their own. Who would become the guard of the year. But Hotaru didn't care about it any longer. School was over for this week, Chibiusa would come with her this weekend and surely they would have a lot of fun. Hotaru felt as happy as she hadn't felt the past days. Whenever she saw Ami walking around like a ghost. No one could cheer her up. Not crazy Minako, not calm Michiru and surely not hot tempered Haruka. Hotaru heard her parents talk about the young doctor and Haruka said that Ami had to go through this. That she had to learn this lesson that she couldn't save all her patients. And that she had to recognize that there were many patients she could rescue. She could help.

"Hotaru-chan?"

Hotaru stumbled over her own feet and almost crashed into the shinning person standing suddenly in front of her. Queen Usagi made a terrified face as Hotaru grabbed her right arm and they both lost balance. With a loud scream they both landed in a huge palm tree standing next to an opened window.

"G... gomen..." stammered Hotaru and blushed deeply. But Usagi only started to laugh and helped the girl up. She pointed over to the fountain standing only ten feet away and grinned. "Well, Hotaru-chan, it could have been worse. At least I am not wet all over."

Hotaru corrected her back bag and nodded slowly. She watched how the queen, a beautiful young woman with shimmering blue eyes and always a friendly smile on her face, rose, too. The white dress was dirtied now but not only because of the palm tree. Hotaru could see different red spots on the white cloth, too. Surely remains of the late lunch. A crown was on her head between her two odangos and she looked like a real lady. Although Chibiusa often disagreed. That her mother was the most clumsy person she had ever seen. But the princess said it with a sparkle in her eyes that betrayed Hotaru that Chibiusa loved her mother. Even if she stumbled over her own dress and fell almost down the staircase when she wanted to welcome the president of Australia. Usagi had been lucky, her husband was there to held her back.

"You're here to see Chibiusa, right?" asked the queen and tried to hide a really big spot of a brown fluid, surely cold. She simply covered that part of her dress with her hands. Hotaru grinned and nodded.

"Hai."

"She's over in the south garden." Suddenly Usagi looked very tired and sad. She wanted to say something else but Hotaru did already run away and disappeared out of her sign. "She's not alone, Hotaru-chan."

Hotaru ran along the corridor and spun around the corner to the huge portal that would lead her out to the south garden. It was Chibiusa's most favourite place. With a lot of apple and cherry trees. Chibiusa's most favourite trees. There were hardly any flowers around. Only a lot of grass and those trees. In one there was her old swing and sometimes she still used it although she not a small child any longer.

"Little dar..."

Hotaru opened the door and stood right on the top of the staircase. Her voice died away and she stopped dead in the motion as she saw her princess standing there under an apple tree that carried a lot of fruits. Chibiusa wasn't alone. Another shadow stood next to her. A person Hotaru knew too well. A person the tall girl didn't like.

Helios!

Hotaru's eyes narrowed and for some seconds she stared in silence at the two persons who didn't seem to have noticed her. They talked quietly to each other. Hotaru gasped automatically as Chibiusa reached for Helios' hand and held it tight. The princess looked deeply into the other one's eyes. She said something more and then slowly, very slowly they embraced.

Nani?

Hotaru squinted in the bright sunlight, but the vision didn't disappear. She didn't wake up from this obvious nightmare.

Nani?

Again she heard the teasing voice of queen Usagi in her ears. That Helios would be a great son in law. That he and Chibiusa would make a great couple together. That their children would surely look sweet. Normally Chibiusa blushed deeply and declared with an angry voice that Helios was only her friend. A good friend but nothing more. Her mother used that chance and teased Chibiusa even more around.

Nani...

Hotaru gulped. There was a big lump in her throat and suddenly she felt tears burning in her eyes. Still they didn't move. Still Chibiusa and Helios stood there. Arm in arm. Embracing each other. None of them spoke.

You knew that this would happen one day.

Hotaru gulped again. Her whole body started to tremble but she couldn't move. She wanted to go over to them. To behave the way she normally behaved. To pretend that she didn't see the intimate touch. But she couldn't. She only stood there. As if she was paralysed. Looking helpless at the couple. Gulping again and again. Fighting hard against her tears.

You knew that this would happen. Sooner than later.

Her lips shook and she couldn't speak. She couldn't make a sound. Not even the slightest sob. Not even the quietest whimper.

She's a young, beautiful woman. She's now fifteen. High time for her to find a boyfriend. And Helios is accepted in the palace. He's loved by her parents. He's the perfect boyfriend for she.

Hotaru clenched her ice cold fists and some strands of her dark hair fell into her pale face. Two tears escaped her eyes and simply flew over her suddenly shrunken cheeks.

You knew that she's not like you. You only dreamed that she could be. Every time she grabbed your hand. Every time she crept nearer to you in her sleep because she had been afraid of monsters or the thunder storm. Every time you went along the street with her to buy something or just to look into the shop windows.

Hotaru gulped again, taking two little steps back as her trembling body obeyed again. Still staring at the couple in disbelieve. They only held each other tight. They didn't kiss. Not yet. They only held each other tight. There was a soft whisper from Chibiusa. A love declaration? Hotaru didn't know. She didn't want to know.

You hoped that she would return your love. You hoped it although you knew that it would never become true. She's not like you. She's a good friend but never, never someone else.

Hotaru grabbed her school bag tighter and turned around. She pushed the door open and simply ran. Her heart beat wildly inside her chest and her whole body started to hurt. She knew that she loaded her body too much. Especially after what happened just two years ago. But she didn't want to stop. She didn't want to face her Chibiusa again. She didn't want to think. She only wanted to run. To be faster than every bird. Than every car. Even faster than the wind. To escape her destiny. Her wracked future. Her weak, stupid, useless body.

The door closed far away again. But neither Chibiusa nor Helios heard them. They stood there in silence for about five more minutes. Then the young man started desperately to cry and broke down sobbing in his friend's arms.

"Hotaru-chan? Didn't you find her?"

Hotaru pushed the queen aside and stumbled downstairs. She ignored the guards and left the palace as quickly as she could. She ran along the street. Feeling the hot sun burning down at her. Tears streamed over her pale cheeks and her whole body trembled and hurt. But she forced herself to keep running. She didn't want to give up. Never again.

Shit!

She wanted to curse loudly but she was out of breath. Finally she had to slow down. Near the beach. She heard the rushing of the waves but this time it couldn't calm her down. She felt empty and alone. As though she had just lost something really important in her life. Or someone.

Shit!

