Don't ya know

by aprileagle

COMPLETE! Life can be hard. Especially when you are a teenager. When you see strange shadows. When you realize that you are a little bit different from the other girls in your class. When you recognize that you are in love with your best friend...

4. Chapter 3: Having a ball

Chapter three: Having a ball

Soft music filled the air. A low man sung. Accompanied to a tender violin play. Nothing more could be heard. Not even the groaning of the person sitting on a desk. The window was closed, but the curtain hang aside. To show the tree standing outside. Wind took the last coloured leaves away and the sky was grey. Although it was only late afternoon the sun was setting soon. The days got shorter, the nights longer. Winter came nearer. Just like Christmas.

Christmas...

The person shortly looked up from the folder in front of her. A lot of crumbled sheets laid around on the soft carpet. One ball even landed in a cage on the ground. The brown guinea pig sniffed for a brief second at it, then it turned bored around and searched for food in its wooden house.

Christmas. Just two more weeks.

Pink eyes looked thoughtfully out to a framed picture standing right in front of her. The girl sighed deeply, chewing for a long time on her pencil. While her uncle sang another romantic song in the background.

What shall I give her?

The girl sighed again and rubbed her tired eyes. She didn't sleep well the last nights. As she didn't sleep well since that very day in September. Strange nightmares let her wake up mostly at midnight and it was hard for her to find sleep again.

What does she want?

What does she need?

In silence she stared at the picture of a black haired girl. Her best friend. Once. It seemed to be a long, a damn long time ago that she last spoke to her. That she last laughed with her. That she last simply sat there and looked at her. Saw her smile. Saw the sparkle in those beautiful purple eyes.

Will she return for Christmas?

For a moment she felt the old panic growing again inside her chest. The panic she felt the whole autumn. That her best friend went away and would never return at all. That she would left her alone in Japan. That a big ocean, that thousands of miles would separate them. For ever.

But last week Haruka and Michiru received the first letter from their daughter. Full with funny sentences. Full with postcards and descriptions of a world the girl didn't know. She asked the famous violinist if she was allowed to read that letter, too. Michiru only smiled and handled it to her. The princess read it again and again. She spent the whole afternoon at the light house by the sea, sitting on a big couch next to a giggling May-chan letting a happy laughing Miyuki win a card game. It was dust when she could finally put the letter away. Only three pages that told them that Hotaru was fine. That she felt happy in America. That she found new friends. And that she missed her once best friend not at all.

She didn't even mention my name!

Tears stood in pink eyes while she stroke softly over the glass of the frame. As if she wanted to stroke through dark hairs that felt like velvet. That always smelled so nice from Hotaru's shampoo. So sweet...

She doesn't miss me at all!

The girl took the pencil again in her hands and concentrated again on the few lines she'd written so far. But it all sounded wrong. It was now almost a month that she tried to write a simple letter. To her best friend who was so far away. Whom she missed madly. It was only a simple letter and she had written thousands of such letters to Hotaru when they went to the same school. To exchange them during the break and to answer them during the lessons. But now it was suddenly very hard for the princess to write anything down. It was almost impossible.

What shall I write?

What does she want to hear?

Chibiusa chewed again on her pencil and wiped quickly away a tear that escaped her eyes.

I miss her like hell and she doesn't even ask how I am feeling!

The princess sighed deeply and threw the pencil away. Then she stood up and went over to her bed. She simply let herself fall on the soft mattress and closed her eyes. A smile formed on her lips as she remembered how Hotaru and she often had laid on her bed. This way. To speak about important and not so important things. About total nonsense. To giggle. To laugh. To tease each other around. And sometimes, to comfort each other. Hotaru often comforted Chibiusa when she had a bad mark in maths. She wasn't born to be a genius with numbers, but she had a clear voice and everyone wanted her to visit the choir. And she liked books. First she was sceptical about so many pages, about so many words. But Hotaru learned her to love them. When she had been smaller and Hotaru learned to read, she read all those stories for a smaller Chibiusa. And when Chibiusa finally was able to read they read together. Aloud. Everyone got her favourite character and had to read those lines aloud.

It had been so much fun.

Chibiusa turned around and pulled the blanket over her head. She could remember so many times when she had laid this way, too. Next to a sleeping Hotaru after they watched a horror movie until late in the night. Until after midnight. Hotaru had never any fear about those thrillers. She could sleep like an angel while Chibiusa feared that a vampire would fly right through the window to bite her. In those nights she crept under her best friend's blanket. She crept into Hotaru's warm embrace and felt safe and secure there. There she knew that no one would ever hurt her. There she knew that no vampire could ever come near. No zombie would ever be able to take her to its grave.

But now she's not here.

Chibiusa wrapped her arms around her waist and started again to freeze. Somehow she couldn't get warm again. Not since that morning shortly after her birthday. When she woke up at dawn and Hotaru was simply gone. The big bed had been empty and the whole day Chibiusa had have the feeling that Hotaru was avoiding her.

And then she ran away.

Chibiusa gulped and remembered again their real last day together. Before Chibiusa spent the next days in the palace with some official meetings and Hotaru simply flew away. Had there happened anything special? Anything that made Hotaru ran away? Because the princess couldn't get rid off the feeling that the dark haired girl ran away. From something. Or someone?

From me?

Chibiusa opened her eyes and stared blank at the wall. At a poster she once got from her best friend. It showed the endless sky. One eagle was flying above the mountain's tops. Suddenly she remembered Hotaru's reaction when she went into the room and embraced her. Because she wanted to comfort her for that the little boy had died. To comfort and simply to hold her. She liked it a lot to be near her Hotaru. To hold her. To lean on her in the night when she was afraid of every shadow moving along the ceiling. To watch her. To listen to her. To see that tender smile on her face.

Did I go too far?

Chibiusa sighed again and pressed her hands on her eyes.

Too far? With what?

She rolled on her back and took a deep breath. Helios was right. She should simply write what she thought. What was in her mind. No matter if it was important or not. No matter if it was interesting or not. As long as it was for her interesting. She should write about her days at school, about all the politicians. About her family situation and how it changed during the past weeks. About the whole palace and all friends getting excited about the coming Christmas. About Minako and Sejya having another concert. About Haruka winning another race. About May-chan and Yuki-chan making a delicious cake together with auntie Makoto. About Michiru having big rehearsals during the past time. About Rei and the queen arguing a lot – as always. About Ami working hard and long. About simply what happened in Tokyo. In her little world.

And in my heart?

She wasn't sure what she should write. What exactly. She already wrote about ten pages, but they all sounded wrong. The more she wrote the more she felt uncomfortable.

Maybe she doesn't want to read it? Maybe she will throw it away? Maybe she won't answer me? Maybe...

Chibiusa sighed even deeper and blinked as the door was pushed open. A shinning person stepped into and the princess closed groaning her eyes. She didn't want to talk to her mother now. She was always too happy, too shinning for the girl. Especially when Chibiusa was in such a bad mood.

"What are you doing, small lady?" asked Usagi smiling and looked curious over to the desk. "Homework?"

"Nope. I am done with that."

"Did you understand them or shall daddy help you?"

"Nope, it's fine."

Usagi frowned at her daughter's annoyed sounding voice. But she forgot it when she read the few lines written on the blank sheet of paper.

"A letter to Hotaru?" the queen sat down and took the pencil without thinking. "That's cute that you write her. I am sure she'll be happy to hear from you." Usagi giggled and started to write. "And from me..."

Chibiusa sat upright the next moment and jumped out of the bed. With two steps she was next to her mother and grabbed the letter while her mother was still drawing a little figure with two odangos and a smile on its face as wide as its cheeks.

"That's my letter. How can you dare?" she snapped and held the paper behind her back. "You can't simply draw into other people's stuff! Make your own letter if you want to write her! Maybe you're happy and she'll answer you!"

Usagi's blue eyes looked thoughtfully at her daughter. In silence. For a long time that made Chibiusa feel uncomfortable.

"You miss her, right?" asked the queen after a long while, but Chibiusa didn't want to talk about the whole topic. Not now. And especially not with her mother. Who would never understand her. As long as Chibiusa didn't understand it by herself, she wouldn't tell anyone else. No matter how curious or symphathic her mother looked at her!

"I am sure she'll return for Christmas and then you'll see her again. It's only this one year. And it's good for her school exams and for her future career."

Lies! Only lies! She had never been like aunt Ami! She would have never...

Chibiusa held the letter tighter in her arms and turned her head away. She couldn't stare into her mother's shinning face any longer.

She left you! She would do anything she wants to do! She doesn't take care of other people! She...

"Mommy? Can you please help me?" The door was pushed open and Helios stood there. He wore the shirt of his official uniform the wrong way and looked really helpless. This evening was a very important ball in the palace and Helios wanted to take part at it, too. For the first time. He wanted to look perfect on such an event like this one.

Usagi hesitated and looked sceptically at her daughter.

"Please..." Helios held his trousers and jumped through the whole room. Usagi giggled and finally took his right arm and helped him out of the room – without loosing his clothes and the rest of his pride.

"If you need us, small lady, we're in Helios' room." She said and it sounded more like a promise. The promise to be there whenever her daughter needed her. "I need to take care of my son."

Promise. Hotaru promised me so much, too! And she didn't hold any of them!

Chibiusa closed the door behind the two and leaned against it. Taking a deep breath. Feeling again those tears in her eyes.

She promised me that we would go to the same school. That we would go to the same university one day. That we would take a double room there. That we would watch horror movies the whole evenings there. That Hotaru would make her famous chocolate cake. That it would be a funny time. And now?

Now she was alone. All alone. No one understood her. Chibiusa didn't even understand herself why she missed her best friend that much. Was it because they spent all their childhood together? Was it because their parents were so good friends? Was it because Chibiusa simply didn't feel complete when her strong Taru wasn't around?

What the hell!

Chibiusa sighed deeply and looked down at her letter. Ready to erase all the things her mother wrote and drew down. The odango person looked strange and there was a long line that went over the whole page. Surely drawn when Chibiusa grabbed for the block and took it away. There were some words written above. Some greetings. From Usagi and her husband. From all the others. There was one line that was typical for the queen of Crystal Tokyo. She said that to everyone. And meant it. In her special way she meant it to everyone who crossed her way.

We love you, Hotaru-chan.

Only a single line. A single sentence. A simple one for the queen. An easy one. She loved all persons. All friends, all relatives. All of her people. Only Mamoru owned her heart.

Love...

Chibiusa couldn't tell how long she stared at the line her mother wrote. Until it blurred. Until tears wetted the letter.

Love...

The princess took a deep breath and slowly she went again to her desk and sat down. Staring again at all the words she had already written. Carefully she folded them and put them into an envelope. Then she took a new sheet and started to write. This time a little bit faster. With burning cheeks.

Love... maybe I should really write what I think.

What I feel...

dbdbdb

It was December. Hotaru knew that it was December. Her calendar told her that it should be cold outside. That the leaves should lay on the ground and that the trees should look naked and grey. But this land was different. Here autumn had just begun. It was still very warm outside. Not as hot as it had been in September but still it was so warm it would have never been in Japan at this time of the year. The trees were coloured and the sun was still very powerful. There no sign of any snow and as some American people told her this was a state which never saw real snow. Only some little snow flakes in the night which melted away when dawn came.

It was a complete different land. A complete different nature. A complete different way of life. But some traditions stayed the same. Almost overall in the world. Just like Christmas.

Hotaru gulped as she and Marie crossed the schoolyard. Again they had swim lessons and the girls weren't very happy about that. Marie was too afraid to jump from the tower and Hotaru was simply tired of Cindy's silly arguments that she was lazy. That she was a coward. That she thought that she was something special only because she was an exchange student from Japan.

Christmas...

Hotaru turned her head and looked at the big tree they planted right on the school yard some days ago. It was a fir. A big, green fir. Certainly for the Christmas festival. To be decorated for the holidays. Some traditions simply stood the same. Even if it was too hot for a Santa Clause in a thick, warm, red jacket. Even if no kid here knew how to use a sleigh.

Christmas...

The dark haired girl lowered her head and sighed deeply. Still she didn't know what she should do. Simply going home for the holidays? For whole two weeks? To see Helios and Chibiusa together? Giggling and maybe kissing the whole Christmas eve?

What shall I give them?

Hotaru didn't even have one single present although her classmates already started to buy or to make them. Marie started to knit a scarf one week ago. It was made out of different screaming colours and looked simply great. It was for her big brother who didn't need it in Africa where he studied. But he froze whenever he returned home. Because he froze like hell in France – even in the summer.

He returns whenever he has time. Shall I return, too?

Hotaru looked away from the firm that would become their Christmas tree and clenched her fists. It would be her first Christmas without her family and she wasn't sure if she really wanted to spent it here. Without Marie who would go to France for those two weeks. But also without Cindy who would visit her family.

Family...

Daddy and mommy...

Hotaru lowered her head and looked thoughtful at her shoes. She missed her parents a lot. More than she had imagined before she came to America. She missed it to be waken up by her crazy sister simply jumping in her bed. And sometimes even in her stomach. She missed it to sit sleepy in the morning at the table and eating the delicious breakfast her mommy made. Seeing her daddy sitting the same sleepy opposite. Teasing Yuki-chan and May-chan around. She missed it to be taken to school by her daddy's fast Ferrari. To hear crazy punk music. To hear Haruka singing along with the male voices. To laugh whenever Haruka could trick the police. She missed it to listen to her daddy's piano play and to her mommy playing the violin.

Daddy and mommy...

They had always been there for her. Whenever she needed them. Even when she didn't say a word. The day she came home with a blue eye because Akane beat her, her parents didn't ask further. Her mother took care for her and her injure while her father drove to the school and shouted angrily around. Only Michiru could hinder her to kill some persons. Especially the principal who was simply an asshole as Haruka often called him. But nevertheless Yuki-chan would go to this school, too. Because it was the best one in Tokyo.

Daddy and mommy...

They had always been there for her. But no Hotaru wasn't any longer at home. No she wasn't any longer in Japan. She was far away. Thousand of miles away. Her parents couldn't help her any longer. They couldn't cheer her up any longer. The dark haired girl felt strangely alone. Empty. Abounded.

You wanted it that way!

Hotaru bit on her lower lip. Again she saw the cute couple under the cherry tree. Embracing each other. Slowly the tall girl shook her head.

It had been the only acceptable decision I could make.

Where three, almost four months enough to face Chibiusa again? Was Hotaru now strong enough to see her best friend, her secret love, kissing that Helios? Could she simply sit in her parent's living room next to a sparkling Christmas tree when Chibiusa and Helios behaved like a young couple being in love?

"Do you already know w'at you will wear to the Christmas promotion?" asked Marie who walked next to her and awoke her from her bad thoughts.

"Christmas promotion?" Hotaru frowned and wondered if she missed something.