She gasped hard for breath as she slowly walked over to the ocean. She didn't slip out of her shoes. She didn't even think of them as she stepped into the pleasant cold water. Still the sun burned down at her while she stood motionless in the low water. Watching the waves playing with her legs and the rims of her school uniform's skirt. She saw herself in the water's reflection. Her sad face. The tears slowly drying on her cheeks.

"Shit..." she panted, finally able to say anything. "Shit!" She clenched her fists again and regretted that she had run away. How should she explain Chibiusa her sudden flight? How should she explain it to the queen?

What is that bloody boy doing there?

Hotaru wrapped her arms protectively around her waist and shivered slightly as wind played with her sweaty strands.

Is Helios that important visitor why little darling didn't come to school the past days?

Now anger and hate sparkled in her dark eyes and she bowed to pick up a small stone from the ground. She threw it energetically, still panting. It jumped over the ways and finally disappeared into nothing.

Shit!

She sighed deeply. Prepared to turn around and to go back into the palace. Telling them a story they might believe and trying to behave as normal. She didn't want to lose Chibiusa as her best friend. As her only true friend. But the same time she felt that she already lost the princess.

Hotaru sighed deeply and wanted to go away as she felt the cold raising inside her body. She froze in motion and got even paler. Her hands trembled as she stroke some black strands behind her ears.

Not again. Please, not again!

It took her all her powers, all her courage to lower her head from the cloudless sky above to the clear water above. The surface shimmered in all colours of the rainbow and it took her some moments to look through it. To see the water's reflection. To recognize the shadow standing there.

Why are you here?

But she didn't dare to say it aloud. Her whole body trembled and suddenly tears stood in her eyes again as she saw the other person the shadow embraced. Hotaru sobbed out loud as she recognized the cute boy her aunt Ami tried to save so desperate from his illness. He smiled and waved at her. Hotaru shook her head and bowed to grab for him in the low water. But the moment her hand broke through the surface the vision was gone. The shadow disappeared into nothing. Just like the boy.

Nani...

Hotaru sobbed louder and wrapped her arms around her waist again. Slowly she stumbled back until she felt the warm sand under her feet again. She knew too well what this meant. Surely Ami sat now in the hospital and cried at the nurses to get those expansive machines. Until another doctor would try to explain her that the boy was dead. That they couldn't do anything for him. That it was simply destiny and that doctor Mizuno should let go. For heaven's and for the boy's sake.

I hate this!

Hotaru spun around and started again to run. Not caring about her hurting body. Not caring that she could break down the next bend. Not caring about anything at all.

I hate this shadow showing me things I cannot change!

The tall girl lost her right sandal but she didn't notice it. She simply ran and ran and ran. As long as her body supported that exhausting action.

I hate it to stand helpless aside!

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The crumbled sheet danced in her trembling hands. Again and again she looked at the notes but the melody she hummed sounded shaky. She sat on her bed, being wrapped in her blanket and staring blank at the notes without really seeing them. There had been chaos when she returned home. Minako just got a phone call from the hospital and was very busy to get there. Haruka offered her to drive her after Minako asked her for the keys of the Ferrari. The young singer didn't have a driver's license but she simply didn't think about it any longer. Michiru had a very important concert she couldn't cancel and so aunt Rei baby sit now Mayumi and Miyuki. They were right now in the kitchen preparing supper. But Hotaru didn't feel hungry. She didn't feel anything at all. She only sat there and tried to creep even deeper inside her blanket.

I lost her.

Again and again she saw Chibiusa standing there embracing Helios. Surely they kissed after she left. Surely that was the important thing the princess wanted to tell her, her best friend. That she had a boyfriend.

Best friend? Ha! She doesn't need me any longer!

Hotaru reached for her pencil and corrected some more notes. Again she hummed the melody and with every try it got sadder and more desperate.

Because it's no...

... at all...

The lyric formed inside her mind but she wasn't in the mood to write them down. She didn't want that her daddy played such a depressing song. Best she threw the paper away and never spoke about it again. Surely her daddy would forget it sooner or later.

I lost her.

Hotaru gulped again and brought her feet to her chest. She remembered all those happy times she spent together with her little darling. Remembered how they drove the big dipper. How they shared often their sweets. How they laid on this bed and watched secretly horror movies. How they learned to drive the bike together. With Haruka's and Mamoru's help. It took them over two months and at the end of the summer they were almost faster than their daddy's. How Chibiusa came into school and Hotaru, only one class higher, tried to help her with her homework. How they made holidays in the mountains together with the whole family. With the whole team. How Chibiusa and Hotaru discovered a new mountain and none of the adults dared to tell them that it had already been discovered by someone else. Centuries ago.

Our candy mountain.

Hotaru smiled sadly. She remembered too well the first day she met Chibiusa. It was her very first memory. She had been 20 months old and ran through the Crystal palace. She heard someone screaming and together with her parents she entered the sleeping room. Aunt Usagi laid there in the big bed and she looked very exhausted but the same time very happy. She held a little bundle in her soft arms. A little girl with fluffy pink hairs. Who opened her pink eyes and stared at the small Hotaru standing curiously next to the bed. Then the baby stretched her tiny arms and started to laugh.

Hotaru sighed deeply and put the paper away. She covered her burning eyes with her icy hands and sighed again. She didn't know if it was then. If she fell in love with Chibiusa that very day. But she couldn't remember a single day she didn't have loved her. Even when they argued and didn't speak for days or even weeks. First Hotaru thought that Chibiusa was the little sister she didn't have. Until Miyuki was born and Hotaru discovered that her feelings were different towards the princess of Crystal Tokyo.

But she isn't like me!

Hotaru saw again Chibiusa and Helios standing there.

She loves him. See it, Tenô girl, only him. Not you...

The door bell was ringing but she didn't react. Surely a friend of Rei. Maybe even her grandpa who needed something for the temple. Normally Rei cared for the old building because her grandpa was simply too old. He was nearly ninety but he insisted often to lead the temple again. And even if it was just for one evening.

I should get up and help her making supper.

Hotaru rubbed her tired eyes and crept from her bed. She stretched her body and opened to window to let a little bit fresh air in. It slammed against the frame as someone opened the door. Without a knock. Hotaru spun around and saw Chibiusa standing near the door. She carried a huge bag and it seemed to be too heavy for the girl.

"Don't stand there like a mummy. Help me!" she said and giggled as she saw Hotaru's stunned face. "Hey, it's only one bag. I tried not to exaggerate this time after your daddy almost fainted the last time." Hotaru watched her for some other seconds, then she came automatically nearer and helped her lifting the bag to the next chair. It was really heavy.