"Oui. It'll take part in the last week before Christmas. In about two weeks." Giggled Marie. "Didn't you listen to Susan's words yesterday? O', I forgot, you read a book w'ile we talked." The French girl giggled even more. She knew that her best friend could drown in her own world when she read a book. Or when she listened to music. Then her body was still in this world but her soul, her whole being left and where somewhere else. Where no one could reach her. But that was okay for Marie. She forgot the real world, too. Whenever she sat on a horse's back.

"T'ere'll be live music, delicious food and everyone wants to show 'ow beautiful 'e or she is." They both looked at each other and imagined Cindy in an expensive looking dress. Both had to grin. "Or in Cindy's case to show 'ow rich and important she is. Guess I'll simply wear my pink dress I brought from 'ome. It's too expensive to buy a new one – just for one evening."

Hotaru nodded slowly and remembered the nice dress her mother gave her shortly before she flew away. It was made out of dark velvet and covered her feed. The sleeves where long and wide and looked like wings. Surely it had cost a fortune but Hotaru wasn't sure if she really wanted to wear it. She looked so female in it. A way she didn't feel at all.

"Oh, and we need a partner to go t'ere. The first girls already asked some boys and some other girls simply stared so long at the desired boy until he came over and asked. " giggled Marie and swung her bag through the air.

A partner?

Panic rose inside Hotaru. She didn't know a boy she could ask. Nor did she want to ask or even being asked. She didn't want to go to that promotion. Not with a boy. Not with anyone else. Cindy didn't like her and Hotaru was suddenly sure that she would try everything to make that evening terrible for her.

"Why don't you go and ask that Kevin?" asked Hotaru and tried to get rid of the feeling inside her stomach. Some traditions never changed, even if she was thousands of miles away. A Christmas promotion was tradition. Especially in a land like America.

We had promotions at home, too.

Hotaru sighed deeply and closed her eyes for a moment when a picture crossed her mind. The picture of a beautiful girl in a dark red dress. Laughing happily. Grabbing her hands and swirling around with her.

Now she has Helios to dance with...

"Kevin?" Marie blushed deeply. Then she started a little bit embarrassed to laugh. "Do you really t'ink so?" She winked at Hotaru and started to run. They had again swim lessons today and were only some meters away from the swimming hall.

Surely you want to go with him to the promotion, Marie-chan. I can see the love sparkling in your eyes whenever you talk about his horse – and him.

But Hotaru was wise enough not to ask Marie. It was the French girl's business and Hotaru was sure when Kevin was the nice guy Marie described him, it was only a matter of time until they were a couple.

The tall girl held her own swim bag tighter and followed her French friend.

Ten minutes later the lessons begun. Hotaru swam in the water, feeling embarrassed and humiliated while the others did special tasks. Jumping from the tower, doing some special moves in the deep water. Hotaru wasn't even allowed to go there. She had to stay where the water was flat. Just like a small child. And as if that wasn't already enough humiliation, Cindy used every chance to complaint about the Japanese girl. About the exchange pupil who seemed to get extra treatment.

"How is it, Hotawu? Is the water warm enough for you? Hope you won't drown. It's sooooo dangerous deep over there! Maybe it should be better to ask for a swimming ring. Just in case." Then she and her best friends started to laugh. Until the teacher returned from the phone. Hotaru tried to ignore them while she did her turns in the nice fresh water. But Cindy stared at her. Just like her two friends, Brenda and Caroline. It made it impossible for Hotaru at least to try to enjoy it being in the water. The element she loved so much when she had been younger. The element she had felt safe. Until that day two years ago.

Ten more minutes and Hotaru was allowed to leave the water. The teacher didn't let her swim more than twenty minutes. The time the doctor gave her for each swim lesson. Hotaru asked her once for some more minutes, but Linda only said that she had responsibility for her. And that she didn't want to call her parents up to tell them that she drowned. So Hotaru took her bathrobe and wrapped herself into the soft cloth. Trying hard to ignore Cindy's angry shouting. Just like Marie's French accent trying to make the politician's daughter shut up.

Marie's a real friend.

Hotaru smiled slightly while she went over to the changing room.

She argues with Cindy. Only to defend myself.

The tall girl rubbed herself try and got into her school uniform again. Her dark eyes shone sad as she started to brush her hairs. They grew during the past weeks. Now they hang over her shoulders and normally Hotaru should have gone to a hairdresser. But somehow she wasn't in the mood for it. She simply put her hairs together in a knot in her neck and didn't care about them any longer. She didn't know if she really wanted to have long hairs. Longer than her shoulders. Her mommy cared for her appearance when she had been younger and she simply let them this way when she got older. But today, it all seemed to be senseless. She had other problems than the length of her hair.

"I 'ate that person!" Marie stepped into the changing room. Her towel hang around her shoulders and little poodles formed under her feet as she crossed the room. "Linda just gave me two minutes to go to t'e bat'room." Marie smiled admiring at Hotaru's dark hairs. She was blonde, but always wanted to have black hairs. But her mother didn't allow her to colour them. Secretly Hotaru agreed Marie's mother. Marie looked great with her long, blonde hairs. And with her crazy clothes. Just like a bright sunshine.

"I wanted to ask you if you want to come to the 'orse farm this afternoon. You don't 'ave to ride, 'otaru. I just want to introduce you to Kevin and to Sara'."

"Okay." Hotaru who simply couldn't say no to a smiling Marie put her hairbrush down and nodded. Marie shortly squeezed her, then she turned around and went back to the door.

"And don't forget your camera." she laughed and returned to the swimming hall.

I won't, Marie. I won't.

Hotaru looked again into the mirror to brush her still wet hairs. Seeing her sad, dark eyes looking thoughtful back at her. Again she thought about Christmas and if she should return home. If she was strong enough to face the mess her life had become during August.

Again she didn't find a suitable answer.

dbdbdb

"Sit!" Hotaru crossed her arms before her face and stumbled some steps back. But the horse didn't stop. Instead it came nearer and nearer. That big, dangerous looking animal. It was about two heads taller than Hotaru who was herself not the smallest girl. And it chewed. Surely it wanted to bit her. To kick with his long legs after her. To kill her.

"Sit!" The camera fell into the soft straw and Hotaru's eyes grew wide as she felt the wall in her back. "Sit!" But the horse didn't react. It came nearer and nearer. And started to rub its big head on Hotaru's chest as if it was searching for something. The tall girl believed to die right now.

"'otaru. T'at's not a dog." Laughed Marie and came running over to them. Unafraid she petted the big neck of the horse and her eyes sparkled as Sarah rubbed her big head on her chest. "You're greedy, Sara'. I don't 'ave any sugar."

Shortly Hotaru observed her French friend. She wore special boots, leather pants and a wide t-shirt. Of course it was screaming pink and doesn't fit to the rider outfit at all. But it fitted perfectly Marie. A dark helmet throned in her blonde hairs she had put together to a plaid. Her cheeks were redden and she whispered loving words to the horse in a language Hotaru didn't understand.

"Have fun..." marbled the tall girl and grabbed her camera again. And used her chance to escape. She stepped towards the door that leaded into the riding hall. There she felt saver. Still she could see Marie who climbed now on that big horse. It looked very professional. As if Marie had done that a thousand of times before. Automatically Hotaru raised her camera and took a photo. Normally she wasn't so crazy on taking photos. Her daddy and especially uncle Sejya made most of the family photos. To every birthday, every big event they danced through the whole house and made photos. Haruka didn't really take part in Sejya's wedding. Only behind her camera. Michiru argued with her the whole day but in the end those photos were the best. Because no one really saw Haruka standing there with the camera. They all behaved normal. And so it came that Haruka could make a photo of Rei who enflamed the candles with her fireball. A photo of the queen who stole a cherry from the cake before Sejya and Kakyuu could cut it. A photo of Minako feeding a little May-chan who sat on her lap with an wide opened mouth. Ami sat right next to them and held a towel in her hands to help them if her daughter missed the spoon. She smiled and looked really happy. The only picture Hotaru knew when her aunt didn't look sad, empty or simply tired. There she had been ful of life. Just like Minako always was.

Daddy made a picture of me dancing with little darling.

They had been young, almost children. Twelve and eleven years. But they tried to dance like the adults. Giggling Hotaru remembered all those times they stumbled and almost fell down. And such a stumble – Haruka put it on a photo for eternity.

We've had laughed so much that day. We've had been so happy...

"Hello. You must be Hotaru. The one Marie is talking about so much."

Hotaru swirled around because she didn't have hear anyone come. A boy leaned against the wall. He was her age, maybe a little bit older. His short brown hairs were messed and he wore the same leather clothes like Marie. His dark eyes sparkled as he stretched his hand towards her. She took it and shook it. And bowed. She simply couldn't get rid of that tradition. She was sixteen, almost seventeen. She had bowed all of her life to say hello to a stranger. But he didn't laugh. Only a few people didn't laugh over her sometimes silly looking behaviour. And he pronounced her name the right way.

"I am Kevin. It's nice to meet you."

"So you're the owner of the horse Marie fell in love with?" teased Hotaru and lifted her camera and made a photo of him, too. He blushed like a little boy and Hotaru was sure that her French friend would want this photo.

"Sarah." Kevin laughed and looked over to the hall. Seeing Marie riding. He waved his hand and she shortly waved back. "Marie likes her a lot."

"And you like Marie." Hotaru made another photo and envied Marie a little bit. For her it was possible to find someone. She was a smart girl. A beautiful girl. A normal girl. The way Kevin blushed now showed Hotaru that she had been right.

It's your own fault! Why can't you fall in love with another girl?

But Hotaru couldn't. She knew she couldn't simply love anyone else than her little darling. All those years they

spent together, all the things they had done. She simply couldn't forget that. But she knew that she had. Somehow. Some day.

Marie rode over to them and Hotaru automatically stepped back. Her eyes grew big again. She couldn't trust such a big animal. High towers, fast cars – those were no problems for her. She could control them. It was only matter of knowledge and technique. But a living animal – such a big one – was unforeseeable. It wasn't like Chibiusa's guinea pig. That was nice and small. And only wanted to be petted. But Sarah, the horse didn't even look cute. It didn't fit on Hotaru's hand. And those teeth, they looked very dangerous to her.

"Hey, 'otaru. Why don't you ride, too?" invited Marie and petted again the big horse's neck. "Sara' is really nice and she won't let you fall."

"No, thanks..." Hotaru shook her head and stepped again some steps back. Seeing Kevin's amused smile although he tried to hide it. There weren't a lot of people who weren't crazy about horses. Maybe they didn't have those animals in Japan.

"Comon, 'otaru. I can stay on Sara', too. To guide her. You only 'ave to 'old on 'er."

"It's really not a big deal, Hotaru." Now Kevin was speaking, too, but Hotaru only shook her head again.

"That's very nice of you two, but I already had swimming today and my doctor doesn't allow me to do more sport on one day." Hotaru held her camera tighter and sighed deeply. Surely Marie would feel pity with her. Because all people did when they asked what she had and why she wasn't allowed to make a lot of sport any longer.

"Okay, it's your decision." Marie smiled at her. "But don't forget to take some photos." With those words the French girl waved her hand and turned the big horse around. Soon she fell into gallop and it looked very dangerous. But the same time very beautiful.

"She is very talented." Commented Kevin and put his hands into his pockets. Silently he watched Marie. With an expression in his face Hotaru had seen so many times before in her life. Whenever her daddy looked at her mommy. Whenever Sejya held his princess tight. Whenever she saw the queen and the king of Crystal Tokyo. That expression was even on Minako's face when she was sure that no one saw her staring at the young doctor.

No one ever looked at me that way.

"Hai, she is..." answered Hotaru absent.

Little darling will never look a me that way.

dbdbdb

Pling.

Pling.

Pling.

Plong.

Pling.

Plong. Plong. Plong.

Haruka smiled as she recognized the rhythm. It was one of the punk songs she listened to so often in her Ferrari. Whenever she brought her daughter to school or went to cinema with all children.

Pling.

Pling.

Plong.

Pling. Plong. Pling. Plong.

The tall blonde raised her head and looked for a long time thoughtful at Yuki-chan who sat next to her on the soft carpet and played with enthusiasm on different pots. They all were down under and a concentrated expression laid on the small face. Small hands held two wooden spoons tight.

Pling.

Pling.

Plong. Plong. Plong.

It sounded really good. Right now Miyuki was too small to learn an instrument. But in about one or two years Haruka would ask her if she wanted to learn the drums professionally. In a music school. The tall blonde was sure that her daughter would agree.

Pling.

Plong. Pling. Plong.

Pling.

Mayumi was upstairs. In her room. To search for her mouth organ. To accompany her best friend. That was something Miyuki inherited from her mommy. Whenever she played her pots she forget everything around herself. Mayumi who knew that, mostly sat down next to her and played with a little toy car or looked into a manga. But today she got bored and decided to make music, too. She remembered that she once had gotten a mouth organ from Minako. But she didn't remember where and now she searched for over ten minutes. Haruka simply let her. She had other things to do: May-chan's homework.

How can they give such a small girl such heavy tasks? I didn't have so many at once when I had been young!

Haruka giggled as she remembered that she didn't even make homework when she had been in May-chan's age. To provoke the teacher. Because she thought that this was cool. Until she met her Michi-chan who convinced her that it could be helpful to have at least normal marks.

Michi-chan...

Her wife was right now at a big rehearsal. It was now December and of course Michiru would give some Christmas concerts. Sejya wanted to sing along in some songs. Just like Minako. So Haruka was alone in the big house. Watching over the children. But that was okay for her. So she could think over what she wanted to give her family and her friends for Christmas. And what she should do when there would be no letter telling them that Hotaru would come home for the festival of love.

She'll surely come. It's Christmas!

Pling.

Plong. Plong. Plong.

Pling. Pling.

Plong.

Haruka took her calculator and looked surprised down the sheet. On the neat child writing. May-chan actually had the right result. Although Haruka didn't know how she did that. The tall blonde knew how to find out how much fuel she needed for a race. But to find out how many baker could make thousand breads in three minutes, that was total nonsense. And she knew it. But May-chan simply found the right result. She was very intelligent. Just like her mother.

Hotaru will come home for Christmas. Won't she?

Haruka chewed on the pen and sighed deeply. Finally they received some letters from their daughter. Happy sounding letters full with description of a strange land. Full with postcards and greetings to all people at home. But somehow Haruka had a bad feeling whenever she read those lines. Always she had the feeling deep inside that those lines weren't true. That Hotaru only wrote them to calm them down. That something was wrong. But Haruka couldn't define what. One look in deep blue eyes told her that Michiru thought the same. They only couldn't do anything as long as Hotaru didn't ask them for help.

She'll come home for Christmas. Surely!

Pling. Pling. Pling.

Plong.

Pling.

Plong.

Pling. Pling. Pling.

Won't she?

dbdbdb

It was dark and very cold. She wrapped her red scarf tighter around her neck and blew into her red frozen hands. She forgot her gloves at home. The bell of a near church rang and after she counted the ringing she knew that it was ten o'clock. In the evening. Her rehearsal ended half an hour ago. Normally Michiru wanted to take her with a taxi home. But Minako didn't want to. She knew that her best friend's work shift was soon over and she wanted to fetch Ami up. To invite her for a nice dinner. And then take her home. May-chan surely slept already deep and tight. Minako was very thankful that Haruka took care for her the whole afternoon. But she simply didn't want to take the little girl with her to the grand opera. The tall car racer understood. She simply declared that she already baby sit Yuki-chan. That May-chan was such a nice girl Haruka liked to take care for.

They wanted to bake some cookies.

Minako giggled as she remembered the last time Haruka tried to make something eatable.

Hopefully Makoto had a little bit time to help.

Minako giggled even more. Definitely Michiru would glance at the cookies and made some on her own. And smuggle them into Haruka's bowl and throw the old ones away. With hopefully Haruka not letting notice it.

They're the perfect couple.

The blonde singer sighed slightly and slipped over the stairs towards the ambulance entrance. It was now December and it rained the whole day. It got colder with every week and the first snow was already promised by the TV. They had the big chance of a white Christmas. There had been times when Minako would have been crazy to hear such good news. Then there had taken her sleigh from their attic and waited for hours for the first snow flakes coming down to earth. With a reading Ami by her side who simply joined the crazy senshi of love. Once Haruka had seen them that way and had laughed like a maniac. As the snow didn't come and Minako looked very disappointed, Haruka helped her to get wheels on her sleigh. So that they could move in it although there was now snow on the ground. Minako remembered too well how much Ami had screamed as they speeded up more and more.

That had been real fun.

But today... today Minako was simply happy when Ami didn't work on Christmas Eve. When she at least smiled a little bit over the presents she got. When she at least tried to look happy for her daughter.

I wish I knew what's wrong with her. I wish I could help her.

But Minako knew that Ami didn't want her help. The same way she didn't want her love.

"Can I help you?" A young woman in white clothes appeared to her next. Surely a nurse. There was a small sign on her overall telling Minako that she was called Rei. But she didn't look like the priestess at all. She looked friendly and not raging at all. She wouldn't argue with the queen. Although Minako loved those little fights. Always she had to laugh to see those two chickens as she called them fighting for an apple cake piece. Or over music. Or about their dresses at an important ball. Mostly Mamoru could calm them down. Or Makoto who stepped determinedly between them and told them to shut up. To behave like real ladies.

"I am looking for Dr. Mizuno." Minako smiled at the friendly nurse who nodded.

"Just one moment. I'll call her. Just sit down." Rei looked shortly at her watch and sighed worn out. It could be very exhausting working in a hospital. At a time like that. Shortly before Christmas when it was slippery outside and many people fell down and broke their legs and arms or other bones. There was no day when there wasn't an emergency. Often car accidents when the driver lost control on the icy ground.

"It's already past ten? God, time runs by." She turned around and hurried away. Minako rubbed her tired eyes and sat down in the waiting room. It was empty. Only three fishes swam in their aquarium and seemed to enjoy the peace. That no little girl knocked at the glass walls of their home. Minako watched them for some moments. Then she took a newspaper and read it. Read it again. Until she knew the table of contents by heart. Deeply sighing she put it away and glanced at her watch. It was almost eleven o'clock. Minako frowned and wondered where the nurse named Rei was. Then she remembered that there had been the siren of the ambulance shortly after she sat down. Surely an emergency and Rei simply forgot her. Minako didn't blame her. It was very late in the night and surely the nurse didn't do it on purpose.

Better I'll take Ami and call a taxi. It's late and she has to stand up early tomorrow.

Minako yawned and left the waiting room with a short look back on the fishes who were now in there hole of a little stone and seemed to sleep. Or at least to do that what was sleep for fishes.

It was silent in the gangway. All patients seemed to sleep. No children were running, chasing each other while their pregnant mothers waited for the ultra sound. No one groaned because of the pain he or she felt. No one cried because he feared to lose someone they loved. Or because they already lost that person.

It's almost peaceful.

But Minako didn't feel fine here. She didn't like the smell of the disinfectant. She always felt sick in a house that seemed to make more ill people than it cured. The blonde singer stopped as she saw the shadow right in front of her. The young woman leaned against a slot machine. There was a tumbler with hot coffee standing inside the slot machine but the woman didn't take it.

Ami?

Minako came nearer and recognized her best friend who looked very exhausted. Her blue eyes were closed and she had wrapped her arms around her waist. Suddenly she looked very fragile.

"Ami?" As the senshi of love stepped nearer she could see how much her best friend trembled. Surely because of the lack of sleep. "Hey, little one, wake up. I can't carry you to the taxi." Minako grabbed her phone to call one. Ami only opened her eyes a little bit and Minako saw tears sparkling there. Shortly she spoke with the taxi driver, then she put her phone away and simply took Ami's arm. To guide her towards the exit. "Comon, little one, let's take you home."

"But we had an emergency... a man who had an heavy accident... I can't leave..." whispered Ami and trembled even more. Minako took a deep breath and pulled the tired doctor with her. Ignoring the weak defence.

"Forget it, little one. I'll take you home and into your bed! Before you break down!" Minako felt angry and helpless. She wanted so badly to help her Ami-chan, but she didn't know how. "Your daughter wants you to celebrate this Christmas with her – not in bed."

"They asked me to work in Christmas Eve." Marbled Ami and stumbled over her own feet. Minako held her tight and looked directly into redden eyes. Her look was very, very angry.

"If you work on Christmas Eve and don't celebrate with your daughter, I'll come personally and take you home! You can't do that to May-chan! She spends the whole days only to make a cute present for you! You can't disappoint your daughter that way!" Minako didn't even notice that she raised her voice.

"But... they all will be there. So many nice families... and I... I..." Tears ran over shrunken cheeks and Ami sobbed quietly. "I simply don't want to look into May-chan's asking face. I can't explain to her why she doesn't have a father."

But she has two mothers...

Minako looked sadly at her sobbing friend and simply pulled her into her arms to hold her tight.

"She doesn't want a father, Ami. She loves you. And she wants you. You, Ami, not a ghost who's more at hospital than at home."

For the first time since May-chan was born, Ami embraced Minako, too. Mostly she let the blonde singer do and reacted very passive. But today, she almost clinged on her. She searched openly for comfort and Minako wanted to give her all the young doctor needed. Although she didn't know what.

"I don't want this any longer..." sobbed Ami and buried her face in Minako's shoulder. The senshi of love gulped and stroke through blue strands.

"What don't you want any longer, little one?" she asked quietly and rocked her best friend. The person who meant the most in her life.

But as always she didn't get an answer.

dbdbdb

Hotaru put the letter into the envelope and added some postcards. Deeply she sighed and looked at the framed picture of her family that stood on her desk. She knew that this letter would arrive her parents one or two days before Christmas. No time for them to react. No time to write another letter to her telling her to come home. No time to make change her mind. She made her decision yesterday.

It's better this way.

The tall girl put her headphones over her ears and listened to the nice music. Shortly she glanced at the door, but Cindy wouldn't return yet. She was out with her best friends. To buy some nice dresses for the Christmas promotion. To go to the hairdresser to decide which hairstyle she wanted to have for that special night. Every one was crazy about this promotion. Only Hotaru didn't seem to be very interested in it. Just like Marie. The French girl had her dress. She wanted to have fun and good food there. But not to show how beautiful or how rich she was. She didn't like such behaviour. Instead she went to the horse farm almost every day. To ride with Sara' and to flirt with Kevin. Sometimes Hotaru came, too, to watch her and to make some more photos. But mostly she stayed in their room, read some books, prepared for school or wrote some letters to her parents. Or to her aunts and uncles. Only Chibiusa didn't get any letter. Hotaru didn't know what to write and because the princess of Crystal Toyko didn't write her one single letter Hotaru thought that she didn't have enough time. Surely she was very occupied with her Helios and wouldn't even have enough time to read any silly letters.

Maybe it's better this way.

Hotaru took the envelope and her jacket. She decided to go to the post office of the near town. To get rid of that letter. She didn't want to to think it over again and again. She made her decision and wouldn't change it again.

Gomen, daddy, but I am not strong enough.

The tall girl sighed and stepped into their huge bathroom. To brush her hairs and to put them together in her back. Sad eyes looked at and she sighed again. Then she froze in motion. There was again that cold feeling. The window was pushed open and icy wind she didn't feel all those months in that hot land ran through her suddenly trembling body.

I don't want to...

Hotaru took a deep breath and slowly, very slowly raised her head.

I hate this feeling. I hate this knowledge. I hate myself!

It was not normal that she could see the shadow. Standing again right behind her. Embracing someone. Holding someone tight. Someone she knew.

No...

Hotaru's eyes filled with tears and she shook her head. Not able to turn around. Not able to scream. Not able to beat the shadow who grinned at her. With a faceless face. Still Hotaru couldn't see any eyes. Not even a nose. Only a mouth that seemed to fill the free space on pale skin. Grinning wicked at her. Humiliating her. Making her life to hell. And that of all people she knew.

No...

With wide eyes Hotaru watched the person laying lifeless in the shadow's arms. Then it disappeared. Into nothing. Where it had come. Without any warning.

I am not normal! Not at all!

Hotaru sobbed quietly and grabbed for her keys. Then she swirled around and ran away. As fast as she could. Ignoring the screaming pain in her body. Ignoring the screaming pain in her heart.

dbdbdb

"Marie?" Hotaru stumbled into the hall. She simply kicked the bike she had stolen from the school yard aside and gasped hard for breath. Her whole body ached but she didn't care about it. The fear was stronger than every pain. Adrenaline pushed through her veins, held back the darkness waiting at the rims of her eyes.

"Marie?" There was no French girl around. So she swirled around and ran right into the stall. Sarah stood in the gangway and looked very curious at her. Hotaru took a deep breath and stepped quickly nearer. Panting and cursing.

"Marie!" She trembled like hell and leaned simply against the mare who snuffed in her dark hairs. But she didn't care about the horse. It wouldn't bite. And even if it wanted to bite her, it was alike to Hotaru. She only wanted to find someone. Anyone. To help her. To tell her that she wasn't right. That it was only a bloody nightmare. That she didn't see the shadow in the mirror. That it had been an imagination of her mind. Only a vision of her ill brain.

"Marie..." Now she sobbed and folded her arms around her waist. To comfort her. To calm herself down. And to gasp even harder for breath.

"'otaru?" The French girl came out of the box and frowned as she saw her best friend so near to the mare. Normally Hotaru wanted to be as far away as possible from the dangerous horses. And now she even touched Sarah by leaning on her. The Japanese girl was very pale and panted. There was an expression in dark eyes that made Marie shiver.

"W'at's up?"

Endless relieve streamed for some seconds through Hotaru's body. But only for some.

"Where's Kevin?" Hotaru didn't even notice that she screamed. Sarah neighed and danced nervously besides her.

"'otaru? Calm yourself down! W'at's wrong wit' you?" Marie was by her side and looked now very concerned.

"Where's Kevin?" repeated Hotaru and clenched her fists nervously.

The shadow had never been wrong. Think of your mommy! Think of your daddy! Think of uncle Sejya! Think of Helios' parents! Think of all those other people you've seen in the mirror's reflection!

"'e is on the great plains. 'e rides Goliath, 'is black stallion. W'y do you ask?" Marie made an surprised noise as Hotaru simply grabbed her hand and pulled her outside the building.

"Do you know where he always rides to? Maybe a special place? Or a special route?" Shortly Hotaru looked at the bike and knew that she didn't have the power any longer to use it. Instead she pulled Marie nearer to an old Chevy standing in the shadow of a tree. The sun was again burning from a cloudless sky, but Hotaru froze.

"Oui. But..." Marie's eyes grew wide as Hotaru placed herself behind the steering wheel. The keys were already inserted. Very typical for American people. Especially for Kevin's father who only cared for his horses and often forget to take care for his car.

"'otaru!" Marie shook her head but Hotaru simply grabbed the sleeve of her pink shirt and pulled her on the seat next to her. "W'at do you t'ink you're doing?"

"Saving Kevin's life." Was all Hotaru said when she started the engine. It didn't sound like her daddy's Ferrari at all and it was slower. Much slower. But it worked. That was all what counted. "Take your seatbelt!" Hotaru kicked the accelerator as hard as she could and the Chevy regained on speed. At least it was faster than every bike Hotaru could have stolen.

You're committing a crime!

It was only a brief moment of hesitation. Hotaru knew that shadow since her childhood. She knew what happened if she reacted. The same she knew what happened if she couldn't help.

"Mais..." Marie searched for her seatbelt and was pushed against her seat as Hotaru drove like crazy over the road. "But..."

"Shut up and show me the way he normally takes!" snapped Hotaru and there was something in her dark eyes that made Marie shivering. Still she didn't understand what was happening, but it was suddenly alike. The car was too fast to jump out of the door. So she decided to play the strange game Hotaru seemed to play with her.

"T'is direction." Marie looked doubtful at the stony ground. But Hotaru didn't hesitate to leave the old asphalt street. She didn't care about the car. She only speeded up and prayed that it wasn't already too late. That she would arrive Kevin right in time.

"Mais..." From one moment to the next Marie sat upright in her seat and screamed choked. She had seen the shadow running towards them. Passing them. Galloping like crazy. Marie turned her head and looked with a horrified expression on her face at Goliath who passed quickly by. "T'at's Kevin's stallion. But... w'ere's Kevin?" Panic grew inside her stomach. She knew that Kevin was an excellent rider. He didn't simply fell of a horse's back. Not him. An always laughing boy who seemed to be born in a saddle.

The next moment Hotaru braked violently and only the seatbelt held Marie back from falling out of the car. First she was stunned and wanted to ask why they stopped. Then she saw the person laying on the hard ground.

"Kevin!" Marie struggled with her belt and finally stumbled out of the car. She ran over to the lifeless boy and gulped. Suddenly tears were running down her cheeks.

No, please not!

Hotaru simply went on her knees and took carefully his hand. To feel for the pulse. For some seconds she felt her heart sank. Then she found it. The pulse was very weak. But it was there. Kevin's face was very pale and there was blood on his temples. He still wore his riding hat and Hotaru assumed that this simply hat saved his life. There was a stone next to him and surely he fell on it.

"Kevin..." Marie sobbed quietly and looked really shocked.

"He's alive." Hotaru closed her eyes for some seconds to thank all gods and goddess in heaven. That she wasn't too late. That the shadow couldn't take him away. "Let's call an ambulance."

dbdbdb

Jingle bells. Jingle bells. Jingle all the way...

Loud music filled the streets of Crystal Tokyo. People hurried by. To get nice presents. For their relatives. Or simply for nice friends.

"I can't believe that I spend my day off running around for silly presents." Groaned a blue haired woman as she followed a grinning blonde from one shopping window to the next. The whole Sailor team was in the city today. It was Saturday and they all used their chance to find something suitable for the ones they loved. May-chan and Yuki-chan where at home together with Rei who already had all things she wanted to give. The priestess always had her Christmas presents by the end of August and declared to baby sit the two girls, because it was too much stress for them to shop for hours.