"What are you doing here?" asked the tall girl and was now really confused. Chibiusa raised her eyebrows and shook her head.

"What did they do with you today at school? Some incredible stupid tests?" giggled the princess. "You invited me. Do you remember? I want to spend the night here. We want to watch horror movies and I still don't have my birthday present from you." Now Chibiusa pouted and looked really cute.

Sleeping? Here?

Hotaru frowned and suddenly panic raised inside her body.

Birthday present?

The tall girl remembered the small box deep inside her drawers and suddenly knew that she would have to throw it away. Because Chibiusa would never get it. Never.

Hotaru thought at her own parents, then at aunt Ami and aunt Minako.

Never. It's better this way.

"Er..." still she didn't know what to say. But Chibiusa didn't notice. She was already busy to make herself home. Suddenly several clothes covered Hotaru's couch and the pink haired girl looked at the tapes lying next to her video recorder.

"I wanna see this one. It's new, isn't it?" asked the princess and rose another video tape in the air. Hotaru only nodded and looked thoughtful at a long, white night grown. At that moment she turned around and took a deep breath.

This is a nightmare!

Slightly she could remember how happy she had been only five hours ago. When she wanted to catch Chibiusa up. But after she had seen her with Helios everything seemed to have changed. Still the world turn around but it wasn't the same any more.

"A new song?"

Hotaru spun around and saw Chibiusa sitting on the edge of her huge bed. Again she had to gulp. Because Chibiusa never used a guest bed. It had never been necessary.

"It's..." with two steps Hotaru was next to her and grabbed the already grumbled sheet of paper and pulled it safely away into the pocket of her cut jeans. They were dark. Just like her wide t-shirt. "It's... rubbish..." She felt how she blushed as Chibiusa raised asking her eyebrows.

"Taru?" she asked and the cheeky grin disappeared from her face. "Everything alright?" Chibiusa plucked nervously at the blanket and seemed to see for a moment the chaos she brought into her best friend's room within the last ten minutes. "Is there..."

They were cut off when the door was opened and Miyuki jumped into the room. Chased by an excited Mayumi.

"Supper. Auntie Rei almost burned the chicken, but the rice is delicious." She laughed and jumped into Hotaru's arms who held her automatically tight after she stumbled back some steps in surprise.

"Of course it is. We made the rice." Mayumi looked really proud of herself.

"And I took the ketchup out of the fridge."

Hotaru nodded and went with her little sister on her arms out of her room. Not caring any more that a slightly frowning Chibiusa followed her. Simply not knowing any longer how she should handle this whole evening.

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It smelled delicious. Rei looked really exhausted when she put the chicken on to the table and they all sat down around it. It almost took all her nerves to produce an eatable supper. She knew she should be better as a priestess, as a woman, but her grandfather loved it to cook and so she never had a real chance to learn it.

I am better than Usagi!

Shortly she observed how Mayumi tried some chicken and put then a thick layer of ketchup over the poor bird.

Everyone is better than Usagi!

Rei sighed deeply but no one complaint. They all ate and Yuki-chan and May-chan told them all about their day in the kindergarten and at school. Often the two girls giggled excited and exchanged knowing glances. Chibiusa giggled with them and told them some stories about her own time in the kindergarten. Soon the kitchen was filled with laughter and even Rei forgot that the chicken wasn't the best she'd ever cooked. At least they all loved the ice cream. With wiped cream.

"I heard that Helios visits the place, Chibiusa-chan." Rei asked curiously after they finished their meal. She heard about the rumours but simply didn't have enough time to talk to Usagi seriously about it. Very seriously. Because she had seen signs inside the fire. Bad signs.

"Hai." Suddenly Chibiusa looked very sad. "His parents are very ill and so they sent him to us." Thoughtful she took her glass of juice in her hands, but she didn't drink. "Helios is very sad, but I told him that he should cheer up." Chibiusa raised her head and an honest smile appeared on her face. "My daddy's now in Elysium to help them. I am sure that he's able to heal Helios' parents. My parents are very powerful and there's hardly anything they couldn't achieve. That's what I told Helios, too."

Hotaru grabbed her spoon tighter and suddenly she didn't have any appetite any longer. The ice cream looked like a grey, ugly mud to her and she felt suddenly very sick. Again she saw again the cutest couple of the world standing beneath that cherry tree, holding hands.

"Hai, the queen is indeed very powerful." Admitted Rei and try to hide her doubt. There were illness on this world even Usagi couldn't heal. But Chibiusa's smile was so innocent, she didn't want to destroy her inner peace. Not yet. Hopefully never.

"Hm." Chibiusa nodded and some red spots covered the white tablecloth as she pointed with her spoon at Rei. Forgetting that there was still some strawberry ice cream on it. "That's what I told Helios and..."

Helios!

I hate him!

Helios!

How can anyone name his child after the sun?

Helios!

It's such an ugly name!

Helios!

I will never have what already belongs to him...

Her chair fell on the ground as Hotaru stood up with a sudden. She didn't look into the other's stunned faces and simply turned around. Hard she slammed the door behind herself and suddenly it was so much fun to walk upstairs very, very loudly.

"Hotaru-chan?"

Rei's voice let her froze in motion. It was not because her aunt's voice was so dangerously quiet. Or dangerously loud. Just like a fireball exploding. The way she mostly was. But it was because Rei sounded very tired and very, very sad.

Shortly she looked around and saw some tears sparkling in dark eyes.

"You heard about Shinji, too, didn't you?" she asked and gulped. The priestess didn't want to cry. But she had seen into Minako's excited face and knew what happened. She had been on the carnival, too. She wore together with Makoto a dragon's costume. While Makoto had to take care for the food she changed places with Usagi and the queen complaint the whole time why she had been the second part of it. Why her plaids were confused with the dragon's tail. Shinji had heard them argue under the green and red costume and had laughed. A small boy whose body had seen a lot of pain. A little, very pale boy who wanted to live. Who fought hard with his illness. Who wanted to grow old. To find a love on day. To have a family one day. To be happy about every minute that was given to him.

Today he died.

Hotaru only nodded. Knowing that it wasn't the only reason why she was so angry right now. But it was a good reason to hide behind. Until she would feel better. Until she wouldn't want to yell at other persons any longer. Until the pain would disappear out of her heart, just like the picture of that cute couple would disappear out of her mind. Some day. Maybe...

"Hai..."

The next moment Rei stood next to her and simply took her into her arms and held her tight for some seconds.

"That's life." She whispered. "Sometimes we can't change it. Ami did her best."

"I know."