"Silly presents? I don't think that May-chan would agree you." Laughed Minako and held up a huge bag she carried. The others were around in the other shops near them. They separated because it would be senseless to shop with Michiru while she tried to find something nice for Makoto while the famous cook stood right beside her. They wanted to meet again at noon in a nice restaurant to eat lunch.

"You shouldn't have wasted all that money. This present is too expensive." Marbled Ami and held her handbag a little bit tighter. She didn't like all those people around and she feared that someone would steal her money.

"Hey, she wanted to have that toy and now she gets it. I can remember that your present isn't any cheaper." Minako was in such a good mood, even Ami couldn't destroy it.

"But I am her mother." Protested Ami but regretted her words immediately as she saw the sad expression flashing over Minako's face. Then it brightened up again as the senshi of love saw the shop she was searching for the last hour.

I am her Mina-mommy and I'll give her what I want.

Minako had always been stubborn. And as long as the little girl would be happy about her present it was alike to her what the young doctor said.

"Let's get into." She grabbed for Ami's hand and pulled her into the jeweller's shop before the senshi of water even had the slightest chance to protest. The jewellery sparkled in all colours of the rainbow behind clear glass. Ami frowned as she saw all the nice necklace but knew that she would never have the time nor the opportunity to wear one of them. She had little jewellery she once inherited from her mother. But she never wore it. Because she had always the feeling that it wasn't hers. That she only took care for it. Until her mother would return one day to get it back. A silly behaviour, she knew. Because her mother died shortly before she left school. An heart attack.

"What do you want here?" asked the young doctor, trying to ignore the pain raising again in her heart. It was Christmas and her mother died shortly after the festival of love. A festival she had spent in hospital and not with her daughter. They had a big fight about this and Ami would never forgive herself that the last words she spoke to her mother had been in anger.

"Haruka asked me to get the earrings for her she ordered for Michiru. She can't take them, because her wife would notice it." Minako giggled and let go of Ami's hand. To search in her big back bag for the envelope Haruka gave her. It contained enough money to pay the special earrings. Minako shortly discussed with a nice smiling saleswoman and observed the sparkling objects. Then she nodded and paid.

"I wish you a merry Christmas." Said the woman to her while she handled her the little package. Nicely wrapped into sparkling paper.

"Arigato." Minako bowed. Then she put the package into her bag. "I wish you the same." Then she turned around and saw Ami standing near. She glanced with a blurred look down the jewellery behind the glass. Different necklaces. Sparkling necklaces. Silver necklaces with little stones. One stone was light blue. Just like Ami's eyes. They always remembered Minako of a mountain lake. Of crystal clear water.

"Do you like it?" Minako grinned as Ami winced slightly.

"It's only jewellery. Nothing for me." Answered the young doctor and shrugged her shoulders. But her eyes betrayed her. Minako's grin grew wide and she simply grabbed again Ami's hand and pulled her out of the shop. Ami simply let her. It started to snow the last night and it was very cold outside. The streets and the pavements were very slippery and more than once Minako held her back when she stumbled over her own feet. Some people looked curious at the strange couple. The quiet doctor and the always talking, always laughing singer who went along the shops. Carrying huge bags with them.

"Okay... now it's only Rei and you left." Said Minako happily. Nothing was more wonderful than going hand in hand with her best friend along the street. Even if Ami only searched for hold on the slippery underground.

"What do you want to give Rei? Please, not again those candles. They stunk like hell." Groaned Ami but her eyes twinkled amused.

"Hey, the saleswoman told me that they're good to concentrate."

"Good to choke was the word she wanted to say." Now Ami had to giggle and Minako loved it to see the young woman happy. Not pale. Not exhausted. Simply enjoying her day. Slightly she squeezed the hand laying in her one and guided Ami to another shop.

"Then you'll have to advice me what our priestess should get this year."

Minako knew that it was senseless to ask Ami what she wanted to get. She knew the young doctor's answer. Ami never wanted anything. But in the end she had to accept whatever she got from her best friend.

The young singer grinned diabolic.

She already knew what her Ami would get this year. And she knew that Ami wouldn't go to the hospital during the holidays. She talked to Ami's boss some days ago and the young doctor got free. Minako knew that Ami would kill her the very day she'd find out that Minako talked to the most important doctor of the hospital, but to see Ami as happy as she was right now and to know how proud May-chan would be to have her mother at home at Christmas, that was worth every argument that could follow.

Minako smiled at Ami who already studied the shelves full of religious books.

Christmas is the festival of love. I want to celebrate it with the persons I love. With my family.

dbdbdb

"'ow could you know that?"

Hotaru raised her head and looked sleepy to Marie. It had been a hard day for her and a long night. It was now three in the morning and all the tall girl wanted to do was to go in her bed and to get some more hours of sleep.

"'ow the 'ell could you know that 'e's in danger? 'ow could you play the 'ero for 'im?"

'ero?

Hero?

There was something in Marie's voice Hotaru didn't like at all. Blue eyes sparkled and Marie looked strangely angry. She should be happy. Happy that the ambulance arrived so quickly. Happy that Kevin only had a concussion. Happy that he only had to stay one week in hospital and then he would be the same again. Maybe he wouldn't ride into the plaints during the next weeks, but he could take part at school again. And at the promotion.

"W'y the 'ell are you doing t'is to me?" Suddenly tears sparkled in blue eyes and Marie blushed deeply. "I t'ought you're my friend!"

Hotaru yawned and turned around to face directly her French friend.

"Moment!" she whispered and rubbed her tired eyes. "Guess you lost me there. What are you talking about, Marie?"

"W'at I am talking about? I am talking about t'at you steal Kevin from me! First you come to the riding 'all and make nice eyes to 'im. Being afraid of 'orses. Awaking the protector in 'im! T'en you simply appear and save 'is life! You're a 'ero for 'im now. And I am not'ing!" Now Marie cried. Hotaru only shook her head. Too stunned to reply anything. Too shocked to say anything.

"Do you know w'at 'e asked me today? 'e asked me if you already 'ave someone w'o goes to the promotion wit' you. Kevin didn't ask me to go wit' 'im. But 'e wants to go wit' you." Marie said some more words. In a language Hotaru didn't understand. Surely French. And surely it was nothing nice. Marie's voice was angry. Almost hateful.

"I only wanted to save his life. I..."

"Liar! You wanted to take 'im away from me! Give in! And I trusted you!"

Hotaru blinked. And blinked again. And stared in disbelieve at Marie. Heard again and again the words in her mind. She only wanted to save Kevin's life. She only wanted to save someone from the shadow's paws. She only wanted to help. But Marie didn't look thankful. She looked hating at her. Just like Cindy. Just like Akane. Just like all those other stupid pupils...

Is it right? Did I lose another good friend because of my weirdness?

Hotaru saw again a laughing Chibiusa before her eyes. Knowing that the princess didn't write one single letter since September. Since the day she arrived in America.

It's always my fault. Everything. Because I am a freak. A total freak...

"I loved 'im. But now, 'e only loves you!" screamed Marie and clenched her fists. She didn't look like the always grinning French student any longer. Now she only looked disappointed. And deeply hurt.

'e only loves you!

Hotaru blinked again. Seeing again the cute couple under the cherry tree. Feeling again the deep pain inside her heart. Understanding exactly what Marie was feeling right now. But this time anger and pain wasn't necessary. Because Hotaru didn't love that Kevin. He was a nice guy and he knew how to handle horses like Sarah and Goliath. But he was nothing more. Hell, he was a guy. Hotaru didn't like boys at all. Only her uncle Sejya, little Tami-chan and the king of Crystal Tokyo. Because they belonged to her family. But falling in love with someone like Kevin? Impossible. She only loved one person in her whole life.

A laughing face flashed through her mind. Pink eyes stared trustfully at her while the little princess tried to steal her ice cream.

Hotaru loved only one person. And that person didn't love her in return.

She didn't even write one single letter...

"You took 'im away!"

Hotaru glanced back at Marie and shook her head. Then she started to laugh. She didn't know why, but suddenly it all seemed to be funny. So damn funny. Here was one girl who loved a boy. But that boy fell in love with someone else – with her. A total freak. A freak who fell in love with her best friend. Not only with her best friend. But also with another girl. With the princess of Crystal Tokyo. The future ruler of whole Japan. A freak who was rejected. Who wasn't needed on this world. Who saw shadows wherever she moved. And even if she wanted to help, she only caused trouble and pain. And hate. One look in Marie's eyes told her that she lost another good friend. That it was probably her destiny to be all alone for the rest of her life. That only her parents loved her, because she was their daughter. Not even their real one. Not like Yuki-chan...

"O, t'at's funny, isn't it?" shouted Marie at her, not seeing the desperate expression on the Japanese girl's pale face. Not hearing that the laughter soon turned into sad sobbing. "'ope you'll be 'appy with 'im, you total liar!" Marie raised her hand and slapped Hotaru right into the face. The taller girl winced back but couldn't stop laughing. It was all too crazy. Too stupid. Too ironically. She simply couldn't stop.

"I 'ate you!" With those words Marie swirled around and ran crying away. Hotaru stretched her arms towards her. She wanted her to stay. To explain all this mess she probalby couldn't find the right words for. But the door was closed loudly and Hotaru knew that she was alone.

The tall girl held her aching stomach tighter and laughed even more. Until her legs couldn't care her any longer and she went on her knees on the cold underground.

Now she was all alone.

dbdbdb

She saw the smile on his face. Saw how much he was happy to see her. But she didn't smile back. She felt empty inside. Empty and lost. Carefully she put the flowers in the vase and turned around to face him. Ignoring that he wanted her to sit down. Ignoring the asking expression flashing over his face. Ignoring that he was still in bed. In hospital. That she shouldn't be angry with him. That it wasn't his fault. That it wasn't no one's fault.

"Thank you that you saved me. Goliath simply..."

"It was Marie who showed me the way. Without her I wouldn't have found you at all."

"But..."

She sighed deeply and shook her head. It had to be said. Maybe she would hurt him deeply, but she knew that she had to tell him the truth. At least the truth about her feelings towards him.

"Kevin..." Hotaru took a deep breath and leaned against the wall. "You are a nice guy and I like you. It fascinates me how you handle Sarah and Goliath, because I am afraid of them. During the past weeks you got a very good friend of mine." She moved her hands to show him that he should stay quiet. "But you are nothing more, do you understand me? You are a very good friend and I don't want to hurt you. But I don't feel anything else for you." Hotaru crossed her arms before her chest. "I love someone else in Japan and I will never love you. So it's better you asked Marie to go with you to the promotion. Believe me, she won't say no. She's a smart girl. She likes you a lot and she doesn't deserve the way you treat her."

"But..."

Hotaru only grabbed her back bag and left the room. She had said everything she wanted to say. Maybe Kevin hated her now. Surely Marie hated her since that day she rescued his life. But it was alike to Hotaru. She knew that she would never have real friends. She was a freak, not normal. She saw shadows, she fell in love with another girl. She had strange powers no one understood. No one really wanted to know.

Better I'll get ready for the exam next week.

There were some more tests to write before the holidays. Hotaru knew that it was her only chance to escape her dark thoughts.

Even if it was the worst way.

dbdbdb

"You lazy chicken!"

"I can't believe that you only have to swim for some bloody minutes!"

"You are a real baby. Swimming with a swim ring!"

"You are a coward! Never you jumped from the tower!"

Hotaru took a deep breath. The teacher was away since two minutes. She got a phone call and told them to stay where they were. It was shortly before Christmas and as they got to know she had an ill son. A little boy who would return home for Christmas. And now she often had phone calls from the hospital telling her the results of different tests.

"Coward!"

Hotaru left the swimming pool when the teacher went over to another room. She had wrapped her towel around her shoulders and took a deep breath. She felt dizzy and knew that she had to get some rest. To take her daily medicine and to read some more books about the human brain. To get a good result at the test. At least there she didn't want to fail.

"Chicken!"

The tall girl tried hard to ignore Cindy and the rude girls standing around her. Pointing with their fingers at a hard breathing girl. Hotaru turned her head a little bit and saw Marie standing near the big windows. Staring out to a slightly cloudily sky. The accident was now one week ago. During all those days Marie didn't speak one word with her. She even changed her place in the class room. Now Hotaru was the only one who didn't have a partner any longer and even if she didn't cheated during the tests, she missed Marie a lot. Her laughing, her little letters during the sometimes boring lessons. Her understanding look whenever Hotaru didn't understand the foreign language and made a mistake and everyone started to laugh.

Why can't you forgive me?

Hotaru tried hard to talk to her. But Marie simply ignored him. Whenever Hotaru came to her with her lunch or her dinner, Marie took her own food and walked away. Whenever Hotaru tried to talk to her in their room, Marie pulled the blanket over her head and believed to sleep deep and tight. Whenever Hotaru simply tried to apologise for what she had done and for what she hadn't, Marie turned around and let her alone. There was no friendship any longer in blue eyes. Only hate and anger.

Damned!

"Coward..."

Hotaru took a deep breath and went over to Cindy who grinned at her.

"You call me a coward?" asked the tall girl with a dangerous quite voice. Everyone seemed to hate her. Everyone seemed to see a loser in her. A girl who couldn't do anything more than just learning stupid biological things by heart. A girl who misused other people.

"Of course. You never jumped from the tower." Answered Cindy and grinned even wider.

"Will you stop calling me this way when I jump?" Hotaru clenched her fists and put her towel down. She felt even more dizzy but she wouldn't give up. Not this time. Never again!

Cindy and the other girls exchanged glances. They all agreed silently that the dark haired girl only bluffed. That she wouldn't jump. That she was too afraid of the high tower.

"Yes, we will stop." Said Cindy finally and raised her eyebrows as the Japanese girl really went over to the tower. As she climbed the stairs. Not even to the lowest part, but to the highest diving-board.

"Hey, don't exaggerate." Laughed Cindy who still thought that it all was just a big bluff. That the Japanese girl would stand there and wait until the teacher would come back and tell her to come down. Without jumping.

Hotaru didn't listen to her. She reached the highest diving-board and took a deep breath. She felt exhausted. But not exhausted enough to forget the humiliation she had experience during the past months in this swimming hall. There had been Marie to cheer her up. But not even the French girl seemed to have any agreement left for her.

The tall girl went over to the rim and stared down into the calm water. Again she started to freeze and saw a dark shadow shinning on the water's reflection. Her shadow.

Hotaru smiled madly and went some steps back. Until she found her right position.

"Hey, you coward! Jump! Don't go back! That's unfair!"

From far beneath she heard Cindy's raging words. But they disappeared as Hotaru closed her eyes. She spread her arms and went on her tiptoes. Suddenly music filled her mind. Music she had always heard whenever she trained. Whenever she took part at a big championship. Whenever she showed all the audience how good she was. Whenever she showed her parents how much she had learned. That they could be proud of her.

The music increased and automatically she started to move. Her body didn't forget it. Of course it didn't. She loved the water for so many years. It was now two years ago that she broke down. That it was forbidden for her to make that sport any longer. Two years... this time was too short to forget everything she learned during the ten years before.

First step. Second step.

She concentrated and put all her strength into her arms. A smile boomed on her face and suddenly she felt happy and free.

Jump.

She ignored the pain flashing through her chest as her hands touched the hard underground. She found her balance and stood there for some seconds in a perfect handstand. Her hairs fell over her shoulders and she scolded herself. The jury didn't like to see that. That meant less points for her.

Holding the handstand.

Falling slowly forwards...

She pushed herself away from the tower and brought her legs to her chest. Happiness filled her soul as she flew through the air.

First salto.

Second salto.

Third salto.

She loved it to be swirled around in the air. Still the music filled her mind. Then she stretched herself and felt how she dove into the nice fresh water. In a perfect dive. She was sure that her feet didn't cause any splashes on the surface. It had been a perfect dive. Just like the one she had won the Japan's championships with. Only three years ago...

The music died away and all that remained was silence. Hotaru opened her eyes and saw the water around herself. Blurring her view. Her lungs needed fresh air and she wanted to return to the surface. But a sudden pain inside her chest paralysed her body. She couldn't move her arms any longer. It all hurt. Her view blurred even more and suddenly Hotaru had to grin. There was her shadow again. Swimming right over her.

Maybe it's better this way.

Hotaru saw again a laughing princess being happy that she won another bike race along the beach and the fear disappeared. She closed her eyes as the shadow finally reached her.

Maybe it's better...

dbdbdb

"Coward!"

Marie heard the angry voice of Cindy. But she didn't react. She didn't turn around. She only stood there and stared angry at the blue sky. Watching the little clouds passing by.

Hotaru est une fille adulte!

Hotaru was old enough to take care for herself. If she didn't like to be called such bad names by Cindy any longer, she had to say that. Marie wasn't her nursemaid. At least Hotaru had been old enough to steal Kevin from her. Now she had to live with the consequences!

"That's incredible..." Suddenly the whole atmosphere changed. Marie felt it. From one second to the other the anger appeared all that was left was surprise and amazement.

The blonde frowned and turned around. And saw how Hotaru stood in a handstand on the rim of the tower. How she let go and dove elegant into the water.

And didn't come to the surface again.

Marie felt how her throat tightened. Too well she remembered how Hotaru shook her head. Declaring that she didn't want to ride on Sarah. That she wasn't allowed to do so much sport, because her doctor had forbidden it. Slowly Marie came over to the rim. Just like the other girls.

"She's making a foul of us." Declared Cindy but her voice was uncertain, too.

Marie gasped for breath and put her towel away. She knew that Hotaru already swam her minutes. The time she was allowed to swim. And she knew how exhausted the Japanese girl always had been after that. That she had taken her medicine and needed the whole afternoon to rest to regain her strength.

Non...

"Call the teacher!"

Marie who didn't like the water a much and preferred to sit on a horse's back instead took a deep breath. Then she let herself fall into the water. She never learned a normal dive and so she was disorientated for some seconds. Until her eyes could see underwater. Immediately she saw the lifeless person floating within the water. Her arms were stretched to the surface and moved slightly by the motion of the water. Marie swam over to Hotaru and grabbed her under her arms. Then she pulled her to the surface and gasped hard for breath. The blonde wasn't a good diver. Nor a good swimmer. But the fear about the lifeless girl in her arms was stronger than every fear she had ever feared in the deep water.

"'elp me!" she shouted and the next moment different hands reached for the lifeless Hotaru and helped her out of the water. Just like they helped Marie. No one teased her around that her accent sounded strange. No one yelled at Hotaru. Not even the slightest word. Even Cindy was silent and looked very shocked. Her beautiful face was pale and tears sparkled in her eyes.

"Where's the teacher?" shouted another girl in excitement and suddenly they all were busy in searching for Linda. "Is she still breathing? Is she fine?"

Marie gulped and kneeled down next to Hotaru. Relieved she found the pulse and knew that the girl was only unconscious. Unconscious, not dead as she had feared first.

"Crétin!" whispered Marie and took the unconscious girl in her arms. The ground was too cold. Some other girls saw that and soon Hotaru was covered with warm towels. "Crétin..."

Hotaru was such a jerk! Why did she have to jump? She knew that her doctor only allowed to swim a little bit in the flat water. But to jump from the highest diving-board. Only because of Cindy and her stupid words!

"Are you satisfied now, Cindy?" Marie looked angrily at the pale politician's daughter. "Are you now satisfied that s'e jumped?" The French girl held her best friend a little bit tighter and sighed deeply. "Are you all now satisfied?" But no one answered. Suddenly a strange silence evolved in the swimming hall.

"What happened?" The door was pushed open and broke the terrifying atmosphere. Shortly after Linda had entered the swimming hall she knelt near Marie. Shortly she felt Hotaru's pulse and looked very concerned.

"What happened?" she wanted to know while she went over to her bag to get her phone. To call an ambulance. The girl was only unconscious but she didn't want to risk anything. Surely it was only a break down because she had done too much sport this afternoon. But Linda wanted to be sure. She read the girl's file and knew that one shouldn't joke with a weak body.

"Cindy made 'er jump!" declared Marie with an angry look on her face.

"But you didn't hinder her, you saint!" snapped Cindy back who didn't want to be the guilty person.

"Hey, I saw..."

"Shut up!" Linda looked extremely angry at her pupils. "Shut up you all! How could you dare!" Shortly she spoke with the hospital and nodded as they promised her to be there in less than five minutes. Then she turned against towards her deeply blushing class. "How could you dare! She had a bad heart attack two years ago and it's a wonder that she's still alive."

Marie frowned and looked into her best friend's pale face. Asking why Hotaru didn't tell her anything about that.

"And you let her jump!"

dbdbdb

"I love you."

She stood in her best friend's room. The princess sat behind her desk and seemed to make her homework. Or was she writing a letter? Hotaru didn't know. She didn't dare to ask. She didn't dare to speak after she confessed the pink haired girl all her feelings.

"But I don't love you!" snapped Chibiusa back, turning towards her. Her fists were clenched and hate sparkled in pink eyes. "I only love Helios! Can't you see that?"

Hotaru shook her head and tears shone in her dark eyes.

"No..." she whispered. Not believing what she had heard right now. "No..."

"Hai! I love Helios! He's strong. Not as weak as you. He doesn't see strange shadows. He doesn't bring me into danger each time I am together with him. He's loved and accepted by my parents." Chibiusa rose from the chair and went over to her. "So go! Just go and never return! I don't need you! No one needs a freak like you! No one!"

Hotaru clapped her hands over her ears. But she couldn't exclude Chibiusa's rude voice.

No...

"'otaru?" Suddenly there was another voice. A soft voice. Hotaru frowned and turned around. From one moment to the next Chibiusa's room was gone. Just like the princess disappeared. Together with the mad laughter that died away. "'otaru? Wake up!"

The tall girl frowned. She knew that voice from somewhere. The strange but the same time cute accent.

"'otaru!"

Pain flashed through her head and she squinted as she finally opened her eyes. Realising that it all had been just a nightmare. That she didn't tell Chibiusa how she really felt. That the princess didn't reject and scolded her for being so silly. For being such a freak.

It took Hotaru some moments to realize that she laid in a strange bed. That she wasn't in their room in at school. And the scent of disinfectant filled the air. The dark haired girl tried to sit up but she felt still too weak to move. Her right arm hurt and as she looked at it she saw the drip being connected to her pale skin.

Drip?

Hotaru groaned as she realized that she was in hospital. Slightly she remembered that she had been in the water and that her shadow embraced her there. And then? Then...?

"'otaru! You're awake! I am so 'appy!" There was a warm hand holding her cold left one tight. Hotaru looked over to the other side of the bed and saw Marie sitting there. Her hairs were a messed and her clothes looked crumbled. Her face was pale and there were traces on her cheeks as if she cried a lot.

Nani?

"Marie?" Hotaru's voice was very hoarse and she felt exhausted.

"'otaru! My dear 'otaru!" Marie started again to cry and held the hand tighter. It almost hurt but Hotaru didn't have the power to tell her that. "I am so sorry. I've been so stupide! I should 'ave known t'at you are not like Cindy and all the ot'er girls. T'at you're someone special. T'at you are my friend." Sobbed the French girl and tears wetted Hotaru's cold hand and warmed it. "But why did you 'ave to jump? Cindy's too stupide, you didn't 'ave to listen to 'er!"

Jump?

I did jump?

From the tower in the swimming hall?

Hotaru frowned but her memories were gone.

"Was it at least a good dive?" whispered Hotaru and smiled as Marie started helpless to laugh under her tears.

"It was the most perfect dive I've ever seen in my life, petite!" sobbed the blonde and shook her head. "But don't do it again, okay? I guess I won't survive anot'er shock like t'is one!"

"Shock?" Hotaru closed her eyes for some moments and sighed deeply.

"Yes. You fainted in the water and almost drown. Linda is very angry wit' all of us and I guess we'll all get bad marks." Marie shrugged her shoulders. "But t'at's okay. My mark 'ad never been great."

Hotaru nodded slightly and smiled at her.

"You aren't angry with me any longer?" she asked and squeezed the warm hand as Marie cried even more.

"Non, petite. Non!" she sobbed, forgetting that Hotaru couldn't understand her native language. "Non. I've been stupid and so jealous." The blonde smiled again. "Kevin asked me today to go with 'im to the promotion."

"That's fine." Hotaru was happy. She really was. Because Marie and Kevin would become a couple and the boy wasn't interested in her any longer. And Marie seemed to be her friend again. That was the most important fact for Hotaru.

Then her heart froze.

"My parents? Did anyone call them up?" she asked shocked and gulped. "I don't want them to be called up. They would be concerned and that's not necessary. I only had a little break down because I've overdone it. I don't want to terrify them!"

Marie frowned as she saw the dark haired girl's reaction. She knew that the famous formula one racer was her father. And the most famous violinist of Japan was her mother. But Hotaru never talked a lot about her parents. Sometimes Marie had the feeling that she was ashamed of them. Or, what seemed to be more obvious, that her parents were ashamed of them.

Maybe they don't want her any longer, because she's so weak?

Maybe they gave her to that private school, because she only hinders them at home? With their big careers?

Marie didn't know. She didn't dare to ask.

But why are they always writing so many letters?

The French girl never read any of them. She didn't know what they wrote. Maybe a lot of nonsense? Because Hotaru always looked so sad when she put them away. First Marie thought that it was Hotaru's homesickness. Now she wasn't sure about that any longer.

"Linda didn't call t'em up right now. S'e first wants to talk to you."

Hotaru closed her eyes again and let out the breath she held.

"Thank goddess." She whispered.

Marie only frowned and held her hand a little bit tighter.

dbdbdb

It was in the middle of the night. The full moon shone through the closed window. But the curtain was put aside and the moon's light shone directly on the dark piano. The proud of their music teacher. Hardly anyone was allowed to touch it. But after Hotaru showed Anne that she could play the instrument she was allowed to use it, too. But she had to ask first.

This time Hotaru didn't ask. She left the hospital in the morning. After a very long night. She felt already better but the doctors didn't trust her. So she had to stay longer than she wanted. She didn't find a lot of sleep. But a lot of time. To think. About her life. About her love to the princess of Japan. About her family and about her future. What she should do when this year was over. When she should return to Tokyo in summer.

Shall I return? Or is it better when I stay? When I do my final exams here in the states? When start to study here? When I find a job here after I finished university?

But that would mean that she would never see her parents again. Her daddy. Her mommy. Her Yuki-chan. That she would never see her crazy aunts again.

I can't simply disappear like that.

But she knew that she needed some more months to live with the pain in her heart. To be able to face Helios and Chibiusa being a cute couple. Before she could congratulate them for their big luck. Christmas was too early. She wouldn't return home for Christmas. But when the term was over, she would return. She missed her family too much to stay. She needed her family too much to leave them simply behind.

Only because of those bloody feelings!

Hotaru opened the piano and her hands laid calm on the keyboard. She knew that she could never deny her feelings. She could never deny herself. But she had to learn to live with them. It got better during the past weeks. During the long time she didn't talk to Chibiusa. She didn't see her wherever she walked. She didn't spent long nights with her watching horror movies. There had been even days when Hotaru didn't think of the cute princess at all. When she was busy with Marie and her horses. When she learned a lot for the next test. When she had lessons until the evening and then only took a shower and went to bed.

It's good that I came here.

But there were also times when she felt alone and miserable. When she wanted to cry every moment. When she wanted to take the next plane and return to Tokyo. To tell Chibiusa her real feelings. To get rid of the pain in her heart. Even if she was rejected afterwards.

It's all so confusing. So crazy!

She laid awake almost the past night in hospital. Thinking so much. And having the song her daddy wrote in her mind again. The one the lyric simply didn't fit. And suddenly the words were there in her mind. Simply there.

Hotaru took the crumbled sheet of paper out of her pyjama's pockets. She sneaked out of the room while the others were fast asleep. Cindy didn't apologise for her rude words. But she didn't tease her around any longer. She didn't say any cruel words again towards her. Hotaru was grateful for that. She was simply fed up with the silly behaviour of the politician's daughter.

It's simply perfect.

Hotaru changed some notes and her fingers slowly moved over the keys. As if she stroke the black instrument in front of her. She didn't need any light. The moon's shine was enough. She knew the words by heart. Just like the melody. She heard them a lot during the past twenty four hours. The instrument started to make music while she closed her eyes. Silent, very silent she begun to sing in a clear voice.

" It's a human sign

When things go wrong

When the scent of her lingers

And temptations strong "

Again she saw Chibiusa laughing at her. Showing her with pride her new guinea pig. Swimming with her in the ocean under their parent's attentive eyes. Throwing a ball at her and squeaking whenever she caught them in return. Eating an ice cream with her. Sneaking under her blanket and creeping into her embracement because she feared that a vampire could bite her after they watched the whole night scary movies.

There had been times when Hotaru had thought that there could be a happy end for her. That Chibiusa would understand and even return her feelings. That they would stay together for all of their lives. That no one could torn them apart. But she had been wrong. It simply didn't work. Chibiusa was the princess of Crystal Toyko. She fell in love with Helios, an honourable prince of Elysium. It was normal. It happened every day. It was a human thing that it didn't work. That it went wrong.

Although Hotaru would have done everything to change her life, her situation. To make Chibiusa change her mind. To make her little darling to love her.

" Cold, cold heart

Hard done by you

Some things look better baby

Just passin' through "

Hotaru ran away. Away from home. Away from her family. Away from her little darling. Because she hoped it would get any better. Not knowing that it all was a normal thing. That she simply had to pass it through. That she simply had to wait until the pain would stop one day.