Rei took a deep breath. Then she let go and watched Hotaru for some moments in silence.

"Better I go to my room. Chibiusa wants to watch a movie and my whole room is still a mess. Somehow forgot that I get a guest this evening..." Hotaru shrugged her shoulders. "And I really forgot to wrap her birthday present. I am a baka..." she tried to smile and went over to her room.

"Are you sure that you're okay?" asked Rei with concern in her voice because there was something wrong with Hotaru's smile. But she couldn't define what it was.

"Hai."

With those words Hotaru closed the door behind herself and quickly tidied up her room. Her own clothes went into her wardrobe. Messy on the ground but as long as the doors were closed no one would see them. Then she put her blankets in order and put all the crumbled paper lying on the ground into the wastebasket. Shortly she looked down her desk and decided to put all her books inside her school bag again. There was only one week left before vacations and there was only one test to write: About the samurai. Suddenly it was alike to her what she would get. It didn't matter any longer.

It's all so senseless.

She put the school bag away and opened the window. Then she knelt down before the video recorder and switched on the television. Carefully she put the tape into the video recorder and was relieved to see that it still worked.

"You wanted to see this film, right?" asked Hotaru and raised the tape over her head without turning around as she felt a breeze of wind playing with her hairs. She knew that it was Chibiusa entering the room. Her sister and May-chan would have been louder.

"Hai..."

Hotaru gasped for breath as she felt the next moments how arms were wrapped around her waist. How someone pulled her near a warm body.

Nani?

Hotaru wanted to scream. To ask what this was for? Why Chibiusa had to torture her that much? Why she always made her so many hopes? Why she gave her so many wishes that could never come true, because the princess loved Helios!

Because she doesn't know it any better.

Hotaru gulped but didn't dare to say a word. She didn't make the slightest sound. She only sat there and waited. Waited for the future to happen.

Because she's like her mother. Usagi is friendly to everyone, too. She makes everyone feeling loved by her. But only Mamoru owns her heart.

It was a long time that they sat there. Chibiusa leaning her head against Hotaru's shoulder and holding her tightly, Hotaru staring with wide opened eyes at the blank screen, still holding the remote control in her suddenly shaking hands. Slowly the sun started to set, filled the room with a gently, warm golden light that turned soon into a pleasant red.

"Aunt Rei told me about Shinji." Said Chibiusa after a long while and her voice was shaky. "I am sorry, Taru."

She's trying to comfort me!

Hotaru opened her mouth to say something, anything, but her head was suddenly empty and so she closed it again.

She's really trying to comfort me!

Hotaru shrugged her shoulders and lowered her head.

Of course she does. She's my best friend after all. Right? My best friend? Is she still my best friend? Really? After all what happened?

"Well... aunt Ami didn't say on the phone that he died. Maybe there were some complications and he's now feeling better?" suggested Hotaru and her voice was very silent. She saw again the small boy standing next to the shadow in the water's reflection. Laughing. Winking at her. Turning around. And disappearing.

"Sure." Answered Chibiusa. "Surely auntie Ami exaggerated again. You know her. She makes always an elephant out of a fly. And aunt Minako is the same bad. She's getting really hectic, too. Very easily." The princess nodded, suddenly determined that this was the best solution. The only solution she would accept.

"I am sure soon there'll be the phone call from hospital telling us that everything is fine."

Hotaru gulped and remembered how Ami stood there on the dark corridor in the middle of the night. How Minako tried to comfort her. How sad Ami's sobs sounded.

"Hai. That's the explanation." Slowly Hotaru freed out of that nice embracement she wished to stay forever and turned around to look into trustful pink eyes.

I can't be mad with her.

Hotaru automatically smiled back, still holding the remote control in her hands.

She's my best friend. I don't want to lose my best friend. Not her.

The black haired girl raised her hands and stroke some pink strands out of a redden face.

Better to have a friend than no one at all...

"You take control of the video while I wrap your gift."

"Oh, don't worry, Taru, I'll take it the way it is." Grinned Chibiusa and sat down on the bed again. She grinned as Hotaru took a big bag out of her wardrobe and stared very curiously at it.

"No, no. I'll wrap it."

"Do I need a sledge hammer to open it?" The innocent look of Chibiusa's pink eyes, her sulky mouth and the blinking of her eyelashes made Hotaru who had been very angry and hurt just half an hour ago laugh. "I mean, I could ask my daddy to open it. Or uncle Sejya... but then I'd have to walk all the long way to Crystal Tokyo... and I guess your gift is so heavy that I surely can't carry it longer than three steps." More grinning and Hotaru laughed even louder.

That's why I love your so much. She's always able to cheer me up.

Shortly pink and dark eyes met.

I like to hear her laughter. I don't like to see you so sad and alone.

Chibiusa grinned and giggled. Then she put away the remote control and stripped the yellow t-shirt she was wearing. With a big sigh she pulled a huge towel out of her big bag and soon the chair and the carpet around looked even more messed.

"You'll wrap my gifts and I'll take a shower in the meantime." Chibiusa showed Hotaru cheeky her tongue while she put the towel over her head. "Guess you don't want a stunk in your bed."

Before the dark haired girl could reply anything the bathroom door was closed and she was left alone. With Chibiusa's gift. And with her own thoughts.

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"Wrapping paper with teddy bears. How cute!" Chibiusa's eyes sparkled as she looked at her personal birthday gift. It wasn't wrapped the perfect way all the other gifts she got from all those political guys in the palace and surely it wouldn't be as expensive as all the gifts she would receive the next week during the official celebrations, but for Chibiusa it was the best gift she could get. Because she got it from her best friend. From her Taru. That counted more than all riches. Because this one, she was sure, was, just like her parents gifts, bought with a lot of love.

The princess sat on Hotaru's bed, her legs crossed. Several little packages laid in her lap. Chibiusa leaned against a big pillow. She only wore her big towel and her wet hairs fell over her shoulders. Of course she had her night grown but when she came out of the bathroom to search for it, Hotaru had already been there. Reading in a book. Waiting for her. Although the dark haired girl told her that she should get ready before opening her gift Chibiusa had been too curious to hear.

"What's in there?" Chibiusa took one package and shook it. Quickly she put it down when she saw how Hotaru's eyes grew wider. How her mouth formed to a silent protest.

"I carried it the whole way home and tried to get it into this box in one peace... how can you dare!" gasped Hotaru and grabbed for the package. "Surely it's now broken." She said with a very angry voice but the sparkle in her eyes betrayed her real feelings. "You aren't worth to have such a nice porcelain doll!"