Although Hotaru didn't believe that the deep hurt she felt inside her heart would ever stop.

" And it's no sacrifice

Just a simple word

It's two hearts living

In two separate worlds

But it's no sacrifice

No sacrifice

It's no sacrifice at all "

No, it was no sacrifice. It should never be one. Not for Chibiusa and not for her. Hotaru came to America and left her parents behind. She missed them like hell. Just the way she missed her little darling. But they lived in two different worlds now. Chibiusa as princess with a knight in shinning armour next to her. Hotaru wasn't royal. Not really. She was only a normal girl. No, not even a normal girl. She had no right to be more than Chibiusa's best friend. She should be grateful to be at least her friend. She should be grateful and stop to morn. Stop to run away. Stop to hope for something that would never happen.

No, it should have never been a sacrifice at all.

" Mutual misunderstanding

After the fact

Sensitivity builds a prison

In the final act

We loose direction

No stone unturned

No tears to damn you

When jealousy burns "

Hell, Hotaru had been so jealous when she had seen Chibiusa with Helios under that cherry tree. She only turned around and ran away. Deeply hurt. Not seeing any longer that Chibiusa stayed the same. That she was still her best friend. That she never knew about Hotaru's feelings and how much she hurt her.

She flew to America without letting Chibiusa know it. She didn't say goodbye, never wrote a letter. Not even called her up. She simply ignored her parent's letters for the first time and never mentioned Chibiusa in one of her letters she finally wrote back.

" Cold, cold heart

Hard done by you

Some things look better baby

Just passing through "

But, hell, it hurt so much. To see her with Helios. To know that she would never be hers. To know that she would lay in another guy's arms, not in her arms. That she would never have to right to kiss her. To hold her tight. To touch her. To live with her. To see her laying sleepy next to her whenever she woke up in the morning. Not to make breakfast for her. Only for her alone. Never to tease her around. Never be able to give her the little present she had now for so many years. Never be able to say those simply words to her: I love you.

And to hear her soft whisper in return: I love you, too.

" And it's no sacrifice

Just a simple word

It's two hearts living

In two separate worlds

But it's no sacrifice

No sacrifice

It's no sacrifice at all "

Tears burned behind Hotaru's lashes and her voice got quieter and shook slightly. It hurt too much to know that she wouldn't grow old with her little darling. That they would never leave the lives their parents had. That they would never have a little screaming baby around. Ruining their nerves. Being all their pride. A little girl that looked like them. Dark hairs and pink eyes.

That it all was impossible. Hotaru would stay alone for all of her life. She couldn't imagine to ever fall in love with someone else. Sure, she was young. Sure there were so many opportunities to find another nice girl. But she didn't want another girl. Another girl than her little darling.

Her little darling she would never be allowed to love the way she already loved her...

" No sacrifice...

No... "

Hotaru's voice broke and she broke the touch to the piano. She buried her burning face in her hands and let her tears fall. Damn, it hurt so much. She couldn't bare that pain any longer. It was as if her heart was torn apart. And she couldn't do anything against it.

No, it should have never been a sacrifice.

But it had become one for her.

Marie stood paralysed in the door frame and watched her in silence.

dbdbdb

"Salut, 'otaru." Marie sat down next to her on the table and put honey into her milk. Hotaru yawned and grinned back at her French friend.

"Konnichiwa, Marie." They liked it to say little words in their native language only they understood. It was their kind of trick.

"T'is evening is the promotion." Started Marie and reached for the sugar. Her tea wasn't sweet enough yet, but the honey glass was already empty. "Did anyone ask you to come wit' you?"

"No. But that's not a problem." Hotaru shrugged her shoulders and fought hard with her roll. Of course her roll won. After she spent almost the whole night at the piano she was very tired. "It's only a silly prom and all I will do is looking for the nice party food." Both grinned at each other and nodded agreeing. Soon they were the best friends again and quickly they forgot about their argument. It wasn't important any longer. It was forgotten and forgiven.

"T'en come with me."

Nani?

Hotaru raised her head and looked asking at her French friend.

"But I thought Kevin already asked you." She said and reached for another roll. She didn't get enough and especially not the best food in hospital and was very hungry. It was her first meal outside the hated building and she used her chance to eat as much as her stomach wanted to have. Her doctor told her that she could use it. She too thin for a girl of her seize.

"Oui. Mai... but I thought that we could go together there. After all it's only a prom." Marie blushed deeply and smiled encouraged.

"To go as a third-couple-there? Better not." Hotaru smiled back but shook determinedly her head. "You go with your sunny-boy and I'll come, too. Okay? We can meet there and steal all the delicious food before the banquet is already opened."

Marie didn't look convinced, but she knew that Hotaru could be very stubborn. And that it could be better to leave her alone.

"Okay. But I meet you t'ere. If not, I'll come to our room and kick you right into the dancing 'all."

"Alright."

Now they both laughed and enjoyed their food.

"Tenjou? Hotawu..."

"That's me!" Hotaru waved her hand as the boy came nearer. He held a big envelope in his hands. Although he gave her almost every day a letter from her parents he still didn't know who she was. And he couldn't pronounce her name right. After almost four months. Hotaru only rolled her eyes and signed up that she got the envelope.

Wow! This one is heavy! What did daddy put into it this time?

Hotaru glanced at the envelope and her heart sank. In disbelieve she stared at the neat writing. At the little pictures drawn in the corner. The person wasn't very talented but she had tried her best to drew all people of the big family. Minako with the big grin. Michiru with her violin. Haruka driving a fast car. Mayumi and Miyuki playing cards. Makoto making a delicious cake. Rei praying to the gods and arguing at the same time with the queen who waved her long plaits. The king who sat on the throne and ruled over the land. Ami healing little children. Sejya taking care for his wife and little Tami-chan. Chibiusa waving exited with both hands from the envelope. And Helios reading a book in a comfortable armchair.

Nani?

Little darling?

Hotaru frowned and her hands started to shake as she held the first letter she received from her best friend since September. It was very heavy and the tall girl suddenly wondered how much Chibiusa had written. If she only didn't write so long, because she wanted to send it all at once.

To my dear Taru-chan...

It was written over the whole envelope. It was a wonder that the post could read the address and that this envelope really came to her and not to anyone else. Or to another town.

Little darling...

Hotaru gulped and slowly rose from her chair. She wasn't hungry any longer with a sudden.

"W'at's up, 'otaru? Aren't you 'ungry?" asked Marie and stirred in her tea. She looked very tired, too. Some other girls had sat down at their large table, too and discussed now wildly over the coming promotion. Marie listened to them half hearted.

"No... uhm... I just got a letter and want to read it in peace." Shortly Hotaru glanced over to Cindy. But the girl didn't even try to humiliate her today. She only took her food to her own table, sat down and ate. Talking excitedly to her best friends about her dress she told them very loudly had been very expensive.

"Okay. I see you later in our room or at the promotion." Smiled Marie who got a little package just yesterday. From her brother. With the craziest photos of south Africa. Today were no lessons. Christmas was in less than five days and tomorrow the first people would return home. Just like Marie. She knew that Hotaru wanted to stay. She already asked her if she wanted to come with her to France but Hotaru didn't want to. She said that she wanted to learn the holidays. That she wanted to improve her knowledge. But Marie hadn't given up yet. There were more than 24 hours left. To convince her that she wouldn't stay in the empty school the whole Christmas holidays. That she simply had to come with her when her parents didn't want her at home.

It's a shame.

Marie watched how Hotaru grabbed her package and quickly left the room. Of course teacher Linda didn't call Hotaru's parents up. Hotaru begged so long until Linda was convinced that the girl was fine and that there was no need to concern her parents. Marie regretted that action. Maybe it should have been better to tell Hotaru's parents. To let them see that her daughter wasn't as okay as she mostly wrote them in her short letters.

Maybe they wouldn't have even answered the phone.

The longer Marie observed Hotaru the more she felt sorry for her. The more she started to be very, very angry with her parents.

At last she reached their room. She locked herself, knowing that Cindy and Marie would spend at least another hour with their breakfast. Then she sat down on her bed and ripped open the envelope with shaking hands. A lot of paper fell out. At least twenty pages. With neat, partly rough writing. In all colours of the rainbow. Chibiusa seemed to have used a different pencil whenever she continued to write on her mammut letter.

Hotaru smiled and imagined Chibiusa sitting on her bed, trying hard to write that letter. Chewing on her pencil time by time and watching her guinea piggy begging for more salad.

A photo fell out and Hotaru's smile froze as she saw the two persons on it. A pink haired girl smiled into the camera. A boy who was a little bit taller than her, stood right beside her. He smiled, too. And made a bunny with his left hand behind her head.

Helios?

Helios AND little darling?

Hotaru sighed deeply and leaned herself against the wall. Her whole body trembled and the picture escaped her hands. It landed somewhere on the carpet. But Hotaru didn't have the power to pick it up. To look at it again. To see the laughing couple on the picture. Surly Mamoru had taken it and that was surely the only reason why they didn't kiss on it.

Of course little darling wants to tell me. I am her best friend after all. She can't know...

For a long time Hotaru sat there. Listened to the wind playing with the last coloured leaves.

She can't know it. I never told her about my feelings...

Finally Hotaru opened her eyes again. Determinedly she put the papers away in her drawer. Closed it. Turned around and stared with blank eyes at the picture still laying on the ground.

It's all a bad joke. It must be a silly nightmare!

But she knew it wasn't.

Hotaru grabbed the picture and some of her clothes and disappeared inside the bathroom.

Akane had been right. Cindy had been right. I am a total freak! I am in love with a girl who's happy with her boyfriend! That's not normal! Neither my feelings nor the shadow!

The tall girl covered the mirror and started to shower.

They're all right. I am a freak. So let's show them!

dbdbdb

"And you said her that she shall come?" Kevin handled Marie a glass of orange juice and looked asking around.

"Oui!" Marie glanced at the big clock hanging on the wall of the huge dance hall and sighed deeply. "Just give 'er some more minutes. S'es always a little bit late."

They both looked at each other and sighed again.

"The last weeks had been a little bit crazy." Admitted Kevin who didn't feel right in his grey suit. Just like most of the boys wore this evening. Grey, black, dark blue. Some of them even wore blue green. They all looked very elegant in those nice clothes. And Kevin simply looked great. He had brushed his brown hairs but they already looked messed. Marie could hardly resist the felling to stroke through the wild strands.

"Oui. But I guess t'at's normal for Christmas' weeks." Smiled Marie and blushed deeply as Kevin made her a compliment to her great look. The pink dress was screaming and surely it would have looked ugly to every other girl. But it simply fitted perfectly to the French girl. She had curled her hairs and they fell open over her shoulders. A bright smile bloomed on her face and she marbled a silent "Mercy". Kevin blushed, too, and held his own orange juice tighter.

The music was playing and different people already danced over the dance floor. Some other stood next to the huge banquet. The food was really delicious and Marie asked herself for the thousandth time where Hotaru was. The promotion started now one hour ago and they all had great fun. They all were having a great fun and no one was missing. Even their swim teacher Linda was there. With a little boy and a concerned husband by her side. All teachers cared loving for the boy while Linda and her love danced, too.

Even Cindy kept quiet. She chatted a lot with her friends and flirted a lot with different boys, but she didn't start an argument with the French girl. Nothing. Not a bad word, not a bad look. Not even the feeling that she was angry. Probably Hotaru's break down had cured her a little bit, as Kevin once said.

"Do you want to dance with me?" asked Kevin with a sudden and blushed again. Marie glanced again at the clock. Then she nodded and followed him to the dance floor. It was a very slow, a very tender song. It seemed to last eternity and they both enjoyed it. Slowly they rocked over the dance floor and looked deep into each other's eyes. Not noticing how someone stepped through the opened door. How Cindy's eyes sparkled and how the girl only bite on her lower lip. How her lips curved in an amused smile, but that she could hold back her evil laughter. Her best friends looked rather shocked.

Finally the song ended and they both separated. Still deeply blushed.

"Do you want another juice?" asked Kevin and they both went over to the banquet.

"Oui." Smiled Marie, not letting go of Kevin's hand. It was so nice soft. So nice warm. This was all she had ever dreamed of. To dance with him. Maybe the whole evening.

She stopped with a sudden as she saw the person standing next to the banquet. Looking thoughtful down at the rolls with cheese and little bit wiped cream.

Hotaru?

Marie raised surprised her eyebrows. The Japanese girl looked total different this evening. She looked like a total stranger. Once she had shown Marie the cute dark dress she owned. But she didn't wear it tonight. Instead she wore a black suit. No, not a suit. It looked more like a uniform. Hotaru looked more like a Japanese soldier... how where they cold? Samurai? Today she looked more like a samurai. Only the sword was missing. She had put her hairs together in a typical Japanese knot in her neck and looked suddenly like a guy. Or at least, like a tomboy. She seemed to have used a very narrow bra, because there was no female outline any more under the black top.

Qu'est-ce qui est arrivé?

What happened?

Marie frowned even more as Hotaru took a roll and turned over to them. And smiled brightly. But somehow that smile looked wrong. It was only a facade. Only a grimace. It didn't come right from her heart.

"Salut, Marie. Do you enjoy the evening, Marie? Hello, Kevin. The music is fantastic. And the food simply delicious." Said Hotaru but it all sounded wrong in Marie's eyes. One look into Kevin's puzzled face told her that she wasn't the only one who was so confused.

"Salut."

"Hello."

"Those cheese rolls are simply delicious. You should try them, too." Hotaru took another one and ate slowly. She didn't look very hungry. Marie suddenly asked herself where the Japanese girl had been the whole afternoon. What she had done. Because she didn't see her the whole day. And now she was even later to the promotion than she had been. Although Kevin waited full ten minutes for her because her hair wasn't done in time.

"That's a Japanese uniform, isn't it?" asked Kevin finally and stared angrily at a guy who made a funny face behind Hotaru's back. The girl nodded proudly and spread her arms.

"My mommy made it for me last year. I almost feared that it's too small for me now but I guess I didn't grew during the past year."

Marie frowned even more and the panic grew inside her chest. Made her feeling ill. Shortly she and Kevin exchanged glances while Hotaru took a third roll. Marie shrugged her shoulders and nodded finally.

"So, when that's tradition, it's nice to get to know it. Well... this is American tradition." Kevin pointed over to Cindy and her very, very expensive looking dress. "So, do you want to dance with me? It would be an honour for me."

Dance?

In that outfit?

With me?

A freak?

Is he mad?

Hotaru blinked. The roll escaped her hands as she saw the he meant it. And that Marie didn't look angry at all. That she looked... concerned?

Are they both mad?

Without saying another word Hotaru turned around and ran away. As fast as she could. As fast as she had been before her bloody heart stopped to work properly over two years ago. The air was fresh outside. Nice fresh. The sun already set and filled the whole schoolyard in a orange light.

It loos so beautiful.