"Hey, that's my gift!" was Chibiusa suddenly very busy to get it back. But Hotaru already slipped from the bed and danced through the whole room. Holding the gift over her head. Knowing that Chibiusa was smaller than she. That she wouldn't be able to reach it there.

"Surely one arm broke the way you had to throw it!" shouted Hotaru but couldn't hold back a giggle. "No one wants a doll with a broken arm."

"I do!" Chibiusa who was sure that she didn't hear anything as she shook the box, jumped from the bed, too. Her wet hairs swirled behind her as she chased a laughing Hotaru through the whole room. Hotaru didn't see another chance and opened the door and ran along the corridor. Chibiusa was right behind her. The princess only grabbed her towel tighter and rose it a little bit so that she could ran quicker.

"That's mine! You can't take it!" she shouted and had to giggle, too. "Taruuuu!"

Hotaru only laughed louder and jumped downstairs. Taking two steps at once. On the ground she turned around and saw how Chibiusa simply took the handrail and misused it as a slide. Pink eyes grew wide as she speeded up. She screamed but the next moment she already stumbled over the carpet and crashed into the next wall.

"Hahaha, that looked funny!" laughed Hotaru and danced again, holding the package high over her head. Her dark hairs were messed and her cheeks were redden. Her dark eyes sparkled and with that bright smile on her face she was simply beautiful.

"What..." Rei walked outside the kitchen and wanted to know what was going on. But the two girls only giggled again and Hotaru ran away. Partly running. Partly jumping. Chibiusa followed her with the same style. Only that she didn't want to jump. She stumbled to often over the carpet and it was a miracle that she didn't fall to the ground.

For some seconds Rei stood there. Remembering a small child. An ill child. An always pale child. Who wasn't loved by its father. Who was ignored by its classmates. Who was hated by the whole Sailor team because she had been Mistress nine. And Sailor Saturn, the senshi of death and destruction.

Now she's a happy, young girl.

Rei smiled before she returned into the kitchen again. Playing another card game May-chan loved so much. Yuki-chan won so often.

"Catch me, if you can." Laughed Hotaru and now ran through the swimming hall. Her mother was crazy about the water and she once had been taken part at the Olympic games when she had been at Hotaru's age. So they had a huge swimming pool in their house. There were glass doors all around that could be opened so that the sun and the salty sea air could come in. The water was calm and sparkled in the light of the setting sun.

"Catch your gift, if you can, little darling!" she stopped near the rim and danced again. Showing Chibiusa her tongue.

"Course I can!" panted Chibiusa and stretched her arms towards the gift. But she couldn't reach it. "Course I can!" repeated the princess and an evil grin appeared on her face as she lowered her hands. The next moment Hotaru burst out into laughter as the smaller girl started to tickle her.

"Okay... okay... mercy..." she laughed and wanted to give Chibiusa her gift as they both slipped on the wet ground. They both screamed and Hotaru felt how Chibiusa grabbed for her arms as they fell. She for herself tried desperately to hold the gift into the air. But she couldn't react any longer. The next moment she felt already the fresh water surrounding her body. Automatically she closed her mouth and held her breath. Knowing by all the bubbles around them that Chibiusa didn't do so.

So she let go of the box and grabbed the princess instead and pulled her over the surface. Chibiusa gasped hard for breath and for a moment startled pink eyes looked into shinning black ones. Hotaru held her with strong hands over the surface. A soft smile laid on her face. With a mysterious look the princess couldn't define the taller girl looked down at her. Wet hairs pasted on Hotaru's forehead and drops of water ran through her messed dark hairs. They sparkled in the setting sun's light like diamonds.

Like a little crown...

Chibiusa gulped. Not because of the water suddenly getting into her mouth as something appeared on the surface with a quiet pop.

She looks so beautiful.

Without thinking Chibiusa wanted to say something as Hotaru suddenly pushed her away. Dark eyes grew wide while she grabbed something that swam near to them. It was the now ruined package.

"Your birthday present..." jerked the dark haired girl and swam back to the rim. There she sat down and opened it quickly. Ignoring Chibiusa shouts that she wanted to open it. That it was her gift. That it didn't matter to her how it looked now. Because it had been her fault that they fell into the swimming pool.

She's still very fast.

Chibiusa gasped hard for breath as she finally reached the rim and sat down next to her best friend.

"That's cute..." she whispered, still panting, and grabbed the wet fur before Hotaru could hide it and maybe throw it away. "That's really cute." Chibiusa stroke over dark button eyes and looked for a long time down at the puppy in her hands. It was wet, very wet, but it was still okay. It simply needed a good hair-dryer and some rest. The long ears hang wet on her knees and the tail wasn't as wild as it had surely been.

She bought it for me because my mommy thinks that I am too young for an own dog.

"Arigato, Taru." Shortly Chibiusa embraced a suddenly very quiet Hotaru and stood up. She shook her wet hairs who hang now helplessly messed into her face and wrapped her towel once again around in her body. Determined she held the toy puppy tight and went over to the staircase. There she turned around and looked frowning back at her best friend who sat still on the rim and stared silent into the water. Without really seeing it.

She likes that toy.

Hotaru sighed slightly and wrapped her arms around her freezing body.

I wanted to give her something else... something special.

Again she saw the picture of Chibiusa and Helios in her mind. Knowing that she would never be able to give that special gift to her best friend. That she should throw it away and try to forget all this rubbish.

"Taru? Are you coming? You're wet all over. Better to get some dry clothes and take a look at the other gifts." Shouted Chibiusa and winked with the puppy in her hands. "He's really loving. I am still thinking of a proper name..."

Slowly Hotaru turned her head and looked over to her grinning friend.

Forgetting? How shall I forget my feelings? How shall I forget all those years?

She stood up and went over to Chibiusa who put the wet doggy on her head and laughed happily as she saw the puzzled look in Hotaru's face.

How shall I ever forget who I am?

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It was again in the middle of the night that she woke up. But this time there was no one on the corridor. Creeping in the dark's safety, trying hard not to cry too loud. There was no little girl running along the corridor, screaming loudly for her mother because she had a terrible nightmare. There was no couple giggling and teasing each other around stumbling downstairs to get something to eat - although there would be breakfast in about four hours.

Nani?

Hotaru yawned and sat up. She stroke some strands out of her tired face and rubbed her eyes. Shortly she glanced over to the huge window and saw some red lines colouring the dark horizon. The sea was as calm as mostly in summer but more birds sang now. They felt that a new day was near and welcomed it.

How late...

Hotaru turned around to look at her clock and almost fell out of her bed as she felt the person next to her. Laying under her own blanket, holding a now half dry puppy tight in her arms.

Little darling?

The dark haired girl frowned and looked for some seconds confused at her best friend having obviously a great dream. Chibiusa smiled and whispered some words Hotaru didn't quite understand. They sounded a little bit like "chocolate cake" and "five more minutes, mommy". A blanket and a pillow covered the carpet and several video cassettes laid before the screen. Just next to half eaten bars and some crisps.

Oh, yeah, we celebrated her birthday. Right, she sleeps this night here.

Hotaru yawned again and glanced at the clock. It was past four in the morning and although she felt very tired the girl knew that she wouldn't get any sleep the rest of the night. Partly because Chibiusa got now her blanket and even her pillow. Taking it away right under her head seemed to be what woke Hotaru up. Partly because Hotaru knew that she had to think. There were only a few days left and still she didn't know what to do. She was very confused an unsure. That feeling grew after she had seen Chibiusa and Helios being together.

"Schus gimme that..." whispered Chibiusa and turned around. She crawled herself up in a ball, leaving Hotaru no chance to get her blanket back. Because she had wrapped herself in it. Only her feet were free and Hotaru knew that her best friend would start to freeze within the next hour.

I wish I knew a solution.

Hotaru stroke through pink strands and sighed deeply. Then she stood up and got her bathrobe to pull it over her night-gown. Then she picked carefully the other blanket up and put it over Chibiusa's legs.

She thought of Ami and Minako - as she had done so often the passed days. Knowing that aunt Minako loved the young doctor. But that Ami didn't return her feelings. She only felt deep friendship, nothing more. Minako however didn't give up. She didn't push Ami to anything, but she was the whole time there. Caring for May-chan as if she was her own daughter. Caring for Ami whenever the young doctor came very late home from work. Whenever there had been problems with very ill patients. Whenever the young doctor worked too much and got high fever. Once Minako even cancelled a concert in China just to get home and to take care for her Ami as the young doctor came home one day and had so high fever that they had to call the ambulance. During the pregnancy of May-chan, Minako gave up her career - just to be there for her Ami-chan. She wrote some songs she later published together with Sejya, but she didn't leave Tokyo the whole year.

Hotaru knew that it wasn't anything bad that two women loved each other. Her parents were women and they were very happy with each other. Hotaru loved them with all her heart and Yuki-chan adored them. The whole family accepted them the way they were and hardly anyone ever dared to say anything bad about her daddy.

For them it's normal...

Hotaru simply stood in the darkness, staring down at Chibiusa sleeping deep and tight under all those blankets. Hugging her new puppy softly.

Because they're normal...

Hotaru gulped and shivered at the memory of the shadow. Haunting her all of her life. Looking at her in almost every mirror's reflection. She smashed all them when she was a small child but she knew that it was no solution. Because then it appeared in the water's reflection, in a shop window or even in other people's clear eyes. Hotaru hated herself for being so afraid of it but she simply couldn't turn around and facing the shadow who was surely standing right behind her. Laughing over her. Showing her so many persons she knew. She loved. She never wanted to lose. And other persons she didn't know.

Like Helios' parents.

After Chibiusa told her at supper that Helios's parents were very ill she suddenly knew whom she had seen in the shop's window. Embracing each other. Looking so friendly down at her.

Because they didn't see the shadow next to them.

Hotaru crossed her arms before her chest. They trembled. Her whole body trembled while she tried to hold back the tears burning in her eyes.

I see people dying, little darling. I see that anything bad is going to happen to them. And there are times when I am not around to prevent a tragedy.

Hotaru closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Remembering when she had been very young. Maybe five or six years old. She had seen that shadow, too. On the ground of a very clean pot. Next to a friendly old man she couldn't remember of ever having seen. Two hours later the telephone rang and when her daddy entered the kitchen she had been very pale. She only nodded when Michiru looked asking. Then Michiru embraced Haruka and held her tight. Simply tight. Hotaru didn't understand that time. But later on. Because that day her grandfather, Haruka's father had died. He laid for the last years in coma and there had been no hope for him to awake again. They all knew that he would die sooner or later but nevertheless it had been a great shock to the whole family.

I've seen him dying, little darling. And I couldn't help him.

Hotaru clenched her fists and took another deep breath.

I wish I was just a normal girl. Just like you. But I am not.

The tall girl opened her eyes again. They sparkled.

That's why I can't love you, little darling. Because I am freak. Someone who sees dead people. And a strange shadow...

Hotaru raised her head as she heard a door being carefully closed. Someone crept through the corridor and sneaked into another room. The tall girl smiled sadly as she recognized Minako's familiar steps. Slipping over in Ami's sleeping room.

Surely to comfort her.

Although Ami would try to make her go. Try to declare her that she was feeling fine. That she was alright. That she could handle the situation that her first patient died. A small boy who's life could have been so full of luck. Who simply died too soon. Minako wouldn't hear of Ami's words, as she never did. She would simply take her best friend into her arms and rock her gently. Telling her all the things the young doctor did for the young boy. That she gave him hope. That she made him laugh during the past year. That he lived a lucky life, even thought it had been very short. That sometimes they couldn't chance destiny. Not even as the best and most brilliant doctor the hospital of Crystal Tokyo ever had. Then Ami would simply give up and take the comfort Minako gave. Take all her feelings - without returning them. Sometimes Hotaru saw a very sad expression in Minako's eyes. Whenever Ami rejected her again. When she told her that May-chan was her daughter and that she should go on tour instead. That she shouldn't waste her life on a normal doctor like she was.

Mostly after such an argument Minako didn't respond anything. She only took May-chan to draw a new bunny with her. She didn't look back. She didn't say a word. Because she knew that Ami wouldn't understand. She once asked for her love as far as Hotaru knew. And Ami pushed her away.

She won't let herself getting that hurt again.

Hotaru sobbed quietly, again looking down at Chibiusa whispering some other words in her sleep. It took the tall girl a long time to understand what for a strange relationship her two aunts had. She thought that all people were like her parents or how the queen and the king. Full of energy and love. But slowly, very slowly she had to realize that they weren't. Not all people were that lucky. And while being together for almost all her life with the little princess Hotaru got to know that she wasn't one of those lucky persons.

I understand auntie Mina so well.

Hotaru gulped and wiped away some tears that escaped her sparkling eyes.

I don't want to live such a life. Waiting that some day someone would come and take her away from her.