Hotaru gasped for breath and sat down on the rim of the fountain. There was still water inside. It wouldn't freeze over the winter here. Because the winters were very warm in this state of America. Silently Hotaru stared at her reflection in the water's calm surface. Seeing the pale girl in the dark suit. Looking more like a boy than a girl. Looking very sad and alone. Alone...

The memory of a closing door flashed through her mind. But it was gone before she could catch it. Before she could wonder why it had been.

The sunset is beautiful.

I am ugly.

She sighed deeply and reached inside her chest pocket. Slowly she pulled the photo out that made her crazy the whole day. That told her that she didn't change during the past months. That it all was senseless. That she couldn't change her heart. The same way she couldn't change her whole self. It was alike how long she would stay in America, she would always love the little princess. She would always feel miserable whenever she saw her together with her prince.

I ran away from home. I miss my family so much. I told them that I won't come home for Christmas. And it's all in vain. It's all for nothing!

Tear shimmered in her dark eyes and the picture shook in her hands.

I tried it so hard. But I simply can't bury my love for her. It's impossible. The same I can't bury that damn pain in my soul...

"Hotaru?"

"Petite?"

The tall girl winced wildly as she heard suddenly two concerned voices behind her. She didn't hear them come. Shortly she turned her head and stared at Marie and Kevin. Then she looked again away. They shouldn't see the tears now running down her cheeks.

"'ey, w'at's up, petite?" asked Marie concerned and stepped a little bit nearer. Looked over Hotaru's shoulder, glancing down on the picture in her hands. Seeing the beautiful boy and the cute girl. "W'o are t'ey?"

"Once my best friend..." whispered Hotaru and lowered her head.

Kevin frowned. Remembered again how Hotaru declared him that there was someone in Japan she loved. That she couldn't love him, because of that person. That he should fall in love with Marie instead.

"You love him, right?" he asked and sighed slightly. "And she took him away from you."

Hotaru shook her head and some tears fell on the photo.

"No, I don't love him." She marbled and felt as sad as she hadn't felt before in her life. "Not him." She admitted quietly. For the first time in her life aloud. Not only in her mind. Not only to her toy. But to living persons.

Kevin and Marie exchanged glances and both gulped.

"Come, let's go into the 'all again. It's getting cold, petite." Said Marie finally and put her hand on Hotaru's shoulder. The tall girl pushed her away and jumped from the rim. Staring with big eyes at them.

"I don't think that I should go back into the hall again! I don't belong to people like you! I am different! Didn't you understand? I am a total freak! You shouldn't hang around with me!"

"Only because you wear a Japanese uniform? Common, 'otaru. Look at my dress." Teased Marie and held her skirt a little bit up. The screaming pink looked even brighter in the sun's setting light.

"You're just like us." Kevin looked again at the picture. "You fell unhappy in love. But don't worry, that happens to all people all the time." The boy stroke through Marie's blonde hairs and blushed. "But sometimes we find someone else we like even more."

Marie smiled back and blushed, too.

I will never find someone else!

Hotaru gulped and shook her head again.

"Didn't you understand? I am a bloody lesbian!" It was a scream. A desperate scream. More tears streamed over her pale cheeks. Now it was out. Finally out. For the first time spoken out aloud. But neither Kevin nor Marie looked shocked.

"Now I understand why you were so angry with me in the hospital." Whispered Kevin after a long time. But there was no hate in his brown eyes. Only understanding and... friendship?

"And I wanted to show you every guy on this promotion." Marie started to giggle and grabbed Hotaru's arm before she could react. "W'y didn't you tell me sooner, petite? Now I 'ave no idea w'at kind of girl you prefer." She giggled even more as she saw Hotaru's stunned expression.

Nani?

"It's really bad w'en you read a book w'ile I am talking about my family." Smiled Marie and wiped away some tears from her best friend's face. "Jérome isn't only my brot'er's best friend and studies with 'im in Africa, 'e's also 'is boyfriend." Shortly Marie looked over to Kevin. He only indicated her to go on speaking. He wasn't so great in words. And she knew Hotaru better than he did.

"I don't 'ave any problems with gay people, petite." Determinedly Marie pulled a still surprised Hotaru with her. The tall girl had expected that they both would scream at her. Hate her. Beat her. But nothing happened. They were so damn understanding.

Arigato, you two.

Hotaru didn't know what to say. Marie saw it. She only smiled and squeezed her arm tighter.

"So t'ere's only one t'ing I 'ave to ask you." Said the French girl and giggled as she saw Hotaru's asking look. "It's okay t'at you don't want to dance with Kevin. But would you be so kind and dance wit' me?"

At that moment the first honest smile appeared on Hotaru's face. Shortly she glanced over to Kevin and finally nodded.

dbdbdb

"I heard that you can play the piano so well." Suddenly Cindy stood in front of her. Hotaru and Marie just finished their dance and Kevin gave them something to drink. It was normal that two girls danced with each others. Girls were different from boys. Some of them didn't get a boy to dance with and so they simply took their best friend. Everyone knew that no one asked Hotaru to come to the promotion so it was natural that she danced with Marie she spent most her free time with.

"Well..." Cindy looked embarrassed and played with the crumbled sheet in her hands. "I want to sing a song and no one knows the notes. And I don't have them. Only the text."

Hotaru thanked Kevin for the orange juice and glanced shortly that the title.

"It's from a musical, isn't it?"

"Yes." Beamed Cindy and suddenly she looked beautiful, too. The beautiful she had always looked – when one ignored her dark character. But maybe, maybe she wasn't that dark? Maybe she learned her lesson? Maybe they could become friends, too? For the rest of the term? For the following half year? Then it would be easier to share one room.

"There's only one problem." Smiled Hotaru suddenly very cheeky, because she knew that song by heart. Aunt Minako had sung that very often. Once she had made a tour where she had sung different musical songs. Together with Sejya and other well known singers. All around the world. It had been a great success. And of course Haruka had to accompany her with her piano. During that time Hotaru learned them all by heart.

"And that is?" Cindy's smile broke and disappointment sparkled in her eyes.

"Do you really want to dress yourself as a cat to sing that?"

At that moment Marie imagined Cindy as a purring cat and burst out into laughter.

dbdbdb

Again she had to cough. Again she searched for a handkerchief. Again she leaned back on her bed and asked herself why for heaven's sake she got a flu. Why she and not anyone else. All where healthy. All were preparing a great Christmas. All left the house in the morning to get the last presents or the food. Makoto planned a big dinner and it needed more than just one senshi to carry the huge bags home. Michiru and Minako had another rehearsal. The concert would take part at Christmas day. Just three more days. In two days was Christmas Eve. The festival of love. The day one should spend with the persons one loved.

The persons I love...

Haruka coughed again and snorted heavily. Her head felt like it would explode during the next moments and she knew that she still had high fever. Ami didn't look very happy but she told her that she could spend Christmas with them if she took care of her and stayed in bed.

The persons I love...

May-chan and Yuki-chan where in the temple to help Rei with the decoration of the old building. Mostly Michiru brought them to the priestess and fetched them up when the rehearsal was over. Because Haruka needed her peace. And they didn't want that the girl got such a bad flu, too.

The persons I love.

Haruka coughed again and closed her burning eyes for some moments. As she opened them she stared for a long time at the letter laying in her lap. A small, a very short letter. She had hoped that Hotaru would write her the time they had to fetch her up at the airport. But instead she only wrote that she wouldn't come home at all. That she wanted to learn instead. Because the tests were so hard and she didn't want to fail.

All lies. These are only bloody lies!

The tall blonde cursed under her breath and slowly came on her feed. The whole world swirled around her, but she didn't gave in her dizziness. Instead she reeled over to the big wardrobe and opened it. Most of the clothes in there belonged to her wife. Michiru had a lot of dresses. Haruka was satisfied with the trousers and shirts she owned. Only time by time Michiru could grab her and pull her into a boutique to get some more clothes. Mostly Haruka tried to prevent that. But even she had to give up time by time. Especially when her wife was determined to buy her a new suit for her concerts.

If Himme-chan really thinks that she can get rid of us so easily, she's wrong!

Haruka pulled the top of her pyjama over her head. Then she stripped the pants and watched for a long time into the wardrobe. Not knowing what to wear. Sure, it was cold outside. It snowed the whole last week and now Tokyo was covered with a white blanket. But the same time the fever made Haruka sweat. She felt hot inside and didn't want to wet her clothes.

Okay, first of all, underwear.

She bowed for her knickers and a sport bra and almost fell down as the dizziness increased inside her head. But finally she was able to get them on.

Shirt? Pullover? Pants?

Puzzled she looked into the room and couldn't remember what else she needed for such a journey.

"Baka?" Without knocking Sejya entered the room. And blushed deeply as he saw Haruka standing there. Almost naked. "Gomen..." he blushed deeply and turned around.

"That's what you get for being so impolite!" Haruka grabbed for the next pullover and threw it at him. "Hope you got the shock for your life!" She took a deep breath that sounded ill and coughed again. Then she pulled a white shirt out of the wardrobe and tried to button it. Suddenly all the buttons were so tiny and it was hard for her to close them.

"Hey, I only wanted to look if you're already dead because of your silly flu." Answered Sejya angrily and bowed to pick up the dark green pullover. It fitted perfectly to Haruka's eyes. That was surely the reason why Michiru bought them some weeks ago.

"What a pity! I am still alive!" coughed Haruka and reeled slightly. She tried to get into her pants, but failed and fell on the ground. Sejya rolled his eyes and turned around again. To help her up. And to look in disbelieve how wrong she had buttoned the shirt. She had simply overseen some buttons and it all looked like a big mess. Shortly he looked into feverish shinning eyes and shook his head.

"What the hell are you doing, baka? Didn't you hear Ami's words? You should stay in bed! Why are you getting dressed?"

"You pervert! Shall I go in my pyjamas to the airport?" growled Haruka but had to grin over her own joke. Although it hadn't been her best one. But she was too ill to think of a better one.

"To the airport?" Sejya frowned because suddenly there was an expression on Haruka's face he had never seen before. It looked so sad. So defeated.

Defeated? Tenô Haruka and defeated?

"Hai. To go to America and to fetch Hotaru up." Haruka finally got into her pants while Sejya grabbed her shoulders and held her tight. Then she sat down on the untidy bed and held up a sheet of paper. A letter as Sejya recognized as he grabbed it.

"Himme-chan wrote that she won't come home for Christmas." Haruka sighed deeply and searched for her shoes. Wondering how she should get them on. "I can't accept that!"

"Why don't you wait for Michiru?"

"Until midnight? That's too late then. You know how long Michi-chan's always at the opera. And in two days is already Christmas Eve. If we hurry up we can be back this night so that she can relax a little bit from the time difference before we start to celebrate." Explained Haruka and her green eyes sparkled determinedly. Sejya knew how stubborn the tall blonde could be. And that he couldn't change her mind. Only Michiru could do that. But the violinist wasn't around yet.

"So you really want to go to America to fetch your daughter up? Although Hotaru doesn't want that? Don't you think you exaggerate?"

Haruka sighed deeply and bowed for her shoes she finally found under the bed. She almost fell down the bed. But Sejya was quick enough to held her back.

"Hell, you have high fever, baka. Don't you think, you should stay in bed and leave it the way it is? Hotaru's old enough to decide what she wants."

"But she's unhappy." Whispered Haruka and bowed for the second shoe. After Sejya held her again tight she searched now for her pullover.

"That's dangerous, baka. With your fever!" Sejya stood up again and tried to take away the pullover from her hands. But she was still extremely strong. Even in her weak state of body right now.

"What would you do if your Tami-chan would be there? If he simply declared you that he wants to stay over Christmas, THAT festival of the year, in an empty school? What would you do, if you'd know that your Tami-chan is unhappy?" Dark eyes looked directly at Sejya and the young man sighed deeply.

"Okay, you won." He marbled and stepped nearer to her. "Well, Michiru will kill me anyway. She will kill me when she gets to know that I let you go. So I can come with you. So that she has a real reason for killing me."

Haruka looked surprised at him. Then she grinned a feverish grin.

"Oh, I don't mind if she'll kill me. It's always so funny..."

Sejya blushed as he realized that she was talking of something completely different. As she saw his expression she started to giggle and shook her head. Just to regret that motion immediately. She coughed again and searched for her handkerchief. "I'll take all responsibility."

"As if you've ever been responsible." Sejya held her tight as she reeled again and lead her over tot he bed. Than he opened her shirt again and buttoned it the right way. Then he put a thick pullover over her head and corrected the collar.

"You don't have to come with me, baka." Growled Haruka and took another handkerchief.

"Of course I don't have to." Answered Sejya and held her right arm as she reeled over to the door. "But you know me. I simply love it to dance on your nerves as often as I can."

Haruka only snorted and groaned slightly.

dbdbdb

Sejya couldn't believe that they really sat in an plane. That they were really in the air. On their way to America. To the place where Hotaru lived right now. In a well known, expensive private school.

The singer couldn't believe that they were still alive.

Of course Haruka wanted to drive her Ferrari. She didn't drink alcohol nor did she take any drugs. Only rusk, but that probably wasn't a real drug. So she took the keys and simply sat behind the steering wheel. Because the police wouldn't jail her for driving with fever. No law told her that she wasn't allowed to drive with fever, an aching had and a flu. Sejya couldn't convince her and so he sat next to her on his own seat. Sweating and praying to the gods. Haruka listened to wild punk music and Sejya was almost deaf and almost threw up his breakfast when they finally arrived the airport. A short argument with a young man selling the tickets and ten minutes later they really sat in the plane. Haruka paid a fortune for their tickets but it didn't seem to be a lot for the young car racer. Then they started to argue because Haruka wanted to look out of the window and Sejya wanted to have that seat, too. But Haruka was quicker and now Sejya sat at the gangway. Looking very depressed and asking himself why he really sat here. Next to Haruka. Going to America. Just to catch up Hotaru and to return.

I must be crazy.

Sejya watched the stuardess handling some other passengers nice drinks. The singer was thirsty, too and so he stared a little bit too greedy. A young woman handled him his drink, a cool coke, a little bit earlier and he blushed and marbled an arigato.

Why am I doing this crazy stuff? Michiru is going to kill me. Surely she will kill me!

Someone leaned against shoulder and as Sejya turned his head he could see that Haruka feel asleep. She breathed hard and her face was redden from the fever.

Why am I helping her?