That was Minako's greatest fear as much as Hotaru could consider. That Ami would get to know a smart man and walk away with him - taking May-chan with her. Still the young doctor was too occupied with her work to meet anyone who wasn't part of her big family or a patient. But she got older and soon she would recognize that there were other interests in her life. And maybe, that she needed someone to get a brother or sister for her daughter.

And it had been Hotaru's greatest fear, too. That Chibiusa would fall in love with someone else. Just like Helios. Today Hotaru got to know that her worst nightmare got real. That there was nothing anymore left she could try. That all her hope fell apart within just a few seconds.

I can't love you, little darling. Because you don't love me in return.

Hotaru stretched her shaking hand and stroke some pink strands out of a happily smiling face. There was a small sign on the forehead. A little, golden half moon. The birth mark everyone born in the Japanese royal family got it. A little moon that showed that Chibiusa was the princess of Crystal Tokyo. That she would become a beautiful queen one day. That she would give birth to sons and daughters and carry on with the traditions and the royal heir. She would stay in public very often. And she would handle it very well. She wasn't as clumsy as her mother but she had the same loving heart. As long as she got a husband who knew a lot about politics she would be a perfect queen. Being kind to the other kings and queens and presidents. Showing them her respect and smiling at them so that they only had to like her. And to like Japan automatically, too.

She can't use a scandal.

Hotaru knew that it was very hard to be a ruler. Many people failed, even in the western states. One president fell in love with a younger woman and tried to get divorced from his wife. It had been a great scandal and he was thrown out immediately. The state sank into chaos until they elected a new president. But queen Usagi and king Mamoru loved each other so much, there was no scandal coming up. The land was safe. So were its inhabitants.

A kingdom can't afford to have a lesbian queen or a gay king.

Hotaru stepped back from the bed and bit hard on her lower lip until it hurt.

That's why I can't love you, little darling. Because you're the future queen of Crystal Tokyo.

Hotaru opened carefully her drawer, grabbed three letters and quickly left her room. She went upstairs and opened the glass door that lead out into the garden. The horizon was now all red and orange and there were the first ray of lights shinning over the rim of the world.

I see people dying.

I know that you're in love with Helios.

And I am sure that you will be a great queen one day, little darling.

Hotaru ran through the garden and soon she felt cold sand under her naked feet. Felt the soft wind playing with her slightly curly hairs she didn't blow dry the last evening. Before her was the wide sea. Wild, independent, totally free.

Give me a solution, little darling, and I'll take it.

Hotaru held the three letters tight in her hands and looked down at her in the twilight. Again tears blurred her view but she didn't allow them to fall.

Tokyo.

Kyoto.

America.

She gulped and sat down in the cold but very soft sand. She loved it to sit here. To watch the sun rise here, near the huge, endless sea. She did it very often when she had been a small child and even now she stood up in the weekends at five in the morning just to watch it. To relax a little bit. To enjoy nature's beauty. And to forget her worries.

Forget...

She knew that she had to chance her life. Somehow. To be able to look into Chibiusa's eyes again without wanting to embrace her. To hold her. To kiss her. To confess her her deep feelings. To be able to show Helios the respect he owed as future king. To be able to be happy again. Not that strangely confused. Not that angry. Not so full of hate.

I should be happy for them.

But she couldn't. She knew she could never. Not as long as she was here. Not as long as Chibiusa was so friendly to her. Not as long as Helios lived in the Crystal Palace.

I need to forget all this stuff. To look at it from a distant view.

Tokyo.

Kyoto.

America.

I need to bury all those feelings and to try to start from the beginning on.

Hotaru took the first letter and ripped it apart. She watched how the wind took the pieces and how they swirled in the growing breeze.

Kyoto.

America.

Maybe she'll never be more to me than a little sister, than a good friend, but I don't want to lose her. Never.

The second letter was destroyed under her hands and very, very carefully she put the remaining one in her bathrobe's pockets.

America.

I need to bury my love deep inside me until it stops to hurt.

Slowly Hotaru got to her feet and walked for a long time in the flat water. Enjoying the nice cold around her feet. Feeling free and wild again. As she had felt when she had been a little child. Before she understood what the shadow meant. What it brought her every time it appeared. Before her breakdown two years ago when she had to give up so many things she loved. Slowly the sun set and when it left the ocean and shone with all its powers Hotaru returned to the light house by the sea. To make breakfast. And to tell her parents that she decided to go to such a private school. And which school she had chosen.

Gomen, little darling, but I didn't know another, a better solution.

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"Are you sure that you have everything, princess?" asked Michiru for the twentieth time and ignored the groaning of her wife who had to carry all those bags and suitcases. They were very heavy. They contained all the things their daughter would need during the next term in the private school.

"Hai." said Hotaru and held her dark back bag tighter in her arms. She felt strangely empty. Although it had been her choice. She had been so sure about it that morning three weeks ago. Now she was suddenly afraid and didn't want to leave.

It's better that way.

Again she saw Helios and Chibiusa standing there in the garden and knew that she had to do it.

"Your school books, your normal clothes, your school uniform, your good clothes... did you take the nice dress we bought last week? And..." her mommy talked the whole time but one look into Michiru's pale face told Hotaru that she only talked because she didn't know what to do else. She didn't want to see her daughter leave. Nor did Haruka who didn't say anything the last days. At least nothing that could have been important. She only sat there at the set table and looked thoughtful at Hotaru while Minako and May-chan talked the whole time excitedly.

They don't want to let me go. Not really.

They had a long discussion after Hotaru told them that she really wanted to visit the private school in America. Haruka only raised her eyebrow and listened silently to what her daughter had to tell her while Michiru tried to convince her to go at least to the Kyoto's school. That was only some hours away with Haruka's style of driving their Ferrari. But America... that was almost half a day away - by plane. Thy couldn't simply visit her. Nor could she simply return.

Hotaru explained them that it was a good chance for her to improve her English. To get to know foreign students. Because there wouldn't be only American students but people from all the world. That the American doctors knew a lot and that she wanted to learn there to be prepared for university. That it was a challenge for her and that she wanted to take it.

"I have everything, mommy." Declared Hotaru but had to gulp as she watched how her daddy gave all those bags and suitcases to a young man who carried them away to her plane. The tall blonde looked very pale and didn't know what to do with her hands. So she simply put them into her pockets and looked expectantly around. Waiting for what would happen during the next minutes. Until her plane would start.

"If not, just call and we'll send it to you, princess." Michiru took a deep breath and tears sparkled in her blue eyes. But she had promised herself not to cry. It was only for one year she told herself. Hotaru would return. She was sixteen, almost seventeen. She was old enough to discover the world. To go away from her parents and to make her own way. Michiru told herself for the thousands time that she had to let her go. She loved her so much and that was why she had to let her go. Even if it broke her heart.