Sejya closed his eyes and remembered a time that had been the worst time in Haruka and Michiru's lives. After their lost their child. In the fourth months of Michiru's pregnancy. It had been a little girl as Haruka once told him. Michiru didn't know about the gender. She didn't want to know if she lost a daughter or son. It had been already hard enough for them. One month after the tragic incident Michiru could leave the hospital and went on tour. For about three months. To see anything else than the house she had killed her first child. Their own child. Michiru felt guilty, although the doctor told her that such things could happen. That Michiru's body was simply too weak to support a child in her womb. One week after Michiru left Haruka gave Hotaru to Minako and Ami and disappeared for the next 14 days. All senshi thought that she had another important race with her car. It was chance that Sejya found her in the hospital. He had have a bad flu and was there for the last appointment with his doctor to show him that he was alright again and that he could take part in another concert with Minako. Sejya remembered too well how shocked he had been when he passed the door to Haruka's room and heard the loud violin music playing inside. Automatically he had looked into the open room and had seen the tall tomboy laying in the bed. As fragile as he hadn't seen her before in his life. Her right arm was connected to a drip and she had been very pale in her face. Her dark green eyes had sparkled and expressionless she had stared at the white ceiling. Sejya knew that she didn't have an accident at the race track nor an illness. Neither the TV nor the other senshi told him. So it could have only been one thing: Haruka went into hospital to get pregnant herself. To try to do the impossible. To try to full fill her and Michiru's greatest dream after her wife lost their first child. Haruka went there all alone. With no one letting know it. For the case that she would have lost that child, too. Michiru should have never got to know about it. She didn't want to tell anyone – even if she became pregnant. Not until the doctor would tell her that she was safe – and the little life growing inside her belly, too. Sejya could remember too well Haruka's stunned face as he simply stepped into her room. They never liked each other a lot. And after Sejya's family returned to their home planet it got worse. Sejya envied Haruka for her nice family. For all her friends and for the luck that occured to her. But that day she had looked the way he felt inside: Lost, empty and frightened. Hai, Tenô Haruka had looked frightened. And she didn't start to argue with him. She only stared at him and watched how he told him how great Hotaru was doing at home. That she helped Minako to make dinner. That she guarded the whole time over Mayumi who ran with passion through the whole house. There had been other days Sejya returned. He came back every day at three in the afternoon and stayed until almost eight in the evening. They didn't talk much in that time. Mostly Sejya brought a newspaper with him and read every article he thought that would be interesting. Soon they both knew more about the British queen than every British people surely did.

14 long days. Sejya could hear the doctor talking without seeing him standing in the shadows. He heard how the doctor said to another one that the chances were good. That Haruka's body was strong enough to carry a child. That he didn't see any problems – as long as she would really get pregnant.

Sejya would never forget the sparkle in those green eyes he once hated so much as he returned for the last time. Some days before Haruka was allowed to leave the hospital. She had listened to Michiru's violin music again. With a happy smile on her face. As he sat down that afternoon to read again in the newspaper, she only showed him a small, white package. There was a pink sign in the middle. Sejya had raised asking his eyebrow and Haruka only nodded. With such a pride in those green eyes. For the first time he embraced her. They both started to laugh and Haruka only marbled a small arigato. It was the biggest praise Sejya ever received in his life.

The plane changed its direction and the young singer took another gulp of his coke.

Why am I helping her?

Then he sighed slightly and remembered another time when she had been the one being there for him. When she rescued his life. He really wanted to die. He already held the gun in his hands as she simply pushed the door open and put the gun away. In the last second. She, his worst enemy, the one who argued without pause with him, rescued him. She shouted at him and as he lost his hold, she took him into her strong arms and comforted him. She, the one he hated the most, because she showed him the truth, that Usagi only loved Mamoru and would never love him, actually comforted him. She was there. Simply there. The whole time he spent in hospital, she visited him. She was there – together with the other senshi. One time she had been alone there. She bought him flowers and sat down on his bed. And talked to him. For hours. She tried to gave him back his will to live. His courage and his strength. For the first time Sejya had seen concern in dark green eyes – concern about him.

Why am I helping her?

Still they both argued with each other. Still they used every chance to shout at each other. To tease each other around. But there wasn't hate any longer between them. Not the hate that had evolved when they both fought against Galactica. When Sejya fell in love with Usagi or at least believed to fall in love with the innocent, always laughing girl. And Haruka didn't let him near the future queen of Crystal Tokyo. Later on when Sejya stayed on earth and saw how much Haruka enjoyed her life being a wife and a daddy – and he was nothing. Only a singer. A lonely singer full of bitterness. But during just one year everything changed. Haruka showed him in hospital that even she, the strongest of all senshi, could be vulnerable. That she could fear, too. And be happy. Be a proud mommy showing her huge belly around. She rescued his life and after he felt better and was allowed to leave the hospital again, he asked her if he was allowed to touch her belly – she let him. It was incredible to feel that tiny life growing inside her belly. Inside her strong body. It was just the following year that he went to the light house by the sea and Kakyuu opened the door. Smiled at him. Declared silently that she missed him. Sejya never asked but he was sure that it was partly because of Haruka that the princess returned to earth – her real home.

Of course, Haruka and Sejya still argued. They called each other baka or jerk and even as Haruka teased Sejya around that Tamahoe was only a boy, they only played with each other. Sejya would have never broken Haruka's arm. Not only longer. Because now, after all those years, they became friends.

Why am I helping her?

Sejya reached for a blanket and pulled it carefully over Haruka's sweating body.

Because we have to help each other.

Then he leaned back and stared at his coke glass. Knowing that he had to call his wife up as soon as they landed in the far away land. That at least Kakyuu knew where they were. That she wasn't too much concerned about them. And that one person could warn Michiru and prepare her that she shouldn't kill him when they would return later that day. In the deep night. Hopefully with Hotaru by heir side.

We have to be there for each other.

Sejya drank another gulp and started automatically to hum a sweet melody. A song he once wrote for his Tami-chan. To make him sleep better.

Because that's what friends are for.

dbdbdb

"You 'ave to come with me to France!" insisted Marie as they both walked over the school yard. Marie's plane would leave the next day early in the morning. But Hotaru only shook her head. She didn't want to do anything during the school holidays. Nothing more than reading some biological books and asking herself why she really was such a coward. Why she ran away from home. Okay, she wasn't strong enough to face Chibiusa right now. Not together with Helios. But, hell, she missed her parents. Her cute little sister. Yuki-chan. Just like she missed May-chan. And her crazy aunts and uncles.

It's too late. I can't go home now.

Hotaru sighed deeply.

But daddy told me to call her up whenever I needed her help.

Hotaru sighed again.

No, I can't do that. I can't simply call them up after the letter I wrote. I simply can't...

"Everyt'ing okay, petite?" frowned Marie. The promotion had been great. Hotaru had to play the piano the whole evening. Not only Cindy sang along to her play. Almost the whole school wanted to sing or to dance to Hotaru's play and the Japanese girl was the star of the evening. Everyone thought that wearing the strange uniform was a typical Japanese tradition and so no one asked further. Hotaru had laughed a lot that evening and looked really happy. But now... the whole day she was very quiet and the expression on her face was very sad. Marie thought to know that Hotaru didn't want to stay all alone in the school. That she wanted to go home. But for any reason that she couldn't go.

Marie didn't want to ask. She knew that Hotaru wouldn't give her any answers. But the French girl assumed that Hotaru's parents knew that their daughter was gay. Gay with a weak body. That they sent her far away to get rid of her. And that Hotaru suffered a lot because of their ignorance. Marie didn't like Hotaru's parents yet. The same way she didn't want to see Hotaru's sad face any longer. That's why she tried to convince her the whole day to come with her to France. Her mother wouldn't have anything against her. Hotaru was a nice girl who didn't demand a lot. Only a bed and something to eat. Marie already had a nice Christmas present for her and Marie's grandfather would love the Japanese girl. He once had been in Japan, too. During the wall. And besides it had been a hard time he fell in love with the green land.

"Hai."

No, nothing is alright!

Hotaru sighed again but tried to smile to her French friend.

"I was just... thinking..."

Marie only nodded and tried again to talk to her. About her land. And that her mother would surely pay the fly to France and back. And even if she wouldn't, Marie would pay it. Hotaru didn't listen to her words. Not really. Her thoughts drifted away. To a little girl with pink hairs. Playing with her mash. Smiling up to her best friend who tried to feed her. Usagi and Michiru stood right behind the table while Mamoru and Haruka took different pictures.

I love her.

Since that very day she had seen Chibiusa the first time – a little bundle with shinning pink eyes – she fell in love with her.

Again Hotaru saw her daddy sitting on her bed. Every evening. Telling her a good night story. No, not telling, but playing that story. Speaking with different voices and acting like a little girl or like an old woman. Hotaru had laughed a lot. Just the way she had enjoyed all those days she had spent sitting on the carpet of her mommy's music room. Listening with big eyes her mommy's violin play. Just the way she had enjoyed every time a little girl jumped into her wide opened eyes. Yuki-chan often misused her as her plane and loved it to be swirled around by her.

Mommy.

Daddy.

Yuki-chan.

I miss you so much.

Even if Marie was a very good friend. She and Kevin. And slowly even Cindy changed. There was a very good chance that they would become good friends during the coming months, too. But they all couldn't replace her family.

I miss you...

She didn't hear the car brake violently. She didn't hear a low voice shouting around that he didn't want to visit god that soon. That this was America, not the race track. Hotaru was so deep in her self-pity and her dark thoughts that she didn't notice how Marie stopped beside her and stared with opened mouth at the two persons crossing the school yard. Yelling at each other in a language the French girl didn't know. But it sounded like her best friend's curses whenever she forgot that she was in the United States and not in her home country.

"Himme-chan?"

Hotaru froze in motion as she heard the low voice saying quietly her name. Slowly she raised her head and stared in disbelieve at the tall blonde standing there. The dark blue pants were crunched and the shirt dirty. With brown spots. Like a coke being splashed over her. Blonde hairs were messed and dark green eyes sparkled. Hotaru shook her head in disbelieve and suddenly her view was blurred.

That can't be true. This must a vision. An illusion. A...

Desperately she started to sob. He legs couldn't carry her any longer, but she didn't fell down. Two strong hands embraced her and held her tight. She felt the warm body next to her one and grabbed that dirtied shirt, too. Cried desperately. Hearing Haruka's soft voice in her ears. Again and again.

"I am here, Himme-chan." Whispered Haruka with a big lump in her throat and held her daughter tight. Rocking her. Trying to comfort her.

It had been the right decision. The letter hadn't been Hotaru's seriousness.

"I'll take you home, Himme-chan. Yuki-chan already made cookies. They're simply delicious. You have to try them." Hotaru only sobbed harder and Haruka held her a little bit tighter. Feeling some tears escaping her eyes and running over her cheeks as well.

I missed you so much, my little princess. So much...

Sejya turned away. His eyes sparkled, too. It was alike for him if Michiru would really kill them when they would return. But to see Haruka happy again, that was worth it. Although the singer assumed that Michiru wouldn't argue very long, but take her daughter into her arms as well.

We saved Christmas!

Sejya grinned and looked at the blonde staring confused at her.

"Are you 'otaru's fat'er?" asked the girl and Sejya needed some seconds to understand the foreign language together with the strange accent.

"Daddy?" he laughed and shook his head. "I am her uncle. The one embracing Hotaru is her daddy." He explained. "And you are?"

"Marie. Marie d' Antes." Marie frowned and looked over to the two persons. Showing so much love for each other. As Hotaru grabbed harder on the shirt Marie could see female outlines under the cloth. Marie frowned and looked asking at Sejya who went back to their car. He held the keys up into the air. Determined that Haruka would not drive this time. He would drive them to the airport. To make sure that Hotaru would return home – alive. He still felt very sick, because the worst Haruka felt the faster she drove. Drove? No, raced!

The French girl frowned even more as she watched her best friend being reunited with her daddy. Her daddy who obviously loved her. Her daddy who made all the long way from Japan to take her home for Christmas. Her daddy who was obviously a woman. Something Marie didn't see on the photo standing on Hotaru's desk. But she had seen her sea green haired mommy. And her little sister.

Her parents are lesbians, too?

Now Marie didn't understand anything any longer. When her parents were gay, too, they surely understood their daughter's feelings towards the other girl. Or didn't they know that Hotaru was a lesbian, too? So why didn't the tall girl tell her parents? Why?

Marie held her school bag tighter and saw a smile blooming on Hotaru's face as she raised her head and looked searching into her daddy's face. The famous formula one racer only wiped away those tears softly and smiled back. Love was written all over a wet face.

Is it because of that girl she's in love with? Is it only because that girl has a boyfriend? Can it be that my strong petite ran away, left her parents, her whole family behind just because of one single girl?

It's now sacrifice at all .

Suddenly Marie understood the meaning of the song Hotaru had sung just some nights ago. With so many passion in her voice. With so much sorrow.

The French girl didn't know how to help her best friend.

But she knew that Hotaru would go home during Christmas. And that this was very good.

dbdbdb

This time Hotaru sat near the window. It was incredible for Sejya to hear that the tall tomboy actually asked someone else to sit on that special seat. Just like the young singer still couldn't believe that Haruka let Hotaru drive. The girl learned to drive with her daddy's help a long time ago and this was America. The car racer simply believed that no one would caught them.

I argued the whole way to get the car keys and she simply gave them to an astonished Hotaru.

Sejya slightly turned his head. Haruka next to him already fell asleep again. She took her medicine, ate a little bit and laid back in her seat. The singer covered her carefully with a blanket and made sure that no one would stumble over her legs.

"Is she very ill?" There was concern in Hotaru's voice as she watched him.

"No. Just a bad flu. She'll be fine soon." Calmed Sejya her down.

"She has fever and goes by plane? Just to take me back?" Hotaru gulped and took a deep breath. She already cried enough today. She didn't want to look like a small child. Although she felt right now like one. "But... I wrote her a letter telling her that I was fine. That I wanted to stay in Lincoln' school and learn for the hard tests."

"You never had to learn that much. You're a smart girl, Hotaru-chan." Smiled Sejya and corrected Haruka's blanket. She only marbled some words and kept sleeping.

"But... she can't simply disobey my will." For a brief moment there was anger in Hotaru's dark eyes. But only for the split of a second.

"Of course she can. She's your daddy, Hotaru-chan." Sejya leaned back in his seat and thought at the long argument they had during the drive from the airport to Hotaru's school. Haruka told him something about Michiru and the way she got to know her. A thin girl who lost her parents too soon. Who tried to escape her rude forster parents. Who ran away from them and found a new home with her Haruka. The tall blonde spoke about the time her parents let her go to the private school she shared a room at with Michiru. During the time when they became Sailor senshi and had to search for the talismans to rescue the world. Shortly Haruka had glanced from the street to him and had declared him that her parents let her go because she had been happy with her Michiru. That she herself was ready to let Hotaru go, too. But only when she knew that Hotaru was happy. That she really didn't need her any longer.

"She knows a lot about you. And she knew that you wanted to come home for Christmas. That you simply need your family." Sejya smiled. He had never thought to say the next words to the girl sitting next to him. So true words. Words she understood. Even better after his son was born.

"She simply loves you, Hotaru-chan. It's alike how many letters you would have sent her. She loves you the way only a parent does." The singer stroke softly through dark hairs. "And she won't let you go. Not as long as you aren't happy."

Hotaru closed her burning eyes. Slightly she nodded.

She knew that she would spend a great Christmas with her family.

But she didn't know how she should face her little darling.

dbdbdb