"'Course, mommy." Now there was a big lump in Hotaru's throat and unsure she plucked at her dark t-shirt. People hurried by. It was very busy on the airport, but the three people didn't notice it. Hotaru already said goodbye to all her relatives. Yuki-chan was at home, because she was too small for the big airport. Aunt Ami, of course, gave her a book about the English language and Minako and Sejya some CDs for her discman. Makoto made some sandwiches and Rei gave her a personal talisman. Only the royal family couldn't say goodbye. Because they had a very important meeting and weren't allowed to leave the palace yet. Hotaru was very relieved that she didn't have to see Chibiusa again before she left. Her best friend who didn't know that she left to America. Chibiusa still thought that Hotaru would go to a school in Tokyo or at least near Tokyo, somewhere in Japan.

Why didn't I tell her?

Hotaru sighed deeply and the next moment she found herself in her mommy's arms. Michiru squeezed her hard and the tall girl felt how her mommy trembled. There were now more tears in blue eyes but still the famous musician didn't cry.

A female voice told them over the loudspeaker that they should get ready to get into the plane. Some people around them hurried up and ran past them. Hotaru felt how Michiru let her very, very slowly go. Shortly she gave her a kiss on her cheek and smiled bravely at her.

"... love you..." Michiru didn't manage to say any more words. She only squeezed her daughter's icy hand again and stepped back. She knew if she didn't let go right now she wouldn't be able to do it ever.

"Love you, too, mommy." Hotaru gulped again and got more nervous as she glanced over to her daddy. Haruka stood there and only looked at her. Without saying anything. As she had done during the whole day. The past weeks she talked at least the important things but today she was simply silent. Hotaru knew that her daddy wasn't angry with her. It was only that she wasn't so good in words and she simply didn't know what to say. But now she came over to her and hugged her, too. But not as hard as her mommy. It was a very soft embrace.

Dark green eyes sparkled seriously as Haruka looked straight into her daughter's face. Seeing again the little baby of nearly half a year lying in her arms. Seeing again a cute tomboy sitting on her first mountain bike and terrifying her mother. Seeing again a cute little girl winning her first cup in swimming. Seeing again a tall girl showing cheeky her tongue towards her and laughing when she was chased by her daddy. Seeing again her daughter sitting behind the steering wheel of her formula one racer and grinning happily, making loud "broum, broum" sounds. Seeing now a grown girl, almost a woman, who stood right before her. With big dark eyes. Ready to face her future. To go her own way.

But never alone, princess. Never all alone, be sure.

"If there're any problems, Himme-chan, call us. I'll be there in ten hours."

Hotaru looked blank at her daddy, knowing that Haruka meant her words. That she would be indeed go over to America to help her. And, if necessary, to take her back. Home.

Home...

Himme-chan...

Hotaru felt how tears burned in her eyes and mumbled something that sounded like "Arigato." Then the female voice of the loudspeaker remembered the guests that it was time to get into their planes.

"Guess it's now time to leave, Himme-chan. Take care of yourself." Haruka messed her dark hairs and managed to smile.

Spread your wings, little glow worm.

"Take care of mommy, Yuki-chan and yourself, daddy." Whispered Hotaru. Then she held her back bag tighter and simply turned around. To go through the gate. And to disappear out of her parent's view. For the next months. Maybe even for the next year.

"TARU!"

She froze in motion as she heard the high voice shouting through the whole hall.

"Taru..."

It can't be. It simply can't...

Hotaru knew that Chibiusa had a very important meeting with her parents and the president of south Africa. She couldn't simply leave the Crystal Palace. She wasn't allowed to. If she did, she would be in big trouble.

"Taru... wait..."

Shortly Hotaru glanced over her shoulder and her chin dropped as she saw the pink haired girl running towards Haruka and Michiru. Her hairs were opened and messed. Surely she lost her hairpins on her run. The white, official dress she was wearing, was dirtied and her face was red. Tears were running down her cheeks. She looked shocked. Really sad.

Little darling...

Hotaru gulped. Why didn't she go back? Why didn't she cancel the whole thing and go to the Tokyo's private school instead? Why didn't she tell Chibiusa everything and wait for her answer? Why didn't she risk it? Maybe she was lucky. Maybe...

The tall girl shook her head as she saw again the picture of Chibiusa and Helios embracing each other.

You've got your boyfriend, little darling.

Hotaru gulped and saw how Chibiusa ran past her parents but was hold back from a friendly, but strict young man who wouldn't let her through. Because she didn't have a ticket.

And I've got to forget.

"Taru! Wait! Please! Please..."

The tall girl clenched her fists and simply walked away. Followed some other passengers over to the plane that would take her away from her home. Her family. Hopefully her fears, too.

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The dark car drove away. Chibiusa didn't even try to fight against her bodyguards as they forced her into the car and back to the Crystal Palace. She only cried and looked very, very angry. And hurt.

"That'll be hers..." whispered Michiru and raised her head to the cloudless sky above. A plane just started and quickly it got tinier and tinier.

They offered Chibiusa to drive her home before her bodyguards arrived but the princess only shook her head, sat down on the staircase in front of the airport and waited. With tears in her eyes. Not even Michiru could comfort her.

"She's now flying... just like a little bird..." Now, finally, Michiru could let her tears fall. Soon her face was wet and her whole body trembled. She felt how her wife embraced her and simply held her tight.

"But I know that she'll return... I know..." sobbed the famous violinist and grabbed her lover's icy hands. "Guess now I know how your mother must have felt, Ruka."

Yeah. Guess you're right, Michi-chan.

Haruka gulped but her eyes didn't leave the plane flying higher and higher. A silver line in an blue, deep sky.

That's part of being parents, too. To let the children leave some day.

But nevertheless Haruka didn't get rid of the feeling that Hotaru didn't leave voluntarily. That she wanted to stay. That she would rather visited the Tokyo's private school.

That's nonsense. She would have told you, wouldn't she? You're simply too sad to see her go away. So far away. To see your little baby finally growing up.

Haruka took a deep breath as the plane finally disappeared behind the horizon. Automatically she held her sobbing wife tighter and placed little kisses in sea green hairs.

"It's like losing a part of myself." Was all she managed to say. Michiru looked at her for a long time in silence, still tears streaming over her face. Then she nodded and took Haruka's hand. Slowly they went over to the silver Ferrari. Knowing that they would buy a huge package of writing paper.

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